Chapter Twelve
Obi Wan had already been feeling nervous before he went to retrieve Buffy. He hadn't yet discussed with The Council his plan to leave (though he was quite sure it was no secret) when they expressed the desire to meet with Buffy after Qui Gon had related the story of her defeat of the Sith on Naboo.
When the doors opened and he saw the look on her face, his apprehension skyrocketed and he heard the shifting in the seats behind him. She looked… very angry.
When he'd first met her, he'd been frustrated by his inability to sense anything from her, but that had soon become a novelty. It was an interesting change to have to deal with her as those that weren't Force sensitive had to deal with each other.
But right now, he really wished he could tell what had made her so angry so he could try to diffuse it before-
"You seriously need your ass kicked," she bit out, storming past Obi Wan and stopping inches from Qui Gon.
"You certainly aren't the first to think so," he said, looking down at her with raised brows. "Can I ask what you think I've done to be in need of such action?"
"How about gambling for that kid's freedom? Or even better, how about leaving his mom there to rot as a slave?"
"Buffy-" Obi Wan started, moving forward.
"You stay out of this," she said, hair swirling as she whipped her head toward him. "Unless you knew about this? Were you there? Did you think it was okay-"
"Obi Wan was on the ship the entire time," Qui Gon said, drawing her wrath-filled eyes back to him. "The decisions and actions taken there were mine and mine alone. I did try to add Shmi's freedom to the wager but her owner refused."
"You tried to- He refused?"
Her voice was soft but he could see her practically vibrating. Apparently The Council could as well, because he felt the rising wariness in them. Master Windu's hand slid toward his lightsaber.
Red light blasted forth from the weapon Obi Wan hadn't even seen Buffy draw as furious eyes landed on Master Windu.
"You don't want to come at me right now," she said, voice flat.
"Buffy, please," Obi Wan said as he stepped up behind her.
Her eyes jerked to him, hard and furious, as if he were an enemy. He shoved down the pang of hurt that caused, but apparently he wasn't fast enough about it because Buffy's eyes softened with a look of apology and her tense stance dropped. After another second the light saber was switched back off. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning back to Qui Gon.
"I don't understand… I just… What is a Jedi? I've heard all of these stories about how great they are, how they're this symbol of good, but- I thought it was all just a story and then I find out they're real, and… You're all still just a story. Just a symbol."
"An unfair assessment, I think that is," Master Yoda said, speaking for the first time.
"Really?" She said, doing a double take when she laid eyes on him. "Let me tell you what I've seen of the great Jedi so far, Master Muppet. I've seen them leave the people of the Factory District to die but show up front and center when a Queen was threatened. I've seen them try to make him," she said, pointing at Obi Wan. "Feel bad for daring to care. And now I find out that instead of freeing slaves because, I don't know, it's the freaking right thing to do, you instead just gamble for the one that you think is useful and don't give a crap about the rest. Well, you can take your self-righteous Jedi mumbo-jumbo and shove it up your-"
"To be fair," Qui Gon interrupted. "Those are all your interactions with me. And the Padawan that I trained. So it seems your problem is with me and not the Jedi as a whole."
"You're right, I get the feeling these guys would've told you to leave Anakin along with his mom and get back to your duty as the Queen's guard dog," she said with an eye roll.
"I know this isn't what you want to hear right now," Obi Wan said, reluctant to draw her ire but feeling a bit defensive just the same. "But sometimes concessions have to be made. Slavery is a galaxy wide issue and a part of life for many regions. Just because we may disagree with it doesn't mean we can just do as we please because we're Jedi. Much like your dealings with Greely and his doings in the Factory District, you must allow for situations that are sometimes not ideal to keep the larger peace."
Buffy looked angry at first, making him wonder if he should have kept his mouth shut, but it slowly melted to disappointment – which was worse…
"You're right. I did let him get away with a lot of things – but treating living beings as property wasn't one of them. Everyone that worked for Greely was there by their own choice. Anything I came across that had to do with trading people like livestock was shut down immediately and in a way that made my view on the subject very clear."
"One person taking on a small time crime lord is quite different than a large organization charged with peace keeping questioning and interfering in a long standing way of life," Qui Gon said, his voice was sympathetic much to Obi Wan's relief.
"And the problem is that you just accept that and go on," Buffy said, shaking her head. "For the greater good."
Obi Wan felt that stirring of emotion again that Buffy and the way she lived her life incited. She didn't abide by rules of tradition or politics or the ideology that some must suffer and sacrifice to achieve a greater goal. She wanted to protect everyone. She didn't pick and choose – if she saw injustice she strove to make it right for all, not just some and not just because that's where she was sent at that particular time. It might be an unrealistic goal, but… that's how he wanted to live his life, too - with the belief that he could do good anywhere and everywhere. She lived her days one by one helping wherever she could – whether it be a small commune of families in the Factory District or a dark alley in Crimson Corridor or even by beating a Sith Lord in the bowels of a palace on another planet. Great and small, she lived her life striving to do all she could.
"You're the reason for Obi Wan's decision to leave," Master Windu said, hand off of his light saber but still resting close to it.
Obi Wan flushed, realizing his stream of consciousness had probably just been broadcast to the entire room, save Buffy.
"I think you mean I'm the other side of the fence that Obi Wan hasn't been allowed to look at since you've had him wearing blinders since he was a freaking toddler, apparently."
"You are corrupting years of training with your simple ideology," Master Ki-Adi-Mudi countered.
"You bring these kids here when they're tiny and teach them not to feel and you want to accuse me of corruption? Fine, then yep, I'm going to corrupt him. I'm going corrupt him with fun and love and all the things he's been denied here. And he'll feel pain and loss and bad stuff, too. But that's okay, because I have faith in him and that the good always outweighs the bad. That you don't allow anyone to feel that shows that you have no faith in the people you train or the side of good, despite your supposed dedication to it."
"Nothing wrong with love, there is. But to love all equally is the proper Jedi way. When the balance is lost, darkness does follow."
"If he's going to talk a lot I might need a translator," Buffy said under her breath after a beat of silence causing Obi Wan to bite his cheek to prevent a very inappropriate smile.
"There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.
That is the Jedi way," Master Windu recited.
"Yeah, that's all well and good to say, and I'm guessing some of you can actually pull that off. But it's ridiculous to think everyone can live their lives feeling everything through a filter."
"You're right, those that are trained and do not, they turn to the dark side."
"Oh, please," Buffy said, her lack of respect simultaneously making Obi Wan cringe and entertaining him. "How many of those Dark Lords, or whatever you call them, do you think ever knew anything about love? Or, I should say, real love. If their version of love made them go all evil then something in them was already broken. That doesn't just happen with Jedi, FYI."
"No it does not, but the power that Jedi wield make them more of a threat when that happens," Master Windu said.
"Training you have had, in this manner," Master Yoda said.
While he could feel trickles of frustration and suspicion toward Buffy from most of The Council, all he got from Master Yoda was a pervading sense of curiosity.
"Yeah, and it was useless. Maybe some of you can do it, but I can't put my all into protecting what I can't care about. It would just get me killed. My emotions make me stronger, not weaker."
Obi Wan saw Qui Gon's eyes narrow slightly as he (along with the rest of The Council, he was sure) caught that piece of information that Buffy had indeed received some sort of training in the past. Obi Wan was curious as well, but he had no desire to force her to tell him what she wasn't comfortable revealing. He just hoped in time she'd trust him enough to share.
"Comfortable using that weapon, you are?" Master Yoda asked with a gesture to the light saber still in Buffy's hand.
She just blinked at him for a moment, apparently thrown off by the non-sequitur as Obi Wan was.
"Um, yeah," she said, glancing down at it and giving a shrug. "Considering there's nothing really to it, I thought it'd be harder to use."
"And you took this weapon from the Sith at an earlier encounter?" Mace asked.
"Yes, I did. And that 'earlier encounter' was when the Black Sun killed everyone in the Factory District while all you Jedi sat on your hands here in your big white palace, by the way."
"You received no training in using it?" Qui Gon asked.
She shot him a dirty look, apparently not forgetting that she was still angry with him for what happened on Tatooine.
"No, I have not. I thought it was some kind of blaster at first," she said, looking at Obi Wan – her dirty look melting into a small smile as she spoke to him like there was no one else in the room. "I'll have to show you my bed, I cut the whole corner off of it by accident."
"You're lucky you didn't lose a limb," he said dryly.
"That was a close second to the bed, that's for sure," she said looking sheepish. "But after that it was all good. Listen, are we done here? I'm seriously hungry."
"No, we are certainly not-"
"Go, you may," Master Yoda interrupted Master Windu. "Interesting this conversation has been. Padawan Kenobi, you are released from your Jedi duties, but return to check in, you must."
The rest of the Council looked passive, but Obi Wan could feel his own surprise by Master Yoda's declaration echoed around the room. Buffy looked a little mutinous – maybe by the permission to leave or maybe by the order to check in – so Obi Wan decided it was best to leave with her quickly before she lit up that lightsaber again.
"You think it's safe to allow a Padawan to leave with someone such as her?" Master Ki-Adi-Mudi said, apparently not able to keep his doubts silent. "She's a void in the Force-"
"Just because sense something, you cannot, means it's not there, it does not."
"Okay, seriously. I need someone to draw me a diagram removing the negatives from that sentence and rearranging the words. I can't tell if he's insulting me or not…"
"He's not," Obi Wan said, ushering her toward the door before they changed their minds.
"Accompany Obi Wan on his visits, you may," Master Yoda called out behind them. "Very interesting you are…"
Obi Wan wished he could shut out the ominous feeling those words gave him as the blast doors shut out the view of the Council behind them…
The walk from the Jedi Palace of Pompous Douchebags was so very awkward that Buffy didn't even realize where they were going until they were in front of a familiar diner.
"You eat at this place, too?"
"Yes, quite often actually. I'm friends with the owner," Obi Wan said, speaking for the first time since they'd left the Temple.
Buffy suddenly felt like a total asshat as she looked at him standing there holding his little bag of belongings. Things had kind of taken a turn for the weird (well, more weird anyway) after their meeting with the Council and she'd let herself get caught up in that instead of the fact Obi Wan's life had just done a total one-eighty…
"So you live here?" Buffy asked, peering in the door of the room. It was much larger and better furnished than her place in Crimson Corridor - but it was also under the roof of Big Brother Council, so Buffy couldn't say she was envious.
"I do. Or I did," he said, gathering things and putting them in a small travel-type bag.
Buffy stepped out of the room, back into the hall, feeling like an intruder. His whole life was changing, being turned upside down, because of her…
To try to ignore how uneasy that made her feel, she studied the sign next to the door. She wasn't great with Basic. Or even good. Just barely passable, really. While apparently speaking it was the same as good old English, reading it… not so much. Bria, Alex and even Bal had been teaching her slowly here and there but learning a new language was hard. After a few minutes she puzzled out what the sign said and her mouth formed a little "o" as she realized how she'd been mangling Obi Wan's name. He didn't seem to mind her calling him Juan, but maybe he was just being polite…
He stepped out of the room, blocking her view of the sign. Seeing him standing there, bag in hand, she suddenly realized…
"Where are you going to live?"
His face, already kind of tight, went a little blank and he looked away from her. "That's something I'll have to figure out…"
He lived under the Jedi roof, ate the Jedi food… She wasn't even sure if they paid him!
"That's silly, you'll just stay with me," she said, shrugging and turning away in case he could make out the panic on her face.
So, she was going to live with a guy. A guy that she had feelings of the hot and sexy and warm and fuzzy variety. She'd just learned to say his name right! Normal moving relationships weren't her exactly her strong point, how was she going to avoid screwing one up that was moving at light speed?!
But now wasn't the time to panic like a teenager about living with a boy when he was probably feeling a thousand kinds of awkward and lost and who knew what else…
Stepping close, she hooked her arm through his and gave him a bright smile.
"Familiar footing on our first real date, huh? Weak…"
He looked taken aback for a second before nudging her toward the door with a small smile.
"I thought our first date was when you saved me from the Antipodes' Visitor's Committee?"
"Well, I think we should start over since I just learned to say your name the right way," she said, with a sheepish look as she slipped in the entrance just ahead of him. "You should tell me when I'm mangling something, by the way. And you should tell me how I'm mutilating Key's name, too."
"I don't think I will," he said, throwing a hand up at the guy that owned the place as they paused in the entry. "I rather liked being Juan, honestly."
Buffy's smile and good humor melted away as her eyes did a cursory sweep of the place and she spotted a familiar blue someone shoveling food in his hole toward the back.
"You've got to be kidding me…"
Leaning over to the nearest booth she snatched something that looked like a yellow octopus tentacle off of the closest plate (receiving a wet angry sound from the plate's owner, but ignoring it) and flung it across the diner where it hit Bal in the forehead with enough force to make him drop his fork.
"You've got to be freaking kidding me," she repeated, arm sliding from Obi Wan's as she marched toward the back.
Bal's black eyes went a little wide when he caught sight of her and for a minute she wondered if he was going to run. Then he just slumped back in his seat, plucked the tentacle from his face and started eating it.
"So, you are alive," he said with an apprising look. "And not even missing any parts. Glad I didn't put any credits down on that bet."
"You just left me there!"
"Bet you're wishing you'd let me hold that lightsaber now, aren't you, hot stuff?"
"You son of a-"
Buffy leapt at him only to be caught around the waist – feet swinging and hands clawing at the blue idiot.
"If you start a fight we'll never get to eat," Obi Wan's mild voice said in her ear.
"Just going to work up more of an appetite," she growled out but stopped her murder attempt as another, more important, matter came to mind.
"What about Alec?"
"He's fine," Bal said with a blasé wave of his hand. "Found a new fun place to stash him and he's all good."
The relief she felt, knowing he was safe, was eclipsed by something a little more selfish. She'd really thought Alec would pitch a fit if Bal tried to leave without her…
"He- did he ask about me? Did you tell him I was there?"
Bal was silent too long and Buffy's stomach dropped at the sympathetic look he leveled at her.
"Give him some time, kid."
"Oh," she said, slumping slighting. "Yeah, of course."
So he did blame her. She shouldn't be surprised. It was her fault after all – Maul went there looking for her. If he hadn't broken the door down everyone in there would've probably been fine…
"So this your new ride?" Bal's asked with a sneer. "In more ways than one, I see."
Buffy followed his eyes to Obi Wan's arm which was still around her waist.
"Don't say 'new' like we-" Buffy shook her head. "I want a refund."
"No can do, Buf. You knew the rules when you left – take too long and you're out of a ride," he gave a dirty little smile that made her roll her eyes as he stood up, tossing his napkin on the table. "Why the whining? Looks like you made out pretty well. A Jedi escort? Nice catch."
"Make out- We didn't-," Buffy blurted before her brain caught up and realized that wasn't what he'd been implying.
She snapped her mouth shut and, though it was unlikely Bal had heard that phrase before, it was obvious from the look on his face that he knew what she meant. And what her "doth protest too much" babble meant.
"Looks like our business is done. You know where to find me if you need me," Bal said, giving a wave over his shoulder as he walked away.
Buffy went to follow after, not wanting things to be sour between them even though she was the one that got stranded on a far off planet because of him. But a slight resistance around her waist had her pausing and looking down, realizing Obi Wan still had his arm around her.
"Oh, sorry," he said, releasing her and stepping away. "You can- If you want to go talk to him, that's fine. I can wait here."
Buffy gave the door another glance, but shook her head. The fact he made her feel like apologizing when she'd done nothing wrong suddenly pissed her off. He freaking left her on Naboo.
"Nah, let's eat."
"That's what I like to hear," came the booming voice of the owner.
Given that Dex's t-shirt looked like it hadn't been washed since the place opened, Buffy had been fine with seeing him from a distance in the diner (and trying not to dwell too much on the fact that he made what she was eating…), but Obi Wan looked genuinely happy to see him, so she made an effort not to sidle away.
"I see you finally found the girly," Dex said.
"Huh?" Buffy asked, suddenly much more open to Dex's visit now that she saw the slight pink hue that Obi Wan had picked up.
"Yes, yes," Obi Wan said, quickly before patting Dex on the shoulder. "How about you bring us two Specials – it's been a long day."
"Sure, sure," Dex said. "Bask in your victory."
With a laugh, he was gone, leaving a highly amused Buffy and a very uncomfortable Obi Wan behind. Buffy shoved Bals empty plate to the side and slid into the booth, looking up at Obi Wan with a teasing grin.
"You finally found me, huh?"
"You didn't leave much of a trail when you left the Antipodes. It took a little… investigating."
Buffy wanted to tease him more, but really, it just felt nice that he put the effort into finding her. Made her kind of warm and fuzzy, really. Deciding that she was going to give him a break this once, she changed the subject – instead taking the opportunity to ask the question that had been bugging her since they left the temple.
"So, what did Grandpa Conehead mean by saying I'm 'a void in the force'?"
"Every living thing produces a kind of energy field," he said, sitting down across from her. "It's all around us and in us."
"Yeah, yeah, I got that little tidbit from Key's lecture. So I don't have any force?" Then it dawned on her… "Ohhh, that's what everyone meant!"
"You are… I'm not sure, really," he said, studying her so intently that she felt like squirming under the scrutiny – irrationally nervous of what he might find by looking that closely. "Despite his wording, you're not exactly a void – there's not a dark spot where you should be. It's more like you aren't there. The Force flows through the spot you occupy, but it's more as if you weren't there at all."
Like she wasn't there at all.
Those words caused a hollow pang. It made a kind of depressing sense, actually. After all, she didn't belong in that dimension. Maybe she was like that Marcy girl in high school who turned invisible because no one really saw her. She had no personal connections with anyone. The Force knew she didn't belong, so it just ignored her.
She'd had Bria and Bal and Alec, but Bria was dead and Alec didn't want anything to do with her and Bal had left her behind. She'd helped a lot of people leave the Factory District, but how could she know if their lives were any better now? Maul had been looking for her when he broke down the door that let the Black Sun members in the building, but she'd been the one that bought the door in the first place, so it wouldn't have even been there for any kind of protection anyway. Maybe Bal still would've been there and Alec would've made it to him on his own.
If she had died after jumping in that portal and never ended up there, would anything be any different?
Obi Wan's warm hand landed on top of hers, drawing her eyes up to meet his concerned gaze.
He saw her.
She'd made a difference in his life, at least. He was on a whole new life path because of meeting her.
Instead of making her feel better, though, Buffy couldn't help but wonder if causing this particular change was such a good thing…
