Authors' Note: Dear Bob in Square Hell, we are so, so, so, so, SO sorry for the incredibly long wait. Time flies when you have AP classes in which you get B's (this NEVER HAPPENS to ANY of my Asian brethren! Gah! Bad Asian! Bad!). School has been excruciatingly difficult so far, and Twitch and I have been struggling to Keep Up. We hope you forgive us. Really, we do.
This is not an actual chapter but random bits of brain splurge that didn't really fit into the plot. A peace offering, if you will, to apologize in a most heartfelt manner for the slowness of our brains.
Chapter Two will be done very soon, as we are rapidly approaching the 4000 word mark. Stick with us! Read! Review! Flame! Kill! RAWR!
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The noon sun found Sirius and Remus in the common room; Sirius splayed all over the floor and Remus sitting at a table, completing his Tranfiguration homework.
"Moony," Sirius remarked, "Moony, help me. There is a very shiny red and green beetle on the window and I wish to collect it and call it Father Christmas but I can't seem to be able to get up."
"You've got your feet tangled in the rug," Remus observed, "Try getting out of it."
There was a pause.
"I don't think this rug likes my feet very much. It seems to have devoured them." Sirius looked very surprised at this discovery and flailed at his eaten feet unhappily. Remus sighed.
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"I think Father Christmas has adapted quite well to his red party cup," said Sirius, "He's hanging upside down from a blade of grass and waving his legs in a distressed manner." He paused, examining his captive, "Oh, he stopped waving!"
"Oh, he's dead," Remus muttered.
"No, his antennae are still twitching, see?"
"Lots of bugs move after they've died."
"Oh." Sirius peered morosely at his bug. After a short pause, he shouted, startling Remus so he dropped his quill. "HE MOVED! HE'S ALIVE! Moony, you lied." Sirius glared at him accusingly.
Remus looked slightly affronted, "I was only kidding."
"I'm sure you were, you berk." Sirius stuck his face in his cup, nose almost brushing the beetle, "Don't worry, Father Christmas. I won't let evil Moony hurt you or convince you you're dead." He scowled again at Remus.
Remus rolled his eyes. "Next thing you know you'll be snogging the thing. Honestly, you idiot, you hardly know him. Besides, he's an insect. You know, the little crawly things with six legs."
"Jealous, are you, Moony? I know your loins pine for me and all, but I've found someone else." Sirius stroked the beetle affectionately. Remus merely snorted, tossing a balled-up piece of parchment at Sirius, and returned to his homework.
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"Oh, god," Remus said, "What the hell is that?"
"A sipder!" Sirius beamed, "I made it myself!"
James flicked a piece of lint off his shirt, and without batting an eyelash, asked, "What's the gold ribbon for?"
Sirius blinked at him. "It's for SHININESS, idiot. I like shiny things."
"You would," said Remus sardonically, "and may I remind you that it has not always led you down the right path. The next time your gobstones fall out of your pocket, you would do well not to follow them between Marlene McKinnon's legs."
"That," Sirius grumbled, "was an ACCIDENT. A-C-C-I-D-E-N-T, comma, A-K-A, NOT MY FAULT." He prodded the sipder, which made a disturbing amount of noise for something that was not supposed to be alive.
Peter stared at the sipder warily. "So . . . what exactly does it do?"
"Well," Sirius puzzled for a minute, "er. You can drink out of it, 'cos I stuck the straw thing in it. And," he paused, deep in thought, "it bites if you squeeze it too hard." At this the sipder's, shall we say, appendages, swayed in a way that conveyed that it was not swaying because Sirius was swaying, but because it felt like swaying all by itself.
Remus gaped. "Ah. . . Sirius. . . . That thing is. . . moving. Of its own volition." He edged away.
"Is it?" asked Sirius, a little vaguely. He prodded it, causing it to squeak and wave its appendages in an agitated manner. "Oooh!"
There was a small silence as everyone turned to look at the sipder.
"Ow!" They jumped. "It bit me!"
At this indignant proclamation, the sipder hissed menacingly. Eight, glowing red eyes flared open, fixed upon Sirius' face.
"Ohmygod," Sirius said, and dropped it on the floor, where it scuttled over to the open window and, much to Sirius' consternation, leaped away.
"NOOO! SIPDER! COME BACK! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" Sirius wailed, waving his arms out the window.
"Shut up, Sirius, you look a right idiot," Remus said sternly, tugging the mourning Sirius back down. "Anyways, it was your fault you lost it."
"Oh, unfeeling Moony!" Sirius sighed, collapsing onto James' lap, "Cruel, unfeeling Moony!"
"Gerroff," James mumbled into Sirius' hair, "Hairtasthsbad."
Sirius grumbled, collapsing into one large Padfoot heap on the floor. "You are all," he declared, "unfeeling, wanking berks."
"Really?" James smirked, "I could've been sure that was you in that stall the other day, moaning about –"
"James!" Sirius hissed, "Shut up!"
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End Note: WE PROMISE CHAPTER TWO WILL BE OUT SOON!
