Suppressed Emotions, Hidden Desires
Chapter 3: "What Should I do...?"
Firstly, I would like to personally thank EVERYONE who reviewd my second chapter. YOU ALL FUCKIN' ROCK! THANKS FOR SUPPORTING THE NOOB!
Anyway:
Bigguy1234: Thanks. I try to please my peers LOL.
Frost-EVA-04: She will, just not soon, Not until the fifth Chapter, I hope.
Shinigami-Halfbreed: LOL! Sorry 'bout the characters, thats what fanfics are about, I say. I've read fanfics saying Misato's as well behaved as the Queen of England, and people didn't say jackshit about that. LOL!
HerrEvangelion101: He's not a rapist, just took it too far, too fast, is all. He'll act WAYY different in the coming chapters, including this one.
Master Disaster: This one goes out to you my friend. Best Positive Review Award. Read HerrEvangelions' reply, one up. He isn't a rapist. If he was, I'd make Asuka call the fuzz on him. FIGHT THE POWER! LOL, Just kidding.
Rahhel: Thanks, but I can't ask you for help on EVERY piece of German, I'll just have her speak English from now on. Read and find out what happens! That's all I gots to say!
ninetyninenails: Thanks! I told you I'd spice up the second chapter. This story is gonna be HOT!
Marduk-report: Gotcha. I'm not gonna change anything in this fic, since I got a great crowd going here, I'll get better next fic, PROMISE! I got tons of replies for this chapter, the last one everyone hated.
Anyway, on to the fic. This chapter is all about what Shinji does to try and win her back, and if it has any effect. I kinda made Shinji really angry towards what he did so just read to find out.
Chapter Three
It was the day after the incident, and Asuka woke up early for a Saturday. She had terible dreams last night about what Shinji might've done to her if he could have gotten her naked. She shivered at the thought. Shinji was a gentle and caring person, yet, he can become extremely angry. She didn't want to face him after what had happened. "He had almost gotten my bra off for God's sake!" She was scared, even now. She felt something well up inside her, but she didn't know what it was. It wasn't hatred, she knew that, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Fear? Quite possible. Last night she felt a desire to stop him, but that desire was matched by the desire to give her body to him. She wanted to protect herself, yet she wanted to please him. She wanted him to be happy with her, but she didn't want him to think that he could use her body whenever he wanted. She buried her face in her pillow and cried, not knowing how to solve this problem.
Shinji was in his room, wondering if he should run that knife across the soft flesh of his arm. He had stayed up all night, using the flat top of the blade, running across the tender skin of his wrist. He had never meant to harm Asuka, physically or mentally, but she loved him. He was angry, mostly at himself, but his anger towards Asuka burned brighter than any star. If she loved him, why not do what lovers do naturally? He was angry at himself because he not only knew the answer to that question, he had tried to force himself upon her. He felt his cheeks burn as his tears rolled down them. He finally turned the knife over, and placed it on his flesh. He twisted his face into a look of pain, as he dragged it across his veins. He opened his eyes, and gasped. He saw no blood, but he saw a dark red outline of where it had crossed his arm. "Why am I doing this?" He asked himself. He soon answered himself. "I...I caused Asuka pain. This is the only possible punushment for that." Newton's law: For Every Action, There Is An Equal and Opposite Reaction. The reaction had already happened, and the reaction caused Shinji to contemplate slicing into his wrist. That action led to him actually trying, not succeding, but trying. He then tried again, and this time drew blood. "When it actually happens, it's not that bad, and now, well..." He watched, as a small pool began to take form, and he actually smiled at the sight. He made no attempt to dry it, he only took notice when it started to overflow. He took a deep breath, and walked out, still holding his arm straight out. He got to the nearest sink, in the bathroom, and let it flow over the sides into the basin of the sink. He turned on the water to wash his wound, and wash the blood off of the sides of the sink. Staring at it, he notices that blood isn't seeping from the slender opening. Sighing, he walks out into the living room. Seeing that Misato isn't awake, he knocks on Asuka's door. "What?" She barks. Shinji opens the door, and sees that Asuka's face is buried into her pillow. She looks up, and then looks away from him. He walks over, and sits on the very edge of the bed. He places a hand on Asuka's shoulder. "I...I'm...Asuka, I'm sorry about...what happened last...night. I don't know...what came over me..." Shinji spoke softly. He knew that Asuka's feelings were an old, narrow bridge. Saying too much, or, rather, DOING too much would cause it to break. "I know you are. BUT! You're going to have to work harder than that. You really hurt me last night, you know. I told you to stop, but did you? No." Shinji shrunk with every sentence. "Now, look." Shinji looked suprised as she kissed him on the lips. "We can still be like that, but only if I let you. You went really awry last night, I can't let you get like that again." Shinji looked destroyed. He knew that Asuka still loved him now, but she had no shred of trust left for him. "Please understand...now..." He looked at her, and was about to say, 'now what', when her lips met his. Shinji reached up, and placed one hand on her shoulder, only to have it immediately removed. "Not right now. Just enjoy this feeling." She said, after taking his hand off her shoulder. Shinji's body relaxed, and his shoulders slumped. He pushed forward, into the kiss, and Asuka accepted that. She broke the kiss, and told him to leave. Shinji sighed, and Asuka frowned slightly. "Normally, I'd let you stay, because you'd see me like this sooner or later, but under current circumstances, I can't." He knew what she was talking about. He accepted this punishment of sorts from Asuka. He deserved it. He left, and went into his room. He turned on his SDAT, and began to think. He began to wonder what he could do to get Asuka back. "I don't think just anything will work. She'd be expecting me to do something like that..."
He formulated plan after plan but nothing sounded plausible to him. He sighed with frustration. "Gah...I can't think with this damn music going!" He immediately shut the SDAT off, and yanked the bugs out of his ears. He leaned back onto his pillow, and tried to get a good idea of how to get her back. Little did he know that his actions that morning would work flawlessly.
Asuka walked out of her room, and walked down the hall. She stood at Shinji's room's door, and raised her hand to knock. She paused, mentally preparing herself for what she was about to do. She knocked twice, and walked in. Shinji looked at her, and then smiled. Asuka walked towards him, and sat on his bed. "Shinji, I wanted to say something. I didn't mean to chew you out earlier, I just wanted you to understand. I know that you love me, yet...you still need to rebuild my trust for you." Shinji looked up, and saw her eyes begin to water. He sat up, kissed her cheek, and spoke softly. "I understand Asuka..." She smiled at him, and leaned forward to kiss him. Shinji pushed her away, afterwards hugging her. As he pulled away, his slice wound showed. Asuka's eyes widened, and her arms went up. She gasped, and pulled his arm back to her. "Oh my God! Shinji, what happened?" Asuka asked, holding the red, swollen line in his skin a few inches from her eyes. She was looking at it, almost in disgust. "I...uh...did..that...to myself..." The words rolled off his lips, and Asuka looked at him in horror. "Why?" was all Asuka could say. Shinji's speech was shaky, and he tried to finish as early as possible. "I was so mad at myself for last night, I did that, to get back at myself." Asuka latched on to him, crying, and said, "No! You didn't...have to..." She pulled her face from his chest, and looked at him, tears streaming down her face. "You're so stupid...so freaking stupid...I can't believe you..." She smiled at him, and shot forward, kissing him deeply. She pulled away and said, "I can't believe I love you...I can't believe I love an idiot like you...you didn't have to hurt yourself..." Shinji placed his finger under her chin, and raised her face to his, smiling at her. "Yes, I did. I hurt you, it's only right. Besides..." He said, stroking her cheek, "If you were hurt, I don't know what I'd do to myself." Right then, Asuka Langley Soryu snapped. She shot forward again, engulfing Shinji in a fiery kiss. He was suprised, after what happened, why would she be acting like this? His eyes widened, remembering what he had said. He then closed them, pushing into the kiss. He reached up, and placed his hands on the back of her head, and held her in place. She didn't care one bit. She pushed him over, wrapping her arms around him. He encirled her with his arms, placing them on her back. Asuka felt his hands rest on her shoulderblades, while hers were on the dent in his lower back. Feeling happy for the first time in years, she didn't dare let go. She squeezed him so hard, he thought she was going to break him in half. He crossed his arms behind her, and held her close to him. She broke the kiss, and looked Shinji in the eyes. He gazed deep into her cerulean blue eys as well. They didn't know what to say to one another. Shinji smiled, and brought her face to his. She kissed him again, but her heart wasn't in it. He gazed at her after she leaned back. "Asuka, I thought...what about what you said earlier? I mean, all I did was slice myself. No big deal." Asuka's face crumpled up, and he immediately pulled her into his chest, to stifle any sobs issued from her. She didn't sob, but looked up, and slapped him. Shock surged throughout his body. He looked at her quizzically as she spoke. "It IS a big deal! That little cut could've made you get your hand, or, God forbid, your ARM amputated! You think that your limbs can be regrown? THEY CAN'T. They maybe remade with todays sciences, but it's not the same! It IS a BIG deal in my eyes Shinji Ikari! You may not value your life very much, but I think you are a Godsend. I love you Shinji; I don't want you to die." Shinji smiled at her and kissed her and squeezed her with all his might. He didn't want to let her go.
Ever.
End
Chapter Four: Young Lovers.
We'll find out what'll happen to the pair.
A/N: Well! That chapter may have seemed short, but it was the longest god damned thing I've ever written. It took me five days to write this much...GOD I need a nap!
Read + Review!
G.M.T.D.M.
