'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Joe's Bar,

Immortals were gathering from near and from far.

The first to arrive was Duncan MacLeod,

Who burst in the room, and he burst in quite loud.

"Where is he?" he shouted. "Where is that old man?

He's ruined my Christmas as only he can!"

Joe only smiled and said, "Here, have a drink.

He's just stepped out for a moment, I think."

"Look at my hair!" the Highlander cried.

"I can't get it to sit down. Believe me I've tried.

The shampoo that he gave me was loaded with glue.

It sticks out at all angles. Tell me, what should I do?"

Joe thought for a second, and gave him a hat.

He poured them both drinks and said, "That fixes that."

The buzz hit poor Duncan and the cold hit poor Joe,

As Amanda came slamming in out of the snow.

"He's dead!" she shouted, her voice ringing clear.

"Joe, you're his friend, so I know he's been here!"

Joe poured a new drink, and said, "Here, have a seat.

I wasn't expecting you. This is really a treat."

"Don't try to calm me," the Immortal one raged.

"That man is just awful. He ought to be caged!

Look at this necklace." The rocks shimmered and gleamed.

"I took it out to be sold, errr, I mean to be cleaned."

"The necklace is stolen. I tell you, it's hot.

The pawn shop reported me. I'm in quite a spot.

You tell him for me, Joe, I said he's a rat."

She then looked at Duncan and asked, "Why the hat?"

Richie was next. He slumped at the bar.

"This time," he said. "The guy's gone too far."

"What's your beef?" Joe asked, as he poured beer in a glass.

"Thanks to Adam," he said. "I've got fire on my ass."

"The seat polish he gave me was especially fine.

Guaranteed, he said, to give my bike the best shine.

The secret ingredient, he never did say.

I had no way of knowing I rubbed in Ben Gay."

The trio all sat, drank round after round,

but the man they all sought just couldn't be found.

Finally, 'round two, they got up to go.

"If I see him," Joe said. "I'll sure let him know."

After they'd left, he stepped out of the loo,

Stepped up to the bar, and said, "I'll have a drink, too."

Joe shook his head and he said with a sigh,

"You really are a funny, funny guy."

Methos took a long swallow and said with a smile.

"Hey, at least they forgot their troubles a while.

"Immortals, you see, have a hard kind of life.

One that is filled with stress and with strife."

"To gather together on this night's not bad

Even if the reason is that they're all mad.

So for that reason, I was glad to be used,

Besides, as you know, I'm easily amused."

"And, so, my old friend, your leave I must take.

I have a few calls left tonight I must make.

Remember this, as I call for my cab,

Happy Christmas to all. Put the drinks on my tab."