Author: EsotericCrimson
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine. If you haven't gotten that by now…
Summary: When Obi-Wan is wounded on a diplomatic assignment gone awry, Anakin is left to reflect upon his relationship with his former Master, and realizes that, when death could come for them at any moment, there are some things that cannot be left unsaid. Slash.
A/N: The next few chapters, as it seems, will be snapshots that begin to solidify Obi-Wan and Anakin's current relationship, showing how they came to trust each other, how their loyalty to one another was shaped, and how their affections were secured. Hopefully it won't be too boring ;) I am actually thinking of hinting at some pre-slash before it was originally intended for this fic, by changing an upcoming chapter. Any opinions on that?
As for this chapter - I was going to go into more detail with what happened in the flashback, but as it turned out, it wasn't necessary, and was cut out. I encourage you to use your imagination if you feel so inclined in the absence of definite description.
Again, thanks to the reviewers:
Seylin: We're not quite nearing the end yet. And don't cry! I would feel bad if I made you cry…And as for the third Hollow Kingdom book – it is excellent, of course… but probably my least favorite, incomparison.
i luv ewansmile: Thanks. And I suppose the question is now – am I such a review whore that I will allow Obi-Wan to livefor another review? ;) I'm not quite that desperate yet… but I wonder whether you will get your wish anyway… ponders
allymcnally: Why thank you :D
I heart reviews, so if you get a chance to send one my way, it would make my day. Anyway, enjoy!
- EsotericCrimson
Chapter Six: Faith
"Obi-Wan, you know that I believe you. They believe you. But it's protocol… we have to…"
Obi-Wan paused and turned towards the tall Corellian Master. "No, I understand. I know the procedure well enough, Master Gallia. I don't expect exceptions."
"Obi-Wan, please. Don't shrug me off with formalities. It's been long enough."
Obi-Wan sighed resignedly. "Adi… I'm sorry. It's just… I still, I can't, I," he paused, breathing deeply. "I apologize. I am being selfish. It was only, the last time I set foot on New Apsolon…"
Her eyes turned sympathetic. "It's alright, Obi-Wan. I understand. Old wounds reopen and bleed as steadily as they ever had before. It still pains you…" the beautiful Jedi Master approached the younger man, placing a dark hand tenderly upon his shoulder. "Know that we have not forgot them. Though at times it may seem as if we have… Qui-Gon will never be overlooked, and Tahl is often in my thoughts."
"Thank you," Obi-Wan whispered, and she could see that her words were a true comfort to the younger man.
She nodded to him before returning to the original subject. "For now though, just please believe me. This will all be over in no time."
"I don't fear the Council, Adi, nor the Courts. I just can't imagine how I'm going to explain it to Anakin."
"He's a smart young man, Obi-Wan, he'll understand. And he'll be fine with it," she paused here, smiling in a reminiscent way. "I questioned my dead friend's judgement when he presented that boy to the Council. I did not agree that Skywalker should be trained."
Obi-Wan was silent a moment. "Nor did I," he replied quietly, his words tinged with shame.
"You have done well with him, Obi-Wan. And anyone can see that he rather idolizes you. He will find no failing in you when you break the news of these unfortunate affairs of politics. In any case, it is only temporary."
Obi-Wan sneered despondently at the final comment. "So long as the Courts find no fault with me."
"You have no reason to believe that they will. You acted as any of us would have, and more importantly, as you should have. The Living Force is a mysterious thing, Obi-Wan. We don't always comprehend why it beckons us to act as it does. We, as Jedi, set ourselves apart because we do not dwell upon that question. We see that will done, regardless of whether we know for certain why, because we believe it is right. And it is right, Obi-Wan. You must trust always that it is."
Obi-Wan turned away from her gaze. "Not always, Adi."
"Your lack of faith is troubling, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan thought for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "There are times when what seems, from all possible aspects, to be the will of the Force is contradictory to the Jedi way – against the code, against our lifestyle, against the precepts we live by and uphold."
Adi smiled serenely as she met her friend's changeable eyes. "Obi-Wan, sometimes what is necessary is not always what is right. The Jedi do what they can, but necessary evils - wrongs that are required - often find themselves within our practices. Alliances we would rather avoid, concessions we do not approve of, biases and instances of yielding that we cannot justify in our hearts or minds, but on paper, in terms of legality and feasibility, we must submit to. The Code is something we live by, yes, but each of us must decide whether we shall be bound by it; whether it shall live with you as an aide, as a guide, or for you, in your stead, against your own will. I am certain you know this as well as I. Remember it, and you will never falter. Believe in it, and you shall never be alone."
Anakin was lying upon his bed, staring intently at the ceiling. Obi-Wan was supposed to have come back two days ago. He had been sent on a mission, one supposedly too dangerous for a Padawan to accompany him on. Anakin now regretted that he couldn't recall where Obi-Wan had told him he was going; the young Jedi had been too angry and offended that he has obviously too 'weak' and 'inexperienced' to handle the situation on planet wherever to save whomever, that he hadn't been concentrating on a word his Master had said about the assignment itself.
He had felt his Master's presence in the Temple, or at least he thought he had, a few hours prior – but Obi-Wan had never been detained so long after returning from a mission. At least, he never was when they were together.
He would never own to it, but he was growing slightly worried. Only slightly. More concerned, really. Just a little bit concerned.
"Anakin?" came a voice from the door.
Anakin leaped from his bed with dizzying speed, dashing out to the living area. "Master, you're back!"
Obi-Wan smiled wearily to return his Padawan's wide and enthusiastic grin. "Yes, indeed. Things became rather more involved that I had intended to see them become."
Anakin didn't really think that Obi-Wan had been looking for a response, so he simply continued beaming at his Master. Already he was happier – more content. His Master was home.
So distracted was he by his excitement at Obi-Wan's return that he hadn't caught the anxiety radiating from his Master, Anakin was therefore taken aback by the solemnity with which he found himself now being spoken to.
"Anakin, I must tell you something, and I need you to listen to me. I need you to listen, and I need you to understand."
Nodding, and wiping the smile from his face, Anakin steeled himself for whatever was to follow.
"While I was on New Apsolon, there was an incident. Chaos reins on the planet, and the disorder was greater than we had expected. Corruption was rampant everywhere. There was a… an attempt on the lives of those within the current governing body, and violence broke out on all fronts. Many lives were lost, and I was forced to make some very difficult decisions. I chose to save innocent bystanders, and by that action I caused many of the governing officials to die through my inaction. Because of this, what is left of the government of New Apsolon has requested an investigation. Unfortunately, the Jedi cannot handle this inquisition alone; the Senate Courts will lead the inquiry. According to protocol, I must relieve myself from all of my current duties in order to assist the inquest in any way I am able, and I am preferred to remain in quarters close to the proceedings, provided by the Justice Department. I will be leaving tomorrow; you will continue with your lessons, and the Council shall see to your wellbeing until I return."
Anakin was nearly stunned speechless. "Master…"
"Please, Anakin. It's difficult enough being in this position in the first place. I must ask you, don't fight me on this."
Anakin took a shuddering breath, attempting desperately to process everything he had just heard. Obi-Wan was some sort of… suspect? He knew Obi-Wan would never risk lives unnecessarily – he would sacrifice his own life to save just one soul, if he could. How could anyone accuse Obi-Wan, of all people, of such a thing? Accuse him of any kind of wrongdoing or misconduct? Obi-Wan was the epitome of a Jedi!
Filled with an indignant rage, he blurted out suddenly, "This is absurd! You didn't do anything wrong! It's not fair, it's wrong, it's…"
"Life, Anakin, is often something much less than fair. But we must have faith that justice will prevail."
There was something hidden in his Master's tone that stayed Anakin's tongue from protesting further. It seemed almost that Anakin's defense of Obi-Wan became the torment of Obi-Wan himself. And for the life of him, Anakin could not understand why.
As if sensing his confusion, Obi-Wan replied softly, massaging the bridge of his nose in defeat, "It is not you, Anakin. Please, do not think that it is you."
And that would have to be enough, Anakin knew.
"Can you at least stay here?" Anakin pleaded quietly.
"Anakin, I think it would be best that I cooperate with these people to the full extent to which I am able."
"Please?" Anakin begged, suddenly very desperate to not be alone again – to not be left to worry for his Master all by himself. Because worrying about him across a few buildings was just as painful as worrying about him half a galaxy away.
Obi-Wan was ready to protest, but the forlorn look in his young Padawan's eyes gave him pause. He hated greatly to cause Anakin undue suffering. Within the Force, he could sense his apprentice's unrest and apprehension. Relaxing slightly, he was compelled to assuage the boy's fears temporarily with an indecisive "We'll see."
Anakin was well aware it was best he would receive at this point, and was uncharacteristically grateful for it – a fact that did not go unnoticed by his Master.
"Would you mind making some tea while I use the 'fresher? I haven't bathed since I arrived planetside."
"Sure, Master," Anakin answered simply as Obi-Wan left the room. Even if it was just a few chambers away, for some reason he didn't want to let his Master out of his sight.
Obi-Wan had returned, in spite of Anakin's paranoid fears. He had ended up convincing Obi-Wan to stay with him through the ordeal in their quarters at the Temple, instead of in some unfamiliar place among those who wished to accuse him. His Master, as had been predicted, had been cleared of any guilt in the matter within a week – surprisingly expedient for the Courts of the Galactic Senate. Yet it would have been exceedingly difficult to condemn one of the most successful Jedi Knights in recent history.
Anakin still recalled the relief that flooded onto his Master's features when they had returned that evening. It had mirrored that which he had felt as well.
Anakin considered the memory, remembering how protective he had felt of Obi-Wan during that period in their lives – for the first time, he had found something he could help his Master through, found a way to be there for the man who seemed to be around for him whenever he was needed. He had never stopped being protective of Obi-Wan after that. When he had been younger, he hadn't been able to defend him physically in as adept a fashion as he had wished – even now he was bold and often foolhardy, lunging headfirst into situations that required more presence of mind and poise, things that Obi-Wan Kenobi possessed in excess.
Yet always, it had fallen to Anakin to protect and safeguard the one thing that mattered most to him, the one thing that Obi-Wan himself often failed to realize needed defending as much as his body.
Anakin, from that day onward, had been most diligent in protecting his Master's heart.
It had been both a challenge and an easy task; he had determined that early on. Obi-Wan was a composed man – he never let his emotions get the better of him, never allowed them to cloud his judgement, and very rarely expressed them openly, or even reservedly. Thus, Anakin often had little to work at protecting. Yet it didn't take very long in knowing his Master to realized that Obi-Wan felt all things acutely, intensely, and even if he didn't display it, the emotion was there nonetheless. But how could he ensure the safety of what he could not even see? How could he make sure Obi-Wan was emotionally sound if the man never exposed his heart in the first place?
It had puzzled him, always. He wondered, often, what exactly Obi-Wan felt for him.
"What are you thinking about?" A voice permeated his musings. Anakin knew the voice as it reached his ears from the side, and he had never much cared for its owner.
"Him."
He was met with a scoff. "That's a rather difficult, not to mention broad, topic. Don't hurt yourself."
Anakin turned quickly to meet the young Knight's gaze, and was surprised to find the exotic face to hold laughing eyes – the deeply colored lips turned up ever so slightly, peeking out from behind the towering stack of blankets she balanced in her arms.
"Honestly, Anakin. We all know thinking was never your strong point."
Anakin was confused by her teasing friendliness. Under normal circumstances, he may have taunted her, but the situation at hand was far from normal, and Anakin was far from feeling up to bantering with the Mirialan healer. He opted in stead for directness. "You and I have never gotten along, Barriss. What are you doing in here?"
Barriss sighed. "I thought you could use the company. You may not be my favorite person, Skywalker, but you don't deserve to sit in here day in and day out all by yourself."
Anakin was silent, listening half-heartedly as he turned back to Obi-Wan, hearing the healer set down her awkward load and approach him.
"You really should get out. Move around, stretch you legs. Or at least get some sleep. You were injured too, you know. You need to rest and recover."
Anakin tensed at the comment, something akin to a growl emitting from deep within his throat. Barriss sighed in defeat.
She left for a moment, reaching around the corner outside the room and returning with a circular tray in her hands.
"I brought you something to eat – Master Luminara says you haven't eaten in at least a day or two; why will you not take what she offers you?"
"I have no appetite."
Barriss moved closer with her food, bending down towards the distraught Knight.
"Master Kenobi would never wish you to do this, Anakin. Don't think me blind. He would wish you to care for yourself. I may never have been afforded the chance to know him well, but I am acquainted enough with him to know that much."
Anakin wished he could have spat back at her that she was right – she had never known Obi-Wan. She didn't know him, and thus had no right or place to speak for him. She didn't deserve to be able to speak for him. But he couldn't, because somewhere within him, he knew she was right.
She was right, but that didn't mean he had to agree with what was right.
Resolute, Barriss tried again. "I've seen the records for him, Anakin. He's healed miraculously. And absolutely every resource available has been exhausted for him. All we can do is wait. There's nothing else – time is the only option there is. Have patience, Anakin. And have faith. Things may yet be right."
Anakin never heard her leave, and only vaguely noticed the scent of the meal she left him.
