Title: One Day at Magneto's…
Verse: X-Men movieverse
Timeline: none
Author: KumaDaPuma
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and I am not making s off of this.
Summary: Although highly unlikely, what if the X-Men decided to attack Magneto's island fortress? Powers are abused, feelings get hurt, chaos ensues.
Warning! This story contains extreme nonsense and prejudice. No character is safe from the negative remarks of the author. All are treated equally…as bad.
BTW, every movie verse mutant is in this one although most of them are completely out of character. I don't care that anyone's dead and shouldn't be in this fic, I just wanted to collect all the characters and make them fight.
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A glorious sunny morning shines on the island fortress of Magneto's secret lair. In the only bedroom in the east wing (the Master bedroom used by the Master of Magnetism) the Master of the House rises to the bright rays streaming in through the windows. Magneto sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Trying not to disturb the slumbering form of the woman in bed next to him, Magneto quietly crept out of bed and started his morning exercises.
He went to the window overlooking the eastern part of the island which consisted of about three acres of forest although one acre had been cleared and currently hundreds and thousands of pounds of metal Magneto had been stockpiling lay in giant blocks. From yesterdays exercises Magneto had made fifteen giant blocks of metal, all ten feet cubed, and in three piles of five. Today he felt playful. He raised his hands like a conductor, paused and then waved his hands as if to music, playing the metal the way he wanted to. The blocks shifted under his mental ministrations, some separating into ten one-foot-cubed blocks, others into five two-foot-cubed blocks. He stacked them like legos, enjoying the way his art was turning out before his very eyes. After ten minutes he had built a small metal castle. He laughed, bemused by his own silliness. As a last exercise he lifted the castle fifty feet into the air repeatedly like doing reps at a gym. After thirty successions he gently laid the castle down. He would have dismantled the castle back into the blocks but he was feeling humorous and he decided to keep it the way it was. He was proud of the little vestment that was emblematic to his creative and mutant genius. The little castle shone brightly under the sun's morning glare. Damn, I'm good.
He turned and went back towards the bed. Mystique lay splayed out face up, the sheets covering only a partial of her body. She was still asleep and looked exhausted, no doubt from last nights events. He laughed to himself. Damn, I'm good.
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Meanwhile, in a foreign land called upstate New York, the inhabitants of a school for gifted children were busy suiting up for the days attack. One boy ran to catch up to the others who were already piling into the X-Jet. The feathers of his beautiful white, seldom used wings fluttering with the breeze.
"Wait! I want to go!" He cried. A guy dressed in his leather getup looked back and saw the boy running towards them. The guy would have been hot had it not been for those stupid chops and the odd hair, but looking good wasn't exactly his priority unlike the stogies and keeping up the surly behavior was.
"Sorry, bub, you're not an X-Man. Plus what makes you think you'll be much help looking like that?" Warren looked down at himself. He wore jeans. No shoes, no shirt, just jeans.
"I-I don't know." Logan turned to leave causing Warren to overreact. "C'mon! Can't I do anything to show that I have personality? I want to come!" The teenage angel was starting to pout and cry. Logan held his hands to his ears.
"No! Go back to class bird brain!" But Warren wasn't having it. He shouted like an adolescent boy, even throwing his fists in the air and stomping his foot on the ground. It wasn't until Warren mentioned he'd tell his rich daddy he wasn't being included that Logan gave in.
"All right! All right! Jeez! Get in the effin' jet!" Logan said waving his hand like Vanna White towards the plane. Warren smugly scampered into the jet. "Damn, who said you didn't have personality? I think you've got loads of personality…of an eight-year-old."
Inside the jet the other X-Men were already seated and eagerly awaiting the battle. Iceman sat next to his girl friday Rogue. They were busy flirting and holding their gloved hands in childish lust. Kitty and Colossus looked on with disgust. Scott and Beast sat across from the children. Beast spoke nonstop to Scott who said nothing because 1) the man never has anything interesting to say 2) for someone as involved in the plots as he should be he sure is forgettable and 3) he was most likely asleep behind the visor but how could you tell? In the Captains seat sat Storm whose new hairdo was garnering rave reviews by the co-pilot Jean Gray. Both were busy checking the machines instruments and chatting about recent purchases from the mall. Behind the captain was Kurt who stuck to himself and in the seat across the aisle from him was the intelligent Professor Xavier. Professor X was already seated and strapped in tight, looking like a kid in a car seat. He had decided to accompany the X-Men to Magneto's just to make sure the battle went morally and ethically sound.
With everyone seated and strapped in Storm fired up the engines and the jet careened through the sky towards Maine, the location of Magneto's not-too-secret-lair.
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The Brotherhood was enjoying another day in the life. There were a large number of members in the Brotherhood but it was summer and many that lived in the lair had left to enjoy sunny beaches in Mexico or the Caribbean. Among the mutants that had stayed was obviously the Master of Magnetism himself, his right hand woman and right now companion Mystique, the boy with balls of fire Pyro, speedy Callisto, numb nuts Juggernaut, clap-on-clap-off Archlight, needle brained Spyke, not-as-cool-as-Wolverine Sabertooth, one seriously fried Toad, and too-many-jokes-can-be-made-about Multiple Man.
At the moment everyone but Magneto and Mystique were playing a game of poker. The eight of them were piled at a table down in the commons room. I say "playing" but they were actually arguing about which poker game to play.
"We should play Texas Hold Em. Everyone knows how to play that." Callisto said.
"That game is overrated like the Wolverine. Let's play Razz." Stated Spyke.
"Are you kidding me? Razz blows! Now Seven Card stud…that's a game." Multiple Man proclaimed.
"Dude, we don't have enough cards in the deck to play Seven Card Stud with eight players." Pyro interjected.
"Dude, I can make another deck, Fireball." Multiple Man sneered.
"Let's just play Five Card Draw." Toad said, his British accent catching everyone's ears. They all turned to look at him incredulously.
"What century do you live in, Toad? That game is so 1900's. C'mon, Omaha is the poker players' poker game."
"I don't like Omaha," Juggernaut said not being able to keep his loud bass below a reasonable decibel level. "It's too hard."
"You would say that." Pyro mumbled under his breath.
"What did you say?" Juggernaut asked giving him a glare.
"I said 'then we won't play that'." Pyro stated matter-of-factly. Juggernauts face contoured into an expression of confusion, unable to figure out if he was lying or not.
"C'mon peoples!" Spyke shouted. "These cards aren't going to play themselves!" The room erupted in a myriad of voices, each shouting to be heard. The uproar soon turned from "what should we play?" to "I know where you can put it". The commotion would have continued had Magneto's booming voice over the intercom not interrupted their squabble.
"Callisto, would you please come to my office." Magneto said commandingly. It was not a question. All eyes turned to Callisto.
"Ooooooooooooooooohhh!" The others looked at her, wide-eyed in nervous giggles.
"Dammit, you guys. I'm not in trouble."
"Maybe he and Mystique are looking for a third for a ménage trios." Multiple Man snickered in delight. The other boys joined him in their own juvenile chuckles.
"Gawd, you guys can be so immature."
"Hey, while you're up there, tell him to raise the bridge to the dungeon." Archlight said.
"Why?"
"We want to go swimming. I made a bet that Multiple Man couldn't dive off the bridge into the water and live to tell about it." Multiple Man gave her a gleaming smile. Callisto rolled her eyes and in a flash she was gone.
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Meanwhile, in the monumental metallic office of the Master of Magnetism, Mystique was busy making more moves on Magneto. He sat at his desk, busily typing on his computer while she lazily ran her fingers through his hair, nudged his neck with her nose or draped her arms along his shoulders. He was wearing that crimson shirt again. She loved that red shirt so much that she could never keep her hands off him when he wore it. A knock at the door caused Magneto to stop typing but Mystique continued her affectionate touches. He lightly tapped her hands and she dejectedly pulled them away from him with a small pout. With a wave of his hand the door opened and Callisto was standing in front of his desk even before he had opened it half way.
"Damn, Callisto! You can't walk normally for once? That creeps me out." He said giving her an annoyed look.
"Sorry. What was it you'd like to see me about?" Callisto was trying not to look at Mystique who always stood behind Magneto with her arm draped on his chair every time Callisto had ever been in his office. The blue skin surprisingly didn't bother her but the piercing yellow eyes freaked her out.
"Yes, I have an assignment for you. Mystique and I will be leaving shortly for a few days and I feel that the lair would be best left in your charge."
"Leaving? Where are you going?" Magneto glanced up at Mystique who gave him a knowing smile.
"Just to Dubai. There's something we need to do down there." He said as though she were missing the joke. Callisto didn't even want to know what they would be doing in an exotic location in the Middle East by themselves. "We'll be leaving Thursday so I would suggest you inform the others." Callisto nodded her head, and in a flash she was gone. No sooner had Magneto closed the door when Mystique pushed him back in his chair and straddled his lap.
"I love it when you tell people what to do." She said, her bright teeth a fluorescent white against her blue skin. He laughed and pulled her in for a noon time make out session.
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After leaving Magneto's office, Callisto was back in the commons room in 1.873 seconds.
"Hey, fools! I'm the boss of you all!" No one looked at her, not even in apathy, but continued to play their game of Go Fish.
"Did you ask him about the bridge?" Archlight asked. Callisto paused.
"Dammit!" And in a flash she was gone.
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Magneto and Mystique were necking like teenagers when Callisto came breezing through the door.
"I forgot. Would you mind raising th…holy sshhhh…! Mystique scrambled off Magneto's lap as Magneto sat up straight in his chair and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Callisto had never been so shocked in her life. I mean, what the hell? She had just left the office less than ten seconds ago. "Whoa! Never mind!" Callisto was 0.0546 seconds away from leaving when Magneto spoke.
"What is it, Callisto?" He asked quickly through pants, his breathing still heavy.
"Archlight needs the bridge to the dungeon raised." Magneto lifted his brow in puzzlement but didn't ask questions. He could see the bridge from his office and he raised it from his position in his chair. "Thanks!" Callisto said quickly before disappearing out the door, obviously in too much a state of shock to stick around or act nonchalantly. It was then that both Magneto and Mystique noticed the dark clouds billowing towards the island only a few miles away.
"I thought today was supposed to be a sunny, clear day." Magneto stated with confusion.
"That's what the weather channel had said." Mystique replied. They looked at each other, both sensing an ill wind that blows no good.
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Author's note: As you noticed every character maintains a hint of their personalities but for the most part I was just trying to get the story to move along since I don't plan on writing in great detail nor do I want to take the time to make sense. I'm too lazy for that. If you decide that placing a rude review is necessary, please make it eloquent so that it's harder to slander you in the next chapter.
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Next Chapter: Storm and Sabertooth battle off. Callisto and Jean Gray battle off. Iceman and Pyro battle off. Rogue watches in disgust and (for those tweeny fangirls) Angel is shirtless.
