Title: One Day at Magneto's…
Verse: X-Men movieverse
Timeline: none
Author: KumaDaPuma
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and I am not making any money off of this.
Summary: Although unlikely, what if the X-Men decided to attack Magneto's island fortress? Powers are abused, feelings get hurt, chaos ensues. Will your favorite character win? Most likely not.
Warning! This story contains extreme nonsense and prejudice. No character is safe from the negative remarks of the author. All are treated equally…as bad.
BTW, every movie verse mutant is in this one although most of them are completely out of character. I don't care that anyone's dead and shouldn't be in this fic, I just wanted to collect all the characters and make them fight.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
As the X-Jet neared the distant island the tension inside the cabin grew visibly anxious. Kitty and Colossus tapped their feet incessantly. Bobby and Rogue kept glancing at each other, giving nervous smiles and then looking to the floor. Angel's face was a mask of trepidation, his wings quivered, his naked skin was covered in goose bumps. Logan was asleep.
Under the cover of Storm's clouds the jet flew low to the water.
"You know," Beast started, "The forecast was to be a very bright and sunny day. I'm sure the clouds are just signaling our presence." Storm didn't even turn to look at him.
"C'mon, Henry. My powers are almost useless. Just humor me in this one moment." Beast shrugged and tried one more time to button his jacket but the long years and development of his aging physique would not allow such a constriction to occur.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Meanwhile, back in the metallic lair, the Brotherhood was just finishing up their game of Old Maid when Magneto's voice boomed over the intercom.
"Everybody get ready. We have a few visitors." They all looked at each other in puzzlement.
"Visitors? Who do you think it is?" Juggernaut said.
"I hope it's some hot bitches." Pyro replied excitedly.
"I hope it's your mom." Sabertooth growled. Pyro scowled but shrank away when Sabertooth gave him a sharp toothed grin.
"Dumbasses." Callisto said gathering the cards and placing them back in their box. "It's most likely trouble. Start preparing for battle, fools." Ever since Magneto had deemed Callisto den mother only half an hour ago she had referred to the collective group as "fools" no less than seven times. Everyone rolled their eyes at her obvious ego trip.
"Ya know, fool," Toad stressed the last word. "Mystique still outranks you. Don't think you're anyone special."
"Don't be gettin' up in my binezz!" She shouted.
"Don't be hatin'!" Toad yelled back.
"Whoa! Whoa!" Multiple Man tried to calm them down. He made three copies of himself and restrained them both. "Let's dispense with the ghetto nonsense. It's annoying."
"Yeah, we have to get ready for a fight!" Pyro jumped to his feet enthusiastically. He raised his arm in the air and waved it around. "Battle stations!" He cried out. They all stood around giving him an odd look. Pyro shrank back again awkwardly. When they all made sure Pyro felt good and stupid they shuffled out of the room shaking their heads.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The X-Jet landed on the island. The X-Men, all uniformed except for Angel, came scurrying out of the plane and as soon as their feet touched land they all split up in improper battle technique.
"I'll just stay here then!" The forgotten Professor X shouted back at them still strapped tightly to the seat.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Battle 1: Storm vs. Sabertooth
Storm found herself wandering alone around the cliffs of the island. She heard loud footsteps approaching and she turned to see Sabertooth round a rock. Upon seeing her he grinned his canine smile.
"Well, well, if it isn't thunder thighs." He said.
"What! My legs are not fat!" She put her fists on her hips trying to stress her offense to his statement.
"I didn't say they looked bad." He was already in a fighting stance. She bent low ready for his strike. It came sudden. He ran forward and raced towards her at an alarming cat like speed. Luckily, Storm had retained her catlike prowess from training with the choreographer from the movie bomb Catwoman. She dodged him and as he passed, too fast to stop himself, she stuck her foot out and he went sprawling forward. He landed spread eagle in the dirt thirty feet away and slid another twenty feet till his body came to a full and complete stop. He got up, brushed himself off, turned to face her and then gave her a loud and piercing roar somewhat as a demonstration of his anger but mostly just to show off. She crossed her arms and gave him a dumb look.
"You think I'm impressed? My grandma's bitching is scarier than you." Sabertooth charged again but this time he took a more cautious approach. As she went to dodge him she had to turn swiftly and in doing so her cape flew up and he grabbed it. She felt herself yanked back as he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight. He turned her to face him and noticed her eyes were currently a cloudy white that made her look possessed.
"What're you doin'?" He snarled in her face. Her eyes got even cloudier. The sky above was darkening. He heard thunder. One, two, three…He held her tight and looked around. Four. Five, six…He saw a cave to the left about a hundred feet away. Dragging her with him he headed towards it. Seven, eight, nine…He could see the cave's entrance, he was so close…
KABOOM!
Sabertooth felt a blinding pain shoot through his nerves as the shock of the lightening hitting him raced through his body. He had the sense to drop her on her head as he let her go.
"OW!" He yelled holding his head.
"OW!" She yelled holding her head. They both stumbled around painfully wishing the blinding headaches would just dissipate before the other's did. Sabertooth could still feel a horrible heat resonating from the top of his skull. He patted the fire out. Storm looked up at him and noticed the white smoke puffing up from Sabertooth's head. She also noticed the patch of blackened fur surrounding the now bald part of his crown. She began to laugh hysterically.
"A-hahahaha!" She held her stomach and pointed mockingly at him. "I turned you into a Hairless Mexican cat!" He gave her a death glare and then before she knew it he had pounced on her and grabbed her by the neck. She struggled to wrestle out of his grasp but he had a vice grip. She began to summon her energy again. He noticed her eyes get that cloudy, filmy, disgusting look again. He heard the thunder. One, two, three…He dragged her to the entrance to the cave. Four, five…
"Good thing your powers take so damned long to summon, Stormy." He said disdainfully. He pushed her back to the wall. She felt her feet come off the floor as he held her by the neck. He came close to her. She could smell the kitty litter on his breath. "You still owe me that scream…" he growled in her ear.
"How about a rain check." Sabertooth saw lights, stars, his mom and his life flash before his eyes…you name it and he saw it as Storm connected her boot hard into his nads. His grip immediately went limp and she fell the two feet down to the floor. His hands went instinctively to his groin and he began to wail in pain. His high piercing cat like cries sounded just like the cries of the baby orphan jungle cats the people of Storms African tribe would find sporadically. It was rather pathetic. As he mewed and rolled around on the floor holding himself she found this the best time to escape. She didn't want to keep fighting Sabertooth. He was big and mean and she wanted to find some other opponent that wouldn't be too difficult to defeat. Maybe that Spyke guy was around…
Winner: Storm – But just by a hair. (A cat's hair, you knew that was coming)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Battle 2: Callisto vs. Jean Gray
Jean Gray was meandering the halls of the lair. She was aimlessly walking when she was suddenly knocked off her feet and landed onto the ground.
"What the hell?" She said getting up. As she stood up she was knocked back down by some unseen force. "Oh, c'mon! Who's doing that?" She shouted as she got up again. There was laughter behind her and she turned to see who it was. A chick clad in leather came striding towards her. Her body was marked by tattoos, and not very good ones.
"What's the matter? Too stupid to keep your balance?"
"Was that the best you could come up with?" Her remark garnered Jean another trip to the floor. "Stop that! God, that's annoying!" She said picking herself back up again.
"Damn, your dumb."
"Bullshit. I've got a Ph.D. What do you have?" Callisto gave her a mean glare and tensed for battle.
"I'm an R.A.K!" Jean returned a puzzled expression.
"All right, I'll bite. What's an R.A.K.?"
"Registered Ass Kicker, Bitch!" In a flash Jean saw her disappear. She knew to be on her guard but 0.789 seconds after she saw her disappear she was on the floor again.
"Dammit! You are so irritating!" Jean cried out. She summoned all her powers and like a magnet, anything that could be brought to her came. The only problem is that there aren't a whole lot of things in a hallway…except a lot of doors. The doors broke off their hinges and Jean caused them to rapidly surround her in a giant shield. There was a loud THUMP as Callisto rammed right into one.
"OW!" Callisto shouted holding her nose. Callisto got up and this time intentionally rammed into one of the doors with her shoulder. The force of the impact knocked the door into Jean who collided into the door behind her and she went stumbling to the floor along with her makeshift shield.
"Damn, you suck!" Jean said getting up and brushing herself off. It was then she saw her left hand. She held it up to her face to get a better look. Her eyes went wide in anger and alarm. "Oh my god! You broke my effin nail, bitch!" The wrath of Jean's power caused the doors to come alive again but this time Jean made them soar around her in a tornado shelter. The doors began to circle faster and faster around Jean until they looked like wooden blurs hovering around her. With her arms out Jean caused one of the doors to swing out towards Callisto who dodged it but found that it was searching her out, looking to knock her silly. As the door followed her, Callisto ran as close to Jean's tornado of wood. With as much force as Jean could muster she hurtled the door at Callisto. The leather clad chick dodged the door…and it flew full force into Jean's defense twister. The wooden collision smacked into Jean making her and the other doors all fall to the floor with a thunderous crash. Jean lay sprawled out unconscious. Callisto clapped her hands together, wiping the dirt from off her skin. Easy…
Winner: Callisto – Let's all remember she beat boring Jean Gray, not the omnipotent Phoenix.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Battle 3: Pyro vs. Iceman
Rogue and Bobby traveled all the way up to the north side of the lair where the cavern that had once housed Magneto's infernal machine was. Rogue recognized the place from Magneto's memories.
"Ah don't like this place, Bobby." She said taking his arm and clutching him closely.
"Aw, don't worry, Rogue. I'll protect you." He said giving her a smile.
"Why don't you let a real man protect you, Rogue?" Pyro's voice was heard first before he was seen coming out of the shadows.
"Why don't you cool your jets, John!" Bobby said pushing Rogue behind him. "Or I can cool them for you!" Bobby emphasized "cool" quite dramatically.
"What's the matter Bobby? Can't stand the heat?" Pyro put emphasis on his own token words.
"Oh, I'm as cool as ice. It's you that needs a little simmering down!"
"Simmer down? Things are about to get fired up!" Rogue rolled her eyes.
"Fer gawd's sake, you two! Just fight all ready, will ya?" Pyro didn't need an invitation. He fired up his lighter and shot a fireball straight at Bobby who just barely had time to extinguish it with his ice blast.
"Hot enough for ya?" Pyro sneered.
"Dispense with the crackpots, huh, tard!" Iceman shouted as he shot a stream of ice at Pyro. Pyro quickly shot off a torrent of fire, counter acting with Bobby's ice. With the combined mix of the blaze and ice steam began to accumulate and rise out of the meeting of their powers. Soon the whole cavern was enveloped in a thick fog.
"(Cough) Rogue! (cough) Make him stop!"
"Ah cain't see 'im! Ah cain't see nuthin'!" She shouted trying to make out the glow of Pyro's flame. The air was too thick.
"Just quit, Bobby!" Pyro shouted over the noise of the flame and ice. "I'm like a sore peter!"
"A sore peter?" Bobby shouted more rhetorically than inquisitively.
"Yeah!" Pyro kept shouting as he walked forward blasting his stream of fire. "I just can't be beat." Bobby suddenly saw Pyro right in front of him. He grabbed his hands and the fire and ice stopped. Pyro yanked his hands out of Bobby's grip then stretched his fisted arm back. Bobby pulled his own arm back and in a hard lunge he swung at Pyro…at the exact time Pyro swung. Their fists connected to the other's chin and they both went down in a tangled web of arms and legs. From a few feet away rogue heard the thump as the boys landed on the ground.
"Are you guys all right?" She asked making her way towards them. "What happened?" No one answered her. It took a while for the fog to clear but when it did she saw right away the heap the two boys made as they lay one on top of the other. Rogue shook her head in disdain. She then pulled out her X-Men cell phone and took a picture of them in each other's arms.
Winner: Draw – But if anyone's a winner it's Rogue for capturing the moment.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Final score:
X-Men – 1
Brotherhood – 1
Draws – 1
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Author's note: This story doesn't make a lick of sense, I'm well aware of that. But just think of this as a mutant Celebrity Deathmatch. Would someone mind reviewing and letting me know whether this story is good, good enough, or blows? Please no flames as I am just trying to create a silly work of fiction.
Next Chapter: Toad and Beast battle off. Multiple Man and Cyclops battle off. Spyke and Kitty battle off. Wolverine and Magneto…well, they cross paths but I wouldn't really call it a battle.
