Title: One Day at Magneto's…
Verse: X-Men movieverse
Timeline: none
Author: KumaDaPuma
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and I am not making any money off of this.
Summary: Although unlikely, what if the X-Men decided to attack Magneto's island fortress? Powers are abused, feelings get hurt, chaos ensues. Will your favorite character win? Most likely not.
Warning! This story contains extreme nonsense and prejudice. No character is safe from the negative remarks of the author. All are treated equally…as bad.
BTW, every movie verse mutant is in this one although most of them are completely out of character. I don't care that anyone's dead and shouldn't be in this fic, I just wanted to collect all the characters and make them fight.
Double Warning! Also, this chapter turned out extremely cheesy and ludicrously biased. I frickin love Magneto and this chapter proves it. The end of this fic turns into a mush story. It just kind of made itself that way.
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Let's recap.
The ultimate catfight brought on an excess of slandering and an overabundance of serious kick ass brutality. No one came out of that one unscathed although Mystique was declared the victor. The one true person who could be labeled a cat in this catfight was Shadowcat. Funny, she came in last place. But Storm (who played Catwoman in another movie) came in third. She was so close! Oh well, there will probably be a next time.
And now Professor Xavier has finally made his entrance. He looks pretty schnazzy in his three piece suit but there's a glint in his eye, like he's got something on his mind. Hmmm…wonder what it could be?
But, hey…was invading the island worth the X-Men's time?
Final Score:
X-Men – 6
Brotherhood – 7
Draws – 2
Nope. It sure wasn't. Or was it…?
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Professor Xavier looked on the group before him. Rogue was up and about with the aid of Wolverine's healing capabilities. Jean had been revived by Scott's kiss of life. Callisto was always fast to recover from anything. Archlight hadn't been hurt too badly but just enough to leave her dazed for a while. Storm only had to be taken outside where the weather renewed her strength. And Kitty…well, she had suddenly recovered all her own. It was suspected she had faked unconsciousness in order to get out of the catfight. Go figure.
As for the men, some of them looked a little injured. Juggernaut looked the worse out of all of them but he was one to admire his wounds and he only held his head up higher in pride. Beast, Nightcrawler, Multiple Man, Pyro, Iceman, Wolverine, Colossus, Sabertooth, Quill and Toad had a few bruises or a black eye but for the most part they were just fine. Cyclops was also all right although he was still wearing Jeans long coat which showed off his sexy legs and made him look hilariously feminine. Scott kept catching Jaime staring at his shapely calves.
"My, Erik, it looks as though we find ourselves in quite a predicament."
"Yes, Charles, but I would be more apt to believe your actions put us here." Charles laughed and shook his head. Despite the circumstances Erik was obviously glad to see his old friend and he gave him a bright grin. Mystique immediately felt worried, an empty feeling in the pit of her stomach began to grow.
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Magneto, ever the proper host, led his minions and his guests into the part of the fortress that survived the X-Men's invasion. The large drawing room was actually the last room in the main hall where the refectory was but it had been left untouched by Scott and Multiple Man's crazy encounter that had occurred only two hours earlier.
"Make yourselves comfortable. Callisto, please retrieve a few bottles of the pinot noir." Before she could zoom off Magneto whispered in her ear. "The cheap ones." She gave him a nod and a knowing look then sped away only to come back with four bottles in her arms 3.576 seconds later.
Even though the drawing room was vast it still didn't seem big enough to hold the two rivaling parties. There was a moment of awkwardness as everyone tried to relax. Letting their guards down was the hardest part. The Brotherhood, being more comfortable in their own home, sat themselves on the left side of the room and started to display the usual informalities. It took the X-Men more time (and mental coaxing from the Professor) to reciprocate. The only sound was the shuffling of feet as the X-Men and the Brotherhood silently watched each other as they sat on their respective sides of the room.
"Jaime, please see to our guests." Magneto said. Jaime made three copies of himself then began to pour the four bottles of wine into empty wine glasses and then distribute them. Pyro eagerly took the glass Jaime gave him.
"No, Pyro, pass that over to Archlight. I'm afraid the wine will not be made available to you."
"Why? You've let me drink wine before."
"Yes, but you are in the presence of Rogue and Iceman who, undoubtedly, Charles will not allow the same pleasure. Be considerate and sit this one out." Pyro made a pouting face and gave the glass to Archlight beside him who looked like she needed some alcohol right about now.
"Now then, has everyone made themselves comfortable?" They all looked at each other. Clearly none of them were comfortable at all. Magneto apparently didn't notice. "Good! Let's begin by emptying our pockets." All the X-Men looked at Magneto wide eyed then looked at each other in confusion. They then looked to Xavier for help.
"There will be no need of that, Erik." Charles said. All the X-Men let out a sigh of relief. "It was Kurt." Again, the X-Men went wide eyed in surprise and everyone in the room turned their heads to look at Kurt in curiosity. The blue mutant ducked his head and looked everywhere around the room, trying to avoid eye contact. "Kurt, I believe you have something that belongs to my old friend here." Kurt felt extremely sheepish, not to mention highly embarrassed. He looked at Magneto who was giving him a give-it-back-or-deal-with-my-wrath glare. Rather than walking over to him he poofed out only to poof back in right next to Magneto.
"I am sorry. I did not mean to take it." Nightcrawler said in his heavy accent, holding the thick book out to him. Magneto wanted to point out that if he didn't mean to take it then how did it end up in his possession? Instead he merely took his book from Nightcrawler's hand, feeling the horror that he had lost it forever subside.
"Apology accepted. Who helped create that monstrous catastrophe?" Kurt pointed at Archlight.
"It vas her." Archlight was in mid sip when she was accused. She feigned surprise.
"What? Did what?" Magneto looked to Charles who nodded his head, then he looked back to Archlight.
"You forget you are in the presence of a telepath. Now both of you go clean up my library." Both of their faces dropped. They had the same simultaneous thought. That'll take all day. Charles silently laughed to himself. Kurt went over to Archlight who looked at him with horror when he wrapped his arms around her and then they disappeared in a cloud of blue smoke.
"Don't tell me you're gonna make us fix those holes down in the arena next, are ya?" Wolverine stated mockingly. Magneto snorted.
"Need I remind you I can easily fix everything you damaged down in the arena personally. However, dinner will not make itself. Because of your disruptive behaviors, you, Colossus and Juggernaut will head down to the kitchen and begin preparations."
"You're gonna make us do women's work? That bucket must be a tight fit on yer head." Magneto gave Wolverine a degrading look.
"Wolverine, it would probably be best if you didn't argue with me."
"Uh, boss, I don't cook so good…" Juggernaut started to say.
"Please, Cain, I saw you work the grill expertly on the fourth of July. Surely you could do something along those lines." Magneto's praise made Juggernaut beam underneath that large, ridiculous helmet.
"Still, I'm not going to be punished for something this lugnut did on his own. I didn't make the holes, bub." Wolverine said stressing his pronouns.
"I don't mind cooking. I make a mean potato salad." Colossus said. Wolverine rolled his eyes at Colossus.
"Well, yer going to have to make me do it!" Everyone but the Professor and Magneto stepped back with alarm as Wolverine's metal claws came shooting out of his knuckles. Magneto shook his head.
"When will you ever learn?" He lifted his hand, more as an illustration, as he lifted Logan with his magnetic power. "Colossus, please take this pussycat into the kitchen. Juggernaut will lead the way. And do not forget, Wolverine, that your adamantium is like a giant tracking system for my unique senses. I know where you are at all times." With that Magneto clenched his fist and Wolverine balled up, looking like a fetus in the womb. Magneto set Wolverine down on the ground and Colossus rolled Logan out of the room towards the kitchen. Secretly Colossus was glad because even though he was very strong the adamantium on Wolverine's bones weighed a ton and Colossus didn't want to have had to carry him.
"Now then…" Magneto turned his attention back to the group. With the exception of the Professor they all snapped their heads back at Magneto in fear that he would assign them to an arduous chore next. "Who's up for a game of Scrabble?"
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While Wolverine, Colossus and Juggernaut yelled at each other about who would get to lick the remnants of the cake mix bowl, Archlight and Nightcrawler were actually making progress in Magneto's library. They told Callisto that they would put in a lot of good words for her with Magneto if she would just help them piece together most of the books. Callisto's quick speed and Nightcrawler's ability to put the books in their proper places on the shelves made the daunting task much more expedient. Unfortunately Archlight had no real contribution of her own. They made her alphabetize the books before Nightcrawler shelved them. However, Archlight wasn't a very good reader…
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The three metal men really didn't know all that much about cooking so they were taking a while although Logan found that his claws came in quite handy when handling hot items. The others had to figure out a way to pass the time…
Game 1: Charades – The X-Men vs. The Brotherhood
Since a few of their team members were out, the X-Men and the Brotherhood had to make do with the people they had left. On the X-Men team was Professor X, Storm, Jean, Scott, Bobby, Rogue, Hank, Angel and Kitty. The Brotherhood had only Magneto, Mystique, Multiple Man, Quill, Pyro, Toad, and Sabertooth. The game only lasted twenty minutes before the Brotherhood gave up. The X-Men have two telepaths. How was that fair?
Winner: The X-Men
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Game 2: Clue – Mystique vs. Beast vs. Pyro vs. Scott
Professor X and Jean were barred from this game. Scott seemed to have problems understanding how to play. Mystique didn't pay attention unless it was her turn and she often bugged the other three about how much time they were taking. Pyro just wouldn't take it seriously.
"I know who it was." Pyro stated the very first time it was his turn. They all shot him skeptical looks. "It was Nightcrawler, in the library, with the Kama Sutra book." Shaking of heads and mumbles of "idiocy" and "moron" could barely be heard over the roar of the intense game of Outburst across the room. In the end it was Beasts ludicrously accurate deduction skills that rewarded him first place.
Winner: Beast
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Game 3: Outburst – Storm, Rogue, Bobby, Angel, Kitty vs. Magneto, Toad, Sabertooth, Jamie, Quill
Again, Professor X and Jean were barred from this game giving the Brotherhood a huge advantage. Magneto's age and education made him an indomitable force to contend with but Storm and the kids were able to hold their own by drawing lists entitled: "Planets of the Solar System" and "Disney Characters" and also "Ten bathroom words for children."
"Poop!"
"Number two!"
"Ca-ca!"
"Brownies!"
"Shit!"
"I highly doubt parents would condone, much less teach their children to use the phrase 'shit' in replacement of a bathroom word, Kitty." Magneto said clicking the score tab for Storm's "Number two." Everyone looked at each other and snickered upon hearing Magneto utter the "s" word.
While Magneto would state his answers the rest tended to yell them out five or six times consecutively. In the end Magneto brought his team to victory, but at the expense of a developing headache.
Winner: The Brotherhood
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Game 4: Trivial Pursuit –
Bobby, Rogue, Angel and Kitty
Vs.
Professor X
Vs.
Scott and Jean
Vs.
Magneto and Mystique
Vs.
Jamie, Toad and Quill
Vs.
Beast and Storm
The game of trivial pursuit proved to be an intense one. Professor X and Jean promised not to use telepathy because they were bored of watching the others play. Some of them formed teams because they figured their combined intelligence would equal that of the Professor's but Charles had been around for a while and he did live in a school. Magneto was equally as smart as Charles but he and Mystique paired up because she insisted. It wasn't until he felt her massaging his thigh under the table that he realized why she wanted to sit so close to him.
Bobby, Rogue, Angel and Kitty needed all the help they could get. Throughout the game they never got a question correct. It was clear the match settled on the knowledge of The Professor, Magneto and Beast as they went around the board gathering pieces for their pies. They sweeped the board when it came to subjects like: People and Places, Arts and Literature, Science and Nature, and History. It was the Pop Culture and Sports and Leisure categories that were killing them. Luckily Beast had Storm to answer the Pop Culture questions and Mystique was surprisingly well versed in sports. Poor Professor X had a problem since he had no other help to lean to. Finally it was a question regarding the only "sport" Beast knew that led him and Storm to victory. Thank god for questions about women's figure skating.
Winner: Beast and Storm
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Game 5: Dance Dance Revolution
Luckily there was a huge plasma television set on the wall at the far end of the room. Pyro grabbed the Playstation 2 and a few dance pads from the commons room and set it up so that everyone could showcase their moves. This was one game The Professor and Magneto sat out but everyone else including Jean and Beast wanted to get into. The kids were more apt at this Playstation game as two people squared off, the winner getting to stay and contend against another player who got to choose the song coming in. Rogue was noticeably the best at this game although Toad was much faster and coordinated than anyone had realized. The two often found themselves at odds as their levels of play increased.
"What's going on here? A DDR party?" Callisto said coming in from finishing her chores. Nightcrawler poofed back in immediately but Archlight had to walk and she grumbled to herself the entire way back to the drawing room, which took her a good ten minutes seeing as the library was all the way on the east side of the fortress.
Nightcrawler was quite good at the game as well although Callisto cleaned up the floor. Her speed was the ultimate asset for DDR and she kicked Rogue and Toad's ass from here to Taiwan. It wasn't until Rogue noticed that the slower songs threw off Callisto's groove allowing her a handicap to play with. Still, Callisto soon found her rhythm making her a solid player and the Ultimate Dance Dance Revolution player.
Winner: Callisto
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Wolverine stepped into the drawing room covered in flour, eggs and sugar. Once he came upon the dancing fiends he shook his head and was actually glad he was forced to cook dinner.
"Ya wanna eat or what?" He said before returning to the kitchen. Everyone followed him eagerly as they just now noticed they were starving. When they entered the refectory they noticed that there was a buffet set up on the tables on the left side of the room. It was filled with the only thing the three men knew how to make. Hamburger patties and hotdogs lined the table along with buns, condiments and garnishes and everyone practically ran to it pushing others out of the way to get there first. Before anyone had a chance to dive in they all stopped what they were doing then turned to look at The Professor and Magneto (with Mystique on his arm) as they strode into the room.
"Why, thank you Charles." Magneto said as he led Mystique to the front of the line. "Finally you use your powers for good."
"Sometimes I believe it is too late for our young friends to learn any manners, Erik." Charles said wheeling himself behind them as he kept his mental hold on everyone in the room. Once the senior members took their fill Charles released them all and they dived into the food, bickering and fighting.
"Damn, Logan! These burgers are good!" Bobby said chowing down.
"Thanks, Iceboy. I found that these came in handy for grilling." Wolverine drew out his claws with a loud SKINT that made everyone beside him jump. "Calm down! I'm not gonna fight ya!" He yelled at the Brotherhood across the table.
Magneto allowed a few more bottles of wine to be opened (eight to be exact although he didn't know it) and there was much drinking and rejoicing. Kitty made herself useful by phasing into the wine cellar and taking a cheap red wine and then bringing it back to the kids table which consisted of Bobby, Rogue, Pyro and Angel. The five drank the entire bottle and between the five of them they all actually managed to get buzzed. None of them had a very high tolerance for alcohol. But it was Quill's shenanigans that made the night come alive. Quill happened to know where Sabertooth often stashed a few expensive bottles of bourbon. He grabbed a few and "spiked" the punch, ensuring a delightful evening to come. Everyone noticed the punch tasted a little strange but none of them really heeded any warning signs. Everyone went from buzzed to hammered in a matter of minutes.
As for the leaders, Charles, Erik and Mystique did not partake of the wine but instead shared their own expensive bottle of cabernet sauvignon. They toasted to each other (well, Charles and Mystique toasted to Erik and he toasted to them both in turn) and the rest drank up the cheap merlot on top of the punch.
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The wine had been a bad idea. Hell, the bourbon was probably worse. The X-Men decided to digest the food before leaving and they all retired back into the large drawing room where Professor Xavier was witness to the entire nights events.
With the exception of the three senior members, the wine had made everyone a little loopy and the punch had sealed everyone's drunken fate. Most of them had lost their inhibitions. All of them wound up doing something they may regret later on down the road.
Charles noticed that it had all started with the Juggernaut. Someone had informed Mystique of Juggernaut's infatuation with her and she had made it a point to not only avoid him all night but to display a little more PDA towards Magneto much to Charles' chagrin. Also the fact she felt threatened by Charles' presence made her want to "claim" her man publicly. Every time Charles made an attempt to ask Erik for a private discussion Mystique was there at his side holding his arm and giving Charles an I-dare-you look.
Juggernaut, drunk and jealous as hell, decided that if he was to win Mystique's heart he would have to do it through song. He wheeled in the karaoke machine from the commons room and hooked it up. No one had noticed until the music began to play and Juggernaut began to sing but then everyone stopped what they were doing and watched him start singing to Mystique to the lyrics of "Total Eclipse of the Heart".
Charles could feel Erik's body tense up beside him. Magneto was enraged. Mystique felt Erik's wrath and she calmed him down by stroking his arm and whispering sweet nothings in his ear.
Juggernaut sang at the top of his lungs…very badly. Everyone covered their ears as he continued with his song, never taking his eyes away from Mystique. At the end of his song he actually shed a tear. Mystique stood up and walked over to Juggernaut. Juggernaut had a look of fanatical hope on his dumb face. She took the microphone from his hand, punched a few buttons into the karaoke machine and started to move her blue body to the music.
"Sit down Jugs and I'll show you how to really fuck sing to someone." Mystique had a pretty voice and could carry a tune although she wasn't exactly American Idol material. She was a whole hell of a lot better than Juggernaut. As she sang "Do That to Me One More Time" her focus was on Erik. She danced seductively towards him, his eyes glued to her in astonishment as she practically danced in his lap in front of everyone. Normally Magneto's respectability would never have allowed this to happen but he didn't stop it for three reasons: 1) Erik was arrogant. The fact that Mystique and Charles were fighting over him brought his ego to a new high. 2) Erik loved it when people were jealous of him. Charles, Juggernaut and all the boys were seething with it. 3) Erik had a metal tent in his pants. There was practically no hiding it but Mystique did a good job of shielding it from everyone's view as she danced in front of him.
Once the song ended Mystique gave Erik a smile and handed the microphone off to Rogue who eagerly snatched it from her hand. Magneto watched Mystique head towards the door at the far end of the room towards the main hall. She gave him her "come hither" looks and as soon as he figured no one would see him leave, Magneto followed her.
The Professor obviously saw Erik and Mystique leave and although his heart sank in his chest he had the decency to watch out for all the other mutants in the room. Rogue was singing the song "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls, tears streaming down her face as she drunkenly wailed out the appropriate words. Professor X reminded himself to have a talk with her and the other kids about the hazards of drinking tomorrow when they were all returned to the school. The mutants all clapped for her and she passed the microphone to Storm who began her rendition of "I Don't Care if the Sun Don't Shine" originally sung by Billy Holiday.
Xavier didn't realize it until he felt Scott return to the room that Cyclops had even been gone. There was an odd glow about him. Xavier looked over to Jean. She saw it too, and she did not look happy. Reading his thoughts, Xavier was not too surprised to see Jaime enter the room soon after Scott.
Beast was the next one to show off his vocal talents…and the mutant had crazy great talent. Everyone in the room got to their feet and began dancing to Beasts amazing rendition of "New York." His smooth lounge voice rivaled that of Frank Sinatra's and his stage presence was masterful. Magneto (with hair disheveled and looking mellow) and Mystique happened to come in during his performance and they instantly joined in crooning with the group although they still took their seats next to the Professor. Once the song was over Beast received a standing ovation.
Archlight and Quill decided they wanted to do a duet. As they sang "I Got You Babe" the crowd could tell they were getting just a little too into it. Xavier noted that Kurt and Callisto were no where to be found. On stage Archlight and Quill would sing their parts and stare into each others eyes, making the crowd feel awkward. Obviously it was the alcohol that had rendered these two to fall down to this level as they got closer and closer to each other. Finally, after what felt like an uncomfortable hour, the song ended and Quill and Archlight embraced in a desperate, drunken liplock.
Colossus pulled the two apart and told them to get a room as he took the microphone from their hands and told Bobby, Warren and Pyro to come sing with him. Xavier noticed Kurt and Callisto return to the room. They both looked like they had something to hide but Xavier didn't need to read their minds to know where they had been and what they had been up to. The Professor shook his head reminding himself to give the same alcohol talk to the adults as well as the kids tomorrow.
The boys sang "Bye Bye Bye" by NSync and performed the choreography that went with it a little too well despite their drunkenly staggering movements. They couldn't harmonize as well as the original boy band but they sure looked like one up on stage. Rogue and Kitty giggled and pointed to the boys as they made unlady like remarks. When the song ended the two girls cheered wildly while the adults just clapped in indifference. Wolverine booed them. He hated that song.
Xavier saw Rogue and Bobby leave the room. He figured they would not be able to do anything intimate so he just let them wander off. He watched Jamie get up on stage, make three copies of himself for back up singers and begin singing "Build Me Up, Buttercup" all the while his attention on Scott (who was still wearing Jeans coat even though Jamie had brought his uniform back). Xavier looked over to Jean and noticed she was gritting her teeth in anger.
Jean got up next, telekinetically finding the song she wanted to sing, and "I Will Survive" began blaring over the speakers. What was usually a stellar karaoke song was turned into an uncomfortable moment as Jean practically spat out the words into the microphone and towards Scott. As soon as she was done the crowd was silent. She didn't seem to care. She grabbed Wolverine's arm and dragged him out the door just as Rogue and Bobby were entering. Rogue gave them a funny look as they passed but neither of them seemed to notice as Jean was too focused on her revenge and Wolverine was too focused on the make out time he would finally get with her. Xavier shook his head again. Drama seemed to be running rampant today.
For some reason Kurt sang "What the World Needs Now" and although it was a good Burt Bacharach song it really wasn't suited for Nightcrawler's heavy German accent. Plus he couldn't carry a tune to save his life. Callisto smiled as he sang his heart and his dignity away.
Toad and Sabertooth were up next as they hopped around like crazy rappers singing their rendition of "You've Got to Fight (For Your Right to Party)" by the Beastie Boys. Well, actually Toad hopped around and sang the lyrics while Sabertooth stood in the background making ghetto hand gestures and looking like a rapper wannabe with his hand signs. It was while Xavier tried to drown out the sound of the two mutants that he noticed Logan and Jean come back. Jean gave Scott a glance, making sure he was witness to her revenge and Wolverine was looking like he had just died and gone to heaven. He didn't even bother wiping off the lipstick that was smeared all over his face.
Charles suddenly heard something that caught his attention. He looked over to Colossus, Pyro and Angel talking to Kitty. Rather she was talking and they were all listening to what she had to say. Xavier, who could hear everything they were saying, was livid. Kitty was one of those girls that was a happy drunk. A little too happy if you know what I mean. She made inappropriate comments to all the boys and they listened and made a few back. They obviously thought they were being romantic in a way when they were really just making inebriated lewd comments. Xavier wanted to make sure they knew what happened to sexually promiscuous people. He mentally began to manipulate their fragile, stupid minds. He started them off slow, making the itch light and he tried hard not to laugh as he noticed all four of them start squirming in their seats like they had hemorrhoids. Soon he made it so that the itching in their nether regions was becoming more severe. He smiled as he saw them all cross their legs and their faces turn red in irritation. He put on the hurt by making them feel burning sensations in the worst possible areas. Pyro was the first to jump up in alarm.
"I'm on fire!" He said thinking it was his mutation that was causing the burning. The other three looked at each other, all now realizing they were under the same horrible condition. They looked away in shame as Pyro went to Bobby begging him to follow him to the bathroom and put out the fire. Bobby shook his head in alarm. He really didn't want to do that.
"Charles, really." Xavier heard Erik say next to him, his eye brow raised in question. "Is that really necessary?"
"Erik, if I didn't think it was I wouldn't be doing it." He smiled at him and Erik laughed. "I'm surprised you would not condone an act as devious as this."
"On the contrary, I very much approve of your use of mental punishment for whatever it was you caught them doing." Charles laughed realizing Erik never heard any of the kids' conversation. The two men found themselves very amused by the other. Mystique circled her arm around Erik's a little tighter. Erik brought out a bottle of port and poured all three of them a glass.
"To good teachers like us and to cruel lessons like that!" Erik said raising his glass.
"Hear, hear." Charles said tapping his glass to Erik's.
The karaoke was winding down. After the rap Sabertooth left the stage (and the room with Storm of all people) Toad stayed up to sing "It Ain't Easy Bein' Green." Callisto and Mystique decided to sing "Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting" and in good faith they invited the other gals to join them in a moment of camaraderie. After that they all realized that neither the Professor nor Magneto had made fools of themselves up on stage yet. Everyone begged them to at least try to sing. After ten minutes and a full bottle of port they finally gave in just so that they could get everybody's drunk asses off their own intoxicated ones.
Now what would two older men with smooth deep baritones sing? Why Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" of course! But instead they opted to sing "Mack the Knife." Like Beast, the two were quite good at lounge songs. Their presence is always notably strong so it would serve them well when it came time to croon their hearts out. Magneto played Dean Martin to Xavier's Frank Sinatra as they led the X-Men and the Brotherhood in a stunning performance of classic jazz and blues. As Magneto sang his lines he would cross the stage behind Charles gracefully and in a smooth dance move. His cape fluttered cleanly to the tune making it even more a spectacle to the roaring, cheering drunks down below. Even Wolverine and Sabertooth, whose quick healing abilities allowed them to recover from the effects of alcohol were applauding loudly to the song and dance routine though they were completely sober. Charles would sing the chorus then swing his microphone, throw it up into the air towards Magneto who would catch it, throw his back to Charles and he would catch the new one and start with the next line of the song without missing a beat. They performed like the original Rat Pack. No one knew they even had it in them but they were good. Surprisingly good. Like they had done this before…
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The night ended well enough. Wolverine (who was sober) and Beast (who was buzzing but not drunk) helped put the passed out bodies into the X-Jet. Storm was also still cognizant so she could at least fly the X-Jet back to New York with no problems although she seemed a little light headed, not from the alcohol but from the intense make out with the burly feline. All the kids were out like lights and even Nightcrawler, Jean and Scott had too much to drink. Scott stumbled into the X-Jet now wearing his X-Man clothes he had finally retrieved back from Jamie although he had obviously dressed himself. His whitie tighties were on the outside of his leather uniform.
"Charles, despite your original intentions to ruin my fortress, you are welcome to stay the night and leave in the morning when everyone is sober again." Erik said. Mystique was still on his arm but the rest of the Brotherhood was either passed out in the drawing room or had gone to bed.
"Thank you Erik, but we should be going. However, there is something I'd like to discuss with you before I leave." Erik smiled.
"Come to my office and we'll discuss it there."
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Warning! This is the cheesiest part and the corniest drama I've ever written! But I'll still stand by it and I'm not ashamed. Continue reading only if you are a hardcore Magneto fan and only if you want to find out why Xavier invaded the Brotherhood's fortress.
They walked the short distance to Magneto's metallic office. Magneto asked Mystique to wait for him in their bedroom. Reluctantly Mystique let go of Magneto's arm but not without a squeeze of his hand and a look towards Xavier filled with distrust. He's mine now. Erik has belonged to me for five years and you can't take that away from me. He gave no indication that he heard her thoughts, but she knew. He had heard.
As soon as she was gone Magneto sat behind his desk facing his old friend, a warm smile on his face. They were both returning to their sober states. They still felt a little buzzed from the alcohol a few hours earlier but for the most part they were at that condition where if they had been asked again, they would have never gotten up on the karaoke stage. From his position in his chair he floated a glass bottle lined with metal from the wet bar across the room on his right towards himself. He held up the container of a one hundred and fifty dollar bottle of old Johnnie Walker Blue Label scotch with an eyebrow raised questioningly.
"Would you like a drink, Charles?"
"Is it as cheap as your wine?" Erik gave him an amused look.
"You know I would never personally offer you anything less than exceptional."
"Thank you, Erik, but no. I won't be staying long."
"Well, then I hope you don't mind if I help myself." Erik said pouring himself only a third of a rocks glass full. He took a swig then noticed Charles giving him a very thoughtful glare. He returned a questioning one. Whatever was on Charles' mind, he wasn't about to volunteer its contents. Once again Magneto wished he had Charles' power.
"It's really not as spectacular as you seem to think it is." Charles said reading his mind.
"Still, at least I wouldn't feel quite so at a loss sometimes. It would have come in handy this afternoon."
"Ah, yes, when Mystique forced Rogue to divulge one of your more personal bedroom secrets. Admittedly it was both your greatest sexual talent and your most aggravating."
"Aggravating? As I recall, you've never cited anything but positive remarks for my abilities."
"Why can't you accept that when one is not in the mood, one is NOT in the mood. Causing an overwhelming desire for you is hardly what I would call moral decency, an act of which you undoubtedly do to Mystique." Erik only smiled broadly, never bothering to hide his guilt of manipulating his current partner's sexual drive.
"She doesn't seem to mind."
"Well, the only thing she minds is me being here."
"Mystique can be a little jealous sometimes. For some reason she thinks you're here to take me away." Erik laughed. "But I told her it was all in her head."
"Is it?" Charles asked. Erik stopped laughing. He took a good hard look at him then cut to the quick.
"Charles, why did you invade my fortress?"
"Perhaps it would be wiser to ask yourself wh-"
"Spare me the philosophy, Charles. Why are you here?"
"I want you back, Erik." Erik felt a lump in his throat. He stared hard at his old friend, trying to figure out if he was serious and trying to understand where this was coming from. "I assure you I am quite serious and it all stems from our time together while you were in prison." Sometimes Erik was glad Charles was a telepath just so he could use as few words as possible. Sometimes he hated that he couldn't hide anything from him. He was aware that Charles knew what he was feeling right now and he hated how that made him vulnerable.
"You know that's impossible, Charles."
"Implausible, yes. Impossible, no." Erik gave him a stern look.
"I broke out of prison over a year ago. Why come to me now?" Charles shrugged his shoulders.
"Perhaps it's the fact that every time I hear your name my heart beats ten times faster. Or when I see Mystique impersonating Senator Kelly on television I am consumed with jealousy. I know we connected again during your time in prison, Erik. I felt it."
"Charles, I was lonely in that prison and I had no idea if Mystique was even alive."
"But still, we connected tonight. Remember how we used to go to the karaoke bar and sing "Mack the Knife" in that little pub off Baker's Street in London? That didn't bring you back to the good times?"
"Charles, that was a long time ago." Erik sighed. "We've grown apart since then."
"Yes, Erik, I realize we've grown apart but I refuse to believe we've ever fallen out of love." Erik had nothing to say to him. They hadn't been together in over fifteen years but Erik was sure that despite their rivalry his love for Charles had never really faltered. Erik was at a loss. He couldn't believe he was even considering it. "I know I'm still in love with you and I know you still love me. For god's sakes Erik, Mystique pretended to be me for you. That doesn't mean anything to you?" There was a pause as Erik tried to sort out his conflicting thoughts. Charles continued. "I promise you Erik, that I will always stand by your side." He pleaded. "We may not always see eye to eye but we've lived long enough that we can pass our leaderships to our followers and live out our lives together without the responsibilities of our positions."
"Charles, I can't believe you're saying this."
"Neither can I Erik, but one day about a month ago I woke up and realized that there was nothing else I wanted in the world than to be back with you. I'd sacrifice everything for that." Erik swallowed hard. There was a long, long pause as he contemplated what this meant. As Charles waited for him to make up his mind Erik finally understood what it was to make a life changing decision. Should he also make that sacrifice? The cause was his life, but lately he had been wondering if he should turn the Brotherhood over to someone else. Sometimes he didn't want his life to only be about terrorizing the humans. He didn't like that he was always being watched by the government or that he was told he was wrong all the time when he was certain he was right. He was tired of the arguing and the fighting and the losing to his former best friend all of the time. Ever since Charles had graced him with his company in prison Erik would find himself realizing he missed Charles very much. Erik didn't know what to do. For a long time, the only sound in the office was the clicks of the steel balls of the Newton's Cradle. The two men stared at each other, contemplating in silence.
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Erik came walking into the bedroom half an hour after she left him with Xavier. She was sitting upright on the king sized four post bed against the lavish pillows, her knees bent up and her magazine laid across her legs. She never gave him a glance but silently read, or rather pretended to read. She hadn't read a word since she opened the publication half an hour ago. He went about his nightly routine, disappearing into the bathroom to brush his teeth and emerging from his closet wearing his dark red pajamas. He hopped onto the bed next to her and watched her as she idly turned the pages of the magazine she wasn't reading.
"I'll admit Mystique that my mind has only taken to imagining the display you presented earlier this afternoon in the arena." He grinned broadly hoping she would swell her breasts to three times their size again. Instead she said nothing, only turned the page of the magazine, pretending not to have heard him. Erik could tell she was mad but he didn't feel like playing mind games. "Fine. Good night, Mystique." He said rolling over to face the other way.
"Do you still love him?" She finally spoke. He could tell she was straining to make her voice sound indifferent but she was definitely mad. He turned to face her again. There was a long pause before he answered.
"Yes." He said quietly. The air was filled with silence as she soaked in his honesty.
"So that Rogue girl was telling the truth." He looked down guiltily. "Are you taking him back then?"
"No." He said quite simply.
"No? He didn't ask?" She stressed her pronoun heavily. Erik paused before answering.
"Yes. He did." His tone reminded her of how he spoke to Rogue that night on the boat towards Liberty Island. Low and with hesitation.
"But you couldn't leave your Brotherhood…" She stated, her words coming out less audibly till she whispered the last few through pained speech. Erik sighed and sat up next to her.
"No, Mystique, it's not like that…"
"Then what is it Erik? Are you saying you love him more than you love us? What am I missing?"
"I love Charles more than I love my life with the Brotherhood, yes, it's true. I would have left the Brotherhood for him." Mystique was stunned. Rarely had she ever been caught so emotionally off guard and this reminded her why she refused to fall in love for the longest time, but it was too late to think about that now. She was in love with Erik and there was nothing she could do to reverse that. She bit back tears that she couldn't remember ever having shed before. This new low was not what Mystique was used to experiencing and she hated it. To think she had fought for his honor that afternoon.
"I see." Was all she said. "Then why are you still here?" He looked surprised that she would ask.
"Well, because of you, of course."
"Erik don't get sappy on me. It's not like either of us."
"I know but you obviously don't seem to understand how much I love you, Mystique." This was new too. Erik was not one to openly tell her he loved her. He had done it before in moments of desperation, like that time she threatened to leave him if he didn't come home from time to time, always too busy with mutant affairs to spend time with her, but this time he was in no way desperate to keep her. In fact, it was the other way around.
"How would I know that, Erik? You don't tell me."
"I have before. And you knew I was sincere about it because you forced me to put my pride aside." She didn't say anything to that. He took her hands in his and made her look him in the eye.
"I'm going to have to do something I've never done before, but you've forced me to get sentimental on you, which I know you don't like over-emotional situations." He made sure she was listening then he continued. "The reason I didn't take Charles back is because I'm in love with you, Mystique." She stared intensely at him, and realized he was telling the truth. "You got it?" He asked with an authoritative tone, never one to drop his superior airs. He was practically commanding that she understand and trust him on that, which made it easier for her to do so. She nodded her head.
"Yes, Erik."
"Good," He said letting her hands go, looking slightly perturbed that she had put him in that sappy circumstance. "Never question me about it again then." He added as he lay down on the bed and rolled the other way so she couldn't see his face anymore. Secretly, Mystique was more elated than she had ever felt before. The fact he was willing to stoop to that dramatic level meant a lot to her. A lot. It was reasons like this that she reminded herself that she was glad she had finally decided to let down her guard after all those years to fall in love with him.
He lay in silence, trying to go to sleep. It had been a long day, when he felt her hands lightly stroking his hair, her fingers gliding over his scalp.
"Erik?" He heard her say over his shoulder.
"Hmm?" His voice was muffled from the pillow.
"Do these seem different to you?" Confused he turned to face her and saw that she was behind him on her knees, giving him a mischievous look and holding her breasts in her hands as though she were offering them to him. He smiled wickedly at the size she had made them.
"I'm not sure." He replied turning around to face her. "I need a closer look."
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In the end it seems the X-Men's attack on the Brotherhood was all in vain. They won the least battles, Charles didn't get his man and a few relationship integrities are suddenly questioned. Still, good times were had by all and none of the X-Men or even the members of the Brotherhood would soon forget that one day at Magneto's.
FINI
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Author's Note: All right, so I hope that didn't give anyone diabetes. That was a little too sugary especially for me but, whatever, it's written down and there's nothing I can do to change that. Well, there is but I refuse.
And now to reward all those who made me happy by reviewing...
lovestoread - I'm glad you liked that fight between Rogue and Mystique! It was so damned hard to write!
Funkyfries - Hope you made a lot of fat cash betting on Mystique. I'm sorry I don't update sooner, but I'm very busy...and lazy.
Shy FX - I'm glad you're enjoying my story! I went to an all girls high school too. I pretty much wrote what I remembered.
The 42 - I so should have used the name Misty! Dammit, oh well, too late now. How's your story coming along? How's the ankle? Also the pic of Pyro and Bobby will show up on Rogue's myspace page. I had no where to state that in this story.
Yarrharr - A fellow Monty Python fan! You're in my good book.
XChocolateChipX - I guess I should put a caution on my story. Caution: Do not read if you are drinking juice or eating pasta. Lol, I'm glad you are enjoying my story!
AngelofSnow - Thanks for reviewing! Of course this fic would not be as funny without your input. I'm trying to put as many good one liners in this fic as you have in yours. Strange how you picked out all the lines that I was most proud of...great minds think alike. You're awesome!
