Okay, I know I've been MIA for awhile—but I needed a lil break, I suppose. But, I just got a new laptop. My first laptop ever, actually—so I'm looking forward to sitting in my bed typing away! I shall do my best to update quickly… no promises though!
Natalie
Okay, chapter 2!
Mulder got into his car, put the key into the ignition and turned. Slowly, the car came to life and began a steady purr. He put his head down on the steering wheel. This had been an absolutely unbelievable day. Everything that could have gone wrong, did.
But the tragedy in that was that everything could have gone right. So, so, so right. He and Scully had fought before, but never like this, it had never been that bad. He'd somehow always managed to control his temper, at least when it came to her.
His temper was something he'd struggled with quite a bit in his childhood, his early childhood, but especially when Samantha was taken. He'd gotten reprimand after reprimand from his parents and teachers alike, with the occasional school official intervening. But as he got older, he learned to deal with his anger in different ways, ways that didn't involve lashing out at innocent people.
If only he could have remembered those ways earlier this evening—things wouldn't have gotten so out of control. He wouldn't be feeling so miserable.
He knew his behavior with Dr. Bolton had been wrong. And he knew that he had ditched Scully—and he also knew he didn't have a logical reason except his frustration with his infatuation with his partner. Maybe, subconsciously, he'd been trying to make her jealous, but he never imagined that it would work. Apparently it had.
It had worked so well that now he had no idea where his partner was. He just knew he had to find her. He didn't have a choice—he needed to tell her how sorry he was. That is, if she would even listen to him. He had acted so irrationally that he wouldn't blame the woman if she didn't talk to him for the rest of their natural lives and thereafter. He had taken the low road—he had sided with everyone else in the world that didn't see Scully as he did. And right now, he hated himself for it. Yeah, what she had said hurt him, but that didn't matter now, that couldn't justify the things he said to her.
He needed to find her. 'Then shut up and go look' said a tiny voice inside his head. Mulder sighed and put the car in reverse—he backed out and began his search.
He had no idea where she was, and she wasn't answering her phone. He, perhaps stupidly, checked her apartment—he even used his key to make sure she wasn't hiding from him. But she wasn't.
As he was driving a though occurred to him. He had absolutely no idea where she would go if she were feeling vulnerable. Not that she felt vulnerable on a daily basis, but still, he didn't have the slightest clue as to where to look. So, he did the only thing he could think to do… he drove around aimlessly looking for her car or anyone that remotely resembled her.
He started with coffee houses and moved on to bookstores—hoping to come up with something. But, alas, he found nothing—no trace of Scully—and her cell phone had now been turned off. Apparently she got tired of seeing his name under 'missed calls.' It was getting dark, so he pulled into the parking lot of one of the bookstores and sighed.
He hated that he didn't know where to find her. He hated that he didn't know every little thing about her. He hated that he had done this, that he had caused this hurt for the both of them. Suddenly, a though occurred to him. If Scully were feeling vulnerable, an emotion that was relatively foreign to her, she would probably try to go somewhere that was relatively foreign to her—an atmosphere that was very un-Scully.
Yes, that's exactly it. He knew his profiling skills would pay off someday. So, he changed his tactics. He decided to check all the places where he wouldn't think to look for Scully. And at the top of this list, was any kind of bar. Well, especially ones with scantily clad women—but she wouldn't go that far.
He began driving once again, and checked all the bars he could think of… and finally, he hit pay dirt, so to speak. Outside of a relatively nice looking little bar, he caught sight of Scully's car. He had never been so relieved as he had in that moment. He could now stop agonizing over her death or some accident that would leave her paralyzed for life.
He parked his car and walked across the street and into the front door. He stopped dead in his tracks as his eyes fell on the back of Scully, hunched over her drink. She was facing an older gentleman who was cleaning glasses—they were talking, and suddenly the older man looked Mulder in the eye. Mulder looked at the old man steadily for a moment—there was something in his eyes, a sense of protection that made Mulder stop for a minute. Then, the old man turned his gaze to Scully and said something to her while nodding his head in Mulder's direction.
Scully turned around on the barstool and looked at Mulder. His heart nearly broke then and there. Her eyes were slightly red from crying. She had been crying… because of him and the awful things he'd said to her.
He wanted to run to her, to take her in his arms and tell her how sorry he was. That he would never, ever make her hurt again. But he just stood there. He said nothing. He did nothing.
She turned back around to face the bartender—he said something else to her and walked away.
Slowly, Mulder began making his way to the stool next to Scully. After what seemed like an eternity he made it, but she didn't turn to look at him. His throat was dry, but he tried his voice anyway, and gently said "Scully…"
She still didn't look at him.
He was about to say something else when something in her right hand caught his attention. "Scully, you smoke!" He couldn't stop himself—this didn't make sense.
She took a drag on the cigarette, and finally brought her gaze to meet his. "Only when I drink." She replied, and then put the cigarette out in the ashtray in front of her.
Mulder didn't know what to say, so he just gave a meek smile and said "Oh." Another thing he didn't know about her. He sighed and sat down "Scully, look…" he paused and then started again "I don't really know what to say… except I'm sorry. I know I hurt you…"
That caught her attention, and she turned to look at him, masking the sadness in her eyes with anger "Do you? Do you really, Mulder?"
"Yes." He said, dumbfounded—he knew he hurt her… he thought…
"I don't think you do. I don't think you have any idea at all." She said, trying to keep her voice steady.
"How so?" He asked. He was amazed that she was telling him how she felt for once, instead to the old 'I'm fine.' But, he guessed after what she said before she walked out the door earlier today that they were way past 'I'm fine.'
"Imagine, Mulder, the one thing you hate most about yourself—the one persona you hate projecting. The one nickname that makes you cringe inside every time you hear it, the one thing that makes you want to throw up and cry at the same time. Then imagine that one of the only people you care about in the world uses that against you. The one person that you thought saw through the façade. The one person you trusted enough to be fragile with—maybe not outwardly so, but inwardly. The one person you…" She trailed off, tears in her eyes, and looked down at the ashes in the ashtray.
"The one person you what, Scully?"
Okay, there was chapter two. Be gentle.
I'll try to update more frequently if that's what you wish.
Natalie
