FIC: Cleveland Calling (20?)

Left. Right. Right. Right. Left. Duck. Right. Left. Kick. Duck.

"Breena, I was wondering if I could ask you something."

Breena turned from pounding the punch bag to the young man stood behind her, a more nervous than usual look on his face. "Sure, Andrew," she beamed as she wiped the sweat from her glistening forehead. "What do you want?"

"Ah, eh, ah," the apprentice Watcher stuttered and for some reason blushed. Sure, her cotton shorts and lycra top were sticking provocatively to her, what with the sweat and all, but it wasn't like Andrew was that way inclined. "I was going to remind you you haven't done your chores yet."

Breena rolled her eyes. Gee, training to be ready to save the world, vs. chores. Which was more important? "I'll get to it later, okay?" Shaking her head, she turned away.


"Damn that woman!" Gellert slammed a fist on the table before him, the force of the blow smashing the wooden table in half. "Months now and that bitch is still living! I want Faith Lehane's corpse nailed to that blasted Council house. I want them to learn who are they dealing with!"

"My lord, it is not the old days," Sophos counselled. "There are far more Slayers."

Gellert rose, his minions reared back. "Then so many more to fear me. The Slayer will die within the week."


"Um," Faith guided her right hand down the front of Xander's pants even as she continued to kiss him, his hands pulling at her hair, their bodies pressed together as they made out on the couch. She broke away to look at her man. "Maybe we should take this," she groaned as the front door crashed open. "Damn, never any peace." Rising with a fluid grace that only another Slayer could match, she winked at Xander even as she looked into the hallway. "Yo, Andy!"

"Gaaaa!" The youth stood in the middle of the hallway threw the two brown paper bags he'd been carrying into the air and fell on his back.

"Jesus," Faith rushed over and helped the youth to his feet. "Someone that nervous usually has something to feel guilty about," she joked.

"You startled me," Andrew mumbled as he hurriedly picked up his spilt packages and, face averted, hurried upstairs.

"Isn't Andrew just the weirdest guy?" Xander commented from the doorway behind her. "What was all that about?"

Faith looked over her shoulder and winked. "I know you, Andy isn't even closest to the weirdest." She grinned at Xander's scowl. "Oh no," she said in mock high-pitched voice. "I've been a naughty little Slayer, Mr. Harris will have to pu-," her words dissolved into laughter when Xander grabbed and began to tickle her.


Andrew shuddered as he heard Faith laughing below. Ever since Faith had hugged him, he'd realised something. All his men crushes – Warren, Xander, Spike, had all been about replacing his absent father rather than anything gay. He was interested in women, always had been.

But someone like Faith was way out of his league. Even he knew that. She was way hotter, more experienced, more everything than him. And even if she wasn't, she was dating his friend. There were some rules, some lines no man crossed.

Besides, he liked Breena. She was sweet and kind, not scary like Faith or Dana, and was the only Slayer apart from Faith who really spoke to him. And her voice, he shivered, he loved her accent.

He'd tried to talk to her this morning. But as usual his nerve had failed him and he'd made some excuse about rotas. All day he'd been engulfed by feelings of inadequacy. It was stupid. He'd faced, no laughed, at the greatest evil man had ever faced, an enraged Faith, and he couldn't even ask a girl out. Pathetic.

But then he'd hit on an idea. Magic. There had to be love spells.

And there was. He scowled as he looked at the books he'd bought, plenty of them. That was the problem. There was so many spells, he couldn't decide which one to use.

Suddenly he grinned. It was obvious for a genius like him. He'd just have to create his own super-spell from all these spells. Spreading the books out on his floor, he began to read.

He sighed. Breena was great, but it was a pity his heroine was taken.


Andrew strutted downstairs, buoyed by his night's work. Walking into the kitchen, he beamed at Breena. "Hi."

The girl barely looked up. "Hey, Andy."

Crushed and confused by his spell's apparent failure, he slouched over to the cupboard to get his cereal. "Hey Andy," Faith shot him a dazzling smile. He blushed when she ran a hand down his chest. "Damn, those workouts are starting to pay off aren't they?" The busty Slayer winked. "Lookin' good Andy!"

"Um, ah, thanks," he looked down at his feet, embarrassed by his idol's praise. But then she was always doing that, encouraging him. She was one of the few people who didn't make him feel like a hanger-on.

"That's five by five," Faith grinned at him again before sitting down at the table. "Yo, Xan." Faith's boyfriend looked up. "I was thinking Andy might be up to joining us on patrol tonight."

"You think he can handle it?" Xander asked between bites of his toast.

"Don't talk while you're eating honey, it's gross," the Slayer reproved before nodding. "Sure, you, me, Dan, Con, and Andy. Fang can take the rest."

Andrew's previously down spirits rose at Xander's shrug and nod. "If you think he's ready."


"So," Andrew trembled when Faith threw a comradely arm over his new, ultra-cool leather jacket he'd bought especially for his patrol. Normally he wouldn't want anyone to touch it, but when it was his idol, that was different. "Your first patrol? You excited?"

"Yes," he managed a gulp as they crossed the street and headed for the local park. He'd managed to plot all the vampires they'd run into and the mysterious deaths reported in the local papers onto a computer program and work out where vampires were most likely to patrol, given their usual patterns of behaviour. It was quite brilliant really. And very accurate, demons usually hit the park at least twice a week; it was just a matter of being there at the right time.

"Don't get too excited," the Slayer whispered. "I'm gonna really excite you later. Ever done it on a park bench, stud?"

"Stud?" Andrew let out a croak. A huge penny dropped. His spell hadn't hit its intended target but Faith. And it hadn't even done what it wanted, he didn't want to manipulate her into loving him, he wanted to get a confidence boost so he could impress her with his Scott Baukla like suaveness.

Instead he'd infected his friend's girl. The most frightening woman walk-, stalking the face of the earth.

Faith wrinkled her nose. "Man, you sweat a lot don't you?" Andrew opened his mouth to reply he'd only just started. "That's okay, I can lick off you later."

His life was over. "Um, Faith?" Andrew gulped. He didn't know what was more frightening, what Faith was promising to do to him or what Xander would do once he found out. "What about," he nodded at the trio marching just ahead of them, Xander flanked by Connor and Dana, "Xander?"

"Him?" Faith sniffed. "It's time I moved up to the big leagues. And I've seen you in shorts, I know you qualify."

"Ahhhh," Andrew gulped, now she was hinting at his manhood. At least he'd come to a decision. Once she'd finished with him, he wouldn't be alive for Xander to kill.

Connor turned to them, a bemused look on his face. "Is everything alright?"

Andrew's mouth opened and shut with no sound coming out. He didn't know just how badly the spell had infected Faith. If he tried to cry out for help, she might attack him, attack the others, or even hurt herself. He cast a fearful look up at his beaming captor. "Me and Andy are five by-." Faith looked left and right, eyes widening. "Vamps! Don't worry Andy, I'll protect ya!"

"Vam-."

Suddenly Faith was moving, her arms wrapped around him so tight that it was a struggle to breathe. The brunette leapt into the air, clearing a park bench he suspected had been ear-marked for the popping of his cherry, her foot flashing to the left to crash into the face of a vampire, knocking him on his back. Upon landing, another vampire charged them, Faith drew and threw a stake, the demon exploding into dust.

"Faith!" Andrew's eyes widened as, from his position tucked under the Slayer's arm, he saw a demon grab the Slayer in a triangle choke.

"Fucckeee," Andrew gasped as he hit the ground, the purpling beauty's foot flying up to kick over her shoulder and into the demon's face. The vampire grunted and released his hold, the Slayer spun to face it, a feinted left later, and the demon was walking onto a stake. "Sucker!"

"Oooow!" Pain blazed through Andrew's head as he was grabbed by his hair. Pulling out his stake he thrust behind him.

"You little bastard!" the last thing he was aware of was a workman's boot smashing into his head and then consciousness fled.


Faith's heart hollowed as she saw her man being kicked. A bestial scream erupted from her lips as she darted towards her felled lover-to-be. Another demon lunged at her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Without breaking stride, she thrust downwards, turning the demon to dust.

A vampire crashed a right to her jaw, knocking her back a step. "There's a hell of a bounty on your head, bitch!" growled the vampire, a short, box-like Latino. His left flashed out like a boxer's jab.

Faith sidestepped, grabbed the demon's arm at the wrist and sidekicked him in his over-stuffed gut. The moment her opponent began to double up under the force of her attack, she drove her stake deep into the demon's back. Her heart snapped like a twig at what she saw, or more correctly didn't see. "ANDY!"

She forced herself to concentrate, telling herself the tears could fall later, as she looked left and right, but to no avail. "Damn," in the distance she could hear Xander talking. The bastard was probably happy Andrew was gone, probably thought she'd take him back. But she had a real man now. "Look, we'll have to re-group. Connor, contact your dad. Faith-."

The moment Xander's hand touched her shoulder, Faith shot an elbow backwards. "Don't you fucking touch me!"

"Ahh!" the man let out a squeal as he flew backwards, head crunching satisfactorily. Teach the bastard to put his hands on Andy's property.

"Faith-." She filled Connor's mouth with a fist, knocking Angel's son into a tree. The wiry youth slid down to the ground, blood leaking from his mouth.

Sensing Dana coming up behind her, she spun around and glared. "Don't." The girl's second of hesitation was all she needed to burst away from the scene and charge off after the vampires. If they hurt one hair on her sweet boy's head, she'd make them wish their mommas hadn't met their poppas that one time they did, every last one of the bastards.


"What just happened?" Connor demanded as he stared from Xander's crumpled body and to the disappearing Slayer.

"I…I don't know," Dana stuttered.

"Look," Connor thought quickly. "I'll go and track Faith. You ring Amy and tell her what happened. Then grab him and head back home."


Angel shook his head when Amy's phone rang, cells on a stakeout didn't exactly increase the stealth factor. He listened with half an ear as Amy talked. Finally the witch hung up, a stunned expression on her face. "Faith's broken up with Xander."

"Finally," Angel muttered. He smiled weakly as he realised every Slayer was glaring at him. "Oh, sorry. Did I say that aloud?"

"And now she's infatuated with Andrew."

"And just when you thought her taste in men couldn't get any worse-," he gulped as he realised the glares had intensified. He'd done it again. Things had been much simpler with he'd been monosyllabic.

"She's under a spell," Amy's glare was only slightly less than the Slayers'. "She went nuts when they were attacked by a bunch of vampires, and took off after them on her own after Andrew was snatched. She even attacked the others when they tried to help."

Okay, Angel grimaced, this did sound more serious. "We best head back to base and see what's happening."


Geir looked up as Sophos and his accomplices entered their hideout. He noted two things. There were a lot less of them than there was before. And they'd brought a guest, a particularly unappealing-looking toothpick of a male. "What's he for?"

"He's the Slayer's lover," Sophos lifted the flailing youth by his hair. "She'll follow right after us for him, won't wait for the others."

"Really?" Geir stared at the youth. "You're sure? I thought the Slayer was dating the one-eyed man. And why would any woman date that? I mean look at him?"

"Hey!"

Sophos hit the boy in the stomach and dropped him to the ground. "I'm sure, she was utterly protective when it came to ensuring no harm came to him. She'll follow him right here."

After a second Geir nodded. It wasn't as if they had a choice, their sire's mood had been uncertain these past weeks. If the Slayer didn't die and soon, there'd be hell to pay. "Okay, set that up on the rack," he glanced down at the boy lying winded on the ground, "we'll celebrate with it once the Slayer is dead."


"It's a love spell," Amy decided as she looked around Andrew's bedroom, picking up book after book. "The little idiot has cast a love spell."

Angel growled. "On Faith?" He'd dismember the little bastard.

Amy paled and the Slayers pulled back at his snarl. "No, no, no," the witch shook her head. "His target wasn't Faith. But Andrew's mixed in a few different spells, transposed bits from different books, it's a real jigsaw, not wonder that things went wrong. I've no idea who he was aiming at, but it wasn't Faith."

Ignoring the fact that judging from Amy's heartbeat that the last bit was a lie, that she did know who the spell was intended for, Angel nodded. "So what do we do?"

Amy's brow furrowed. "I'll work at breaking the spell, it'll be complicated. Homemade spells always are. But the more immediate concern is getting hold of Faith before she hurts herself, Andrew, or anyone else."

Angel nodded. But he wouldn't mind if Andrew got hurt. No, not at all. "I'll see where Connor is."


"Andy!" Faith's heart raced as she entered the warehouse to find her man tied to a rack by the far wall, his pasty-white body gleaming attractively with sweat.

"Faith!" Andy squealed in his sexy helium-filled voice that made her tingle in her naughty places. "It's a trap!" Faith beamed, that was her man, always thinking of others.

"Kill her!" a voice boomed out of the shadows.

Without taking her eyes from her baby-boo, Faith drew her stakes and flung one left and one to the right, the sound of her weapons striking home accompanied by exploding dust. Another demon burst out of the shadows, sword in hand. Faith glided under the female vampire's wild sword-slash, and uppercutted her in the crotch. The moment the vampiress began to double up, Faith snatched her short sword from her and decapitated her.

Sensing another demon sneaking up behind her, she back-heel kicked her opponent in the face, the force of her blow lifting the vampire off his feet and flinging him into the room's only table. Another vampire rushed out of the shadows, snatching at her with a triangle choke.

Before the hold was properly applied, Faith dropped to the ground. The moment her shoulders hit the ground, she swung her legs up and towards her head, the toes of her feet smashing into the gut of the vampire stood over her. Before the demon had chance to react, she was up and swinging her sword backwards in a decapitating slash.

Another vampire leaped out of the shadows, she dropped into a crouch, allowing the demon to sail harmlessly overhead. She started to straighten up and gasped when a boot smashed into her face, knocking her onto her back.

Dazed, she was helpless to prevent the demons from crowding around her and start to give her a world-class kicking. "This is easy," one gloated. "Kill her. Then turn that little runt she likes."

Fire pounded through her veins. Before she knew it, she was up, an elbow snapping to her left, her blow lifting its unfortunate receiver off his feet and propelling him back into the shadows. Another vampire reached to grab hold of her shoulder. Even as she backhanded another demon away, she snatched a hold of the vampire by the wrist and flung him over her shoulder and into two vampiress in front of her.

Another demon, a rough-hewn, muscle-bound son of a bitch who smelt old, real old, crashed a left into her face, snapping her head back. Faith spat the blood that welled in her mouth into the demon's face. "That all ya got?"

Before he had chance to answer she was moving, baseball sliding between his apart legs to end up in a pile with the two vampiress and the vampire she'd thrown into them. Before any of them could react, they were staked and she was up, flinging her stake into the demon she'd elbowed in the face as he stumbled out of the shadows. He co-operated by exploding into ash.

The big bastard charged her. Faith grunted as he hit her shoulder-first, the force of his close to three hundred pound body lifting her off the ground and sending her cart wheeling. Hitting the floor hands first, she hand-sprung back up.

And right into a concussing left to the forehead. Dazed, she stumbled backwards but not out of the range of a follow-up right cross to the mouth. The demon grinned and grabbed her by the throat, lifting her off the ground.

The moment her feet left the ground, she drove them both into the demon's crotch. "Ahhh!" the demon greyed and released his grip, dropping her. Hitting the ground on her shoulder, she rolled back up onto her feet and came in fast with a stake strike.

Not fast enough.

The demon rocked her with an elbow to the head, even as he reached across himself with his other arm and grabbed her stake-arm at the wrist. The vampire smiled at her. "What now, little girl?"

"This!" Faith crashed a foot into the back of the demon's left hamstring. Caught off-balance, the demon fell to his knees, his face disappearing in crimson when it descended into her up-swinging knee. The moment the vampire fell on his back, Faith was straddling him. "Never," she slammed a stake home, "mess with my man."

Faith grinned as she fluidly rose. All dead. Now it was just her and, she licked her lips, Andy. Putting an extra sway in her hips, she started towards the whimpering youth. "Don't worry baby," she cooed. "Mamma's made the bad people go away."


"Girls, split into two groups, hunt down any vamps leaving the main warehouse. But stay together, this industrial park is a regular rabbit warren." After a second Xander threw him the tranq gun he'd been clinging to the tension-filled ride to the abandoned warehouse. "You're a better shot, you and Connor with me."

Angel nodded before following the Californian into the warehouse. His eyes widened at the sight that greeted him, the floor covered in dust, and a sweat-streaked Faith advancing on Andrew. "Might as well as make use of the ropes, Lover-boy," the Slayer croaked, her hands busily unfastening her top. "I like it kinky." Beside him Xander groaned.

"Has she ever-," Angel shook his head. "No, I don't need the mental picture."

"You notice that Andrew looks more frightened now all the vampires are dead? Faith really wants to rip his clothes off." Connor shrugged at Xander's glare. "Just sayin'."

Angel chuckled at his son's comments before raising the tranquiliser gun and firing. The dart slammed into the Slayer's neck. All three of them gulped when Faith turned from her advance on Andy to stare at them, eyes colder than ice. "Angel."

"Yeah, yeah." He raised the gun again and hurriedly fired. The brunette snatched the second dart out of the air before starting towards them. "That's not good."

"You think!" Xander squeaked.

"Yeah," Angel decided he'd have to remind Xander just how unmanly his voice sounded under pressure. Of course, the proviso was them actually living through the next few minutes. "I'm out of ammo."

"What!" Connor and Xander both turned to him, eyes widening with horror.

"Not my fault-," Angel sighed as he watched the Slayer slump to the floor. "Thank god for that."

"I'll second that emotion," Xander agreed. "Let's get her home and de-spelled."

"Is that anything like de-fleaing?" Connor wondered.

"It is if Andrew's involved," Xander glared at the youth fastened to the rack. "You always wanted to be taller didn't you?"

"Xander," Angel growled warningly.

"Can't I at least make him squirm?" Xander protested.

Angel rolled his eyes. "Not if you want to risk her waking up beforehand." Xander shuddered. "That's what I figured."


"Love spells! Love Spells! Love spells!" Faith stormed back and forth, hair swinging. Talk about humiliating, she was going to rip Andy's lungs out for this. "What sort of idiot does love-." She stopped as she noticed something. "Fang, why are you and Ams staring at Xander like that?"

Xander gulped. "I think we need to talk."

"Oh," she heard Angel's mutter, "to be a fly on that wall."


"Idiots! Fools!" Gellert flung his throne into the wall, the heavy wooden chair shattering like firewood. Over a thousand years of existence, all destroyed at the hands of one Slayer. His childes, his mate, all dead.

"Ah," his head snapped towards the figure stood in the entrance to his hall, "I think a cool head is needed in these situations. Don't you?"

In a second he was by the figure, fist pulled back to bludgeon the man into unconsciousness. And then he registered the stranger's complete lack of fear and powerful aura. Intimidated for the first time in centuries, he had to fight back the instinct to rear back and cower. Instead he settled for allowing his fist to drop by his side. "Who are you?" he hated the way the fear made his voice gruff.

"Solomon Emory," the unfazed man pulled out and passed him a business card, "attorney-at-law."

Gellert stared at the card. "Wolfram and Hart?"

"Just so," the perfectly-manicured man nodded and smiled. "I think the Slayer and her companions need to learn who is in charge of this town. And I think together we have the resources to do it."

"I'm listening."