Okay, guys, here's chapter 3. I'm busy now with training for soccer, less than two months til tryouts! But, I'll still try to keep the chapters coming, but only if that's what you want. : )
Natalie
"Never mind." She said, focusing all her attention on her drink.
"No, come on Scully, finish what you were going to say. Someone that you what?"
"I said never mind. Forget it, okay?"
He regarded her solemnly, before asking "Why do you always do that, Scully?" There was a certain note of sadness in his voice that he couldn't hide.
She still stared at her drink. "You always start to open up, but then you immediately stop. Why do you refuse to trust me, Scully?" At his mention of trust, she looked at him.
"This isn't about trust, Mulder. I trust you implicitly. I thought my following you to the ends of the earth had proven that."
"That's not what I meant, and you know it."
"Oh? What did you mean?" She questioned.
"You trust me professionally, Scully, I know that without a doubt. But you don't trust me personally." He said matter-of-factly.
"Mulder, you always seem to speak of them as if they're separate."
"They are."
"Yes, to most. But, not to us, Mulder, not to you and me. The X-Files are your life, I know that. But over these past few years, they have become my life, too. I don't know how and I don't know when, but somehow the two merged into one. So, to trust you professionally is to trust you personally."
He pondered this for a moment. "I agree. But, that doesn't change the fact that you refuse to open up to me. Maybe you're scared of the consequences, I don't know, but whatever it is, you won't do it, save for the occasional cryptic comment here and there." He said, referring to her departing words earlier today.
She nodded solemnly. "You're right."
"I'm sorry, can you say that again, I forgot my tape recorder." He said, smiling.
She didn't smile, though. "I am afraid of the consequences." She said, showing no emotion, though she held utter disdain for admitting her fear. "And rightfully so."
He looked taken aback "And what's that supposed to mean?"
"What it implied. I trust, Mulder. Only you, professionally, personally, whatever, I trust. But, this is what happens when I trust, and the only remedy I can see is to try to separate the two again."
"Why?" He asked.
"Because I don't hurt when I trust professionally, Mulder." She stared at him for a long moment before she sighed and said "I have to pee." Not giving him a chance to respond, she removed herself from the barstool and headed towards the restroom.
Frank, who had been wiping down the bar, came over to where Mulder sat. "You must be Mr. Mulder."
Mulder shook his head in the affirmative.
"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Frank." He shook Mulder's hand and then nodded off into the direction of the bathroom "She sure is something, isn't she?"
"Yeah." Mulder said. "Does she come here often?"
"Only every now and then, but when she does come in, we have nice little chats."
Mulder looked shocked "You mean, she actually talks to you? How do you get her to do it?"
Frank just smiled. "She only talks about one thing, anyway."
"What's that?" Mulder questioned.
"Ah, that, Mr. Mulder, is a secret." Frank said, still smiling. "But let me give you a little piece of advice, if I may… when a woman like that puts her heart in your hand… don't squeeze." With that, Frank turned back to his task of cleaning up.
"Wait… what do you mean?" Frank just looked over his shoulder and smiled.
Scully returned from the bathroom, coat in hand, "I'm taking off, Frank."
Frank turned and leaned across the bar, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek "Okay, sweetheart, take care. And come to see me more often!"
Scully smiled, and began walking out the door, Mulder following quickly at her heels. As they walked into the brisk DC air, Mulder spoke:
"Scully, can we please talk about this?"
"What, Mulder? What is there to talk about?"
Um, had she missed the entire conversation back in the bar? "Everything!"
She whirled around to face him, "Okay, then, talk!"
He paused momentarily before speaking "When I said that you…well, what I said back at the office, I don't know why I said it. No, I mean, I do know why I said it, I was angry, but, I mean…" he trailed off.
Scully swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. She hated this—this being at someone else's will. She felt what he made her feel. Of course, he didn't know that, but that didn't change the facts.
"Look, I'm sorry. That's what it comes down to."
She sighed "I know you're sorry, Mulder, but that doesn't change the fact that you said it in the first place. Do you have any idea how that made me feel, Mulder?"
"Yes, Scully, that's why I'm apologizing. I don't think you could ever possibly know how truly sorry I am. I was an idiot; I was trying to hurt you."
"You succeeded." She admitted, staring at the ground.
"I know."
Her eyes remained focused on the ground, "Mulder…" she started "is that really what you think of me?" she questioned, her voice meeker than she would have liked, or even thought possible. The tears welling in her eyes caused the words to squeak in her throat as they moved around the giant lump that had formed there.
She was scared. She was scared of his answer, frightened that it might be yes. That he really did think she was an ice queen. In her heart, she knew he didn't, not after all these years together. But she had to hear him say it, she had to deal with this before she could deal with the other things that had been said.
Mulder stood in silence, hardly believing that the question had been asked in the first place. Did she really not know how he truly felt? He turned away from her and rested his head against the wall, remaining silent.
How could he convey the truth to her? How could he possibly explain that, no, he didn't think those things of her. He didn't think she was cold or unfeeling. How could he say that she was the most tender-hearted person he'd ever met, that she was the only person in his entire life that had ever stuck by him? That she was the only person he had ever fully trusted, not because she was cold, but because she was exactly the opposite? How could he tell her that he loved her for all that she was?
Scully mistook his silence for the answer she most feared, and silently turned around and walked to her car.
The sound of the ignition startled Mulder from his reverie, and he turned to face Scully, only to find that she was gone. His eyes scanned the street, until they finally settled on her car. He could barely make out her face, but what he saw as she began to drive away was unmistakable.
He saw a single tear rolling down her cheek.
To Be Continued…
I promise I won't drag this on for a million years, I just think it needs more substance… not just BAM! Forgiveness. Most people aren't like that—especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
Oh, and I know, Scully drove after she'd been drinking…. That's why this is fiction. Don't drink and drive!
Feel free to review or the like, but, "Please be careful with me, I'm sensitive, and I'd like to stay that way."
Thanks, and I hope you enjoyed it.!
Natalie
