JUST AND MAGNIFICENT
Volume 3: The Price We Pay For Love
3.9: Goodnight, Sweet Prince
Most of Volume 3 of Just and Magnificent takes place in the 3-6 years after the events of the movie. It is the last of three volumes. It is AU and if you haven't figured out, contains slash and incest. Hopefully you find it handled in a way that is as pure as possible.
Summary: Susan buries her husband. Peter and Edmund are reunited under somber circumstances.
Warnings: Slash, Incest, Love, Romance, Adventure, Mystery, Action.
Disclaimer: Only characters that are mine are the Pretty Eyes People from Shian! And since they're all dead except Orrin, well I only own him now! Well actually, he's dead now so now I own no one! sniff All the rest belong to that master of awesomeness, C.S. Lewis.
JUST AND MAGNIFICENT 3.9 -GOODNIGHT, SWEET PRINCE
BITTER RETURN
Word had already reached Cair Paravel of the news in the north. News of King Peter's horrifying assault and near death at the hands of the one who is many. News had also reached Cair Paravel that King Peter's life had been saved with the sacrifice of a disgraced hero, Prince Orrin.
Edmund stood on the balcony outside the throne room of Cair Paravel, looking at the northern sky. He had felt a great deal of what Peter suffered, but unlike when Peter had almost broken the bonds of their love and he suffered greatly for it, it was not their love that had been tested this time. However, Edmund still felt a powerful echo through his body that rendered him unconscious on more than one occasion. He could only imagine how precarious Peter's life was right now and exactly how much he had suffered.
He had received the news of Orrin's death with immense sadness and unfathomable guilt. Love had fallen as he had feared, but it was not the love between himself and Peter. The love that fell was that of Susan and Orrin.
Because of Orrin's sacrifice, Peter had lived. Because of Orrin's sacrifice, Lejious had been beaten to the point where he had retreated in order to recover from his duel. Because of Orrin's sacrifice, he feared Susan would never ever forgive him.
He grieved for his fallen brother in law in his own way. He knelt alone in his room shedding tears for the Shian who had become a friend, a brother, and his sister's husband. Someone whose loyalty never wavered. Someone whose word was his bond and whose honor was his lifeblood. Edmund could not shake the feeling that because of his public sentencing of Orrin, the Shian had been led down a path that eventuated in his death. Yet if he hadn't, could Peter have survived?
No matter the answer, it did not change the guilt that Edmund felt and the grief that overwhelmed him. He knew that Peter was being flown back to Cair Paravel, still unconscious and oblivious to the outcome of the battle. The Narnian Army had already begun marching home from the north. Susan was also being winged back along with Lucy and the body of Prince Orrin.
He stood looking out at the northern sky waiting for a sign that his family was about to return. He received it with the relieving and anxious sight of gryphon filling the dusk sky. As relieved and pleased as he was to see Peter in the flesh after so long, he dreaded seeing the body of his fallen brother and even more, the face of his widowed sister.
Cair Paravel did not greet the return of its monarchs with anything but a somber salute. The war had been paused, it had not been won. There was also still the impending threat of the Lone Islanders who were preparing their invasion force at Galma. Regardless, the four monarchs had not been together at Cair Paravel for quite some time. This fact was cause for some hope, even in such dark times.
Edmund rushed to greet the arrivals in the central courtyard of Cair Paravel. Before he had even arrived, Peter had already been taken to the infirmary. His injuries were so horrific that he would need some time to recover. Yet as anxious as he was to see his love, he could not until he had spoken to Susan.
Prince Orrin's body was loaded onto a gurney and held aloft by four centaur. Mr. Beaver was one of the first to offer his condolences to Susan and pay his respects to a man he considered a friend. Edmund was next to take a moment and pay his own respects to Orrin.
"Thank you for saving my husband." Edmund said with eyes that were filled with tears, "Forgive me for wronging you, Brother. I will never forget you and I promise, your name will be remembered with honor. I swear."
"His honor was never yours to take in the first place." Susan said with accusing eyes, "And it most certainly is not yours to give now."
"Su …"
"Today I grieve for my husband. Tomorrow I bury him. The day after …" Susan said with a fearsome tone in her voice, "Fear me."
Edmund shook at the ominous warning of his own sister. He did not see his Susan in her eyes, he saw a woman who no longer loved him as a brother. He did not blame her for her anger, but he never expected her to treat him as such an enemy. Yet at that moment he truly feared that Susan was about to make him the object of her rage. In what form that would take, he did not know, but he feared it. He feared her.
SILENT PARALLELSEdmund sat in the main infirmary wing of the castle, where Peter was currently being tended to by some of the most renowned Galma Healers. Though Lucy's cordial had done a great deal to mend Peter's greatest wounds, he would still need some time to recover. He had not regained consciousness since the battle. He had been cleaned of blood and dirt and now lay naked, save for small swath of cloth to protect his modesty. Edmund believed him to be some kind of sleeping beauty, who had yet to be awoken by someone worthy of his affection.
Edmund grimaced at the sight of Peter's battered and beaten body. He would live, of that Edmund was sure, but he had suffered greatly. A gaping wound through his chest where Lejious's sword had punctured his body was the most obvious injury. However, it was just one of many. And as the Galma healers had learned, many of his injuries were internal. It would take some time to mend his broken bones, and more of Lucy's potion to rebuild some of the vital organs that had been ruptured and smashed by Lejious's assault.
Edmund could not bring himself to touch Peter. He had failed him in so many ways. By failing to defend the Eastern Seas. By sentencing Orrin, stripping him of his honor, and leading him down a path to his death. Most of all, he had failed Peter by failing to destroy Lejious when Aslan had sent him beyond the veil to do so. Had Edmund succeeded then, the Shian would still be alive today, and more importantly, this war would not have had a chance to begin. Thousands upon thousands of lives would have been spared. Terebinthia and Galma would not have been invaded, it's armies and navies destroyed, and it's people forced to live in shelters here in Narnia. All of this could have been avoided if Edmund had not let himself be deceived into believing he defeated Lejious when he ventured beyond the veil.
The guilt he felt weighing upon his shoulders was greater than any other feeling inside him. His mind was lost. He did not feel as though he was worthy of leading Cair Paravel in Peter's stead, and Susan needed time to grieve and could not expect to carry a weight that she had done for so long. Whether he liked it or not, much of Narnia's fate now rested on him. As he looked at Peter's motionless and battered body, he could only hope he was up to the task.
Thoughts of love were far from his mind. How could he think of such things when the weight of many rested on his shoulders? How did Peter handle such things with apparent ease? How did Susan? Since Edmund had returned to Cair Paravel after being defeated at Galma, his stint as ruler had been troublesome at best. His transition from a fallen king to a rogue warrior had been a natural progression. His transition from a rogue warrior to a reinstated king had been far more difficult. Politics had jaded Edmund. He found the mantle of king constraining for though it gave you power, it also gave you even greater responsibility.
As one of the Galma healers entered to clean Peter's wounds and wipe his body clean, Edmund silently stood up and took their place. He was not at Peter's side when Peter needed him, and perhaps if he had of been, both Peter and Orrin would have survived. However, he could be by his side now.
Peter's breathing was shallow but steady. His face, though bruised and battered, still radiated regality and beauty. Edmund gently wiped Peter's face, before proceeding to the rest of his body. He cringed at the sight of Peter's wounds, wishing that Lucy could come and administer more of her cordial. The cordial was a remarkable concoction, laced with the power of the fireflower and magic that even Lucy did not understand. It was said to cure almost any ailment or injury with just a tiny drop. However, in cases as severe as Peter's, it still required some time to work its magic and boost the body's natural healing abilities. It was also not wise to administer too much for the effects were unknown, and also the value of the cordial was so high that Peter had insisted that even if he is injured, he should receive no more or less than any other wounded that Lucy might care for. Therefore, the recovery was now mostly in the hands of the excellent Galma healers who used many traditional and exotic remedies to aid many over the course of the war.
Though Edmund found the sight of his broken Peter to be heartbreaking, he took solace in the fact that he was alive. He took solace in the fact that he could tend to his wounds and body, and know that Peter would eventually recover and that his body would still be warm to him.
In the southern wing of Cair Paravel, it was a far different story. Susan did much the same task as Edmund. She tended dutifully to the smashed and ravaged body of her husband, but unlike Peter, her husband's body was deathly cold. Unlike Peter, he would not recover. Unlike Edmund, Susan would never again know the warmth of love that Orrin brought to her life.
Yet as brokenhearted as she was, she took her current task very seriously. This would be the last time she would ever clean or tend to her husband's body before he was prepared for burial. She could not bring herself to grant him the Shian fate of cremation for she did not wish to see his ashes scattered to the wind. She wanted him buried here in Cair Paravel so she could linger by his side until her time came to leave this world.
Her silent tears streamed down and mingled with the dried blood on Orrin's body. His wounds were horrific, but to her, he remained as proud, dashing and handsome as ever. Such was the state of his body however that his casket would remain closed. For Susan it was one more injustice that her husband would suffer before he found rest. As if he had not suffered enough of them already.
Unlike at Peter's bedside, where dozens fluttered around the high king and King Edmund, Susan had the company of no one. No one stood beside her to offer words of support. No one grieved with her for her husband. She had never felt so completely alone as she did right now. Yet she did not care that all attention was on Peter and Edmund in another part of the castle. She did not care that no one stood beside her at this moment. She cared only that this would be the last time she ever tended to her husband. From cleaning his body to dressing him one last time in his formal armor. She took an achingly long time to clean and dress him. She did not miss a finger or strand of hair.
When she was finally done, she sat beside her husband and placed her hand on his. She cast the form of someone who was completely lost with no idea of what to do now that she had completed one of the last tasks for her husband. Now all she could do was sit with him and comfort herself with the presence of his body that she would only have until his impending funeral.
SOMBER REUNION
Peter opened his eyes to the smiling sight of Lucy. She brushed the hair from his eyes and let her hand linger on his cheek. Peter could taste the fireflower cordial on his lips, realizing she must have given him another dose. The last sight he could remember seeing was Prince Orrin jumping over him to protect him from the one who is many. Though he had been unconscious for most of the time since then, he could remember vague sensations. From Lucy administering a dose of cordial on the battlefield to soaring through the air in the grip of a gryphon, to feeling Edmund's tender touch on his body.
His body was wracked with a numbing pain and his breathing short and raspy. He instinctively tried to move his hand to feel out his own wounds, but his strength was barely enough to open his eyes, let alone move his arm.
"Lucy …" Peter gasped, his voice weak, " Battle … over? What happened?"
"The war is paused. He has halted his armies while he takes time to recover from his duel."
"Orrin stopped him?"
"He hurt him. He has given us time. Susan has ordered the retreat of our forces in the north. They are marching back as we speak. All our forces are being recalled. She expects us to make our stand here in Narnia, on both sides. She was uncertain when you would be awake to consult you on these matters."
"Susan knows what she is doing." Peter nodded, "I will be on my feet as soon as possible. Will you send for her? I need to know how many of our armies were lost in the north. I must tend to this before … before I see my husband."
"Perhaps you should see Edmund before Susan. I … I don't think Susan is up to discussing matters of state right now."
Weak as he was, Peter could still sense the grief in Lucy's aura. He could see the burden and despair in her usually jovial eyes. With a somewhat anxious glance, Peter dared to seek the source of Lucy's heavy heart. It didn't take him long to start entertaining fears that he hoped were wrong. Why would Susan not be up to discussing matters of state? His first thought was of Orrin, for he knew the Shian had challenged him.
"What's wrong, Lu?"
"It's …" Lucy said as her face filled with tears of grief and sorrow, "It's Orrin, Peter. He's dead. He died saving you and beating back him. Susan is with him now, preparing him for burial."
Peter lay in stunned silence as Lucy informed him of Orrin's sacrifice. She informed him of Susan's grief stricken state since her husband's death. He realized that he would not be alive at this moment, were it not for Orrin. Susan had lost her husband. Peter had lost a brother. Lucy had lost someone she clearly loved and felt great affection for. It was all Peter could do, but to shed silent tears. Orrin had become the latest casualty in a war that had already claimed so many.
Instantly his heart went out to Susan, for he knew the despair of losing the better part of his heart. He could only imagine how she was faring. He wanted nothing less than to go to her side and comfort her in this time of grief and despair. Yet he could barely move, so instead he held Lucy's hand and tried to smile reassuringly.
"Are you alright, Lu?" asked Peter, realizing what a silly question that was.
"I feel so terrible for Susan, but … I feel awful for Orrin. He was so wonderful and thoughtful. I almost thought I had another brother. He knew he was going to die, I should have seen it. He came to visit me before he left and I should have seen it then. But … if he hadn't, you might be dead now. Oh it's so awful. Peter, you must allow Orrin to be buried properly. You must give him the honor of being buried as he should be, not as a criminal with no mention of his passing."
"Criminal?" asked Peter, wondering what on earth Lucy was on about.
It was then that Lucy stunned Peter with the revelation that Orrin had been dishonorably discharged from the Order of Justice, removed and barred from holding any official post in Narnia, and sentenced as a criminal. All for killing Prince Rabadash and his wicked father. Peter could barely listen without his jaw dropping in disbelief and mounting fury. Even more so when he realized that this could not have come to pass without Edmund handing down the sentence himself. As Lucy told of the humiliating last days of Orrin, including his arrest for merely walking the grounds, he grew livid with anger. Perhaps partially because of his guilt for the fact that Orrin died to save him, but also because he was family, and a loyal friend to Narnia. He could only imagine how humiliating it would have been for Orrin, but perhaps even worse now that he was dead, how hurtful it would have been for Susan. Particularly to have Edmund be the one to sign what would be Orrin's death knell. He knew how much the Shian valued their honor, and had no doubt that Orrin saw no other choice to restore Susan's name than to save him. Yet he knew even if Orrin still had his honor when he died, he still would've saved him, such was his character.
"Summon Edmund to me and have the order for Orrin's sentencing with Edmund's seal sent here immediately." said Peter with an amazing amount of clarity for someone so weak and weary.
Peter gritted his teeth, his mind not allowing him to wash over with grief. He was still too numb with disbelief to process how Orrin's death would impact himself, Narnia, but most importantly, Susan. His mind swayed to the war and how Lejious had been beaten into a temporary submission, something Peter did not expect possible. Perhaps this would give Narnia the time it needed to recentralize its forces.
Peter waited for what seemed too long a time before a messenger arrived with the official order that sealed Orrin's fate. He studied it for a time, his eyes still somewhat unfocused, but able to read. The dull light from his bedside lamp did little to help illuminate the words, but he was nonetheless able to read every word and could only scowl in disappointment. It just screamed of injustice for Orrin to be punished for killing someone Peter would have killed himself and as a result, ended the war with Calormen.
He did not wish for his first in the flesh meeting with Edmund in months to be stricken with anger and disdain, yet his duty as high king forced him to express these thoughts. Yet when Edmund approached him with a solemn face that bordered on despair, he faltered. Though he had an angry tirade mapped out in his mind, he could barely bring himself to speak. He was stricken by love and exhilaration at seeing his husband after so long. He could finally touch him and rejoice in the fact that they had somehow twisted fate so that they could have this moment. Or perhaps Orrin had twisted it for them. That thought alone made Peter realize that he could not let his love sway him from what must be said first.
"Edmund … it is good to see you." Peter said with a nod, hoping Edmund would see that the coming chastising would be completely separate to his personal feelings, "You look well."
"And you, Sire." Edmund said with a nod, "I know why you have summoned me. Speak your piece, Peter. Let it be done."
"Edmund … how could you? How could you sentence our brother? Susan's husband? Your first liege? Especially one as loyal as Orrin. To make matters worse, you charged him for avenging the death of our own blood and the capture of our sister! That filthy swine, Rabadash did things I can barely speak of. Yet you charge the man who killed him and avenged our blood? If a war had not been in place, I would have started one!" yelled Peter, his rage causing his chest to throb painfully from too much exertion, "What you did was a disgrace to Narnia and a crime against our sister. You are meant to serve justice!"
Before Edmund could speak, Peter ripped the order in two, breaking Edmund's seal and stamp on it at the same time. Though he wanted to tear the order up into even more pieces, he knew his point had been made. He glared at Edmund, using his anger to quell any feelings that might overwhelm his need to deal with this issue.
"You will assign Orrin full honors for his funeral as a small gesture to Susan." said Peter as he held out the torn order to Edmund, "You will hand this to her yourself so that she knows that no record will ever list her husband as a criminal or a man without honor. You will remove any record that says otherwise and I will have that dwarf Likatrik's head if you permit him to remain in the Order's ranks. I am disgusted with all of this, Edmund. And I am … very, very disappointed in you. Do you understand me?"
Edmund nodded meekly and at once Peter felt terrible, yet how could he let this be without expressing how he truly felt? He wanted to reach out and touch Edmund, but he could not bring himself to. How could he chastise Edmund so harshly and expect his touch to be reciprocated afterward?
"I am not above the law, Peter. I agree that it was wrong, but as King Edmund the Just, I must follow the letter of the law at all times, even when I disagree with it. What example would I be setting? Orrin knew this and accepted it, but it did not change the fact that I felt as terrible as I ever have before. I feel filthy, Peter. Susan hates me and I do not blame her. Now you return to chastise me as well and I accept that. I knew it would be this way, but I am still not above the law. Only you are. Only you have the power to fix this. I knew you would. I counted on it. I am just absolutely heartbroken …" Edmund said before he burst into tears, "That it is too late to make a difference, for Susan has already lost her husband, and perhaps I have lost a sister, and we have all lost a loyal man in Orrin."
Peter could see that Edmund was sincerely heartbroken. How could he have expected otherwise? How could he have doubted that Edmund would have been horrified at having to humiliate his own brother in law in such a fashion? How could he believe that Edmund would not understand the magnitude of what he had done?
"I will do as you ask, gladly, for I wish nothing less than to undo what has transpired in your absence. For … this injustice, I can give no excuses, I can only state that it pained me beyond words. For failing you in the Eastern Seas and allowing Galma and Terebinthia to fall, I can only offer my gravest apologies." Edmund said, with a face that was increasingly stern, "But I dare say … you should have sent me north in your place as I asked you to. Perhaps you would've been the one to defend the Eastern Seas far better than I. Perhaps you would've stood above the law and righted the injustice against Orrin before it had a chance to begin. Perhaps I … would have defeated him, as I always said I should be the one to face him. But we will not know, because no matter how much I begged you to let me go in your place, you refused me. I do my best as King in your stead, but remember this life I live is different to what Aslan envisioned. I am the Rogue Warrior and the Fallen King before anything else, and for those reasons, I should've faced him instead of you. Perhaps Orrin would still be here if you had of let me go. Let that rest on your shoulders while I beg my sister to feel warmth toward me again."
Edmund nodded and bid farewell before Peter could speak again. Was Edmund right? They would never know now. Though Peter wished he could have made Edmund feel some peace, he had none in him to give. This was not the fault of Edmund however, but that of himself and the attrition of war on his heart. Peter did not feel worthy of love or warmth. He could not indulge himself in such things when tens of thousands upon thousands had already died in the war since it had begun. Even more had died in the northern campaign against Lejious. Each death weighed upon Peter's shoulder. The name of each dead had been written and stored at his request. None would be forgotten or brushed aside. Each would be remembered, in Peter's heart and in the eyes of those who would gaze upon the wall that he would have constructed in their memory.
The weight of the war and his failings was greater than he could have ever imagined. Did Aslan forsee this? Did he expect him to wear such a burden and still succeed? So many cries echoed in Peter's mind. Cries of dying Narnian, pleading out to loved ones who would never hear their voices again. Cries from battlefields that Peter hoped he would never see again. As night settled in, he added Orrin's name to a list in his head that seemed to never end.
"Aslan … where are you?" asked a heartbroken Peter, "Please help us."
SMALL GESTURES
Edmund stood in the southern wing of Cair Paravel, outside the room where Susan sat with Orrin's body, counting the hours down to his funeral. He had already made preparations to allow Orrin to be buried with full honors, though most already assumed that would be the case. The two satyr guards who stood beside Edmund guarding the doorway had already told him that Susan had not left since she entered. Edmund expected no less from her. No doubt she wanted to spend every last moment with her husband up until his burial.
Taking a deep breath to prepare himself, Edmund entered the room. He found a distraught Lucy sitting beside Susan. Neither seemed to notice his presence at first, until Lucy raised her head and smiled at him. She seemed happy to see him. He wondered if the same could be said for Susan.
"Su …" Edmund said nervously, "May I please speak with you?"
Lucy excused herself, sensing that this was a moment that would be better suited without her presence. Edmund nervously stepped toward Susan, who kept her back to him and instead remained fixed on her husband. He held out the torn order that sentenced Orrin as a criminal and set in motion a chain of events that had led to his death. Susan's warning to him still lingered in his mind, but he could not refuse Peter's order and regardless, he would've still tried to mend the distance between them. A distance that he felt threatened to grow exponentially unless he could somehow fix things before wounds were left to fester.
"I did not wish to hurt you, Su." Edmund stuttered out, not even intending to do so, "I bring a small gesture, Su, and a plea from a brother to seek forgiveness for hurting you and your husband."
Edmund held out the torn order, but still Susan did not turn to face him. Her eyes would not waver from the body of her husband. Edmund too found himself staring at Orrin's lifeless body. He had seen much death in his life, but it still pained him to see the body of his brother in law without warmth or breath. He stared sympathetically at Susan before placing the torn order down at her side. She did not look at it, nor did she acknowledge Edmund's presence for a great while. Only when perhaps she realized he was not leaving, did Susan give Edmund the reaction he waited for.
"What do I care for this?" asked Susan as she stared uninterested at the torn order, "Do you really think I care anymore? Do you think I care what people would think even if this order was not torn apart by a brother who apparently does consider me, as opposed to you. Orrin died believing that he needed to restore an honor that you stripped him of. He did so not for him, but for me, because he feared that people would condemn me and our marriage because had been shunned, shamed and criminalized for avenging the death of our child. I told him I did not care what anyone else said, he never lost his honor with me and damn anyone who thought otherwise."
Susan's face was stoic, but each word seemed to send another silent tear down her cheek. Edmund felt his heart falter and his face became pained with hurt as he listened to Susan. He could see how upset she was becoming and did not wish to aggravate the situation by pleading his case. Instead he remained silent as her tears continued to fall and the passion in her voice grew with each word.
"Your gesture is noted, but ultimately means nothing. Is Peter well?"
"He is … speaking. Su, you know that Orrin's funeral will have full honors. This business is over, his name is restored as it should be. It is small comfort and late, I know, but …" shuddered Edmund, tears welling up in his eyes, "I'd do anything to make it right. You would've done the same in my position. I had no choice."
"That's where you're wrong, King Edmund." said Susan as she finally turned to meet Edmund's eyes, "I would not have done the same if I were in your position, because my loyalty to you would've been greater than my loyalty to a traitorous dwarf who had no right to bring charges in the first place. You had a choice, King Edmund. And you made your choice. Leave me, for I do not wish to spend my last hours with my husband thinking ill thoughts. And whenever you are near me, my thoughts are nothing but ill."
Edmund shook with tears but nodded dutifully. He could not believe that things were falling so fast between himself and Susan, but there seemed no end in sight. Would she ever forgive him or were they destined to drift apart forever? He took his leave with a small bow and a hurt glance, before he left the room.
Susan did not watch Edmund walk away, but when he had left the room she turned to face the door that he walked out of. She sobbed with volume in her voice and shuddered with despair. She did not wish to harbor such feelings toward Edmund, for it ran against her very being as both his older sister and the closest thing he had to a maternal figure. Yet she could not excuse the crime he had committed against her as much as her husband. She could not forgive him, and she did not know if there would be a time when that fact would change. Right now her thoughts drifted from Edmund and refocused on her husband. Though the hour was late, she sought no slumber. As cold and lifeless as her husband's body was, she took comfort in his presence and would do so until the time came to say her last goodbye.
ONE LOVE FELL, SO THAT ANOTHER WOULD LIVE
Peter could barely sleep and lay staring vacantly out at the night sky. He could not believe that his first encounter in person with Edmund in months had gone so terribly wrong. He could not retract his words to Edmund, and did not wish to. Yet he hated saying them nonetheless. The stern voice of High King Peter the Magnificent had long given way to just Peter, eternal lover of his doubt-bucket. He hoped Edmund would not punish him with his absence. Yet he could see no other way for he had wounded Edmund's pride and chastised him with little abate.
Perhaps war weariness had taken its toll on him. Perhaps he secretly did not wish for warmth, feeling so undeserving of its comforts. Perhaps grief for a fallen brother had despaired him too much to offer Edmund warmth in their first encounter. Yet when Peter heard footsteps at the infirmary doorway, he hoped wildly that it was Edmund.
"Peter." Edmund said with a small bow, his eyes stoic in a weak attempt to mask hurt, "Are you still angry with me?"
"No, Ed … I'm not. I'm sorry, I mean … I still think what you did was … wrong, but … I can see that out of all us, you could've done nothing else. You are the just king, even when it pains you to be so. I cannot retract my words, nor do I wish to. I only wish … I never had to say them to begin with. Please do no confuse the words of a king with that of a husband. For if you keep yourself from me in shame, then the shame will be mine. Do you forgive me?" asked a heavy hearted Peter, "I have thought of you every day since I left your side. Every night I whispered to the night sky of my love for you. I hate that we have been reunited in such awful circumstances for I did not wish our first meeting to be so horrid."
"I have missed you very much." cried Edmund, his tears desperate as he stood waiting for Peter to offer him an invitation to step closer, "Very much, Peter."
"Might you still love me?"
"No, I might not. Because might is not certain enough. Do not ask me such stupid things. We have been apart for some time, but it has not changed a thing, I assure you."
"Might you come to me then and kiss me as you would if I had not spoken such hard words?" asked Peter desperately, his eyes filled with tears, "It has been too long, Ed. I beg thee, please come."
Peter could not move off his bed, he could just extend his hand and hope that Edmund would step forward to him. As pained as his body was, all he wanted was for Edmund to lie with him. All he wanted was to feel his Edmund next to him.
"Please, Ed. Come." Peter insisted, his tears begging and pleading, "I am still your husband, am I not? Our love lives because Susan's died. Do not let that sacrifice be in vain. Come to me, please."
Edmund stood steadfast in his spot, but his eyes shuddered with emotion. Peter could only watch on as Edmund seemed to contemplate thoughts in his mind. He could only hope those thoughts would lead Edmund to him any moment.
"Doubt-bucket?" said a breathless Peter, extending his hand out anxiously to his husband, "Doubt-bucket, I love you. Please come."
"I love you too, Peter." smiled a tearful Edmund.
Peter let out a relieved cry as Edmund took his hand and kissed it. He kissed his way up Peter's arm, stepping ever closer to the bed. Finally he dove at Peter with a fierce kiss that was wet and somewhat messy. Their kiss tasted of salt from tears and sweet, red lips. It was a kiss that had been denied for far too long. A kiss that soon let tongues free to play against one another.
Peter used all his strength to put his arm around Edmund and pull him onto the bed. Injured as he was, Peter could not do much else except lay there and kiss his Edmund. His hands held the soft nape of his husband's neck, marveling at how soft it remained to his touch. His lips sucked anxiously on Edmund's, wondering if they could ever be any more plump or sweet or warmly familiar.
No more words were spoken that night for none were needed. The look of recognition and love in their eyes said enough. They shared tearful kisses that were hindered by Peter's weak state. Their hands clasped and their bodes pressed against one another as much as they could be without causing Peter pain. They let the knowledge of their reunion settle in, for they did not believe this day would come again.
As sleep claimed them, neither was aware they were being watched from afar. Susan had come finally, for she wished to check on Peter's wellbeing. The sight that greeted her was both a warm and despairing one. Even with her anger toward Edmund, she could not help but be glad their love endured. Yet it only served to remind her of what she would never have again. Her eyes downcast to the ground at the dimly lit image of her brothers in arms, content and relieved that their love had not fallen. The love that had fallen was her own, and she could not help but turn silently and run with anguished tears an evidence of her loss.
FINAL PREPARATIONS
Mr. Beaver stood inside the room where Prince Orrin lay in state. His funeral procession would begin in mere moments, but his casket would be closed. Therefore, Mr. Beaver wanted to say his goodbyes here. Already Susan had been ushered much to his displeasure to the main entrance to the castle where the procession would begin. King Edmund and Queen Lucy paid their private respects with Mr. Beaver, preferring to say their goodbyes in a more personal setting.
"You were my brother, and you saved my husband. For this … I owe you a debt I cannot repay. Peace be with you, Orrin." Edmund had whispered with guilt etched on his face, "Goodbye."
Mr. Beaver could not help but sympathize with King Edmund, for he carried much guilt over Orrin's death and particularly his last days. It was already well known throughout Cair Paravel that tension was mounting between Queen Susan and King Edmund. Rumors were already rife that Queen Susan would move against the Order of Justice the moment her husband was buried. There were even darker rumors that she would move against King Edmund himself and force one of the monarchs to abdicate their crown, which some would say could lead Narnia to a civil war. Mr. Beaver would not believe such a thing. Surely the love between the siblings would overcome any tensions they might have.
When King Edmund left Prince Orrin's side, it was Queen Lucy who took his place. Where King Edmund had been laden with guilt, Queen Lucy's was pure grief. She said no words but simply sobbed and placed her hand on Orrin's for some time, before she leaned over and kissed his temple. Only when King Edmund touched her shoulder, did she make a move to leave.
As the last officially to say goodbye to Orrin before his funeral began and his casket was closed, Mr. Beaver stood solemnly on his own. He had become a loyal friend and admirer of the Shian and had a hard time accepting his death.
"You brought me back to my wife, you did." sighed Mr. Beaver, "You saved Queen Lucy. You saved Queen Susan. You saved King Peter. You've saved so many of us and yet you asked for nothing in return. You always had my respect, Orrin, and you never lost your honor. I won't forget you."
Mr. Beaver bowed one last time before he moved to close the casket. Queen Susan could not bring herself to close it, for it was just one more goodbye that her frail heart could not take. Yet as he moved to close the casket, he was interrupted by the dwarf, Likatrik.
Mr. Beaver found the arrival of Likatrik to be blasphemous. How dare that dwarf show his face here, Mr. Beaver thought. He bared his teeth at the dwarf, unable to hide his disdain.
"How dare you show your face here?" yelled the feisty beaver, "Get out!"
"I come to pay my respects to a fallen hero." Likatrik said with a bow, "And to inform you that you are needed at the procession start. I will close the casket in your stead."
"The cheek of you, Dwarf."
"You dare not oppose King Edmund, for he requested your presence specifically so that you may join him in representation of the Order of Justice."
"A name I held with pride before you tarnished it!"
"Peace, Beaver." Likatrik begged, "Save our quarrel for another day. Today is a day for mourning."
"For once I agree with you." said Mr. Beaver with still a snarl in his voice, "I hope you are happy with your actions. They will not be forgotten."
Mr. Beaver bounded out of the room, leaving Likatrik standing alone at Orrin's coffin. Likatrik turned to the doors and whistled, before the guards stepped inside and slammed the doors shut behind them. The dwarf had once served Jadis, yet in the aftermath of her defeat at Beruna had pledged himself to Narnia. Though many had doubted his loyalties, none had a reason since his pledge to give their doubt validation.
"Hello, Orrin." Likatrik said as he stood over the fallen Shian, "My … you certainly suffered before your death, didn't you?"
Likatrik's face seemed genuinely pained, until a sneer began forming across his lips. A sneer that became a light chuckle of pleasure.
"Oh how easily these righteous Narnian turned on you, Shian. It was far easier than I expected to remove you from the Order of Justice. You were far too thorough. He has eyes everywhere you know, and I am certain you would've soon realized that I was one of them. And now look at you, not only disgraced, but dead!" laughed the dwarf, before he leaned over Orrin's coffin and spat with venom on his dead face, "Take that you Shian filth! I win!"
Likatrik then turned to the faun guard's who stared ominously back at him. They drew their swords and stepped toward him, before they fell to their knees and bowed.
"You have our master's orders." Likatrik said with a sneer, "We have work to do."
FAREWELL, LAST OF THE SHIANThe flags of Narnia flew at half-mast in respect of the gentle queen's husband, Prince Orrin. In the outer halls of Cair Paravel, Orrin's coffin was carried by many of his most loyal and trusted friends. With Captain Capies and General Lero at the rear, to King Edmund and a still recovering General Oreius at the front. The look that passed between Susan and Edmund upon his stepping forward to act as a pallbearer was none too pleasant, yet nothing was said to oppose his motion. Wearing a black silk dress with a hood that draped over her eyes, Susan followed silently behind the procession of her husband's casket. Lucy followed several steps behind Susan, with eyes bright with grievous disbelief.
When the procession reached the main entryway to the castle, a sea of mourners awaited to pay respects to the Shian Prince. At the sight of so many, Susan's resolve began to waver and tears streamed down her face in silent anguish. The casket paused at the top of the main outer stairs, where an unexpected surprise interrupted the procession. High King Peter the Magnificent, dressed in full formal attire, hobbled with as much dignity as he could muster to Susan's side. He took her face in his hands and placed a gentle kiss upon her lips. Without a word, he slowly made his way to Oreius's side and put his hand on the centaur's shoulder. Though still suffering greatly from wounds inflicted by Lejious, Peter gritted his teeth and lifted the casket in Oreius's place.
Once again the procession continued out toward the central cemetery, with Peter and Edmund wearing somber faces and heavy hearts. Peter's somberness was coupled with a tight lipped attempt to stave his physical discomfort. Yet it was obvious to all who could see him, that he would not be swayed from performing this last task for the man who saved his life and allowed him to return to his soul mate.
Trumpets did not play, no sounds of joy were heard. The path from the castle to the cemetery was lined either side by infantry and those who had served with the fallen prince. Full military honors were delivered for the man who held one of the highest non monarch positions in Narnia. Yet for one woman, his wife, she cared nothing for ceremony or honors that were bestowed posthumously. For Susan, she could still not forgive the way her husband was forced to live his last days.
The path Susan traced behind her husband's coffin was the hardest in her life. She walked alone, with only her tears for comfort. Her face shook beneath her hood, and she found her legs grow heavier with each step, for each step would take her to her last goodbye.
When the procession finally ended, the final ceremony began with Peter speaking. Though his presence was not expected, it was nonetheless expected for him to speak first since he had attended.
"Today we say goodbye to a man who was for some a stranger, friend to many, brother to a lucky few, and husband to one. Prince Orrin, last of the Shian, was one of the most loyal and honorable men I have ever known. His sense of duty and honor was often frustrating …" smiled Peter, "For it was a hard task to be completely informal with him. When I first met Prince Orrin, it was obvious he and Queen Susan had already formed a strong bond. It was a bond that I was proud to bear witness to, and it is a bond that I despair to see breaking today. I do not wish to speak in such somber tones, for in these dark days of war I would seek a ray of light. Perhaps that ray of light is in knowing that there are some who would be prepared to lay down their lives so that we may share these moments. I am only sorry that I will never have the privilege of sharing one of these moments with you, Orrin. If anyone remembers anything about Prince Orrin, I hope that it is this. Such was the effect he had on our lives, that we all stand here today with grief in our hearts and tears in our eyes. Yet none so great than that of my sister, Queen Susan the Gentle. Prince Orrin died to save me, and it is something I will never forget. Susan, you are not alone, for we are with you. All of us."
Peter's eyes sought Edmund's and they shared a knowing nod of acknowledgment. Susan's eyes did not waver from her husband's casket, but Peter knew she had at least heard his words. He knew in his heart that Susan's grief had only increased the friction between herself and Edmund, and wished to mend it now before it had time to fester into something beyond his power to fix.
Peter spoke in great length about his brother in law and moments they shared together. He tried his best to keep the tone hopeful, but in the midst of war, it was hard to raise spirits, especially during a funeral. When he finally ended his speech, he opened the floor for others to speak. It was Lucy who nervously stepped up next. Her eyes had been a mess of tears the entire day, with only Mr. Tumnus's constant attention to help her through.
"Uhh … I can't really say much. I just … wanted to say thank you to Orrin. He said I was always so kind to him, but you see, it's only because you deserved it. You saved my life, Orrin, but that's not why I'll miss you. I'll miss you because of the gift you left me and because of the way you made my sister smile. And because it was you who was always so nice to me. I love you very much, and I … I'm sorry, I can't say anything more." Lucy sobbed before shaking her head and running back to Mr. Tumnus.
More would take their turn to speak, from Oreius to Mr. Beaver. It was Susan however, who had not spoken and none expect the funeral service to end without her speaking. When there seemed there was no one left to speak, Edmund anxiously stepped forward. His eyes sought Susan's, as if seeking permission to speak for he did not wish to offend her. She did not even raise her eyes to look at him, so he took the initiative and stepped up to speak.
"It is no secret what transpired in the days before Prince Orrin's death. I fear no words can express my sorrow, both to Orrin's memory and to my sister." Edmund said with tears in his eyes as he looked at Susan, "Let any man here say I thought little of Orrin and I will show you a liar. I loved … love him as a brother. I have many memories of this man. Some which are poignant, some which were of great humor. To many who knew him, Orrin was incredibly formal. Yet to know him for as long as we did, you began to see that underneath it all, he had quite a mischievous sense of humor. If he were here now, he would say otherwise, but it is true. On my wedding day he took much pleasure in distracting me with his well hidden humor. I was incredibly grateful for his efforts. It is strange that out of so many moments … it is that moment that sticks out in my mind. It wasn't of Orrin saving lives or being one of the fiercest warriors I have ever known. It was of my brother in law distracting me so I wouldn't be so anxious about my wedding. It is these little moments that I will miss most. I am truly proud to have known you, Orrin. I am grieved in ways you cannot imagine at your passing. Because of you, Narnia has her High King Peter and I have my husband. And because of you, my sister will know incredible grief because of the joy you brought her. In this time, I give you my word that I will watch over her … even if she would not have me do so. I will miss you, my liege. Until the stars rain down from the heavens, may you rest …"
When Edmund had spoken, there was only one left to speak. Queen Susan the Gentle. She took some time to raise her head and speak. She had no wish to do so, but did not wish her husband's funeral to be remembered as one at which his own wife did not speak. She wanted her goodbye to be private and personal, not privy to the ears of those who condemned him.
"Orrin …" Susan said, her eyes faltering at the very mention of his name, "My husband. My sweet, sweet husband. I cannot believe that you are gone. It seems as though a moment ago we were together … sharing a dance on our balcony beneath the moonlight. You remember, don't you? How will I live now? What shall I do without you? I had a life before you, but I did not live until you loved me."
Susan faltered with her tears, but stood firm. She bit her lip as she struggled to find words to do justice to her husband and their life together. Yet she could find none to satiate the need in her heart.
"I don't know what to say. I have anticipated this since the moment you left me, but now I have no words. Let it be known your honor was never lost. No matter what anyone …" Susan said as her eyes met Edmund's, "No matter what anyone says, your honor was never lost. My sweet prince, thank you for loving me and bringing me the greatest joy I have ever known. I will never love another for as long as I live. My heart is and always shall be yours, until the day I die. I will always be your promised one. I can say no more. Goodbye, my love. Goodbye."
When her words were spoken, Susan kept her composure with as much grace as she could possibly muster. Yet the moment her husband's casket was lowered into the ground she faltered and cried out, as if somehow her husband would hear her. As the casket was lowered further, Susan buried herself in Peter's arms. Despite his physical pain, he held her with as much force as he had in him. He broke away only when the casket had been lowered completely, stepping toward it with a pained glance.
"For you, my brother." Peter said as he dropped the first mound of dirt upon Orrin's casket, "For my life, I thank you. For my sister's life, I grieve. For what you gave us, I celebrate. Rest now, Brother. Rest."
Peter was the first of many who paid their respects by dropping a small mound of dirt upon Orrin's coffin. He was followed by Lucy, Edmund, Mr. Beaver, and many more. All too soon for Susan's liking, Orrin's coffin was covered and could no longer be seen. She clung to Peter and wailed angrily for the first time since the funeral had begun.
"I've got you, Su." Peter cried as he held his sister, "I've got you."
Susan sobbed into his shoulder as her husband's grave was filled in and covered. She faltered on her legs but Peter held her up and would not let her go. Though it was still obvious that he was in no shape to be standing out here at all, he refused to leave Susan's side. It was the least he could do for his sister, and for the man who died in his place so this his own love would not fall.
ALONE BENEATH THE MOONLIGHT
The first night after her husband's funeral, Susan stood alone on her balcony. She stared up at the moon with a lump in her throat and pain in her eyes. She had stood in that same spot for over an hour, just staring up at the sky in plain view of those below in the inner courtyard and the balconies of her siblings.
Silent tears streaked her cheeks as she began moving slowly across the stone beneath her. She mimicked the dance that she so often shared with her husband. She closed her eyes and held her arms up as though there was someone with her. She did her very best to recreate every step of their moonlight dance in its entirety. Yet when she opened her eyes, she was greeted by the stark reality that she danced alone. A reality made even starker with the knowledge that she would dance alone for the rest of her life.
A JUST AND MAGNIFICENT SIGN OF HOPE
"You should be in the infirmary." Edmund said to Peter as he stood on his balcony.
Peter lay on their bed, having been adamant to his healer that he would do so this evening. After being so far from his husband for so long, Peter would have nothing less than a night together in their wedding bed. Even if it meant he could do little except lie there and try not to moan in pain too much to unsettle his husband. He would still need a great deal of time to recover fully, but he would recover, and for that he was grateful.
"What are you looking at, Doubt-bucket?" asked Peter, "Come to bed?"
"It's Su." Edmund said with tears in his eyes as he turned to face her, "My heart breaks for her. I could see her dancing alone … and I know how much that must pain her."
"Come to bed."
Edmund did so, changing into his nightclothes before he laid down gently beside Peter. He was careful not to touch him or move too much, for the slightest movement still caused Peter discomfort. Yet Peter motioned for him to move close enough so that arm at least could cradle his head.
"We are blessed, Doubt-bucket. For we still have this." Peter said as he kissed Edmund's temple, "We still have this."
"We do." smiled Edmund, tilting his head up to savor a long kiss with his husband.
"I have lived through what Susan is going through. I will not live without you." said a tearful Peter, "Not again. So do not leave me?"
"You forget, Peter. It is you who will leave me."
"Oh not that again. You believed I would fall, but Orrin fell in my stead. Though I wish he had not, it makes me think that fate is not set until it has passed. Therefore, I will never believe that I will leave you and I will not let you believe that I could ever leave you. It has been a trying time and I have missed you terribly, but my love for you has never wavered, of that you have my word. It only grows stronger, especially on days like today."
"We are fortunate, Peter. I used to think that one lifetime was not enough, but after seeing Susan today, I can only think that it is more than I could ever hope to expect. I know that my failings are many. I could not defend the Eastern Seas and now we risk invasion from two sides. I isolated my own sister by sentencing her husband for a crime that should not have been one to begin with. I feel so ashamed, but I will redeem myself and do what I was always meant to do. From today, it is time the Rogue Warrior returned."
"Not today." said a fearful Peter, "But tomorrow. Today, or tonight, I just want my doubt-bucket. Save the hero training for tomorrow?"
"I love you, Peter. I promise you that when this war is over, and it will be over, I will make you happy."
"Even when I say … harsh words, it changes nothing of my feelings. You make me happy every day we are together. When this war is over, I will show you just how happy we can be." smiled Peter as he cried and captured Edmund's lips in his own.
Reunited, the two lovers crept slowly into sleep. Though it was pained and awkward for Peter, it was yet another sleep filled with bliss. For they had been denied this comfort for far too long. Though their reunion had been rocky, they had to at least appreciate that they had a reunion. Not just a reunion, but a hope for the future. Their future.
GOODNIGHT, SWEET PRINCE
Unlike Peter and Edmund, Susan would not have her reunion. The horror of her first midnight dance since burying her husband had shattered her attempts at composure. The only peace she could find was far from her chambers. Never before in her life had she felt so completely alone or filled with despair. While lovers slept in the warmth of each other's arms, Susan lay alone on her husband's grave. She sobbed silently to herself as she stroked the dirt and whispered her husband's name. She would rather sleep here than alone in her chambers. Dead or not, she could be nowhere else except by the side of her husband. Painful sobs overwhelmed her as she cast a lonely figure in the moonlight, lying on the exposed dirt of her husband's grave.
"My prince, my sweet prince." Susan sobbed to herself, "I am alone. How could you leave me all alone? All will be forgiven if you come home. Just come home, my love. Please? Dance with me again?"
Though she sobbed and pleaded, her cries fell on deaf ears. Her husband would not return home, nor would she dance with him. Yet despite knowing that somehow her husband was not special enough to receive a miracle such as Edmund had received, she could not help but ask anyway. And even if she knew that her love would not return, she could still linger on his grave, for it was all she had left of her husband. One love fell so that another would love on, unfortunately for Susan, it was her love that fell.
- To Be Continued -
3.10 - Gentle vs. the Just
Susan continues to feel isolated from her siblings as tension between her and Edmund take a dangerous turn. A turn that couldsee her leave Narnia alone. Peter and Edmund work together to plan Narnia's defense as invasion looms. Lucy receives a surprise message.
A/N: YAY! I'm back with my baby, Just and Magnificent. It's been a bit of a break, but hopefully I'll be back in form and ready to knock the end of this story on the head. This is probably the last Susan heavy chapter of Just and Magnificent. You can already see Peter/Edmund starting to take back their starring roles. I suppose this is like a transitional chapter, both with Orrin's funeral and the reunion of Peter and Edmund. A bit of a bittersweet(SAD!) chapter. Peter and Edmund get their reunion, but Susan has to say goodbye to her husband. Just for the record, from here on out, all bets are off! If you're expecting JAM to somehow followa canon ending where everything is neatly tied up ala the end of LWW, think again. I do hope you enjoyed this chapter! Reviews are love. I missed writing this. Thank you for reading.
