Detention Essays

A/N- Yes, well, the teachers finally ran out of imaginative punishments to give the Marauders, so were reduced to giving them essays. These are a sample of the many that were written throughout their fifth, sixth, and seventh years. To give me some entertainment, we'll start with Sirius….

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Task: Write a 1000 word essay on why engorgement charms should never be used for entertainment purposes- Prof. M. McGonagall.

Dearie me, Professor. Have I finally got the better of you, so you've sunk this low- an essay? That's bad, even for you. I would have thought you could come up with something better. Any way, onto the subject matter…

Since some people weren't there to see the finished product of my hard work, the engorgement charm in question was only used to swell up said subject's feet, and it was very amusing. Who wouldn't want to see someone looking like a greasy, hook-nosed, smurf?

Engorgement charms, however, are risky. There is a chance that the charms could miss- hitting an undesirable target, or even go wrong, causing another effect that wasn't quite so hilarious. But, admittedly, there is the same chance with any spell, potion, in fact, any other mischief making implement. The engorgement charm, actually, has less chance of being effective, seeing as I've been casting it for years properly.

On the other hand; the engorgement charm could also affect more than the designated target- Snivelly's whole body could have swelled, not just his feet. This has more of a shock factor than laughter, depending on how the subject reacts to their condition and the size they swell to.

Still, there is a chance that the charm could backfire, especially when done in a crowded corridor. Luckily, when I got our greasy little friend, he was inadequately prepared- he was protecting his body, not his feet (by now, I would have thought he'd recognise the threat I pose to his dignity), so was caught out ever so slightly by my fiendish greatness- as with many of our unsuspecting victims.

But, never mind about our targeting skill- which was perfect, as usual, I hasten to add. Engorgement charms can also be dangerous because the engorged person could swing out and harm one or more of my comrades- depending on which bit of them swelled.

There are, however, several other, simpler spells that we could have used in a combination attack to get our victim. Said group of spells would be easier to assure success, as if one failed, at least you'd have the other three working their magic, assuring laugh to cheer up everyone's day- except Snivellus, but who really cares about him?

The impact would be, though, that all of the Marauders would be in the pit, and it's always easier to keep at least two out of detention at one time to initiate more mayhem whilst the others are indisposed. Stuck in a room with a grouchy professor who doesn't want to be there, and if they'd let their student go it would mean a happier time for everyone concerned… (Hint hint).

But, back on topic again, the risk factor is one of the things that makes it exciting to use charms such as this to increase the enjoyment of the school day. I mean, we wouldn't get anywhere without it- school is so ordinary and boring; something has to brighten it up somewhat. But, then again, this comes from someone who's known about magic since they were born- it might be more interesting from a muggle-born's point of view. That's a point actually… remind me to write it down…

Right, run out of ideas…. Dum de dum de doo…. Ah. That's it. Instead of the engorgement charm- which is slightly quicker, we could have used a swelling solution. It would have taken longer, but hey, keep the fans on their toes, you know? Can't give them a fixed routine, or they'll get bored. It's more practical to be spontaneous, but sometimes, patience is everything- we like to keep the students and the teachers, for that matter, on tenterhooks to see what splendiferous trick we're going to pull off next. The target is always the same, plus we've done nearly everything we can to humiliate him now- but we've got another two years left, so I'm sure we're not going to run out of ideas any time soon.

A quick word count before we continue- altogether, plus this paragraph, we're at 679 words. Not bad, eh?

Another disadvantage to the engorgement charm is the time it takes to wear off. It can be removed in seconds, unlike the swelling solution- which takes 2-3 hours to eradicate from your system. But, you can't have everything. Quick recovery time just means that you have less time to think of a comeback action- but the more on the spot, the better, in my opinion. Also, the quicker you do the prank, the more time you have to run.

Well, thank you for this opportunity, Professor McGonagall. I didn't think it would come to much at first, I mean, sitting in your office for two hours? Wasted time, definitely. However, on reflection, I've got an awful lot of planning done for our next; shall we call it an excursion?

This has also given me time to evaluate my last, brilliant, scheme- up the pros and cons, which I've never had a chance to do. I should do this way more often! Maybe then I'd be able to re use different ideas, after making them better! Oh yes! We're going to get somewhere in the world, Sirius! Hang on, I'm talking to myself- this can't be good.

Since I've gone completely off topic now, I'm going to continue on this tangent and make a suggestion- Minnie, slack off a bit! Don't make me stay here for the rest of the evening! I have a life to lead, people to humiliate, friends to laugh at, generally- I have a life to lead and this is making it progress.

Whoops- nearly forgot about concluding the actual punishmenty thing. Engorgement charms shouldn't be used for entertainment purposes because there are so many other spells, hexes, curses, jinxes and potions which can be used to better effect, with less of a failure rate, whilst having much more of a surprise and manic outcomes.

Oh, stuff this. I'll just leave it here. There's about enough words.

(Teacher's note: As Mr. Black didn't complete his essay- there are only 999 words, he will be remaining in detention for the rest of the month- Professor M. McGonagall.)