Taiyou no Ao
Beginning Notes:
Firstly, as you probably guessed, this story is yaoi. And yes, that means everything that comes along with yaoi. If you don't like bishounen getting it on with each other, then turn away right now. It's not even worth reading this story. I mean, it starts out with an R rating for a reason.
Secondly, it is DARK. It is depressing. I can't assure you that all characters will end up in one whole piece or even alive at any time throughout the story! So, don't like seeing dear Duo or precious Heero beat up on themselves or each other (in many ways), you may also exit.
Now, whoever is reading this I do hope you enjoy it. It's a plotbunny, so who know's where it will go. I DON'T! But just bear with me on this, okay? Hopefully this bunny won't get too out of hand.
Hope you like it!
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Prologue
The bar was full to crowding that night, as I sat in my corner and watched the steady flow of people. I had no drink, choosing to remain sober until my companion came inside. I knew this meeting would be our last, and one I needed to keep all memories of. Instead, I contented myself with watching the crowd as they hurried in and out of the small place, in this tucked away town on the border of the Sanc Kingdom. There was a wide assortment of people, and most buzzing with news of the marriage of the queen, Relena Peacecraft. They laughed with each other and whispered harsh rumors, spreading the news, truth and lie, through the entire complex. But, thankfully, I was left out of that mainstream of knowledge. Maybe my trench coat had succeeded in keeping these people away long enough for me to get in a few words in private with someone. I had known this was the center of town (which, in my opinion, was nothing good to speak of for the town), but chose it as it was as the meeting point. I tipped down my sunglasses and peeked over the rims. Still, I saw no figure weaving through the people...as if he did not exist. That was his way, wasn't it?
The thing called love disappears when it becomes solid.
The answer you whispered from behind me.
Your back not overly jealous.
I fawn over you, pretending not to see it.
"Thirty minutes late; this isn't like you," I muttered. My insides churned for alcohol to calm my raging mind, but my heart told me otherwise, and forced down the longing. I tucked my hands in my pockets and sighed, fidgeting in the booth where I sat. Surely I would be able to hear him when he entered, and he could pick me out. I mean, a year hadn't dulled his senses, had it?
I knew it hadn't dulled mine, for as the bell chimed at the door, I lifted my head, and immediately was able to pick out the short figure, a black stocking cap covering his mass of hair, shifting through the people. I could almost hear his grunts as he gently moved them aside, his quick apologies lost to most ears. As he neared, I suddenly wondered what I would say. I had planned so many scenarios over the past year of our next meeting, and yet none of them covered us greeting each other in a crowded bar where others could pry into our conversation. He pulled into view, and all functions ceased, my attention focused only on the figure drawing closer to me. It sat down on the chair across from me and waited, in silence. I watched his body's every move, the ripples in his finely made black shirt, how the jeans contrasted the fine material perfectly. He had not lost any of his attractiveness in the past year; he was still the same, fine boned, well-muscled, light teenager I had remembered. And his eyes had not changed those blue depths that glowed in the dim lights. My gaze moved downward as memory and imagination filled in how his legs looked, crossed as they were, his pants looser around his thighs then they were in the war days but still tight enough to accent his muscles...
I cursed my own tight pants and shifted in my chair.
We won't need words if we can seek the night together.
We won't need love, to go to a darkness with no place to step.
The silence fell between us, until he broke it with the one word I have least expected out of his mouth, though I should have been prepared for it.
"Well?" In Heero Yuy's traditional fashion, he brought a question out first, direct and ready to turn the talking over to me. I stammered for a moment, searching for words to tell him. "You called me here, so do you have anything to say?" So many words, Hee-chan, but my mind would not process them.
"Well sorry if I didn't know it was a crime to want to talk to a friend," I retorted as best I could, lowering my glasses down. "But obviously, you have more important matters. What, spending some quality time with ole' Relena there?" Anyone who had not spent as much time around Heero as I had would have noticed no change in his posture, but I saw the muscles on his neck twitch, just the slightest, at the mention of that name. His cold eyes softened ever so slightly.
"Duo," he whispered, reaching across the table towards me. My fingers itched to stretch the distance and touch his skin again. I gritted my teeth and watched the hand with indifference. "One year," Heero said.
"One year, yeah, no fucking deal," I said, throwing back my hands. "It was paradise for you, engaged to the queen of the world, or whatever she is now." I reached down and picked at the material of his shirt. "How could you wear something that nice, really? I mean, in a year, you going from wearing shit to the finest shirts your darling can purchase for you. What, my gifts not enough?" He pulled back with his shields up fresh around his eyes. The ice from my voice slipped into him, I could tell.
"And you think I enjoyed it?" he asked. "You think it's a walk in the park?"
When I awoke, by my side was your face I've grown tired of seeing.
It's too much for you, all worn out.
"Why isn't it?" I asked. "You look as happy as a rose, Hee-chan. Life's paradise; I mean, you go from a soldier on the run, an assassin of the highest rank...and death count, to the lover of Relena Peacecraft, diplomat extraordinaire. Was the devil you used to run with not enough?" My voice faltered. "You didn't have enough, I suppose. Or you had enough fucks out of me, even if you had called it love at one point in time."
"Is this why you came, to berate me about leaving you?" Heero spat. I looked up, and hoped the tears I felt were only an illusion. "So I left you. Yeah, our love was past, Duo, past. We had different paths to take; we walked our own road and it was time to separate. We were comfort in the war..."
"No, Heero, you know what I came for?" I half-shouted. "I came to tell you again that I loved you, all right? I came to see you before everything became legal between you and that spoiled queen you have for a wife. I came, just for everything to be back the way it was, Heero, before you left. But, I mean, I suppose that love didn't survive the test of time on both sides. It was a futile mission from the start." I turned away so as not to look at Heero, see those unfeeling eyes. I knew I had made a mistake coming here. In my mind, it had always been an image of Heero rushing towards me, collapsing into my arms, as we mended the hurts between us. I guess by now I should have learned my imagination always lied.
"Do you think my love is gone, then?" Heero whispered. My gaze fell to the ground beneath me. "Duo, look up, it's not good to see you...I can't stand this! Do you honestly think that I don't love you? What..."
"One year was so long," I begged. Now it was my turn to reach for him, take his hand in my own. "I'm sorry if it offends you, but I couldn't stand it any longer. I had tried to get you out of my head, but nothing is ever enough." I waited for his words, that final dismissal; at least it would be something.
"I'm going to marry Relena, Duo," he said. "Why did you have to come back, bring those memories back? Don't you know that...that if I needed to choose, I would take your hand and run as far as I could. Duo, I do love you. But, I..."
"Why then?" I shouted. "Why'd you leave me for her? What, you afraid to be in love with an orphan rat who lives off running a scrap metal shop on L2, of all places? Afraid to accept your feelings, is that it? Or do you just love her more and don't want to tell me that to my face! Come on, just say it Heero! Say it!"
I guess I could say he said it. He grabbed my head and pushed my lips on his. The shock running through me, coupled with the thrill of having his lips on mine once more stopped me from fighting back, even if we were in public. I melted into his kiss, letting a few tears slip down my cheek. I had...I had seen this in my mind, felt his lips as I had remembered them, but it was nothing like this. His hands trembled as he held my face, and the moisture staining his cheeks slipped between our lips. His tongue brushed my lips, and I pulled away.
"Don't use me," I spat. Heero sat back, choking back the tears on his features.
"Can't you accept that maybe not everything I do is without love? I love you, Duo! Do I have to make it any clearer? Just listen for once. I haven't deserted you, so accept it, please! I beg you to only listen to me. I couldn't handle being brushed off...like that. Please, Duo, don't fade like that."
The cold night froze even the cold moon
The moon sank and lit up the cold sea.
Looking into Heero's eyes, I faltered, and my exterior failed. Here was the Heero I knew, confused, lost as he had been for those years of war. That was the Heero I had been drawn to, even loved. I turned away, out of shame at that figure. He...he was no longer mine, right?
"This was stupid," I whispered. "I'm just bringing back old demons, and now those should be gone. They have to be, for you to love your little princess, right Heero. I guess we could talk for a while, though, maybe...as old friends?" Heero cupped my face in his hands.
"I won't think of you as a friend unless I think of you as a lover. But, if you want to talk, I will accept that offer. But, maybe I can find a nicer place for us to talk then...well, this. I have a place in mind, if you don't care." My jaw must have dropped to the floor, for Heero burst into laughter, the deep sound reverberating through me. He stood in a quick motion, as he always had, and extended his hand. "Now, is this without love?" If I had been smarter, I would not have reached out for that hand, let him take my palm. But he whisked me from my seat and we were gone, hand in hand out of the door and down the street, pushing through the thinning crowds of people. In one instant, all hate dissipated, and once more I was by Heero's side, where I had believed my place was.
Be a flower, be a butterfly, prick me with the poison thorn
The sinful time can't destroy the hourglass,
The dream of primary colors spread out, the balance lost
The sinful feelings can't destroy the hourglass.
Heero turned a corner and we found ourselves in the higher-end part of town. Heero's destination was at the end of one corner, where a high-class hotel sat, the lobby lights comforting. We ascended the flight of stairs to the building. Heero gave a nod to the bellhop at the door as we entered the lobby. While I gaped at the plush carpets and high ceilings, arching up to a point at the ceiling, with columns on the walls, Heero strode forward to the counter and placed a reservation. I walked to one wall, covered in beautiful paintings, and marveled at the collection. All of the colors, mixing together, a perfect blend in a world of ideals. I wanted to bow to those works, seeing the artist's names below them, but a hand around my waist guided me away.
"Come on and stop gawking," Heero whispered in my ear. "This isn't that nice."
"You've seen better, then?" Heero chuckled and nuzzled my neck. Shivers ran down my spine. He ran his hands down my thighs and shoved me into the elevator. It was empty now, and Heero spun around to face me. His fingers traced circles down the material of my pants, and I groaned, reaching for him. I took his face in my hands and our lips met. Now there was no hesitation as his tongue begged for the cavity of my mouth again. I reached for the buttons of his shirt and almost had it off when there was a ding, and the elevator came to a stop. We pulled away, finding ourselves at the top floor. Heero gave me a sideward glance through half-closed eyes and beckoned for me to follow, using his shirt as bait as it trailed behind him. I followed, a grin plastered on my face.
"Well, this is a change in you," I said. "I think this is Heero I remember." Heero pulled a room key from his pocket and inserted it in the lock. But, faster then I could reach him, he was inside, with the key, and the door locked back. I pulled on the handle but it would not open. "Hee-chan, what's the idea?" Noises came from the other sides, a rustling of sheets. I banged on the door. "Come on, open up. What cha doing in there?" There was a swooshing sound, and something flew past my foot under the door. It was the key. I slipped it into the door and entered.
Heero was sprawled across the bed, a glass of wine in one hand. Sheets barely concealed his naked body, and he wore a small smile on his lips. The four-poster bed he sat in dwarfed him, being that this room was obviously one of the nicest suites in the hotel. He shifted his weight, and the sheets slipped off one of his legs. He took a sip of wine and studied me over the glass.
"Welcome, Duo Maxwell," he cooed. "Come, take off that coat. You look a bit hot in that. I approached the bed, and he pulled me down. I sat on the edge. He slipped the coat off me, wrapping his bare legs around me. I gasped as he rubbed against me, losing the sheet in the process so that his bare flesh was against me again. He slipped off my shirt, placing kisses down my back. "Isn't that better?" Heero laughed against my skin. He slid my pants off, along with my boxers, leaving me just as naked as he was. Then, Heero pulled away, scooting to the other side of the bed. I turned to find him straddling a large feather pillow. He grinned at me and slid along it, groaning as he did.
"How could you be so..."
"Seductive?" Heero laughed. "Well, I thought for once we should change our positions, you know." I grinned and pounced on him, throwing him backwards.
"Really now?" I said. I traced the lines of his collarbone with my lips. "In what ways?"
The wounds are too deep, I lose sight of what's before me,
Just watching that figure
My hands ran down his thighs, those well-muscled legs that had enticed me so many years before. This was a dream, I knew. It had to be a dream as I licked the skin of his stomach, and he groaned Japanese curses at me. He laughed and rolled over, forcing me to the bottom. His hands reached for my braid, and he pulled free my mass of hair. It stayed in the form of the braid, but not for long, as he crept off me. He threw a pillow at my face, and I sputtered, pulled away from my delirium. When I threw it off my face, a new enchanting sight greeted me. Heero slunk to one of the poles of the bed, rapping himself around it. I sat spellbound as he wove around it, my mind spinning. I could not even think that the man in front of me, enticing me, begging for me to come near to him was indeed going to marry Relena Peacecraft that I was anything but his lover. He reached for his cock and ran his hands down it. Those hands...they could be my hands because I was in love with Heero; I was the one who held his affections, the only one in his eyes. I sprang forward and threw him off the bed, tumbling to the floor with him. He laughed and cried, tears slipping from his eyes as our love-making became even more desperate. Yes, this was Heero!
"My lover," I whispered. "Just mine, Heero." He purred like a cat as I suddenly took his cock in my mouth. He let out a howl. Heero, I thought, yes, Hee-chan. You do love me, I know Heero. You are too faithful to a person to dare do this if you really loved Relena.
We won't need words if we can seek the night together.
We won't need love, to go to a darkness with no place to step.
But the moment was gone too soon. I pulled away, gasping, and Heero said nothing as he regained his senses. All I could think of was the angel in front of me, the way his chocolate locks of hair stuck to his face, how his long lashes closed over his eyes, the sweat glittering on his skin. Neither of us dared to move, me caught in the beauty of Heero, Heero lost in his own world. And it was in that one point in time I recreated a dream. Before, I had felt that this was a new time for both of us (and not just because of Heero's...previously unheard of actions). It had not felt like before, when our love was the only thing we had. But sitting there, waiting for him to say something, let me remember what it was like in the forests, on the run, sitting on a cot shaking half of the room with our lovemaking, even...even once in Deathscythe. Here, what was Relena but an object far off? We had the war, and ourselves, and our Gundams. Heero was...
"Duo?" Heero whispered. "Do you love me?" I sat up and looked upon him. He pulled himself into a sitting position.
"What?"
"Do you love me?" I stared, dumbfounded at him for a moment, before remembering to shut my mouth.
"Why would I say otherwise?" I said. "Of course I do, and you know that! I wouldn't have come all the way back here if I didn't feel something for you." Heero nodded, looking towards the floor. He picked at a piece of carpet, hiding his eyes with his bangs. What was this, now?
"I suppose so," he sighed. "You know, I love you, Duo. I always have and always will. Don't think my love is any less now that...well, some things cropped up in my life, Duo. It's not that I don't love you, not that at all! Just...I can't explain it to you right now, but due to certain factors, this is the only option I have. But, can you hear me out? You are...the light in my life, Duo..." I tilted my head, beginning to suspect something. I had not heard such...sap out of Heero, not even the first night he told me of his love. This was not like him at all. Either he was about to tell me something I would not love him for afterwards, or... "Every moment of looking upon you brings more joy to my life. I can barely suppress the love inside of me. It's all so beautiful, knowing you, Duo. You've made my life...I don't know. A bit hard, having to control myself, you know." He looked up through his bangs for the first time, and I saw a smirk on his face. There was only a fraction of a second before he pounced on me.
"So hard to control, just like now," he whispered. "Your turn," he laughed, and all coherent thought began to fade under Heero's hands.
Prick me with the thorn of a love, not loved and unable to love.
Writhing in agony, aren't you ashamed to be so indecent?
You'll never be the same again but pour the sweet saliva.
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That morning I woke to find Heero gone, but on the bed, where he had slept was a bracelet. There were two charms on it, one an angel's wing, the other a demon wing. There was no note, but it needed no words. That symbol was enough to speak volumes for both of us.
I departed that morning on the first shuttle I could find to L2. Obviously, someone had already paid for a flight, reserved under the name Duo Maxwell. I spent no more time in the Sanc Kingdom, and only looked back once. But that one time, I thought I heard on the wind a soft voice. Maybe it was a trick of my emotions, but I new I heard catch a few words in whispered Japanese, a confession. I stared across the landscape, as the shuttle lifted from the ground, and soon, that kingdom was far behind me as I sped into space, towards my final destination.
The bracelet was clenched tight in my hand.
Be a flower, be a butterfly, prick me with the poison thorn
The sinful time can't destroy the hourglass,
The dream of primary colors spread out, the balance lost
The sinful feelings can't destroy the hourglass.
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Well, the insert song throughout that was Audrey, by Dir en Grey. And if you haven't heard it, you need to. It's a great song! In fact, just listen to anything by Dir en Grey! They are so awesome! And as another note, the title of the story is also the name of a Dir en Grey song. It means "blue of the sun." Go listen to that too!
Please review! Comments would be much loved!
