Detention Essays
A/N- This one, admittedly, took some time to write. I had an essay all ready to scribble, and then, at the last moment, disaster struck. I couldn't write Wormtail successfully- I had no idea how! So, after deliberation, rereading the fifth book, smacking my head against the desk, here we have it. The penultimate detention essay.
0-0-0-0-0
Task: Write a 1000 word essay on why you should never egg certain people on to do immature jokes which cause more harm than amusement to others.
1000 words? How am I meant to write than much? I've never written an essay myself before- I have a self writing quill. Whoops, shouldn't have written that- Remus will kill me.
I wasn't really egging them on Professor, only saying that it could be a good idea to turn the main hall into a quicksand pit. Everyone's OK now, aren't they? Apart from Snape, but then, he was standing right in the centre of the pit! That was good- I mean, the bat bogey hex was brilliant.
Have you seen Molly Weasley's Bat Bogey hex? It's brilliant- except when she puts it on you- then it's not very good. Wish I could do it as well as her- but I won't be able to ever. I'm not that good at hexes. Sirius is though- you saw it, didn't you? You looked like you were laughing at Snivelly's face. He was panicking like anything, it was so funny!
I have to say, Professor, you never seem to try and stop us, do you? Or that's what Sirius said. He said you wouldn't be able to- we're too quick for you old people, so you stand and watch, unable to do anything as they wreak havoc, and I…. distract. I'm a good distraction, you know, very versatile. James says it's the only thing I'll ever be good at in life, and it's good to have a talent- especially one as useful as that.
The results were exactly as Remus said they would be, too. You, and all the other teachers, watch form the top of the stairs, unable to do anything as anyone and everyone gets sucked in- except for the Marauders, who have craftily put wingardium leviosa on themselves to stay out of harm- admittedly, mine was a bit wobbly, but it did work- thereabouts… Then, after around 3 hours, the quicksand would be removed; we'd all get detention again, and Lily would slap James for doing it in the first place. There's then apparently half a chance that James would ask Lily out- and he did, so Sirius got 6 galleons from all his bets. Remus is so clever to be able to think out that kind of thing, isn't he, professor? Someday, I'll be as brainy as he is.
These essay things are really hard to write. I'm glad I'm never done one before- my exam work would be really bad if I did it all on my own, wouldn't it? I'm not surprised Crabbe and Goyle are failing at the minute- their writing is really awful, isn't it professor?
But, this brilliant scheme is nothing compared to the next one that James and Sirius have cooked up! We're going to do it at the next quidditch match, cause complete mei… mayyhimm… mayhem! That's it. It's so simple, you'll never guess. All it is is a charm on the balls you see, but we don't know which one to use yet. We've got a couple of weeks though, so it'll all be worked out- in fact, we have a planning meeting every Monday (that's tomorrow), so we can work it out then.
Of course, we're (or they're) all kings of planning. Remus can always get us watch timetables, and calculate risk assessment, chance of success and what the worst punishment could be- but, as James said to us all last week- you're not going to do anything worse to us than these essays, but I don't agree with him on the easiness factor of it. This is the most horrible punishment I've ever had to do, including scrubbing Snape's bedpan last year- not very nice. I'm not very good at writing or anything, but I can do some transfiguration- you saw that goblet I made, didn't you? Nearly all the facial features had gone- it was a very pretty colour scheme though, the ginger fur. I never thought cats would become goblets, but mine did! It didn't like the wet though. That was unfortunate- it hurt a lot.
Oh, Professor, I can't think of anything else to write. Please let me finish there….
(NOTE: As Mr. Pettigrew very kindly gave away enough information to cause some serious trouble to his companions, he, unlike them, will not have to do another detention next week. We can now also detain them for some reason every Monday evening, as so to cause less wanton destruction through the school, therefore promising the students more safety as they travel to their lessons, and indeed, after school. M. McGonagall)
