Detention Essays

A/N- Well, here we are again- the end to another story. I hate ending things- but then, this couldn't go on for ever, I'd run out of rubbish jokes to throw in! As people have asked about there being a Snape one and I had no clue how to do it, I left it until last, but, with a splendiferous idea, here goes nothing!

Ah, before I forget, thanks, dudes, who so kindly told me they enjoyed my contribution. It means a lot to me… –sob-

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Task: In 1000 words or more, explain why dark magic that we don't teach at the school should not be used, even in self defence manoeuvres.

Dark magic, which is not taught at the school, should not be used even in self defence because you can never be sure whether you've taught yourself the spell right in the first place. However, having pored over these books for many a night I can assure you that I knew exactly what I was doing when I cursed that mudblood lover Potter (HEY! DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT MY FRIEND, GREASEPOT! P) To oblivion and back again. Even though he has not quite regained consciousness yet, give him a couple of weeks and he should be fine- not well enough for quidditch thoughmeaning we are sure to win.

(YOU'RE A POOR EXCUSE FOR A WIZARD, SNIVELLY, MY SHOWER-CHALLENGED SLYTHERIN- WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU…P)

Professor, I think you'll find that someone is using a protean charm to ruin my essay. (It's much better than that, Snivellus, just you try and take the charm off. No way is your essay going to count, with scrawling all over it- M)

However, since I knew exactly what I was doing, there was no risk to me, or anyone other than Potter, during the casting of the spell. In fact, it was completely foolproof, although, I could have struck the rest of their little group down too, if I'd wanted to (I'd like to see you try, Greasy- W), but this makes their suffering even worse, seeing as they're probably sitting holding Potter's hand in the hospital wing at the minute, praying for his safe return to consciousness (YOUR LIFE IS GOING TO BE HELL FROM NOW ON, SNIVVY-PANTS- P). He won't remember who he is, or where he is, but he'll be alive, which is enough for me.

An unexpected after effect of said spell was Evans though. Normally, she'll stand up to them, in my defence, so I was expecting a 'serve-them-right' approach. Sadly, the mudblood didn't deliver. Instead, I now have a mark on my cheekbone where she hit me. It didn't hurt- I mean, when has a girl's slap ever hurt anyone- especially a filthy mudblood like her (I'm going to get Lily over here, now you've said that. Let's see what our friend has to say about you- who, I might add, actually cried, with tears and everything, when she only tapped you- M), who can't hit to save her life. I heard about that detention she got- was it to teach her some better technique? I hope so- she definitely needs it.

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BE POLITE AND USE BRACKETS. SNAPE, YOU SNOTTY-NOSED GIT, EXPECT NO MERCY! NEXT TIME I SLAP YOU, YOU'LL BE IN THE HOSPITAL WING FOR A WEEK! WHEN I GET HOLD OF YOU!

(Sorry about that- Wormtail's just gone to calm her down. I'd hate to be in your position now, Snivelly, and I could say much worse than she ever could except for the fact that a professor will be reading this, and so I should show some decorum. However, later this evening… P)

Meanwhile Professor, I have a potion to finish, and an incapacitated student to laugh at. If you don't mind, I'll leave this document here for you to read, and I hope to see Potter's girlfriend and his group in detention some time soon- S. Snape.

(NOTE: Since I am fairly certain it was Miss Evans, Mr Lupin, Mr Pettigrew and Mr Black who were enchanting this piece of parchment, they will be in detention for the rest of this week. However, Mr Snape, for not finishing his essay properly, or even attempting to, will remain rewriting this work until it is up to a good standard. As well as this, for showing no remorse at his actions, he will also lose his time to write another essay on how to write a decent explanatory punishment essay for teachers.

As for the others, Albus, I've run out of good ideas to try and calm them down. I think a staff meeting is in order, to try and work out the next wave of defensive attack. Mr Potter, on this occasion, was not doing anything wrong when he was hit by the enchantment, so will remain in the hospital wing until completely recovered, with no repercussions- M. McGonagall)