Ezra sat in the kiddie pool of Blizzard Beach, which everyone else wisely avoided. As the ghost sulked, a haze surrounded him. In an instant, he was no longer wallowing in his personal toilet, but in the Underworld staring at Hades. "The name is Hades, Lord of the Dead. Hi, how ya doing?"

Ezra sprang up. "Hades! You've kidnaped me! Well, I happen to have the world's best lawyer on my side and we ain't taking this sitting down!"

Hades tried to calm the ghost down. "Hold on a second..."

Ignoring the god, Ezra did a genie-style transformation into a lawyer. "I'm my own lawyer! I say this man should have life in jail and have nude photographs of Esmeralda dangled in front of him but always too far away to make out the details!"

"What are you..." started Hades.

"I'm also the judge!" continued Ezra, transforming into a judge. "GUILTY!"

Ezra turned to Pain and Panic, who were walking in at that second. "Arrest him!" he cried, pointing to Hades.

"Uh...okay." The two imps started for Hades, who simply threw a few flames at them, sending the duo bouncing away painfully. "I never know what's going around here!" called Panic.

"Now that that little bit of holy crap weirdness is over," said Hades, "there's this deal people want to make with you."

Ezra jumped up again. "Like the deal you made with HERCULES! Well, my godlike strength is here to stay!"

Hades rolled his eyes. "No, it's about that hot girl you like."

Ezra glared at Hades suspiciously. "Her! Is this one of those things where I leave the Underworld but if I turn around, I see her and she's gone forever and then I regret it for the rest of my life and sing so sadly that everyone kills me and we can live together as shadows afterwards? 'Cause that's freaky."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. A little too much sugar there."

"Nah," said Ezra, "this is me depressed. You don't want to see on sugar."

"It's not me making the deal," explained Hades. "It's Ursula."

"Her? Weird, my memories of her movie are oddly hazy. Did she die by falling off of Big Ben?"

"Nah, that was the rat."

Ezra looked sad. "Mickey's dead? He never liked me, you know."

"Enough with the Disney jokes! Let's go make that deal."

"Okay." The two slowly floated upwards. "Can't we go any faster?" complained Ezra.

"She doesn't come out until night falls. We've got some time to kill."

"Oh." Ezra was silent for a while and then said, "Hey, does anyone else think that 'Mike's Supershort Show' is nothing but a crappy commercial with awful jokes and plugs that put the movies to shame?"

"Thank you. I hate it, too."

"That's comforting."

By the time they finally reached the surface, the sun had fallen. They were now on the stage of Fantasmic. Ezra couldn't help but notice that many evil Disney characters were there. "Ooh. A lot of villains here. Is this a set-up."

"No," chorused the villains.

"Just checking."

The stage shook. Ursula emerged from the water. Ezra stepped back defensively. "Hey, now I know who's been following me! It's you! You're a stalker! It's my manly ways and paraphrase, right?"

"Don't make me laugh," said the sea witch. "I know you're in love with that Cast Member."

Ezra smiled. "Yeah, I recently learned her name! Ariel!" (THERE YOU HAVE IT!)

"I HATE THAT NAME!" bellowed Ursula.

"Well," grumbled an insulted Ezra.

Ursula calmed down and leaned over to the ghost. "The way to get to her is to become human."

"But I'm a fictional undead character!" protested Ezra. "She's real! Well, she's technically fictional as well, since this is all a story, but that's besides the point. How do I become human?"

Ursula: I admit that in the past I've been a nasty

They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch

But you'll find that nowadays

I've mended all my ways

Repented, seen the light and made a switch

True? Yes

And I fortunately know a little magic

It's a talent that I always have possessed

And here lately, please don't laugh

I use it on behalf

Of the miserable, lonely and depressed

(Pathetic)

Poor unfortunate souls

In pain

In need

This one longing to be thinner

That one wants to get the girl

And do I help them?

Yes, indeed

Those poor unfortunate souls

So sad

So true

They come flocking to my cauldron

Crying, "Spells, Ursula please!"

And I help them?

Yes, I do

Now it's happened once or twice

Someone couldn't pay the price

And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals

Yes, I've had the odd complaint

But on the whole I've been a saint

To those poor unfortunate souls

"Soo..." Ezra smiled weakly. "Meken and Ashmen, huh? I've been singing that a lot lately. A few weeks ago when Gus had a life-changing 'Lion King' story there was a whole lot of Elton John. He scares us."

"Indeed," nodded Ursula.

"In fact," continued Ezra, "you remind me of him!" This resulted in a smack in the face from Ursula's tentacle. "What did I say? He was on the Muppet Show!"

"Here's how it goes," said the sea witch. "I turn you human for three days and she has to fall in love with you."

"Well, who couldn't?"

"More specifically, she has to kiss you. A kiss of true love. If the sun sets on the third day and she hasn't...you belong to me."

Phineas and Gus, who had been searching for Ezra, were listening. "Holy hatbox!"

"But if I become human, I'll never be able to work in the mansion again," said Ezra. Phineas and Gus nodded, before being kicked into the water by Scar's hyenas.

"Happens," said Ursula, ignoring Phineas and Gus. "Life's full of tough decisions. Oh, and of course there's payment."

"I've got some Disney dollars handy..."

"No, no, no! I need...your voice."

"My voice!" shouted Ezra. "What kind of payment is that? It's stupid and illogical! And another thing! Why is it always love's first kiss? Snow White and Sleeping Beauty had it, and Beauty and the Beast came pretty close. All of you witches and enchantresses think alike. How about she has to slap me on the butt or something? I'd be cool with that. And also---"

"THAT'S WHY WE'RE TAKING YOUR VOICE!" yelled the villains.

Ezra looked embarrassed. "Oh. Makes sense."
Ursula: The girls out there don't like a lot of blabber

They think a guy who's yapping is a bore

Yes, for them it's much preferred

For the men not to say a word
And after all, then what is idle prattle for?

Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation

In fact, you could say that they all hate

But they dote and swoon and fawn

On a male who's withdrawn

It's he who holds his tongue who gets his date

Come on, you poor unfortunate soul

Go ahead!

Make your choice!

I'm a very busy woman

And I haven't got all day

It won't cost much

Just your voice!

You poor unfortunate soul

It's sad

But true

If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet

You've got to pay the toll

Take a gulp and take a breath

And go ahead and sign the scroll!

This sea with finally got the ghost

The boss is on a roll

This poor unfortunate soul

Ezra signed the contract Ursula handed to him.

Ursula: Paluga, sarruga, come winds of the Caspian Sea...

"Aw, give it a rest!" hissed Hades. "We know you only do that chanting for show!"

"Fine." Ursula zapped Ezra, who was sent flying back to the mansion, sans voice. Phineas and Gus followed in a hurry.


Yes, I have taken the advice of Jase Andrews and named the Cast Member Ariel. It works, after all.