That morning, Mr. Bluebird fluttered over to the mansion. Standing before him was a human Ezra...who looked pretty much the same.
"Ezra!" cried the little bird. "You look different! Did you change your hat? Brush your teeth?"
"He's human, you idiot!" yelled Gus.
"Yeah! Ursula changed him," explained Phineas.
Mr. Bluebird studied Ezra. "You think she could have changed him into an ATTRACTIVE human?"
Ezra angrily shouted at the bird, but nothing came out.
"Oh yeah," remembered Gus. "She's got his voice, too." Ezra sighed.
"I don't think he'll be able to talk to Ariel now," realized Phineas.
There was a short pause. Suddenly, Gus yelled, "Wait, her name is ARIEL? We've been waiting half the story to hear her name, and they just named her ARIEL?"
Phineas shrugged. "It could have been worse. They could have named her Ted."
"That's a guy's name," said Gus.
"See? And that's how it could have been worse!"
Mr. Bluebird spotted a familiar attractive Cast Member walking down the path towards the mansion. "Hey, there she is!" He quickly scrawled something down on piece of paper floating by in the wind. "Don't worry, Ezra! I've written something for her! Just give Ariel this piece of paper."
Ezra scampered over and handed it to her.
"What did that say?" asked Gus.
"Southern pickup lines from the 1800's."
"He's about to die again," worried Phineas. Instead, Ariel and Ezra walk away, hand in hand, to the others' surprise.
"Good thing she has a sense of humor," smiled Mr. Bluebird. "See? I told you I knew what I was doing! You just gotta have Posituvity!" The bird happily flew off.
"What's that?" asked Phineas.
"Disney speak," replied Gus. "I ignore it."
"We should follow them. Something could easily go wrong."
Gus thought for a second. "If they go to Tomorrowland, we could spy on them from the Timekeeper."
"I heard they're replacing that with a Monsters Inc. ride," sighed Phineas,
"What does that have to do with the future!" exclaimed Gus.
"Maybe it's about the apocalypse when monsters will roam the earth."
"You gotta stop reading those pamphlets you find on subways," advised Gus. Suddenly, he stopped walking. "Speak of the devil."
"Yes we are."
"No, no, no! Look over there! It's Randall!" It was true. The scaly monster suddenly became visible and scared away the Cast Member working at the little gift cart outside the mansion. He then began to rip off the Hitchhiking Ghost plushes and destroy each of them.
"Oh yeah," said Phineas. "He was always jealous at how scary we were..."
(To the tune of "Les Poissons")
Randall: Stupid ghosts
Stupid ghosts
How I hate stupid ghosts
Wanna punch
Or just kick them away
So I find all these dolls
And I smash them on walls
And trust me
It delights me all day
Stupid ghosts
Stupid ghosts
Wanna zap
Wanna roast
And I throw the plushes to their doom
No, it's not the same thing
But it's satisfying
God, I love to hurt ghosts
Don't you?
Here's one thing to do that's my favorite
It's truly the best game I play
As I destroy 'em I stop and savor it
Then I slash through the skin
And I pour out the beans
Then I stick a bomb in
And blow it up (how mean!)
"What a jerk!" glared Gus.
Phineas suddenly had an idea that would have made Ezra proud. "Hey, let's get back at him! We have powers, too, after all!"
Phineas and Gus quickly shrunk down to the size of plushes and fell in front of Randall.
Randall looked down. "Well, what's this? I missed two. How unfortunate...for them."
Holy crap
What is this?
How on earth could I miss
A cute pair of innocent toys
Oh, pity
(For their sake)
I'll dunk them in the lake
It's a dirty one here
Okay, boys?
The thing 'bout ghosts I dread
Is that they're sadly dead
So I take it all out on these guys
So sad and what a loss
They'll be gone in one toss
See you later, small ghosts
And bye bye!
Randall held the ghosts over the lake where Tom Sawyer Island was located and prepared to dunk them when Gus hit him with his ball and chain. Randall dropped the ghosts, who grew to their real size.
"Oh yeah? Try and stop me now!" Randall turned invisible and attacked Phineas, beating up the poor ghost.
"Gus!" Phineas called weakly. "Use...the...force!"
"I'm sorta out of the force. Is this okay?" Gus splattered some black paint on the invisible Randall, so they could see him.
Phineas grinned. "This'll be fun!" Phineas and Gus rolled their cart at him, sending both the small shop and the monster into the dirty lake.
"We did it!" cheered Gus as they ran to find Ezra and Ariel.
"But we wrecked our cart," pointed out Phineas.
"But we beat Randall," said Gus.
"But we wrecked out cart."
"But we beat Randall."
"But we wrecked out cart."
"But we beat Randall."
"But we wrecked out cart."
"But we beat Randall."
"But we wrecked out cart."
"But we beat Randall..."
That was a lot of fun to write. I tried to make the "Les Poisson" song as twisted as it was in the movie (one of the best scenes!). What bugs me about many parodies of this is that the chef character inexplicably speaks French!
The term "Posituvity" is one of the songs in the upcoming Broadway musical of "The Little Mermaid."
