Greetings, etc. (much shuffling of feet, and staring at the floor) err… Small (very small) thing you should know. This chapter is definitely !canon. (the ! means non). Sorry. I mean, the last one was pushing the Fowl Files a bit, but understandable, if Julius didn't know her name, and Holly and Trouble hadn't met in several years. Maybe more. This one kind of establishes earlier friendships. Sorry. Very funny. In my opinion it's an excusable !canon, as it has no effect whatsoever on actual plot (so far), and is a minor detail. Sorry again.

Lots of love,

O.R.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the things I own. The things I own are the things not owned by Colfer. Colfer owns everything except the things I own. The things Colfer owns are the things I do not own. :) Try that one, all you people who think you're the next Artemis Fowl.


Holly shifted nervously, and then skittered down the hall to the tiny office she'd been assigned. Finally out of the Academy. Just when she'd begun to get used to it. And it wasn't exactly comforting to know that only twenty women had gotten out with passed tests, and a job. The rest had flunked miserably.

The men, on the other hand, were about two hundred. And of course, being new, she'd get pushed around. Being a woman didn't help.

"Hey…" laughed a voice behind her. "Look at that one. Wonder if she'd go out with me?"

More laughter.

Anger filled Holly, instantly banishing all nervousness. She spun around, glaring very hard. "Oh, so you think so, Vein?"

"That's Captain Vein to you, baby," laughed Vein parading around her in circles. He obviously didn't remember Holly. Or at least, didn't remember what her fists could do.

A second later, he found himself lying flat on his back. "You watch your mouth, Vein!"

Vein looked up, and started. "D'arvit!"

"Anything else?" asked Holly, leaning down, and jerking him to his feet. Her fingers were dangerously close to a fist.

Vein ducked out of her grip, backing away. "I— I apologize! No need to get angry with me, Short. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Quite wrong of me… Won't happen again!"

Holly gave him a shove, sending him flying backwards. "Yeah, whatever! Go on!"

There was another laugh behind her. "Hitting already, Holly?"

Holly scowled, setting her hand on her door. "Oh shut up, Trouble! I'm not in a good mood today! And Vein asked for it, which is quite obvious. And you're asking for it too now!"

"I know, I know," sighed Trouble, in mock meekness.

At either end of the hall, more and more people were stopping to watch, curiosity evident on their faces. It was not everyday that someone new— and a woman at that— knew the top men, and could knock Vein over with a single punch. What was more amazing, was that she had been able to get an apology out of him, and smart off to Kelp.

Holly opened her door, and went in, almost slamming it on Trouble's fingers. He managed to force open the door though, and after a moment of silence, slipped in behind her.

"Long time, no see, Holly."

"Yeah." She motioned him to the only other chair, and threw herself down in hers. "What now?"

"You aren't going to suddenly attack me are you? Not if I give you some healthy respect?"

For a moment, Holly just looked at him. Trouble squirmed uncomfortably under her gaze, and finally shook his head. "Never mind. Very stupid question. I know better than that, I promise."

He should. After the year they'd spent together at the academy, pursuing all kinds of mischief, and causing sort of mild disturbances, and committing minor infractions of the law. They had been partners in crime, and learned to trust each other for cover. "So," she said, glancing around the sparse little cube with a sigh, "is there any chance of getting into trouble here? You know… stirring up something interesting."

"They've probably already got a pool on you."

Holly sat up straight. "For what?"

"You caught a helluva lot of people's attention a few seconds ago. Vein is the big man around here now! When the current… well, knowing him, Root will probably never retire, but speaking hypothetically, Vein's the next big thing. He's a big hotshot. Not the prissy little angel he used to be. No one punches him. First time in a long time."

A grin was fighting with her mouth, and she lost her attempt to look cool. It came out in full-force, and she looked like an excited little freshman again. Trouble loved it. "That and, ah…" Trouble cleared his throat importantly, and made a show of brushing the front of his uniform off. "Don't think I'm bragging— just the facts, but you know me, and what's more you can get away with sassing me, which is saying something."

Holly rolled her eyes, and gave him that look. "Seriously, Trouble. You aren't that scary! When will people realize that?"

Not scary. Trouble gave her an injured puppy look, and was rewarded with a snort that said quite plainly that she wasn't buying it. "Come on Trouble. You're a lovable guy. What the hell is scary about you? You're definitely not a cutthroat backstabber. I'll bet you and Vein are best friends, and taking his position has never crossed you mind."

Trouble reluctantly admitted that this was true. Holly crowed. "Exactly! You see? So why should everyone else be scared?"

"It's my crunchball," said Trouble, and this time she could tell it was the real thing. "The police league has been a joke until our class came in. Vein's on it of course. A couple of other good guys from our year, but I'm center and starter. I've got the league record, and we might actually make it to the international tournament in Atlantis next year."

Holly nodded like she knew all of this, though she didn't, and got to her feet. "That makes much more sense. So you get the respect, because you're heading the team on its turn around."

"Yep. You can play, can't you?" He looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

"You cannot seriously tell me you don't remember getting your ass wupped during that one-on-one game last year? In which we made bets, and you hadn't realized I actually could beat you when you were playing all out? And it was a good thing, because the kids that showed up knew how you played? Do you remember that money? Good money." Holly leaned over the desk, and grinned at him. "Has the team started practice?"

Trouble nodded. "All year. In season. Out of season. Non-stop. We're now big." He shrugged with as much expression as he could possibly muster, which wasn't much, and also stood. "What do you think about wreaking havoc for a few hours, and then talking more about crunchball? You aren't going to get anything but mindless paperwork. After that, traffic. Nothing time-consuming, and you have room to mess with people."

"Good. You know I will."

He opened the door, and stepped out. "I'll cover for you if you need it, of course, though I tend to doubt it. Are you coming?"

"We're we going?"

"I've got a daily ritual. You need to know it so you can aid me."

It sounded good. Holly followed.

They proceeded to saunter down the hallway, putting on a show for anyone who cared to watch. (quite a lot of them, actually) Trouble and Holly whispered, looked around for any signs of authority occasionally, and continued with their conspiracy, much to the delight of their audience, which was rapidly growing, and showed no signs whatsoever of abating any time soon. In fact, it was probably going to attract unfavorable attention soon.

Trouble turned around, waving to everyone watching them. "Go ahead and go back to ah… pretending to work. You'll get the video."

"Video?" Holly tugged his head around, and pulled it lower. "You mean you're letting evidence survive? Haven't we gone over this before? If someone who shouldn't got a hold of it, we'd die!"

With a grin, Trouble held the lounge door open for her. "But this is different. You've heard of Foaly, right?" He waited for the nod, and continued, "He's on our side, of course. He hates Root too. I mean— dislikes him. No one really hates him. Strong dislike though. Anyway, he creates videos, turns them out every month after producer level editing, and if they fall into the wrong hands, they disappear. It's glorious. He even embellishes things perfectly. Nice music, nice effects, nice titles. Everything."

Holly laughed. "Seriously?"

"Of course!" He glanced around, quirking his eyebrows at a few people sitting at tables. On cue, they all found the wall very interesting, and turned around so they didn't have to watch. "That way they can't be called witnesses," explained Trouble, hurrying over to the coffee table.

"You don't drink coffee!" Holly gave him a confused look.

"No, but Root does." Trouble opened the coffee pot, and looked inside. "He had it set about fifteen minutes ago. There's nothing more agitating than appearing to find that you forgot the coffee and you're only getting hot water."

Holly wasn't paying attention to whether or not Julius got water or coffee. She slapped Trouble's hand away. "Wait! Does he take sugar?"

"Half the bowl," muttered Trouble, eyeing the heaping mountain of white crystals in the blue bowl beside the dispenser. "He's got to be seriously unhealthy by now."

"Perfect." Holly opened several cabinets along the wall, and then slowly withdrew a canister of salt. "Dump out the sugar, and leave the coffee alone."

Someone started humming to themselves across the room, and Trouble motioned for her to be quieter. "We don't want anyone dragged in for interrogation. Root's an intimidating person."

"Really?"

The thought of Holly knocking him over with a punch a few years ago made the intimidating comment seem a little bit questionable, and a smile rose to Trouble's face. "To most people then. You'd better hope he doesn't recognize you, or it'll be hell."

"For who?" Holly threw napkins into the trash to cover the sugar, and dumped the entire canister into the bowl, setting the spoon in at a jaunty angle, and stepping back to admire her work. "When will he come?"

Trouble glanced up at the clock on the wall and shrugged. "About a minute. We'll hear him."

"Right then. You can be in the act of taking out the coffee so that he'll be suspicious, but not of the sugar. Understand?"

From outside in the hallway, they heard someone that sounded like a cross between the below of a troll, and a duck. A moment later, they realized it was two persons, screaming simultaneously. The duck's squeaking ended first, and the bellowing continued. There was a loud crash, swearing, and Holly suddenly felt sorry for the poor soul stuck out there in the hallway with no means of escape. Run, she thought. Run or punch him! (she was hoping for the latter)

Before she could react, Trouble shoved her into a chair, and leaned over the dispenser, casually popping the lid.

The door flew open with a bang, and Holly suddenly noticed a large dent in the wall, that appeared to be on the verge of a hole. She had no doubt the bang happened regularly. Probably the result of a very bad temper, and too much shouting.

"Get the hell away from my coffee, Kelp!" The bellowing was back.

"Just checking it to make sure it was alright for you, sir. I wouldn't have wanted anything to be the matter with it, you know. You being so important, and all."

Julius Root shoved Trouble aside, studied the pot a few minutes, decided it hadn't been tampered with, and poured himself a liberal cup as he began his lecture. "Every Monday when I walk in here, Kelp, here you are, smug as a pimple on a goblin's bottom, humming to yourself, along with everyone else, a literal chorus of little bees. And guess what? My coffee— yes my coffee is no longer that. It has suddenly become hot water, thanks to you!" He began shoveling heaping spoonfuls of the salt into his cup.

A few feet away, Holly watched, fascinated, and hoped he'd put more in, as much as would dissolve before he took a drink. The shoveling continued, as did the lecture. "If I ever catch you in here again, Kelp, doing something like this, not only will—" Julius paused to stir the coffee before deciding it needed one last spoonful. "Not only will I call Internal Affairs about the unfortunate incident involving those swear toads in the water fountain, but I'll find it time for you to retire, without compensation!"

Trouble was silent.

"Understand?"

"Yes sir."

Julius mopped his sweaty face off with his hand. "Good then. Get back to work." He glared at Trouble a moment, and raised the cup to his mouth, slowly, slowly, he parted his lips and tipped the cup's contents down his throat. This was the moment they'd all been waiting for.

For a moment, nothing happened.

Then, very, very rapidly, Julius Root's face did a strange thing. It began to change colors. It went from a flushed pink, to a deep red, and then a purplish tinge, like a frosted grape, and then… a bluish color. By now, chords were standing out of his neck, and his eyes were a bit bulgy. Like a horizontal geyser, the contaminated liquid spewed forth from his mouth, showering the room in front of him for about five feet. (this included Trouble)

"What the bloody—" Here he choked, and this cut him off from speech. He did make good use of his fingers, however, and in polite terms, he basically told Trouble that whenever he managed to breathe again, Trouble would be royally screwed.

Trouble had not thought him capable of being able to grasp the more vulgar of finger motions so quickly and easily. As usual, Julius Root had been hugely underestimated. He did grasp them, and they came quickly and easily, and were very effective. As inconspicuously as possible, Trouble began to back away, smiling placatingly.

Of course, like most good ideas, it didn't work.

Julius finally managed to take a breath, and with his first ounce of air came back out a string of curse words that would have literally singed the hair on a dwarf's bottom. (and that's literally a carpet, there)

Holly took this as her cue to leave the area. With a naughty grin, she rose, waved goodbye to poor Trouble, and left the room, thoroughly pleased with herself, and convinced that what had just taken place would happen every morning if she could help it.


Heh heh. The next chapter will be lightly tied into this one. Same day, of course, though not about the salt/sugar. You'll see. You know, I think I'll write about the swear toads in Internal Affairs' water fountain. What do you all think? Oh, and I am now on the favs list of over 50 users. Thanks you guys.

You who do not review: Your evils will condemn you on the day of judgment. :)