Everything you know is wrong
Part 3: Best of friends
By: Neko Kaemon AKA Not that weird guy staring in your window

Ranma-chan walked atop the fence on her way back from another excruciating day of school.

"Akane Tendo! Prepare to die!" Ranma-chan jumped off the fence, expecting Ryouga to start attacking her, but was surprised when Ryouga jumped over her and landed in front of Akane.

Akane looked at Ryouga and smiled at him, "Oh, nice to see you P-chan, finally find your way back here?"

Ryouga growled and lunged at Akane, "Don't you dare call me that!"

Akane dodged to the side and spun around and kicked Ryouga into the fence. "Going to have to do better then that P-chan."

Ryouga once again lunged at Akane, but was stopped as Ranma-chan grabbed him by the back of the shirt. "Whoa, calm down P-chan, no need to freak out."

"R-r-Ranma! What are you doing here?" Ryouga stammered as he pulled himself from Ranma-chans grasp.

"Walkin' home with Akane. What are ya doing here P-chan?" She stated, and trying not to get groped in the middle of the street, she thought.

"Oh, well, uhh, I came to give you these things!" Ryouga reached inside his pack and pulled out three packages and handed them to Ranma-chan.

Ranma-chan looked over the packages, and after deducing that they weren't going to blow up put them in her school bag. "Thanks P-chan."

Ryouga put on hand behind his head an laughed slightly, "Your wel… come… wait! Why did you call me P-chan!"

"Ya know, small black little pig." Ranma-chan made a little square shape with her hands to demonstrate the pigs size. "The one you turn into."

"W-who told you!" He gasped, staggering a back a few steps. No! All my dreams ruined! He mentally screamed at himself.

Ranma-chan stared at Ryouga for a moment, What the heck is he freakin' out about? She puzzled. Oh yeah, this place is different then normal. Wait, Akane knows about P-chan, but I don't? That's odd. "Oh well, I kinda figured it out for myself. Yeah, uhh figured it out for myself."

"Your not going to kill me because of it?" Ryouga questioned.

"No, no real reason at kill ya." Ranma-chan looked up from Ryouga to see Akane sneaking up on the lost boy with a large mallet, "Hey, Ryouga."

"Uhh, what?" Ryouga asked.

"Behind ya." She said pointing behind him.

Ryouga spun around and ducked underneath Akanes mallet just a spit second before she swung it. He tightened his grip on his umbrella, and swung it at Akanes' legs and knocked her directly off her feet and onto the ground.

Akane quickly recovered and jumped back a few feet, "Come on P-chan! You're going to have to do better then that!" Akane sprung at Ryouga and punched him in the stomach sending him back, once again knocking him into the fence. She ran up to him once again and punched strait up, knocking him into the air and out of sight. "Whoo! That was fun, not often Ryouga comes around." she then turned to the redhead, "So, what was the pig freaking out over again?"

Ranma-chan reached into her bag and pulled out the three packages, "Oh Ryouga? He just was giving me some stuff, these packages, that's all." She then shoved the packs back into her pack and started to continue her trip back to the Tendo Dojo. "Come on, lets get back."

Less then thirty seconds later, Ranma-chans walk home was once again interrupted, this time by a purple haired Chinese Amazon running towards Ranma-chan from the back. "Ranma! You steal Mousse from Shampoo! I kill!"

"Huh?" Ranma-chan looked back to see Shampoo running at her holding a large sword. "Gah! Shampoo!" The redhead dodged to the side as Shampoo ran past her. "What do ya think ya doin' with that thing!"

Shampoo pointed the sword directly at Ranma-chan, "You steal Mousse! For that, Shampoo kill!"

"Whoa, whoa! Shampoo, I ain't tryin' to steal Mousse from ya, I don't want anything to do with him!" Ranma-chan just wanted to throw up at the thought of her trying to steal Mousse, another guy, and from Shampoo none the less.

"Oh Ranma! How can you just ignore my love!" Ranma-chan whipped around to see Mousse standing on the fence only a few feet away.

Ranma-chan growled at Mousse, "That's 'cause there is none!"

"Ranma! Stop talking so Shampoo can kill you!" Shampoo thrust the sword toward Ranma-chan, who jumped into the air and landed on the sword. The Amazon reached behind her and pulled a second sword from its strap and took a slash at the redheads legs.

Ranma-chan jumped off the first sword and landed easily on the second one and used it like a spring to launch herself onto the fence. Ranma-chan jumped down from the fence and waited for Shampoo to do her next attack, which was another attempt to cut her in half one way or another with a sword. Ranma-chan ducked under the first sword and slid to the side dodging the second one, she then shot her hand out and grabbed onto the hilt of one of the swords and quickly pulled it out of the Amazons hand. She then parried the next attack with the sword she had just gained and pulled the second sword out of Shampoos hand. "Ya got no weapon now, so what ya gonna-" Ranma-chan was launched into the air by a hit to the midsection by a large metal baseball bat that Shampoo had pulled out.

"Home run!" Shampoo yelled as Ranma-chan flew threw the air.

Mousse jumped onto the rooftops and followed Ranma-chan as she flew through the air, "No! I'll catch you Ranma!" He made one final leap and caught the falling girl, and landed in a tree. "At least I caught you." He said as he pulled himself into a sitting position on one of the branches, still holding Ranma-chan.

"Uhh, yeah, thanks Mousse." She then tried to move away to get down the tree, when she realized that Mousse was still holding onto her. "Hey Mousse, could ya let go so I can get down?" Mousse nodded and let go of the girl, "Hey, where's your glasses?" Ranma-chan asked as she pushed herself onto a nearby branch.

"Glasses? What are you talking about?" Mousse asked, a confused look on his face.

Ranma-chan waved her hand in front of his face, "You mean you don't wear glasses, have never worn glasses?"

"Nope." Mousse said.

Ranma-chan nodded, "Ok, just one more thing."

"What?" Mousse asked.

"Get your hand off my butt!" Ranma-chan then punched Mousse strait out of the tree and into the sky. The redhead then weaved her way through the tree branches and jumped down to the ground.

"Ranma! Shampoo kill!" Ranma-chan looked over to see Shampoo once again charging at her with the two swords.

Ranma-chan prepared to attack when two figures jumped in front of her and Shampoo suddenly went flying into the tree she had just jumped out of.

"Stay away from Ranma!" Ryouga yelled at Shampoo, who was pulling herself to her feet.

Mousse launched chains out of his robes that tied Shampoo to the tree, "Or do we really have to hurt you?"

Suddenly a large metal object slammed into the chains breaking them. Ranma-chan instantly recognized the large metal object as a spatula, and her eyes were quickly drawn to the girl holding the spatula in the bright pink dress, "Don't you dare hurt my Sham-chan!"

"Shampoo not pervert girls Sham-chan!" Shampoo yelled at Ukyou as she pulled the chains off her.

"How can you just deny our love like that!" Ukyou whined at Shampoo.

Shampoo growled at the girl then yelled at Ukyou, "Because Shampoo never love pervert girl in first place!"

"B-but what about that one time in th-" Ukyou started to say but was cut off by Shampoos' yelling.

"That only happen because pervert girl drug Shampoo and take Shampoo there!" Shampoo then turned to face Ryouga, Mousse, and Ranma-chan, "Now you go somewhere else! I have to kill Ranma!"

Ukyou hoisted her spatula up onto her shoulders, "But isn't there something I can do for you?"

Shampoo hung her head and sighed, "Fine, fine, you help kill Ranma!"

"Fine by me, its what I came here to do in the first place anyway." Ukyou said tightly gripping her spatula.

Ranma-chan looked over at the two girls that were ready to try and kill her, "Hey Ryouga, Mousse, could ya, oh, get rid of these two, I really have ta go somewhere."

"Sure! Anything for you Ranma!" Both said in unison, which really freaked Ranma-chan out.

"Err, yeah, you two have fun with this, see ya." Ranma-chan quickly ran away from the area and towards the Tendo Dojo as fast as she could, hearing the sounds of the four fighting for a short while before she got out of range.


Ranma-chan stared up at the night sky from her spot on the roof. "Stupid Kasumi." She muttered to herself, "She just had to 'accidentally' break the water heater this morning, and how unusual it is that the stove and microwave just happened to 'break' today, haha, she deserves what I did to her dinner." Ranma-chan scoffed.

"Bwee!" Ranma-chan looked over to see a small black pig wearing a bandana sitting a few feet away from her.

Ranma-chan reached out and grabbed the small pig, "Hey P-chan, ya aren't gonna try to attack, kill, or grope me are ya?"

The black piglet shook its head and made a few squealing noises.

"That's good." Ranma-chan then sat the pig down by her head, "Hmm, tired." She muttered, and then a few moments later fell asleep.


Ranma-chan slowly opened her eyes, and noticed that she had fallen asleep on the roof, and that currently there was a small black pig on her stomach. "Great, I fell asleep on the roof, and with Ryouga none the less. Hmm, I guess it's better then waking up to Akane with her hands in either my shirt or pants." The girl grabbed Ryouga by the bandanna and carried him though the window and into the house. Seconds later she entered the kitchen where she was confronted by Akane, asking her where she was last night and what she was doing with P-chan. "Akane, calm down, I fell asleep on the roof, and P-chan just happened to show up." Ranma-chan walked over and set P-chan on the couch, "Stay, I'm going to go change, I'll be right back." Ranma-chan the walked towards the bathroom, leaving P-chan and a very irate looking Akane in the same room together.

Moments later, Ranma stepped out of the bathroom, with a clean set of clothing on, and a male body. "Ha! The water heater wasn't 'broke' for very long!" Ranma walked back into the room where he had left P-chan, to see him and Akane fighting each other, P-chan latched onto Akanes' arm, which Akane punched P-chan trying to get the pig off. Ryouga, after being finally knocked off of Akane, turned and looked at Ranma, and suddenly jumped at him in a fashion that Ranma was very used too. His hand shot out and caught the black piglet by the bandanna and held him at arms length. "Can you say mood swings?" Ranma asked Ryouga, before tossing him outside the window and into the Tendos' backyard.

Moments later Ranma was at the table eating breakfast for the first time in days, peacefully.

"Umm, Ranma, have you, uhh, seen Kasumi?" Nabiki asked as she slowly at some food.

"Yeah, last I checked she was still asleep, must want to sleep in today." Ranma said, then continued to shove food in his mouth. Hmm, that brand of sleeping pills really does work well, I'll have to remember that. He thought happily as he finished eating. "Well, I'll see ya at school." Ranma jumped up and grabbed his bag and was soon on his way to school.

Moments later Ranma entered the school grounds, and instantly recognized Shampoo leaning against the wall waiting for him. "Aww crap, do I havta deal with this before school?"

Shampoo looked over at Ranma and quickly pulled out the same two swords the had unsuccessfully tried to kill him with the day prior. "Shampoo kill you, and no mess up like last time!"

"Yeah! Me too!" Ukyou said jumping down from inside a tree.

Shampoo turned and yelled at Ukyou, "Shampoo thought she tell pervert girl to no follow Shampoo!"

Ukyou looked at the ground and kicked the dirt, "But you looked like you needed help." Ukyou then pulled her spatula off her back and looked towards Ranma, "Besides, I still have to kill him for stealing my loves away!"

"Shampoo not your love!" The Amazon screamed.

"But what about Kodachi and Akane! He's keeping them from me too!" Ukyou stated and then turned to face Ranma, "Now its time for you to die!"

Both Mousse and Ryouga both jumped down in front of Ukyou and Shampoo, "No! We must be the ones to kill Ranmas' male side, so his female side will be free!" Ryouga yelled as he pointed at Ranma.

"You two idiots! Killing male Ranma not free female Ranma! Just kill Ranma completely." Shampoo explained to the two.

Mousse shook his head, "No! It's true, all we must do is kill his male side, and his female side will be free to come with us!"

"You're going to share her? Ohh, neat, I like that idea!" Ukyou said, looking over at Ranma who's face clearly showed disgust.

"No, not that. After will kill male Ranma, me and Mousse will have a duel to the death, and who ever wins, gets Ranma." Ryouga explained to Ukyou.

"Shut up all of you! Shampoo have an idea, why don't all four of us kill Ranma, as a male, that way we all get what we want." Shampoo said smugly, hoping that she could finally get on with killing Ranma, and hopefully get back in time for a little breakfast.

"Right." Ukyou, Mousse, and Ryouga all said at once.

"Aww come on! That's four on one!" Ranma pointed out.

"You've handled worse Ranma." a familiar voice said from behind him, the voice of Tatewaki Kunou.

"Ahehe, you're back." Ranma said, slightly nervous about the possibilities of what could have happened to Kunou when everyone changed.

Kunou walked up and patted Ranma on the back, "Yes! Me and Kodachi went on a short notice vacation, a cruise actually, very peaceful, so how have things been going around here?"

Ranmas' brain temporarily shut down for a moment, before coming back to reality a few seconds later, "Oh, uhh, things have been weird." He said, still shocked from what he had just heard.

Kunou reached to his side and unsheathed a katana, "Would you like some help?"

Ranma nodded, "Uhh, sure."

Kunou smiled and turned around, "Hey! Yeah, he said we can help! Lets kick their butt!"

Two blurs jumped up from behind a wall and landed next to Kunou, one instantly recognizable as Kodachi wearing what looked to be normal clothing, and the other was, much to Ranmas surprise, Tarou. "Oh yes, I forgot to tell you, Tarou also joined us on our trip. Sorry about not telling you, you were probably wondering where we all went."

"Hah, Ranma you always attract good fights. Now come on, lets whip these guys." Tarou said, cracking his knuckles.

"And none of you take Ukyou, I want to beat her up myself for that time she tried drugging me." Kodachi angrily stated.

"So Tatewaki, any preferences to who you want to get?" Tarou asked the katana wielding swordsman, "'Cause I'm impartial, I'll take anyone of them."

"I suppose I'll take the purple haired one." Tatewaki said, pointing to Shampoo, "That way one of you don't have to fight her without a weapon."

"Ok, I'll handle the freak with the endless pockets." Tarou then looked over at Ranma, "That leaves you to take care of the pig."

Ranma smiled, "Now that I can do!" Maybe having these people actually on his side for once, wasn't too bad. Ranma thought was he looked over at the three.

"Hey! Enough stalling over there, can we get on with killing you now Ranma?" Ryouga yelled at the group.

"Yeah yeah, lets get this over with P-chan." Ranma taunted, and of course Ryouga jumped at Ranma in anger, his umbrella drawn. The pigtailed martial artist simply jumped into the air and watched as Ryouga went under him.

Tatewaki charged at the sword wielding Shampoo and was quickly forced to block as Shampoo tried to cut him strait down the middle with one of her swords. Tatewaki quickly maneuvered his katana and flipped one of the swords out of the Amazons hands and sent it about fifty feet away. "There, now its even."

Ukyou ducked under a kick that was thrown by Kodachi, "Oh Kodachi! Why can't we just stop fighting, and you admit your love for me!"

"That is because I have no love for you, you pervert!" Kodachi yelled as she dropped low to the ground and kicked Ukyous' feet out from under her, knocking the girl to the ground.

Tarou dodged to the side, avoiding the barrage of small knifes that were thrown at him, then ducked underneath some chains that the robed martial artist had thrown at him. Tarou shot his arm upwards and grabbed one of the chains, he yanked the chains back and pulled Mousse towards him, Tarou spun the chains around with Mousse still attached, and then smashed him into the ground. "Aww come on duck boy! You have to do better then that!"

"Shut up!" Mousse jumped up and with surprising speed kicked Tarou in the stomach, sending him flying back and smashing into Shampoo.

Shampoo kicked Tarou off of her, "Stupid boy stay off Shampoo!"

Tatewaki took the opportunity of the Amazon being distracted and smashed Shampoo in the side with his katana, sending her sprawling across the ground.

Ranma turned just in time to see Tatewaki smash into the girl with his katana, and was mortified. But there was something off about what had just happened, like no blood had spewed out of Shampoo. Ohh, it's a reverse blade. Ranma finally realized, just as Ryouga tried to smash the umbrella into his face. "Eep!" Ranma squeaked out just before he barely managed to duck underneath the umbrella.

Not to far away, Ukyou and Kodachi were still fighting, but it was obvious who was winning, Kodachi.

"Why!" Ukyou swung the spatula at Kodachis' feet, "Don't!" She slashed at her head, missing again, "Just get!" She then tried to smash Kodachi, but missed again, "Hit!" Ukyou swung it with all her strength, missing Kodachi, but ramming her spatula into a nearby tree.

"Night night Ukyou." Kodachi said right before she knocked the girl unconscious with a hit to the head. Kodachi then had to jump back quickly as Shampoo suddenly went flying right past her and smashed into the ground, also unconscious.

"Not even a challenge." Tatewaki said, sheathing the katana.

Tarou jumped back next to Tatewaki, "Hey Tatewaki, I got a plan to get both the idiots at once."

Tatewaki looked over at Ranma who was now fighting both Mousse and Ryouga, "How?"

Tarou smiled and pulled out a glass of water. "Splash Ranma, they stop attacking, we kick their butts while they're distracted."

Ranma kicked Ryouga in the stomach and turned around and punched Mousse in the chest multiple times. Both recovered quickly and jumped at Ranma, when suddenly a splash of cold water flew and hit Ranma directly in the face. Mousse and Ryouga stopped practically in mid-air and fell down to the ground, and Tarou, Tatewaki, and Kodachi pounced in the two and beat them into unconsciousness in their dazed state.

Ranma-chan looked around at the destruction and bodies scattered about the area. "So," Ranma-chan clapped her hands together, "who's up for ice cream?"


Neko Kaemon: MISSION COMPLETE! BUWAHAHAHAHA... Ok, I've been watching too much Bleach. (Though Don Kanonji rules)
NOTE: I AM NOT DONE, I am refering to being done with the chapter, not the story. Sheeh.
Anyway, I got a review that mentioned the story title, and sugested a change, well, thanks for the idea, but I actualy got the title from a Weird Al Song, "Everything you know is wrong."

'Everything you know is wrong Black is white, up is down and short is long And everything you used to think was so important Doesn't really matter anymore Because the simple fact remains that Everything you know is wrong' Is a small sample of the song, so ya, thats why I chose to call it what I did. Heh, and once again, thank you all who reviewed, they are much apreiciated!