Everything you know is wrong
Part 4: Tunnels
By: Kaemon AKA That person who hasn't been here in what, a year?

It was not exactly what you would call abnormal for Ranma-chan to be placed in an unwanted situation; in fact it was rather on par with her life, at least at the moment. Whether it was a demon god, another rival or fiancé, and even his own mother, Ranma-chan had been able to handle her life with only a few small problems. Though every once and a while one of her small problems would get to her, annoy her, or generally make her feel like it was a living hell. This problem was one of those problems. She had gone with her newfound friends, Kuno, Kodachi, and Taro, down to get some ice cream after the hellish events that had recently taken place. She then set out to explain the situation she was in to her friends, this went relatively well and she gained some sympathy from them, as well as seeing them slightly disgusted at their other selves actions. As enjoyable as her talk with the two of them were, all fun things must come to an end, and what better people to ruin that, then Ryouga, and Mousse.

"Ranma-chan! My love! I shall save you!" Mousse yelled as him landed in front of Ranma-chan, "Look! I have finally found the cure!" He reached into his robes, five seconds later, his hands were still in there, twenty seconds later, his entire arm, one minute after the whole charade began, he had apparently disappeared inside of his robes, much to Ranma-chans amusement. "Ah-ha! Found it!" He said triumphantly as he popped out from the inside of his robes, holding a small bucket and a ladle. Then in one swift motion he pulled out the ladle, filled it with water from the bucket and splashed her with the water.

"You…" Ranma-chan glared directly at Mousse. "Let's see how you li—"

"Don't worry my love! I shall save you!" Ryouga called out triumphantly as he suddenly appeared behind Ranma-chan and poured hot water from the magical kettle, the opposite of the ladle. This of course changed Ranma-chan, into Ranma-kun, which was not something that Ryouga intended to do. Now, he knew that Ranma would be locked by the ladle and of course his life is devoted to trying (not necessarily succeeding) in making Ranma happy and to make her love him, so he got its cure, but at the same time he despises Ranma's male form. This leads to an internal conflict of epic proportions, at least for him.

Mousse reeled back in shock at the sight of Ranma-kun, "This travesty must be undone!" He proclaimed as he once again threw water at Ranma, changing him into her.

While this event took place, the internal conflict of epic proportions, let us call this iCep from now on, had seemed to resolve itself. Ryouga had decided that while he did not want Ranma in her male form, it would make her happy for her to be able to become a he, so if he undid the lock on her, she would become a he which would cause her to be grateful to him so she would stay a she and not become a he and be with him. Somewhere along the line, this idea made sense to Ryouga and now he was determined to undo the lock, one again.

Mousse was shocked as he saw Ryouga unlock the curse for the second time, determined now; he threw the water on Ranma, only to see Ryouga undo it once again. This repeated again and again for the next few minutes.

Ranma-chan sighed as the water continued to be thrown at him from the two. "Of course the magical items have unlimited amounts of water, wonderful." Ranma sighed once again, and began walking away, "Look you two," Ranma-chan said backing away and then turned to face them both, "can't you both be idiots somewhere else?" Ranma-chan stood there for a few seconds, water hits her, and she becomes he, "Guess not."


"Will you two give it up already?" Ranma-chan yelled as she stood at the door of the Tendo household.

"Uh, why?" Mousse asked, obviously oblivious to how annoyingchanging bodies every ten seconds could be.

"I hope you both get eaten!" Ranma-chan screamed at them as she grabbed both of them and proceeded to launch them into the air. Smiling she watched as the two of them landed, far, far away from where she was. This was when the simple fact that she was female hit her, female because the cold water of a magical bucket had hit her, and its only cure was a magic kettle. She possessed neither of these items, and had just thrown the two people who did possibly more then five miles away. "Whatever." She mumbled to herself, "I'm going to take a bath and go to bed." She then quietly laughed to herself, "It's not like it matters anymore really, I've obviously gone insane, and am now sitting in a nice white room." She stood in thought for a few seconds, "No wait, this is real, my life could never be that easy."


"We must be watchful in order to protect this city! Isn't that right Steel Panda?" The Blazing Steel said to his panda partner.

"You will soon learn that protecting something as large as a city can be rather, dangerous, I would say." The screeching voice said from behind the two.

The Blazing Steel turned to face his most dangerous and feared opponent. "So we meet again, you old crazy Chinese woman!"

Cologne gave a dry laugh, "This time you will not escape my wrath!" She screeched as dozens of vines shot up from the ground and entangled the two heroes. "Now, where was I…" She sat herself down on the ground and seemed to stare blankly at the sky, "Oh yes, why, back when I was 12 years old-"

"Nooooooooooooooooo!"


The next morning arrived too quickly for Ranma-chans taste, though after the prior day no one could quite blame her. As she sat amidst the hot water that filled the tub she began to think once more about how she got into this mess and how she would get herself up. She came up with answers for neither of these questions, and just opted for slowly sinking into the water until fully submerged. Well, at least until she remembered that she needs air. "Gah!" She yelped as she pulled her head above the water. "Wonder if I'll ever get back." She slowly began untying her hair. "Not like it really matters, either way these people have some serious issues, now they are just a bit more out in the open. Though I can say I'm more used to the way things used to be. But ya know, that's the way my life works, things start to get normal, and suddenly it's screwed up again." Leaning her head on the side of the furo she stared up at the ceiling, "Of course all this talkin' to myself probably isn't helping much."

The sound of something crashing through the door was heard by Ranma-chan, and the next thing she knew her mother was screaming something incoherently at her. No matter what the cause of this was, it probably wasn't in favor of the red head.

"Oh Ranma!" She finally said coherently, "I'm so glad you've finally decided to ditch that awful male form of yours!"

Ranma-chan jerked upright opened her mouth to speak, closed it, stared at her mother for another moment and then finally spoke, "Eheheh, look mother." Ranma-chan said cautiously as she pushed herself away from her mother and onto the other side of the tub, "This is all one big understanding. I really haven't given up my male form."

Nodoka stuck her finger into the water, testing its temperature, "It feels rather hot to me, definitely enough to change you."

"Well ya see mother, Ryouga he-" Ranma-chan began, but was cut off at the mention of Ryouga.

"Ryouga! Really! Such a nice boy. You should marry him." Nodoka happily declared.

"Nah, no, that would never work! Ranma-chan probably couldn't handle that sort of thing; I don't believe she has the mental capacity to do that." Kasumi said as she stood on the edge of the tub, wearing only a small blue bikini and carrying the katana.

"What are you implying? That I can't handle something like a relationship?" Ranma-chan said jumping to her feet and, to the best of her ability, looked Kasumi in the eyes.

Kasumi gave a rather disturbing snort like laugh, "I'm not implying anything! I'm directly stating that you probably couldn't handle even a simple date with a guy!"

"Is that some sort of challenge?" She demanded.

A cruel smirk formed on her face, one that somehow sent a chill through Ranma-chans bones. "Of course, do you accept?"

"No way am I backing down to you! Of course I accept!" Of course, less then one second after stating this, Ranma-chan instantly regretted it.

"Wonderful!" Kasumi then reached out and grabbed Ranma-chans hand, pulled out a ink pad, pushed Ranma-chans finger on it and whipped out a long piece of paper and stamped her finger on it.

"Is that contract even valid!" Ranma-chan yelled as she ripped her hand away from Kasumi.

Kasumi waved the katana in front of Ranma-chans face, "Of course, as long as I have this and am stronger then you, of course."

"And another thing," Ranma-chan said pointing her finger towards the door, "How did you get in here, you didn't come through the door!"

"Tunnels."

"Tunnels?"

"Tunnels." Kasumi stated once again, and jumped backwards landing in a hole in the middle of the floor; one that Ranma-chan swore wasn't there when she entered the room.

Ranma-chan stood there looking at the hole for a few moments. "I believe I hate Kasumi now." She then turned to her mom, who was still sitting there smiling at her.

"So." Ranma-chan could almost see the hearts in her eyes, "How about you take Ryouga?"

"That's it! I'm drownin' myself." Ranma-chan said as she sunk back into the tub.


"Bah, I suck at trying to kill myself." Ranma-chan said as she slipped back into her room, wearing a robe of course, though it lacked the neon pink color her mother had tried to get her to wear. "Now all I have to do is find a way to get that stupid kettle, get outta the stupid contract, and kill myself and/or put things back to normal. Which ever option is easiest." Then out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a small back animal which was distinctly pig shaped, and what other pig shaped being did she know other then the famed Ryouga Hibiki himself? "You." She ran over and grabbed Ryouga before he had any chance to get away. "Tell me now, where is that stupid kettle!"

'My good old buddy Herb has it back' The sign which Ryouga now held stated.

"Since when did he use signs?" Ranma-chan thought to herself, "Arg! Now I'll have to do all that crap just to get it back! To make things worse, because of you and Mousse I now have a stupid contract I have to deal with! Don't try saying its not your fault! Because it is!" Ranma-chan shook the pig. "Don't you talk back to me!" Though she had said this, Ryouga had not yet actually written anything down. "And stop laughing! It's not funny!" Once again, Ryouga did not think it was funny, nor was he laughing at her.

"Obviously she's gone over the deep end. Poor girl." Ryouga thought as he was continually shaken by the enraged red head. "It must be Mousse's fault. Don't you worry my love! For I now vow to never aid nor team up with Mousse ever again!" As touching as this sentiment was, Ranma-chan can't read minds, and if she could, it probably would have just annoyed her more. "Wow, she's still ranting. I don't even think it's about her problems now."

Ranma-chan was now jumping up and down screaming half the time, "And infomercials! Who cares! I mean, do you know anyone who buys from those things! I don't!"


Kaemon: You know, a year can pass, really, really quickly. And as one sits there intending to get back to something, somehow the final year of high school or college classes tend to get in the way sometimes. Or possibly making a comic, or other things. Either way, it was weird. I actually started writing again and wrote this thing in one day, ya know. Albeit, it involves parts from beta chapters I tried writing dozens of times over the year. It just would never work out, ya know. It just started, then stopped, erased, and over and over again this happened. So It just hit me today as I sat in the college library what to do, so I did it… that's about it. And know I really know what to do, so yeah, I'll be doing this.