Rating: T some swearing
Tears from the Heart
By Nymphe
Summary: The men take her for granted. Kaoru suffers in her soul and heart, but she never shows it. The last drop falls and Kaoru loses herself. (Based on "Kaoru, Ecstatic", eps #66)
PART II – TORTURED SOULS
(Normal POV)
At the Kamiya Dojo
"Hey, is anybody here? Oh there you three are. You look like someone died…"
"Shut up, Kitsune."
"Kaoru's missing."
"Oh, the sweaty little girl went away. Hohohoho. Couldn't take the criticism."
"What criticism are you talking about, Megumi-dono?"
"Didn't you hear, whole Tokyo is talking about what happened two days ago. Luckily I met her and told her the truth."
"What truth?"
"Well, Ken-san, that a racoon-child like her could never win the affection of a strong handsome man like you. She's better of forgetting about her little infatuation."
"You told her WHAT?" He was raging. The Battousai in him wanted to break free and yell or hit the meddling woman.
"Oef, and I thought it was our fault she was gone."
"Shht, Yahiko."
"What are you talking about?" he barked.
"Nothing."
"Sano!"
"Well, we were at the Akabeko and we kind of had a conversation about the eum, event of two days ago. We were talking about Kaoru's crazy reaction and attitude after you gave her the ring and that you fainted when you found out you were engaged, and she kinda overheard us…"
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(Kaoru's POV)
Ouch, sleeping in the forest isn't pleasant. I can't believe my Kenshin slept almost for ten years in such uncomfortable places… There I go again. He isn't mine! Kaoru forget him, he'll forget about you too. You're not important to him.
I stood and walked away from Tokyo, from my home, from Kenshin.
I'm still four hours away from the next village.
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(Kenshin's POV)
How could she say those things to my Kaoru! She doesn't even know my feelings on the subject. Meddling woman… And Sano and Yahiko telling that in a public place. Telling out loud… It's my own damn fault. I chased her away. The best thing that happened to me was here, close by and I just let her whiter away. Now, she's gone and my reason to exist too.
I knelled down and looked at the moon in the sky.
Will she see the moon also? W… Will she think of me, like I'm thinking of her? Thinking of her isn't enough! I need to see her smiling face. I need to feel the skin of her hand when I 'accidentally' touch her. I need her… So goddamn much… I love you, Kaoru. I always did. I'm sorry I did not show it to you. I'm sorry I did not tell you… Please come back to me… When you come back to me, you're mine. I'm not letting you go again… My sweet, beautiful Kaoru. Please, come back soon. I need you…
I wiped my fallen tears away.
"Beautiful moon, ne Kenshin?"
"Sano, what do you want?"
"I'm just wondering why you're still here."
"Why would sessha leave?"
"To find Missy, of course! You need to bring her back to us."
"Sessha can't."
"Don't begin with sessha! You're not unworthy of her."
"She's pure and innocent. Sessha isn't."
"Missy loves you for you. She doesn't care about your past or the consequences."
"But I do! What will the townspeople think if she'll marry me?" A manslayer covered with blood, mixing tainted blood in a proud Kamiya-bloodline. "They will harass her even more! And what if my enemies found out that I have taken a wife?" Then she will be targeted for revenge.
"She already is in danger by letting you stay with her. She knows she can count on you and she still loves you, even after all the threats. You've protected her before. I know you live to protect her from any harm. And let me tell you something… You're not doing a good job. You're p…"
"I know. I made her feel sad, when it wasn't even needed…"
"Then go after her!"
"I can't."
"What is holding you back. You just made it clear to yourself that you're not unworthy in her eyes and I know you need Missy."
"She asked me to stay."
"When?"
"By telling us that we have to take care of her dojo. She will come back. It's her home and I will be waiting for her. Just like she waited those three years for me."
"You're going to sit around and do absolutely nothing? What if something happened on the way?"
"I've already send a letter to Aoshi. He'll be trailing her and protecting her from any harm, until she is ready to come back home."
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(Kaoru's POV)
In the next village I sent word to Misao. In Nakatsugawa I found Misao sitting by the fountain.
"Misao-chan, over here!"
"Kaoru-chan there you are! Aoshi got a letter from Himura. He wanted that the Oniwaban-shu searched for you. What happened?"
"Not now, Misao. Let's find a place to sit and where we can talk quietly and undisturbed. But first did you tell someone where you went?"
"No, I didn't. Aoshi was meditating again. I told Jiha that I would take a trip to clear my head. On my way out I found the letter for Aoshi from Himura. I kind of read it and took it with me."
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Sitting under a bridge by the riverside Misao's curiosity peeked.
"So what happened."
I told her the story and what had happened the following days. At the end I was crying my heart out in Misao's arms.
"It hurts so much, Misao-chan. So much that I wished I never knew what love was… What will he think of me? I don't want to be his younger sister. I don't… I don't… It hurts… My heart feels like it's being squished and ripped out…"
All my emotions poured out. I was afraid of losing myself in them. Never in my life did I feel as weak as I felt now.
Love, look what you reduced me to. A heartbroken soul, doomed to wander in the dark. Never shall I see a ray of light again.
"I'm weak, in every possible way…"
"You're not weak, Kaoru-chan. You're one of the strongest women I know. Look at me."
She made me look at her.
"Crying is not a sign of weakness. It's an emotion, and as long you possess emotions you're strong. You followed him all the way from Tokyo to Kyoto. You stayed to fight. That takes a strong woman and if they can't see that than they are just dump men!"
I was surprised with these words, but it didn't help my current situation. Kenshin did not see me and will never see me as a woman. That was my problem.
"But Kenshin…"
"We'll let him see what you are made off. We'll let him see what strong women we are. Oh, I have it. Let's make a pact!"
"A pact?"
"Yes, a pact. We'll train together to become strong women. I'll teach you how to handle kunai. We'll become strong enough to defend ourselves, without the help of men. We'll become strong enough to take down our men's enemies, without their help!"
Perfect! If he sees I don't need any help in protecting myself, then maybe, just maybe… He'll see more in me than a little sister in need of protection. But…
"Who will teach us to become strong enough?"
"We'll teach ourselves and we'll pick some fights and learn a few new moves on our journey."
"Journey?"
"Yes, we can't stay in one place. The Oniwaban-shu will look for us. We have to escape their watching eye. Luckily, I know how. I'll also teach you that. Oh, it'll be so much fun. Travelling alone is boring, but now I have you with me. At night, we'll tell stories around our fire. We can train in the morning and cook dinner together. Don't forget about laundry…"
"I guess I'll learn more on this trip than just defending myself." I muttered under my breath.
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(Kenshin's POV)
I was becoming hysteric. We had send another letter to Aoshi and found out that the first one never reached him. There was also stated that Misao had disappeared and that they will be looking for the two girls. If Misao's disappearance had something to do with Kaoru, then we have to forget about the search. Misao knows how to become invisible and she will make Kaoru also undetectable.
I have to find her. I need to know if she's alright. Why doesn't she sent me a letter? I want to go after you. I want… But I promised that I'll take care of the dojo. I'm not breaking another promise. Kami, why do you torture me so? I can only hope that she will come home soon… Please be alright.
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(Kaoru's POV)
The sun rose over the horizon. And as always, I woke up first. After cleaning myself in the small river, I took off to hunt for some food. At first it was hard. But I soon learned some tricks to catch ourselves a good meal. The food I made became more eatable by the day. Misao gave me some easy pointers that I could use to cook.
It's already been a month. A month away from home. How are they doing? Is Yahiko still doing his exercises? Is there still enough money? How is K… Kenshin doing?
A tear rolled down my cheek.
He'll probably hate me by now. Perhaps he started to travel again… Oh, Kenshin, why can't I mean something to you…
I heard a noise to my right. Turning around I took three kunais. Seeing it was a rabbit, I threw them into the direction of the animal.
With a smile on my face, I strolled towards our camp.
Putting the catch above the newly made fire, I woke Misao up.
"Misao, wake up!"
"Kaoru, what? Mmm, is that rabbit I smell?"
"Yes."
"Did you skin it this time?"
"Yes."
"And made it like I showed you?"
"Yes."
"Give me, give me."
I laughed.
"It isn't ready yet, Misao. I also have to cook the rice."
"Then why did you woke me up? I was dreaming heavenly… Aoshi-sama was on his knees proposing to me."
"Go wash yourself, Misao. Breakfast will be ready when you come back."
And she ran towards the stream.
"I will be back real soon, Kaoru. Hurry up with the food, because I'm starving."
In the past month, Misao grew on me. I started to look at her as my little sister. She doesn't like it when I call her little.
Just like Yahiko… Go away homesickness.But she is almost two years younger than me… Because of our band, I threw away the honorific. She did the same. We weren't children any more. We are growing. This trip would make us strong independent women.
"Iek, Kaoru, help!"
I ran towards the stream.
"What's wrong, Misao!"
"A snake! It's there, under the leaf. Get it away!"
With a stick, I removed the leaf with caution.
"It's a worm, Misao."
I showed it to her.
Embarrassed she answered back: "I knew that."
But we still have a long way to go.
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With meat in our stomach, we began our morning training in the forest. Today, we will start to combine our two styles. I learned her the basics of kendo and she learned me a few moves. Now, we will teach ourselves how to speed up in an attack or defence. I'll work on jumping higher and faster. I could use it in an attack for more power or as a side pas to get myself away from my attacker. Misao will work on using speed in her advantage in a fight. By using speed in an attack or blocking, you'll regain more power. She'll be learning it with a bokken in her hands. All morning we were practicing, until we were bathing in our own sweat.
The sun was higher in the sky and after refreshing ourselves, we dressed ourselves in kimonos and went into town to find something to eat. For eating, we needed money. We worked in the afternoon around town. Luckily for us, there was enough work. But there was something missing in our lives and we found out what is was.
We'll become strong women, but that didn't made us more feminine. People would see us even more as tomboys if we started to defeat men. We went to the only people we knew that could act refined and we begged them to teach us. That's why, at night, you could find us at a geisha's home. She taught us the different arts of being a refined woman. It was hell and it seemed like we didn't learn anything at all. It looked like a waste of money, but after weeks of practicing, our poster was perfect.
After six months of travelling from one town to the other, we set foot in Otsu.
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Dressed in a fine kimono, we walked out of the geisha's house. You could not read it from our faces, but we were ecstatic. We could perform the tea-ceremony with natural grace. Our minds were too busy to notice that we were being followed. Four men were closing us in. When Misao yelled, I became aware of our situation. Someone had grabbed Misao from behind. She tried to kick him, but with our kimonos, we were limited to a couple of moves. I took out the kunai and threw one in the shoulder of Misao's attacker. Immediately, he let her go and started to curse. Back to back, we were facing our attackers with only kunai. I had left my bokken at the hotel. Stupid me. Our attackers drew their swords. We are in deep shit! I'm sorry Kenshin…
"Stupid whore! You'll pay for that!"
"Don't call her a whore, you imbecile!"
"Misao, ssht…"
"Men, I think we have captured a pair of spitfires."
"You haven't captured us yet!" I threw my kunai into his kneecap and with satisfaction, I heard him yell in agony. The three others came towards us and I heard Misao ripping her kimono. She kicked one in the stomach and she punched the other in the face, while I was dodging the other one's sword. I wanted to attack, but I did not hear Misao anymore. I made a fatal move, I looked behind me. Searching for Misao, I saw the two men throwing her into the mud. The one I wanted to attack, grabbed my arm and twisted it. I yelled in pain while my kunai touched the ground. No…
"Do you call yourself men? Let them go or I shall teach you some manners on how to treat a lady."
"Who the hell are you?"
"I do not give my name when it is not needed. Now let them go."
"They are ours. Search your own."
"I do not think they want to be yours. Let them go!"
The one that held me, threw me into the mud, next to Misao. He clutched his sword and attacked our wannabe-rescuer. I did not see what happened next. Our rescuer was moving too fast for my eyes. Just like Kenshin. No, Kenshin is the fastest. From one moment to the next, the four swine's were unconscious. From the mud we looked up to our rescuer. Our eyes widened with the sight.
"Well, well. What do we have here… It's a good thing that they have tasty sake in Otsu."
