Peculiar Oddities: Chapter 2
Harry Potter walked out of his common room happily, having destroyed his memory of the last few minutes of his life. He didn't know why, but something warned him against returning to his common room, and he had decided years ago to always trust his instincts. He was still pondering this when he came upon a muffin. Untouched. On the floor.
"Hmm," frowned Harry, wondering which idiot would leave such an exquisite substance unattended. The muffin lay still on the floor, perhaps pretending that it couldn't hear Harry's mumblings nor understand his dilemma. Or it just didn't care.
"Playing hard to get, eh?" questioned Harry with a slightly disappointed expression. His experience with women had made him painfully aware of the muffin's body language.
Before the muffin could respond, Harry picked up the muffin, his instincts telling him that food on the floor was still food, and would be treated as such. He always trusted his instincts. Even when the muffin began to glow an eerie blue, Harry still followed his feelings deep down that told him to trust this particular sweet. It was only when sparks of electricity appeared in his general vicinity, that Harry decided that this was now most certainly not typical muffin behaviour, and that he may have bitten off more than he could chew. Figuratively of course, as the curiosity aroused by the bluish glow had prevented him from viciously assaulting, and potentially even consuming the poor muffin.
So it was to the surprise of both Harry and the muffin, which deep down realised that it was at the bottom of the food chain and thus wished to remain inconspicuous, that the sparks of electricity grew to encompass the corridor. A large metallic clunking sound was heard, and the electricity immediately faded, leaving blackness behind. It was then that both Harry and the muffin fell unconscious.
The glass door was still quite angry at the harsh and inhumane treatment that he had received from the rude boy. Of course, one might be inclined to argue that the door was not completely human itself, and as such, it might be odd to treat it humanely, but the door would have digressed. Unaware of being discussed by the author, it continued to stare at Simon, who had progressed from looking as though he had lost his best friend and was now looking like a child who has just had revealed to him that the shopping mall Santa is really the janitor with a synthetic beard.
As minutes passed however, the door's expression began to fade slightly, miffed at Simon's unchanging expression. The boy on the other hand, was in thought. More than wondering how he had managed to be hit by a glass door of its own will, he was trying to figure out just what he had done to anger it. The injustice of it irked him! Maybe he was an odd child, but in this odd story, it would have been odd if he wasn't odd.
Of course, the door mistook the boy's staring into space for complete and utter shock, and was now beginning to feel somewhat sympathetic for Simon. Before the look of anger vanished from its face however, Simon snapped out of his thoughts, and the previous look of unrelenting anger was present once more. Simon was about to attempt a possible reconciliation with his attacker when the second slightly odd occurrence of his day showed itself.
With a few brief crackles of electricity, a metallic clunking sound, an accompanying gunshot followed by a wounded cry from the ice-cream compartment, a boy materialised from nowhere right between the door and Simon. Simon was completely in awe of what just happened, and for the first time that day, considered the option that he might be dreaming. The door was merely annoyed that it could no longer glare at its target, and cursed its inability to move.
Then a muffin popped into view, and hovered in the air above the new boy's head. Simon had now come to the conclusion that he definitely was dreaming, and thus smiled at the levitating muffin, hoping that it would soon morph into an exceptionally beautiful and equally nude woman. Simon peered at the boy underneath his object of lust and sent a withering glare at him before realising that while the arrival was somehow standing, he was unconscious.
Then the muffin screamed. A piercing, shrill squawk echoed loudly through the room, somewhat akin to that emitted by a banana tree about to be felled. Simon wasn't expecting this from his nymph and also screamed violently. This was enough to wake the new boy, who fell to the floor out of his lack of orientation. Then he too screamed, although this could have been due to the counter that impacted with his head. The door however had now realised that no-one could understand it at all, unlike the muffin, and therefore chose not to scream. It was instead sobbing quietly.
The two boys continued screaming before they discovered that the muffin had stopped yelling and had started cackling evilly instead. They could actually see what they assumed to be its mouth opening and shutting rapidly. It also appeared to be throwing its head backwards and forwards during its peals of laughter. This image was so strange that the boys were now content on sending blank looks at the muffin. The new boy could not observe the muffin from his current position without seriously damaging his neck, and thus moved quietly towards Simon. Simon on the other hand was slightly disappointed at the direction his dream was heading; he didn't know what the muffin was playing at, but he did know that the insane cackling was not turning him on.
Simon turned to the boy, unwilling to destroy his hopes further, "So… who are you?"
"Harry Potter", he replied tonelessly, wondering how someone did not know him. To him, that particular thought was stranger than being transported across the world by a living muffin with a creepy sense of humour.
Simon accepted this without doubt, still slightly irritated that his dream of female nudity was seeming less and less likely. Nevertheless he was appeased to be meeting one of his idols. "Oh wow!" gushed Simon. "I've read so much about you!"
Harry groaned, knowing what was coming.
"J.K Rowling really outdid herself with the last book. Did you really have that underwater threesome? Her description was… wow!" he finished, realising that even though this was a dream, he would still remember any sex tips when he woke.
Harry ignored the subtle cue and decided to blink twice, amazed. He hadn't told anyone about that! Who the hell was this Rowling woman anyway? His word summarised his thoughts, "What?"
Simon continued as if uninterrupted, "… and with the squid's wife too! Wow!"
Harry definitely did not remember that. He was also wondering whether he wanted to hear any more, as Simon was just beginning to speak more quickly and excitedly. "What!" he emphatically enunciated.
"… and that flying broomstick of yours, I've heard the handling is second to none. You've just got to show me it!"
If Harry had something in his mouth, he most certainly would have spat it all over his fan. He didn't even consider the possibility that he had taken Simon's double entendre in completely the wrong way, but, from the direction of the conversation, he couldn't be fairly blamed. "What!" he all but shouted.
The muffin, which had stopped laughing some time ago and was instead eavesdropping, chose this moment to reassert its presence. "Actually, if you pay attention, he's being pretty clear…"
END CHAPTER 2
