Be aware that I take screenshots of people being weird about David and show them to my friends so we can mock them. You're being mocked. The reviews section of a silly little fanfiction for a silly little cartoon is not the place for your silly little 'debate' about gender identity.
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Chapter 303: Peace Offerings
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"You can scan for bugs, right?" asked Ellie.
"Yeah," said Tucker. "Everything I've got is up to date, so it should be easy."
"What about curses?" asked Jazz. "Can he do that?"
"Danny can just eat it, if there are any," said Sam.
"Um," said Dmitri, "we'd have to figure out if they're cursed, first, though, right? I know we were able to tell with the vase, but… That was really nasty, wasn't it?"
"Yeah," said Danny. "But we don't have to rely on just ourselves. We can get them screened by other people."
"Oh, like we do at the embassy?" asked Damien.
Danny nodded. "It makes sense, right? We're public figures."
"Goes a bit beyond that for you," said David. "You're a head of state."
"Technically," said Danny, pushing the thought away with a shrug. "I think it won't be too… Offensive? Offensive to say that."
"If he's serious about redeeming himself," said Damien, "he won't be offended."
"I don't think it's really necessary, but it should be fine to explain it like that. If that's what we want to do."
Ellie made a bit of a face in David's direction. "I don't know that you're the best judge of Vlad's character. Sorry."
"Fair enough. But our parents are all just back there. They'll be able to fix anything he tries. Why not humor him?"
"I think it's better not to be gotten in the first place," said Ellie. "He hasn't done anything to you maybe, but when we trusted him before he used us. I'm not going to be humoring him at all."
"Trust is a thing that has to be earned," agreed Danny. "If he's serious about earning it back, he shouldn't mind that we're being a little cautious."
"You say that as though you wouldn't jump right into helping him if he asked for it."
Danny shrugged. "That's how I am, yeah, but this isn't just a me decision. I'm not the one he hurt the most. One- Ones? The ones he hurt the most?"
"One of the ones he hurt the most?" suggested Dmitri.
"Can we not turn this into a discussion about grammar?" requested David.
"Yeah, sorry. I think it does make sense," said Danny, "to give him, I don't know, conditions. And screen our mail. But I think it should be your guys' decision, not mine."
"Yeah," said Damien, "I think that sounds fair."
"Okay," said David. "So… Who's going to tell him that?"
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Vlad… Wasn't happy about resolution. But… He could, he decided, as he flew back to the Ghost Zone, be hopeful about it. The children were giving him a chance, after all, and he had to admit he had done them wrong.
This was a chance.
And Vlad Masters always took full advantage of the chances he was given. Just look at the business empire he had built! With his powers! By… stealing… overshadowing people… and making them turn over their assets.
Hm. Alright. That was a bad example.
But he'd still take this chance.
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"I cannot sense any untoward enchantments," said Fright Knight. "Lord Clockwork?"
"I don't see anything dangerous soon."
"Well," said Danny. "What do you guys think?"
"I'll go first," said Jazz. "Out of all of us, I think he's least likely to have set a trap for me."
"I'll open it!" volunteered Danny.
"What? No—"
"It only makes sense. If there was a curse or some other ghostly… thing… it shouldn't work as well on someone that isn't the intended target."
"In that case," said Clockwork, "it'd be best for Fright Knight, Sojourn, or myself to open the presents."
"Aw," said Dmitri, very quietly. "The presents…"
"You'll be able to unwrap other presents," said Sojourn.
The package with Jazz's name on it was long and thin, wrapped in metallic teal and tied off with a silver ribbon. There was a tag. Fright Knight opened it up, squinted at it, and then passed it to Sojourn.
"I cannot read that handwriting," he explained.
"Didn't you, like, work for him for—"
"No," said Fright Knight.
"He's touchy about that," said Sojourn with a smile. He cleared his throat. "Jasmine, although I know these are no match for the ones currently in your possession, I know that those are merely borrowed. These have no great names or deeds associated with them, but they will be yours entirely, and they can cut ghost and human alike." Sojourn raised an eyebrow. "The man is eloquent, if nothing else."
As Danny had expected after the note, Jazz's gift was swords, a matched pair in silver-chased sheaths.
Sojourn put a hand on one of the hilts. "May I?" he asked Jazz.
"Go ahead."
In a smooth movement, Sojourn exposed two feet of sharp and gleaming metal. "White adamant and steel," he said.
"Not as fine as Soulshredder," said Fright Knight, leaning over. "But serviceable enough."
"The shrink ray should work on them," said Danny. "But you'll need to find a way to attach them to your charm bracelet first."
Jazz held out her hands to take the swords. "Weirdly thoughtful, for Vlad."
"Well," said Damien. "Let's see if he keeps it up. Do mine next."
Fright Knight took several minutes to sort through the pile before coming up with something that wasn't quite a box. Probably to deter a certain ghost from making an appearance. He peeled back layers of shiny paper, Damien snatching them as they fell and trying to fold them into shapes.
Finally, what was revealed was a helmet. It was in roughly the same style as the armor Damien was wearing, if not precisely the same, and had a circle of silver leaves decorating it.
"A helmet with a crown on it?" asked Damien, floating next to Fright Knight to get a better look. "Why?"
"Well," said Danny. "You are a member of the royal family. You're a prince." He looked at Clockwork. "He is a prince, right?"
"Essentially, yes. There admittedly hasn't been much need for titles for family members over the years."
"Guess that's why Danny'll be the best king," said Damien. "I don't really like the idea of wearing a crown."
"You don't have to wear it," said Fright Knight.
"Yep," said Danny. "You get to do what you want with a gift. Even if it's, I don't know, politically inadvisable."
"Please do not do anything politically inadvisable with diplomatic gifts," said Clockwork.
"Yes," said Sojourn. "Do not make my work harder, please."
"What do you want to bet he's given the rest of us crowns, too?" asked David.
Damien raised an eyebrow. "I thought you'd be more supportive of him."
David shrugged. "Let's be honest, for better or worse he doesn't actually know us. And he's sort of pretentious."
"You can say that again," said Jazz.
The gift for David was indeed a crown. Pale gold leaves and purple gem flowers that they tapped with a fingernail. It had a certain similarity to Danny's crown in theme, but not in style, being rather more blocky and rigid. David gestured to it with a smug smile on their face.
Dustin's gifts however, were boxing gloves and orichalcum knuckles.
Dustin frowned, turning the items over in his large hands. "They fit," he said, finally. "I didn't expect them to fit."
"Do you like them?" asked David. They were, in Danny's opinion, trying a little too hard not to be too interested in the answer. Still. Danny saw how they leaned in.
"I don't know," said Dustin, voice deep in contemplation. "I remember… I did work with the punching bag, before." He shook his head. "I don't know."
Danny, hesitantly, afraid to step over the invisible but still-present barriers between himself and the clones, patted Dustin's shoulder.
"It's useful, at least," said Dustin.
David deflated slightly, then shrugged. "I guess they aren't all crowns, then."
The next package was small, small enough to fit in the palm of Sojourn's hand with plenty of room to spare, and it was addressed to Dmitri.
At first, Danny thought the little chests were jewelry boxes, but they were, in fact, full of miniature clothes, including eye patches. One of the chests even had a tiny backpack in it.
"Huh," said Damien, holding up a shirt. Then, "Huh."
Sojourn smiled indulgently. "Is that a good huh or a bad huh?"
Dmitri looked up from where he was floating near Sojourn's wrist. "Neither. Just… I have a vague memory of clothes being considered a boring gift."
Jazz rolled her eyes. "Only be children."
"Hey! I am a child," protested Danny.
"Obviously."
"And so are you."
"Nope, I'm eighteen. Officially not a child."
"Hm," said Clockwork. "Perhaps by the standards of the United States."
Jazz looked at him askance. "Are you teasing me?"
"Perhaps."
"Bet Ellie's will be a crown," said David.
"Still not taking that bet."
David stuck out their tongue.
However, Ellie's gift was also not a crown, but a neatly bound book with a tiny padlock on it. A diary.
"I'd rather call it a journal," said Ellie. She pulled a pen out of a pocket in the spine.
"Aren't those synonymous, except for connotations?" asked David.
Ellie stuck her tongue out. "It's mine, so I get to choose which it is. I want to make sure it doesn't send everything I write back to Vlad, though. Probably won't put anything in that's too personal anyway." She sighed. "Maybe a travelogue? I can do a travelogue, right?"
"Don't see anything stopping you," said Danny, leaning on her on purpose.
Ellie elbowed him. "Now, you open yours. It's the last one."
"There are two others, though." The stack of presents was still a sack.
"Wait," said Tucker, "are those for us?"
Clockwork picked one up. Carefully, as if it might explode. Not a super comfortable thing to see from a guy who could see the future.
"They are," said Clockwork. "Do you mind?"
"Go ahead," they said, together.
"You owe me a soda," said Tucker.
"Tucker, you are literally the ruler of an entire country. You can get yourself a soda."
"You'd be surprised."
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A few minutes later, Sam and Tucker stared down at their gifts.
"How is it that Vlad knows us better than he knows you guys?"
"I guess he's known us longer?" suggested Sam, looking at the seed packets in her hands with some suspicion.
"I guess," said Tucker. "But not as, you know, people."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"He always just struck me as only seeing Sam and I as Danny's hangers-on. Sidekicks." He looked up from the sleek digital tablet Vlad had given him. "No offence, Danny, but even if you're the main character of whatever's going on, I'm not a sidekick."
"Ugh," said Danny. "I don't want to be a main character."
"There, there," said David, "I am more than happy to take over."
"You'd die," said Damien. "So much. So fast." He made a little tongue of ghost fire dance over his fingertips, then blew it out. "Like that."
"Rude," said David.
"Now, that really does leave yours," said Clockwork. He picked up the offending package peeled back one corner of the wrapping, using it for leverage to tear the rest away.
It was a book. A thick, leathery, old book. Danny could practically taste the age in the Zone-greyed paper, even with it in Clockwork's hands.
"And… somehow he knows Danny the least," said Tucker.
"I don't know," said Danny, peering at the title. "Psychic Influences and How to Divert Them actually sounds useful."
Certainly, there had been plenty of 'psychic influences' he'd have liked to divert in the recent past.
"Well. I guess all that's left is to check to make sure he didn't leave any surprises." Danny rubbed the side of his nose, feeling tired.
"Why don't you leave it for now?" suggested Clockwork, softly. "All of these will still be here tomorrow and letting them be will cause no great disaster. Rest, for now." He smiled, a spark of mischief glinting in his eye. "Try to see if you can reach Harmony from here, perhaps."
Danny blinked. That… was true. Even if Vlad was trying something, he'd be more subtle about it than Freakshow – which admittedly wasn't saying much. So… They had time. They didn't have to solve this problem now.
Danny smiled back.
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Dan lifted himself up from the floor with a groan. He had to peel a sock off the side of his neck. "Why the hell do I have a hangover?"
"Uh," said Ember, "because you drank, like, an entire six-pack."
"Yeah!" said Kitty, loud enough to make Dan wince, leaning in from another room. "It was great! You're so funny when you're drunk. I'm making food for this special occasion. You eat eggs, right?"
"I've never had a hangover before. Did you idiots curse me or something?"
"Oh, that's hilarious," said Johnny, throwing himself on the couch. "Man, you were all going on about how you conquered the world and everything. Did you never like, I don't know, take a break and get hammered?"
"I tried," said Dan. "I downed an entire liquor store once!"
"Downed as in drank, or downed as in knocked it over? Because one is way easier than the other, dude."
"Screw you and your stupid shadow. I drank it."
Johnny scratched Shadow under the chin, like a dog. "He doesn't mean it," he said.
"I drank it, and I didn't feel anything. So why am I feeling like this now?"
"Okay," said Kitty, "I'm just going to assume you can eat eggs."
"I don't know, man, time travel is way above my pay grade."
"You don't get paid."
"Or do I?"
"If you have a job, I will walk around with my head on backwards for an entire day."
"Man, I'd love to see that."
"Yeah," said Ember, "but you don't have a job, so you won't."
"You could give me a job. You have money and stuff, right?"
"Johnny," said Ember, "I know you. And that's why I will never, ever give you a job."
"Bummer."
"Who needs a job, anyway?" asked Kitty. "We can get what we want, when we want it. It's the dream, baby."
"None of this is answering my question," said Dan.
"Maybe you should go ask your mom."
"She isn't my mom!"
