Well, you all dragged it out of me :) Enjoy…

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Jack was thoroughly pissed. After that wonderful week of having Carter in his arms (after calling General Hammond to get the time off, of course) work was now driving him crazy!

It'd only been an hour since he got on base, and already Daniel and Carter had kicked him out of their offices! Sam even locked him out of her lab! Granted, apologetically, but still! And Hammond had point blank refused to see him at all!

"Talk to me after your mission, son," he'd ordered.

Jack, of course, had protested, "But sir! That's three hours away!" And I wanted to retire, appoint Carter as SG-1's CO, and sweep her into a breathtaking kiss in that time…

And, of course, Hammond's gruff reply had been, "Deal with it," as he slammed his office door shut. Jack had stood in the hallway, stunned.

He muttered, "Who put a burr down his pants?" and went to the commissary.

After a good ten minutes of bugging the servers, he was told to sit and eat or, he quote, "Get the hell out of my commissary!"

So he grabbed two cups of jello – one red, one blue – and made his way to Carter's lab.

He banged on the blast door until he rattled it. She had to hear that! "Ooooh, Carter!" he yelled sweetly. "I bring offerings of peace! – so lemme in, already!"

He heard a distinct sigh and the doors were opened, revealing a very wary Major. She squinted at him. "What kind of peace off– jello!" she cried, snatching at the cup of delicious blueness.

"Ah-ah!" said Jack, swinging it up high where she couldn't reach. "Say it," he ordered with a smile.

Carter sighed, and did a turtle dove duck. "Please," she said shyly with a smile, sweet smile.

Jack groaned and handed her the jello. "You and that turtle dove duck," he muttered, stepping into her lab. He took his honored seat – the tall spin-stool she always kept by her desk for him. Giving it a few spins for good measure, he stopped in front of her; she was sitting on her stool, which didn't spin around, but was nonetheless good for just hanging around with her CO and – hopefully soon – lover, and of course eating jello.

She was digging into her jello quite enthusiastically, which brought the question to mind… "When was the last time you ate?"

Carter had the good grace to look sheepish. "Umm…" she said, "what if I say I can't remember?"

He growled, setting down his jello and vaulting at her. She squeaked in surprise, and he hooked her neck with his arm, jamming his fist – not softly, but not too hard, either – onto her skull through her hair.

"Then I'd say, 'Get the hell out of this lab, and don't make me hurt you!'. So Carter, get the hell out of this lab and don't make me hurt you!" he snapped; there was no ire or anger in his voice, and he was grinning smugly when he let her go. She snapped back into her former, straight position, and gaped at him.

Then she looked down at her shirt and pants, which were covered with blue jello. She quickly located the cup, which was under her stool, and discovered it empty. Not even a tiny smudge of jello left in it. The stuff on her greasy, grimy pants wasn't worth salvaging, and she didn't find the stuff on her shirt to be worth it, either.

"Sir, you spilled my jello!" she said, pouting.

"So eat it off your clothes," he said shrugging.

"That is such a guy thing to say – sir," she added belatedly. "Besides, I can't eat the stuff on my pants! And there's barely anything on my shirt…"

"I'd be more than glad to lick it off for you, Major," Jack said, smirking as he eyed the little bits of jello that clung to the fabric on her breasts.

Sam reddened and snapped, "Don't even think about it, mister!"

Uh-oh, Jack thought. She's got that scowl. One, two, three, four, five…eleven, twelve, thirteen… Damn, it's a lasting one, too, not one of her five-second scowls where she forgives me soon after. I wonder if I should've stopped at, 'So eat it off your clothes'…

"Err, sorry, Carter…that was rude and obnoxious and…" Oooh, definitely should've stopped at, "So eat it off your clothes."

Her mouth twitched and she eased up on the scowl. "It's all right," she sighed, genuinely over it. "It wasn't a big deal. Besides…" she cupped a breast in one hand, picking the stray bits of jello off it, and moving closer, her hips swaying seductively. "…it's those little things…" she wiped the jello on his shirt, all the while keeping eye contact, his brown orbs helplessly drawn by her blue ones. She cupped her other breast and started to pick jello off of it, and his eyes dropped to her hands and chest. "…that I so love about you." She wiped it on his shirt slowly, smirking when she noticed the bulge in his trousers.

Still smirking, she moved around him and started down the hall, leaving him stunned in her wake. Suddenly, he shook out of his statue-like trance and looked around her lab. "Carter, where'd you go!"

"Down to the commissary as ordered, sir!" she yelled from down the hall, thoroughly enjoying her triumph.

Jumping slightly, Jack dashed down the hall to meet her at the elevator.

"Err…good!" he said, trying to regain some dignity, which was nil impossible with Carter smirking beside him.

"I'd like to thank you sir," she said as the elevator near reached its destination.

"Y-you would?" he said incredulously.

"Yes," she replied calmly, her voice light, though having an air of mystery in it. "You taught me something valuable, that I'll be proud to announce to women everywhere."

"Wassat?" he asked, slurring his surprise.

The doors opened and she said, "That we don't need shiny objects to hypnotize the great Jack O'Neill!" silkily as she went, yet again leaving him stunned in her wake.

He stood their frozen for so long, the doors began to close on him, but he jammed them apart and forced himself to walkcalmly after her.

Oiy, that was one dangerous woman!

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The wormhole flushed open, and for the second time, all of SG-1 had to duck down. This time, though, Sam leapt out of the direct line of it altogether, watching her teammates – well, except for Teal'c – squirm under the blue wave. They were probably remembering her incident last week.

"SG-1, this is General Hammond."

"We read you, General," said Sam.

"SG-1, are you aware you're two hours overdue?"

"How can that be?" Daniel asked exchanging a "freaked-out" look with Sam.

"There must be a time distortion," Sam said into the radio, also speaking to Daniel. "Time must flow significantly slower, here. We've only been here about thirty minutes, sir, according to us."

"Hey, look, my watch stopped!" Daniel exclaimed. Sam checked hers.

"So's mine," she echoed.

"Mine is dysfunctional as well," intoned Teal'c.

"Very well, SG-1. Return to earth immediately. I don't want to fool with time like this anymore. Hammond out."

"He's probably thinking of the black hole incident," Sam said. Daniel and Teal'c nodded. "Okay, sir?" she called.

"Right here," said a very irritated Jack O'Neill. Sam looked sideways, and Daniel and Teal'c turned around.

Sam's eyes were greeted by the bare torso of Colonel Jonathan "Jack" O'Neill. She grinned when she realized that his shirt was lying in shreds at his feet, and he was stiffly holding his pants in place.

"Déjà vu," quietly said a very stunned Daniel.

Sam couldn't help but grin widely. The urge to whistle her appreciation for his half-naked male form almost overwhelmed her.

"Carter, can the shit-eating smirk," Jack snapped, his face red. "It doesn't become you."

"Yes sir," she said, promptly ignoring the "order". "Sir," she inquired softly, "is your neck alright?"

"It's fine," he snapped, but his wince told the truth of the tale.

"Let me look, sir," she said seriously.

"No!" he yelped, leaping a good few feet back.

She stopped and sighed. "Sir," she said, her "shit-eating smirk" gone, "it happened to me, remember? The least I –"

"I don't care that it happened to you, Carter! Damn it, you come one step closer and I'll have your ass up on charges for insubordination!"

He stopped her in her tracks, and her lasting scowl returned. "Of all the…" she growled, then snapped, "Fine, sir! Walk around and let the entire base see your bare ass!" She swirled around and stopped to the DHD and viciously hit each symbol for earth's address. A hurricane of mumbled irritations flew from her mouth: "See if I care…won't get people talking about him, though. Nooo, it'll still be, 'I'll bet Carter loved that!' and 'She so knows she enjoys it!' and 'I'll bet she paid him to do it.' Stupid, self-centered son of a –"

The Stargate whooshed open, and before she went through, she turned and snapped, "Daniel!" The archeologist had been reluctantly moving to go behind Jack to cover him, seeing as Jack couldn't get Teal'c to, but Sam's venomous glare sent him quickly backtracking to Teal'c's side.

"Hey!" Jack roared. "Carter, get back here and –!"

But she had already stepped through, as had Daniel, though hesitantly. Just as Teal'c reached the event horizon, he stopped and turned.

"Teal'c!" Jack cried hoarsely. "T, my man! I knew you wouldn– "

"I pause only to inform you, O'Neill," Teal'c said, his cool voice not masking his anger, "that should you have Major Carter unjustly punished or removed from SG-1, you will have lost much of my respect, and I would be unwilling to continue to serve under your command."

Jack was sincerely shocked. "Teal'c…"

Sensing the question in his voice, Teal'c replied, "And if that were the case, I would dedicate myself to assisting Major Carter. She is an intelligent and strong warrior who would undoubtedly solve many of our problems if she dedicated herself wholly to her studies. However, despite this, she has loyally served you through countless battles. She does not deserve your ire, especially over a problem so petty."

With that, Teal'c went through, and a moment later, the Stargate disengaged.

Jack stared after him. "Did he just tell me to get my head outta my ass!" he asked the deadly silence.

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"Major Carter," Hammond said, frowning at the bottom of the ramp, "where is Colonel O'Neill?"

Teal'c answered for her: "He has approached trouble and refused to accompany us back through the Stargate."

"Teal'c, the cliché is, 'He went looking for trouble and was too pig-headed to let anyone help him,'" Sam corrected, instantly looking sheepish when she looked at the General's bewildered expression.

"I must argue, Major Carter, that it was only to you that he refused help "

"Thanks, Teal'c," she mumbled.

"Is he alright?" General Hammond asked worriedly.

"Oh he's fine, sir," Sam said with a snort. "He has a bit of a draft, though, must be getting cold for him with that cool breeze and all."

Daniel had to hide a smile.

Squinting confusedly at her, he looked to Daniel and Teal'c for an explanation.

"General, you know the incident Sam had a week back?" The General nodded slowly. "Well, it seems the tables have been turned."

Hammond's laughter could be heard from the surface.

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With another majestic whoosh, the Stargate came alive again. Jack stood up off the rock, which to be honest was no replacement for the stool Carter always saved for him in her lab, and walked forward expectantly.

But no one came through. Instead, an extremely large duffle bag landed on the stony steps surrounding the 'Gate.

Hammond's voice came over the radio.

"Son, if you're planning on regaining some dignity, I suggest you put on some clothes and get your ass back here. Major Carter and the rest of your team are rather tired of waiting for you to get back so we can begin debriefing. Think carefully about what you find in that duffle bag. Hammond out."

The Stargate died again, and Jack all but ran for the fresh clothes. He squawked unmanly when he pulled out the first thing.

"A CLOWN SUIT!"

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"Think he's found the pair of BDUs at the bottom of the bag, yet?"

"Naw, I've got my money on Ernest's old diving suit."

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Jack tossed aside the clown suit, horrified. He might as well go back naked than wear that. But the next item he found was a familiar, tattered diving suit. He recognized it as being what Ernest had worn when they got to that… "meaning of life stuff" planet.

He held it against him, disgusted. He might as well go naked than wear that, too! seeing as it didn't exactly cover much.

He tossed it to the pile of clown stuff, too.

"JAFFA ARMOR!"

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"I bet one dollar," Teal'c announced, "that O'Neill wears the traditional Jaffa armor, for I do not believe he will think to …zip…open the small pocket in which you placed the BDU."

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No, no, no, no! There had to be something else! He tore at the duffle bag, and his fingers came across a zipper. What's this?

He yanked the zipper open and cried out in relief. BDUs!

He pulled them out and quickly threw them on. A tiny, yellow piece of paper gently fell to the ground. Curious, he picked it up. A sticky pad note?

It read:

"We wanted to make you suffer, but Sam insisted we put some BDUs in, even if we did hide them. If you've got this note, you obviously found them, though you didn't deserve to. By the way, don't tell Sam. – Daniel & Teal'c."

Carter? Even after he threatened court marshal, she stuck up for him? He was surprised. Before, he'd thought she'd way overreacted, but as he thought about it, maybe he did, too. I mean, I DID cover her six for her. I could've had Danny give her his spare of BDUs, but I went around, checked her neck professionally, then I gawped at her naked flesh. And I only did so without her zatting me because I'm her commanding officer. She WAS only trying to help, though I think there may have been a revengeful streak in there somewhere…

He sighed and dialed the 'Gate. He had some major sucking up to do.

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Sam paced, checking her watch. "Where is he!" she cried again, this time her tone voicing fear. "It's been ages!"

"Sam, relax," Daniel tried to comfort. "It's only been half an hour."

"Half and hour! It's almost been two hours! What if something happened to him! I left him there alone, with no firearms!"

"Sam – it's only been half an hour by his time," he reminded her gently, engulfing her in a comforting embrace. "Remember? You said so yourself, time passes more slowly on that planet."

Sam allowed him to hug her, to stop her from pacing frantically. But she remained stiff in his arms, refusing to ease her worries. What the hell had she been thinking, leaving him there!

"UNSCHEDULED OFF-WORLD ACTIVATION, UNSCHEDULED OFF-WORLD ACTIVATION…"

Sam ripped herself away from Daniel and sprinted down the stairs to the control room.

"Who is it?" she demanded.

"It's SG-1," Walter said.

"Open the iris," General Hammond said as he came down the stairs, Teal'c and Daniel right behind him.

Sam nodded to the General then rushed out the door to the gateroom, watching, praying that he came through unharmed, no matter what he was wearing.

When Jack came through, Sam sighed her relief and jogged up halfway on the ramp to meet him.

He stared at her in disbelief. She wished she could kiss him and kill him all at once, but neither seemed appropriate if she valued her career. So instead she settled for a hoarse, "I see you found the BDUs, sir."

Jack smiled slowly and said, "C'mere," and drew her into a one-armed hug. Then they walked down the ramp together, his arm still around her waist.

Sam smiled and dipped her head to hide it. She knew they were going to be okay.

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I have decided that a third chapter is in order, so soon I will update this again:)