TW: Nothing explicit, but references to the events of 5x14.
Acting captain Robert Sullivan climbed down from the truck, his eyes instinctively roaming to find Andy among the controlled chaos in the barn. Under other circumstances, he might have chastised himself for being over-protective, but she had only been back at work a few days, and he was observant enough to have noticed that all the other members of the A-shift were also keeping a close eye on her.
After the details of Andy's arrest had gone viral, several of Jeremy's other victims had come forward. Thankfully, their accounts were enough to convince the district attorney that Jeremy was a serial predator who had a pattern of making friends with women in bars, encouraging them to drink, and then forcing himself on them if they didn't respond to his advances. Given the similarities between all of the stories, it quickly became clear to everyone that had Andy not fought back, the same thing would have happened to her, and the charges had been dropped.
Her suspension from the department had only lasted a few weeks, but she had asked for and been given, 2 additional weeks of personal leave. The time allowed her to continue her therapy and begin to work through her trauma, not only from the attack but also everything that had happened to her over the past several years. It hadn't been easy, but she was getting to a place where she was able to better understand how she had been impacted by all life had thrown at her, including her parents' troubled marriage, her mother's abandonment, her father's controlling behavior, and then Ryan's death, her father's death, the pandemic, and even the dissolution of her marriage. She had a long way to go, and her appointments with her therapist were sometimes painful, but she felt like she was making progress.
Being back at work also helped. She knew the team was watching over her, but surprisingly, it didn't make her feel smothered or defensive. They had all played a role in helping her survive that night and the uncertainty of the weeks after. If the price of being back with her station 19 family was a few concerned glances, she would take it.
It had also been a tumultuous few weeks for the Station 19 firefighters. A few days after Andy had been attacked, Beckett had shown up to a scene clearly inebriated. Jack had noticed first and had radioed for assistance. Chief Ross came herself, quickly relieved Beckett of his duties, and suspended him pending a formal disciplinary hearing. Robert had been appointed acting captain of 19, and the team had quickly coalesced under his leadership. Under other circumstances, there might be some question about who would take over 19, he or Andy, but at that point, Andy was still charged with a felony, and the SFD had no choice but to place her on leave. While no one thought it was fair, it was policy.
The previous night, they had been called to a massive factory fire, and it had taken several stations until mid-morning to get it sufficiently under control, allowing the firefighters who had joined the fight in the middle of the night to rotate off while other stations continued to search for hot spots. Despite their exhaustion, the team knew they had done their jobs well. Everyone stayed safe, and they worked together smoothly. It made Robert proud that despite everything they had gone through over the last several years when it mattered most they were able to perform to the highest standards.
"Great job, everyone!" Robert called out as the team attended to their cleanup duties in the barn. "You guys really put 88 to shame. Even Chief Ross noticed."
"19" Ben shouted, his voice echoing in the cavernous space.
"19!" Everyone responded in unison.
"Who's up for some day drinking at Joe's?" Vic chimed in. "That was a hell of a fire. We all deserve a beer or two!"
As the team began to answer in the affirmative, Robert glanced at Andy again. If he hadn't been looking at just the right moment, he never would have noticed, but there was a slight change in her countenance at the mention of the bar where she had been attacked.
"Hey guys," Robert quickly interrupted. He wanted to redirect their planning without drawing undue attention to Andy.
"First round's on me, but how about we pick somewhere new this time? There's that bar on 5th…"
Thankfully the team realized the issue without him having to spell it out for them. No one questioned why Andy might not want to return to Joe's, but it was their one and only spot for their post-shift celebrating and commiserating, and Vic hadn't thought before she spoke.
"Theo, how about that bar we went to?" Travis quickly suggested. "It's called…"
Despite her unease, Andy wasn't going to let the team give up their favorite hangout spot because of her. And despite what had happened, she liked Joe's. It was a step above some of Seattle's dive bars, but unlike some bars that had replaced their traditional drinks with "craft cocktails," you weren't going to find a $15 mixed drink or an expensive merlot at Joe's.
"Joe's is fine," Andy interjected before the team could get too far along in their search for another bar.
She paused for a moment and looking directly at Robert with a grin, she added: "And since Cap is buying the first round, I think I'll be choosing an expensive imported beer!"
Robert laughed along with the team, but at the same time turned his attention to Andy. He knew she had to be uneasy, but since she had agreed, he had no choice but to drop the subject. She glanced at him at the same time he was looking at her, and reading the question in his eyes, she nodded slightly before heading to the showers.
Vic, who had observed much of the nonverbal conversation between Robert and Andy, waited until they had both showered, were mostly dressed, and the locker room emptied before asking the question that had been on her mind.
"So," she began. "What's going on with you two?"
"What's going on with 'us two' who?" Andy responded, genuinely perplexed by the question. As she waited for clarification, Andy continued to gather her belongings. Their 24-hour shift had lasted almost 28 hours, and she was ready to leave.
"You and Sullivan," Vic responded evenly, as if the answer were obvious.
Andy paused what she was doing for a moment, and turned to her friend.
"Me and Sullivan?" she repeated, using Vic's name for her ex-husband, even though it sounded off to her ears. Of course, he was Sullivan or "Cap" at work, but she was confident Vic was not talking about their professional relationship. When it came to their personal connection, he was Robert, always Robert.
"Yeah, you and Sullivan. I saw the whole conversation the two of you had with your eyes after I mentioned going to Joe's," Vic explained, before changing topics. "I'm sorry about that, by the way, we've been going there for as long as I've been at 19. I just didn't think..."
"It's ok," Andy cut Vic off before she could get too far into her apology. "I'm not going to let that asshole take our favorite day-drinking spot away from us. As for Sullivan, I ghosted him for ten months, had him served with divorce papers at his station, and slept with his boss, I'm pretty sure he hates me."
"Hates you?" Vic scoffed, her disbelief evident in her tone. While she never fully understood what drew her friend and Sullivan together, between their nonverbal communication in the barn, and his actions the night Andy was attacked, "hate" was not the word she would use to describe his feelings.
"Ok," Andy acquiesced. "Maybe hate is too strong of a word, but he's just keeping an eye on me, and it's what all of you are doing. Do you really think I haven't noticed all of the concerned glances since I came back to work?"
Vic couldn't help but roll her eyes. Either Andy was lying to herself, or she was lying to Vic, and Vic assumed it was the former. Andy wasn't that good of an actor.
Andy saw Vic's reaction and responded accordingly. "What? He's looking out for me. He'd do the same thing for any of us. He's got that whole ex-Marine 'honor and integrity thing down to a T."
"While I don't doubt his chivalry," Vic countered. "There's definitely more going on there than just him looking out for a colleague."
This time it was Andy's turn to roll her eyes. She had to admit that Robert had been very attentive since her attack, checking in on her every few days when she was off from work, and even stopping by her new apartment with some groceries. However, she also knew Robert well enough to know that if it had been Vic or Maya who had been attacked, Robert would do everything in his power to make sure they were ok.
Vic ignored Andy's eye roll. "Say what you want, but that night.." she began, but stopped when she realized that Andy might not want to revisit everything that had happened. "Never mind."
But now, Andy was curious. She had been in survival mode after she had been attacked, not really capable of much logical thought. Thankfully, Ben had taken charge and made sure she had an advocate when dealing with the police, and Carina and Dr. Helm had made the evidence collection process as comfortable as that awful experience could be. She hadn't really thought about what happened from the perspective of her friends. "What happened that night?"
Vic looked more closely at her friend, not wanting to do anything to cause her additional trauma, but Andy's face looked more curious than pained, so she decided to tell her what happened: "That night, when we took the guy to the hospital, he was insistent that Dr. Altman save him, and she needed him out of the way so she could get to work. I think if I hadn't got between him and the treatment room, he would have stayed and barked orders. He knew that if the guy didn't survive, it would be harder on you."
"Vic, he would have done that for anyone," Andy began, but her friend continued to talk.
"Then when we got back to the station when you were in with Carina and Dr. Helm," Vic continued. "He sat guard outside the door the entire time."
Andy opened her mouth to speak, but Vic cut her off before she could say anything.
"Don't tell me he would have done it for any of us. I saw the look on his face. It wasn't the look of a guy who was helping out a colleague in trouble. He was hurting…hurting because you were hurting, and hurting because he couldn't protect you."
"I think you're seeing something that's not there. He loved me once, and maybe he's trying to be a friend, but it's not any more than that," Andy rebutted, grabbing her bag and heading for the door. "I'll see you at Joe's."
Vic just shook her head once again. Andy was becoming quite a good friend to her, but sometimes she could be rather clueless.
Robert chose to walk the several blocks to the bar. He wasn't going to drink, and after buying the A-shift the first round, he planned to head back to the station to complete the incident report from the fire the night before. While he was happy to be made acting captain, he had forgotten how much paperwork the leadership role required. As he approached the bar, he took note of the figure lingering outside the front door. With long auburn hair and a petite frame, it could only be Andy, and it didn't take a mind-reader to realize that for all of her earlier bravado, she was questioning her decision to come. He quickened his stride and watched as she reached out to grab the door handle, before putting her hand back at her side and taking a couple of steps away from the door. He caught up to her, just as she seemed to make the decision to walk back to her car.
She noticed him approaching and looked up. She didn't say anything but also didn't seem upset to see him.
"You ok?" he asked gently.
"Yeah. This is just a lot harder than I thought it would be," Andy began.
Robert wasn't surprised. Andy was a master at pushing her feelings down and pretending that everything was ok until it all got too much for her to bear. He gestured toward a nearby bench. "You want to sit for a minute?" he asked.
He knew the team was expecting him but he figured it would be ok if buying the first round turned into buying the second round. They definitely would not have any issues starting their drinking without him.
"I thought I'd be ok," Andy began. "But when I got here, it all hit me again."
She paused and glanced toward the parking lot where her car was, but also where Jeremy had attacked her. As she parked, she had noted the wall that he had pushed her against, and the spot where he had fallen. A month's worth of rain had washed any traces of the struggle away, but the images were still there, stuck in her mind. They came mostly at night when she was alone in bed, but every once in a while a sound or smell would send her right back to that night.
"That's to be expected," Robert said quietly. "Do you want to leave? Everyone would understand if you needed a little more time."
"I'll be alright, I think," Andy explained. "I think I just needed a minute to remind myself that I'm ok, and no one is going to try to hurt me today."
Robert nodded, listening, but not interjecting. Andy needed the time and space to process this in her own way.
"I was flirting with him and…," Andy began without a preamble.
"Andy," Robert interrupted, speaking gently, but firmly. "You didn't do anything wrong, you know that, right?"
Andy looked closely at him before responding. After what Vic had said earlier, she couldn't help but wonder if his actions were more than those of a concerned colleague. Looking into his eyes, she could see the pain there, and a little bit of anger too.
"Yeah, my logical mind knows that's true, but that doesn't mean I still don't play the night over in my head a thousand times a day. What if I had just stuck to dancing with Deja? What if I hadn't been so friendly to him? What if I had left when 23 left? What if I hadn't had that last drink…"
Andy's voice trailed off as she got lost in all of the self-recriminations. She knew she wasn't at fault, but a man still died at her hands, and that was something she would have to learn to accept.
"Andy," Robert spoke, a little more strongly this time. "You're a young, attractive, single woman. You should be able to drink and flirt in a bar without worrying that some jerk is going to attack you."
If Robert had any reaction to referring to Andy as single, it didn't show on his face, and while Andy heard it, she chose not to comment on that. She pushed her doubt aside, and instead reacted to what Robert had said.
"So you still think I'm attractive?" Andy asked, a smile crossing her face for the first time since they started talking.
Andy's mood had clearly shifted, and Robert was happy to go along with it.
"Andy Herrera," he teased. "Are you fishing for compliments?"
"In the last month, I've been attacked, killed a guy, been charged with a felony, and suspended from my job. If a girl can't fish for a compliment from her ex-husband after all that, who can?" Andy asked rhetorically, the grin never leaving her face.
Andy smiled a little at Robert's face. It appeared he wasn't quite sure what to make of her gallows humor.
"Too soon?" she asked with a chuckle.
Robert couldn't help but laugh. Andy had gone through something terrible, made worse by how she was treated by the police, but moments like this solidified his belief that she would be ok. This was the strong, fierce, sometimes irreverent woman he fell in love with. He stopped himself from going too far down that thought path. Maybe someday he'd allow himself to truly evaluate his current feelings toward Andy, but today wasn't that day.
"Good point," he agreed with a grin, before debating how he wanted to respond. They were laughing and teasing, so it wouldn't be hard to deflect her question with an off-handed comment. He decided, however, to play it straight and answer her question with full honesty.
"Yeah," he said, his voice a little deeper than its normal timber. "I still find you attractive."
The tension between them was palpable, but Robert knew that neither of them was ready to consider if there was something more going on than just two ex-lovers sharing a friendly moment. Rather than allow the tension to build, he decided to add an addendum to his comment.
"I've found you attractive every day since I met you standing outside the station and you tried to tell me how to do my job," he added with a grin.
"I was a little insufferable, wasn't I?" Andy asked with a small chuckle.
Her time as captain at 23 as an outsider had placed her actions when Robert first joined 19 in a better perspective, and she realized how difficult she and the others had made it for him. She now knew what it was like to captain a station where no one really wanted you there.
"A 'little' insufferable?" Robert teased. "A few days later you spent the entire shift bad-mouthing me to your father because you assumed I didn't speak Spanish."
Andy laughed, shaking her head, and covering her face with one hand out of embarrassment.
"Oh God," she laughed, remembering her mortification when she muttered something under her breath, and he responded in Spanish. "That was definitely not one of my finer moments."
As Robert laughed along with her, they both couldn't help but remember how easy everything seemed back then when her biggest worry was getting the new boss to like her, and his was figuring out how to lead Pruitt Herrera's hand-picked team.
"No, it definitely was not," Robert agreed. "But eventually, you realized I had a few redeeming qualities."
Andy's laughter died down as she pondered Robert's last comment. She glanced down to the bench, noticing for the first time how close their hands were together. Picking up hers, she placed it on his and gave his hand a small squeeze. "More than a few," she said quietly.
Once again, the tension between them grew, but this time it was her turn to break it, this time with a change of topic. She glanced at the door, and then at Robert.
"I guess we should go in," she noted. "The team's probably wondering where we are, and you did promise to buy the first round."
"Are you sure?" Robert asked. "I can make an excuse for you if you rather just go home."
"Honestly, I think I'm more worried about leaving the bar alone than I am about going in," Andy explained. "I just…"
Andy looked away as her memories of that night flooded back again. She had been enjoying Jeremy's company. They were laughing and joking, and she had even kissed him. Then, when she told him she didn't want to sleep with him, everything changed. She glanced toward the parking lot, and her car, before shaking her head slightly, as if the physical movement could somehow dislodge the memory.
"I'm just not sure I'll ever be able to walk out of a bar alone again without thinking about what happened," she said simply.
Robert nodded. He didn't need her to explain. He knew what had happened, and while she was kept up at night remembering and questioning, his nightmares were of a different sort. What if she hadn't fought back? Or, what if she hadn't managed to incapacitate Jeremy, and he took his rage out on her? What had happened was awful, but he also knew it could have been a lot worse.
"Well, I don't think Theo or any one of the team is ever going to leave you, or any woman, alone in a bar again, and I'm sure any one of them will be happy to walk you to your car, but if you don't want to ask, just give me a signal, and I'll walk you out," Robert commented.
"A signal? Like pulling on my earlobe or something?" Andy joked.
"Or, you could just say, 'Robert, I want to leave now,'" Robert replied drolly.
"And you're not worried about the rumors that might get started being seen walking in and out of a bar with your ex-wife?" Andy asked.
"Well, I see no problem with 'acting' Captain Sullivan helping out one of his lieutenants who has been having a rough time, but if you're worried about Robert being seen walking Andy out of a bar, I can just tell the bartender to put another round on my tab, and everyone will be too busy drinking to care what you and I are doing."
"You know," Andy commented. "I don't think you're going to have 'acting' as part of your title much longer. That demotion was uncalled for. Everyone knows it."
"We'll see," Robert responded. "I'm just glad I'm getting another chance to prove that I'm capable of leading. 19 might be yours when Ross has to appoint a permanent captain."
Andy shook her head slightly. While she'd love the opportunity to be captain at 19, she was a long way away from feeling ready for that responsibility. She understood why Robert had chosen Maya as captain when she was still grieving Ryan, and he knew about her father's terminal illness. She knew she would be captain someday, and she hoped it would be at 19, but she was ok with waiting until she was in a better place.
As Andy pondered the future, Robert considered their immediate present. Rising from the bench where they sat, he bent one elbow.
"May I?" he asked with a small smile.
Andy stood and placed her hand on his arm. He placed one hand on top of hers, and with the other, reached for the door to the bar.
"Are you ready?" he asked gently.
"Yeah," she said. "Let's do this."
