Hi everybody? Remember me? I know it has been a while since I last published a story, therefore I am not sure if all or even most of my former readers are still here, though I do still get reviews for my old stories. I therefore assume that there might be some people here that will enjoy this one.
I was not exactly planning on writing another fic, but while I was reading a chapter of Flora Gray's excellent story "The Better Man", I felt like Christine was really stuck between a rock and a hard place with these two dunces, and then inspiration struck...
I am not sure about how frequent my updates will be. I have five chapters pre-written, but I will try to write a bit more before I publish all of those, and I just realized that "Gazing Across The Wasted Years" is still missing a final chapter/epilogue of some kind. I guess I will write that first, before undertaking the sixth chapter for this one. So please be patient with me!
Chapter 1 - Aftermath
„Raoul, can we talk? Please?"
At those soft, timid words, a huge grin spread over the young Vicomte's handsome features. He looked up from his book and at the slender young woman standing in the door of his living room. Christine was finally up and about! True, she was now only a shadow of her former self, obviously still heavily shaken by the ordeal they both had gone through barely a week ago thanks to this criminal madman, but at least she had finally left the guest room he had settled her into once they had arrived at the de Chagny mansion that fatal night and from which she had not emerged until now.
But now she stood before him, still pale and nervous, but fully dressed and her hair done in a lovely way. Surely that was a good sign? She was apparently beginning to put the past behind her and to recover from the emotional damage that ugly fiend had caused her.
„Christine, darling! How good to see that you are finally feeling well enough to leave your room, I was getting worried," he beamed at her.
„I did not want to cause you worry," Christine sounded apologetic and somewhat hesitant. „But I needed time for myself. To think."
Now that she looked directly at him Raoul noticed a deep sadness at the bottom of her expressive eyes. He inwardly cursed the monster who was responsible for her distress. He could understand very well how the events of a few nights ago were still troubling her, after all, his own neck was still very raw from the noose that madman had put around it and he was convinced he would never be able to completely shake the memories of that awful night.
How much more his Little Lotte must be affected by all this! She who had had to go as far as …. Raoul almost puked at the thought of Christine actually kissing this... this... monstrosity. Of course he understood that she had done it in a desperate attempt to save his own life, and he was grateful for her sacrifice, but it was beyond him how she had been able to go through with this disgusting kiss without throwing up immediately afterwards. No wonder the poor girl was still heavily traumatized! He would have to shower her with love and spoil her rotten to make her forget the past.
„Sit down, Lotte," he motioned her to a comfortable armchair. „And just relax. Think of the future, and forget the past. Now that you are feeling better, everything will soon be fine again. We can get married as soon as you feel up to it, we will be so happy together, since our love has overcome all the obstacles..."
„Raoul, please," Christine interrupted his enthusiastic depiction of a happily ever after. „That is not what I wanted to discuss with you."
„Maybe not, but I am sure it will do you a lot of good to focus on positive thoughts, such as our upcoming wedding," Raoul smiled at her. „I know that preparing and planning such an event is a great way to take your mind off .. you know what I mean..."
„Raoul, there is a lot I need to tell you," Christine once again tried to get his attention. „But if you keep interrupting me..."
„No, no, certainly not," Raoul hurriedly promised. „But surely our wedding is the most important topic at hand?"
Christine shook her head, sadly. Raoul's current behavior proved beyond any doubt that she was making the right decision, as much as this realization hurt her.
"No," she tried yet again to make Raoul listen. "Will you please let me finish? This is not easy for me, even without you constantly trying to change the topic."
"I am only thinking about what is best for you." Raoul was beginning to feel annoyed. How could Christine not get excited at the prospect of their impending nuptials? And what was it anyway, that she wanted to discuss? Heaven forbid she wanted to talk about that night again!
"You should not dwell upon the past, but rather concentrate on our future together!" He made another attempt to steer the conversation towards their wedding.
"Raoul, will you please stop telling me what is best for me?" Christine spoke with such an intensity that the young Vicomte stared at her in surprise. What had gotten into her? When and how had she suddenly become so assertive?
"I have had enough time to think about everything that has happened," Christine continued, "and I have come to the conclusion that I cannot marry you, Raoul. I am sorry."
She took a deep breath. She had feared that moment, knowing that Raoul would not take her decision well. But the first step was done now. She had found the courage to tell her childhood friend that she wanted to break up their engagement. He would probably not understand her reasons and he would definitely try to make her change her mind, but surely he would have to let her go, or wouldn't he?
"What? Why? Christine are you crazy?" Raoul thought he must have misunderstood her. "Why do you think you cannot marry me? Is it because... I mean, do you think you are somehow soiled, dishonored because of... that you had to endure his... I know why you allowed his filthy mouth... and I therefore won't hold it against you that that scum... in my opinion you are pure and worthy of our family!"
Christine shuddered at hearing Raoul talk like that about her former teacher and the kiss she had shared with her fallen Angel. It almost sounded as if he thought she had engaged in some vulgar obscenities with that man right in front of Raoul.
"I had not even thought about that," she coldly informed Raoul, "but since you have brought it up, this is yet another reason for not marrying you."
"But what?" Raoul asked. "What could possibly make you change your mind about our engagement?" A terrible suspicion suddenly crossed his mind.
"Not him?" he croaked. "You are not going to tell me that you would have preferred that fiend after all?"
Christine shook her head again. "No, I could not marry him either," she explained. "For pretty much the same reasons I cannot marry you. For you see, the two of you are more alike than you think."
"Have you completely lost your mind?" Raoul was now seething with anger. "There is nothing whatsoever I have in common with that murderous freak!"
"Yes, you do have a lot in common." For some reason, the more agitated Raoul was, the calmer Christine became.
"For one, you both keep making decisions for me. You both have very clear ideas of what would be best for me and what I therefore must want. Not necessarily the same thing, since he wanted me to excel in music and to become the soprano of the century, while you think the life of a Vicomtesse and the career of an acclaimed society lady would suit me best. Neither of you has ever bothered to ask me what I, Christine Daaé, would want!"
Raoul felt baffled. He knew about Christine's humble origins, after all he had known her father, that vagabond of a musician. He also knew that life at the theater caused its own kind of problems for a young unattached woman. Therefore Christine should be grateful that he wanted to save her from that milieu that could lead to shame and that he offered her a respectable life in luxury.
"You both made decisions for me," Christine continued, "and sometimes I had the feeling that you were not taking me seriously. Neither of you. You both seemed to think that I am just a little girl that cannot make up her mind and must be told what to do. He even addressed me as child on occasion. But you, too. Take the night of my debut, you more or less wanted to order me to have supper with you, and when I declined, you did not take no for an answer."
She sighed. "You both claim to love me, but at the same time you both make decisions for me, even manipulate me, you simply do not respect me as a person. Neither one of you!"
"I know he is a schemer," Raoul tried to defend himself, "and he certainly has manipulated you, but I never did anything of the sort!"
"Didn't you?" Christine's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "If not manipulation, what was it then, when you made me agree to your plan to act as bait for him? You knew that I did not want to betray his trust like that, despite everything that had happened. So how did you convince me to do it? Every hope and every prayer rests on you now – isn't that what you told me? You made it sound as if it were some religious duty for me to go through with your plan, what with every prayer resting on me. By implying that I would be some kind of savior if I agreed. You knew that my faith is important to me and you used that knowledge to manipulate me into collaborating."
Christine sighed again. "So, you both tried to make decisions for me, you both tried to manipulate me, and last but not least, you both tried to kill each other, you with that plan of yours and him later that night with the noose. Again, neither of you thought what effect such acts of violence would have on me. I can somehow understand that you were both jealous, that neither one could bear the thought of me maybe choosing the other one, but how either one of you could have thought that I would be thrilled about him killing his rival is beyond me."
"But Christine, there is still no reason to call off our engagement," Raoul nervously interjected, desperately trying to save what could be saved. "We can work this through, I mean from now on you tell me what you think is best for you, I probably won't get a chance to kill him anytime soon, and as to manipulating you, I think we can avoid that in the future as well." He gave her his most hopeful puppy-dog look.
"You are doing it again," Christine pointed out. "I just told you what I think is best for me, namely to call off our engagement, and you do not want to accept my decision."
"I am just not convinced that you have really thought it through," Raoul made another attempt to make her change her mind. "After all, where would you go, what would you do, if I allowed you to walk out on me? The restoration of the Opéra Populaire will take months, if not years, you therefore cannot go back to work there, not to mention the fact that thanks to your involvement in the events that lead up to its destruction, they might not want you back. You do not have that much money that you could support yourself on your own indefinitely or at least till you find work again. Therefore marrying me as soon as possible really is your best option!"
"It clearly is not an option at all," Christine explained. She was beginning to feel exhausted. Arguing with Raoul felt like talking to a brick wall. She had expected a fight, knowing how stubborn her friend could be and that he had never learned to accept no as an answer, but not in a thousand years had she expected it to be this hard to make him accept her decision.
"Do not think I made this decision lightly," she continued. "For I have very fond memories of our childhood together in Perros-Guirec, I genuinely like you and I do not want to hurt you. But if nothing else, our discussion now has shown me that I am right, since even after everything I told you, you still do not accept my decision. You still try to manipulate me into changing my mind. If I allowed you to persuade me to marry you anyway, we would never be happy. A relationship can only work if both partners are equal, not if one tries to dominate the other. I should have realized this sooner and should never have accepted your proposal in the first place. I am truly sorry if I got your hopes up by doing so and thus must disappoint you now, but it would be wrong to go through with the marriage. For you as well as for me."
"We do not have to get married immediately," Raoul suggested. "You do not have to make such an important decision now, when you are still on edge after that ordeal. You must calm down first and think about it, once you have fully recovered emotionally from this experience. Maybe then you will realize that your judgment of me is too harsh..."
Christine smiled sadly. She had only one more argument left for making Raoul accept her decision. One she would have preferred not to use, but that stubborn Vicomte left her no choice. It would gain her her freedom, but it would hurt Raoul even further.
"He understood that it could not work," she whispered. "He let me go. Can you not do the same for me?"
Raoul jumped from his seat, his face red with anger. She had found the one point where he was vulnerable. He could not, under no circumstances whatsoever, appear in any way, shape or form inferior to this freak. He therefore had to do what she asked of him, what his rival had done unbidden, he had to let her go.
"Well then," he told her, "if you must, you are free to go. I just hope you will never regret your decision. What are you going to do now anyway, if I may ask?"
"Thank you, Raoul," Christine was truly relieved. "I know this is not easy for you. But I need to find my own way in life. I need some time to myself, to decide what it is I want to do with my life, whether I want to go back to performing or if I will choose a different career. I think I might go home for a while."
"Home?" Raoul asked hopefully, calming down a bit. Maybe all was not yet lost, after all. "To Perros-Guirec?"
Christine shook her head. "No, not Perros. I meant home. My home. Sweden."
"That is not your home anymore," Raoul objected. "You left there when you were a little girl. You don't know anybody there anymore!"
"I do have family there," Christine explained. "And I still speak the language, my father made sure I did not forget it while he was still alive and I have honored his wish by reading the few Swedish books he had over and over again. Also, as the prima donna I was well paid and I have therefore been able to save some money, which will cover my travel expenses and support me for a while till I have figured out what I want to do. You don't need to worry, I will be fine."
"And when...?" Raoul had to fight back tears. Was this really the end, was she truly leaving?
"I have to check trains, but hopefully tomorrow," Christine stated. "Now that we have broken off the engagement it would not be appropriate for me to stay here with you any longer."
Raoul nodded. "Will you write?" he asked.
Christine thought about it for a moment. It was probably best to make a clean cut but she also knew that despite everything Raoul cared for her and would be worried if he did not know how she was doing.
"Once," she finally conceded. "To ensure you that I have safely arrived. But please do not write back, it will be best for us to keep a distance, at least for the time being."
"As you wish," Raoul promised.
"Thank you. I would like to go to the train station now, to check when I can leave and to buy my ticket," Christine said.
"Then this is good-bye?" Raoul's voice wavered. Even though deep down he knew that there was some truth to her words, that he had not treated her much better than this criminal, he had hoped till the very end that he could make her change her mind, somehow repair their relationship, but he could not blame Christine for having enough of that kind of treatment from not one, but two suitors.
Christine nodded. „It's for the best," she said.
„Then I wish you all the best, that you may find what you are looking for," Raoul offered as a way of reconciliation.
Christine smiled at him. „Thank you, Raoul, for everything, for your love and for letting me go. I hope one day you will find a lovely young lady, who will be able to appreciate what you have to offer and who will make you very happy."
She looked at him one last time, then turned around and slowly walked out of his life.
