Chapter Three of "Why Can't I Breathe?"
A/N: OMG, I am SO SO SORRY that I haven't updated this in ages! I've had all of you faithful readers/reviewers and in seven months I haven't made a single notion to attempt to write more for this fic. So with much apologies, I am back to continue this fic.
DISCLAIMER: I dont own Harry or Ruth, or this fic would have really happened. This is just for fun and absolutely no money is being made, nor am I gaining anything from this story.
Now without any further adieu or delay (blushes) let the story continue...
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"That's the funny thing about pregnancy. Mood swings, the back pains, the CRAVINGS..." Ruth mused as she licked off the remaining peanut butter from her spoon. At that, Harry made a stifled noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort and Ruth elbowed him in response as they exchanged looks that were all too familiar to their companions. In celebration of Ruth's pregnancy, Harry had thrown her a surprise baby shower, he had invited the gang from the Grid and of course, Ruth's mother Gail, who had apparently decided that she should be civil to him on account of Ruth's 'fragile' state. They had been very busy with work during the early days of her pregnancy and when she had told him about it, it had come as a huge surprise. A father again at 53! Yes, it was a huge but welcome shock.
"How far along are you anyway, Ruth? Six, seven months?" Jo asked politely yet annoyingly naively as she sipped some of her drink. There wasn't a moment's hesitation before Ruth answered.
"Eight months and three weeks, actually, which explains why I look like I've swallowed the new GCHQ building," Ruth said jokingly, earning a few wide-eyed stares from Zaf, Adam and Jo. She smiled down at her indeed large belly and rested folded hands on top of it.
"The midwives tell me that it gets a lot worse before it gets better but I don't understand what can be worse than swollen ankles, cramps and the loss of the ability to see your own feet!" This comment elicited appreciative laughs from everyone sitting at the table except for Mrs. Evershed, who had a comment of her own. "You shouldn't be complaining, when I carried you, you were ten days late. And in the end I needed a C-section anyway, imagine that." Ruth cringed inwardly at the mention of a C-section, she wasn't a big fan of going under the blade, especially when it came to where her baby was concerned. Thankfully Harry took the initiative to steer the conversation down a different path as he could sense her discomfort.
"Hopefully everything will go alright, the due date's in a few more weeks. Shouldn't be long now." Harry leaned back in his chair and took his wife's hand under the table. She smiled to herself, glad that he was so protective of her at times. "Yes, I shall write down the exact date later so that I can be there to help," Mrs. Evershed piped in excitedly, "I'll be there every second of it to help Ruth pull through!" While her mother's heartfelt proclaimation was meant to be reassuring, nothing of the latter emotion came to mind. Harry nodded at her, hoping that she wasn't serious but Ruth knew her mother would have nothing of it. The waiter brought dessert at that moment, a small bowl of vanilla ice cream with hot fudge on the top and a brownie. Everyone dug into the delicious sweetness of the ice cream as Adam continued the conversation, and the waiter began clearing the table of everyone's lunch plates.
"Yeah, when Fiona gave birth to Wes, she was about the same size as you Ruth, and her parents came to help. In fact, she wanted me to leave at first and just have her parents there, can you believe that? The doctors almost kicked me out of the room before she changed her mind." Ruth grinned at her mind's portrayal of how Adam must have looked at that moment and then felt a litle saddened at the mention of the late Fiona. The mood seemed to have dampened a little too, as the waiter brought the check and Harry went to take care of it. In the meantime, Ruth went over the presents they had all given her again.
The first gift was from her mother, and it was 2 wool blankets that were supposed to have had the baby's name embroidered on but since they hadn't decided on a name yet, Mrs. Evershed left them untouched. She appreciated the gift and vowed silently to herself that she would use it sometime during her child's infancy. The second gift was from Adam, Jo and Zaf and was in a huge box that they had put on the floor so it wouldn't get in the way of their table. It was a carrying basket, a set of baby clothes and bottles, the necessities of child care from her three favorite people. The third present was quite odd-looking from the outside and was from Malcom, he had given it to Adam to give to her because he couldn't make it to the party. When she unwrapped it at first she was delighted to find a large jar of peanut butter with a little card stuck on the front. It read, 'I know you mentioned that there wasn't enough peanut butter in the world to satisfy you, but hopefully this jar will keep you occupied just a little bit longer. Malcom x' The last and fourth was from Catherine who also couldn't be there, she was still in Israel and according to her very busy with a new documentary. She had sent a baby themed scrap-booking kit with a kind card, she could tell that Harry was touched that his older daughter had sent something even if she couldn't be there. Despite the small amount of presents she had received, Ruth was content knowing that there were people who cared about her enough to throw her a party like this, even if she didn't want one in the first place.
Everything was winding down and Adam stood, followed by Jo and Zaf as they prepared to leave since each of them had other plans for the rest of the day. Harry stood too and saw them off out the door, insisting that Ruth stay seated 'for the baby's sake' with her mum. Ruth waved them off, a tiny bit ticked off that Harry used this as an opportunity to get away from her mum and left her behind.
"He's a good man, dear. Even if I didn't think so when I first met him, I see that he's good enough for you after all." The remark caused Ruth's eyes to fly wide open and she stared at her mum incredulously. "That's the man who you heckled for months before you so much as stopped giving him dirty looks everytime he held a door open for you!"
"Don't shout Ruth, it doesn't become you. What would your father say? If he was alive, he-"
"Oh don't make this about father, if he was still alive he would have divorced your blooming as-"
Harry had come back to find both of the Evershed women in the middle of a small row, but wasn't very surprised. Mrs. Evershed stood to her full five feet and seven inches and sniffed. Her dark blue eyes held a bit of motherly resentment and hurt, while Ruth's entire body language was that of a disrespectful daughter. If he didn't have such excellent self control, he would have chuckled at the sight of them but he knew that if this didn't stop soon, he would end up regretting inviting the Mrs.
"I suppose we could slowly start getting ready..." Both women looked up at him and suddenly he felt outnumbered. Ruth shook it off and stood, using both hands on the arms of the chair to rise and Harry moved to help her up. Mrs. Evershed had gathered most of the gifts except for the jar of crunchy peanut butter; Ruth had since unwrapping it consumed one fourth of the jar, The morose waiter who had served their group waved goodbye as the trio left the restaurant.
Harry's car was parked around the corner, they had to walk a bit before they got to it. The outside air was thick and smoggy, and the temperature was unusually hot, the weather felt more like summer than ever. Even in a breezy tank top, Ruth still felt like her skin was melting off. When she got into the car, she knew what the word 'inferno' truly meant. And to make matters worse, her mum planned on staying overnight with them. The two of them couldn't go five minutes without some kind of row popping up between them, how Ruth had grown up with this woman as a parent without killing herself had become a total mystery.
(sometime that night, and several scoops of peanut butter later)
"You should limit yourself Ruth, after your pregnancy you'll have lots of trouble working off the baby weight if you carry on like that." Mrs. Evershed warned morbidly as Ruth downed yet more peanut butter off a spoon. She had finished the jar Malcom sent and started on a smaller tub that was tiny compared to Malcom's but filled with her favorite food. She scoffed after swallowing and glared at her mum. It was 9:00 pm and Harry still wasn't home. He had gone to Thames House for a last minute briefing with the other section heads and didn't disclose to her what it was about, thus having fueled her minor depression. She had felt so cut out of the loop ever since she went on maternity leave, her job used to be her life and she remembered telling Tom Quinn that she was happy with it. That statement wasn't true anymore, now she would have a family to care for, and her job paled in comparison to that.
"My last jar, I promise." She said, screwing the cap back on and setting it beside the others that were empty on the coffe table in front of her. Ruth leaned back onto the cushions of the sofa, feeling the weight of her baby as it pressed into her back. Her hand moved absently to her abdomen and her mum made a clucking noise. "You'll make me anxious if you keep that up. I've never stopped worrying about you, you know. You're all I have left."
The remark caused Ruth to look up and meet her mum's eyes that were so similar to her own, and she saw herself reflected in their depths. She came to a guilty realization that the reason her mum bugged, nagged, and worried relentlessly about her throughout her entire life was because she loved her, even if it was a peculiar, annoying way of showing it. And what had she gotten in return? Insults, retaliation, and alienation.
Peter had been her other son, though not in blood and when he died she recalled that that was when her mother began checking up on her so often, like the time when she showed up unannounced at hers and Harry's flat one random Saturday morning months ago. There was a look in her eye that day, Ruth remembered that her mother had recognized the tell tale signs of pregnancy without her revealing so. Something to do with her unusual 'radiance' and the obvious weight gain. Harry didn't pick up on her mum's perceptiveness, it was something only a mother and daughter could share.
"Well, I'm off to bed, I have a long drive tomorrow morning. Goodnight Ruth." She stood and stretched, but before she could leave Ruth stopped her. For the first time in ten years, Ruth said something she didn't think she would ever say to her mum again.
"I love you mum. And I'm really, very sorry that I got short with you earlier." She was met with silence for a moment, but she noticed the tears welling up in her mum's normally piercing eyes.
"I love you too Ruth." She kissed her daughter on the forehead and made her way up the stairs to her temporary bedroom, leaving Ruth alone in the sitting room with her thoughts. They began to drift in another direction, like where the hell her husband could be at this time of night. He'd been gone for hours and she hadn't received any calls from him which was weird because he made a habit of letting her know where he was at all times in case she needed him. A strangled gasp worked its way out of her dry throat, as her legs began to cramp up. "Damn it," she muttered when she tried to bend her body so she could reach her legs to massage them but she had no such luck. Another shooting pain surged through her body except this time it traveled quickly down her spine, a result of the position she attempted to assume. On top of that, the outside temperature hadn't really cooled down and she still felt as though her face was melting off. "Oh, damn it all to HELL!"
That was where Harry found Ruth. Embarrassment set in and an angry blush spread through her cheeks that were pale and ashy moments before as she huffed indignantly. And he hadn't even said anything yet.
"If this is going to be another 'for the baby' lectures, don't waste your breath." Harry sat on the arm of the sofa with his trademark expression, a raised eyebrow and a tilted mouth. "I was only going to apologize for not getting back early like I said. The meeting took longer than we anticipated and some complications came up." Ruth sighed and leaned against him, burying her face in the crook of his arm. Her response was somewhat muffled.
"Oh, Im sorry Harry. It's just..." She felt him tense and place his hands on her shoulders as he asked urgently, "Are you alright? What about the baby?" She faced him and smiled.
"We're fine. Both of us. It's my back that's killing me. She's sitting right on my sciatic nerve!" Ruth felt rather than heard his deep chuckle as she wrapped both arms around him and resumed her former position. She was a tiny bit discouraged when he disentagled himself from her embrace but was rewarded when he slipped his hands beneath her shirt and began massaging her shoulders. She was so focused on her back pains that she didn't realize how tightly coiled her shoulder muscles were.
Harry's thumbs pressed gently into her skin, eliciting tiny pin pricks of delicious pain that slowly and eventually turned into pleasure. She leaned back into his touch, selfishly welcoming what he was giving her. His warm hands moved down from her shoulders to her mid back. The initial shock of pressure caused her to arch her back but she relaxed again once she grew accustomed to the feel.
"So how's your mother?"
"Huh?" She opened her eyes that had been half closed, and tried to grasp what he was saying. "I asked you your mother is." Ruth couldn't see him but she knew she would find a smug look on his face if she turned around and looked. Another one of his habits was taking pleasure in pleasing her, and his massage was definitely getting the job done.
"She's...sleeping. Oh, yes right there..." She shut her eyes again as he found a particularly tense knot in her back and began to work it over.
"You two didn't rip each other to shreds while I was gone?" Ruth smiled as she thought of their simple yet touching reconciliation. Never in a million years would she have seen that one coming. "No, actually. It's all rather pleasant now."
"Really? That's good to hear." She nodded as she finally let go and allowed herself to enjoy what he was doing for her. Harry didn't ask her to elaborate, he sensed that something significant had happened and he didn't want to be nosy. She'd tell him later.
"Harry?"
"Yes?"
"We haven't thought of a name. For our daughter." He remained silent for a moment as she moved away from him so he could sit next to her. She patted the space beside her as he gladly settled into the sofa. "We haven't really had a serious discussion I suppose."
"No," She muttered softly as he wrapped an arm around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder. "I was thinking something like...Juliet?"
"Now I know something's definitely wrong with you." Harry muttered, thinking of the woman Ruth was referring to. " I was joking!" He gave her a teasing squeeze and they both laughed. "Maybe...Anna. Or Sara."
"Elizabeth?" He looked at her and they both said "Nah..."
"Isabelle." Ruth said suddenly. Harry considered it for a moment and smiled. "I like it." Ruth nodded triumphantly. "Isabelle it is then."
"It's not as if we have to rule out all the other ones we like. We'll use them for the next baby." Harry said suggestively. Ruth grinned and tried not to get herself too worked up. She was after all nearly nine months pregnant in the way.
She giggled and elbowed him, he shrugged but the look on his face didn't go away. "Now, now, control yourself, my husband. Remember the doctor said we can't have anything like that, not when it's so close..." Harry smiled and held her a bit tighter. "I am, aren't I."
"What?"
"Your husband. I like how you say it, say it again please."
"My...husband." Ruth kissed his cheek and smiled dreamily.
They sat in comfortable silence, each pondering their seemingly perfect new world, and the reality of it all. He put a gentle hand on her belly, hoping to feel their child quicken but there was nothing. A frown creased his face as she plucked his hand from her stomach. "You're going to make her kick, and she's been very good lately." As if on cue, Ruth felt a tiny yet powerful kick from the child inside her. Apparently he felt it too, and a look came over his face. She guessed that it was something along the lines of pride.
"She hasn't been as active has she?" Ruth rolled her eyes and snuggled further into him. She never really understood why men gave off so much body heat, even though she found it quite nice most of the time. "Well, I think she's beginning to position herself headfirst, so she has less room to move."
There was silence for a few moments, with only the grandfather clock ticking in the background.
"Sometimes I feel guilty for...this." She met his indeed remorseful gaze as if trying to decipher what he was trying to say, so she finished his sentence.
"What, for knocking me up?"
"Must you put everything so crudely?" He snapped and then apologized. "You look so uncomfortable all the time. I wish I could spare you the pain." Ruth smiled at him, knowing that he was being truthful if not a bit silly. "Harry, carrying your baby is a pleasure. I don't know how I can convince you, but believe me I wouldn't trade anything in the world for this." She moved his hand back up to her round belly and he felt their daughter give supportive kicks as if to emphasize her mother's point.
"Tell me what you want Ruth, what you really, really want. I want to make you happy."
"You already are making me happy. You're all I ever wanted really, the baby is a gigantic bonus," this brought a boyish, almost shy smile to his face, "But in the mean time, could you go out to the store tomorrow morning and get me some more crunchy peanut butter? And keep on massaging me, you're so good at that."
Harry leaned in and met her lips, chuckling into her mouth. Ruth returned the favor and opened herself up to him. Her life right now just couldn't get any better.
Harry pulled away when she sat up ramrod straight.
Ruth made a 'umph' noise as she grabbed her stomach. A searing pain rippled through her, one that she realized was probably her first contraction. She could feel the tell-tale amniotic sac breaking and releasing the fluid in a heated gush.
"Wha...what the hell! This is happening too early! Harry, get my mum-"
Her normally unflappable, Section-head of a husband was flapped and completely useless. He sat beside her, fear filling his eyes as she shouted louder this time.
"HAROLD BARTHOLOMEW PEARCE, IF YOU DON'T MOVE YOUR ASS SOON I'M GOING TO HAVE YOUR CHILD ON THIS SOFA!" She seemed to break through to him as he sprang up and quickly disappeared up the stairs in search of Mrs. Evershed. Ruth gripped a cushion with white knuckles as the first pain slowly subsided but then was replaced with a second, more powerful contraction.
It was going to be a very long night.
TBC
A/N: Please r and r! Once again, much apologies for not updating sooner!
