A/N: Sorry for such the long wait…I don't know why it's taking so long for my chapters to flow…--sigh—I think I'll blame
the writer's block…
Rating: M! Yep, sexual content…and I ain't jokin…there's actually sexual content. And…it's descriptive…very descriptive. R&R, let me know how I did on my second sex scene ever…plus there's language…and drama…but I can't give it an M for that…
Chapter 13: "I think that'd be the icing on top of the deathly painful cake."
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Friday May 13, 2004
LVPD CSI Crime Lab
Grissom's Office
5:03 p.m.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Gil Grissom sat at his desk and tried to sort through all of the paperwork that had piled up on his desk from the last few weeks. He hated paperwork…it was annoying…and he always obtained paper cuts when completing it. He said and prayed for a reverie from it.
"Griss?" Sara asked as she knocked on his door. Grissom looked up to see her beautiful face. God had answered…in the best way possible. He smiled and nodded her in.
"Yes?"
"I uh…I was just wondering…could I have the night off?" Sara asked cautiously.
Grissom looked up at her shocked. Sara Sidle had just asked for time off. Ask…as in the voluntary notion of the gaining of knowledge. "Uh…I don't know, Nick is still out…I'd have to see how the night goes…Sara," She looked up at him knowing what question was coming, and visibly dreading, "Can I ask why?"
She shifted her weight uncomfortably and looked anywhere but his eyes. "Uh…why?"
Grissom stared at her a moment. "If it has an extreme level of importance than I'll let you go and bring in Nick…"
She stared at him for a minute then sighed softly. "I have a date." She said barely loud enough for him to hear. Grissom's jaw slowly fell and he stared at her in disbelief. This was more outrageous than her asking for time off.
Grissom couldn't say anything…he was speechless. She turned and left his office in silence. Grissom wanted to call out, to stop her…to beg her to reconsider this whole dating thing…but no words would form. He sighed and looked down, feeling like an idiot.
He saw his planner open on his desk and glanced at today's date…Friday the 13th…the unluckiest day of the year. "Irony…"
"Can be a bitch." Greg finished walking in the door. Grissom looked up to see the younger man's restless face.
"Greg?"
"The one and only, much to my dismay at the moment." He grumbled and plopped down into the chair in front of Grissom's desk. Greg looked much older than he was…he had heavy, darks circles under his eyes, his hair was messier than usual, and the unusual appearance of scruff graced his normally bare chin…Grissom didn't even know he could grow facial hair.
"Greg…are you okay?" Grissom asked in an uncharacteristic way.
Greg shook his head. "No man…no I'm not."
Grissom looked up to see that his office door was closed before he continued. "Did you get any sleep?"
Greg shook his head. "No…Jen and I got into a fight."
"Jen? The waitress that Anna works with?" Greg nodded. "You two are dating?"
"Since Tuesday."
"At the party at Anna's?"
Greg nodded. "We hooked up afterwards…we got into a fight last night."
Grissom's curios side over rode his usual 'hell-will-care' attitude. "About what?" Grissom asked with genuine concern and interest.
"Griss…have you ever had a pregnancy scare?"
Grissom's eyes bulged. "Oh God Greg. Don't tell me you've been dating her for three days and you've already gotten her pregnant."
"Nah…but we thought we were, pregnant I mean." Grissom nodded and stared at him urging him on. "So we went out to get a pregnancy test, luckily it came back negative…but she asked me a hypothetical question."
"What if you had actually gotten her pregnant?"
Greg nodded. "How did you know?"
Grissom gave a heavy sigh and leaned forward. "I've been there before."
"What did you answer?"
"I didn't. She saw the look on my face and knew…she kicked me out and never spoke to me again."
"Damn…I wish it had been that simple for me. Jen asked me and I answered honestly."
"Abortion."
Greg nodded. "She flipped. She cried and kicked me out. I tried to go home but I couldn't sleep. So I went to go talk to Nick and Anna. Ya know, Nick is 'Mr. Dependable' and Anna's her BFF. So…Nick tried to explain to me my consecutive series of big 'uh-ohs'…pissing off Ann's best friend being the first…my second mistake was actually leaving."
"Did they happen to mention falling in love?"
Greg chuckled and sat back. "That obvious?"
"Well let's look at the evidence, you reluctantly left, went to talk to her best friend knowing that she'd be pissed, listening to the facts and errors of your ways, couldn't sleep, couldn't shower, couldn't eat." Greg looked at him questioningly. "Your stomach hasn't stopped rumbling since you got here." He tossed an apple on his desk at the younger man. "And you feel horrible…when any man has been kicked out from the dreaded subject of abortion…unless they love her, they don't fret. They just wanna get out of there and forget the horrible situation ASAP."
Greg sighed and rested his head in his hands. "Nick says to just give her time…talk to her when she's ready and try to show her that I do care, and that I'd be man enough to stick around and not crap out when times got tough."
"You know where taking that route will lead you don't you?"
Greg shook his head. "I think we're talking about different roads."
"Ah, well, she think that if you freak out and want to take the easy road out of a tough situation that really involves you…if something else comes along, in her mind, why wouldn't you just take off…she's gone into self preservation mode. She thinks you won't be there for her when she needs you most…so she's bailing before you do."
"You got all that from an unshaven face?"
"And the look of loneliness in your eye…I know it well."
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Delmarco Residence
6:23 p.m.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Anna rolled over on her side and sighed in her sleep as she snuggled in further to the bed. She felt an arm wrap around her waist and draw her towards a strong, muscular body that wasn't there when she had fallen asleep. She smiled and inhaled the familiar, masculine scent; wrapping her arms around the body she knew well and sighed again. "Either you are extremely content lying next to me or you're bored out of your mind." The deep Southern voice drawled.
Anna chuckled in a husky, sleepy voice, "Regan said that contentment was defined as, a state of mind in which one's desires are confined to his lot whatever it may be." Anna informed him and Nick chuckled.
"Well…let's hope that's not it."
"Well it ain't the second one either."
"So…"
"So, I'm satisfied."
"Satisfied?" Nick asked slightly shocked. "We haven't had sex."
She chuckled. "No, no we haven't. Not physically anyway."
"What?" Nick asked chuckling. He opened his eyes to look at her and she did the same.
"Well…the Greeks tend to be very religious, spiritual people right?"
"Yeah."
"So this shouldn't really come as a shock to you. I think that we've actually had sex spiritually."
"And I know we have mentally." Nick drawled and she chuckled. Nick reached over and grabbed her arm to pull her on top of him. She chuckled again as he held her on top of him with one hand as his other hand traveled down her back, over the large curve of her butt, and rested on the back of her thigh just below her butt.
"Yes, our dirty minds have definitely had sex…but I think spiritually we have had sex, we've thought about it enough, we've tried enough, we're on the same level of sexuality…we just haven't consummated the relationship." She explained.
"Hmm…makes sense." He replied as she moved to sit up on him. She was straddling his waist as she sat on his lap and placed her hands on his chest and smiled down at him as he pushed her long, brown, curly hair behind her ears.
"Yep." She chuckled when she something hard against her thigh and she smiled at him. He wiggled his eyebrows and asked,
"So…how am I 'spiritually'?" A smug smirk graced his handsome face. She scoffed and rolled off of him, only to have him grab her hand and roll her back on top of him, sitting her back down as she was before. "Come on, do I rock our spiritual bed?" Nick asked jokingly and Anna laughed.
"You're a piece of work, you know that?" She replied and Nick moved his hands from her hair to stroke her cheek. She tried to suppress a smile as he gently brought her head down so he could kiss her. She moved her hands from his chest to slide underneath him and rest under his back. His hands went from her neck, down her back, to her butt and he grabbed at the thick flesh that he found. He gripped her ass tighter and held her hard against his erection as he pushed his hips into her pelvis.
She moaned and rolled her hips, grinding them into his. Nick brought his hands to her back and braced her as he rolled over and he was now lying on top of her. She paused a minute and stiffened, but then continued kissing him and ran her hands through his brown hair and played with the scruff that he had yet to shave off from the night they had spent apart. He tugged at her green booty shorts and fumbled with the drawstring. "Wait," She broke apart from him. "Where's Regan?"
"Uhh…I think she's still doing her homework for the weekend." Nick answered.
Anna bit her bottom lip. "Having sex is risky enough, but having her walk in…"
"We weren't gonna have sex."
"We weren't?" She asked confused.
"Yeah, I know periods are the window for the end of ovulation, but Griss and I worked this case where a girl got pregnant because she and her boyfriend had sex when she was on her period and they thought she wouldn't get pregnant."
Anna gaped at him. "Holy shit."
Nick chuckled. "Yeah, and while I want kids someday…I don't think I want that to be for a while yet."
Anna smirked. "So you were gonna tease me?"
"What, like you haven't done it to me enough times before?" Nick accused and Anna blushed. "But no…" Nick said in a husky voice and let his head drop to her neck as his hands went down her torso and begged her legs apart as one hand slipped into her shorts and cupped her crotch, outside her underwear. She gasped and arched her back to meet his while moaning his name.
"Nicky…"
"Shhh…baby, be quiet." Nick chuckled as he whispered and withdrew his hand. She growled and pushed her hips into his. "Anna…" Nick warned. "What about Regan?" Anna immediately withdrew from him and rolled out from under him. Nick looked at her confused. "Where are you goin?" He drawled, his pupils dilated with passion.
"To check on Regan." Anna answered and slipped on her slippers. Nick watched as her remarkable ass swayed when she walked away and he got a boyish grin on his face. He rolled back on the bed and listened as Anna's soft, sweet voice spoke to Regan, and the young girl answered. The held a conversation for a few minutes, then Anna began to laugh, and Nick heard her coming back to the room. She smiled at whatever Regan had said and closed the door. Nick waited anxiously for her from her bed and she closed the curtains of her door to the patio. She slipped out of her slippers and crawled back into the bed. Nick took her by the hand and pulled her back to him.
He laid next to her and stroked her soft cheek. "What's Regan up to?"
"She's still doing her homework, and then she has to work on a project about bugs…" Anna shivered and Nick chuckled. "So we're calling Grissom later to see if he can come over tomorrow to help her out with it."
"And until then…"
Anna smirked. "She's working on the project to get as much as she can done tonight. She said that you made diner for her earlier." Nick nodded and she kissed him. "Thank you. But ya see…I don't know how I can thank you properly." She informed him in a sexy voice.
Nick smirked and rolled her over, bracing himself above her. "How about closing your eyes and staying still."
She shifted slightly uncomfortably underneath him and tried to keep up their 'game'. "How about open eyes and cooperation."
Nick chuckled. "Deal." He kissed the sensitive spot on her neck and she sucked in a breath and clawed at his shirt. He caressed the soft skin of her hips and gently slid her shorts down her long, tan legs. She moved her legs and pushed the fabric off of her feet. Nicks hands went under her shirt and pushed the material up to her chest. She lifted her arms and he pulled it off of her. He reached underneath her and unclipped the light blue bra and took it off of her, exposing her barely B breasts. He attacked one of them with his mouth and bit at her nipple. She moaned softly and pushed him off of her breast.
"Biscuit…no biting." Nick nodded and waited for her to nod before he continued kissing down her chest and stomach. He licked her naval and trailed down to her light blue thong, where he stopped. He looked up to her and saw she was biting her lip to keep from crying out. Nick began kissing back up to her cleavage and then back to her mouth. She whimpered and Nick let his hand slip into her underwear. "Wait." She said again and Nick stopped and pulled his hand away. She pushed him off of her and rolled off the bed and ran into the bathroom. She disappeared behind the right side of the wall and he heard her fiddling with the trash can, and then she came back out and rolled back underneath him. "Okay."
Nick went back for her mouth and his hand slipped back into her underwear and caressed the skin above her crotch. He held the fabric of her thong in his hand and he pulled it down her legs so that she was completely naked. She moaned into his mouth, sending him over the edge and he slipped his finger inside of her warm, wet walls. He began sucking on her neck and she rolled her pelvis into his hand. He cupped her and gently slid his finger in and out, then slipping a second finger in. She cried out and Nick pressed his mouth back into hers to silence her as to not alert Regan. He continued sliding his fingers in and out and then a third one dipped in.
She lurched her hips forward, pushing his fingers in further and Nick continued his motions. She whimpered and moaned as she rocked her body into his, begging more of him. She clawed at his shirted back and moved her mouth away from his to kiss neck. She braced her feet on the bed and continuously thrust her hips into his hands gaining a quicker motion of his fingers, and he began twisting and wiggling them. She panted and moaned and continued rolling her body. Nick let his other hand roamed up and down her body and it landed on her breast where he massaged it and rolled her sensitive nipple between his thumb and index finger.
She cried out against his shirt and trailed her hands down his shirt and to the waistband of his jeans, where she tugged them and slipped her two fingers in the front and yanked his hips into her stomach. "Baby…I can't." Nick reasoned knowing what she wanted. She whimpered and kissed his neck and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her. Nick's hand that was on her breast went under her back and brought her body up to his and pressed her into him. She rubbed her bare chest into his shirted one. She yanked the shirt off of him and kissed down his chest, driving him wild. He moaned and buried his head in her neck and whispered, "You have to be quiet or Regan's gonna come in here." Knowing from the past fifteen minutes that she was easily excited and didn't mind expressing that.
She calmed down a minute and nodded. Nick slipped a fourth finger in, creating a rounder shape and began his motions again. She cried out into his shoulder and rocked her hips into his hand and tried her hardest not to loose control. She was trembling against him and Nick looked at her to make sure she was okay. She was moaning and panting hard, on the edge of a climax. She bit her lip again to keep from crying out and Nick quickened his pace. She buried her head in Nick's shoulder and her hot breath down his back sent shivers through him. She cried out his name, muffled by his shoulder and Nick's pace quickened and his fingers began an erotic dance. After close to ten more minutes Nick finally pulled his fingers out of her and she collapsed back against the sheets, sweating profusely and panting. She tried to form words, but couldn't. Nick rolled over onto his back and let her catch her breath. Nick was panting himself and he turned his head to look at the beautiful, truly satisfied, sweaty woman next to him.
She pulled herself over to him and sat up on his lap, straddling him like she had before. Nick raised his eyebrow at her becoming slightly nervous. He looked at her curiously as she scooted down him slightly and undid the button of his jeans. She tugged them down his legs and moved out of the way so she could pull them all the way down and off. She leaned down and kissed him straight on the mouth and slid her hand into his boxers and grabbed his hard member. Nick gasped at first, but then relaxed against her soft touch. She wrapped her fingers around him and began to slowly move them up and down. He pulled his mouth away and threw his head back, beginning to pant. She kissed his neck and gradually quickened her movements. She squeezed slightly and Nick gasped again and gripped her hips tightly, realizing how hard it was to not cry out in pleasure. It had been years, when he lived at home, since he had to control himself and his moans.
Anna quickened her movements still and scooted down him further and began to leave a trail of kisses from his neck, down his chest, and his happy trail. She continued with her quick movements, and bent her head down and covered his thick heavy member with her mouth. She pulled her hair to the side and out of the way so that he could see what she was doing, a trick she learned was very effective. Sure enough, Nick was struggling to stay still and brace himself up on his forearms. He felt her tongue caress his thick shaft and he moaned her name again. "Anna…God baby." She pulled away from him and pushed him slightly, so that he moved up the bed and was sitting up.
She felt his hips twitch again and she quickened the pace of her mouth and her tongue caressed him more. He groaned again and she felt that he was almost ready to cum. She continued her movements, and soon her mouth was filled. She gulped it down and smiled at him deviously. She wiped her mouth and pulled her face away, as she crawled back up him; collapsing against his chest.
They were both breathing hard and he enveloped her in his strong, sweaty arms. She reached out and grabbed his shirt off the bed and slid it on. Nick sighed and brought her body to his and held her there. She sighed and snuggled into him, loving the feel of his sweaty, satisfied body against hers. She wrapped her thin arms around his body and ran her fingers through his hair. She chuckled. "What?" Nick asked in a husky voice.
"I just realized something…"
"What?"
"Today is Friday the 13th…"
Nick scoffed and kissed her forehead. "So much for bein unlucky."
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Delmarco Residence
9:18 p.m.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Nick rolled over in the bed to feel around for the woman that had fallen asleep next to him, but felt nothing but sheets. He opened his eyes and looked around the room, and saw the alarm clock read 9:18 p.m.
He moaned and sat up in bed and looked around the dark room for Anna. He didn't see her anywhere, and he kicked back the covers to see her panties and, his jeans, and her booty shorts. He chuckled and climbed out of bed, throwing on his jeans as he went. He poked his head out of the door and saw Regan's door was still closed. He stepped out of the room and walked through the house and into the kitchen, where Anna was sitting on the counter in her robe from earlier, with her back to him, watching the television and waiting for the water in the teapot to boil. Her hair was damp and he could tell from the faint smell of her lavender scented soap that she had taken a shower.
Nick walked into the kitchen and rounded the counter to face her. He let his hands rest on her thighs and he looked into her green eyes. She simply stared at him and blinked, blankly. Nick brushed the stray curl that had escaped from her clip out of her face and kissed her lightly. She pulled away only a few seconds into the kiss and looked at him, still blank. She looked back at the television screen and sighed, barely audibly. Nick looked at the screen to see what had her so entranced. Nothing special, just some old black and white movie.
Nick looked at her, concern lacing his handsome face. She couldn't look him in the eye, and that scared Nick. "Hey…" He jostled her arms slightly and she dragged her Amazon eyes to his soulful brown ones. "…Anna, Darlin what's wrong?" He asked concerned about her.
She bit her lip and looked down at her hands. Nick grabbed her smaller hands in his fist and brought them to his lips to lay a soft kiss on them. "Honey please talk to me." He begged and she looked him in the eye and he saw her eyes well up with tears.
"Mac…" She began softly and tried to finish while keeping her composure. Her face grew disoriented but no tears fell as Nick waited for her to finish. "Mac was held at gun point at the diner…" She said and didn't look Nick in the eye. Nick felt his heart fall…he knew what that felt like…and though he didn't know much about Mac, he knew that he was a big part of Anna's life, and would do anything for her. Nick stroked Anna's cheek and she continued. "He's been rushed to the OR…the bullet is lodged in his liver." Nick winced and Anna continued. "…he uh, he knew the guy…"
Nick looked at her, knowing this was bad…and Anna was having a hard time. She looked at the television again and sniffled back her tears. Nick brought his hands to cup her cheeks and slid up and down her neck and shoulders. "Anna…honey…"
She screwed up her face in emotional pain but refused to let the tears fall. She looked up at the ceiling and shook her head while Nick wiped away the invisible tears. "…he said it was Josh." She whispered and Nick stared at her in horror. She hung her head and Nick enveloped her in his arms and held her there. She didn't cry…although nick knew she wanted to, she couldn't bring herself to cry. Nick looked back at her, "They said…I was his emergency contact…but he asked not to see me. This is my fault Nick."
"No, no it's not."
"Nick!" She said more forcefully than she intended. "Mac, Jen, Carol, Brooke, Al…they were all there. Josh came looking for me. I went to find me…it was supposed to be my night to work but Jen took over because she didn't want to have to face Greg. And now…"
"Is she okay?"
"Bullet ricocheted off her arm…she's got heavy blood loss…Brooke just had a baby, a little girl named Allison, and now that little baby won't be able to play with her mom because a bullet is lodged in her artery and she's in a vegetable state. Carol was three months pregnant…her boyfriend didn't even know yet…and now he's not going to. Jen has Greg and they've still gotta get their shit figured out…Al can't walk and Mac…Mac's hanging by a thread…and I can't even see him because he doesn't want me there."
She broke down and started crying hysterically while Nick wrapped his arms around her and laid her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair and rocked her in his arms. "Anna…" Was all Nick could say. He was normally the one you'd turn to if you needed to be comforted…but when it came to Anna's emotional break downs, it upset him so much to see her so hurt and vulnerable. She sniffled and pulled away from him and looked him in the eye. Her hair slipped from behind her ear and fell into her face, so Nick brushed it back and caressed her cheek.
"He's not gonna stop…he's gonna keep coming after people I care about until he gets me back. In whatever form that may be." Anna replied and Nick shook his head, not wanting to entertain that thought.
"No…maybe it wasn't Josh. Maybe it was someone else who looked like Josh maybe Mac just didn't get a good-"
"Nick…it was Josh. Everyone recognized him. When the CSIs get to the scene they're gonna match the bullet casings to Josh's gun…but they won't have any idea where he is…he'll just disappear. That's what he does. He intimidates, he hurts, he destroys, he leaves, he waits, and he comes and does it again…"
Nick stared at her beginning to get angry. "Anna you're talking about this like we're all already dead…you need to calm down. Just wait it out."
"Wait it out?" She said in a deep sharp voice. "Wait it out! Nick my friends are in the hospital because my lunatic ex-boyfriend has got a screw loose and is obsessed with making my life fucking miserable!" She shouted and shoved him away from her as she jumped off the counter and stormed out of the kitchen. Nick chased after her as she threw open the sliding glass door and stomped onto the patio. It was extremely dark and Anna could barely see two feet in front of her, so she stopped on the patio. Nick ran after her and grabbed her arm and spun her around.
"Hey!" Nick shouted, not appreciating the situation and her tone. She jerked her arm from his grasp but Nick caught her other one. "Anna stop. I understand you're angry but don't yell at me." Nick said firmly and Anna sighed and wiped her cheeks, it was only then that Nick realized she had still been crying. She gave a sob and shook her head.
"I'm sorry." She said and Nick let his grip move from her forearm to her hand. He pulled her towards his strong frame and he held her in his arms and rubbed his hands along her back.
"It's okay Sweetheart." He said soothingly and she broke down again. She cried into his shoulder and Nick felt his heart break. He hated it when women cried…it tore him apart. And when it was a woman he loved as much as he loved Anna…it was torture. Nick held her tighter and brought his head to her neck and pecked her ticklish spot. She sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck. Nick picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist and kept her head buried in his neck, praying to God that she was sleeping and this was all one horrible dream, and she would wake up any minute.
Nick walked into the sliding door that led to her bedroom, and he laid her down gently on her cloud like bed. She simply lay there, making no move to roll over or get comfortable. Nick stood above her and fixed her robe so that her decency was kept. She reached out for his hand and yanked him on top of her roughly. She held him to her body and began kissing him passionately. She wrapped her long leg around his waist and held him to her flush body. She reached down and tugged at her robe, trying to get the knot out.
She gave up and went for Nick's jeans. She unbuttoned them and began tugging but Nick grabbed her hands in his one and shook his head. "Anna, I don't know…" He said but she got her hands free and continued trying to pull down his pants. She had them at his ankles and kicked them off his feet with hers. She undid the knot of her bathrobe and began pulling open when Nick shook his head. "Anna…" She ignored him and pulled it off of her body and began kissing Nick's neck and chest. She grabbed Nick's hands and placed them on her body and thrust her hips into his. "Biscuit." Nick called and Anna retreated, looking at him shocked.
"What?"
He shook his head. "This doesn't feel right…Anna…I know we just did this but…I don't wanna become like, addicted to sex with you. You're feeling vulnerable and depressed so-"
"Nick, I'm fine. I just wanna be with you."
"I can't take advantage of you like that." Nick said sitting up and pulling away from her.
She sat up and grabbed her robe, pulling it on in shock. "You're not taking advantage of me. You have my permission, go ahead!" She exclaimed and emphasized by gesturing to her body. Nick shook his head.
"No. Anna…we can't have sex and you know that. You know the chances of you getting pregnant."
Anna scoffed. "Yeah, like a million to one."
"No." Nick said more firmly, knowing that she wasn't of sound mind and all she wanted was sympathy sex, which she'd regret in the morning.
She glared and rolled over on the bed. "Fine." She huffed and Nick watched her. Sensing that he wasn't leaving, she climbed off the bed and disappeared behind the wall of her bathroom. She turned left and pulled the curtain closed behind her and Nick heard the shower running. He knew that she went into the shower because Nick wouldn't follow her in there. He sighed and plopped down on the bed and rested his eyes for a moment.
After a few minutes Nick was fast asleep and Anna slipped out of the bathroom and tip toed over to her dresser. She grabbed some clothes and slipped dropped her robe, to change. She slid on her underwear, black Capri Dickeys, bra, and olive green tiny t-shirt. She put on her flip flops and pulled her hair up, grabbed Nick's keys and tip toed out of the room. She walked silently down the hall and opened Regan's door. She poked her head in and saw the sweet little girl asleep in her bed. Anna walked over and shook her shoulder softly.
"Hey…hey Raggs." The girl's eyes opened and Anna gave a sad smile.
"Honey…I need to go see Jen okay…she's in the hospital and I think she wants some company…do you wanna come with me?" Anna asked brushing the hair from the girl's face.
Regan nodded and pushed the covers back. "Is Nick coming?" The girl asked sleepily and Anna shook her head.
"No. Come on, get dressed." Anna whispered and Regan did so.
"Did you two fight?" Regan asked and Anna didn't answer. A few minutes later they quietly slipped from the room and walked down the hall. They walked out the front door and locked it behind them, being extra careful not to wake Nick. Anna and Regan climbed into his car and drove off down the street.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Desert Palms Hospital
ICU Waiting Room
10:01 p.m.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Anna and Regan hurried down the hall and rounded the corner to see Jennifer sitting in the waiting room, a nervous wreck. "Jen!" Anna called out, grabbing the girl's attention and she rushed over to the two girls.
"Annie!"
They hugged and held each other, thankful that Jen was alright. "Oh God Jen, I'm so glad you're alright." Anna hugged her tighter then pulled away to look at her. "How's everyone?"
"You mean Mac." Jen said with a slight smile. Anna sighed and nodded.
"How is he?"
Jennifer sighed and sat down, bracing her arm in a sling against her voluptuous chest. "Not so good. The doctor said he's doing bad. He's loosing a lot of blood and can't stay awake for any longer than a few minutes…Annie they don't know if he's gonna make it." Jennifer said with a tear in her eye. Anna looked away and tried to keep her composure and not break down in front of Jen and Regan.
Regan stepped forward and hugged . "I'm glad you're okay Jen…" Regan said softly and Jennifer chuckled. She ruffled the girl's hair and held her close.
"I can't die…I'd miss you too much." Jennifer replied. "Here, do me a favor." She handed Regan three dollars, "Go get us all some Hershey bars…I have a feeling we're gonna need them." Jennifer pointed to the vending machine only a few yards away from them. Once she was out of ear shot Anna sighed. "Okay, what happened?" Jennifer asked and Anna looked at her best friend confused.
"Uh, Josh went into the diner with a gun and-"
"No, no." Jennifer waved her hand. "What happened with you and Nick?"
"How-"
"I know the face of a lonely and regretful woman." Jennifer said and Anna looked back over at the seven year old child trying to get the money into the machine and retrieve all three candy bars.
"I threw myself at him."
"Sympathy sex."
Anna nodded. "He said he couldn't take advantage of me like that." Anna replied, her gaze never faltering from Regan's form.
"Wow…he's one of the few men in America who won't take the sympathy sex they're offered. Especially when they haven't had sex-"
"Since he met me." Anna finished and Jennifer shook her head.
"He's special."
"He's stupid." Anna replied and sighed. "Why the hell hasn't he left me yet? He's known me for ten days and he's been through so much Hell…" Jennifer chuckled and shook her head at her friend's obliviousness. "Any other man would have bailed by now if not sooner."
"Maybe he sees something that no one else does." Jennifer offered and Anna finally tore her gaze away from the little girl.
Anna stared at her a moment and sighed. "What ever, I don't want to talk about that right now. How are you and Greg doing?"
Jennifer shook her head. "I haven't talked to him since our argument…"
Anna nodded. "I know…you two need to talk. I talked to Grissom, he said that Greg's a wreck. He hasn't eaten, he hasn't slept, he hasn't shaved…he's just been wandering around Vegas trying to think of the words to express his sorrow." Anna repeated from what Grissom had told her a few hours earlier. "The two of you have to talk. We all told him to wait until you were cooled down, but Jen, the boys a mess. You can't put him through this anymore…at least let him see you."
Jennifer shook her head and brushed away a tear that had escaped from her blue eyes. "I don't think I can." She whimpered and something behind Jennifer caught Anna's attention.
"Uh Jen…I don't think you have much of a choice." Anna stated not looking from whatever had entranced her from behind Jen.
"Huh?" Jennifer asked and turned around to see an unshaven and frantic Greg running at full speed towards them. "Greg?" Jennifer asked standing up.
"Jennifer!" Greg exclaimed and embraced her in a tight hug the minute he reached her. He held her tight and squeezed his eyes shut praying that this wasn't a dream, and that she was really okay. "Oh God Jen, I heard that there was a shoot out at the diner and I knew you were working there tonight and they said the gun man took a bunch of people down including a bunch of employees and one was in ICU but they didn't say who and I though it was you and Griss and I came here as fast as he would allow and I had to make sure you were okay and I'm so sorry." Greg said all in one breath. Tears were forming in his eyes and Jennifer gaped at him. "I know that I hurt you and you were so right, there was no way I could want to destroy something we've created even if I wasn't ready for it. And I'll never leave you, no matter what. I want to be with you. I-"
She silenced him by pressing her mouth into his and pulling them into a long, passionate kiss. Anna gave a crooked smile and Grissom came to stand beside her and Regan approached them with the candy bars. She looked from Greg and Jennifer to Grissom and Anna. "Since Jen's mouth is occupied, do you want her candy bar Mr. Grissom?" Regan asked and Grissom chuckled. He accepted the chocolate and Regan gave Anna hers. Anna tore it open and popped a piece in her mouth.
"So, you and Nick got into another fight huh?"
Anna turned to gap at the older, usually clueless, older man. "How does everybody know this!"
Grissom shrugged. "Nick's chivalrous, he wouldn't let you come here alone unless he didn't know you were here. And He keeps a good safe eye on you unless you don't let him, which would only happen if the two of you were fighting…and judging by the guilty look in your eye I'm gonna say that it was a stupid fight, probably cause by a stupid embellishment of feelings and emotions." Anna raised her brow at him and he smiled as he slipped a piece of chocolate in his mouth. "I'm an observer, it's my job."
"Well…know I see why you are at the top of the charts on your job…you basically have it down." Anna replied and bit into her chocolate as they continued watching the young couple making out in front of them.
Grissom nodded and looked over to see Regan had picked up the most intense medical magazine she could find. He chuckled and looked back at Anna. "Well…so where is he and do you think I could borrow him tonight?"
Anna scoffed. "You can keep him."
"Still bitter." Grissom observed and she looked at him from the corners of her eyes. Just then a nurse exited Mac's room and a doctor followed. He looked around at the people gathered in the waiting room. Anna stepped forward anxiously.
"How is he."
The doctor stared at the young woman and sighed. "Mr. Milligan won't make it through the night." Anna closed her eyes and begged the tears not to fall. Not in front of everyone. "He's very weak and he can't have many visitors…just a few. Don't push it though, keep it light." The doctor replied and Anna nodded as he opened the door for her. She got a look at the muscular bald man before her. He looked pale and sickly in the starchy hospital gown and florescent lights.
She stepped forward and drew Mac's attention. He looked at her in fear. "Annie."
The tone of his voice broke her heart and she stepped forward and neared the edge of his bed by his feet. "Hey Mac."
"You weren't supposed to be here…"
She bit back tears, not able to deal with the fact that he didn't want to see her. She cared deeply for Mac. He had always been there for her, he'd do anything for her, he always cared about her, and if times got rough, Mac was the friend she turned to. "I know…I'm sorry…"
"You weren't supposed to see me like this." He said softly and she opened her mouth to say something, but words didn't come, so she rounded the bed and stood by his side.
"Like what?" She asked, a smirk playing on her full lips. Mac chuckled slightly, but winced and Anna flinched. "Sorry."
"It isn't your fault." He hissed through the pain and she shook her head.
"I think I'd have to say otherwise."
"Anns…" It was a pet name he didn't often use. He had only called her that when no one was around or she was really down. "…this isn't your fault, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise."
"Mac, Josh came to the diner looking for me…instead he found several innocent people who didn't deserve this."
"What, are you saying you do?"
Anna looked away and sighed. Mac reached out for her hand. "Anns…don't think like that…you deserve so much better than anyone can ever give you…you're strong, beautiful, resilient, smart, witty, talented, and too precious for anyone to know." Mac said and Anna let a tear slip down her cheek. She sat down on the bed next to him and he wiped the tear away. "I never could stand to see a beautiful girl cry."
She sobbed and shook her head. "Mac…you can't do this."
"Do what? Die, have feelings for you, not care about expressing them anymore?" He asked chuckling dryly.
"Mac-"
"Annie, I've always had feelings for you…I just haven't said anything because I value our friendship too much, and if I were to ever hurt you or lost you…I really couldn't live with myself. But, doesn't look like I'll be hanging around much longer so I'm not that shy." Anna screwed up her face and let her silent tears fall. He reached back up and wiped them from her cheeks. "Please…don't cry. I ain't gonna be here much longer and I can't stand seeing you in pain…please Anns." He stroked her cheek and she tried her hardest to stop crying but she couldn't seem to find the off-switch.
"Mac…please don't go. Please Mac." She begged and he smiled sadly at her.
"Hey, we all die someday right? My day just came sooner than we thought." Mac explained and dragged his thumb over her full, pink lips. "Did you ever hear of a guy named Morrie Schwartz?" Anna shook her head. "Well, he was a college professor who was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease. One of his students spent his last few weeks with him and documented it, writing the book known as Tuesdays with Morrie. In one session he said that 'love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.' Anns…I never told you how I felt, like I said because I was scarred. Bt once you find out you're gonna die in a few hours or at most a day…those kind of things aren't that scary anymore." Mac explained and Anna sniffled, knowing where this was going and not knowing if she could handle it.
"Mac…"
"Anns, I love you. I've always loved you and even though I die, I'm not gonna stop loving you. You don't have to love me back…you don't have to do or say anything." His eyes welled up with tears and he smiled and cupped her cheek. "I just had to know that you knew I love you before I go."
Anna closed her eyes. "I knew." She said softly and opened her eyes again.
"I love you Annaleesa Delmarco…I truly love you with all my heart. I've never loved anyone before and I've never had any examples of true love, but I know this is it." She continued crying and looking into his eyes. "I love you so much." He stated finally and pulled her down to him. His soft pink lips met her full red ones and despite herself, she found herself kissing him back.
She knew she shouldn't have.
She knew it was wrong.
But she did love Mac…and she didn't know how things would have turned out and if Nick would even be in the picture if she had told him sooner…all she knew was that she did love Mac.
She pulled away slightly and looked at him, tears still pouring down her cheeks. "I love you too." She whimpered softly and Mac kissed her again. Once again, she kissed him back and only the dim, slowing beep of his heart monitor pulled her away. She pulled away to look at it and saw it gradually slow and the beeps grew deaf to her ears…everything did.
The beeps, the doctors rushing in, Jen crying in the hall way. But Anna knew that Mac could still hear her. "I love you Mac." She professed and the doctors pushed her out of the way, trying to save Mac, though they knew it was useless. Her hand went to her mouth and she continued crying. She backed herself into a corner of Mac's room and slid down the wall, crying silently, knowing he was gone.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
11:26 p.m.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Nearly an hour after the doctors had left Mac's hospital room and Anna had told Mac she loved him, Anna walked out of the room and straightened her shirt and wiped the tear stains from her pretty face. She looked up to see Nick sitting in the chairs with his head hanging and his elbows on his knees, his body bent forward in a position of defeat. Anna looked at him frozen and Nick looked up to her Green eyes.
"Where's Regan?" She asked and Nick stared at her for a moment before answering.
"Jen took her back to her house and Greg and Grissom went back to the lab." Nick answered, knowing that would be her next question.
She looked into his deep brown eyes and what she saw there killed her…pain.
She doubted it was from their minor 'dispute' they had earlier…she knew what it was from…
He knew.
He knew what she had said to Mac…she didn't know how he knew…but he did. She stared at him guilty and waited for him to say something…anything. "I heard you." He said softly and bluntly. Anna closed her eyes and a few tears fell. She knew she had hurt him…she had hurt him deeply. She opened her eyes and saw that he was welling up himself. She let a few more tears fall, hating that she had hurt him. "Did you mean it?" He asked and she opened her mouth to say something, but closed it and closed her eyes. Her face became distorted and she let a few more tears fall.
"I don't know." She whispered.
Nick's nostrils flared as he tried to keep from crying. He turned away from her sharply and began walking down the hall. Anna stood there and let her tears fall. She brought her hand to her mouth again and felt her body shake with sobs. She sank to her knees in the middle of the hallway and cried, wondering how she had lost both the men she loved in only a matter of hours.
She pushed herself against the wall and continued to cry.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Saturday May 14, 2004
Delmarco Residence
2:26 a.m.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Anna pulled into her driveway and sat there for a moment, wishing that she could die right there. She opened the car door and walked to her front door, where she pulled out her house key from her pocket and unlocked her door…to her surprise it was unlocked. She opened the door and sighed as she walked into the house. She looked up and saw Nick sitting on the recliner, same position as he had at the hospital.
She stopped, once again, frozen. Nick looked up at her, his jaw tight, heavy circles under his eyes, and several beer bottles around him. She stopped and surveyed the scene around her. She could tell by his hard features that he was still pissed…he had all right to be. But what scarred her was that Nick had bought those beers…she didn't keep alcohol in her house. A drunk and pissed off man…she knew this scene all too well. And even though it was Nick, someone she could trust, she had seen beer turn even that nicest man into a professional boxer.
She gulped and stayed in her spot. "Aren't you gonna come in your own house?" Nick drawled bitterly, the alcohol affecting his accent. She looked around her and cautiously stepped into the living room and set his keys on the stand by the front hall to the door. She watched him as he watched her walk into the living room, but stand a few yards away from him. Nick stared at her angrily.
She knew he probably wouldn't be this intimidating without the beer, and she wished that he was sober. Beer and liquor tended to create intense situations for her. "Guess you don't have any greetings for me huh?"
"You're drunk."
"That's not a greeting."
"I didn't say it was."
Nick starred at her and walked towards her. She visibly stiffened and took a step back. He eyed her skeptically. "You're acting like I'm gonna hurt you." Nick accused and she opened her mouth to say something, but once again, closed it knowing better than to try to reason with a drunk man almost twice her size. "You think I'm gonna hit you?"
Anna didn't like where this conversation was headed…she felt her heart beat quicken. And looked away as she shifted uncomfortably. "No."
Nick chuckled and sat down on the couch, now within a few feet of her. "You're probably right."
Anna gaped at him, very close to a panic attack. 'Probably'…that wasn't a good word. This wasn't the Nick she knew…this wasn't the caring, comforting, sweet, lovable, man she had fallen so hard for…ironically, falling was one of her biggest fears tonight. Even though she was pretty sure she knew Nick and that he wouldn't hurt her, she knew better than to let her guard down…even for him. "I know I upset you." She said and Nick scoffed.
"No fuckin shit."
She closed her eyes and shook her head slightly. "I'm sorry."
"Would you have still said it if you had known if I loved you?" Nick asked looking at her. The fact that he was basically telling her he loved her wasn't throwing her off. She had been told that same thing in worse situations…when she had tried to kick Josh out he had beat her up considerably well. He had her pinned to the ground with his hands around her neck, yelling that he loved her and wouldn't let her go.
"I don't know…maybe." She replied and Nick could see right through her. He turned back forward so that she was looking at his right side and he took a long sip of beer. "Nick…he deserved to know."
"You know how dumb that sounds?"
"You know how dumb you're acting?" Anna countered, knowing she was treading on thin ice but not caring. Nick glared and tightened his jaw. Anna sighed and sat on the stool behind her.
"I'm not dumb."
"Well buying a six pack at two in the morning when you're pissed off at someone you're going to have to eventually face doesn't exactly scream genius." She replied and Nick glared further.
/-/ Keep it up Delmarco and you're gonna end up right next to Mac in the hospital…No! Stop thinking like that. Nick may be pissed but he wouldn't hit you…even if he is drunk…wasted…and totally pissed…/-/ Anna thought and Nick stood up suddenly, causing Anna to jump from her stool. Nick stormed up to her and she flinched, but he walked past her and into the kitchen. He stood at the counter where Anna had been sitting last night when Nick had comforted her…about Mac.
"My mother was right…" He turned around to face her. "You were just setting me up for heart break."
Anna was fuming, she may love him…but right now she hated him. "Yeah Nick, I fuckin planned this all in a plot against you. I planned for Josh to come in and kill-"
"The man you love." Nick finished and Anna glared.
"I can't help that." Anna growled.
"Nice excuse." Nick scoffed and she clenched her fists at her sides.
"You know what; I don't have time for this right now. Two of my friends are in the hospital, one just died, and I don't want to have to deal with you right now."
Anna replied storming off towards her room. Nick followed after her, furious. "Deal with me? What the fuck Anna?" He ran after her, but something on his pants got caught on the chair and he turned slightly to try and free himself. Anna whipped around to face him…wrong move.
The minute she turned around Nick freed himself and his hand came flying through the air and landed on Anna's cheek. She gasped and her head snapped to the side as Nick stared in horror. Did he just hit her?
She looked at him in terror and stepped back and turned and ran into her room in shock. "Oh my God." Nick said in horror. "Please tell me I just didn't hit her." He begged and ran to her door. In her terror she didn't lock the double doors and Nick pushed them open. He looked around the room for her and didn't see her. He walked into her bathroom and to the place she always thought he'd never follow. He pulled back the curtain to the small room containing the large shower stall. He saw her curled up in the corner of it crying. "Anna…" He drawled and pulled back the frosted glass sliding door to the stall.
"Go away." She whimpered. "Get the fuck away from me!" She yelled and Nick felt like his heart was being torn from his chest. She was supposed to be able to trust him. Nick bent down and reached out for her in the shower and she flinched back. "Go away!" She ordered and Nick winced.
He felt a warm tear fall down his cheek when he saw the small bruise on her cheek bone. "Anna…I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to hit you. I swear to God Anna…I didn't. My pants got stuck on something and I had to rip them free, but my hand slipped and…and…" he couldn't bring himself to say it. She looked up and shook her head.
"Go away…now."
Nick felt more of his tears fall as he crawled away from the shower and pressed himself against the wall and began to cry. "Please Anna…God, you have to know, I didn't mean to…to…" He gulped back and squeezed his eyes shut. "To…h-hit, you." He struggled and Anna looked at him, and then the rip in his pants…just like he had said.
He saw her look at him and he crawled back towards her and into the shower. She stiffened at the close proximity of their bodies. Nick continued crying and shook his head. "Anna…I'm so sorry."
"Why were you drinking…I know why but…"
"I needed a way to escape from reality…I felt like dying when I heard you tell him you love him." Nick replied and Anna sucked in her breath, he still didn't know that she had told him that…twice. And kissed him…twice. "I didn't know any other way to escape so…so I bought a pix pack and decided to drown my pain in beer."
Anna shook her head. She debated on telling him everything…and decided that she had to. "Nick…"
He didn't like the timid tone of her voice and he braced himself, knowing that bad news was on the way. "Yes?"
She closed her eyes and Nick grabbed her hand. She continued crying and Nick looked at her. "He kissed me…" Nick's hand went limp. "And I kissed him back."
Nick let go of her hand and sat in the corner opposite her. She closed her eyes for a second, but then opened them to look at him. Nick turned to face her, grabbed her hand, and slid her to him and held her tight. "I forgive you." He whispered and she only cried harder. She pushed him away and looked at him.
"Why! Why do you forgive me? What's wrong with you…?" She yelled at him. She couldn't quiet grasp the fact that he could forgive her because he couldn't loose her…that made her feel like shit. Nick merely looked at her, and then brought her back to him and kissed the top of her head.
Nick held her in his arms and let her cry. He held her close to him and wished that he could go back in time…back before she was at the hospital with Mac, before she had asked him for sex, before he found her sitting on the counter, before they had fallen asleep…before they even woke up from last night. He just wanted to start the day over and do so many things differently.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
3:40 a.m.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
She had stopped crying and was now pulling herself from Nick's embrace. Nick watched as she settled down beside him in the shower stall and put her feet on the ground, and rested her elbows on her knees. "I'm sorry Nick." She said and looked over at him. "I'm sorry I hurt you." She apologized.
Nick wanted to lie and tell her that it was okay and that he was over it…but he couldn't. He wanted to tell her he loved her…but he couldn't. A part of him didn't want to tell her he loved her in her shower stall because she was hurting and the man she loved, not to mention her best friend, had just died and Nick wanted to make sure he could keep her with him.
He loved her and he wanted her to be happy…but his biggest fear was that she would be happy with Mac, and without him. "How long have you known that you love Mac?" Nick asked…it was a question he needed answered.
She sighed and closed her eyes. "I don't know…I think…I think I just realized it tonight…otherwise I would have told him."
Nick closed his eyes and gulped back his tears. So she told guys when she loved them…she wasn't like the typical woman who waited till they were sure the guy loved them back. Nick wished she was like the annoying ones…who didn't tell you. Because that would be a better reason, in his case, of her not telling him that she didn't love him. Shyness versus actually not loving him…yeah, the shy and annoying one was definitely the better way out.
"I'm sorry Nick…" She turned to face him. "But…imagine you were in love with your best friend…and you didn't really know it. But when you were about to loose them…they come out and say that they love you…what do you say to that?" She asked. "Even if I'm not in love with Mac…I still love him. Whatever kind of love it is…I don't know. But it was still there. No matter how big or small…he still had to know. Wouldn't you want to know…?"
Nick sighed and looked away. She made a point, and the fact that she might love Mac, but wasn't in love with him helped ease the pain a little. "Okay…if Mac hadn't died and still told you he loved you…would you have said it back?"
She thought about it for a minute. "Probably."
"Would you have left me for him?"
"No." She answered automatically and shook her head. "No, I wouldn't have."
"Why?"
She sighed and settled down in front of him. "A lot of reasons…Mac and I…he might have loved me and I might have loved him but…there was too many problems in between us. Mac had stuff he still had to deal with…he had some shit that he had to get together. I couldn't get involved in that. For my sake and Regan's…he was a great guy but…there was still a lot of shit he had to sort out before he could worry about anyone else."
Nick furred his brows and bit his lip to keep from asking what had happened. His CSI side was rearing its ugly head again and he didn't want to upset Anna further. She saw the look on his face and sighed. "Mac got into trouble a few years ago…after he had first quit the drugs he was going through withdrawals and um…" she bit her quivering lip and hated what she was about to say, knowing Nick's reaction wasn't going to be what the both of them needed. "One time he was really angry and drunk…while going threw withdrawals…he hit his girlfriend and knocked her out. He went to prison for abuse and drugs…and DUI. He uh…he got back out and got back into drugs and shot a couple people over a trade gone bad…he went back to prison, and we all stood beside him but…but there was just too many things between us. He freaked me out sometimes…I could have sworn he was about ready to knock me senseless."
Nick paled and stiffened. /-/ oh God…oh God, oh God, oh God…wait, there's a difference between the two of you, you were angry because she had told someone else she loved him…and you aren't on drugs. /-/ Nick threw every possible excuse into his mix to keep from hiding away and empting every content in his stomach into the toilet in the next room.
"He didn't hit you did he?" Nick asked.
Anna shook her head. "No…but I couldn't be around him for a while after that happened." Nick forced himself to sit there and take what was being given to him. He automatically reached out and brushed his thumb against her cheek and let out a sigh of relief when she didn't flinch away from him. She put her smaller hand over his shaking one and closed her eyes. "I know it was an accident Nick."
Nick hung his head and cried even though she understood. "I still hit you…"
"Nick-"
"Anna…" Nick cut her off and looked up at her with tears on his face. "I hit you."
"Because you were dizzy and drunk. Your pants were caught on something and you threw your arm back and accidentally hit me…you weren't even facing me when it happened. You were turned around. It's not like you were aiming for me. I was in my room for all you knew."
"So why did you run?"
Anna inhaled and looked down. "Because it brought me back to every other guy that's hit me." She said softly.
Nick gulped and looked away from her. "Like who?"
"Well Josh obviously…and just about every other guy I've ever been with."
"All of them?" Nick asked, still not looking at her.
"No. But most, I uh…I seem to attract guys that like to swing and control women." Nick closed his eyes and Anna reached out and cupped his cheek and brushed away a tear with her thumb. "I must have done something right and made a change because I got you." She said lovingly. Nick finally looked over at her.
"Did they just hit you…or more?" Nick asked already knowing the answer and dreading it.
She looked away and brought her hand to her lap. She pursed her lips to keep them from quivering. "More." She answered barely perceptibly. Nick looked at her and she sighed, still looking at the marble tiled wall of the midnight blue and light blue shower stall.
"Anna…what happened?" Nick asked cupping her cheek, feeling a river of warm wet tears against his hand. She finally looked at him and moved to sit next to him, far away enough so that he would know that she didn't want to be touched but close enough to feel his presence.
She sighed and looked at the frosted glass door. "I uh…my first boyfriend seemed great at first…I was sixteen and um, it was the uh, 'first boyfriend syndrome'. You think he's perfect and make excuses for every shitty thing he does. He was easily upset and he decided to use me as a punching bag…my friend threatened to call the police and report him if I didn't break up with him so I did…then a series of boyfriends after that…same story. But it got harder and harder to make excuses for…so I stooped lower on the 'shitty boyfriend chain'." She said and Nick closed his eyes, knowing what was bellow abusers.
Top of the 'shitty boyfriend chain' was cheaters, players, obsessers, abusers…
"And I found Carl…he was nice at first, just like everyone else. He didn't hit me but…I knew there was something wrong…I figured it out one night when he came into my room and…attacked me." She forced the words out and Nick felt the anger surging through him. He felt like finding this Carl guy and beating the shit out of him. "So I left him one night when he was sleeping…I didn't wanna risk him getting a hold of Regan."
"How long has Regan been in your custody?"
"Since I was seventeen…our parents didn't want us. They uh…they saw us more of a nuisance then their children. So we left." She explained and Nick shook his head. He know understood why abortion was such a big issue with Anna and Jennifer. "So…I left Carl for Alex…same deal. Then from Alex to Scott. Then from Scott to David…" She smiled softly and sighed "I didn't have enough guts to tell him what was so wrong with me and why we continuously ended up arguing about the same stupid thing over and over again. So when the opportunity came to continue his career I made him take it. I told him that I couldn't be the reason he stayed…not me, and he said then he'd stay for Regan but I wouldn't let him. I figured if he knew the truth then he'd haul ass and bail like any sane person would, and I couldn't put Regan through that. If he stayed for her, and left because of me she'd resent me forever."
Nick shook his head, he knew Super Dave, and that wasn't him. He'd have been the best thing she could have. He'd have stayed and helped her through it. Nick wanted to tell her how wrong she was but she continued.
"So I made him leave…he got mad and angry and he was heart broken but I told him he had to leave. He said he wouldn't go and I told him if he didn't leave me and take the job…if he turned it down to be with me, I'd leave him. I knew that was his biggest fear, me leaving him."
/-/ Funny, that's mine too. /-/ Nick thought.
"So he left and I lied and told Regan that he had to leave so he could finish school so he could follow his dream…but he'd be back soon. I knew that he would come back to be with us, so I found out when he did and took Regan on vacation to New York. When he came back I had Jen say I was gone…she didn't want to but I made her, just another manipulation tool I have." Anna commented and rolled her eyes. "Regan and I got back when I was sure he was fed up with me. I figured if he ever did come to find me and he saw me with another guy he wouldn't bother…so I hooked up with Josh. The leader of the 'shitty boyfriend chain'. The entire time I hid it all from Regan. I knew she suspected something but…she didn't know what was going on…until Josh."
Nick looked over at her and waned so badly to hold her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. "I guess…I was hiding it from Regan and she was hiding it from me. He used me as his punching bag on a regular basis…the living room became a boxing ring on a regular basis. I always ended up driving to the hospital with Regan asleep in the back seat. If she was awake when it happened I'd just cover it up with make-up, or sunglasses, or long sleeve shirts…then she saw what happened one night. Josh had me backed against the wall and was choking me. Regan had woken up when I screamed and came out to see what happened. I just yelled her to go back to bed."
"Did Josh rape you?"
Anna shook her head. "No…he didn't have enough guts for that…"
Nick breathed a sigh of relief and she looked over at him and they simply stared at each other for a while. Nick knew what she wanted to know…what was his story. He sighed and looked away. She looked back at the glass door and tried to focus on her hands instead of the question on the tip of her tongue.
"When I was nine…" Nick began in a soft voice and Anna looked at him. "My uh…my parents left me home with a last minute babysitter. She was a friend of my sister Michelle, and my family really didn't know that much about her. She uh…she came into my room while I was supposed to be sleeping and…she r-raped me." Nick forced the words out much like Anna had. Anna gaped at him and a tear fell for him. "I um…I begged her to stop but, she didn't. She used everything I had in my room to violate me and didn't stop even when I cried."
Anna closed her eyes and sobbed silently for him. "Oh God." She whispered, not loud enough for him to hear.
"I guess that's why I cry so easily now…I'm still hoping that whatever's happening will stop when I cry."
"That's why you fool around with any woman you meet." Anna stated more than asked and Nick nodded.
He knew it was selfish…but he was sort of glad someone understood why he was such a playboy…it was much the same reason Anna was a 'Playboy Bunny' as she was deemed. "I was trying to get rid of the feeling of her…she was all over me…" Nick shook his head. "All I can remember after that is sitting in my room waiting for my mom to get home so she would leave and stop touching me…I never told anyone except Catherine." He said and finally turning to look at her.
He wiped the tears from her cheeks and she closed her eyes and shook her head. "That shouldn't have happened to you…I'm sorry Nicky."
Nick scoffed. "It wasn't your fault…you weren't even born."
Anna sighed and took his other hand in her own and gave a bitter smile. "This has definitely sorted out to be the worst Friday the 13th ever."
Nick scoffed and shook his head at the superstition. "All we need now is for Jason to come out and kill us." Nick joked dryly, trying to lighten the impossibly dark mood.
She shook her head and moved closer to him. Nick instantly reached out for her and held her close to him. "I think that'd be the icing on top of the deathly painful cake." Anna proclaimed softly and Nick held her tighter.
"I'm sorry that happened to you Anna…I really am." Nick said and she sighed.
"I'm sorry too…" She said dryly. "I'm sorry someone you were supposed to be able to trust did that to you…I know how that feels." Anna replied and Nick sighed.
"I'm sorry I hit you."
"It was an accident."
"That still left a mark."
"Everything that happens in life leaves a mark Nick. Whether it's on your face, heart, body, mind, or spirit…good or bad…it leaves a mark. And each mark helps mold us into who we are today…the good and the bad collide and blend to shape us…the experiences we've been through don't dictate who we are…how we use the experiences and lessons we've learned from them make us who we are."
"Despite the horrible things you've been through…I think they've made you one Hell of a person…you used 'em in the right way."
"So did you Nick…even though you strayed along the way, even though we both did and it might have taken some time for me to get it right, I say you did a good job…"
"Yeah…after all, I found you." Nick replied and Anna smiled bitter sweetly.
"I'm sorry I hurt you Nick." Anna apologized again, referring to the subject of Mac from earlier.
"I'm sorry I put you through that whole thing while…Mac…while you were still reeling from Mac and…"
Anna squeezed Nick's hand, letting him know it was okay. He sighed and they laid there. Nick's back braced against the wall while he was half laying, half sitting, with his legs stretched out in the stall and Anna was laying between his legs and resting on his chest as he held her tightly and rested his head on hers. He sighed deeply and started silently crying again. For both of them.
She held his other hand with hers and cried along with them. This wasn't how she thought she'd start the day, nevertheless end last night. She racked her brain continuously trying to find the reason he was still forgiving her, and even though he knew her grueling past, he wasn't running for the hills. Jen's comment from earlier throbbed in her brain,
"Maybe he sees something that no one else does."
Anna tried to think of what he could see…a plain girl who's been through so much shit and get her fuckin life together. She made so many of the same mistakes and for the life of her, couldn't understand why her life was so dramatic. She had been pushed aside and pushed away so many times that she had begun mimicking the trait and using against people before they could on her.
"I understand why you pushed David away…I understand why you hurt him." Nick said softly and she looked at him. "It's the same reason I never stay with a girl past the next morning. You figure if you get attached, you'll get comfortable and tell them your past…then they'll leave and break you down." Nick said and Anna nodded softly.
"It still isn't right what I did to him."
"I know…but I understand." Nick replied and Anna nodded.
"How is he now?"
Nick sat back and thought. "He's good…he's good."
"Is he happy?"
Nick smiled and nodded. "Yeah…but he still misses you."
Anna sighed. "I know…but he deserves so much better." She chuckled bitterly. "He treated me like a princess. He gave into whatever I wanted. Never told me 'no'. He'd have given me his parent's life if he could. And while that is great…I'm not used to that…I crave a hard hand." She explained and Nick swallowed the bile rising in his throat and shook his head, he knew what she was referring to.
"No. No, no, no. That's what you're used to."
"Yeah, and I freak when I'm treated nicely. You think I picked those fights with you unintentionally?" She asked sharply and Nick looked at her sadly. "I tried to push you away or get you angry at me so you'd leave. It's what I do. Ever since I could talk I was pushing people away before they could push me away and I've perfected it over the years…I am screwed up Nick." She informed him seriously.
Nick sighed and brought her back to him, so that he could still look in her eyes, but he could comfort her. "No…no, you just learned by example…you can't help that. You've just reached the 'self preservation' mode. You do what you have to, to protect yourself and that little girl you love so much." Nick said, referring to Regan. "That's the only way you know how."
"I still don't understand why you're sticking it out." She said half exasperated.
"Because I think you're so worth it." Nick informed her and held her by the waist, and brought her to him. She leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, and made a face at the beer taste. He bit his lip and gave a sorry expression.
"Are you gonna remember any of this tomorrow?" She asked, worried that they might have to go through this all again, she wasn't sure she could stand another one of these nights. Nick nodded.
"My memory is pretty stable, even after I get drunk." Nick replied.
"So why did you get drunk if you knew you'd still remember everything?"
"It would numb the pain."
"Did it?"
Nick nodded. "Yeah…a considerable amount." Nick replied and Anna mentally kicked herself. If what he was going through was being numbed by the alcohol…she was going to hate to see him tomorrow…when he had a hangover and was still dealing with all of this.
"Nick…I'm sorry I put you threw all of this…this is a lot to handle for only knowing someone eleven days…"
Nick gaped at her. "It's only been eleven days?"
Anna chuckled and nodded. "Yep…I told you I'm a drama queen."
Nick brought her back into his arms. "How do you deal with this on a regular basis? How do you handle all the shit you go through and still stay so positive for Regan and yourself? I'd go freakin insane…you're really strong." Nick informed her and she scoffed. "Seriously Anna…" Nick moved her so he could look at her. "You're amazing." He informed her and she sighed.
"I'm tired." She commented and stood up. She reached down for Nick and helped him to his feet. She stared at him for a moment, then turned around and stepped out of the shower, with Nick following closely behind. She walked out of her bathroom and into her room. Nick stood at the bathroom entrance and looked around her room, not wanting to leave her but afraid to ask if he could stay.
She turned around to face him and saw it all over his face. She took his hand gently and pulled him back towards the bed. She took his shoes off of him and did the same with hers. Nick pulled off his shirt and pants and grabbed his sweat pants he had folded by her bed a few nights before. She pulled off her Capris and crawled into bed in her tiny Tee and boy shorts.
Nick crawled under the covers and embraced her small body in his arms. She laid against his chest and wrapped her thin arms around him and sighed. Nick rubbed her back gently, knowing from past nights that rubbing her back lightly put her to sleep.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
4:20 a.m.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
After ten minutes she still wasn't asleep, and Nick looked down at her. "What is it?" He asked and she sighed.
"I don't know…I just…my mind won't stop. I feel guilty, and sad, and hurt, and scared, and alone, and stupid…" She rattled off her emotions and Nick looked at her as she sat up in bed, Indian style and Nick's hand was sitting on her knee. He sat up slightly and continued looking at her.
"Why?"
She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I feel guilty because I hurt you, sad because I lost my best friend, hurt because…I don't know why I feel hurt or scared…but I feel alone because there's this feeling in my gut telling me that I'm gonna wake up and you won't be there…and I feel stupid because I caused this whole fucking mess and I'm complaining about it when its my fault."
"Its not your fault." Nick objected and she pinched the bridge of her nose.
"I still feel like it is."
Nick grabbed her hand with his that wasn't resting on her knee. He pulled her down to him and she rested on his chest and kicked her legs out behind her. She sighed and Nick caught her other hand in his. His other hand rested on her hip and rolled her closer to him and adjusted her so that they were both comfortable. Nick's thumb gently stroked the skin and elastic waist band of her boy shorts. He sighed and shook his head gently, "You shouldn't." He drawled, and she sighed.
Anna let her free hand stroke the area between his pecks and she laid her head on the right side of his pecks. Nick kissed her forehead and she looked up and into his big brown eyes. She laid her head on his shoulder so she could look at him, and he stroked her curly hair and his gaze went from her eyes, to the small bruise on her cheek bone. She caught his gaze and leaned up to kiss his cheek. He moved his head slightly to watch her and she caught his lips accidentally.
Nick kissed her back and his hand that was in her hair went to the back of her neck begged her closer. She brought the hand that was on his chest to his left side and braced herself above him so that she could kiss him. His hand was back in her hair and bunching the silky locks he found. She brought her other hand to brace her up stronger and give her more leverage. Nick's hand that was on her hip went around to the small of her back and eased her down on him.
She slid her leg between his knees and pressed her hip into him, enough to get a reaction from him, but not enough to hurt him. She felt him harden and she slid her hand across his chest and down his defined abs and it rested on his hip. Her other hand came up his arm and shoulder and to his neck, where she pulled him closer to her. His hand that wasn't on the small of her back traveled up the back of her shirt and rubbed the silky skin of her back and he pressed his finger tips into her back and then flattened his palm against her. She pulled her mouth away from his and began kissing his jaw line and neck.
She took her slender finger and traced it along his abs and happy trail as she continued kissing him. She moved back up to his mouth and brought her leg that was between his knees to the other side of him, and Nick picked her up by the waist and sat her up on him. She bent her head back down to kiss him and he brought his hands to her thighs and his thumbs caressed them gently. He pushed her hips into his so she could feel his erection and she moaned against his mouth in pleasure.
Nick shifted his hips up and against hers and she broke away to moan. Nick brought his hands up the front of her shirt and caressed her breasts above her bra. She began to pant and bit her lip as Nick's hands traveled down her sides and gave her goose bumps. She brought her hands down the front of his chest and kissed his chest gently. Nick's hand came out of her shirt and down her hips, thighs, and legs. They came to the insides of her legs and traced up, to the insides of her thighs. He heard her breath quicken and he looked up at her. Their eyes met and Nick's hands trailed up her sides and brought her back down against him so he could kiss her freely.
She rolled over on her back and pulled him on top of her as they continued kissing. Nick's hands went up and in her hair and her braced himself above her on his forearms. She adjusted her legs so that they were straddling Nick and he let one hand travel down her breast and pinch her already protruding nipple between his thumb and index finger. She gasped and kissed him harder, thrusting her hips into his. She paused for a moment and retreated, as did Nick.
Neither of them said it but both of them where thinking the same thing and reading each other's minds…'Biscuit'. They were moving to fast for two emotionally wrecked people. Nick kissed her lips gently and rolled off of her. She cuddled back up next to him but he slipped away from her and she sat up and watched him go worriedly. "Where are you going?"
Nick turned back towards her and smiled embarrassedly. "I uh…I know that neither of us is comfortable with what was going on, and I'm okay with that…but I um…I have a situation to deal with here." Nick said gesturing to his lower region. She pursed her lips to keep from smiling and shook her head.
"Oh…uh, sorry." She said softly. Nick waved his hand and shook his head.
"Nah, nah, it isn't your fault…I was thinkin about Carmen Electra." Nick joked and Anna smiled and threw a pillow at him playfully. Nick smiled back at her and she gave a soft one herself, grateful that he had lightened the mood. He stared at her for a moment and gave a slight nod and she nodded back.
"Alright, go flog your log." She said and Nick burst out laughing. "I stole that line from Grease by the way." She informed him and Nick walked out of the room laughing.
A few minutes later Nick walked back into the room, after actually just making two cups of hot chocolate, and saw Anna laying on the bed, toying with the locket around her neck that Nick had given her. He smiled and walked up to her, setting the cups on the night stand. She smiled and sat up to look at him. "Still can't sleep?"
Anna shook her head and Nick handed her the cup of hot liquid. "Nah, I'm tired but I don't think sleep will come easy tonight." She responded and Nick nodded.
"I'm sorry…again, for putting you through that, and um…" He sipped his hot chocolate and sighed half exasperated.
"Nick, it was an accident." She said slowly with diction as if he was a little kid.
"I know but…"
"Nick…" She grabbed his hand in hers and looked him straight in the eye. "Stop…you did it by accident. It is a tiny, itty bitty, diminutive little bruise…" She embellished the actual size of the bruise; she only lied to assure Nick she was okay. He still sighed and shook his head. "I've had much worse Nick." She said in an effort to comfort him. He looked at her with an 'Oh-please-don't-say-that' look on his face and she sighed. "Would it make you feel better if I covered it up?"
"No, I'd feel like it was a dirty little secret." Nick said and Anna rolled her eyes and climbed off the bed.
"Too bad, I'm covering it up."
"Anna…"
"It's the only way to get you to stop whining." She argued and sat down at her vanity in her bathroom and pulled open an organized drawer of make-up.
Nick furred his brow. "Do you use all of this?"
"No…I use some of it…the rest of it is face stuff for Halloween or when Regan and I do each other's make up on our 'chick nights'."
"Aww…you have girl's nights?" Nick asked glad that their night was taking a different turn from its depressing mood earlier.
Anna chuckled. "No, we have chick nights…they're my version of a girl's night, but rated G for Regan. We have like, cartoons, virgin drinks, junk food, chick flicks that are appropriate for her to watch, and we do each other's make ups and read different issues Seventeen magazine…it's my way of keeping her like a girl…ya know, she throws herself into her books, hates clothes and make-up, plays with bugs continuously."
"Kinda sounds like Grissom." Nick commented and Anna looked at Nick, her mouth hanging open in horror.
"Aww…aw don't say that." She begged, shaking her head and squeezing the liquid concealer on her fingertip. "I respect Grissom and everything…but if Regan turns out like him…I think I'll kill myself." Anna remarked and dabbed the concealer on her cheek bone, biting back a hiss at the contact, so as not to make Nick feel worse than he already did. She blended it in with a straight face even though she felt like screaming. How was it that the littlest wounds hurt the worst?
She continued blending it in and put some press powder over it, followed by tan blush, to blend it in with her skin tone. You couldn't even tell there was a bruise there, she hid it so well. It unnerved Nick to know that she covered it up in such an expertise manner, so she could have a million bruises all over her and no one would even know…
She saw him searching all over her body with his eyes and she knew what he was thinking. "Nick…stop." She told him and looked at him through the mirror. "Quit thinking about how many bruises I could have, where they are, and if I cover them up every day."
Nick looked at her stunned, "How did you know that's what I was thinkin?" Nick drawled after sobering up a bit, but still, the alcohol affected his accent.
She scoffed and began putting away her makeup. "It's all over your face." She explained and sighed. "This is the only bruise I have."
"Ah…it's good to know I'm the only one who's slapped you around recently." Nick said bitterly.
Anna sighed and closed her eyes, "Nick, first off, you didn't slap me around, it's a tiny bruise. Second, it was by accident. You didn't hit me on purpose, you had no intentions of hitting me, it was a, say it with me,"
"Accident." They said in unison and she smiled.
"Good, thirdly…the more you dwell on this…the harder it is to let go of…It's harder to forget on move on without when you keep bringing it up." She explained and Nick sighed. "So please…for my sake and yours," She cupped his cheek and looked into his beautiful brown eyes. "Let it go."
Nick sighed, hung his head, and nodded. "Sorry…the Southern guilt is risin within me Darlin." He drawled and she smirked.
"Yeah well, that's not all that's risen tonight." She said wiggling her eyebrows and she swatted his groin playfully. He yelped in an un-manly manner and jumped back as she chuckled and walked out of the room. Nick followed her and watched as she wandered through the house and settled down on the couch to flip through the channels mindlessly.
Nick sat down next to her and placed his hand on her knee protectively. She smiled and laid down on the couch, pulling Nick down with her so that they were spooning. Nick's arm came around her waist tighter and hugged her slender body to his. He had to curve his body to fit around her considerably protruding ass.
She smiled despite the events of their night and sighed in ease and let Nick's tight embrace sooth her.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Sanders Residence
7:23 a.m.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
Greg walked through his door to the sleeping form of Jen on his couch. He walked up to her and knelt down beside her, brushing a lock of long blonde hair from her face. She opened her eyes and saw his warm, loving face. She reached out and cupped his cheek. "I love you." He blurted and she dropped her jaw. "Marry me."
Jennifer looked at him, stunned. But her answer stunned her more…
A/N: Yep…that last scene was meant to be short…so R&R and tell me how shocked, angry, frustrated, or happy you are!
