Oh my God, I am sooooo sorry for not updating sooner! But in May my mom broke her shoulder and only could use one arm for weeks, thus she needed my help a lot, then I took a short vacation...
But now I am back and will hopefully be able to update a bit more regularly. I hope you are all still there, waiting for this story to continue...
Just as always, I do not own those characters, sadly :-(
Chapter 15 - Aftermath
The next morning, Nadir once again found a disheveled Erik who was still wearing the same clothes as the previous day, nervously pacing their living room. He was not sure how to interpret the situation. Had the meeting with Christine's aunt been so disastrous that Erik had not been able to find sleep? Somehow Nadir could not quite imagine such a scenario. Surely Christine would have tried her best to influence her aunt in favor of Erik? But what else could have shaken his friend so much that he had stayed up all night, unable to rest?
Erik, who had heard the door open, turned to face Nadir. He beamed. "Her aunt is an angel!" he exclaimed.
Nadir smiled. "More so than Christine?" he asked, teasing his friend.
Erik looked at him pointedly. "You know that this is different," he reminded Nadir. "But mamma Ingrid, she is... she called me son."
Nadir raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" was all he said. He had a feeling this was enough of a prompt to get the full story from Erik.
"She thinks I do stand a chance with Christine, and if I continue to lead a respectable life she will approve," Erik listed the most important parts of his conversation with Christine's aunt.
"That is fantastic news!" Nadir agreed, patting Erik's shoulder to show how much he understood his friend's relief at signora Johannsen's attitude in that regard.
"But she wants me to tell Christine everything, you know, Persia and all, before I propose," Erik sighed.
"Wait a minute," Nadir was not sure he understood. "Persia? How come she knows about that? She can't have learned that from Christine, I never said more to her than that it was traumatic for you."
"I told her," Erik informed his friend. "Everything. She wanted to know all about me, my entire past, she had already heard from Christine about my mother not being able to look at my naked face and that this abominable woman never hugged or kissed me, so she was curious about my entire life, what other experiences I have been through, how these might have formed me..."
"And once she knew everything, she realized that you were a victim of circumstances," Nadir surmised.
"She felt compassion for what I had suffered, but was truly shocked when I told her that I had killed my gypsy master and what I had done in Persia." Erik once again shuddered at the memory of the numerous deaths he had caused there.
"But I suspect she also felt your distress at remembering those events," Nadir commented, once again putting a comforting hand on Erik's now shaking shoulder.
"I also told her about... Reza," Erik continued.
"One of your nobler acts," Nadir agreed. "I will be forever in your debt for having spared my little darling months and months of excruciating suffering. I bet she feels the same way about it."
Erik sighed. He was not entirely sure why Christine's aunt had treated him so kindly. Compassion certainly had played a part, but the fact that she seemed to think that Christine still had feelings for him, after everything he had put her through, could not possibly have influenced her in his favor, or could it? She had said herself that no self-respecting parent or guardian would want the likes of him to be with their daughter or niece. And yet...
"She said that Christine and I might be good for each other," Erik finally explained. "Though I cannot imagine how she thinks that even if Christine still hasq some feelings for me now she would still want me once I have told her everything..."
"Well, signora Johannsen obviously still considers you an acceptable suitor for her niece, even though she knows all about you. Christine is her niece, what makes you think, that she will react to your confession in a different way than her aunt? You should also consider the fact that the lady probably knows her niece well enough to foresee her reaction to the whole truth."
At least Nadir hoped he was right with these assumptions. In his opinion it could not hurt, though, to somewhat prepare Christine for what she would learn about Erik in the near future.
"You won't have to tell Christine your life-story immediately," Nadir continued. "Since you won't propose to her right away. Wouldn't some sort of courting, of letting her know that you are still interested, of showing her your unchanged feelings, be in order before you get to that point?"
Erik nodded. "Yes, mamma Ingrid said I should court Christine properly, not the way I tried to manipulate her into marrying me two years ago, though she admitted that it might be difficult, since I can't take her out like other suitors would do..."
He thought about something. "She also advised I should wait a little longer, give Christine more time to see that I am serious about becoming a changed man. But... do you think... I mean Christine is doing such a great job as Norma... could I maybe... buy her flowers for the opening night?"
Nadir smiled. "I guess that might be fine," he agreed, "assuming you buy flowers for signorina Vigelli as well, the bouquets don't have to be exactly the same, but similar in size and value. That way you can make Christine's bouquet a bit more personal, maybe use flowers you know she likes or something, but you should by all means refrain from buying her red roses. That would definitely be too soon."
Erik smiled. Red roses were out, he could understand that, but there was no reason not to use a black satin ribbon – maybe combined with a ribbon of another color, to avoid the impression of mourning and death. And maybe he could find some flowers that would remind her of her native Sweden.
Xxx
Christine had not been able to sleep that night either. She had constantly been thinking about the meeting between her aunt and Erik. Why had mamma Ingrid sent her away? Was this maybe a bad sign? Was her aunt planning on criticizing Erik for his behavior way back in Paris? Oh, Christine herself knew only too well how justified such criticism would be, but did she want Erik subjected to it? If she were honest, Christine did not want Erik to take the full blame for what had happened two years ago, especially now, that she had begun to suspect that her own actions, namely the tearing away of his mask, had sent him down a dark path, that therefore she was almost as responsible for those events as he was.
Another possibility seemed to be that aunt Ingrid wanted to hear what had happened in Paris from Erik without herself being there, so that she could then compare their two stories. Christine was not comfortable with that scenario either. If asked about those events would Erik be a hundred percent honest? Would he understand that aunt Ingrid might be testing him, trying to see if he would admit his own faults, or would he try to make himself look less guilty for fear that her mamma might not approve of their friendship if he seemed too unhinged and dangerous? Would he realize that she had already told her aunt all the details and tried to make excuses for his more atrocious actions? That the best way to impress her aunt was honesty?
Christine sighed. Just like her aunt she had noticed how nervous Erik had been at their encounter. This could be a bad sign. He obviously had been scared to meet her aunt, knowing that the continuation of their friendship, teacher-student relationship or whatever it was that the two of them had, might depend on the impression he would make on this lady. Would he be able to remain calm and controlled, or would his nerves get the better of him and he would show himself at his worst?
There were almost a hundred ways of how this meeting could have gone bad without Christine there to calm Erik and to explain things to her aunt better than Erik could do in his nervous state. Christine was therefore dying to learn what had transpired between these two the previous night.
Aunt Ingrid had promised to come to the theater at noon, so that she and Christine could have lunch together, but Christine somehow felt like she could not wait that long to learn from mamma Ingrid how her meeting with Erik had gone. Since she could not sleep anyway, she got up early. That way she could make it to the bed-and-breakfast where her aunt was staying and back in time for rehearsal.
Christine dressed quickly and ran to see her aunt, praying that the latter would be up already as well. Fortunately aunt Ingrid was an early riser, and she knew her girl well enough to suspect that Christine would be extremely curious to hear from her what she thought of her teacher. When Christine arrived she therefore found her aunt already in the breakfast room.
Ingrid Johannsen quickly picked up a cup of coffee and a pastry then told Christine to follow her to her own room.
"I have expected you," she began the conversation. "I know you were not happy last night when I sent you away, but you see, I wanted to be able to judge that gentleman myself. I know that despite everything you have a high opinion of your teacher and I did not want to let your presence cloud my impression of him."
"I am sure you had your reasons for sending me away," Christine mumbled, getting more and more nervous about what her aunt would tell her about that meeting.
"In hindsight, it was a good thing you were not there," aunt Ingrid continued. "For I doubt the boy would have been as forthcoming with everything he told me about his previous life if you had been there as well."
Christine raised an eyebrow. What was her aunt talking about?
"I asked him about his past," aunt Ingrid explained. "He had made some comment to you about his mother, so I guessed that his formative years might have been a disaster and wanted to learn more about his background. You know, the things you had told me about him, what he had done in Paris two years ago, were not exactly giving me the impression he might be the right person for you to socialize with, but I also thought that I needed more information on him, his upbringing, his personality, what had shaped him into the person he had been back then."
Christine nodded. She was still rather worried. Had her aunt just said that Erik was not suitable to be her friend and teacher?
Aunt Ingrid smiled. "Don't look so scared, min flicka (= my girl)," she told Christine. "While I would be lying if I said he is the kind of person I would have wanted for you to befriend, I have no problems with the two of you seeing each other and being friends. Erik has had an absolutely terrible past, he has been through so much, that I consider it a miracle that he has been able to come out of it all as well as he has. Yes, there are scars, physical ones, emotional ones and psychological ones, and they will never completely go away. But he is doing his best to overcome his past, and in order to succeed he needs support, friendship, acceptance,..." She hesitated to add the word "love".
"I knew his mother must have been a disgusting person," Christine agreed, thinking of the one bit of information Erik had given her about his past. "I bet it must have been hard for Erik to grow up unloved. I mean, I had min pappa, when I was a child, but he had nobody..."
Aunt Ingrid nodded. "You are right," she said, "but that is not everything. That was just the beginning of his ordeal. There is a lot more he has not told you yet. His life has been full of suffering, both because of what others did to him and of what he himself did to others. He will one day tell you his full story, he promised me. You might be shocked about some things you will hear then. But when that day comes, keep an open mind, Christine, do not judge him right away. His past is his past, it does not necessarily have to become his future. He is trying very hard to leave his past behind and to become a better person. A lot will depend on how you will react to his confessions then. Your support and understanding are so very important to him. It will be in your hands to condemn him or to help him on his way to redemption."
Christine looked worried. "What is it that he has told you, that might scare me so much?" she asked.
"It is not my place to tell you that," aunt Ingrid explained. "Erik will do that, but not today and not tomorrow. You must give him time. Last night's conversation with me has been emotionally draining for him. He will need some time to recover from that. He cannot tell you immediately. Just keep in mind that despite everything he has told me, I still hold him in high esteem because he had the guts to tell me the truth, although he feared that I might order you to come home with me if I knew his complete life story."
"There is something worse than what happened in Paris two years ago," Christine guessed.
"Yes," aunt Ingrid nodded. "But it is in the past and he regrets it. In fact, you helped him already once dealing with his memories and his remorse, when your seven-year-old self befriended your Angel. The two of you were good for each other then, it seems, since he helped you deal with losing your pappa and you helped him overcome some terrible nightmares. I therefore believe that you will once again be able to help him, when he finally opens up to you and tells you everything."
Aunt Ingrid paused for effect. "He loves you so very much," she added.
Christine blushed. "I know," she whispered.
"He does not dare hope you might be able to forgive him and return his feelings," aunt Ingrid continued, "but he knows that you cared deeply about your Angel, and he does not want you to think that you have had such feelings for somebody unworthy. He is trying to become a better person, just so that you won't have to be ashamed of having cared for him in the past."
Aunt Ingrid hoped that this revelation would have the desired effect on Christine, that she would finally be able to put the past behind her and admit to herself just how much Erik meant to her if she knew that he was trying to be worthy of her, even though he had no hope of winning her love.
Then aunt Ingrid remembered something else. "By the way, do you know if Erik has a way to contact Madame Giry?" she asked. "I mean, it might not be wise if he openly corresponded with her, don't you think?"
Christine looked bewildered. "Madame Giry?" she asked. "Why would he want to contact her?"
Then realization hit her. "Of course," she added, "she must have been his confident or something, she always delivered his letters to the managers. But I don't know, I have not mentioned to Meg that he is in charge of this theater, I thought it might be safer to withhold that piece of information from her..."
"Well, ask him," aunt Ingrid retorted. "They used to be very good friends, almost like siblings, and I think it would be good for him to have her support as well. If he has no way of contacting her directly, I am willing to help out the same way I do with you and Meg."
"You mean, he could send his letters for her to your address, just as I enclose my letters to Meg in the ones I send to you and that you would forward them?" Christine asked.
"Yes, something like that. Maybe you should write Madame's address on the envelope in your handwriting, and put your name as the sender, since his handwriting is obviously well known in Paris thanks to the notes he used to send to the managers. But if his letters are sent to Paris through me like yours for Meg, and the replies go through me as well, enclosed in my next letter to you, that way, even if Madame's correspondence were screened by the authorities, it would seem to them that you are the one corresponding with her and that you are still with me in Sweden, thus both your covers and the fact that you are both here should be safe."
Christine beamed. "You would do that for Erik as well, if he wanted to contact Madame Giry?" she asked. "You truly must have liked him then."
Aunt Ingrid nodded. "It is hard not to feel compassion for him, once you know his full story. Just to think that despite everything he still had it in him to comfort a suffering child like you were when Gustaf died, says something about this man."
She smiled. "Now, don't you have a rehearsal to attend, child?" she asked. "I will see you at your lunch break. And when you see Erik tonight, at your usual lesson," she couldn't help but stress the last word. Were those really just lessons – or were those meetings not rather some sort of dates? "When you see him, ask him about Madame Giry and explain how we could help him getting in touch with her."
