It was another boring day at 4 Privet Drive. Petunia Dursely was busy giving her readers cryptic clues about what the "something more" about her was. Vernon Dursely is not a goodie, blood relative or sworn nemesis of the hero, so we don't really care what he was doing. Dudley- well, at a guess, he was either bullying small children or eating.

Harry, the point of this story, was heartily enjoying his summer. His lawyers had had a meeting with JK Rowling's lawyers, and now Harry got 40 percent of her earnings. With this, Harry had managed to turn his room into a luxury bachelor pad.

As he was amusing himself by flicking the light switch on and off, an owl flew into his window with a note.

Harry

Want to come and stay at my place for the summer? You'll get there somehow, you always do.

Ron.

Harry replied with a letter saying

Ron,

No thanks. You're poor. I'm rich(er) now. I'm clinging to my new life until the last possible minute.

H.

And cling he did, to his new PS2, cool mirror, lava lamp, multifunctional gadget computer and his parent's photograph, onto which he had drawn an humorous pair of moustaches.

"OUT OF OUR RUDDY HOUSE, BOY! WE DON'T LIKE YOU!"

When they had finally prised him onto the Hogwarts Express, he found his way into a compartment.

"Hi, Harry!" shouted Hermione Granger, the best student in the year, and one of Harry's best friends.

"Ron's in there, brb."

Harry pushed open the door and saw Ron sitting staring into space, not breathing, not moving, until Harry coughed.

"Wha-? Oh, er, sorry mate, the author couldn't be bothered to make me move until the last minute," Ron told him

"There's an author? So if she decides to write about something else, I just-"

He froze for several minutes until Hermione walked in and sat down.

"Hey, what did you two get in your O.W.Ls?" she asked.

"Ohhhhhhh, so that's what this owl's doing!" said Harry, removing the owl that had been pecking him for several weeks, and opened the envelope attached to its leg.

"OH NO!" he screamed. "I GOT A T IN EVERYTHING!" "Wait, this is Ron's. This is mine." He scanned his results.

"OH MY GOD, I GOT A T IN EVERYTHING!" screamed Hermione.

"Woohoo! I got an O in everything!" yelled Harry triumphantly. "Wait a minute- Hermione, I think we might have each other's results." They swapped.

"OH NO! I GOT A T IN EVERYTHING!" exclaimed Harry.

"So, Harry, what've you been doing this summer?" Hermione asked him

"I've been hangin' in my bachelor pad, man!" he replied.

"So where'd you get your school books from, if you didn't go to Diagon Alley with us?"

"HOLY CRAP!"

"Don't worry Harry." Hermione waved her wand and muttered "Continuityerrorfixitus." A new set of school books appeared at his side, Ron's purple afro returned to his usual style, and they all froze until they got to Hogwarts.

A/N: So, did you like it? Should I post the next chapter? R & R! Constructive Criticism welcome, but this is meant to be (a strange form of) humor, not a great work of literature.