A/N: Hi- This is- THE CHAPTER TWO OF ALMOST CERTAIN PERIL! But seriously, a big thankyou and cookie to everyone who reviewed (and I'll give anyone who reviews this chapter TWO cookies!)

Disclaimer (Which also applies to the first chapter, because I forgot to put one there): I don't own these characters, or anything to do with that world. Cause if I did, I'd be JK Rowling! MAN! That would be SO cool! They'd be all- "but we don't have a diamond that big-" and I'd be all- "But I'm JK Rowling, so get me one" and they'd be all- Anyway, what I said before.

"So, in conclusion, I am NOT going to die this book." Dumbledore sat down, nodding at his good friend Severus Snape.

Everyone started to stuff their faces with additives.

"WAIT!" shouted Dumbledore, making everybody spit out their additives.

"We have some new staff here. Professor Sirius Black will take you for Charms, Professor Lupin will take you for Transfiguration, Professor Tonks will be your new Care of Magical Creatures teacher and say hello to your newest, not-at-all-suspicious teacher-Professor Voldemort will be taking you for Divination."

A somewhat-evil (but not in the suspicious way) looking man stood up and bowed to a huge round of applause.

"Cool," said Harry. "It's like I've seen him before somewhere…Meh, it's probably just me."

Obviously all the pupils deciding what levels to do NEWTs in forgot all their dreams, and the qualifications needed for them, and only wanted to do the lessons being taught by Professors Black, Lupin, Tonks and Voldemort. Dumbledore said it was OK for Hermione, who had gotten O's in everything, but not for Harry and Ron, who had gotten all T's.

"Meh, what the hell," he said after five minutes of arguing. "It's not like I'm going to die soon." He changed all their T's into SUPER-O's.

"There you go, boys." he said pleasantly.

After they had received their timetables, Ron and Hermione slacked off their prefect duties to hang with Harry.

"Harry, will you let me crash at your bachelor pad in the summer?" asked Ron.

"Sure thing Ron- if you let me hook up with your sister."

"Word."

And with that word, they all fell asleep.

(asterisk, asterisk, asterik)

"HOLY CRAP HARRY! WE'RE LATE FOR CHARMS!" shouted Hermione, with Ron frantically getting his stuff in the background.

"HOLY CRAP! HAUL ASS! Follow me, books!" They ran to their charms classroom, the three sets of books arriving five minutes before them.

"Woah…Sorr…We're…late…..Proff…Black….physica…exercise…Nooooooooooo!" Harry managed to pant, while Hermione being the observant girl she is, asked "Professor Black? Aren't you meant to be dead?"

"Umm...yes…Can't you see that I am clearly his ghost? I'm a ghost teacher! Like that…history dude, who is never mentioned any more."

"Ahhh, true, that." Hermione replied. "Professor Bunns- we miss you."

"Well, anyway- today we are going to learn how to be charming- and who is more charming than James Bond? What makes him so charming?" A random student put his hand up "His diabolically British accent?"

"Precisely! And today, boys, we're going to practise our British accents, and try them out on the ladies!"

"Sir? We're already British, so we already have British acc-" Hermione started to say.

"Quiet, you! Now stand over there with the other girls, and be scantily-clad and seductive." Hermione immediately had gorgeous hair, perfect teeth, a curvy figure, and a tiny suit that left very very little to the imagination.

"What? I get made over in fanfics all the time- I know what I'm doing."

"Fan…fic?" Harry pondered.

After an hour of being Diabolically British, they hurried out of the door as fast as they could.

"Hey, what do we have next?" Harry asked Hermione, who was still very scantily-clad.

"Umm…Divination, with Professor Voldemort."

So, how will their lesson with Professor Voldemort go? Will there ever be any romance in this story? Why am I asking you all these questions? Please R&R and tell me if I should continue or curl up and die.