Hi! Oh my God, I'm so sorry I haven't updated-stupid Life. Anyway, gives two cookies to everyone who reviewed chapter two Now, seeing as this is chapter three, how many cookies do you think you get? That's right. FOUR!

"Hey, Hermione!" Ron raised his eyebrows seductively.

"What? Oh." Hermione was immediately back to her usual self, and all her various fanboys sighed.

"Don't worry. There'll be some huge dance in a few weeks where I suddenly turn beautiful again, and get with the hottest guy there." She winked, and all the boys started practising their Super-hotness moves.

By the time that crazy misadventure was over, they were already at the Divination classroom, where everyone was eagerly awaiting Professor Voldemort.

"Harry-I just realized something about Professor Voldemort!" Ron said excitedly. "He has the same name as that dude who was in the back of Quirrel's head! And who was a diary! And who…mysteriously vanished in our third year. BUT THEN HE WAS IN A GRAVEYARD! Spooooooky! And then, in the fifth year, when you battled him in the Ministry of Magic, POW! ZAP! Take that, Voldy!"

"Well yeah, Ron, but duh! That was LORD Voldemort, and this is PROFESSOR Voldemort. See the difference?"

"Well, one is "Lord", and one is "Professor", but it's still Voldemort." said Ron sulkily. "And besides, he does look slightly suspicious." A random Death Eater came and smited Ron; Harry and Hermione laughed heartily at his escapades.

"Come up the ladder, you dumb kids! I've been waiting for five minutes!" Came an angry voice. "I mean- come, new Seers, and let me introduce you to my ways of seeing." You could just tell he was waving his arms around when he said this. As they climbed up the ladder and into the Divination room, you could see Voldemort evaluating everyone as they walked past.

"Ugly, Uglier, Gay." Neville, Dean and Seamus.

"Plastics." Lavender and Parvati.

"Prep, Bodyguard, Failed Bodyguard School." Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle, who was now staring enviously at Crabbe's Bodyguard School degree and sighing.

"Swot, reject." Hermione and Ron. Then he saw Harry

"Arch-nemisis-Ummm……I mean……Hi, Harry!" He said with a large grin.

Ron glared at Professor Voldemort suspiciously, but Hermione whispered something to him and stamped on his foot. After everyone had taken their seats and shut up, Professor Voldemort began.

"Now class, I'm going to show you one of the most important parts of Divination, the WEAPONS." Ron looked even more suspiciously at him, and even Hermione put up her hand.

"How do weapons relate to Divination?"

"In many ways, swot. Firstly, people used to use Divination to see when people would hit them with weapons. And, I can't think of a second reason right now. Five points from Gryffindor.

"Anyway, as I was saying, one of the most important weapons is the mace. A quick demonstration would be useful here, I think. Arch nemesis-Harry, come up here."

As Harry walked up to Voldemort, Hermione put up her hand.

"Sir, isn't it illegal to hit students with a mace?" He glared at her.

"Yes, I suppose you're right, Miss Swot."

"Sir, are you supposed to be this rude to students?"

"Shut up, Uglier."

A few more rounds of Harryalmost being killed with various weapons later, the bell rang.

"And it's all-right, 'cos I'm saved by the bell!" Harry sang on the way out.

"Dude, who watches that show?" asked Ron "Ta-iiii-na! I know some day, I'm gonna see my name in lights, nothing's gonna stop me, you'll see! I will go far!"

"Anyway, time for the end of the chapter. Harry say something conclusive that'll want the readers to come back for more!" Hermione urged.

"…….I like peas?"

Was it OK? Should I go hang myself for my poor efforts, or bask in my coolness? Please review!