Well…if you're going to kill me, do it nicely. Also, every time you don't review, God kills a kitten.
Harry woke up, his hand clutching his scar. Because his scar hurting could mean a million different things, including a headache, he knew instantly that Voldemort was nearby.
"Hey, Professor Voldy!" he said to Professor Voldemort, who had a chainsaw near Harry's neck.
"…don't call me Voldy." He said, and then hurled himself out of the window, breaking a few bones on the way down.
"Hey Ron? RON! RON, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"
"Shh… I'm asleep."
"Ron-seriously. If you were Voldemort, you'd tell me, right?"
"Sure I would."
"'Kay then. Night."
"But Harry-we're already half an hour late for breakfast-"
"I SAID goodnight." With that, Harry rolled over and slept for a few more hours.
(A few hours later)
SUDDENLY AND UNEXPECTEDLY! Hermione ran up.
"Hey, guys!" she shouted. "We have Transfiguration with Professor Lupin!" she then squealed a fangirl squeal.
"Hermione, wasn't Transfiguration, like, three hours ago?"
"Well, yeah, but he expanded the lesson length due to extra interest." She then giggled a fangirl giggle, and ran off.
"Lupin!" Ron shot up in bed. "Let's go!"
A few nanoseconds later
"Hi Professor Lupin!" The whole class was crammed right at the front, grinning madly.
"Hello, class…" The whole class gasped, then fell off their chairs.
"Right," said Lupin. "Today, we'll learn how to turn a…" he looked around desperately, "a lamp into a…chair! Everyone get out your wands and say "hocus pocus, tiddly dee, please get these kids away from me." Everyone immediately did as they were told, and since they were so enthusiastic, all the lamps in the room turned into chairs. It also went dark for some completely unrelated reason.
"So…You're all obsessive Lupin fan…persons, are you?" Lupin said politically correctly. Everyone immediately nodded and displayed the I 3 LUPIN T-shirts Draco Malfoy had been selling outside Herbology proudly.
"Well, since I don't know squat about Transfiguration, and you obviously don't care if you pass your exams or not, why don't you just take photos of me?"
Hermione raised her hand. "Sir, I care if I pass my exams or not."
Lupin glared at her. "So, Hermione. You love qualifications and having a "job" more than you love old Professor Lupin?"
"No, no, NO!" Hermione shouted in shock. "I'm the biggest Lupin fangirl in here! I have THREE I 3 LUPIN T-shirts! I'm even a Remus/Sirius fangirl!"
Lupin gave her a suspicious glance. "Well, I guess you pass the test for now."
"I have FIVE I 3 LUPIN T-shirts…" Dean mumbled angrily from the back.
"Wow," grinned Harry. "That was the best lesson I've ever had!"
"Evah!" agreed Ron and Hermione.
"Well, we have lunch now. Plain, old, predictable lunch. I bet nothing will happen in lun-OW, my scar!"
RANDOMLY AND FOR APPARANTLY NO REASON! Professor Voldemort ran up.
"Hey, kids!" he said, grinning.
"Oh, hey Voldy!" said the trio.
"I said, don't call me Voldy! Anyway, do you have any…uh…deep dark secrets you'd like to tell me?"
Harry and Hermione shrugged, but Ron let out a giggle, and leaned into Voldy's ear and started whispering.
One boring, predictable lunchtime later
"Well," said Harry. "I guess we have (insert lesson here) with (insert teacher here) now. Let's go!" They all set off, doing a jaunty walk, until Ron stopped and gasped at a large poster that read RON WEASLEY LIKES PEANUT BUTTER!111!"!22!3!
Everyone had stopped to stare at the poster, gasping.
"Ron, is this…true?" whispered Hermione. "Is this what you told Voldy?"
"NO!" shouted Ron. "I told Voldy about my secret crush on Seamu-I mean, I didn't tell him anything!"
"Suuuuuure!" said Harry, in an annoying superior tone.
"Harry, I DON'T LIKE PEANUT BUTTER!" Ron shouted. "WHY WOULD YOU ACCUSE ME OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT? THAT'S SICK AND WRONG!"
"Suuuuuure!" grinned Harry.
"Harry, I'm warning you…"
"Suuuuure!"
Ron growled. "That's it! I'm not talking to you two anymore!" he yelled.
"What did I do?" asked Hermione, shocked.
"You didn't notice all the obvious Ron/Hermione evidence in the books!"
"Ron, it was you who didn't notice the Ron/Hermione evidence."
"Yeah….well…NYHHHHH!" And with that, Ron stormed off.
Round a corner, Professor Voldemort cackled. "My first step to destroying Harry Potter is in progress…now to get rid of Hermione!"
DUN!
DUN!
DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!
