. Go the Distance .


"I have often dreamed of a far off place,

Where a hero's welcome would be waiting for me.

Where the crowds would cheer, when they see my face,

And a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be."

~ "Go the Distance" by Michael Bolton, from Disney's Hercules


Natsu awoke from his dream with a hysterical cry. He was upright in an instant, his face streaked with tears and his heart aching and racing so painfully that he pressed a curled fist over his chest. He could hear in the room beside his as Wendy stirred, but didn't wake. Swearing under his breath because he didn't want to wake up his young cousin, he clenched his jaw and cried silently.

He hated crying. He didn't do it often. He'd not really cried since the loss of Igneel, although sometimes the memories would bring tears to his eyes. The only time he remembered crying as hard as he had at Igneel's funeral had been when Gajeel had shown up and informed him that they'd be living together, because he'd hated that place the social workers had put him more than anything else.

But he let himself cry, simply because he didn't really think he had a choice.

He could remember the group that had been around him. Some faces had been clearer than others, and there had been a few of the clearer ones that he'd nearly been able to see entirely, but hadn't succeeded when he'd tried to squint at them. They'd all been warm and welcoming, and he could practically feel the love that had radiated off of each and every one of them for him. Most of it had come from one person in particular, the one whose face was clearest yet still hidden.

He knew he was loved. By Wendy and Gajeel, maybe even by Lucy in a friendly manner by this point. Even Happy in his weird cat way. But not like that. Not even Igneel had given him that kind of love and feeling. And Igneel had loved him fiercely.

Scrubbing at his eye, free hand stroking the sleepy cat in his bed, Natsu checked his phone for the time. "Fuck," he huffed. It was only 2:30 a.m. He couldn't call Lucy, who'd reassured him that she was more than happy to talk to him whenever he wanted. She'd said that, but he knew she had an early start with the bakery the next morning, and he wouldn't force her to.

Yet…

Natsu touched his chest again and then finally took a deep breath before grabbing his phone. He dialed Lucy's number, aware that his eyes were still leaking tears. Natsu put the phone to his ear and patiently waited as the call rang and rang and rang and rang-

"Hello?" a very sleepy Lucy Heartfilia answered suddenly. Her voice was low and thick with sleep. For some reason, Natsu found that it sent chills down his spine; he liked the sound of her voice, with or without that tone, but something about the huskiness made him want to whimper.

"Lucy," Natsu rasped hoarsely, voice thick with emotion.

"Natsu?" she replied, voice sounding a little clearer. He heard rustling as she sat up, a yawn escaping her. "What's up? It's, like, two in the morning."

"Sorry," he said immediately, guilty. "I should have waited-"

Lucy snorted softly. "No, no, you're always fine to call me." Maybe they'd not known each other long, but Natsu felt the same. "What's up?" she repeated, yawning again.

His lips trembled. Biting back another sob because damn it, he didn't want to sound like a baby in front of her, he choked out, "Dream. I had...I had another dream, and...it wasn't bad or anything, but it was too good. I didn't want to wake up. It hurts. In my chest. Badly." He'd never been so forward with his pain, crying and suffering for loss and other such things when he was in the privacy of his room. He'd never gone to Gajeel for comfort when he'd come to save he and Wendy from the homes. Not even Wendy had seen him cry.

But there was just something about Lucy that reassured him. Something that told him she wouldn't mind his tears and wouldn't think any less of him.

"Oh, Natsu," Lucy said softly, her voice sympathetic. "Tell me about it. Your dream, I mean. Tell me about your dream."

So he did. Natsu explained in detail about everything that had happened, about the faces that were both unclear and clear. The love that had come from all of them and that one person in particular. How that one person had smelled of starlight, although he wasn't entirely sure of how that was possible. He remembered the dream he'd had the night he'd called Levy for the first time and remembered the same smell. It was one person, and he included that in his explanation, too.

When he was done, Lucy said gently, "I'm sorry. I know it hurts. I've had dreams like that, too, more often than not recently." She paused, as if thinking everything over, and then added quietly, "You know what helps me? I go and read a book. It lets me think of anything else but what hurts."

Natsu glanced at his sparsely filled bookshelf. It only really held books from his childhood, given to him by Igneel, and one or two novels that Wendy had insisted he'd like. "I'm...I'm not a big reader."

"We'll fix that," she decided firmly, sounding excited by the idea. "Tomorrow, I'll take you to the bookstore. We'll find you some new books that we're sure you'll like. We'll invite Wendy along. I bet she can help us. Since it's Saturday."

Natsu nodded slowly even though she couldn't see it. "Okay," he agreed aloud. "That sounds good."

"Good. Now, I need to let you go so that I can go back to sleep and not be cranky when we meet up. Does ten sound good? We'll meet at my bakery so I can make sure the employees know that I'm not going to be in."

"Yeah. I'll bring Wendy." He let out a large gust of air. "Thanks, Lucy."

"Of course. Let's just make it so we don't make habits of talking at two in the morning, okay? I don't know about you, but I like my sleep."

She hung up after that, and Natsu ran a hand down his smiling face, shaking his head.

Lucy was most certainly something else.


Ten o'clock in the morning found Natsu ducking into the Heartfilia Bakery with his cousin. Wendy was bouncing cheerfully, grateful that it was Saturday and that he had invited her to join him and Lucy at the bookstore. Mostly because she was excited that he was finally doing something other than watching TV or playing video games.

And he'd promised to buy her something from the bakery.

"Natsu!" Lucy cheerfully called from behind the counter, wearing a black apron. She whisked around the counter. "I'll be ready to go in a sec. Do you two want anything before we go?"

"Two of your daily special muffins," Natsu said, immediately grinning broadly at the woman. Wendy giggled at the way he lit up, excited to see her. "And we'll wait over at the table you and I usually sit at."

"Sounds good. Give me a minute." She winked and then was heading into the back.

Natsu and Wendy meandered over to sit at the table he'd mentioned, and when they had, they leaned back in their chairs, both watching everyone else. Neither minded waiting; the bakery was a comforting place to hang out in, with calm customers who didn't cause any problems. "I like Lucy," Wendy said suddenly, speaking low so only her cousin could hear her. "She's really nice, Natsu."

"I know. I like Lucy, too," he agreed readily and then threw Wendy a glare when she giggled at him. "Don't start, Wendy."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Natsu," Wendy said wisely and then beamed and waved. Natsu followed her gaze and grinned himself when he saw Lucy approaching. She held a muffin in each hand and a pleasant smile on her face. "Hi, Lucy!"

"Hi, Wendy." Lucy handed each of them a muffin. "Ready to go?"

"Yep!" Wendy hopped to her feet, bouncing up and down in excitement. "And thank you for the muffin."

"No problem," Lucy replied and then waved off Natsu when he reached for his wallet. "They're on the house, Natsu. My treat. Come on." Her dark eyes twinkled as she shouldered her purse, meeting his gaze. He felt something tug in the back of his mind as she beamed at him, as if he should have remembered something he wasn't remembering. "Let's go shop for books. I'll drive."

"Thank goodness," Wendy groaned, looking beyond relieved at the prospect of Lucy's driving. Natsu sputtered, a little insulted, but Lucy only winked at them both and sauntered her way out of the Heartfilia Bakery, gesturing for them to follow suit.

The day was incredibly fun, and though Natsu had never been a very big fan of books or shopping for them. He'd never understood why Wendy had so much fun going to bookstores and browsing the shelves for hours on end. He still didn't understand the desire. But he found that he could have watched Lucy browse those bookshelves, muttering under her breath, for hours. She looked as if she loved those shelves of books more than her bakery, and Natsu found himself curious as to why.

So when he awoke the next night with that same heart-wrenching pain, Natsu reached out for one of the books Lucy had gifted him and ran his fingers over the spine as he checked the time. He pressed his lips together at the sight of the clock. Three-twenty-four in the morning, he mused.

He gently opened the book to the first page and began to read.


By the end of the week, Natsu found he wasn't doing well. He'd not slept in over twenty-four hours, too scared to do so. He couldn't deal with the pain that the dreams brought him anymore. He'd avoided Lucy for the past two days despite her questioning if he was up for coming to visit the bakery - her treat, as always - simply because he didn't want to upset her with the fact that the reading had done nothing for him. Natsu would have gone to the museum, which seemed to comfort him for some reason, but he knew Lucy frequented there, too.

Which was why Natsu found himself leaning against a tree despite the surprisingly frigid air. It was still fall, so he questioned why it was that cold, but he didn't mind. The brisk sharpness kept him awake. Hunching his shoulders against the chill so that the fur-lined hood on his coat brushed his cheeks, Natsu scanned the empty park with tired eyes - and proceeded to jump in surprise when a voice barked, "Hey! Natsu!"

He cranked his head over his shoulder and blinked, startled to see Gray Fullbuster striding through the snow, adjusting the collar of his coat. Out of all the people Natsu had been expecting to find him, Gray Fullbuster was last on the list. No, scratch that, he wasn't even on the list of people Natsu expected to come after him. Observant despite his exhaustion, Natsu noticed the creases in Gray's face. He was shocked. Gray was just as tired and sleep-deprived as he was.

"Hi," Natsu said warily, not sure of what to say to the man who'd decided to join him. He'd only spoken with him once or twice, and that was with Lucy there as a buffer. For some reason, he didn't truly mind Gray's presence, although he put on the front of otherwise. "What do you want?"

Gray narrowed his eyes. "You upset Lucy, so I'd really like to punch you, actually, but that'll upset her more, so I won't."

Natsu grimaced. "She told you then." A statement, not a question. He'd been told that Gray was Lucy's best friend before even Levy had shown up. He hunched his shoulders further and cleared his throat. "Other than wanting to punch me then."

"Why are you avoiding her?" Gray clearly wasn't going anywhere until he answered. The dark-haired man stood beside Natsu with a comfortable look on his face, not minding the cold at all. "She likes you, you know. Dunno if she really likes you, but she considers you a fairly good friend. And that's hard to do with Lucy. With her family and all."

Natsu frowned, glancing at him. "What's with her family?"

"You've never heard of the Heartfilias?" Gray looked stunned. Natsu shook his head. "They were - still are - the richest family in Fiore. Lucy's got a good couple billion dollars shoved away somewhere. She doesn't usually touch it, and a good chunk of it is pulled out for charity every month, but she used to live in a giant mansion like some kind of princess out of a fairy tale. And most people know it. She's had countless guys try to get friendly with her just to get their hands on it."

Natsu gaped at him. "You're kidding," he wheezed, shaking his head. That explained a lot about why Lucy had been so determined to pay a solid chunk of money for Natsu's books, why she'd not minded handing out free food to him all the time.

"She hated it all," he replied. Gray ran a hand through his hair. "Her mom died when she was young and her old man was a bastard. Was always gone, so he'd hire nannies until she was old enough to demand she stay at my place and then she ran away when she was about seventeen. Came back when she was legal so she wouldn't have to be dragged back and stayed at my place until she had a good set up. Dad died a couple of years ago, leaving the entire fortune to her so no one but a Heartfilia would touch the money."

Natsu felt a stab in his gut. Maybe she'd not liked her father, but Natsu knew what it was like to miss a parent you lost when you were young. Maybe she'd not told him about it herself, but he'd not told her either. "Where are you going with this?"

"Lucy trusts about three whole people right now with her whole soul. She trusts her staff with the bakery, but nothing more. Levy, me, and you. I don't know why she trusts you. It took Levy and I years to convince her we weren't after her money. But she chose to trust you. So stop being a prick that's avoiding her and go tell her you're sorry. She's miserable." Gray glared at him.

Natsu grumbled, but told himself that he'd go and see her when he was done. "I'm not...avoiding her," he gritted out. That was a lie. He had been. "I just haven't been sleeping and she tried to help, but it didn't work. I didn't want her to think I didn't appreciate it."

"Then what the hell are you avoiding her for?" Gray demanded.

"Why do you care?" Natsu retorted. "Why did you go out of your way and come find me and tell me to stop avoiding her when you clearly don't like me and could have told her to just forget about me and move on?"

Gray stiffened, having not expected such a question. He thought it over desperately, remembering what Levy had told him, and then said gruffly, "It's not important. You just...make Lucy happy, so I figured I should put myself second and let her be happy. So stop being a prick, you hear me? Go visit the bakery. It's open today." He pushed his hands into his pockets and strode away without waiting for an answer.

Natsu watched him go with a curious cock of his head. Something about Gray Fullbuster was different then he remembered, when he'd run out on Lucy weeks prior. He wondered what had happened to make Gray so concerned, because Gray before then would have undoubtedly done just as Natsu had suggested. That weird tug in the back of his head yanked sharply, but Natsu turned a blind eye on it and instead sighed heavily to himself and grudgingly started forward, reaching for his car keys.

He wouldn't go see Lucy. Not today. He couldn't bring himself to. But he knew exactly where he was going to go.


Natsu meandered through the museum, ignoring others that were wandering through it. He knew exactly where the subject of his desires was and when he found it, he simply stood there, staring at it.

It was the scarf, the scaled scarf that Levy had told him about his first time in the museum. He longed to touch it, but didn't dare. He didn't feel like being thrown in jail or facing Levy McGarden's rumored temper when it came to her precious artifacts. He couldn't explain why, but even looking at it brought him a feeling of safety and peace that nothing else could.

Natsu stood before that scarf for a good while, not really sure how long. The second he heard the familiar clacking of Levy coming, however, her voice raised as she lead a tour group, Natsu turned and left. He didn't want another scolding. His heart already ached violently enough to make him feel sick.

Natsu ran a hand through his pink hair, miserable, and made himself promise to visit Lucy the next day.


Poor Natsu's having some problems, eh? AND FINALLY A NEW CHAPTER! I'm so excited to start moving forward now. I was thinking about Sabertooth the other night, and where they might be in this world. I look forward to showing you all. ;)

I won't thank reviewers by name due to them being odd with me changing the chapter numbers, so I'll start up against after this chapter. HOWEVER, THANK YOU TO ALL WHO WERE PATIENT, REVIEWED, FOLLOWED, AND FAVORITED! I LOVE YOU ALL!