. Would You Kindly Calm Me Down .
"So cold, alone.
Could you be my blanket?
Surround my bones
When my heart feels naked.
No strength, too weak.
I could use some saving…
…
When my heart's not pure,
would you kill my disease?
And when there's no cure,
You are just what I need.
When I lose my mind,
Would you still remind me?
When I'm feeling lost,
Would you come and find me?
…
If I need you now, would you kindly calm me down?"
~ "Would You Kindly Calm Me Down" by Meghan Trainor
The day had not been a good one for her. Not one bit. Lucy had awoken as bright and early as ever, but had felt odd the day after Levy had brought the pair of strangers into her bakery. Her skin had crawled, her head had ached, and her stomach churned. Yukino and Lisanna had noticed, she knew, but had said nothing other than kindly asking if she needed anything.
Lucy had waved them off. She was fine, she'd told them, her face pale.
But it hadn't stopped her from closing up early and heading out, feeling guilty. Natsu had promised to come in that evening, but Lucy just couldn't bring herself to stay a moment longer. She needed to be alone, needed to sort out what was wrong and get some damn good rest.
But that rest hadn't come easily.
Everything was wrong, ruined, broken, gone. She knelt alone in the street, sobbing and crying and screaming until she made herself sick. She screamed and screamed, as if it would do her any good, as if it would bring back the person she loved most.
A voice filled her ear. Comforting, though streaked with fear. Arms circled her, trying to pull her back, but she couldn't bring herself to get up, couldn't bring herself to stop screaming that single name.
She screamed, and screamed, and screamed.
Gone. He was gone. She'd tried so hard, but he was gone. As if he'd never ever existed. The one she loved more than anyone else was gone, dead, never existed. She'd seen his smiling face as he'd stumbled towards her, arms open, smelling of smoke and familiarity and full of an internal warmth that comforted her when nothing else could. And now…
Gone.
So she screamed.
And screamed.
And screamed.
Lucy was awoken by the sound of her own screams and the banging on her front door that accompanied it. A neighbor called worriedly and Lucy, realizing her face was streaked with tears, heart racing so fast she nearly brought up her supper, stumbled out of bed. She hurried over to the door, bumping into furniture and cursing.
She pried the door open, knowing she looked like a mess, and tried to smile faintly at the man standing before her. A frown resided on his face, his blue eyes full of clear concern despite the fact that it was around two in the morning and he'd clearly just rolled out of bed, the only thing on him the pants he'd probably dragged on before leaving his apartment. "You good, Lucy?" he asked. "Heard you screaming."
"Yeah," she said hoarsely. "Sorry for waking you up, Sting."
Sting Eucliffe wrinkled his nose a little, not looking like he believed her. "You sure?"
"Nightmares," she muttered back.
He nodded in thought and offered, "Do you want company? You're kind of a mess. Or I can call someone for you if you want to get cleaned up."
Lucy made a face at the thought of anyone coming over this early in the morning. But...something in her chest twisted as she thought of Natsu. He'd come. She could feel it. He'd come if she asked him. "I guess you can hang out until I can get someone else here." She stepped aside, offering for him to come in. Sting didn't hesitate, shuffling in with a yawn. "I'm really sorry. About waking you up."
"S'fine," he reassured. "I was worried that you were being murdered or something."
She snorted softly, waving at her couch, and went to retrieve her phone. When she came back out of her room, she found him slouched comfortably on her couch, just as she'd expected. She curled up on the other side of the couch, tucking her legs beneath her and typing out a quick message to Natsu, hesitating before sending it.
Quick and simple. She'd sent him her address, alongside a small "bad dreams" in explanation.
He'd come, she was sure.
"So," Sting said, cracking another yawn though he tried to stifle it. "What happened in your dream?"
Lucy thought back about it and shuddered, remembering how her own screams had echoed through the near-empty streets, those arms that had tried to pull her back even as she'd been unable to forget the sheer agony that had accompanied the loss she'd felt. She wrapped her arms around her legs. "I don't want to talk about it."
He shrugged, not bothered. "Alright, I'll be hangin' around if you do."
She frowned at him. "Don't you have a job to get up for?" she suddenly asked, grimacing. Sting was a fairly busy person, although she wasn't entirely sure on what he did. Something that paid well if he was in the same building as she was.
Sting flashed her a wide grin and said, "Yep. Don't mind losing some sleep if you were scared enough to be screamin' the floor awake though." He settled down further in her couch as her phone vibrated. She checked it and felt a stab of relief. Natsu had agreed to come, promising he'd be there soon.
"What exactly do you do?" She'd really not had much discussions with Sting, she was realizing. Quick "hello"s here and there, waves, small talk when she'd moved in and he'd offered his assistance only to be turned down. But they'd never had a full conversation.
Sting tapped his fingers thoughtfully on the chair, thoughtfully cocking his head. "I help people find other people." When she furrowed her brow, he said with a shrug, "I'm really good at finding things online, so I work with a lot of officials when people disappear and stuff, but I really like helping people who want to find their families if they've been adopted and stuff. I was adopted when I was little, and I always wondered why it was even necessary. Never found my family, but Dad said it was for the best. I was with him for a reason, and he was glad to have me there."
Lucy blinked in surprise. Out of all the things she'd expected, that had not been it. "That's such a nice job," she muttered, smiling a little.
"It's great," he agreed. "Kind of sucks sometimes, and it doesn't always pay well, but Dad made sure I was set to live nicely before he died." He paused, then said, "What about you? I know you're a Heartfilia and you make the rest of us look ridiculously low on money," she winced, not really appreciating that, "but what do you do most of the time?"
Lucy took a deep breath, putting her chin on her knees. "The Heartfilia Bakery in town. Magnolia's most famous bakery."
"I've heard of it," Sting admitted. "Never stopped by 'cause I figured it'd be weird."
"Not at all. My friends come by all the time, and I've got some great employees. Feel free to stop by whenever you want," she replied with a broad smile. Lucy tucked a strand of golden hair behind her eyes and added, "I like when people I know and like come by. Keeps the weird people away and gives me a break."
"I'll stop by soon then," he promised. "You got someone coming over? I'm getting ready to crash."
"Yeah. One of my friends is on his way over." Lucy smiled faintly. "You can head out if you want. I'll read until he gets here or something."
Sting eyed Lucy critically, judging whether or not he wanted to actually leave her alone. "I'll stay," he decided. "I said I would, so I would."
The pair chattered for a while longer, Sting looking sleepier as time went on. Lucy felt guilty for keeping him up at crazy hours of the morning, but was grateful. It seemed like ages had passed before there was a hesitant knock on the door. Lucy hopped to her feet and Sting climbed off the couch with a yawn, looking happy that he'd be heading to bed.
"Hey, Natsu," Lucy said when she'd opened the door. Her sleepy pink-haired friend blinked in surprise at the sight of Sting, who nosily leaned over Lucy's shoulder to peer at him.
Natsu furrowed his brow, eyeing Sting warily. "Hi," he said after a moment, confused.
Sting's lips twitched in amusement as Lucy introduced, "Natsu, this is my neighbor, Sting Eucliffe." Natsu's face twisted at the name, as if he was even more confused. "Sting, this is Natsu Dragneel." She arched a brow when Sting scrunched up his face, too. "Are you two okay? Am I missing something?"
Natsu squinted at Sting. "Dunno. Maybe. I've heard your name before."
"Likewise." Sting raked his mind for a few moments before shrugging. "Oh, well. I gotta go get what sleep I can. Come and knock if you need anything, Lucy." He playfully ruffled her hair and then ducked past Natsu, giving him a curious look before disappearing down the hall. Natsu watched him go before ducking into Lucy's apartment at her invitation. She nudged the door shut behind him.
"Sorry for calling you over so early in the morning," Lucy said, grimacing. Her nightmare seemed so ridiculous now that she was thinking about it. Well, not ridiculous. She fumbled with her hands as she faced him, feeling incredibly guilty. "I just...there was this dream, and it was...it was horrible, and I didn't know what else to do, since you were the only one I could think of to-"
"Lucy," Natsu said, cutting her off. His onyx eyes were stretched wide with alarm, his face full of surprise. "It's fine. I don't mind."
She fidgeted again, biting her lip. She didn't necessarily know if she believed that it was truly okay, but if he claimed he didn't mind...she wrapped her arms around herself and ducked past him, heading back into the living room. Natsu trailed after her, frowning and looking concerned as Lucy dropped back into the seat she'd taken while Sting was there.
"What happened?" Natsu demanded, and Lucy glanced at him in surprise as he sank onto the couch right beside her. He nudged at her with his knee when she didn't answer right away, and Lucy jumped a little, having not expected it. "C'mon, you dragged me over. What was it about?"
Lucy didn't want to think about it, but it flickered through her mind anyways. She remembered the broken cobbled streets, the sheer loss that had stabbed her it was so thick. She remembered the arms of someone else wrapping around her, trying to pull her to safety even as she screamed and screamed for the one person who was gone, the one person she'd never see again-
She didn't realize she was crying again until a choked sound bubbled up from her chest, and she pressed her hands over her face, shuddering. Natsu sat up straighter, anxious. He'd never been good at dealing with crying people. "Lucy," he said quietly, worried about her. Maybe he'd not been the best choice, maybe it would have been better if she'd called someone else…
But she'd called him, because she'd thought he'd understand, he realized.
Lucy swallowed thickly after a few moments. "They're gone," she said, and something in his chest simply dropped. "I don't know who it is, but they're gone, and I keep...I keep screaming for them, but they're gone, and they're not coming back." She hiccuped. "This isn't...it's not like the dreams we've had before, where we miss people. This was... " Her voice quivered. "It was so much worse."
Natsu studied her, and not for the first time, Lucy realized just how important this strange man had become in her life. He was the only one who knew just how much these dreams bothered her. She'd not even told Gray. His face was expressionless, studying her closely, and she worried she'd done wrong in admitting it all, in asking him to come.
He'd called on her before, but…
"When you say gone," Natsu said hesitantly after a few moments, his voice quiet, "do you mean-"
"Dead. They were dead," she managed to force out. "I kept screaming for them. I...I thought if I screamed loudly enough... " She couldn't even name the dead person, couldn't even recall a face. She said as much and added with a shudder, "I can't...I can't deal with them anymore. If this is what my dreams are going to be like, I can't…" A hysterical sound escaped, and before she could say any more, Natsu dropped a heavy hand onto her head, patting it gently in a manner reminiscent of someone else. For some reason, the action reminded her of Gajeel, although she'd never seen him do such a thing.
It grounded her though, and Lucy latched onto his hand with her own, shaking. Her fingers trembled around his as she gripped it. He let her, looking more worried than previously. "Lucy," he said quietly, but didn't know what else to say.
So he sat there with her as she tried to recompose herself, let her hold onto his hand. When she had calmed down some, he rose to his feet, telling her to stay where she was. He disappeared into her kitchen, and Lucy found herself lifting a brow when he came back out a few minutes later with a cup of steaming hot tea in his hand. He looked so damn proud of himself for something as silly as helping himself to her kitchen.
"Here," he muttered, pushing it carefully into her hands. She was amazed he'd not dropped it. It was hot. She quickly set it down, shaking out her fingers, and murmured a thanks. He beamed at her. "You like tea, right? It's all you ever drink at the bakery."
Her heart twisted fondly. No one had ever noticed that so quickly. It had taken Gray years to realize just how much she cared for the hot drink. ""Thank you," she repeated, swallowing thickly.
"No problem," he said happily and dropped to sit beside her again, this time close enough that he nearly jostled her. She didn't mind. She liked his presence.
Silence, comfortable and loud, fell as Lucy waited for her tea to cool. When it had, she began sipping at it. She blinked, startled. He'd even picked out her favorite flavor. She felt another swell of warmth that nearly brought tears to her eyes.
Natsu Dragneel was truly amazing.
After a while of watching her sip at the tea he'd made, Natsu said casually, "I haven't had any like that. Dreams where people die." He grimaced at the idea of it. He could picture how it felt, didn't want to experience it. "I just get images of people I miss a lot, but they're always happy and alive. Especially the one person. The person who smells like starlight."
Lucy watched him as he spoke, biting her lip as she set down her tea. She'd heard him mention that one person several times with fondness, had compared that starlit person to the one she had always associated with a love so deep there was no way to properly describe it. The one who'd wrapped her in their arms and smelled of campfires. The one she'd screamed for, realizing she'd never ever get to feel that warmth, never get to hear their laughter.
Her heart lurched violently and Lucy took a shaken breath. "I hate them. The dreams. I wish they'd stop." He nodded his agreement, and she slid him a hesitant look as she added quietly, "But I'm glad I've had them. I wouldn't have met you otherwise."
The smile he gave her was as bright as the sun.
"Here," Lucy murmured, nursing near-burnt fingers as she pushed a steaming hot coffee into Natsu's hands. He'd stayed at her apartment for the remainder of the night, though she'd told him he didn't have to. He'd crashed on her couch in the end, and she'd been flustered when he'd prodded her awake, grinning at the fact that she, too, had fallen asleep on the couch, awkwardly sprawled out in the corner while he'd taken over an entire half.
"Thanks," Natsu chirped despite the black bruises beneath his eyes. He took a sip and she winced, imagining that it must have scalded him. He didn't seem to notice, instead glaring over her shoulder when the bell to the bakery rang and someone ducked in.
Lucy glanced back and grimaced when Gajeel stepped in, already bristling. "Look out," Lucy whispered with a hint of a sympathetic smile, already planning to deal with the situation for Natsu since it was technically her fault. Natsu glanced back, and then swore under his breath, holding his coffee in front of him for defense as he turned to face his cousin.
"Hey, Gajeel," Natsu said faintly, but he was having none of it, eyes blazing with anger.
"I dragged you," Gajeel seethed, "out of those homes when I turned eighteen because I knew that Igneel would have wanted it." Natsu flinched like he'd been struck. Lucy awkwardly looked between them, unsure if she should leave after all. "I knew what those places were like. I could have left you there and gone off and done shit for myself. I could have gone to school, I could have gotten a job, I could have left you there. But I know what would have happened if I'd left you and Wendy, especially you. I almost got sent to prison for you."
Lucy's gaze shifted between them again, shock crossing her features. What the hell had gone down that Gajeel had almost gotten sent to prison? Still, she thought he was being unfair. They'd not even explained just yet.
But he continued, his hands curling into angry fists. "The only thing I asked you to do when I went through hell and back to get you two out of there, when I got that house at your little suggestion, was to not hurt Wendy again. She'd been through enough, and all I wanted was you to not make her cry. That was the only thing I asked you to do."
His voice rose to a shout, and Lucy was grateful they were the only three in the bakery at the moment. "So why the hell am I being woken up to her crying again, because you decided you want to disappear in the middle of the night?" His entire body seemed to heave with rage. "You know what disappearing into thin air is like for us, Natsu, so why the fuck are you doing it now?"
Lucy's lips were parted in shock, her brown eyes as wide as saucers. Natsu said nothing. He only pressed his mouth into a hard line and slowly set his coffee down, grimacing. Finally, he said, "I didn't disappear, I just-"
"You just what?" Gajeel barked, stalking closer. Lucy flinched when he jabbed Natsu in the chest with a finger. Natsu hissed, rubbing the spot.
"Stop it," he said angrily, voice hardening. "I'm an adult, Gajeel. I don't need you looking over my shoulder every five seconds-"
"You're sure acting like it!" Another jab. "You couldn't even leave a note saying where you'd gone? Do you know how long it took me to get Wendy to calm down enough to be able to worry about anything else?"
Natsu's voice lifted to a shout, a tone of voice Lucy had never heard come from him. "Would you just shut up for a second and let me finish talking?"
Gajeel took on a flinty look and jabbed him a third time, earning a furious sound from Natsu. Lucy bit her lip, worried that she'd have to go and find someone in the street to break up a fight. "You couldn't even pick up your phone when I called. I almost called the cops! When you don't come back one morning, am I gonna have to go to a morgue and identify your body, too?"
Natsu's entire body locked up. Lucy wasn't sure what emotions flickered over his features, but she decided to step in, because she was fairly sure he was nearing a breaking point. Clearing her throat, she stepped around the counter and said softly, feeling guilty for even considering dragging Natsu out of his bed, "It's my fault."
Gajeel whirled on her and then paused, as if just realizing she was there. "Like hell it is," he grumbled, not daring to raise his voice to her. Her lips twitched. Levy most certainly had this odd man wrapped around her finger.
"No, it is," she said confidently. "I called him and asked him to come over. I had an incredibly horrible nightmare last night. I woke my neighbors up by screaming, I suppose." Natsu frowned at her, not liking that she was talking about something that had upset her so much to get him out of trouble.
Lucy smiled faintly at Gajeel. "I don't know what's going on, and...and why you're this upset, and it's really none of my business, but I'm sorry."
Gajeel frowned at her, debating whether or not to continue his rampage, and Natsu took advantage of the situation to warn him in a voice that sent worried chills down Lucy's spine, "If you yell at her, I'll end you, Gajeel."
The blonde snorted, though something told her Natsu wasn't joking, and Gajeel sent him a scathing look before turning his entire body to face her. Lucy was proud of herself for not recoiling from the amount of sheer rage turned onto her, and even lifted her chin, putting her hands on her hips. Beside her, Natsu's entire body seemed to tense, prepared to launch at his cousin. "I'm sorry for pulling Natsu out at odd hours of the night," she said dryly. "The next time Wendy comes by, I'll grab her number so that if it happens again, I'll let her know where he is."
And she would. She had no idea what had happened to them in the past, didn't know if she wanted to know, even, but she saw no issue with helping them keep the poor girl from having a melt down.
Gajeel worked his jaw angrily for a few moments before nodding curtly. He sent a piercing look at Natsu. "Make her cry again," he snarled, "and Igneel's house or not, you're done. I'll kick you to the curb."
Natsu took on a furious expression at the threat. "It's my house," he began to snarl.
"In my name," Gajeel said coldly, and then turned and left without a backwards look.
Lucy bit her lip nervously as Natsu slammed an angry fist onto the counter, giving a wordless growl of rage. "Natsu," she said hesitantly, "I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have called-"
"No," he snapped, and then grimaced. "Sorry." He took a deep breath to calm himself. He drew his hands down his face and then reached for his coffee again. "Gajeel gets pissed off really easily," he admitted ruefully. "Especially when it comes to Wendy. I do, too. Guess I was the one who did it this time, though."
She hesitated before saying softly, "You were an orphan?"
He glanced at her, then shrugged, making his way over to the table they regularly occupied. Lucy followed. "Yeah," Natsu admitted offhandedly, thoughtful. "Twice. We all were. Got adopted when I was little by Igneel," his tongue curled lovingly around his father's name, "and then he disappeared one day along with their parents. A couple days later, I guess Gajeel got called in to identify their bodies. No one knows what happened. Grandeeney and Metalicana adopted Gajeel and Wendy, too, by the way. We ended up back in the homes - in different ones for a long time. Wasn't the best place, so when Gajeel turned eighteen, he came and got us out. I owe him a lot."
Lucy furrowed her brow as he settled into a seat, grunting happily at the taste of his coffee. She casually slid into the seat across from him, glancing at the clock. They'd opened early; people would be coming by soon. "It's none of my business," she began, "but Gajeel mentioned almost going to jail?"
Natsu snorted and then moved the collar of his shirt aside, tipping his head. Lucy sputtered at the sight of a heavy scar that decorated his neck. "I got one of the older kids into trouble," he said, fixing his shirt. "He got pissed and tried to kill me with a shard of a mirror he broke. The home tried to cover it up, claiming it was an accident, and no one would listen to me. Gajeel showed up after I'd been in the hospital for a while, and when he found out, he got pissed and went after him. Got him to admit he did it. He's still in prison, I think." He glanced up and then stiffened. "Lucy-" he said in exasperation as she tried to blink back tears that weren't doing what she wanted.
"Sorry," she groaned, swiping hastily at her eyes. "It's just...horrible." And she'd complained about her life.
"Yeah, maybe," he said, feeling bad about making her cry again. Before he could stop himself, he reached out with a gentle hand and used his thumb to swipe tears away. She stilled, not moving an inch as he did so. When she did finally shift, she nearly leaned into the touch, and Natsu lingered before pulling back. "But it led me here, didn't it?"
Lucy stared at him, her heart swelling as she once again realized just how amazing Natsu Dragneel was.
I wrote this chapter in like half an hour. Did NOT plan for anything that went down with Gajeel, but. I'm happy with it. Also, this chapter turned out surprisingly long.
Thanks to reviewers (Lunar13, stranger1999, Guest #1, Lodemai04, KJacket, and Juvia is my spirit animal!) as well as those who favorited and followed!
