Disclaimer: It's probably obvious, but I don't own any of the HSM characters or their related elements.
Author's Note: I just noticed something funny about the earlier chapter. It's meant to be 2017… but Oprah's still on TV? I guess I got kind of lost in thinking this story was set around the present time. But you know, it's probably not that far a stretch to think that Oprah will be holding court on the airwaves until she's dead and buried.
Written June 27, 2006
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 4 – The Truth Untold
As the evening wore on, I sat on the couch, growing more and more tense. My eyes stared at the television, but the only thing I could focus on was the replay of our conversation in my mind. What did he mean about the kids? And worse… what did he mean about my name? Suddenly I realized my neck was stiff, cold sweat covered my palms, and a strange painful throb radiated out of the back of my head. It was as if just cycling through the memory had taken an intense amount of effort.
I turned slightly to look over at him. He sat on the other end of the couch, tapping at his laptop keyboard, lost in something he was reading. He looked like the same old Troy, the relaxed, easy guy I woke up next to this morning. But I couldn't shake the feeling that something was slightly off, as though there was a strange and unfamiliar layer hidden just under the surface of his skin. I realized suddenly that I was afraid to peel it away, find what was truly there.
Come on. I kept looking at him, trying to think instead about the reasons I loved him. His effortless, easy confidence. The way it felt when he held me in his arms. How easy it was to be with him, talk with him… to talk through anything. Maybe we should be talking right now. And maybe I would see that I was just overreacting.
Yeah. That was it. I was being silly. I felt my muscles relax slightly, and a small, nervous laugh escaped my mouth. Troy looked up, smiling suddenly.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just thinking about what you said earlier."
"About what?"
I shrugged, still smiling. "You know. You just sounded all disapproving when you talked about Sharpay not wanting to have kids so soon." I laughed again. "As if she did something really wrong, or something."
But I felt my stomach twist as his smile seemed to freeze. And when he spoke, he sounded mildly confused.
"Well… yeah," he said. "It just seems okay to have kids if you're able to handle it."
I felt tense again. "Even right after you're married, and you have kids already?"
He shrugged. "Why not?"
I could think of a million reasons why not. "Well… they could spend some real time with each other, instead of rushing off to add something new and confusing to the mix. I mean, it's not like you can just have a baby, then forget about it and go hang out with each other like nothing happened."
"But they would be building a family together. Which would be spending some real time with each other. It's not as if Zeke's getting any younger."
"But it's not as if Sharpay's just some baby machine."
He let out a breath. "It's not like that. He wants them to create something great together. He's not just forcing her to pop something out."
I found myself scoffing. "Well, it's not like he has to carry it around for nine months. He just gets to coo every now and then while she has to sacrifice her whole life, not to mention her career."
His voice turned forceful. "Her career? She's a housewife, Gabi." Then suddenly he shook his head and looked over at me, a touch of dismay in his eyes. "Look… who are we really talking about here? What are you trying to say?"
I crossed my arms. "I'm saying that I just don't see anything wrong with Sharpay's decision."
He was still holding his laptop on his legs. Looking down, he folded it slowly and put it on the coffee table. "No… you're saying that you're not interested in having any kids soon, even if we could take it financially."
A cold sweat had spread all over my body. "Well… I'm not."
He was quiet for a moment, staring at the table in front of him. "Wow," he said, nodding slowly, as if he couldn't believe it. "Wow. I didn't know that. I thought we both thought… the sooner the better."
I felt aghast. "No," I said, drawing my knees up to my chest tightly. "I don't know where you got that… but no."
"Okay." He took a deep breath, as if trying to take it all in. "Okay. So when?"
"A few years. Five, maybe six."
He looked over at me incredulously. "Six years?"
His tone bothered me. "It's not that long," I said, half-impatiently. "We'll be in our mid-thirties. It's plenty of time."
"But every second counts, Gabi." He let out his breath, frustrated. "My mom had me when she was around your age. I just want my kids to grow up like I did. While I can still play with them. Get them into basketball, or whatever."
"They'll be my kids too, Troy, and you'll still be young enough to play with them," I said tightly. "And my mom had me when she was 35 and I turned out fine. I don't want to have any kids until I'm good and ready."
He stared at me fiercely. "You're just…"
But he stopped himself, turning away from me sharply. Instead we both sat there in an almost painful silence. My hands shivered as I took a pillow off the couch and clutched it to my chest, trying to stave off the nervous tension that raced through me. And suddenly, I remembered what else I wanted to say. Steeling myself, I let it out. "And… I don't want to change my name, either."
Slowly he turned to me. "What?"
I hugged the pillow closer and stared at him. "I'm keeping my name. I was always going to."
He looked upward, blinking as if to clear his head. "Gabi, are you serious?"
I felt slightly indignant. "Of course I'm serious."
"But we're going to be a family." He crossed his arms. "It just… makes sense."
Suddenly I resented him for trying to make me feel like I was just being difficult. "Being a family doesn't mean I'm the only one who's going to make any sacrifices," I said. "I don't see you changing your name. Mine's important to me. It's tied to all my professional work… and I'm the only kid my mom has. I'm not giving it up that easily."
"Oh, you're just…"
He stopped again, but this time I couldn't let it slide. "I'm what?"
Angrily, he turned to face me. "You're just doing this to piss me off. I know you. So quit this stupid crap and snap out of it."
I felt my mouth drop open and I gaped at him, speechless. Then shaking, I got to my feet, threw the pillow back on the couch, and finally found my voice.
"You can go to hell if you think I'm doing this just for kicks," I said, furious. "And if you really knew me, you would know I wouldn't bring any of this up unless I meant it. Getting married doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to be your property, some housewife who follows you around like a lapdog, fighting with you just to get attention. And if that's what you want…"
This time, I cut myself off. I had been ready to say, maybe we shouldn't be getting married. But looking at Troy, I knew he had already heard that part, even though I hadn't said it out loud.
His face turned stony, and he stared ahead at the table, silent and cold. And I stared at him for a second, feeling as though I was seeing him for the first time, before I turned and walked away.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Note: Hey, if you've got time, send me a review! I'd love to hear what you think of the story so far!
