Book the Third of the Alliance Trilogy: Holy Matrimony?

Chapter One: R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Two Weeks Later

The day of Link and Zelda's wedding dawned bright and balmy. The whole kingdom of Hyrule was rejoicing. (The prospect of free food all day put everyone in good spirits. The cook was so glad that Zelda really would be getting married this time that he had gone into overdrive in the cooking area.)

Yes, it would be a memorable day in Hylian history.

Only no one knew how memorable it would be.

First, let us take a look at Princess Zelda, the blushing bride. She was blushing, all right, but it was far from being a happy blush. She was still angry about Link's lack of commitment in the last wedding attempt, and was taking out her worries on her poor ladies-in-waiting, who were trying to put on her veil and apply her makeup. Needless to say, it wasn't going well.

Then, we have the groom – Link, the Hero of Time. He was feeling very casual about all this. When interviewers from the kingdom's official newspaper, The Hylian Times, had asked him how he felt about getting married, he'd merely shrugged and said, "Hey, I beat Ganondorf, right? There's no way marriage will be harder than that." He was in for a rude wake-up call, to say the least.

King Daphnes was quite cheerful about all this. His darling baby girl was finally marrying Link, just as he'd always wanted. That's what princesses did, and there was no way he wanted her left out. He was hoping, however, that no mishaps would occur to mess up his plans. Fat chance, in a place like Hyrule.

The Hylian priests were busy setting up the ceremony. It was mandatory to have a representation of each of the goddesses at any special ceremony, so they had a tree to symbolize Farore, a candle to symbolize Din, and a cup of water to symbolize Nayru. It had always been a tree for Farore, but it used to be a small bonfire for Din and a fountain for Nayru. After costs became too high, the goddesses were downgraded to smaller symbols. The priests felt no remorse, for they felt they were still representing the goddesses, and that was all that mattered.

Besides, it fit the budget, right?

Lute and Cassandra had made it two days previous, and were now sitting in two of the chairs that the priests had set up for the wedding guests in the Temple of Time. Everyone was waiting expectantly for the ceremony to start.

Everyone, including the goddesses.

"Do you believe those little punks!" demanded Farore, staring down in wide-eyed anger at the Hylians from where she was perched on a cloud. "You've only got a candle now, Din!"

Din sighed and leaned back on her own cloud. "Oh, well."

"What can we do?" asked Nayru, running a hand through her long, azure hair.

"What can we do?" screeched Farore incredulously. "What can we do? We're goddesses, for crying out loud! What can't we do?"

"I suppose you have a point," Din agreed, sitting up.

"Hush," said Nayru. "It's starting."

They watched as the head priest stood in front of the Door of Time, with Link and Zelda before him.

"We are gathered here today," began the priest in a loud, stately voice, "to join in eternal love and harmony the lovely Princess Zelda and the courageous hero Link. In the name of Din, the powerful goddess, Nayru, the wise goddess, and Farore, the tree-hugger goddess, let this marriage ceremony begin."

"Tree-hugger! Tree-hugger!" Farore was furious. Contrary to popular belief, Farore was the bad-tempered one, not Din. "That's it!" She pointed a finger at the tree that was her symbol. There was a loud cracking noise as the tree was struck by lightning and burst into flames.

"Oh, no!" cried the head priest. "The holy tree is burning! Put it out! PUT IT OUT!"

One of the priests-in-training grabbed the closest wet thing to him, which just happened to be the cup of water symbolizing Nayru.

"Okay, let's lay a plague on them," Nayru said, her eyes narrowed.

There was a burst of light as the goddesses appeared in the middle of the Temple of Time.

All the Hylians (and all of the people who weren't Hylians, like Lute) froze in a sudden bout of shock and terror.

"Foolish mortals!" roared Farore in a frightening monotone that she had been practicing just for an occasion like this. "You have insulted the Great Ones with your petty representations of our greatness!"

"Yeah!" supplied Nayru.

"Yeah, whatever," muttered Din.

Farore kicked her discreetly in the knee. Din jumped in pain, but the terrified mortals only screamed.

"Because of your terrible transgressions, you shall all be punished!" shouted Nayru.

The head priest stepped forward, shaking. "O goddesses, we did not mean any harm. Please, forgive us! We were low on funds and had to cut the budget rates!"

"Let me think about it," Farore said, cocking her head to the side, gazing at the still-burning tree. "Okay, thinking's done. Nope. We're still going to punish you."

The mortals starting screaming again.

"Wait a minute!" cried the priest. "What are you going to do?"

"Ah, lay a few famines here and there, maybe a plague of monsters…perhaps some forest fires."

Din perked up at this. "Forest fires?" she echoed.

"Oh, yes, lots of forest fires," Farore assured her.

Din clapped happily.

"Okay, then, people. We'll be off now. Have a nice day!" Nayru said.

There was another flash of light, and the goddesses were gone.

"How many times does one girl need to try to get to married?" demanded Zelda after a few moments of stunned silence. "Nothing ever goes right for me! I'm leaving!" Dress trailing, sobs wracking her frame, Zelda ran from the Temple.

"Not again," murmured Cassandra.

"No," Lute told her. "We're going home. This is they're problem, and it will stay their problem."

"Thank goodness for that."