. Bad Apple! .
"Ever on and on, I continue circling
With nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony...
…
And slowly I see that I can't break free. I'm
Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity
With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony
To tell me who I am, who I was.
~x~
Maybe it's a dream, maybe nothing else is real,
But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel.
So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside...
…
Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night?
…
Am I hurting? Am I sad?
…
I've forgotten how to tell.
Did I ever even know?
Can I take another step? I've done everything I can."
~ "Bad Apple!" by Vocaloid
Lucy was rather happy when three days later, she and Natsu had a rather pleasant dinner out at one of Magnolia's nicer restaurants. Despite his initial hesitance and intentions to continue to dance around, Natsu had ended up fully content with the idea of the date. He'd even donned some nicer jeans a button up shirt Lucy hadn't thought he'd owned and insisted that they split the bill at the end of the night.
He'd even shyly complimented her appearance, despite the fact that she knew she'd looked terrible with her pale face and shadowed eyes. He'd done his best to come around again before their date, but Wendy had gotten the flu and Gajeel had needed him home to help him with her.
After the date, Lucy had enthusiastically informed Levy over a phonecall that he'd quietly demanded a second when it was over, looking saddened by the fact that they had to go home for the night. Levy had quietly congratulated her, and had held something in her voice that worried Lucy, although she'd not questioned it.
Similarly, when Wendy had slyly gone after her cousin to demand answers, he'd told her to mind her own business before admitting he'd really enjoyed it and looked forward to the next one.
Now, just a handful of days after their date, Natsu was bouncing around her bakery with a worried look on his face. Sting was stretched out in a seat beside Wendy, who was still recovering somewhat from the flu. Natsu was torn; half of his attention was on the door, just waiting for the final member of his newly formed family to make an appearance, while the other half was on Lucy.
Something was wrong. He'd known from the moment he'd come in that morning. She'd been sluggish, exhausted more so than she'd ever been. He'd been unable to stay the night at her place the night before, as the flu had moved onto Gajeel and Wendy had been too worried to deal with a cranky, sick Gajeel on her own.
He knew it wasn't just his imagination, too, because Mirajane and Yukino, who were both working that morning, were glancing at her every now and then. Gray, who'd come to visit with Lucy one last time before he and his brother headed back out to the mountains, was watching, too, as he waited for her to finish doing inventory so they could sit together.
The jingling of that damn bell dragged Natsu's attention away from her and he rushed to plant himself firmly on Wendy's right, earning an amused look from his cousin. A dark-haired man he'd only seen images of had appeared, looking wary as he swept into the bakery. Natsu blinked at the sight of him, feeling the same tug of recognition that had come with so many other people.
He was a quiet person, Natsu thought immediately, with a pair of sharp crimson eyes that held an intelligence that reminded Natsu of Lucy. There was a rather nasty scar that crossed over the bridge of his nose, and he could have been a shadow with how smoothly he slid into the bakery through the front door. When Natsu lifted his hand in greeting, signaling that it was them he was there to meet, he glanced over at Wendy and Sting - and paused.
Sting was staring wide-eyed at Rogue, his mouth open. As if something had clicked. But it wasn't like when Gray had met Erza in the very same seat. It was more like meeting with Lucy, when he'd looked at the odd blonde behind the counter and realized that she was important in so many ways despite the fact that he knew nothing about her. As if he'd known her his whole life.
Rogue's gaze latched onto them, and a smile quirked across his mouth as he approached. "Natsu, Wendy, and Sting, I presume," he murmured, and Sting only frowned as he stared at their newfound cousin. Wendy, on the other hand, bounced to her feet and beamed at him, offering her hand to shake.
"It's nice to meet you, Rogue," she said with such honesty that he smiled warmly at her, though the smile wasn't very big. Natsu, as he offered his own hand, which Rogue took, thought that he was a very quiet person, much more like Grandeeney had been.
"Likewise," said Rogue, pulling back and seating himself across from Sting. Sting had finally closed his mouth, but said nothing. Only stared and stared, unable to tear his gaze away. Rogue seemed to notice and found it funny.
Sure that things would go well - Rogue seemed to fit in entirely despite his nature - Natsu spared a look in Lucy's direction to check on her. She was quietly adding fresh pastries to the display case, and as if feeling his eyes on her, glanced up. Lucy offered him a grin, although the usual warmth she showed him seemed faded today. He forced himself to smile back, and she indicated some of the pastries, arching a brow.
He nodded curtly. Yes. He most certainly did want some of those sweet treats.
He turned his attention back onto his cousins, who were chatting peacefully about where they'd all lived in recent years. Rogue, as it turned out, had flown in from Caellum to the south, but had started expressing just before they'd phoned in moving to Crocus, Fiore. Sting immediately grinned, playfully encouraging the move so that they'd be able to see him easier.
The conversation had just turned onto other matters - Gajeel, actually, who'd chosen not to come in favor of going to class - when Lucy suddenly came over, carrying a platter full of sweets and drinks. "Hi, Lucy!" Wendy said, eyes gulping down the sight of what she carried.
Lucy smiled warmly at her as she nudged Sting's laptop aside. "Hi, Wendy, hi, Sting." She set the platter down and handed Wendy and Sting their drinks before offering Natsu his. He eyed the variety of food she'd brought. Muffins, cookies, cupcakes, small cakes, pastries, brownies, and everything in between. She flashed him a wink before turning to Rogue with a friendly look. "Hi. Rogue Cheney, right? I've heard a lot about you. I'm a friend of theirs: Lucy."
He studied her with interest that made Natsu's stomach twist with what he recognized to be jealousy after a few moments. He didn't like it. "Pleased to meet you," he said in response before curiously sliding his gaze past her and to Yukino, who'd suddenly given a distressed call of Lucy's name from where she hovered in the doorway that led to the back kitchens.
Natsu didn't miss the flicker of pleased surprise that crossed his face. Natsu narrowed his eyes at him, taking him in with a whole new light. Something was different here. But Rogue turned back to them, clearly feeling otherwise.
Lucy shouted that she'd be with Gray momentarily and went to help Yukino with whatever had happened. Natsu was fairly certain he could smell smoke in the air. Reluctantly, still worried - especially because he'd not missed how she'd tripped over her own feet as she'd started back for the kitchens - Natsu turned back to the others. Sting was watching Lucy, too, he realized, with a worried look. As if he knew something Natsu didn't.
Natsu really didn't like that, considering that he was sure Sting had probably gone over when he couldn't the night before.
He found it really hard to focus his attention on everything after that. He wanted to check in with Lucy, make sure she was okay, but...Rogue. He and Wendy had craved the large family that was slowly beginning to form around them from the moment their parents had died. He was excited to see that happening once again.
So, he reluctantly made the decision to hunt down Lucy and make her talk when Rogue left. He kept half of his attention on her and the other half on his company, especially when Lucy trailed over to finally sit with Gray, a cup of coffee in her hand. He watched them out of the corner of his eye when Gray suddenly leaned in to speak quietly to her and she waved him off, shaking her head with a tired, grim smile. Gray didn't smile back; instead, he frowned and muttered something, shaking his head.
"Sorry, Rogue," Sting said suddenly, snatching his attention away from Lucy. "Lucy's his girlfriend - he can't help it."
Natsu turned a narrow-eyed glare on him, and Sting merely grinned back at him. Wendy's lips twitched as if she was fighting a smile. Natsu rolled his eyes at both of them and said sharply, "Lucy's not feeling well. I'm just making sure she's okay."
Sting grimaced, losing the teasing look. "You need to figure out how to stop those nightmares of hers. She wouldn't wake up when I went in last night, Natsu." Natsu stared at him, not prepared to hear such a thing. "I had to physically break through the door and shake her awake. And when I sat with her for a while, she couldn't sit still. She said it hurt, no matter what she did, so she might as well just go around and pack her things. She's...really not doing all that well."
Wendy's eyes darted between them. "She has nightmares?"
"Bad ones," muttered Natsu, running a hand through his pink hair. "And thanks, Sting. For helping her."
Sting shrugged. "You had other things last night, she said."
"Gajeel's ill," explained Natsu before glancing to Rogue when Rogue quietly cleared his throat, looking thoughtful.
"Be careful in what you do to try and stop the nightmares, if you do try," he said. "People have dreams for a reason. Perhaps the nightmares are trying to tell her something and she's not listening, so they get worse." His red eyes darted briefly to the blonde, who was grinning at something Gray had said. "I had dreams for a few years that sound similar to the ones she has. If you listen to them...if you pay attention, they back off."
Sting gave him an odd look, but Natsu considered that, thinking. He studied Rogue in a new light. "You have dreams, too?"
"Natsu has them," supplied Wendy in explanation when Rogue blinked.
Rogue looked to Natsu for confirmation. Natsu gave a curt nod. Normally, he didn't like admitting such matters, but there was something about Rogue that soothed away those worries. He wouldn't be judged. If anything, Rogue seemed like the kind of person who would help him work through those odd dreams he had most nights.
After debating Natsu for a few moments, Rogue leaned back in his chair and said, "Do you listen to them?"
Natsu shrugged. "I don't know. I just...go with it, I guess."
"Pay attention. To details next time." Rogue tilted his head, gaze flickering to Lucy again. He jerked his chin in her direction. "Tell her to as well. You'd be surprised how useful such dreams can be if you pay attention to them. You might learn things you didn't think would be useful."
Natsu nodded in silent thought, fascinated. He'd never thought about that. Making a mental note to pay attention the next time he had a dream, Natsu settled down to keep an eye on Lucy while simultaneously holding a conversation with his cousins.
Natsu tried to forget the roiling in his stomach as he staggered into Lucy's apartment, which had been littered with boxes. She'd just recently found a new place to live - a small house that was actually close to where Levy lived, apparently - and was clearly in the midst of packing. It was part of the reason he was there so early in the day after dropping Wendy at home; she'd asked for some help with some heavier things.
And he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to leave her alone after watching her stumble around the bakery. She'd nearly tripped over her own feet at one point and dropped a large platter of plates that had been left to be cleaned up. Gray had seen it as he was leaving and frowned, waiting until she'd caught herself to leave.
"You should take a nap," Natsu told her as he prodded her gently in the ribs. She squeaked and yanked away from the touch, surprised, and he grinned. "You're gonna fall and pass out, Luce."
Lucy waved him off, putting her hands on her hips and staring around. "I'm fine-"
"Don't lie," he said with surprising sharpness. She glanced at him, arching a brow, and he winced. Softening his tone, Natsu said firmly, "Sting told me what happened last night, Luce. You need to take a nap at least." What she really needed was a month's worth of sleep, but he didn't dare say so. She got cranky when he brought up too much on sleep now a days.
He paused when she scoffed and turned away, waving him off. He stopped and really looked at her, taking in all of the differences outside of the obvious ones, and he became even more concerned when he did. Her clothes hung off her a bit, as if she'd lost some weight, and she seemed to shake a bit when she went straight to work, moving a box that shouldn't have been that heavy. Her normally soft skin looked a bit patchy and raw in some places, as if she'd been picking, and her hair was a little tangled and messy, as if she'd not had the time to shower in recent times.
Frowning, he snatched the box from her and dumped it aside, grabbing her wrists to stop her from moving away. "Lucy. You have to sleep."
She sent him a nasty little look. Undoubtedly, she thought she could scare him off now. He remembered the last time she'd tried this, and he knew it would work even less, because he knew what she was up to. "Sting said they were hurting you, Luce, that's not...you can't live like this."
She shook her head, but he ignored it and prodded her again in the ribs, earning a scowl for his efforts. "C'mon. Please? At least tell me about the nightmares, if you won't sleep. It'll help."
Lucy's lips trembled a little, and Natsu took advantage of her weakening stubbornness to gently tug her over to the sofa. He checked to make sure the door was shut before lightly poking her. She was tired enough that she just went with the motion and flopped down, scrubbing tiredly at her eyes. Natsu made sure she was set before sinking down beside her, comfortably making himself at home and stretching his legs out, playfully bumping her knee with his to try and make her feel better. It didn't do much, from the look on her face.
Natsu gave her a few seconds to think before he prompted quietly, "Luce?"
She took a deep breath and then fidgeted with her hands, her dark eyes lowering to watch her fingers. "It's not really changed, since I first told you about it, Natsu. Nothing's changed. It just gets...more detailed, inches a bit forward, I suppose, if I'm not lucky." Natsu frowned a little, but kept quiet when she continued. "I'm screaming. Because he's gone, and I can't bring him back, even though I want to try. I'm being dragged back. And then…" She took a shuddering breath. "And then there's this massive shadow, and I'm being pulled back, and then this massive shape swoops down. The next thing I know, there's this pain...I can't tell you what it is." She suddenly looked ot him, desperate. Tears shimmered in her eyes. "And then I feel like I'm being crushed between two things, and when I wake up, the pain doesn't go away."
Natsu frowned, not happy whatsoever to hear such a thing. He wasn't sure what to say about it either; what did you tell someone whose dreams caused them physical pain? He thought back to what Rogue had said and rocked forward a bit so he could peer gently into her face. "When I was talkin' to Rogue earlier, Sting brought up the dream stuff and Rogue said that he had them, too."
"He does?" Lucy said, confused and startled, and Natsu grinned at her response.
"I don't think he does anymore," confessed Natsu, remembering how Rogue had spoken in the past tense. "The way he talked, it looks like he doesn't get dreams anymore. But he was going on about how we should listen to 'em. Something about the dreams having messages, or whatever."
Lucy gave a bitter laugh and rested her head back, looking at the ceiling. "What message would my dreams have, Natsu? 'Don't get crushed?'"
Natsu shrugged, a little unused to the lack of positivity she was displaying. The lack of sleep was really getting to her. Natsu gently bumped her knee with his again and told her, "You should take a nap, Luce. I'll sit with you until you're ready to get up."
Lucy sleepily hummed, already half-asleep as mumbled, "I'm sorry. We used to have fun conversations. Now all I can do is sleep when you're around."
"I don't mind," he said honestly. And he didn't. Any time he spent with Lucy was fun in his opinion, even if it was with her curled up beside him while he watched TV or something. He grinned at her. "S'fun, so long as you're around."
She gave him a faint smile in return and within seconds, he could hear her soft, even breathing. He glanced over and found her looking rather uncomfortable, but soundly asleep, her head slung back. Rolling his eyes, Natsu reached over and carefully moved her head until she looked as if she wouldn't snap her neck, not wanting her to have wrenched muscles when she finally woke up.
Confident that she was comfortably asleep, Natsu reached for the remote and settled further into the sofa, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye with a grin. He liked hanging with Lucy - even if she was asleep and he was awake, the silence just as fun as the laughter.
Everything was wrong, ruined, broken, gone. She knelt alone in the street, sobbing and crying and screaming until she made herself sick. She screamed and screamed, as if it would do her any good, as if it would bring back the person she loved most.
A voice filled her ear. Comforting, though streaked with fear. Arms circled her, trying to pull her back, but she couldn't bring herself to get up, couldn't bring herself to stop screaming that single name.
Screamed, and screamed, and screamed.
Gone. He was gone. She'd tried so hard, but he was gone. As if he'd never existed. The one she loved more than anyone else was gone, dead, never existed. She'd seen his smiling face as he'd stumbled towards her, arms open, smelling of smoke and familiarity and full of an internal warmth that comforted her when nothing else could. And now…
Gone.
So she screamed.
Those arms around her suddenly tightened, lifting. One arm wrapped tighter around her arms, the other beneath her knees as a shadow fell over them, blocking out the sun. A cry filled their ears, so loud that she thought her eardrums would burst. She buried her face in her companion's shoulder, sobbing, and he gasped something in her ear as that massive shape slammed so hard into the ground that buildings broke and fell. They nearly fell, too.
She tried to tell him to leave her, that she didn't want to go without him, but her companion refused her pleas and instead bolted down the ruined street. It did nothing.
Not when that massive creature inhaled and then allowed something wild and dark to blast from its throat. They were thrown by the force, and she was briefly disoriented, pain shooting through her left arm when she pushed herself up. She blinked dumbly at the shards of bone she thought she could see.
And then it was there. She screamed at the blood and flesh already in its teeth as it parted those deadly jaws. Her companion shouted her name, something cold and hard splintering against the creature's face, but it merely shook it off with a dark laugh and dropped its jaws to fire that same lethal blast point-blank at him.
She shrieked a name when he was hit, going down in a mess of blood and darkness.
Sobbing, she couldn't do a thing to stop that creature when it toyed with her. When it laughed and shoved her with its nose while simultaneously dragging a talon into place to pin her there. And then her body was being crushed between its teeth, and she felt those sharp, jagged fangs shredding and tearing, and she screamed and screamed and screamed-
"Lucy!"
The cry of her name startled her awake and she realized she was screaming as she woke. She slammed her mouth shut so hard and fast she bit her tongue. Body wracked with shudders, she shoved free of the sofa and the hands gently trying to shake her awake. She barely noticed when she hit the ground, too busy trying to shake free of the pain that had gripped her skin. She shoved a hand beneath her shirt, seeking the unsplit skin of her sides, feeling and smelling nothing amiss.
Natsu, standing over her with a worried look, tried to pull her upright, opening his mouth, but she was stumbling away, retching. He decided that backing off would be the better of the options - for now. He trailed anxiously behind her when she slammed to her knees over the toilet in the bathroom, silently waiting outside where she couldn't see. He waited until she was done vomiting to duck into the kitchen to grab her some water to rinse her mouth out.
By the time he'd come back, she was curled into a ball on the floor. He hesitated to touch her again, but touched her shoulder nonetheless. It hurt him, the way she recoiled as far as she could. But he pushed that hurt away and offered the glass when she peered at him through tear-crusted eyes, her face pale and haunted with misery. "Here," he said quietly.
"Thanks," she said hoarsely after she'd worked out what he meant, what he'd done. Shaking, she rose to her knees and took the water, chugging what was left of it after rinsing out her mouth.
Natsu remained where he was, crouched beside her but not touching her. His onyx eyes were wide and dark with worry and fear for his friend. He wanted to make her feel better, wanted to do something to take her dreams away, but…
He was helpless.
He felt worse about the matter when a sob wracked her body as she set the glass aside. "I can't do this," she suddenly breathed, her breathing ragged and pained. "I can't do this anymore." She buried her face in her hands, doubling over her knees, and gave another sob.
Natsu swallowed thickly, unsure of what to do, but decided to try something that had always made him feel better back when Igneel had found him crying from nightmares. Ignoring the way she tried to desperately shake free of his touch, Natsu scooped her up and simply tucked her into his folded legs, nestling her securely in his lap. "Natsu," she tried to protest, but he simply wrapped his arms around her tightly and rested his chin on her head, wishing he could have replicated the odd way Igneel had seemed to radiate warmth with every breath he took.
She fit perfectly like this. Natsu hated that he liked it. Maybe they'd only had one date, had only just recently decided to let that odd bond between the form into something past friendship, but he didn't care - even if he had been the one to be so reluctant. Lucy was suffering, and he'd do his damn hardest to fix it.
After a few moments, Lucy took a shaking breath and relaxed, burying her face in his shoulder. He smiled faintly and shifted his grip just barely. Something was tugging again in the back of his mind, twisting and thrashing, but he ignored it. Not now.
"Same as last time?" he rasped when she'd calmed down, and Lucy nodded silently. He noted that, settling back against the bathroom cabinet. "Any worse?"
"Yes," she whispered, and he felt a twist of pain at the hopelessness in her voice.
He didn't bother to ask if she'd tried what Rogue had suggested; what the hell kind of message could a dream that left her in pain like that be trying to point out? He made a mental note to address the matter when he saw Rogue again, which would be when he and Wendy dragged him around Magnolia.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, "that I can't do anything to stop them. I'd stop it if I could."
Lucy took a deep breath. "Thank you, Natsu," she said quietly. "I know you would."
Natsu glanced down at her without moving, seeing only mussed strands of blonde hair when he did with his chin still tucked over the crown of her head. He returned his gaze to the bathroom wall and settled down, perfectly willing to sit there as long as she wanted.
A shorter chapter, but I think I'll make up for it with the next one or two! ;)
I didn't know who to put with the song. So I just labeled it as a vocaloid song. Seemed pretty okay.
Thanks to reviewers (stranger1999, Lodemai04, PinkFireandGoldenStars, LePengwen, nkukurichan, WhatAnimeHasTaughtMe, Meow Orbit, Guest #1, Bananarock509, and NaluNom!) as well as those who favorited and followed!
