. Organs .


"And I should eat you up and spit you right out

I should not care, but I don't know how.

"I am sorry for the trouble, I suppose.

My blood runs red, but my body feels so cold.

So I take off my face

Because it reminds me of how it all went wrong,

And I pull out my tongue

Because it reminds me of how it all went wrong.

~x~

And I cough up my lungs,

Because they remind me of how it all went wrong,

But I leave in my heart,

Because I don't want to stay in the dark."

~ "Organs" by Of Monsters and Men


The first thing he noticed was, naturally, the pain. It was a dull fire, right smack in the middle of his left side. He wanted to laugh at its placement; he'd once carried a scar there, and it appeared he was destined to always have it. It hurt, that injury, but not bad enough to drag him back into unconsciousness.

He'd never been one for lazing about, regardless of injury.

So, Natsu Dragneel pried his eyes open and blinked at the near blinding lights. There was a painfully annoying tube in his nose, taped in place, and a tug on his flesh that told him an IV was stuck into his arm. He grimaced at that, but didn't dare tug it out. He didn't try to move, knowing that he'd only make his wound hurt worse, but he did turn his head, peering around the room.

A hospital room. He was in a hospital room, though he couldn't for the life of him figure out why. That dull fire was the reason, yes, but he couldn't remember why he had that pain. He squinted at a clock, already tired. By the lighting in the window and the time there, it was early morning. Seven or so. He didn't care about the details.

He noted a figure dozing in an uncomfortable chair nearby and squinted sleepily at them. He gave up figuring out who it was after a moment, eyes sliding shut. He was too tired, and the injury was only starting to hurt more and more.

He'd figure it out later.


When he came to again, he felt a little more awake. It was later in the day – the afternoon or so, he thought – and there was someone fidgeting with some wires nearby. He blinked at them, wary, and then rolled his eyes over, eyes fluttering sleepily when someone spoke.

"Were there any changes?"

"Mm," hummed a young woman's voice. "There was a weird moment with his heart rate earlier, but that might have been a glitch in the machines. I'll have someone come and take a look. There's no sign of an infection though, so there's that." She seemed cheerful. Too cheerful. And rather familiar, he couldn't help but think. He'd heard that voice somewhere before – the other one, too.

The first person sighed. "Thanks."

"Of course!" The second laughed softly and added, "It's almost four, right? You'll be able to go home soon. Make sure you get some real sleep. Not just in that chair. You won't do him or yourself any good if you don't get any sleep yourself." She paused, and then asked, "Did they identify the woman who did it?"

"Dimeria Yesta," said the first. "Yukino said that she was claiming some odd things when she attacked them…she's been arrested and charged with attempted murder, so I doubt she'll be doing much now."

Dimeria. His blood ran cold. He didn't like that name – didn't like that name one bit. It was accompanied by memories of gold splashed with crimson, bloodied eyes, and a loss so immense he didn't think he'd ever felt something like that again.

And then he was tired again, oh so tired. He tried to push his eyes open again, but they wouldn't work, and Natsu gratefully sank back into the darkness.


When he awoke a third time, Natsu found that he felt immensely more awake than the other times. He blinked his eyes open immediately. That dull fire remained, but was a little more muted than the other times. Relieved, he instinctively searched the room, wondering who was there this time.

Three figures, all standing at the back of the room near the door. He recognized two immediately, felt something in his chest twist as conflicting thoughts crossed his mind upon seeing them. One clutched at the other's arm, looking anxious. The third he recognized, too, but not from this life. He'd never seen her before in this weird world he'd woken up in.

And then Wendy looked back, and her eyes lit with startled delight. "Natsu!" she shrieked, making their oldest cousin and the woman beside them jump. Gajeel immediately cranked his head back to look, blinking, and the woman shoved past him to come over.

Natsu eyed her suspiciously when she stood over him, immediately doing checks. "Ow," he grumbled when she prodded carefully at the spot in which that odd dull fire resided. "Watch it."

Cold eyes leveled him with a nasty look as the woman said, "Don't tell me to 'watch it,' boy. You're quite lucky that the situation you got yourself into didn't go any worse than it did." Despite the harsh words, Natsu detected a glint in her eyes that spoke volumes, and his stomach twisted with confusion.

She turned to Gajeel and Wendy, who were both waiting where they'd been although Wendy was squirming and bouncing on the balls of his feet. "I need to do some tests and checks, but I'll give you some time before I do. Need to set them up anyways." She brushed past them without waiting to hear their response.

Natsu sighed softly when she was gone.

Porlyusica had never been his favorite person, nor had she ever been all that fond of him.

In a flash, Wendy was at the bed, her dark eyes wide and shimmering with tears. "Natsu!" she cried, and he forced himself to crack a small grin just for her. Even as he felt sick just looking at her, confused by how she was standing there in front of him. He didn't know where she'd gone, he realized. When things had gone all wrong. He had no idea where Wendy had been. Hargeon, maybe? He didn't know.

"Hey, Wendy," he rasped. She latched onto his hand, and he let her squeeze it with reluctance before glancing tiredly in Gajeel's direction. Gajeel was watching him warily from just behind Wendy – studying him in a way that made Natsu uncomfortable. Finally, he grunted, relaxing.

"I'm gonna kick your ass when you get out of that bed," Gajeel gritted out. "You know what it's like gettin' a text from your phone like that?"

Natsu wondered briefly what Yukino had sent, but pushed back such thoughts. They reminded him of her, and he didn't want to think of that. Not when the last thing he remembered was her being dragged off by the hair, Dimeria threatening to carve her eyes out. He felt sick at the mere thought. He couldn't – not when those new memories lingered and mixed in with her retreating figure beside Gray, the last he'd seen of her before–

"S'not like I asked for it this time," muttered Natsu, resting his head back comfortably. He took as deep a breath as he could manage, a twinge of pain shooting through him. "Sorry though." His throat was thick when he added, "I didn't go in meaning to scare everyone."

He remembered Gajeel's threat. If he made Wendy cry again, he'd be booted to the curb.

Luckily, it looked as if he wasn't going to be blamed this time. Gajeel merely grumbled and Wendy smiled through her tears at him, simply relieved to see that he was alive and looking as if he'd make a full recovery for the time being.

Natsu knew that he could have asked.

But that lovely shade of gold splashed with crimson filled his thoughts, and he drove them away, keeping his mouth firmly shut.


A week passed, full of sleep and visitors and tests. The hospital staff was friendly enough, although Natsu couldn't say he really cared much for them. Mostly because they made him lay there doing noting for the most part. A few people came in and out to visit – primarily his four cousins, although Natsu had been surprised with a visit from a very grateful Yukino as well as a visit from none other than Gray Fullbuster.

That visit had been awkward as hell, mostly because Natsu had been so disoriented from sleep and pain medications and memories, that he'd nearly given his confused state of mind away to the quite, grim-faced man. Gray had said that he'd merely wanted to gather Natsu's state of well-being for her sake, although Natsu had blocked out anything else he'd said about her.

To put it simply, Natsu had hated all of their visits, wanting them to leave as soon as they arrived.

When he was eventually released, Natsu still hadn't heard nor seen from her, and he didn't know if it was a good or bad thing. He knew he could have called. Could have simply asked rather than turning away any time someone brought her up.

But he remembered her piercing screams as that odd darkness closed in and washed him away, remembered her panicked eyes as Dimeria dragged her away from him.

He couldn't separate which was the past, which was the present, and which one to believe regardless.

He didn't think he'd be able to handle it if it was confirmed that his suspicions were true and that she was gone in both worlds. His exhausted, confused state was certainly not helped along by the lack of fire in his veins. He couldn't draw on that heat that had supported him for so long, and it drove him into such an agitated state on some days that Wendy had begun to avoid him at the first sign he was upset.

It was only three days after he'd been released from the hospital, in which he was seated at the dining room table in his shared house, that a grunt signaled the arrival of Gajeel. He glanced over, hand still curled around his mug – and blinked when he realized what Gajeel carried. "What are you doing?" Natsu snapped, immediately scrambling to his feet. He hissed in pain, but shoved it back. "What are you doing?"

Gajeel dropped the box he'd brought down from the attic onto the table. "We need to clean out," he said bluntly, "and you need to deal with this stuff. You've got nothing else to do since you can't run around, and you refuse to have anything to do with Lucy–"

Natsu cut him off. "Don't touch Igneel's stuff," he barked. A rage not unlike the one he'd felt when he'd heard her cries of pain filled him and he found himself staggering over to Gajeel, limbs stiff. His rage guttered, flooding every inch of him, and he did his best to give Gajeel an angry shove. "Do not touch his things. This is his house. Don't…don't screw with his stuff, Gajeel."

Gajeel blinked, seeming a little caught off guard by the sudden rage. Natsu very rarely reacted so violently, so angrily, to anything. He frowned a little at him, a flicker of anger appearing in turn. "You're not the only one who has to deal with their dead parent's stuff, Natsu. Wendy and I are doing it, too."

"I don't care," snarled Natsu, "what you guys are doing. Touch Igneel's stuff, and I'll find anything left of Metalicana's and burn it."

Gajeel bristled, furious with the suggestion, but simply turned and stormed off instead of retaliating. Natsu eyed him angrily as he left, knowing that had he not been injured, he'd have likely been punched for the threat.

Still shaking with anger and unable to truly explain it to Gajeel, Natsu turned his attention on the unopened box left behind on the table. Gajeel wouldn't get it, Natsu thought bitterly, hesitantly approaching that box. How could he understand what it was like to find yourself stuck between two lives, unsure of what was real and what wasn't?

Natsu grumbled to himself, stuck as he stared at the stupid box. He could leave it, not touch it, until it gathered dust on that table. He could probably rip open his wound carrying it back to the attic.

Or…he could open it, shuffle through its insides like Gajeel had demanded he do.

He hesitantly brushed his fingers over the familiar handwriting on the side, taking a shuddering breath. Igneel's handwriting…but Igneel was dead, twice over. Natsu felt tears flood his eyes, burning beneath his eyelids. Igneel would have known what to do, he realized, slowly drawing out a chair to sit back down. Igneel would have known what to think, would have taken him seriously and tried to understand if he explained to him what had happened, if he'd told him that Natsu found himself stuck between two different lives.

But Igneel was dead, and Natsu felt so alone, stuck without even that familiar scarf as a reminder of the one who'd left him like that.

No one else could possibly understand, and if he tried to explain to Gajeel, or to Wendy, they'd judge him, laugh his thoughts off. Well, Wendy wouldn't, but she'd not believe him.

Natsu swallowed thickly, toying with one of the four pieces that were carefully folded in, shutting the box's contents away. He didn't want to open it, to accept what had been real for so long. He didn't want that reminder, that he'd never get to see Igneel and appreciate that time while it lasted.

A second chance. He'd had a second chance, and he'd not appreciated it as much as he should have.

And to make matters worse, the one person he trusted to not judge him was gone, too. Had to be. She couldn't have survived, not with the screams that filled his dreams and every waking thought. Not with the blood-stained gold. He'd not appreciated her enough either. He'd taken everything for granted.

Remembering how careless he'd been, how unappreciative he'd felt when he'd avoided her for so long…he nearly just took the box and threw it angrily to the floor. This. This was why he'd been so hesitant to offer or accept that stupid date. He wasn't good enough, and he'd effectively proved that by not being there when he should have been. To top it all off, she was a copy. Nothing but a vivid copy of the real one.

But Natsu steadied himself, forced himself to stare at that box even as each breath came and left in ragged gasps.

He couldn't bring himself to open it, but he didn't dare leave it alone at that table lest it disappear into thin air. So, he slowly dragged it closer, rested his chin on that box, and closed his eyes, nearly hugging it.

Natsu thought he could detect just a fraction of the warmth Igneel had exuded when he'd pulled his son in for hugs, laughing, and felt his heart break a little more.


Natsu must have fallen asleep at the table, arms still around that box, because the next thing he knew, a gentle hand was shaking him awake. Natsu blinked blearily a few times, wincing at the crick in his neck as he turned to look. Wendy was peering at him anxiously, worried. Her dark eyes searched his for a moment before she said softly, "Natsu?"

"I'm fine," he muttered instinctively, slowly leaning back in his chair. He winced; he'd missed the time in which he was supposed to take the pain medications. He could feel it the second he moved. "Just…thinking. What's up?"

Wendy, ever so observant, said, "I'll go get your medication."

She disappeared into the kitchen, returning only minutes later with a few pills and some water. She set them down beside his box and then faltered, studying Igneel's handwriting on the side. Rather than saying anything about it, she met Natsu's gaze, took a deep breath, and said, "Lucy's here."

Natsu jolted and then swore loudly when a sharp lick of agony ripped up his spine. Pressing a hand over his side, ignoring Wendy's wide-eyed worry and grimace, he took a deep breath, waiting for the pain to subside. Finally, he gritted out, "No, she's not."

Wendy looked bewildered by his answer. "She is. She said Gajeel called her over because you'd asked him to."

Natsu was going to kill his cousin as soon as he'd recovered enough to have the ability. "I didn't. He's lying. I didn't tell him that, and she's not here."

Looking increasingly confused and concerned, Wendy said, turning away, "Look, I'll just send her in–"

Angry that no one was listening to him regarding anything to do with her, Natsu knocked the glass she'd brought him from the table and shouted, "She's not!"

"Natsu," Wendy gasped as the glass shattered on the floor, but he continued, vicious grief ripping through his chest.

"She's not here," he snarled, smacking a hand loudly on the table as his voice rose to a shout, "and I'm tired of people lying to me about it!" He was tired in general of people lying to him about everything. This wasn't real, and no one seemed to care or notice! Where was the magic? Where was the flames he could so easily bring to life with a single flick of his fingers? Where was the girl of starlight that had pretended to be angry when he'd crept into bed with her, plagued by dreams of her death? Where was his talking blue cat, his guild, his friends, his family?

Because they most certainly were not here! How could they think themselves anything like the people he'd gone through so much with? They were all false – copies of people who were so much more.

Natsu remembered dying for them. He remembered smiling, even while filled with that dread as he knew what was coming, just for her, so that she'd remember him with that smile. He remembered her screams as his death meant nothing.

Everything, all for her. All for the starlit girl, who'd been such a shining light in his life that he'd forgotten how he'd survived before he'd quite literally fallen into her life, and she into his.

And it meant nothing.

"Natsu, calm down," pleaded Wendy, but he ignored her, stumbling to his feet. The pain only made him more frantic, and he staggered as the chair tipped back, slamming into the ground. He grabbed the nearest thing that wasn't his box and threw it, not caring when his newly purchased phone shattered into a thousand pieces on the wall. Wendy yelped, skittering back, and Natsu's frustration grew when it did nothing to make him feel better.

What was the point of waking up in a new life when his other half had been erased like she meant nothing to the world?

Hands suddenly gripped either side of his face, forcing him to still. He yelped, surprised by the pain that radiated through his scabbed cheek, trying to pull back, but those hands tightened.

"Natsu," rang out a voice he knew well, a voice that served to anger him further even as his knees buckled in relief, "enough."

Lucy's eyes met his as he froze, uncertain of how to react to her. He saw his confusion reflected in her expression, albeit confusion for his actions rather than confusion as to why he stood before her. Her grip loosened when she realized she'd accidentally scraped a piece of scab away, leaving blood free to drip down his cheek and along her fingers. He recoiled at the thought, physically trying to get away.

He didn't want to see crimson-stained gold, not again.

When she tried to keep a hold of him, he ripped free, swatting her hands away in agitation, not able to bring himself to care when he left a stinging blow on her fingers. She didn't seem to notice, stepping back instead, even as her tired eyes darted up and down his form, as if reassuring herself that he was alive and relatively unharmed while simultaneously trying to understand what had happened to make him so explosive.

His breathing ragged, he rasped, "Don't touch me. Don't…don't touch me."

Lucy's jaw tightened, hurt flashing across her features, and he wanted to apologize and beg her forgiveness almost immediately. At the same time, he felt cruel pride at it. Let her hurt like he did. She was nothing like his Lucy, nothing but a copy of the woman he'd loved so fiercely that he didn't think that singular word was enough to describe it.

"I…I'm going to go get Gajeel," whispered Wendy, and darted from the room. Natsu felt a twinge of guilt. But he only stared down Lucy, who lifted her chin and shoved her thoughts from her face.

"You're going to hurt yourself if you keep going around like that," she said quietly.

Natsu turned his back on her, moving to right the chair. Before he could even try bending down to pick it up, she'd interrupted, doing it herself. He glared at her, but dropped heavily into it, pressing a hand over his hurting side. "Who cares?" he finally muttered.

"I do," she retorted. "I care a lot, thank you very much." Her voice trembled, and he refused to meet her gaze. "I watched you nearly bleed out on my floor, Natsu. I care a hell of a lot that you could hurt yourself like that again."

More guilt. He was upsetting her, the girl so much like his Lucy, his starlit girl. He hated it. But he couldn't stop himself. "Well, don't. I don't want you to care. Stay away from me. I don't want anything to do with you."

Lucy looked like she'd been struck in the face, wide-eyed and so full of hurt that he had to look away again, not wanting to see.

"Alright, that's enough," growled Gajeel as he came storming in. Natsu didn't care that there was a violent look to him, as if he was planning on punching Natsu for scaring Wendy as he had. Natsu just glared at him. Let him. He'd have started the fight himself if he could bring himself to stand up. "Just 'cause you're in a bad mood doesn't mean you get to take it out on her, Salamander. She's been through enough, you hear me?"

Natsu's gaze sharpened. Salamander. Once. Just once, he'd called Natsu that name in this life, and it had been after he'd destroyed the kitchen. Natsu's eyes locked briefly with Gajeel's before a wide, wicked grin meant to mock him appeared. "Salamander," he parroted back at him, and a laugh bubbled from him, loud and near hysterical. Lucy looked downright confused, but he ignored her as he purred, "You can't call me that anymore. I can't be Salamander here."

Gajeel, having turned to talk to Lucy and likely ask her to leave – and probably offer a gruff apology on Natsu's behalf – stopped dead. "What'd you just say?" he said, slowly turning to face Natsu again.

"I said," Natsu said, waving him off dismissively, "don't call me that. You don't get to call me that. Only one person called me that, and you're not him."

Gajeel studied Natsu, understanding dawning in his eyes, and then turned back to Lucy. "Look, he's on medications and stuff and he's been an ass for the last few days. Doesn't know what he's talking about–"

"Liar," Natsu said over Gajeel, "I know exactly what I'm talking about."

"–and believe me," continued Gajeel as if he'd not been interrupted, "he's gonna hate himself for all the shit he's saying right now later. Sorry for bringing you over. Thought it'd help, but…"

Lucy huffed, looking agitated, and Natsu scowled at her when she glared at him, hurt replaced with an offended irritation. "It's fine," she murmured, turning her attention back on Gajeel. She faltered. "Thank you for thinking to ask me over though. I've been meaning to ask, but…I didn't want to just show up, and I thought…well, it is my fault he...I thought you wouldn't like me stopping by or calling."

Natsu thought Gajeel was surprisingly gentle when he gave her a crooked grin, dropping a hand on her head and roughly ruffling her hair. She squawked in surprise and a hint of pain when his fingers brushed a spot on her head. "Ain't your fault, you hear me? S'the crazy lady's. You got stuck in a bad situation, too. You still staying with Levy?"

"Yes. Or Gray. And Sting, once or twice. Whoever's got the time for me."

"Anyone else?"

She looked confused, and Natsu grumbled at the tears she blinked away. "Mira, just once. Her house is full with her boyfriend staying over though, so…"

"Good. It ain't your fault, remember that." He patted her head again and then waved her off, clearly indicating she should leave. "Go back to where you're stayin'. I'm sure this idiot," he jerked a thumb over his shoulder, "will come by in a day or two and grovel at your feet for forgiveness."

"I'll grovel at her feet when Igneel comes back from the dead again," muttered Natsu under his breath, and this time, rather than ignoring him, Gajeel snarled at him to shut up before turning his attention back on Lucy, who looked alarmed.

"Okay…" said Lucy slowly. She ran a hand through her hair; Natsu noticed that it seemed shorter, that a spot had been shaved away on her head. "I…" She retreated towards the door a step and then shook her head, turning to Natsu. "I'll see you later," she said simply, voice shaking, and then swept from the room. Gajeel didn't move, waiting, and even winced when there was a muffled crying sound before the door slammed shut.

The second he was sure Lucy was gone, Gajeel rounded on him. Natsu scowled as Gajeel stared at him, still looking more inclined to punch him than anything. He glared right back at Gajeel until Gajeel suddenly sighed heavily and ran his hands down his face in a tired motion. "You're worse than I was, Salamander. Least I didn't throw anything at Wendy."

Natsu faltered, eyeing him a bit more warily. Finally he decided on a muttered, "Don't call me that."

Gajeel gave him a sharp look and dragged out a chair. He heavily flopped into it, propping his chin on a curled fist, stretching his legs out in front of him. "Why not? You're him." A pause. "Maybe not, 'cause the Salamander I remember wouldn't have done that to Lucy. Would have ripped his own tongue out before he'd behave like that to her."

Agitation flickered back to life and Natsu's fingers twitched, curling into fists. "That's not Lucy. She's not here. She's dead."

"No," retorted Gajeel, "you're just an idiot who's too blind to realize that she's just not woken up like you have." He huffed, glaring for a few minutes. "And you're not the same Natsu from last time. You're different, too, so you don't get to turn around and tear her into more pieces than she already is, you hear me? Levy said she's just barely been able to start piecing herself together again."

Natsu, guilty but not wanting to admit it, looked away. He felt like his skin was crawling. "I'm me," he muttered stubbornly. "I don't feel any different than I did before."

"Before what?" Gajeel was relentless, words whipping out the second he crafted them. "Before you died? Before you remembered? Before what Natsu?" When Natsu couldn't answer, he snorted and muttered, "Look. Do what you want, it's your life. If you want to be an idiot and lose your chance at having as good a life as you can, be my guest, but I ain't gonna let you ruin Wendy's or Lucy's. They might never remember, and they don't deserve you being hard on 'em just because they're not who you want them to be. You say a single word like you just did again, to either of them," threatened Gajeel, "and I'll make damn sure that you never get the chance to see 'em again."

Natsu said nothing, only grumbled to himself and stared hard at his lap as Gajeel finally rose to his feet again and left. Desperation bubbled up, and the longer he sat there, the more his skin crawled. Finally, Natsu just rocked to his feet. He dry swallowed the pills still laying on the table and then muttered to himself and left, too.

He didn't bother to tell anyone where he was going as the door slammed shut behind him.


From where he sat, tapping on his knee with a single finger, Gray watched the world outside the window pass by. Every now and then, he'd either sip at the drink in front of him, take a bite of one of several pastries, or glance over to ensure that his friend was still doing alright.

As of late, he'd been letting her leave alone, but after the way she'd come in a few days before, broken and stumbling and sobbing so hard she'd made herself sick…

It had taken him hours to pry the story from her, around hysterical words and self-blame. Natsu, as it turned out, had certainly not wanted anything to do with her and had very loudly expressed the desire that he wanted nothing to do with her.

"How could he?" she'd said, and Gray's heart clenched at the memory of how hopeless and miserable she'd sounded. "It's my fault. It's all my fault."

He'd kick his ass the next time he saw that pink-haired idiot. Gray's fingers curled into fists before relaxing. He'd not soon forgive or forget the damage he'd left on Lucy. Regardless of the fact that Natsu had been severely hurt, he wasn't the only one who'd been affected by what had happened.

Her dreams hadn't gotten any better either, and had only been replaced by new ones. She awoke hysterical most nights, waking him up in the process, and while he didn't mind, he was tired.

She'd not slept for more than an hour or two each night since visiting Natsu's house.

A hand sliding over his arm caught his attention, and Gray made himself smile in greeting when Juvia, who'd come into town the second she'd heard what had happened, slid into the seat beside him. "Hey."

She smiled softly back at him, and Gray leaned back, turning his attention on her and her alone. Sometimes, Gray wished she knew what he knew, but other times…he was glad that she didn't. She didn't deserve the confusing struggle that came with remembering as he did. He just wanted to see her happy, and it was convenient that she found herself happy with him.

"How's Lucy?" Juvia asked quietly.

"Not well." He winced. "She's…I don't know how she's functioning at this point." He sighed heavily. "Natsu really screwed her up. I think if he'd not been so…cruel, I guess, she'd be fine."

Juvia gave him a sympathetic look and looked over to where Lucy silently worked, methodologically cleaning a pan. Her eyes were blank, her lips holding no trace of the smiles or anything of the person he knew and loved. She was miserable. "She'll recover. It'll take a long time, but…she's strong. She'll push through."

"I just wish Natsu would think about someone other than himself for a change," muttered Gray, pushing his hand through his hair with a frustrated sigh. "I know they only went on one date, but she really loves the idiot, you know? She never had anyone like that, not even me or Levy."

Juvia hummed, listening to his fears without interruption. When he was done, she said, "Natsu is struggling, too. Juvia's sure that once he recovers, he'll think things through properly and come back. It's not like him to act like this, hurt or not. There must be something else going on that we don't know about. Has Yukino spoken with her?"

"Yeah. Every day, but…it's different, I think. Yukino wasn't hurt." Not that he'd want the girl to be hurt. Yukino had been having issues, too, eyeing various parts of the bakery whenever she came in with horror.

"Thank you," said Gray suddenly, glancing at the pretty blue-haired woman beside him, and she looked back with confusion. "For coming to help out."

She smiled at him brightly. "Juvia would have come even if no one had been hurt," she said simply. Her gaze slid to something over his shoulder. "Mm, Juvia has a good feeling about today."

Something knocked quietly on the glass beside Gray's head and Gray looked over his shoulder. He blanched at the sight of a scowling Natsu Dragneel standing there, impatiently glaring at him.

"I'm gonna kill him," muttered Gray even as he rose to his feet.

Juvia giggled and said simply, "Juvia will keep an eye on Lucy."

He sighed and thanked her. It took him only moments to duck out of the bakery. Lucy had removed the bell, so the door was quiet when it swung shut behind him. Something about hating the sound that hurt her head every time she walked in. Gray strode along the sidewalk, searching, and found Natsu waiting nearby, leaning against the building next door. Gray hesitated, studying him.

He looked exhausted, face gray. He kept one hand firmly planted against his side, as if it was bothering him, and Gray made a mental note to have Levy tell Gajeel. Knowing Natsu, he probably had either an infection or hadn't been taking his medications properly. He held himself differently now, too, his body constantly braced as if he expected something to come and attack him.

Huffing, Gray stopped a foot away and said sharply, "I want to punch you, but if I do that, you're going to collapse, which would upset Lucy regardless of what you did, so go ahead and tell me what you want so I can go back inside."

Natsu blinked, glancing at him with an intelligence that Gray couldn't say he'd noticed before. He swept his gaze up and down Gray, judging, and then looked away again. When he said nothing, Gray bristled.

"What the hell do you want, man? I'm trying to make sure your girlfriend doesn't hurt herself on accident cleaning something, so–"

He didn't miss the way Natsu seemed to change, immediately angry and scowling. "Don't. I don't want to talk to you about her. That's not why I'm here."

Taken aback by the firm declaration, Gray stepped back and studied him. "Huh," he muttered a few moments later, suddenly realizing just why Natsu looked so different. He recognized a few nervous habits that hadn't been there the last time he'd seen him. The constant shifting, the way he crooked his head in a positively predatory fashion. "You really got screwed up when you remembered everything, didn't you?"

Natsu ignored the comment and instead said, "Gajeel and you remember. Who else?" Gray simply stared at him, not knowing what to say regarding the dark attitude of someone who'd been so bright and happy mere months before – and in his last life. "Tell me," he snapped.

Gray ran a hand through his hair and said quietly, "Levy. She was the first, I think. She's known longer than anyone else. Mira, Lisanna, Elfman. Mira told me when Gajeel first remembered. And Erza. She's going to kick your ass for what you did, by the way."

"Jellal and Meredy, too, right?" Natsu wouldn't look at him, merely stared ahead. "They have to. Or Levy wouldn't have been so friendly with them right away."

"Yeah, them, too." Gray took a deep breath and decided to try a different stance. "Natsu," he said quietly, "look. I don't know what's going on in that head of yours, but…come on, man. Don't do this. Don't hurt everyone else because you don't like how things turned out. I mean, I hate that I remember. I really do. It makes life hell sometimes. But…we got another chance."

Rather than giving him a nasty look as he had been, Natsu only rasped, "I don't want another chance, I want Lucy."

Had it been anyone else, had it been said any other way, Gray would have punched him regardless of whether he'd collapse or not. But Natsu said it so longingly, so brokenly, that Gray only said patiently, "She's right here, Natsu. It's her. A little different, and she doesn't remember, but it's still Lucy."

Rather than responding to that, though he looked a little less angry about it than he had the first time Lucy had been brought up, Natsu asked instead, voice quivering a fraction, "What happened? After I…what happened to you and Lucy? I could hear some of it." He shuddered, running a hand over his eyes and scrubbing at one with the hell of his hand. "I heard her…her screaming."

Gray swallowed nervously. It was something he avoided thinking about at all costs, because he couldn't bring himself to think about it. "Acnologia came after us. I think I was…there was a blast and then I don't remember anything after that. I don't know what happened to Lucy, but from what she's mentioned…"

Natsu gave a soft, but sharp exhale. "Acnologia…he crushed her then. Crushed her, ate her, whatever. It's what happens in her nightmares, why she wasn't sleeping."

Gray blanched at the thought, feeling sick. He hated that he'd remembered everything, but what Natsu was focusing on…

"I thought she was dead."

Gray blinked at him when Natsu looked his way, and Gray felt a flash of fear for the man who'd once been like a weird brother to him. Who, he silently admitted, still was a brother. He looked as if he was wavering on his feet now and there were tears rolling down his face. "I thought Lucy was dead."

He took a deep breath and let go of all the anger he'd felt towards Natsu over the last few days and weeks. He gave him a broad grin instead, reassuring, "I know you don't feel like it's the same, Natsu, but Lucy…she's alive. She's in the bakery, right now. She doesn't remember you, or me, or anyone else. Just this life. But it is her. Look for the quirks. The things that make her her."

Natsu thought it over and then laughed under his breath. "Tea." Gray quirked a brow in confusion and Natsu admitted, "When she drinks her tea, she always goes for two drinks. She never does it in ones. She can't help it. She likes it too much. And usually she'll go for another, just because."

It was something Gray would have never thought of. A quirk that did exist, now that he thought about it, but never one he would have noticed. "See? It really is her, Natsu. She's not completely the same, but that's Lucy, all the same."

Natsu took a shuddering breath, scrubbing harder at his eyes. "I…the things I said. I didn't mean…Gajeel handed me a box of Igneel's things, and I couldn't figure out what was real, and I really didn't mean to…" Natsu sounded as if he couldn't get his thoughts together, but he tried anyways.

"The last thing I saw was you two. And then I heard her screaming, and all I could think about was Dimeria and how she…when you came after me 'cause I was what I was, I'd thought she was dead then. There was blood all over her face and no matter what I did, I couldn't wake her up."

Understanding flashed through Gray. "It mixed together. All of it mixed together, and you thought that was the now because it almost happened a second time." He considered that for a moment, remembering Juvia in the past and how he'd thought she was dead, too. She'd not been, but he would never forget how thinking she was felt.

"You know," Gray said suddenly, lips twitching in a hint of a smile, "she is Lucy. She'll forgive you."

"I don't know if I can look at her," was Natsu's blunt honest response. "If I do, I'll want to do what I used to, but that's...not the me now. She'll know something's off. And I won't tell her. I can't tell her about all of it, she won't believe me, or she'll remember, and I don't think I want her to have to deal with it."

Gray understood that entirely.

"So do your best to pretend. S'what I do," said Gray with a shrug, folding his arms thoughtfully. "I just…go around, doing my usual stuff and most of the time I don't think about what happened. I just…focus on the now, and it works out. It's the only way I think you can really live with it. Unless you're Levy. She's just…weird. She said she's remembered from the first moment she could."

A ghost of a grin crossed Natsu's face before it was gone. "If I go into the bakery–"

"She's in there, and she'll talk to you. Just…be careful with her, would you?" Gray glanced over his shoulder when the bakery door opened. He blinked, realizing Lisanna was on her way out, bag shouldered. She paused when she saw them – saw Natsu – and he hastily waved her on, even when Natsu briefly glanced her way and grimaced.

Lisanna frowned, but waved and continued on her way.

Gray turned his attention back on the man before him. "She's in a bad way, Natsu. The dreams haven't stopped, and she's…really not doing well after what happened with you."

Natsu nodded, slowly staggering forward a few steps. He stumbled, and Gray found himself grabbing his shoulder. "Hey," he said, "when's the last time you took your meds, Natsu? Levy said that Gajeel said you were on a few different ones to help."

"Doesn't matter, I don't want them," muttered Natsu, and Gray was left frowning after him as Natsu pushed his way into the Heartfilia Bakery.


I've been on a roll with this story. And I ABSOLUTELY did NOT plan for this chapter to go this way. Natsu was initially supposed to just...kind of roll with it? But then this came out and I loved it so much more.

Also, this chapter turned out strangely long? I was really having fun with it.

Thanks to reviewers (FairyTailxFanGirl, NaluNom, Abdltf, LePengwen, stranger1999, and itsxoi!) as well as those who favorited and followed!