10: Excessive Use of Tissues/Seasonal Allergies

Autumn was supposed to be a joyous occasion. Though it was getting colder, it was a time of different smells and foods and sensations.

And it was also a time of hay fever.

It seemed as though once the first leaf changed color, every tissue box in Stalag 13 disappeared, but it didn't take long to find where they had all gone. Even Colonel Hogan and his band joined in the search, though it was mainly because Colonel Klink assumed Hogan was behind the mysterious disappearance of all the tissue boxes.

The culprit was found pushing the tissue boxes in a wheelbarrow of all things to the guard barracks.

"Corporal Kielholz," Klink said, sternly. "Where are you taking all of these tissue boxes?"

Kielholz looked over his shoulder at Klink. "To Corporal Langenscheidt, sir."

"And why, may I ask, are you taking all of these tissue boxes to Corporal Langenscheidt?"

"He has hay fever, sir, and in the time that it is taking us to have this conversation, he has probably used both of our bedsheets as tissues and is moving on to the other guards' bedsheets."

Klink made a disgusted face. "You can only take one tissue box, and put the rest back where you found them."

"Sir, I hate to be insubordinate, but one tissue box will not cut it. He's been having horrible sneezing fits all morning."

"You are not taking all of these tissue boxes, Corporal! Put them back or I will revoke your leave privileges for a month, and you will clean my car twice a day!"

"Colonel," Hogan said, folding his arms over his chest, "maybe we should go see just how bad Langenscheidt's hay fever really is."

"That is not my duty, Colonel Hogan. If Langenscheidt's hay fever really is that bad, then he should go to the infirmary."

"May as well set up a separate ward for the poor lad," Corporal Newkirk muttered.

"You are just as bad, Pierre," LeBeau added.

Klink ignored them. "One tissue box, and that is final. I find anymore missing tissue boxes and both you and Corporal Langenscheidt will be washing my car."

Kielholz raised an eyebrow. "I don't think we want Karl snotting all over your car, Colonel."

Klink made an even more disgusted face, followed by a fist.

"Would you rather have that or pigeon droppings, Colonel?" Hogan asked.

Klink didn't respond, and instead made a huffing sound before turning on his heels and going back to his quarters.

Hogan gave Kielholz a look. "Is it really that bad?"

"Come see for yourself." Kielholz kept pushing the wheelbarrow to the guard barracks. He took several tissue boxes in his arms before opening the door. "I brought more tissues, Karl!"

Langenscheidt looked over at the group from his bunk. His face and eyes were red, and he already had one empty tissue box and several used tissues surrounding him. "Erich, what have you done? Where did you get those?"

"From all over camp."

Langenscheidt let out a groan before taking a tissue and blowing into it. "Erich! Are you trying to get yourself in trouble?"

"Honestly, he doesn't look that bad," Sergeant Kinchloe said. "I've seen worse."

"Finally, some sense!" Langenscheidt replied. "I don't need all of these tissue boxes. Put them back."

"At least take three," Kielholz said.

"Three? No! Just give me one, you maniac!"

"Just like Klink told you to do," Kinchloe added.

Sergeant Carter frowned as he observed. "I don't think I've ever seen Langenscheidt so… so…"

"Cranky?"

"Yeah. Cranky. I didn't think it was possible."

"You also didn't think Langenscheidt knew how to swear."

"Yeah, I mean, he normally seems so… nice and friendly most of the time."

"Well, I would be mad, too, if one of you became a mother hen every time I so much as sniffled."

"Look at it from Kielholz's perspective, though," LeBeau said. "How many times has Langenscheidt gotten sick over the last few months? That is his friend and brother. He loves him! Of course he is going to worry. I worry about you whenever you are sick."

"Yeah, but not like this." Kinchloe shook his head.

"I have the rest of you to help. Kielholz has only himself."

"I'm sure Langenscheidt will return the favor when it's his turn to take care of Kielholz."