The Anatomy of Love

Written By: Banana007

Chapter 19: Petal to the Metal


A/N: Hiatus is over! Thank you so much for your patience – happy reading!


Sakura sighed and tapped an impatient finger next to her laptop. The loading wheel at the top of her browser's window had been spinning for what felt like an eternity now, and all she wanted to do was submit the final draft of the essay she'd spent the entire morning polishing. Which was why she'd come to the Grand Senju library in the hopes of piggybacking on its speedy Wi-Fi, but it seemed the bandwidth was clogged today.

Somehow.

11:47 turned into 11:48 in the corner of the screen and Sakura huffed in frustration. She stole a glance over her shoulder to see if anyone else was suffering the same problem, but then frowned when she saw most people were on their phones and... streaming videos? Well, no wonder the Wi-Fi was slow today!

Sakura dipped down her chair and continued to glare at the spinning wheel that was still loading her browser. She had half a mind to tell those people that they shouldn't come to the library and hog the bandwidth if they weren't going to use the Wi-Fi for studying.

Her eyes flitted over to The Company of Wolves novel she continued tapping her finger next to. She reached over and stroked that finger along the final line of the story, tracing the words now highlighted with the stain of her menstruation blood after last night.

'See! Sweet and sound she sleeps in granny's bed, between the paws of the tender wolf.'

At least the words were still legible through the stain, but Sakura's real concern was her need to change her tampon sooner or later. She'd totally forgotten to bring an extra, but maybe she could pass by someplace with a bathroom that offered a dispenser.

Glimpsing the loading wheel whirling around still, she quietly groaned and sunk further down her chair. Just as soon as I can submit my essay, Sakura promised herself, shooting the girl across from her a scathing look that she didn't even notice as she showed her friends a video.

Grabbing a pen, she started spinning it in between her fingers to keep herself occupied even as her thoughts wandered to the e-mail she'd received just a mere hour ago. There had been no explanation as to why the school had decided to cancel fitness classes for the entirety of next week. No answer for why it had been the school who announced the cancellation and not Professor Mizuki himself.

When she'd texted Tenten about it, her friend revealed that she had received the same news. Which meant it wasn't only Professor Mizuki's class that was canceled for the week, but all the fitness classes for all instructors.

But why?

"You've gotta be kidding me," one student muttered from the table behind Sakura.

She peered back at him as he stared wide-eyed at the video he was watching on his phone with his friends crowded on either side of him. Though the sound was distant, she could make out the voice of a news reporter saying something, but she couldn't quite make out the words. Whatever the reporter was saying, however, he had his viewers frowning in either confusion or concern as the air around Sakura seemed to thicken with tension.

"So it's true then," one student mused aloud over the news report. "Professor Mizuki really got fired."

The pen spinning between her fingers clattered onto the table. It rolled, and rolled, rolled until it fell off the edge, but Sakura remained frozen in her seat.

Had she heard that right? Professor Mizuki... got fired?

As if in answer to her question, her phone began buzzing next to her hand. Ino was calling her.

She picked up the device with numb fingers. "Hello?"

"Sakura?" Ino's voice was fraught with tension on the other end of the line. "Did you hear the news about Mizuki?"

Something churned in her stomach at the sound of her professor's name. She could practically taste the acrid spite that Ino had spat out upon saying his name, and a part of Sakura deep within had the slightest inkling why.

"Yeah," she rasped out as she closed her laptop shut, having given up on the loading wheel. "What's going on? I overheard some students say he got fired? There must be some sort of mistake..."

It had to be a mistake. It had to be.

"It's not a mistake, Sakura. It's bad. It's really, really bad."

Her lashes fluttered as she closed her eyes and tried to swallow back the bile building in her throat.

Bad? Bad was not a word she had ever associated with Professor Mizuki. Nice, amicable, jovial—even affectionate. But never bad.

She swallowed again. Harder this time. "What do you mean by... bad?"

Ino sighed, and then there was a rustling noise as if she was still in bed and was only now getting up. That was another sign that something serious had happened; Ino never stayed in bed this late in the day unless the news was, well, bad. "Last night, Dad left the house suddenly after he received an anonymous caller who tipped him off about Mizuki. The FBI raided his house shortly after—"

"The FBI raided Professor Mizuki's house?!" Sakura yelped out, standing up from her chair so suddenly that it was almost knocked back. Everyone on the library floor was gawking at her now, so she grabbed her laptop and book and shoved them into her backpack to retreat into the bathroom for some privacy. "But they can't just do that! Can they...? I mean, isn't a warrant needed and issued by a judge first or something?"

Sakura wasn't trying to defend Professor Mizuki—she really wasn't. But she was scared to believe that he had done something so heinous that it'd caught the attention of the FBI themselves. She was scared to think of what that meant for her.

"They did search his house without a warrant, but they had probable cause. Also, apparently Mizuki wasn't in a position to refuse anyways. When they found him… Dad said the evidence was everywhere," Ino muttered, but Sakura was still struggling to piece together the picture. "Besides, whatever that anonymous tipper told them about Mizuki... it was all true."

"What is?" Sakura dared to ask even as her stomach continued to flip anxiously.

As she listened to Ino explain, her grip around the straps of her backpack gradually tightened until her knuckles turned bone-white. Every word Ino spoke into her ear seemed to sink into the pit of her stomach, adding to the nausea.

It wasn't true! It couldn't be true!

Professor Mizuki had always been so kind and generous towards her. He'd sat down and taken his time of day to listen to her pour out her heart to him. He'd supported her in ways no other teacher had before and comforted her with...

Slowly, Sakura looked down to her shoulder where she could still feel the weight of his hand upon it. Goosebumps broke out at the memory of the many times he had touched her shoulders, her back, her arms. Even her bare knee.

Oh.

Oh, gods.

A group of students grunted in protest as she shoved her way through them and sprinted for the bathroom. Upon bursting through the door, she swept by the line of women waiting their turn and dove into the next available stall, ignoring the annoyed harrumphs of the women she'd cut.

She fell to her knees and retched into the toilet, but nothing came out. Still, her body betrayed her, and she continued to gag and dry heave as waves of anxiety slammed into her gut like a sucker punch. Tears sprung to her eyes as she tried to fight each convulsion. More than a minute passed before her body finally surrendered to exhaustion.

Slumped on the ground, Sakura yanked at the toilet roll hanging beside her and wiped her mouth. She was still too deep in shock to be disgusted that she was sitting on the floor of a public bathroom—still too numb to register a stranger's kind hand touching her shoulder.

"Are you all right, my dear?"

"Fine," she mumbled back, still exhausted but better now. Her fingers tingled as all feeling returned, and like a band-aid had been ripped off, she felt free of whatever poison had momentarily filled her system. For now, at least.

"Ginger tea." Sakura glanced over her shoulder to the elderly woman who had spoken to her. The wrinkles around the woman's eyes deepened as she smiled and gestured to her belly. "It helps with pregnancy nausea."

Sakura blinked owlishly at her. "Pregnancy… nausea?" she echoed, her voice sounding distant in her own ears.

The elderly woman nodded with that sympathetic smile still creased across her face. "The first few weeks are usually the toughest but it'll pass."

Mouth dropping open, Sakura began to shake her head. "Oh, I'm not—"

Pregnant, she had meant to finish saying, but the memory of Mizuki's hand holding her bare knee cut through her thoughts. He had been smiling at her, his fingers stroking her knee as he watched her drink his tea. And then he'd had the gall to give her a tampon and discuss her menstruation like he was a teacher who cared about her and not a damn pervert who had been taking pornographic photos of his students and sexually abusing them.

God, what if... what if I'm one of his victims?

Sakura didn't remember any time when his hand had strayed to her private parts but...

What about the tea?

She did remember feeling incredibly sleepy after drinking his tea but, at the time, she had chalked up her exhaustion to the all-nighter she'd pulled the night before.

Unless... he spiked my tea?

I left for home right after, but what about all those other times I'd been alone with him?

Her blood ran cold.

The memory of Mizuki's touches—so repulsive now—attacked every inch of Sakura that was exposed. Suddenly, she could feel his hand all over her bare legs, creeping up her skirt, gripping her arms still riddled with goosebumps, and stroking the small of her back—violating her body like a ghost haunting her. The sensation was so tangible that she instinctively shirked away from the woman's touch and barely had time to pull her hair back and dry heave into the toilet once more.

The whole time, Ino's words continued to echo in her head.


He really despised hospitals.

No matter what wing he entered or ward he visited, the stench of death and decay always followed Kakashi around. It didn't help that the stench was thinly veiled by the pungent chemicals that assailed his nose, and he always regretted not doubling his mask every time he came here.

With a sigh, he leaned back into his chair, ignoring the slight twinge in his lower back as he did so. The ice pack he'd nabbed earlier had completely melted hours ago but he kept it pressed to his bruised shoulder anyway.

"You look like shit," someone said from the doorway.

His neck protested as he looked over his shoulder to meet honey-brown eyes that were more harsh than kind, and with a frown hanging above them. "And you look beautiful as always, Doctor Tsunade," he said with a crinkle-eyed smile.

Her frown deepened in skepticism and she strutted into the room, glaring at Kakashi like she was ready to slap the truth out of him (it wouldn't be the first time she did so).

Trapped in his chair, Kakashi was helpless as Tsunade approached him. But as her heel tapped menacingly on the vinyl flooring, she merely crossed her arms and leaned in to scrutinize his disheveled appearance. He wasn't so disheveled that anyone would notice but Tsunade had a keen eye for detail, and she knew him well enough to know when he had hidden injuries. Not to mention the ice pack he still held to his shoulder wasn't exactly a great way to hide injuries either.

Feeling self-conscious, he ran a hand through his hair, only to wince when another piece of glass from Mizuki's coffee table tumbled to the floor and skimmed across until it stopped right at Tsunade's foot.

Huh, did the room get hotter all of a sudden, or was that her blood pressure rising?

"How long have you been here?" Tsunade asked, her words strung tight together like she was gripping a belt right behind him. She didn't need one anyway—she'd always been skilled with verbal lashes.

Kakashi shrugged, taking the second to carefully choose his words. "Not that long."

"Shizune says she saw you earlier at the cafeteria getting coffee. Black coffee."

He furrowed his brows at the accusation. "I didn't realize it was a crime to like black coffee?"

"She says your hands were..." her eyes flicked down to the hands he kept innocently over his lap, "shaking."

There was a pause as Tsunade waited for him to digest those words.

Okay, so he'd missed a dose of his medication last night, but at least he hadn't had an attack... yet.

Kakashi took the moment to toss the ice pack into the disposal across the room. It landed with a heavy thud, momentarily breaking the steady beat of the ventilator huffing in the corner and the beeps of the other machines.

When he remained silent, she reached for the stool in the corner and dragged it over to him before locking it in place so that she could sit down. Kakashi held back from wrinkling his nose at the sharp, expensive notes of her perfume. He had to remind himself it was better than the smell of blood.

"I told you, Kakashi," Tsunade continued frowning at him, "you can't stay here all night."

He kept his eyes trained on the pale skin of her shapely thighs that the dress beneath didn't cover. She'd always had such a voluptuous figure that even her medical coat couldn't cover, often attracting whistles and remarks from his fellow soldiers who'd been so starved for the beauty of a sharp-witted buxom that they'd risked facing her wrath. He was pretty sure every soldier in that outpost had a crush on her that first day—including his seventeen-year-old self-with more than half the men realizing they had a mommy kink.

His mouth then quirked upon remembering how Obito had been kicked in the balls for not keeping his mouth filtered in her presence many years ago.

"Kakashi, are you listening to me?" Tsunade demanded. "I said you can't stay here in the hospital all night if you're not here for treatment."

He stared a bit longer at the thick scar on her left knee, his faint smile fading away. He could still see the blood dripping from it the day the bombs had been raining down on his outpost—he could still hear her screaming for Nawaki when the medical camp was razed to the ground and he'd had to carry Tsunade away on his shoulders even as she thrashed and—

"Kakashi!"

He blinked and met her honey gaze again, kind and warm now but full of concern. He looked away, unable to stomach that same pitiful look from before. "I haven't been here all night," he said, rubbing his neck. "Only since three."

"In the morning," she emphasized and then narrowed her eyes at the guilt that flitted across his face. "It's three in the noon now. Don't you have children to babysit?"

At that, he threw her an exasperated look. "I teach college students."

"So that must make you a glorified babysitter."

"On Mondays and Wednesdays, yes. Today's a Saturday."

Her brow twitched. He'd always wondered how she didn't have wrinkles yet with the way she was always frowning at him or barking at incompetent first-year interns. "Go home," Tsunade insisted. "You're distracting the nurses at the station."

He rolled out the kinks in his shoulder first before leaning his chair all the way back. Balancing precariously on the chair's back legs, he peeked through the doorway to find the young and pretty nurses working at the station just across the room already gazing in his direction. Realizing they'd been caught looking, they quickly grabbed their clipboards to hide their demure smiles, but one of them giggled and waggled her fingers in his direction.

He smiled politely and waved back before rocking forth to set the chair down on all four legs. "I haven't asked them for anything," Kakashi said in his defense.

"You're distracting them just by being here!" Tsunade said over another bout of giggles from just outside the room. She whipped her face towards the doorway and waited for the shadows of several figures to creep away. Kakashi was already studying how to escape through the window on the other side of the bed when Tsunade turned her scowl back onto him. "Go home and get some rest. This hospital doesn't need another patient, and certainly not one who distracts my nurses. I've already lost a good number of my staff because of you."

He knew Tsunade had merely meant some of her staff had lost their licenses, and yet he couldn't help but think of all the combat medics who'd died with her brother that day. Kakashi forced another smile on his face and pointed at himself. "Tsunade, is this the face of someone who would dare to incite violence in a place of safety and wellbeing?"

"Then why do incidents of horizontal violence among the staff skyrocket every time you're here?"

He shrugged. "Coincidence?"

"Really?" She scoffed and leaned her elbows onto her knees to lace her hands together as she often did when the good doctor knew better. Had he been younger, Kakashi would've taken a gander at the generous cleavage right before his face. But he was older, more mature, and had suffered enough from Tsunade's hands to know better than try to take a peek. "You know, the last time you were admitted," Tsunade said with narrowed eyes, "I found a group of nurses having a push-ups contest over who would give you a sponge bath."

He crossed his arms and hummed in contemplation. "I do recall waking up to a nurse trying to take my pants off me to—and I quote—check for any bedsores down there. But I was immobilized at the time," he quickly added when Tsunade's jaw tightened. "I could barely lift a finger to defend myself."

"And another nurse lost her license after she tried to sedate you just so she could sneak a peek under your mask."

"Well, I was born with this face," Kakashi tried to reason with a disarming smile, "so I'm afraid I can't help that either."

"And every time I give you your pelvic exam, there is always an alarming number of nurses who want to chaperone," Tsunade grounded out.

He sighed. "You see why I hate these exams?"

Judging by the vein now throbbing over Tsunade's temple, that was the wrong answer. "Well, feel free to find another doctor willing to put up with all your shenanigans just so that they can stick their finger in your ass. If it wasn't for what you did for me... for Nawaki back in Lightning country," she added her brother's name more quietly, "I would've kicked your ass out of here long ago."

"That's harsh, Tsunade," Kakashi said with a wry laugh but it came out all stilted.

Just hearing her drop Nawaki's name had been enough to have him drop all pretenses. He slouched further in his chair, feeling the exhaustion of last night's events weigh his bones down. When he sensed Tsunade's strict gaze start to melt back into pity, however, he crinkled his eyes at her to hide his pain and tried for another smile.

"Well, now you know why I hate hospitals," he joked.

She snapped at that, and Kakashi let her lurch to her feet to haul him out of his own chair. "So then get the hell out of mine, Hatake!"

Once the front of his shirt was released from her bruising grip, Kakashi paused at the door to let his eyes linger on the occupied bed behind the doctor. "I have a right to visit," he murmured.

"That's what graves are for," Tsunade replied solemnly. Her words cut deep and Kakashi couldn't help but wince again, prompting Tsunade's ever-present frown to flip upside-down for him. "Go home now, Kakashi," she pleaded with him softly.

Go home? Easy for her to say. He'd only ever called that husk of a house he lived in a 'home' because Rin had called it so.

But that house hadn't been a home for a long time now.

Knowing Tsunade wasn't going to move out of his way without throwing hands (literally), Kakashi obliged her and left. He passed by nurses, doctors, and technicians—many of them he was well familiar with after countless visits for his teammates. He didn't wave at them as often anymore. He could no longer bear the way they looked upon him with pity. And if they weren't staring at him, then they were gossiping about him. About the lone wolf who'd lost his pack.

The stench of death seemed to cling to his leather jacket as he exited the hospital, or perhaps that was just his imagination. When the sunlight hit Kakashi's face, he squinted and held up a hand against the harsh rays as he patted his pockets down for the keys to his motorcycle.

Just as he was about to slip his helmet back on, his phone rang. Seeing the caller ID had his shoulders sagging in gratitude of the distraction.

"Inoichi," Kakashi answered as he sat down on his motorcycle. "What news do you have?"

"Good news: we arrested Mizuki," the FBI agent announced. "He didn't even put up a fight although I guess you already took the fight right out of him."

A weight lifted off Kakashi's shoulders but he didn't want to get comfortable just yet. "That's good to hear," he said tentatively, knowing there was still plenty more to be said.

"Well, you're not going to like what you're about to hear next."

Ah, there was the bad news he'd been waiting for.

"What? Did he sell any of the photos or DVDs?" Kakashi guessed. He wouldn't put it past Mizuki to do that.

"No..." Inoichi heaved a heavy sigh, but his next words weighed even heavier. "The guy had the Sharingan on him."

The wind took on a chilly note as the words sunk into Kakashi's mind and temporarily left him bereft of any other thought. Suddenly, his shoulders were heavy again. He sucked in a steady breath and glanced over to the man rifling through his trunk in the lot next to him.

"Give me a sec," Kakashi told his former colleague.

Inoichi grunted and the 'click clack' of his keyboard filled the pause in conversation as Kakashi searched the saddlebags at the back of his motorcycle for his Bluetooth headset. Once he popped the earpiece in, he slipped on his helmet and revved up the motorcycle, letting it purr beneath him as he slid his gloves on.

"You said Mizuki had the Sharingan on him?" Kakashi asked, glimpsing the gas meter and making a mental note to fill up the tank before heading home. "How is that possible? I thought you said that drug wasn't exactly on the market yet, let alone on the streets?"

"I don't know," Inoichi admitted, "but somehow Mizuki got his hands on it. We searched his office at school too, and he had a stash hidden in his desk—used. Forensics came in and did a sweep of the office just this morning. There was no residue of the drug leftover. He was surprisingly meticulous about that, but the team did find body fluids all over the place."

Kakashi's jaw clenched. "How many victims?"

"According to the number of photos on his hard drive..." Inoichi paused as he seemed to search for a more definite answer on his computer. "Hundreds. All girls by the ages of seventeen and eighteen. All freshmen at the time."

Damn it.

"Did you find the video I mentioned?" Kakashi asked as he waited at a red light.

"We found videos," Inoichi corrected him. "A whole library of them. I guess he wanted to document his exploits—the narcissist. At least he gave us a whole shelf of evidence to incriminate him."

Kakashi didn't mention that he'd been sorely tempted to break every last DVD on that shelf. He'd already scrubbed Mizuki's phone clean of any information or photo of Sakura, but if there was any footage of her burned onto a disc... Or if any of that footage had been distributed... Just the thought of it had him speeding a few miles faster, weaving in between the heavy traffic. "Did Mizuki confess?"

"He did."

"And?"

"And he said that he'd lure a girl into his office, use the Sharingan on them, and then..."

Kakashi's gloves creaked as he tightened his grip on the handlebars. "And then rape them."

He should've known. He should've acted sooner. He should've... done more.

But, as fate would have it, he was always just a step too late.

'You're too late, Scarecrow...'

Kakashi could feel his pulse quicken as the words rang out so loud and clear that he would've thought he was strung up again in that shithole of a shed instead of speeding through the streets of his home city.

"And so long as the victim is under the Sharingan's influence," Inoichi continued while Kakashi fought to focus on his friend's voice rather than the faint ringing in his ears, "the girls would have no recollection of the assault. He said that he would feed the girl a morning-after pill, then take her to the showers in the gym afterward and, well, wash away the evidence. He was careful not to bruise them too... for the most part."

That was why he needed to buy that many pills, Kakashi thought to himself. The most important piece of the puzzle had been staring him right in the face all along, but he'd been too occupied with Sakura to notice. His mistake had almost cost Sakura's future, and if it had... he would've never forgiven himself for it.

He couldn't afford to make any more mistakes. He couldn't afford to fail anyone again.

"Is Mizuki aware that morning-after pills aren't foolproof?" Kakashi bit out as he cut into the left lane to pass ahead of some cars. "If any of those girls were already ovulating at the time of their rape, then those pills would've done shit for them."

"The guy's a fitness instructor, Kakashi—not a science whizz."

Kakashi grunted as he rolled to a stop beside a car in which a baby in her booster seat giggled and made grabby hands at him. He waved back as he muttered into his Bluetooth, "If the girls don't remember anything, then they probably went home thinking they were just having a bad stomachache. Worse if they found themselves pregnant."

"If that wasn't bad enough, he confessed to going for the virgins," Inoichi added, his voice dropping low with restrained anger. It wasn't often that Kakashi heard his friend speak with such fury, but the guy had a daughter who was in the perfect age range for Mizuki's tastes, and she had been just one instructor away from falling victim to him. "I'm guessing their naïveté and inexperience made it easier for him to manipulate them," Inoichi explained. "Some of them he would rape consistently for a few weeks before picking the next girl."

At another red light, Kakashi lifted his visor for a breath of fresh air. He had a feeling that was what Mizuki had been doing; the DVDs were more than telling enough. But to hear Inoichi confirm it made his stomach drop. He'd always known something was off about Mizuki. The bastard's smile always bordered on a sneer, but he was a social butterfly who knew how to charm the girls and boys. Still, he never thought Mizuki was capable of something like this—he didn't even think Mizuki was the kind of guy to dabble in drugs, especially not one as dangerous as the Sharingan.

"What's the earliest date you found from the DVDs?"

Inoichi hummed in his ear. "According to the timestamps of his album, he didn't start doing this until three years ago."

Kakashi's brows shot up as he rolled into the gas station, falling in line behind several cars. "Three years ago? But it was only last year that the Sharingan started to make itself known—and even then, it was practically impossible to get your hands on it. Unless... Mizuki was a beta tester?"

"It seems so," Inoichi agreed. "Which means he has connections with someone. Someone high enough in the hierarchy to have gotten him a beta version of the drug before they started selling the real thing."

"How does a college professor have connections with someone like that?"

Inoichi snorted. "Speak for yourself."

"But Mizuki?" Kakashi shook his head as he dipped a hand into his back pocket for his wallet. "Then again, his position as a teacher gave him access to many subjects—or girls. Someone like Mizuki would easily be able to run numerous trials to test the drug's effects, potency, duration, and more. The question is who was he reporting back to?"

He'd hoped Inoichi had cracked the answer to that, but his friend was less than pleased to admit that he hadn't. "Unfortunately, even Mizuki doesn't know the identity of his supplier—or rather, suppliers. The transaction is made with paper bills, so there's no electronic footprint, and each time the supplier has always been a different masked person."

"Masked?" Kakashi thought he'd misheard him.

"Yeah, orange with a weird spiral design."

Taking the gas pump in hand, Kakashi began filling up the tank of the motorcycle as he mulled over that piece of information. He didn't remember any masked cartel members in any of his past tours. The ones he had the pleasure of meeting on the other end of their gunfire were never very fashionable save for the countless tattoos that marked their allegiance to whatever drug club they were members of.

"Mizuki's students might've heard the news about him by now," Kakashi warned his friend. "The suppliers will be staying extra low during this time. I wouldn't be surprised if they've already skipped town."

There was a brief pause as Inoichi spoke with someone else on his end. "Speaking of his students," he said, returning to the phone, "I've just got more info on them. Most of his victims are from past years and are on the verge of graduating now, but we're asking any to come forward. We've even reached out to the ex-fiancée."

He wasn't surprised to hear that Tsubaki was now an ex. He'd never once believed Mizuki's lie about trying for a child, especially when the guy had always been too self-absorbed to have the capacity to care and make sacrifices for one. "Did Tsubaki know?"

"Yes," Inoichi answered with a sigh of disappointment. "But she didn't know everything. She said she broke off the engagement after finding out that Mizuki had been sleeping with one of his students. At first, Tsubaki thought it was an affair and went to confront the girl one day. She followed the girl from the campus and straight to an abortion clinic. Instead of confronting the girl as planned, Tsubaki said she returned home, packed up all her things, and left Mizuki without another word."

A part of Kakashi was just as disappointed as Inoichi that Tsubaki had never bothered to come forth about Mizuki's crimes. If she had, so many girls needn't have suffered as they did. But he was also aware that, as most things are in life, the situation probably wasn't as black and white as it seemed. She had probably feared for her life and ultimately chose to run away instead.

A selfish reason, yes, but for good reason. Kakashi had seen too many women lose their lives to cruel men that it was impossible to not find some degree of sympathy for Tsubaki.

"We're about to reach out to Mizuki's current students for questioning," Inoichi's voice piped in just as Kakashi returned the gas pump and pulled out his credit card to pay. "My daughter says her best friend is his student as well as yours. A Haruno Sakura?"

Kakashi froze with the credit card still in his hand. Since when did hearing her name aloud have such an effect on him that it sent his heart racing with... he didn't dare put a label to it. "Yes," he answered, carefully keeping his voice level as he proceeded to slide his card through the reader. "Sakura is... a brilliant student of mine. Very hard-working."

Those words fell short of all that he thought of her, and the potential he knew she had. But knowing Inoichi was very much like a mind reader if the person betrayed even the slightest hint of their true feelings, Kakashi held back any further praise of the girl in question.

"In last week's tape, he finishes with a girl and then instructs her to bring Sakura into his office."

Kakashi's eyes widened. "Did—"

"I don't know," Inoichi answered for him. "The footage ends shortly after. But Sakura's your student for your morning Anatomy section on Mondays and Wednesdays, right? Did she ever seem off to you last week? Tired or losing focus in class? Did she seem to be in pain of any sort?"

His mind raced through memories of her sweet smiles, carefree laughter, and coy blushes that often pleased something primal within him. But Kakashi couldn't think of a time in which Sakura had been in discomfort or pain of any... no, wait. How could he forget that? She'd been suffering from cramps throughout the whole week—cramps severe enough that she'd accepted his offer to massage her belly for her.

He stared down at his gloved hand, remembering how soft and smooth her skin had felt against his bare palm... how the muscles of her stomach had fluttered in his grip with every nervous breath she took.

Had her cramps been caused by her menstruation or... by Mizuki? The bastard had claimed that he didn't touch Sakura but, then again, his word was full of shit.

"What did Mizuki say?"

"Actually," Inoichi drawled out in faint bemusement, "he said I should ask you about Sakura... Know anything about that?"

'You like Sakura. Just fucking admit it.'

Kakashi's glove creaked as he slowly drew his fingers to make a fist. "No... but I'll talk to her."

"You sure that's a good idea?"

"Of course. I'm her professor." Gods, he was really starting to hate that word now.

"Yeah, Mizuki was her professor too, and look what happened."

Kakashi grimaced and threw his gaze back to the gas tank where the touchscreen played out a commercial for a cologne designed in commemoration of the Uchiha conglomerate's fifth anniversary.

Okay, so it wasn't an ideal time to have another professor get up close and personal with Sakura right after her other professor had just been arrested for child pornography and sexual abuse. But... Kakashi tugged off his gloves and stared at the lines of his palms—at the pale scars that crisscrossed over each other.

Not once had she shown an ounce of fear towards him. Not when Kakashi had put that punk harassing her into a chokehold. Not when she'd caught him throwing down with Guy in his gym. Not when he'd popped a damn boner right against her during the naked run. Not even when she'd caught him in the middle of a PTSD attack.

And that day in lab class, when he'd put his hands on her and even dipped low enough for his fingers to skim the waistband of her panties... she hadn't run away from him. Instead, she'd stayed and pleaded for more of his touches, urging him to cross a line that had always been a bit blurry between them. Instead of looking upon him with horror and disgust the next day, Sakura had smiled for him—sweet and bashful more than ever, but it was a smile nonetheless. A smile for him.

There had been no judgment or fear in her eyes. No sign that she thought of him as a monster. Just the sincere smile of a girl who liked her professor far more than what was good for her.

And Kakashi had run away from her like a coward, too shameful of himself to dare linger in her presence for too long lest he prove himself the very monster Mizuki believed him to be.

"Inoichi, she trusts me," Kakashi insisted, tearing his eyes away from the scars on his hand. "I'll be the one to talk to her."

There was a moment of silence on the other end, but Kakashi had been firm. He knew Inoichi wouldn't argue with him.

"Try not to scare the girl off, would you?" his friend conceded.

Kakashi tipped a brow at the insinuation. "I'm not that scary," he said, skirting around his motorcycle to head into the gas station for another ice pack.

Inoichi guffawed at that. "Oh, trust me, it's the good-looking people who are often the most intimidating. Hell, you gave even me the shivers when we first met and you were just a kid. Just be gentle with Sakura, okay? I've known her since she was a little girl and... well, let's just say she would be the perfect kind of victim Mizuki would go for; vulnerable in every way. I'm actually surprised I didn't find any DVDs of her in his library—not even a photo on any of his hard drives."

Upon hearing that, Kakashi closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. "She's a smart girl, and tougher than she looks. She can handle some questions," he said, his boots thumping heavily across the linoleum floor as he made his way to the back of the store once he saw there were no ice packs available.

"She's a tough girl, yes, but she's also... innocent," Inoichi asserted.

The implication hung awkwardly between them although Kakashi already knew exactly what he meant. After all, Sakura herself had personally divulged how so inexperienced she was with the opposite sex that she'd never even had her first kiss yet. But Inoichi didn't need to know how Kakashi knew so much more about Sakura than him. He didn't need the FBI arresting him too.

"And she's also very eager to please," Inoichi added. "If Mizuki did touch her, she wouldn't even remember it."

"I understand," Kakashi replied quietly. Of course he would be gentle with her. Although she packed a mean right hook, he knew that with her youth she still possessed the fragility of a flower still blossoming. And since news about Mizuki had likely broken out already, then all the more reason he had to be gentle with her.

Or maybe... she's already lost trust in me.

He shoved down that fear and grabbed a bag of frozen peas to take to the cash register.

"And try not to look so strict when you talk to her," Inoichi advised him. "Your face can get pretty scary even with that mask on. Not to mention your way of interrogating is..."

"Brutal?"

"I was going to say it lacks finesse but, yes, your way of interrogating is quite brutal."

"I'd call it blunt," Kakashi corrected him.

"Brutally blunt," Inoichi grunted back, less than amused. "That Cloud prisoner you handled back then is still in rehabilitation, you know. You got results that time, but Sakura's just a girl. She's not someone you can just beat the answers out of when you're in a rush."

"That's not how I interrogate. That's how I torture."

The cashier guy across from him dropped the bag of peas, horrified of what he'd just heard.

"Which isn't as bad as it sounds," Kakashi hurriedly added.

"Mm, very reassuring," Inoichi hummed in doubt while the cashier flinched in terror when Kakashi tossed a bill on the counter for him.

As Kakashi reached for his bag of frozen peas, the cashier instantly backed away and dropped his gaze down to beneath the counter where a shotgun was likely kept there. Withholding a sigh, Kakashi crinkled his eyes and waved the bag of peas in front of the cashier as a silent 'thank you', but the poor guy eyed the peas like he thought he was about to be tortured with it.

With a roll of his eyes, Kakashi made his way out of the station and back to the motorcycle. The bag of peas was already dripping moisture beneath the hot sun but he went on to stuff it underneath his leather jacket, sandwiching the ice-cold bag against his shoulder. While he hadn't sprained anything, his bruise already felt as nasty as it looked.

"I'm not going to interrogate her, Inoichi," Kakashi reassured the FBI agent. The man's paternal instincts were strong, and though Kakashi lacked them, he could still relate to the urge to play it safe with Sakura. "I'm well aware Miss Haruno is just a girl—an innocent one at that. I'll only be asking her some simple questions."

Again, Inoichi hesitated for a moment longer before capitulating with a grunt. "Fine, she's in your hands. But look, Kakashi, you can't do this again."

"Do what?"

"Break into people's houses and exact justice of your own accord."

"I didn't break in. I knocked," Kakashi said a bit too innocently.

"You know what I mean." Inoichi's voice had taken on a rough edge now—the kind reserved for when he was lecturing his men when they were acting like numbskulls making stupid mistakes at the cost of lives. "There are rules to this. Laws. And I hate to say this, but you're no longer a Black Ops commander. You don't have the authority. Even if you were still in Anbu, this wouldn't be in your jurisdiction unless it's made so. Your jurisdiction is deep behind enemy lines. Not in your colleague's living room."

Sounds like enemy lines to me. "From my personal experience, the FBI often works hand-in-hand with the military. And you hire ex-military all the time," Kakashi said after stealing another look at his surroundings to make sure no one was listening in.

"You may be ex-military, but you're not FBI. This isn't your game to play."

"That's why I called you about Mizuki."

"And that's why Mizuki's nose and arm are broken, and he's suffered multiple facial fractures, and lost a handful of teeth?"

"I could have castrated him?" Kakashi suggested with a bite of sarcasm. He was beginning to tire of this back and forth.

On the other end, he could practically hear Inoichi trying to rub away the frown creasing his forehead. "Listen, if you want back in the playing field, you know that the FBI will always welcome you in with open arms. It's not the military, but you've worked with us before and your set of skills would still be valuable to us. Hell, some of the lads here would get on their knees and beg for you to join. Probably cream their pants while doing it," he chuckled while Kakashi's mouth remained sealed and straight. "They practically worship you, y'know. The legendary White Wolf."

The White Wolf is dead, Kakashi wanted to remind him. He was just the Scarecrow now.

"And truth be told," Inoichi continued, "I could really use your help on this Sharingan case. My men and I have been pulling up either dead or on dead ends for the past years."

"So grab someone from Anbu."

"Yeah, maybe I'll grab some carrots, too, for tonight's dinner," Inoichi replied, voice dripping with that same dose of sarcasm Kakashi had just given him. "You know I can't just do that. Also, Anbu hasn't been the same since your unit—" he paused, and Kakashi waited for him to finish that sentence. "Since you left," Inoichi amended. "I need an ex-Anbu member who has time on his hands. Who has experience in infiltration and covert ops. Who knows the local gangs, drug cartels, and the land. I need you, Kakashi."

Feeling his jaw clench harder, Kakashi scrubbed a hand across and leaned against his motorcycle to take a moment. The peas were mushy now, so he drew it out from beneath his jacket and tossed it into the trash can sitting between the gas dispensers.

"Did Shikaku put you up to this?" he murmured as he watched another car pull into the station.

"No, but Shikaku also agrees that you're wasting your talent in teaching when you could be more effective on the field. He knows teaching is not really your thing anyway."

"It's boring," Kakashi admitted. Waiting for a student besides Sakura to answer his questions in class really felt like watching paint dry sometimes. "But... Dr. Sarutobi thinks it's what I need."

And, if he had to be honest, he liked being able to walk around campus without feeling as if a target was on his back. It was also nice waking up in the morning to an alarm and not to the sound of screaming bombs or raining bullets. Most of all, he really enjoyed taking hot, indoor showers rather than outdoor showers in freezing temperatures. At least he didn't have to bathe with his carbine rifle anymore, or leap out of the shower buck-naked to return fire against enemy soldiers creeping in on the camp. He'd come close to dying with his dick out way too many times.

"So has teaching children... helped?" Inoichi asked slowly, carefully, knowing very well that he was walking on eggshells with this conversation topic. When Kakashi didn't answer, he said, "If you want my advice, I think you need to attend your therapy sessions. I know you've been skipping on them. You know that taking your medication isn't enough, Kakashi."

Ah, he'd forgotten how the Yamanakas were practically mind readers.

He gripped his gloves tighter but kept his voice level and calm. "I've been working as a teacher for the past months. Isn't that enough?"

If Inoichi sensed his ire on the other end, he didn't comment on it. "Hiruzen gave you the teaching position because I'm sure he's also aware that you've been refusing your mandated therapy, including your physical therapy. You realize you can be arrested for that, right? But the boys in blue respect you too much to do that."

Kakashi wanted to argue that he almost got a parking ticket the other day while on a lunch break from tailing Mizuki.

"I understand what Hiruzen's trying to do for you," Inoichi said, "but teaching isn't therapy."

The message was loud and clear, and Kakashi couldn't help but scowl at his own reflection in the mirror hanging above the gas pump. "You know I hate the hospital."

"And yet you go there every week to see your teammate, and I bet you went this morning too." Hearing Kakashi's stunned silence, Inoichi grunted. "No, I don't keep tabs on you. But I work in the FBI, so I kinda know how to get a read on people. Especially friends. You're a hard read, but not impossible."

Kakashi stole a look around the gas station, feeling like Inoichi was watching him now even though the entire lot was empty... save for the cashier guy who'd come out to use the bathroom. Kakashi waved at him, prompting the young man to rush away.

"Then you know my answer is no," Kakashi stated even as his conviction wavered within. "I can't get back on the field. I got discharged from the military because I was deemed too..." he struggled for some sort of euphemism to band-aid the shame, "mentally unstable."

Ugh, that really didn't sound any better.

"Kakashi, complex PTSD is common among soldiers like you. It's nothing to be ashamed of," Inoichi reassured him with that same soothing tone usually reserved for his clients when he was a psychologist. Kakashi hated that tone. "If you attended your therapy sessions, you would see much more progress in your treatment."

Yeah, he'd heard that same spiel several years ago and he really didn't need another professional reciting it again. If it didn't help then, he figured it wouldn't help him now. Besides, it wasn't just his PTSD that he was ashamed of...

"There's no fixing me," he mumbled, more to himself than to his old colleague. "There's no fixing what I did."

"There's no fixing anything, Kakashi. But you can still find healing."

But did he deserve that? After all he'd done? After all the people who'd died because of him? He knew the answer to that, and the ghosts that haunted him in his dreams and waking nightmares liked to remind him every damn day.

Kakashi shook his head. "Even after therapy—granted that it works and I... get better—returning to active duty still won't be easy for me."

"Do you even still want to?"

Surprised that Inoichi would ask that question, Kakashi didn't answer immediately. Of course he still wanted to return to active duty. The military was the only life he knew. Taking orders was the only thing that had really kept him going after the incident. Even if he wanted to have a normal life outside the military, he'd spent so many years as a soldier that he no longer knew how to live like a civilian. He didn't know how to see in black and white as most people did when he'd often been forced to see only shades of grey, choosing the lesser evil rather than right over wrong.

And then there was Sakura...

Perhaps Shikaku had been right, and Sarutobi wrong. Teaching obviously wasn't suited for him when he couldn't maintain a professional distance from his own student.

"Of course I want to return to the field," Kakashi confirmed. "But I want to go back to solo missions. No more teams or partners. But you know that no sane C.O. would ever approve of that. It'll be impossible to return."

"It'll be easier to get back on the field than you think since your reputation precedes you."

"You mean my reputation as the 'friend-killer'," Kakashi muttered under his breath.

"As the White Wolf," Inoichi insisted, but Kakashi silently pulled a face at the moniker when they both knew that wasn't who he was anymore. "Listen, you and I both know that incident wasn't your fault."

"You read my file. You know it is."

"I did read your file, but OPERATION: CASTLE BLACK was a—"

"Failure," Kakashi spoke through clenched teeth. "Because of me."

At his side, he dug his fingers into the warm leather seat of the motorcycle. Inoichi had fallen silent, no doubt trying to figure out what to say to that while also trying to avoid rehashing the same thing everyone else had already said.

"You can't keep blaming yourself for that one little mistake," Inoichi tried, but Kakashi would have nothing of it.

He took his helmet and stared at the reflection on the polished surface of the black kevlar. The man he saw in that reflection wasn't dressed in a shirt and leather jacket though. He was dressed in tactical gear coated in dust and blood, the tantō he gripped in one hand gleamed red instead of silver, and his rueful left eye wept with blood that would eventually be wiped away to leave behind a permanent scar.

That same scar was starting to ache now as if the memory of that day had literally reopened the old wound and others more. He lifted his free hand to trace the puckered pink line slashed down his eye, feeling the scar burn with a vengeance. Exactly what he deserved.

The sudden shake of his reflection snapped Kakashi out of his thoughts. His hand was shaking again. He squeezed his helmet hard to still the trembling, but it wouldn't stop. It never did.

"That one little mistake cost me everything, Inoichi" he croaked out as a bitterness filled his mouth and soaked into every word.

"You thought you were doing the right thing. A good thing," his friend argued back. "Nobody could have known what would happen. There's nobody to blame."

Why? Why did everyone insist on sparing his feelings when it didn't change the damn truth?

"I was team leader," Kakashi reminded him, his voice trembling just like his hand now. "They were my responsibility."

"Kakashi, you couldn't have known about the—"

"I gotta go. There's, uh... There's a grandpa stealing candy from a kid," he mumbled the first excuse that came to mind, sick to his stomach now and even a little lightheaded. "Oh no, he's beating the kid up with his cane now."

"What?"

"Good luck on the Sharingan case, Inoichi, and thanks for taking care of Mizuki for me."

"Kaka—"

He ripped off the Bluetooth earpiece, almost crushing the device in his grip. The weight on his shoulders was bearing down on him. It almost felt like he was back in the academy, hauling 100 pounds of weapons and gear on his back while marching 14 miles in under 3 hours. He would prefer that though over the memory of debris weighing down on him and trapping him with all the corpses.

Leaning against the motorcycle, Kakashi sucked in deep breaths in a struggle to calm the frenzied beat of his heart. He'd left his medication at home, but now wasn't a good time to drive back and get it. Not when his fingers were going numb and his head swam between the present time of reality and the nightmares of the past that haunted him.

'You can't keep blaming yourself for that one little mistake.'

Kakashi stared down at his shaking hand. He could still feel the weight of his tantō, heavy under his fingers and slippery with fresh blood.

'You're too late, Scarecrow...'

Everyone kept saying it wasn't his fault, but the people he truly needed to hear those words from were already long gone.


A/N: PLEASE READ!

1) I spent hiatus making edits to some future chapters and revising the entire ending, and there is some content I've decided to remove for the sake of tightening up the story since it's already long enough as it is. The removed content will be turned into deleted scenes you will be able to read exclusively on my Tumblr. Luckily for y'all, you do NOT need a Tumblr account to view the bonus content. When there is bonus content or a deleted scene, I will provide a link in this AN section and all you do is click on the link to view it.

Here is an example! I've written a breakdown on the private conversation held between Mizuki and Sakura from Chapter 16 – think of it as like a director's commentary but the writer's version of it. The breakdown analyzes bits of dialogue, action, and details to explain how Mizuki was acting like a nice guy to disguise his true intentions. Because this site does not allow me to embed links, the best I can do is provide this part of the link /post/672117635055484928/the-anatomy-of-a-scene-mizukis-predatory and you copy/paste it right after typing in Tumblr - dot - com.

Or just visit me on Tumblr at tcookies777 and search for the tag "the anatomy of a scene" to find the post. Or send me an Ask if you need help finding the link/post - I promise I don't bite!

Sorry for the hassle, but it's just impossible to link stuff on this site anymore. Otherwise, make sure to always check the AN here for any bonus content I may link you to.

2) I am unable to return to my weekly update schedule, but I'm aiming for bi-weekly. Regarding my family's health crisis, my family member has been diagnosed with a lifelong disability, so my family and I are learning to cope & adjust to the new changes in our lives. While I cannot update as frequently, I'll do my best to update regularly :) Also, thank you so much for all your patience and support during my hiatus!

With that said, thank you for reading (and checking out my analysis post on Tumblr) and happy holidays! I will see you in the next chapter!


Tumblr: tcookies777

Twitter: Rey_OrganaSolo

AO3: TCOOKIES777