Harry had frozen. He pulled back and moved from seating against Ron's lap to sitting on the bed. His mouth felt dry. Ron looked very worried.
"I-I mean," he sputtered nervously, "Sorry. I didn't mean to say that, I just…it came out." His voice was shaking.
"Oh…Ron," Harry said, he had no idea what to say.
"No it's okay," Ron said quickly, "Forget it."
Harry was numb. He couldn't remember a time where anyone in his life had said 'I love you' to him. He wasn't even sure he knew what love felt like. He supposed he loved his parents, sure. And his godfather. But that was family. And he had always thought of Ron as family, but clearly that was out of the window now.
Ron just sat, looking terrified. But Harry didn't know if he was terrified of what he had said, or how Harry was responding. Or, not responding. Ron had grown up in a warm family who probably expressed feelings and affection. Harry, the opposite. He had grown up shut off, cold.
"I…" He choked out, "Ron…"
"Don't." Ron said quickly, "Just…you don't have to say it, okay?" He was looking down, hands fiddling with the blanket. "Can you…can you just go, please?"
Harry couldn't move. As much as he wanted to relieve himself and Ron of this moment, he didn't want to leave things like this. He didn't know if Ron would let any of this continue if he did, and Harry needed it. He couldn't let go of Ron. Ron was his. Ron was completely devoted to him. Loved him. And how could Harry have ever considered letting that go? He cleared his throat and said quietly,
"No. I'm not leaving."
Ron looked up, Harry felt his chest constrict as he noticed the glistening in Ron's eyes. They were tears. But he looked like he was trying very hard not to let them fall. Harry stood and walked around to where he was standing near Ron's head. He leaned down and placed his hand under Ron's chin, tilting his face up towards him. As controlled as possible, Harry placed a gentle kiss on his lips and said softly,
"I love you, too."
[][][][][][][]
Harry barely slept that night. He couldn't shake the guilt. He had said the words, but had no clue if he actually meant them. But he didn't have time to think. When he got dressed and met Hermione in the common room they headed to the entrance hall near the giant hourglasses, where they were greeted by all of the Gryffindor quidditch team, and Fred and George, who were crowded around Ron, who was beaming. He looked stronger, and healthier, and seemed to be glowing. He grinned broadly when he saw Harry, and Harry felt yet another twinge of guilt.
"Ron!" exclaimed Hermione, rushing forward, "We were supposed to come get you." She hugged him tightly and he winced, apparently still in some discomfort.
"Team beat you to it," he explained as she kissed his cheek.
"We need him on the field," Angelina said with a laugh, "We're struggling without our star Keeper."
"I bet," Harry said stepping forward, "Good to see you on your feet."
"Still a bit shaky but I'll get there," Ron replied, "Hopefully the Slytherins don't try to take me out, too."
"They have every reason to," Fred chuckled, "They're about to get their asses beat."
"Alright alright," Ginny said to the team briskly, "Madame Pompfrey said he can have normal days now but he has to sit as much as possible, let's get you to breakfast."
Ron did seem to be walking gingerly as he headed toward the Great Hall. Harry and Hermione flanked him on either side, Hermione had her hand on his back, looking worried, and Ron did not complain. But once he was sitting he looked pale, and stared at his food apprehensively.
"You okay?" Harry asked, he was suddenly unsure if Ron should have left the hospital wing yet.
"Yep," Ron replied firmly, "I needed out of there."
He ate a few bites before giving up. Harry and Hermione walked with him toward Potions. In the Dungeons Ron leaned against a stone wall with a large exhale, his eyes squeezing shut.
"Ron," Hermione said worriedly, "Do you want to go back? You're clearly in pain."
"I'm fine," he assured her.
Ron managed to make it through the morning, but at lunch he refused to eat. He still looked pale. Fred and George joined them with Lee Jordan.
"Doing alright, Ron?" George asked.
"Rough first day," Ron muttered, resting his head on one hand and sliding his plate away.
"Rough night as well?" Fed suddenly asked slyly, "I see your lady suitor visited you last night."
Ron's head snapped up and his hand went to his neck. He blushed slightly but smiled.
"Maybe," he said slowly.
Hermione scoffed indignantly next to Harry and he looked over. Her gaze was fixed on her untouched plate.
"Reckon she thought you needed some cheering up, eh?" George joked.
"Can't stay away," Ron said with a shrug.
The boys all laughed, while Hermione and Ginny looked mildly irritated. Harry felt some of his guilt ease. He could do this. He could. They were laughing and joking. No one would suspect anything.
"So," Lee was saying, snapping Harry out of his thoughts, "Are we ever going to know who this little minx is?"
Ron hesitated, then shook his head. "Maybe if it gets serious," he said noncommittally.
[][][][][][][]
"Not here."
Later that night Ron and Harry had headed to their dorm early. And as soon as the door shut Ron had leaned against it, pulling Harry close by his shirt and had started kissing him.
"We're alone," Ron murmured against his lips, he slid a hand to the back of Harry's head, grabbing a fistful of hair and pulling his head back.
"For…now…" Harry tried to say, but Ron's forceful kissing along his neck was making it difficult, his brain was going foggy.
"They can't get in," Ron replied with a quiet laugh, "And I've wanted to do this all day." He dropped his hand and then slid both up the back of Harry's shirt.
"Just…we have to be careful," Harry muttered, he didn't want to stop but someone could try to get in at any moment. Ron dug his nails into Harry's back and bit his bottom lip gently, making Harry shudder and moan slightly. Ron was being more aggressive than was typical for Jim, and Harry found himself enjoy it despite himself.
"I'm being careful," Ron retorted, "Do you want me to stop?"
"No," Harry sighed truthfully, "I don't." He shoved Ron against the door and began undoing the buttons on his shirt. "But," he planted a kiss on Ron's lips, "You don't forget who's in charge here, love." He undid the last button and kissed Ron's chest.
"Never," breathed Ron, resting his head back on the door, then shuddered as Harry bit him rather hard under the collarbone.
They both froze when they heard voices, then chuckled in relief when they heard no footsteps coming up the stairs. But trying to be careful to not get caught seemed to excite both of them. Harry pulled Ron's shirt off and stopped for a moment when he noticed Ron's left shoulder and upper arm were still very bruised.
"I'm okay," Ron told him, sensing the worry, he tilted Harry's head up by the chin and kissed him, "You're not hurting me. Don't stop."
Harry smiled and raised an eyebrow. Ron grinned back and added,
"Please."
"That's what I thought." Harry ran a finger along the waistband of Ron's pants, desperately wanting to undo them, but that would be going too far. "Damn." He muttered, closing his eyes for a moment, then opening and looking at Ron. "We have to stop."
"Why?" Ron asked, almost whining.
"Because," Harry whispered, kissing along Ron's jaw, "If we keep going I'm going to throw you on that bed and fuck you senseless."
Ron shivered, then after a moment replied,
"Okay. I guess…"
"Don't pout," Harry told him, then pulled him away from the door by his hips, "You'll get it soon."
Ron turned slightly red, suddenly looking shy in a way that made Harry not really care who might enter the room at any moment. Ron turned away from him, and Harry felt a strange emotion run through him that he couldn't put a finger on. As Ron stepped toward his bed Harry walked over and put a hand on his uninjured shoulder, Ron looked up.
"Hey," Harry said as Ron turned to face him, Harry placed a hand on his face and ran a thumb over his cheek, "You know I love you, right?" that familiar guilty feeling fluttered through his gut for a moment but he brushed it off.
"Yeah," Ron said, smiling softly, "I know." Harry couldn't help but notice Ron looked kind of sad. "I love you too. I really do."
And something about the way Ron said it sent Harry to bed feeling like he was a very, truly horrible person.
