The Anatomy of Love

Written By: Banana007

Chapter 22: Dangerous Waters


The aroma of the coffee shop was bitter today. Bitter and rancid as if the coffee beans had been burnt and the paper cups of all the customers were filled with coffee grounds. Kakashi was already on edge this morning since leaving the motel at the crack of dawn, but his mood had soured even more when he'd stepped into the coffee shop and was greeted by the stench rather than the usual earthy notes.

Although he had no one to blame but himself. He'd been the one to choose this little café that had once sported a more homely look with worn bookshelves tucked into every corner and fraying velvet couches at the tables instead of the hard metal chair he sat on now.

He leaned back in that chair as a young waitress—college-age, it looked like—quickly bounded over to him for his order.

Almost blinded by her peppiness and customer smile that was too bright this early in the morning (technically almost noon), Kakashi rubbed at his temples first before ordering a plain black coffee. She left before he could finish considering whether to order a second cup to get him through the afternoon. He had a feeling he would need that extra dose of caffeine to survive the whole day, especially when he hadn't had a wink of sleep last night.

With a sigh, Kakashi lifted his wrist to check the time. The first time he's not late to a meeting and he's the one waiting for the other person.

"How much did you drink last night?"

Speak of the devil.

A hand gently touched his shoulder and Kakashi glanced over to meet Jiraiya's warm smile. "Not much," he mumbled, watching his former professor settle down on the other side of the table. "Why do you ask?"

Jiraiya waved the waitress over before giving Kakashi a blatant once-over as if the answer was obvious. "Well, it's about to be lunchtime but you look like you could use more coffee," he answered, and Kakashi suddenly felt too self-conscious to not run a hand through the hair he'd tried to tame this morning. "Or was last night that much fun?"

Kakashi looked over to a young couple taking a photo of their drinks. "It was the usual."

"Oh?" A sleazy smile accompanied the twinkle in Jiraiya's eyes as the older man leaned in closer. "The boys told me you took home quite the bombshell last night. I was hoping you could tell me the details. For research of course."

"She was beautiful," Kakashi told him. "Nice curves."

"Oh? Then why does your face look like you accidentally got her pregnant?"

Kakashi whipped his attention back to Jiraiya whose smile had subsided into a soft smirk. "You know I'm strict on protection," Kakashi said tersely, less than amused by the joke.

Jiraiya raised his hands in a placating gesture. "I know, I know! You always make sure to do the pill and the condom." He crossed his arms and squinted at Kakashi through the narrow frames of his glasses. "So what happened then?"

What happened? Well, he'd tried to leave shortly after his shower, hoping that Yua would be knocked out cold for him to slip away and into the night. Instead, he'd stepped out of the shower to find Yua awake and holding his clothes hostage because she wanted to have a... what did she call it again? Ah, yes—a 'heart-to-heart' conversation.

Which Kakashi didn't do. Ever. Not when it came to his heart at least.

He wasn't the kind of guy who liked to cuddle after sex or talk about where their relationship could go from here. He'd always been the kind of guy who preferred to keep people at arm's length, and that included during sex too. Either Yua hadn't got the hint or she'd thought she could just get him to lower his guard with the seductive sway of her hips.

Kakashi shook his head. "She wanted something I couldn't give to her."

Something that he couldn't give to anyone... or anyone left alive, that is. Not when all the fragments of his heart lay buried six feet under a withering bouquet of white lilies.

Jiraiya leaned in closer, but Kakashi was no longer that young and eager kid who drank in every wise word the older man spouted. He certainly didn't want to listen to those 'words of wisdom' right now, so he cleared his throat and reached around his chair to dig a hand into the satchel hanging by him. "Here, I've finished the final draft."

He slid the manila folder across the table just as the waitress from earlier returned with their coffee.

"Your coffee, Mr. Hatake," she said, her customer smile bordering on flirtatious as she leaned in a tad too close for comfort to place his steaming mug by his hand.

Kakashi didn't even have the energy to smile out of gratitude or politeness, and Jiraiya was quick to notice as he studied the interaction over the documents in his hand. The young woman's smile faltered when he merely nodded at the mug in front of him. As soon as she left, he took the mug and drained it halfway, letting the hot bitterness course down his throat. It settled hot and heavy in his stomach, mingling with the acrid bitterness that'd been percolating within him since Genma's question at the bar last night.

'Don't tell me you got yourself a girl already?'

A girl... That's right, Sakura was only a girl. A girl who had only just started her first year of college and hadn't even had her first kiss yet let alone her first boyfriend. Wasn't it only a few months ago that she'd still been in high school? And here he was, ruining the future of an innocent girl with her whole life ahead of her. Here he was, a ruined man trying to ruin her too.

Kakashi raised his coffee to hide the way he chuckled bitterly behind the mug.

"It's good," Jiraiya spoke up, capturing Kakashi's attention.

"But..?"

Jiraiya smiled wryly as he set the papers down on the table. "But it's lacking something. Depth. Feeling. Sincerity..." he trailed off before tilting his head at Kakashi. "Why did you kill off the protagonist?"

Kakashi's brow twitched as he thought the answer was obvious. "He's a killer. He's caused the deaths of many innocent people."

"He's also saved many people. Even if it was mostly unintentional or indirectly."

"That doesn't excuse his crimes and I can't imagine any of the characters would forgive him for what he's done."

"It doesn't have to be about forgiveness," Jiraiya shrugged. "Maybe it can be about healing."

There was something about that suggestion that made Kakashi scowl for just a second. "He's still a bad man," he reminded his old friend before taking a sip of coffee.

"A bad man?" Jiraiya tipped a brow at him, creasing the wrinkles on his weathered face. "Maybe that's what he is on the surface. On the inside, I see a tormented, misunderstood boy who is angry at the world because he loved too hard and lost too much. You took the easy way out by killing him off."

He knew very well it was only constructive criticism—which is what he'd been meeting Jiraiya for since the past few months. Still, Kakashi couldn't help but feel as if his former professor was criticizing him rather than the story he'd drafted. A story he'd struggled to put together through the dark haze that often clouded his mind when confined in the house or hospital.

It was one thing to read a story and pick apart what he liked or disliked about it—deconstructing the themes, analyzing the characters and their motivations, and even studying the writing style of Jiraiya's works. But crafting a story that was entirely his own? Spin ideas that were conceived from the darkest recesses of his mind?

That was a far more daunting task than he'd expected.

It felt like slicing his head open and letting people rifle through his brain. And for someone like Jiraiya who'd known Kakashi since he was a 10-year-old scoundrel smashing bricks into the heads of neighborhood bullies, the older man probably knew exactly what Kakashi had been thinking of when he wrote every line and dialogue.

"Listen to me," Jiraiya began, "I want you to take that man's guilt, his anger, and his pain… and just run with it. He redeemed himself in the end, but his story is far from complete. Redemption is a journey, and he's only just started."

"I'm redeeming him by letting him sacrifice himself," Kakashi grunted out.

"No, you're punishing him. The redemption of a character should very rarely be rewarded with death and usually it's when the character is already old."

"He is old."

A sharp laugh belted out of Jiraiya at that, prompting the people next to their table to glance his way. "Thirty is hardly old," he nodded to Kakashi. "Even thirty-one is nowhere near old. You get to my age and then you can start saying that's old. But this guy is still in his prime and is far from death when he's only just had his first sip of happiness."

"At least I let him finally kiss his love interest before he died. And he doesn't deserve the girl anyway," Kakashi argued, gesturing to the papers between them. "How can someone like him deserve any sort of happiness when so many people died because of his actions?"

"I would argue this character does deserve some happiness when all his life he's known only pain."

"He's a bad guy," Kakashi emphasized, half-tempted to spell the words out for him if that would drive his point deeper. "Bad people don't deserve happiness. If I put that out there then my readers will think I'm an abuse apologist."

That is if there was anyone who would even want to read his stories. And he still had to complete his manuscript first before even hoping to get published.

He jabbed a finger onto the top of the stack of papers. "No agent will want to take my story if I let the bad guy win."

"You're not letting the 'bad guy'," Jiraiya air quoted, "win—you're letting him live."

"And that's considered winning, which the audience won't be happy about."

Jiraiya's brows crinkled together and Kakashi could already feel the lecture coming on the moment his old professor asked, "So you're writing to please your readers, or you're writing to tell a story?"

There was a pregnant pause as Kakashi faltered at the trick question. For writers who wanted to make bank off their works, the answer was obvious. But for writers like Jiraiya who were artists at heart, loyal to nobody but the stories and their characters, the answer wasn't as black and white.

Kakashi took a pull of his coffee first. "Both," he eventually answered, choosing a more diplomatic approach.

Despite his patient smile still stuck on his face, Jiraiya looked on in disappointment. "You can't please everyone, Kakashi. There will always be some readers who will find something in your story to hate. Hate and anger are addicting like that—even euphoric. But for fictional characters like this guy here," he tapped a finger against Kakashi's manuscript, "it's also what makes characters like him so compelling. Because while it's more complicated in the real world, here, you can let this man have redemption. You can let him have happiness. You can teach young people that everybody makes mistakes—some worse than others—but what matters is that you learn from those mistakes. You acknowledge what you did and grow from it to take responsibility. But you can't grow as a person when you're dead."

His fingers had tightened around the ceramic mug of his coffee as the wise man's words sunk into Kakashi's head. "He doesn't deserve happiness," he muttered aloud.

"Well, he doesn't deserve death."

"Maybe death is all I know!" Kakashi snapped at him.

The low hubbub of the coffee shop seemed to drop the moment those words spilled out of his mouth. It felt as if every eye had turned onto him although Kakashi remained glowering at the pitch-black liquid of his coffee gently sloshing in his grip. His murky reflection glared back at him, seemingly joining in on the scathing looks everyone around him were giving right now.

It felt like a death sentence, the way everyone stared in accusation. The way they all muttered 'friend-killer' behind his back or under their breaths. Kakashi could hear those words through the dull ringing in his ears—he could feel the words add more weight to the crushing pressure against his chest, the sensation reminiscent of the rubble crushing him that day and the dust clogging his lungs.

Can't... breathe...

Jiraiya was saying—no, asking—something, but Kakashi ignored him as he hurriedly rummaged through his satchel for a bottle of pills. The tablets in the orange bottle rustled painfully loud as he popped the lid off and dumped one pill onto his hand to break in half. He threw the pill into his mouth and washed it down with his coffee, relishing in the heat soothing the cold sweat that had started to run down his back.

Jiraiya watched him from the other side of the table, his fingers laced beneath his chin as he waited for Kakashi to stop eyeing the windows and entrances of the shop and to finish catching his breath.

"You know, the beauty of storytelling is that there are no rules," Jiraiya said quietly once Kakashi's coffee stopped sloshing around in his grip. "Sure, there is the suspension of disbelief, but it's not so hard to believe that a bad guy can become good... Do you remember what was one of the first things I taught you when you took my Creative Writing class all those years ago?"

Kakashi passed a hand down his face, scrubbing away any evidence that he'd been one second away from another attack. "Stories are nonlinear," he answered, voice low with exhaustion. "You can do whatever you want."

Jiraiya nodded at him, his studious gaze softening with sympathy for the man he still saw as that little boy who hid his teary eyes behind books. "That's right, you can write whatever you want. So how this story ends is all up to you, Kakashi. I just want you to keep that in mind every time you write. And don't you mind those narrow-minded readers who clutch their pearls because they're horrified you don't adhere to their morals and think of the children. If art had rules, we'd all be sharing the same kind of stories over and over, and that's no fun. So tell the story you want to tell."

Thrumming his fingers along the table's edge, Kakashi mulled over his mentor's advice. He wanted to contend with the older man to explain that their names bore different reputations. Jiraiya was a prolific writer who'd established a house name in the world of adult romance, even signing some movie deals along the way. The Make-Out series didn't have several live-action adaptations, a spin-off tv show, and a comic in the works for nothing.

But even if Kakashi tried his hand at storytelling, he would always be first and foremost known as Commander Hatake of the Anbu Black Ops. With the way he'd already built a name for himself, there was no burying the past with the future. There was no escaping his demons with some mawkish story about love and redemption.

"Sorry, Jiraiya, I have to go," Kakashi said as he glanced at his watch.

"It's a Saturday. I thought you already visited the hospital this morning?"

"I did. It's..." He clamped a hand over the back of his neck, hesitant to explain he was meeting his underage student on a Saturday morning. "It's something else. Another appointment."

Jiraiya's eyes narrowed onto him, scrutinizing him like he'd done with the manuscript just earlier. "You have that face again. You're not meeting with that woman from last night, are you?" The dry look Kakashi gave him was all the answer Jiraiya needed, and he dismissed him with a wave of his hand. "All right, I understand. I'll see you next month then—and give that redemption storyline some thought, all right?"

Kakashi nodded as he grabbed his satchel and shook hands with his old friend. With his newly marked manuscript in hand, he hurried outside, eager to escape the burnt stench of coffee stagnant in the stuffy shop, and eager to put some distance before Jiraiya would realize he'd been left with the bill (again).

On his way to the university, he stopped by a shop window to check his appearance. There were dark shadows under his eyes that he doubted was a trick of the light. His hair stuck up more haphazardly than usual since he'd rushed home at the crack of dawn, fed his dogs, and took them out on a morning run. Hell, he hadn't even had the time to shower since his morning jog.

Tugging at the thin, black polyester of his jogging pants, Kakashi let his thoughts drift back to what Jiraiya had told him.

Tell the story I want to tell?

He slipped his sunglasses on and continued walking, his feet dragging with every step he took towards the campus. Towards Sakura.

Tell the story I want to tell...

Kakashi shook his head.

Easier said than done when the ending he wanted only left him feeling guilty for wanting it at all. Happy ever afters were for romance novels and fairytales. But he was no knight in shining armor winning the heart of the princess. He was more like a disgraced knight who deserved to be pelted with rocks and spat on when passing down the street. Characters like him in fictional stories either get beheaded or sacrifice themselves in repentance.

Although that was not the story Kakashi wanted to tell, it was the kind of story that made the most sense to him. Because outside of the endings in books, he no longer knew what happiness looked like.

And yet, if he had to be honest, spending time with Sakura often reminded him of the good ol' days. But if there was anything about the good ol' days, it was that they never lasted long with him around.


The sun washed warmly over her bare skin as Sakura stepped out of the pool and gently squeezed out the excess water from her hair.

On a Saturday morning, it was no surprise that hardly any students were using the gym today, and nobody had even visited the pool deck since Sakura arrived two hours ago. She'd greeted Tenten at the front desk with a million-watt smile, more excited to see her professor than her friend, which Tenten did not need to know, of course. Although Tenten did inquire about her unusual choice of outfit for today: an electric purple bikini she last wore during summer vacation.

Ino had been the one to buy her the bikini as a high school graduation gift, and while Sakura had once thought string bikini designs were too ostentatious for her taste, she couldn't resist wearing the two-piece swimsuit for today. Not particularly because she wanted Kakashi to see her in it, of course. Rather, she knew he would be late to their meeting (as usual), and so she decided to pass the extra hour by taking a nice swim in the pool before October came and the weather would be too cold for swimming.

And definitely not because she wanted Kakashi, her own professor who was twice her age, to see her in a bikini that was little more than tiny triangles that only covered the barest essentials.

As Sakura toweled her hair dry, she picked up her phone when it dinged with a text message.

Tenten: Hey! Gonna go on break

Tenten: Still at the pool?

Sakura frowned, not quite sure why she'd expected the text to be from Kakashi when he didn't even have her phone number. She tossed her towel back onto the lounge chair to type back a response.

Sakura: 👍

Sakura: Just finished a swim

Tenten: Great! Let's do a photoshoot!

She blinked at the random proposition.

Sakura: wait, now?

Tenten: sun's out, buns out!

Before Sakura could even formulate a solid argument for why now was not necessarily a good time to be having a photoshoot when Kakashi could be arriving any moment, Tenten was already bursting through the door that led from the gymnasium to the pool deck.

Her twin buns were slightly frazzled as if she'd spent the morning wiping down and returning the equipment yesterday's gym goers had left behind out of laziness. Even the green collar of her work uniform curled up at the corners as if she'd yet to wash the shirt.

But Tenten had always been a hard worker, probably thanks to working alongside the likes of Neji and Professor Guy. And Sakura couldn't find the courage to turn her friend down when the latter proposed to take photos of Sakura in her bikini.

That had not been part of the plan, but it wasn't as if Sakura could feign innocence when she hardly looked innocent in her swimsuit. She didn't know why Tenten suddenly wanted this photoshoot, nor did she suspect anything even when her friend directed her to pose in positions that left her with a healthy blush that she couldn't blame on the sun.

With every photo Tenten took of her, the more Sakura lost track of time as she found herself in deep concentration to maintain the positions and facial expressions she was directed to do. As it was now, she was in the pool and holding onto the ladder to create the illusion that she was just coming out. Her eyes were closed and lips gently parted with her face tilted back—a bit cliché, but neither of them were experts in photography, so they could only go by what they'd seen in magazines.

Besides, she looked sexy... according to Tenten, at least.

They took a break when Sakura's hair got too knotted by the water and wind. Sitting at the pool's edge together with their feet in the water, Sakura took the moment to finger comb her locks while Tenten studied the photos she'd taken.

"Ooh, this will be perfect for your Insta!"

Sakura leaned over to examine the photo, her jaw dropping open at the sight of herself laid down beside the lip of the pool. One of her slim legs was bent at the knee, but the angle gave the illusion that she had long legs like a runway model's despite her short height.

But it was really the expression she'd worn for the camera that shocked Sakura. With her half-lidded gaze directed at the camera, and delicate hands and rosy locks framing her face, she was the very picture of sultry and wanton. At the time, she'd been imagining Kakashi behind the camera. Could she make it any more obvious that she'd been thinking about him?

Sakura gave Tenten a frantic shake of her head. "I can't post these on my socials!"

For one thing, her bikini barely covered her. For another thing—it was totally obvious she was thinking something perverted!

Tenten looked at her like she was the crazy one here. "Why not? You look smoking hot! Besides, you haven't updated your profile picture since, like, junior high! You don't want your first hookup to think you're a prepubescent girl when he looks you up, do you?"

Ah, so that's why the sudden photoshoot.

Sakura still cringed in response. Tenten had a point, but Sakura had never been one for social media anyway. She'd always been too busy either working a part-time job or studying late into the night for academics. There was never any time to scroll through social media and, when there was time, she always regretted doing so. She regretted seeing her friends share stories of them having dinner with their families, playing games with their siblings, or being taught life skills by their aunts and uncles.

It always made her feel left out, seeing her friends enjoy life with their families. It always made her feel envious of what they had.

Especially on holidays. And especially on birthdays.

She sighed and kicked at the water hard to watch it splash high into the air.

"By the way, you know Neji's frat party at the beginning of October?" Tenten asked, her eyes still glued to the pictures on her phone. "Ino said she found you a cute date for the party. Do you know who he is yet?"

Sakura gaped at her friend before turning her stare to her reflection in the water. She'd been so caught up with Kakashi that she'd completely forgotten about Neji's upcoming frat party and that Ino had been searching for a date for Sakura.

Back then, she'd been excited for it. Hopeful that with Ino's help, she could nab her first boyfriend. But now... why did that idea fill her with only dread?

"Sakura?" She felt a nudge at her side.

"Oh, um, no," she answered before returning her attention to her friend. "Why? Do you know him?"

Tenten shook her head. "Ino wouldn't say, but don't you want to know?"

A few weeks ago, she did want to know. Now Sakura wasn't so sure anymore.

Kicking her feet back and forth in the water, she bit her lip and shrugged. "Ino said it wouldn't be a good idea for me to know early on. You know, in case I freak out."

Tenten nodded slowly. "She did say he's a senior on the verge of graduation. Apparently he's going to medical school. Sounds like a prospective boyfriend to me," she said with a waggle of her brows and a playful nudge against Sakura.

"Hmm..."

"You don't sound excited?"

Sakura blinked out of her thoughts to meet her friend's concerned gaze. "N-No, I am excited!" she said with an awkward chuckle. "I just... I'm a little nervous about meeting him, that's all. You know I'm not good at chatting up random boys at parties."

"Don't worry, Ino knows all your likes and dislikes!" Tenten said with a reassuring pat on the back that did nothing to appease the anxiety twisting in Sakura's gut. "She knows what your preference with boys is."

But she doesn't know that I prefer men, Sakura thought to herself, not boys.

As if sensing Sakura sulking, Tenten smiled wryly and added, "Besides, apparently you left an impression on Lee at the other party. Last I heard from Neji, he still wants to suck your face off. I think he has an actual crush on you!"

"Yay me," Sakura muttered before pinching her nose to throw herself into the pool.

The warm depths pulled her in as she allowed herself to sink further and further, the world melting away to leave her alone. Folding her legs against her chest, she hugged her knees to herself as she let the deafening silence fill her ears.

The frat party would be another chance to meet a cute guy and score at least a date with him. Maybe even a kiss. Really, she should be thanking Ino for working so hard to screen countless candidates for her. And yet, all Sakura wanted to do was run to bed and hide under her blanket.

Despite telling Ino that she was fine after what happened with Mizuki, she'd neglected to inform her friend that she now had misgivings when it came to guys she didn't know. How could she trust a guy she just met with her body let alone her heart when Mizuki—a guy she was supposed to have been able to trust—had tried to take advantage of her?

Besides her friends, the only guy Sakura trusted now was Kakashi. Unfortunately, he was the exact kind of guy she was not allowed to date.

Feeling the last bubbles of her oxygen escape her, Sakura opened her eyes and made a beeline for the rays of light shining above her. Once her head broke through the surface, she swept back the wet locks clinging to her face before rubbing the chlorinated water from her eyes.

"Tenten, could you get my towel?" she asked, blinking through the irritation in her eyes. There was no answer as she made a blind swim for the ladder, her eyes tearing up slightly. "Tenten?"

Just as she thought her friend had left to return to her work station, her fluffy white towel was presented to her. She mumbled her thanks and quickly grabbed the towel to pat her face dry of tears and the pool water.

"How much longer is your break?" she asked with her face still buried into the towel.

"Your friend had to go back since her break ended."

She froze for a second, and then jerked her head up only to yelp at the sight of Kakashi staring down at her from behind a pair of dark sunglasses. She instinctively jolted back, but her hand gripping the wet rung of the ladder slipped from the momentum as did her feet.

Her whole body tilted back before a hand caught her by the wrist and pulled her up safely onto the deck. Before Kakashi could ask if she was all right, Sakura hauled herself to her feet, chuckling awkwardly as she ran a hand through her hair to collect herself. Her chuckles died into a hiss as her fingers snagged a newly formed knot.

"You came early," she said, scratching her head to disguise the way she was trying to untangle her hand from her hair.

He gave her a weird look. "I'm an hour late."

"O-Oh yeah..."

Her fingers slipped free of her tangled locks and Sakura crossed both arms over her front, suddenly self-conscious of how exposed she was even though she'd intentionally dressed like this. But standing before Kakashi now, she was all too aware of her small chest barely covered by the thin scraps of cloth. Her cleavage was practically non-existent, and with the way her tangled hair dripped down her shoulders, she probably looked more like a drowned rat than the sexy swimsuit model she'd been aiming for.

Behind his dark shades, Kakashi stared down at her, his face more stony than it usually was. Or maybe it was just the sunglasses—it was really hard to tell when practically his whole face was obscured by both the sunglasses and the mask.

A long sigh escaped Kakashi and he looked away from her to survey the deck. With Tenten having returned to work, they were completely alone now. Only the occasional bass of the music thumping within the gym could be heard, but otherwise they were afforded as much privacy as they could have outside.

Rocking on the balls of her feet, Sakura waited for Kakashi to say something. Anything. But his jaw was clenched, and the biceps of his arms strained against the sleeves of the plain white shirt he wore. And was it her imagination but was he looking everywhere but at her?

"Kakashi-sensei?" she called out softly as she smiled and bent over at the waist to sneak a peek behind his shades.

She glimpsed dark circles beneath his eyes before he turned to her, the change in angle obscuring his gaze again.

"I think we should cancel today's lessons."

The smile dropped from her face and Sakura gawked at him for a hot second, not sure if she'd heard him right. "What? Why?"

"It's because you're..."

He seemed to struggle for his choice of words, and Sakura couldn't help but cross her arms and tap her foot impatiently against the warm cement. She'd spent all morning carefully applying waterproof mascara and turning her closet inside out in search for this swimsuit. Then she'd spent the last two hours swimming and patiently biding her time for him. Only so that he could tell her their plans were cancelled. And he couldn't even tell her why?

But the longer Sakura waited for him to come up with some sort of bullshit excuse, the more she felt his gaze heavy—not on her face, but on her body. Slowly, she uncrossed her arms. More out of shock rather than intention.

He's... checking me out?

As if confirming her suspicions, his chin dipped down ever so slightly as if behind his shades he'd dragged his eyes down to her legs. A shiver ran through her followed by a familiar aching heat that started to build low in her stomach.

She bit her lip and just that small action seemed to prompt him to look away.

"I'm not sure your attire is..." Kakashi ran a hand through his hair and Sakura didn't need his shades off to see that he was frustrated. "It's inappropriate for training."

Her brows shot up as critique was the last thing she'd expected from him. Never before had he criticized her, and certainly not her clothes.

"Is there something wrong?" Sakura asked, knowing very well that something was indeed wrong or else Kakashi wouldn't look so conflicted with every muscle of his body taut with tension and... the tips of his ears red.

Oh.

It wasn't that he hated her attire; it was that he liked it. A bit too much, judging by the way she felt his eyes stray back to her despite his face turned aside.

She shook her head, split between relief that the bikini had caught his attention as planned and ire that he'd tried to cancel their plans over something as small as this. "Women get sexually assaulted or harassed no matter what they wear," Sakura reminded him, propping her hands against her hips to put her whole self on display for him. "And if I'm wearing a bikini then that makes me even more vulnerable, so I think this is a perfectly appropriate attire, Sensei."

Kakashi's ears reddened even further, and she suppressed a gleeful smile as she took a step closer so that he could get a better look at her.

"Besides," Sakura tucked a wet lock behind an ear as she peered up at him through her lashes, "didn't you want to teach me self-defense so that I could protect myself?"

As expected, he turned his face back to her, letting his eyes settle over her figure.

Ah, got you.

Of course, when it came to her safety, she knew now that he just couldn't stay away. He was far too good a man to neglect her like that, and she was too bad a girl to not take advantage of it. And as she watched Kakashi retreat into the gym to grab mats for today's lessons, Sakura finally allowed her lips to curl into a pleased smile.

…. Which was eventually wiped away when Kakashi slammed her onto her back for the fifth time that day.

She stared up at the clouds idling peacefully ahead before Kakashi's face popped into view.

He offered his hand to her. "Get up."

It wasn't his strict tone that had her scowling but her sore tailbone throbbing in protest as she sat up and clambered to her feet. They'd first began the lesson with reviewing what Kakashi had taught her last time. He'd praised her at first, impressed that she still remembered the exact moves of how to shake off a would-be assailant.

When he'd moved onto teaching her how to disarm someone wielding a knife or a gun, she'd passed that with flying colors too. But apparently she'd gotten too smug and had challenged him for something more advanced like how to throw someone over her shoulder if she got attacked from behind.

Which was how she ended up getting slammed to the ground a sixth time as Kakashi had to demonstrate for her again how to do the move.

"You're too tall and I'm too small," Sakura grunted out as she was hauled back to her feet.

With his shades off for the lesson, she could see the hard glint in Kakashi's eyes as he wagged his finger at her. "Size doesn't matter here. You're just not coming close to me enough. I told you, you need to pull me in so that I roll off your shoulder."

Sakura's brow twitched but she held back from frowning as they got into position again. She was pretty sure he was the one not coming close enough to her. It seemed every time Kakashi maneuvered to her backside where he was supposed to wrap his arms around her, he did everything he could to avoid just that. Instead, his arms were like noodles limply draping across her shoulders.

Like right now.

His breath blew warm across the nape of her neck, stirring the little hairs there and yet his left arm hovered at her side while his right arm was slung over her shoulder like they were pals having a good time. This time, Sakura really did want to throw him out of sheer annoyance over his attitude.

Seriously, what was with him today?

"Well?" Kakashi asked from behind. His voice was strung tight like he was the one impatient with her and wanted the whole lesson to be over with already.

Sakura bit back a sharp retort. Hadn't this self-defense thing been his idea in the first place?

She moved her hand to touch the back of his, readying herself to throw him. His fingers twitched, one of them grazing the swell of her breast. She gasped at the delightful sensation, and she swore the breath at the back of her neck froze for a few heartbeats.

Just as quickly as it happened, Kakashi began tugging his hand away from her breast and higher up her shoulder, changing the position so that it would be impossible to throw him now.

"Are you mad at me?" Sakura demanded, fed up with his antics now.

There was a long pause as if Kakashi actually had to consider the yes or no question. Which only made her more pissed because she had done nothing wrong!

"... No," he eventually answered.

She rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand, guiding it further over her front until his palm was pressed against her chest, his thumb and pinky grazing the edges of the bikini top. His entire body seemed to lock up instantly, and this time Sakura had no problem when she took Kakashi's other hand and guided it to her stomach.

His fingers were unexpectedly hot against her belly, and she sucked in a breath when his pinky twitched, flicking the edge of that little triangle that barely covered her down there.

"Touch me," Sakura whispered, her eyes fluttering shut as she felt his breaths quicken against her now. As was his heartbeat that thumped heavily against her back.

"Sak—"

With a roar, she braced her legs and bent over, gripping his arm slung across her front to throw him over her shoulder. The sun winked out of view for a split second as Kakashi passed overhead and then landed in front of her with a loud thud.

He was still blinking when she threw herself over him, straddling his lap and pinning both arms over his head to hold him down.

"Ha! I got you, Sensei!" Sakura crowed out, beaming down at him.

"I forgot how fast a learner you are," Kakashi spoke, still wincing from having his back slammed down, but the pride was evident in his bright gaze.

Sakura's smile widened, pleased by the uplift in his mood. "Is that another compliment?"

"A praise."

"I told you I'd be a good student for you."

He scoffed at her. "I don't know about that."

Her smile wavered when she saw that he was actually serious. "What? You're saying I've been making things hard for you?"

Kakashi didn't answer as he glanced up at his hands still pinned down by her.

"How so?" Sakura asked, reinforcing her grip on him when she felt his hands start to squirm against hers. She laced her fingers with his and shifted her weight forward and higher to use her weight against him. Her hair swept across both his cheeks as she shook her head at him. "I'm not letting you go until you tell me!" she sang out.

Kakashi's hands strained against hers for a moment, but she was stronger than she looked, and he eventually gave up with a huff. "I know over a dozen ways to get out of this and pin you down," he warned her.

The subtle threat in his tone had the heat between her hips coil tighter. She leaned in, eyeing the sharp bob of his Adam's apple where the length of his mask had risen. The thin skin glistened with sweat and she found herself dipping forward with the urge to drag her tongue across and suckle the round protrusion of his throat. She stopped just short of him, pausing to study the Adam's apple shift gracefully as he swallowed hard again.

"Are you sure you can pin me down, Sensei?" she purred down at him, feeling his hands flex gently against hers. "Hmm, I'd like to see you try."

Famous last words.

She'd expected him to try and push her off with his hands again. But she was so caught up with the gorgeous silver flecks in his dark eyes that she'd completely forgotten that he could simply thrust his hips up and knock her off balance (which he did) and switch them around so he was on top of her (which he was now).

Sakura clicked her tongue as she found herself on her back because of him for the seventh (?) time that day.

"I should tell you now that I don't like smartasses," Kakashi chided her in a low growl. A smirk then took over his face as he let her struggle in futile against him now—much like she'd made him do so just a second ago.

Sakura scowled at him before blowing a stray lock out of her face. "Oh yeah? Then what kind of asses do you like?"

He did a double-take but then instantly recovered to clamp his thighs around hers when she quickly tried to pull the same hip-thrust move against him.

"I told you I'd..." The words on Kakashi's tongue died away along with his smirk as he seemed to notice something about her.

He drew back slightly, just enough to let his eyes skim down the length of her. As if he was drinking in the sight of her stretched out beneath him with her hair fanned out around her face. Sakura was too busy squirming for an opening, but it was when she felt a strange, subtle shift in the air did she stop and peer up at Kakashi. Her breath froze in her chest once she noticed the way his eyes had darkened as he watched her chest rise and fall from her light panting.

She felt rather than saw her nipples tighten under his study. And she should've felt embarrassed by the way the pathetic thin cloth of her bikini did nothing to conceal the hardened tips of her breasts protruding shamelessly. She should've felt disgust when Kakashi's throat shifted again as if he was entertaining the thought of undressing her. And with the way he eyed her now, he might as well have been undressing her already.

Yet all Sakura felt was the need to take off her bikini right there and let him study every inch of her as he pleased. And maybe that was why, with him distracted, she had the courage to try the hip-thrust move again.

This time she succeeded, and they were back to her on top of him once more. But neither of them said a word to each other. They didn't have to when their eyes were doing all the talking, roaming across each other's faces as if interpreting every ragged breath they took together.

They stared at each other in wonder, his ashy grey clashing against her deep emerald. Kakashi's eyes fell to her mouth when her tongue darted out to lick her bottom lip, and then his gaze dropped further as she lowered her body onto his until her breasts were pressed flushed against his chest. Until she could feel the rapid but synchronized beat of their hearts pounding together, her heart mere inches away from his.

Suddenly, she was tired of fighting. Fighting what, she didn't even know. Couldn't put a name to it even if she wanted to. She just knew that she was tired of fighting something, and every muscle in her body loosened at the feel of his warm chest against hers. At the feel of his hands settled snug over her thighs and holding her securely against him instead of trying to push her away to continue the lesson.

Sakura thought nothing of it when she leaned in those last couple of inches between them and pressed her lips to the top of his cheek where his mask didn't cover. She kissed the flushed skin, letting her lips linger there for a second longer before drawing back. Her cherry gloss had left a print where her lips had been, but it was the sight of Kakashi staring wide-eyed at her that compelled Sakura to lean in again and kiss his other cheek.

He was warm, so deliciously warm that she let out a pleasured hum as she dragged her lips along the edge of his mask, trailing little kisses across his face. It was only when she reached the tip of his nose did Sakura register the calloused hands dragging up and down along the outside of her thighs. Much like a caress.

She sighed as the rest of the tension—the rest of the fight—in her body drained away at the mere touch of his fingers skimming along her exposed skin. Pressing a kiss up the length of his scar and across his eye, Sakura allowed herself to settle down on his lap. The moment she did so, Kakashi let out a small groan at the same time she felt something stiff meet her butt.

With her mind so blank now, Sakura gasped in surprise when she glanced down and saw the prominent protrusion snug between her thighs. It twitched under her observation as if to greet her, and then perked up a little more when she rubbed herself experimentally against it.

"Ah..." A strange sound rose from her, unlike any sound she normally made when she touched herself down there. Then again, she'd never had a man touch her there either. Even if it was indirectly.

The heat that'd been simmering low in her stomach started to spread further, pooling like molten lava until Sakura found herself throbbing with a heat far more intense than anything like it. She rocked her hips back and forth, letting the stiff heat trapped tight beneath Kakashi's jogging pants rub against her clit.

A pleased sigh escaped her, as did another groan from Kakashi who'd squeezed his eyes shut for now.

As if he couldn't believe this was happening. As if he expected this to just be a dream.

And, oh, Sakura had dreamt many moments like this before, but this took the cake.

Feeling the flimsy piece of her bikini bottom start to dampen, she canted her hips forth to position herself right over his erection. As if sensing what she was about to do, Kakashi opened his eyes, revealing the grey of them now dark and smoldering like smoke. His hands trembled against her hips, and then his fingers dug into her soft skin as she carefully lowered herself down onto him.

They hissed in unison as the tip of him pressed into her, stopped only by millimeters of cloth. Sakura winced slightly from a strange burning sensation of her entrance being stretched. It was only a little painful—not enough to stop her from rolling her hips.

"S-Sa... ku... ra..." Kakashi grunted out. The veins along his throat bulged as if it took every ounce of his strength to hold still for her.

She licked her lips and dipped down, kissing his Adam's apple before kissing his trembling chin.

A cool wind swept through them, tugging her hair to tickle his face and rustling the trees surrounding the area. Sakura felt nothing but an unbearable heat seeping into her every pore and soothed only by the stiffness between her thighs.

She hummed in contentment as she continued to alternate between gently bobbing up and down and rocking back and forth against Kakashi's erection. Her bikini was soaked through now, so much to the point that she could smell her own arousal. And judging by the way Kakashi's nostrils flared as he panted beneath her, so could he.

With a smile, she rewarded him by kissing the tip of his nose again, followed by a hard roll of her hips that had his swollen tip press further into her. She bit her lip against that strange pain again, but the pleasure throbbing intensely in her core was too much to ignore. So she did it again, relishing how hot he was even through the thin material of his jogging pants and her soaked bikini.

She felt him twitch against her again, and Sakura made a soft noise of surprise when she felt him grow under her still.

I want it, a voice nagged in her mind. I want it. I want it. I want him.

No, stop! that same voice said somewhere further in the back of her mind. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

"Kakashi," Sakura breathed out, her voice bordering on a whine.

She didn't know what to do. All she knew was that the hot pressure building in the pit of her stomach threatened to wipe out any last coherent thought she still had. And she didn't care.

Because she wanted it. She wanted him.

"Kakashi, please," Sakura begged him, meeting his smoldering gaze that threatened to swallow her whole the longer she stared into those eyes.

Right now, they were more like the eyes of a predator with his pupils blown wide. And yet, she could still glimpse the man within. And she realized now, as their gazes held together, that Kakashi wore the same look as her. That of someone with a desire that could only be sated by the other.

He was hungry with need, like a beast chained up and left to starve. And that need was for... her.

Sakura's heart stuttered in her chest as the revelation hit her like a storm she should've seen coming.

Oh, how could she not realize it sooner? But then again, Kakashi wore his mask so well that he'd fooled even her into thinking that he had no interest in her at all. At least, not the same interest as she had in him. But the truth lay bare in his face now, his mask crumbling to pieces along with his resolve.

A sob caught in Sakura's throat as she leaned down and scattered kisses all over Kakashi's face, reveling in his hapless groans and grunts while rocking against him.

His fingers dug deeper into the soft flesh of her hips and she cried out as he thrusted just once against her. Just once, and she felt his clothed tip press deeper past her folds, maybe an inch deep despite her bikini still protecting her. It hurt so good that she was already aching for more, but Kakashi had frozen as soon as he heard that cry spill past her lips.

As if the sound of her voice tinged with pain had awakened him to his senses.

"Stop," he grounded out.

"Why?" Sakura asked, kissing his brow and licking the salt of his sweat off her lips.

His hands started to flex near the swell of her ass as Kakashi took stock of their scandalous position. "This is... dangerous."

"What is?"

"This."

Sakura paused to meet his panicked face. He was starting to put his mask back on again and build some walls between them too. She smiled and soothed his worries with another kiss to his cheek, his lashes fluttering as she did so. "It's okay, you're not hurting me," she reassured him.

And the subtle pain between her legs didn't come back so long as she didn't press herself too much against him.

Kakashi shook his head and released her thighs only for his hands to fly back and catch her around the waist when she rolled against him again. "This isn't good for us," he tried to explain even as his eyes rolled back and his breath stalled every time Sakura ground herself down on him.

"You say it's not good for us, but then why does it feel so good?" Sakura sighed out, nuzzling his throat and breathing in the musk of his masculine scent. She'd always thought he smelled even better with a bit of sweat. "It feels so good," she crooned to him, swirling her hips to drag his tip along the soaked folds of her bikini.

The fabric of her bottoms was pinched tight at her entrance now, but she couldn't care less as she gasped when Kakashi's hands clenched around her hips. His nails bit into her skin but it was his fingers tangling with the strings of her bikini that had them freezing against each other.

They both looked to his hands tangled with the strings that held her bikini together, and then they looked at each other. If either of them moved any further, then the strings of her bikini might come undone.

Slowly, Sakura reached down and took hold of a string hanging by her right hip.

Kakashi's eyes remained trained on her face, but they widened as if he knew exactly what she was going to do. What he himself wanted to do.

"We can't," he whispered to her, his voice thick but trembling.

They were just two little words, but they gave Sakura pause.

We can't...

He can't because he's my teacher. And I can't because of Sasuke.

We can't.

Two little words that carried so much weight.

And in her distraction, she was caught off guard by the sound of a bunch of boys entering the gym room and hooting aloud as they turned up the music to start their workout. The door separating the gym from the pool deck remained closed, but Kakashi took advantage of her distraction as he flipped them around in the blink of an eye.

She was still regaining the breath that'd been knocked out of her lungs when she felt Kakashi's hands rip away from her hips. Her bikini strings were yanked slightly from the rough movement, but the knots held together for the most part, much to her relief and disappointment.

Still gathering her wits about her, Sakura could only watch as Kakashi stood up, gripping his towel to conceal his erection. He had his shades back on, as well as his mask of indifference, but neither were enough to hide his cheeks stained with blush and her lip gloss.

"That concludes our lessons," he said in a rough voice. He couldn't even spare Sakura one last look before leaving the deck, and leaving Sakura to come to terms with what she had just done.

.

.

.

"So did you post the photos on your socials yet?"

The milk continued to boil in the pot as Sakura stared at it, watching the bubbles pop and foam at the edges.

"Sakura?"

"Huh?" She whirled around to blink at Tenten's concerned face filling the screen of her laptop that was perched on the table. "O-Oh, no, I haven't yet..."

Tenten frowned and brought her face closer to the camera to the point all Sakura could see were a pair of eyes inspecting her. "You okay?"

No... no, she was far from okay.

"It's nothing! I'm just busy at the moment," Sakura said, grabbing something at her side to stir the pot of rice, milk, and sugar together. "I'm fine! Really!

"Then why are you stirring your food with a pair of tongs?"

She paused as she finally registered the tongs in her hand instead of the spatula she'd used earlier. Flustered now, Sakura kept her back turned to her laptop, pretending that the little switcharoo had been entirely intentional.

Behind her, Tenten sighed. "My sixth sense is telling me my friend is troubled. Spill."

Ah, geez. It was hard to get away with Ino and her mindreading powers, but Sakura had thought Tenten wouldn't notice anything unusual. Stirring the pot harder and louder to hide any tension in her voice, Sakura said, "You know how Professor Hatake was at the pool with us?"

"Yeah, the guy's a freaking ninja! I didn't even notice he was there until I made my way back inside the gym."

"After you left, he kind of..." Sakura's lips twisted as she struggled for a euphemism to describe what had happened. She inwardly sighed, knowing there was nothing she could say without landing Kakashi in jail. "He kind of scolded me."

"Seriously?" Tenten snorted. "I thought you guys were chill with each other. And you said you've been getting A's in his classes, so what would he even scold his best student for?"

For sexually assaulting him. "For, uh... my inappropriate attire."

"Inappropriate? You were wearing a swimsuit! That's the most appropriate thing you can wear to the pool! Oh gods," Tenten gasped, "is it true then that he's really that strict? With that kind of personality, no wonder he's still single. I bet he's awful in bed too."

"He's not," Sakura said too quickly. She pretended to cough over the steam of the milk boiling in the pot. "I-I mean, Professor Hatake has sex with women—which isn't surprising for a man of his age. So he's probably really experienced in pleasuring women, like Ino said."

And like the thrust of his hips back at the pool had told her.

"But Ino said Professor Hatake doesn't seem to have a wife or girlfriend. So how...?"

Sakura shrugged, feeling her shoulders sag as she recalled one of the conversations she'd shared with Kakashi at their bench earlier in the semester. "He once mentioned that he always makes sure to wear protection, so I'm guessing..."

"Oh my god, one-night stands?!" Tenten exclaimed while Sakura winced more from the image that the words 'one-night stand' conjured. "Damn, that's hot!"

Dropping the tongs in the pot, Sakura turned to glare at Tenten who was still fanning herself. "How is a lack of commitment attractive?"

Hearing the bite of anger in Sakura's voice, Tenten raised a brow in bewilderment. "You're confusing sex with romance. Sex is a natural urge; it doesn't always have to have strings attached. But come to think of it, if Professor Hatake does one-night stands then I wonder if he's ever slept with a former student before?"

Gods, she really didn't want to think of Kakashi sleeping with any of the older girls in class. She especially didn't want to think of Mei—ah, shit, too late. She turned her glare back onto the pot again, hiding the tears starting to build at the corners of her eyes. "So you mean after the semester is over, the older students can date him?" she asked, proud that her voice remained calm and level but probably because she was viciously stirring the rice now, taking her anger out on every little grain.

"I mean, of course it's frowned upon," Tenten raised her voice over the persistent clanging of Sakura's tongs banging around the pot as she stirred. "But I hear people tend to keep hush about it since it's not actually illegal. If you look it up, it's not uncommon for professors to marry their former students. It's a lot more common in grad school though. But damn, can you imagine what it would be like to be in Professor Hatake's bed?"

The question had Sakura stirring harder until all she could hear was the tongs hitting the walls of the pot. She kept going, filling the kitchen with the noise so that there was no space in her head for a single thought to form. Because every time she dared to think, all she could think about was someone like Mei Tanaka in Kakashi's bed. Heck, she didn't even know what Kakashi's bed looked like, but the picture was already there in her mind.

"Uh, Sakura?" Tenten spoke up behind her. "I think I see smoke coming from your pot?"

Sakura ignored her friend's warning until the pungent aroma of burnt sugar reached her nose. She stopped stirring to survey the indescribable mess that had once been the rice pudding she'd been cooking. There was a foamy, almost goopy layer of what was supposed to be the milk. And as she sifted through to salvage the pudding, she grimaced at the layer of black rice her tongs had scraped out.

She'd burnt the rice pudding she'd intended to give to Kakashi as an apology, but Sakura knew the ruined pudding was the least of her concerns.


The sun was starting to creep towards the treetops as Kakashi continued jogging down one of the lesser-known hiking trails of Kage Rock. Pakkun led the front of the pack, but Bull was starting to lag behind the other dogs now, prompting Kakashi to slow down to a power walk so his boys could catch a break. He didn't normally take them out for two runs in one day, but he needed to let out some steam just as he also needed the company.

Not that his dogs could help much to ward off his thoughts about Sakura.

He'd known for a while that this whole thing between them was wrong and that it was in both their interests for him to stay away, but he couldn't deny that he was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Or like a hound to his prey.

Every time Sakura stepped into the room, she breathed life into the whole place. Every time she smiled, his world was suddenly lit up in color. Every time she laughed, the screams of his ghosts faded away. And when she touched him in complete innocence of the sins he carried, Kakashi felt the weight on his chest lift away to the point that he almost felt... normal. Normal, and not broken like he'd been the day he was rescued from the rubble.

But this wasn't right. He wasn't right.

He was a dead man walking, and everything he touched always turned to ash sooner or later. Which was why he knew very well that if Sakura hoped to have a future, then it had to be one without him in it. He had to stay away from her before she got too tangled up in his mess. The problem was how to do that when his heart and head were constantly at war with each other. The former seemed to tug him towards her while the latter pulled him away.

And it didn't help that Sakura, in her sweet yet frustrating innocence, seemed so ready to accept him. It was clear she had yet to figure out he was not the man she thought he was. He was not the hero she saw in him. And he was certainly not the good man she claimed him to be. The fact that every night he had to fight back the urge to masturbate to her image like a dirty old man was proof enough.

But what happened at the pool was crossing the line. He'd come so close to losing control. So close to ripping off her bikini and taking her right there like an animal—first kiss, first cock, first fuck—consequences be damned. All because he'd let his resolve weaken under her lust-filled gaze.

Even now, he could still remember the exact shade of her clouded, emerald eyes, hazy and dark as if she wasn't even thinking anymore but just acting on pure instinct.

His dogs barked as Kakashi picked up the pace again, eventually bursting into a sprint as he tried to escape the memory of her body writhing atop of him.

For a virgin, she was a natural seductress. And with the two of them put together, they were like a pair of wild animals ready to rut each other without restraint.

Playing with Sakura's skirt was one thing. Letting her kiss him on the cheek was another thing. But having his dick grind against her virgin cunt in a sloppy simulation of sex? What the fuck had he been thinking? But that therein lied the problem—he hadn't been thinking. Not with his brain at least. That was toeing the point of no return, and had he slipped inside her all the way… He didn't want to even consider how that would've hurt her in more ways than she'd expect.

After weeks of both accidental and intentional touches, Kakashi had thought those would be okay so long as they didn't go all the way. But the feel of her damp heat grinding on his cock, and the desperate urge to thrust into her even with millimeters of cloth separating them… that went beyond everything they'd done these past weeks. What happened at the pool made everything they did before that look like child's play.

Or rather, a very long and torturous foreplay.

Even if he tried to, there was no forgetting the tight heat of her body enticing him with just a swirl of her hips. He had felt just a hint of how incredibly soft she was—how welcoming she'd been. It was out of sheer luck that they'd managed to keep their clothes on; Kakashi at least had that shred of control left over.

It was only when he'd heard those raucous boys enter the gym had he remembered where they were and who they were. They were at school, and they were teacher and student.

He didn't care if his life got fucked up—heck, his life was already fucked up anyway. But Sakura? She was young, and she had her whole life ahead of her. He couldn't ruin that. He couldn't ruin her.

He'd already ruined Obito's and Rin's futures. He couldn't ruin Sakura's too. Most of all, he couldn't taint that sweet innocence of hers with his own darkness. He would not.

A flower still blossoming in the sun deserved to live a full life—not be ripped out by its roots just for the pleasure of someone as selfish as him. Besides, how could he dare touch her when everything he touched turned to ash?

How could he dare touch her with these dirty hands of his? These hands that had taken so many lives and caused so much pain?

He stared at those hands of his upon returning home. Examining the scars all over the worn skin of his palms, he remembered every wound of every mission that had left the scars he would now hold forever.

And later as he took a shower that night, Kakashi continued to study his hands beneath the cold spray of the water. He realized that if there was anyone else Kakashi had to protect Sakura from, it was him.

Eventually, she would grow up and realize that he was not the hero of this story—he was the villain of her story and many others. And by the time he left this world, she probably wouldn't even remember him. His name might be engraved on stone, but there would be no one to visit him.

After all...

"You don't deserve happiness," Kakashi muttered into the darkness of his bedroom as he laid in bed.

All around him, hidden in the shadows, his ghosts echoed their shared sentiments.


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