The Anatomy of Love
Written By: Banana007
Chapter 23: Rain or Shine
A/N: Again, I highly recommend reading this over on AO3 because there is music for this chapter and I cannot link it here!
She combed a hand through her hair for the umpteenth time this morning even though there was hardly anyone around to judge her appearance. Not that Sakura looked awful today—in fact, she'd spent the morning picking through her closet for something especially nice to wear today. She'd even plucked her brows and did her makeup even though there was no special occasion to dress up for. Heck, she was only dropping by the college campus at Tenten's request so that she could register her friend for some tutoring sessions.
Still, a little self-care was usually enough to lift Sakura's mood. And considering how she'd spent the entirety of last night tossing and turning in bed with the events of the pool replaying over and over in her head... well, suffice to say that she'd woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning. Desperate not to look as awful as she felt, Sakura had thrown on a white sundress to stave off today's heat in style.
With the humid weather, she was sweating bullets by the time she reached the air-conditioned building of the school's student resource center. The automatic doors peeled apart and she heaved a sigh of relief as a cool blast of air hit her face. The student workers milling around gave her passing glances and polite smiles as she made her way down the corridor and towards the source of the low murmur of people studying.
At this time of day, the tutoring center was filled with mostly elderly students who needed additional assistance in using the technology at their fingertips. One of those seniors gave her a toothy smile and commented on her beauty, which put a hop to Sakura's step as she approached one of the student workers managing the front desk.
"Hi, I was wondering if you have any tutors available for Organic Chemistry?" Sakura asked, watching the older girl set aside her phone to address Sakura's question.
"We have one tutor, but he's not in today."
Taking a peek at her phone, Sakura checked the text messages Tenten had sent last night. "My friend wants to reserve for any time on Mondays and Wednesdays. Does he have any open slots?"
The girl hummed as she turned to the computer beside her and browsed through something on the screen. "He does but everybody's always requesting him, so 3:30 on Mondays is the only time available if your friend's okay with that. Just fill out this form here," she said, passing a document over.
Borrowing a pen from the nearby cupholder, Sakura jotted down Tenten's school ID and contact information before returning the document. "So what's his name?"
"Huh?"
"The tutor?"
"Mr. Yakushi," the girl answered, already distracted by her phone. She waved a hand towards a bulletin board hanging on the wall a few feet away. "You can check out his profile over there. He's the one with the Harry Potter glasses."
Traipsing to the bulletin board, Sakura squinted at the photos pinned at the corner with an assortment of thumbtacks. The improvised collage featured students of various ages posing with tired smiles plastered on their tired faces. It didn't take long for Sakura to find a Mr. Yakushi—Kabuto Yakushi—at the very center with his Harry Potter glasses.
Both her brows shot up as she glimpsed the number of courses he tutored.
General Biology, General Chemistry, Organic Chemistry, Physics, Biochemistry, Anatomy, Physiology, Microbiology, Statistics, Calculus—and even freaking Genetics?!
Geez, no wonder everyone asks for him.
She snapped a photo of Mr. Yakushi's profile and sent it to Tenten.
Tenten: Thx!
Tenten: Oh and don't forget to pick up ur plus-one tix at the amphitheater!
Sakura paused at the second message.
Sakura: tix?
Tenten: for the talent show
Tenten: the plus-one tix is free for performers
Wait, what?
Sakura: we're performing?
Sakura: at the talent show?
Tenten: ?
Tenten: yeah we talked about it last night
Tenten: Ino proposed we do the dance we did back in hs
Of course it was Ino's idea. And of course Sakura hadn't been paying attention to the conversation. Instead, she'd kept replaying the memory of herself dry humping her professor like some horndog while Ino had been blabbing away in the background of the laptop.
A passing student gave Sakura the side-eye as she groaned and smacked a hand to her forehead.
But maybe practicing for the talent show would be a good distraction from her current woes.
Sighing, she sent Tenten a thumbs up before returning her attention to the photo she had sent her friend.
Despite the numerous subjects he tutored, Mr. Yakushi hardly looked any older than Sakura herself. Perhaps he was a senior or... no, wait—didn't Tenten mention that the guy Ino had set her up with for Neji's frat party was a medical student? What if this was him?
Sakura scrutinized the picture in hand.
For a genius like himself, he still bore the same smile as his coworkers at least, but there was something about his smile that struck Sakura as somewhat... familiar.
At first, she thought maybe she'd once passed Mr. Yakushi in the hall on the way to class. His looks were average so, admittedly, it'd be easy to miss him. But the longer Sakura stared at those pressed lips and crinkled eyes, the more she thought about... Kakashi. Yes, that was it. It was the exact same way Kakashi smiled when he wanted to disguise his true thoughts.
Sakura frowned at Mr. Yakushi's photo before shaking her head. No, she needed to stop thinking about Kakashi everywhere she went. Doing so only dampened her mood and her whole mission for today was to lift her mood. And since none of her friends were around during the weekend to do just that, it was all up to Sakura to cheer herself up.
Half of her was tempted to snoop through Ino's secret stash of booze, but she wasn't that far off the deep end... yet.
Still, her shoulders were already sagging as she walked by tables of students in search of the nearest bathroom. A minute later, Sakura's shoulders sagged further as she finished walking in a whole circle around the room and still no bathroom in sight.
Biting her lip, she peered over to the front desk where the student worker was busy dealing with other students. She scanned the room but, seeing how there was no one available at the moment, she decided to just leave. As she turned the corner of one of the private study rooms, someone stepped out of the room beside her and bumped her shoulder.
"Oh, pardon me!" A man said before Sakura could apologize first.
"No, I'm so—oh!" She blinked at the young man smiling at her. "Wait, you're-"
"Kabuto, my man!" Another student worker walking by waved for the man's attention. "What are you doing here? I thought you don't tutor on weekends?"
"I just had an Honors club meeting," Kabuto replied, smiling exactly as he did in the photo. After his colleague retreated into the study room, he turned his smile onto Sakura. "I haven't seen you here before. Did you need help with something?"
"Oh, I was just looking for the restroom," Sakura chuckled sheepishly. "Guess I got a little lost."
Behind his glasses, his eyes crinkled as he gave her a sympathetic nod. "That's all right, I couldn't find the bathroom here when I was a freshman too. It's just down there," he pointed beyond her shoulder. "Then make a left into the little hallway. The women's is on the right side."
She flashed him a grateful smile just as one of his coworkers called for his assistance even though he was supposedly off-duty today.
"Well, I gotta go," Kabuto said, offering his hand to Sakura. "See you around."
Thanking him, she shook his hand but was taken aback by how cold his fingers were. Before she could think much about it, he turned and left to return to work. Sakura remained rooted to the spot a moment longer, observing his jovial approach to the younger students waving him over for help.
Pulling out her phone once more, she shot Tenten a text.
Sakura: Just ran into the tutor I scheduled you with!
Tenten: 😮 what's he like?
She glanced up and watched Kabuto give one of his students a thumbs up in praise of their work. He had that smile on his face again; the same one from the photo. But maybe she was just imagining things. It would be terrible of her to judge someone she had only just met, so Sakura replied to Tenten with a smiley face and an okay sign.
Sakura: He seems like a nice guy!
Once the message was sent, she left the tutoring center in search for the school's amphitheater. The dome head of the building was hard to miss, and luckily there were only a few students queueing to register for the talent show and get their plus-one ticket.
But as Sakura stood in line, her thoughts wandered to the talent show she had performed last year with the girls. The auditorium had been crowded with family members who'd paid to watch their son, daughter, or sibling perform goofy tricks and sing off-tune. She remembered the hot stage lights on her face and blinding her of the dark masses murmuring in anticipation for the next performance. She remembered squinting at the shadowy figures, scanning the rows for any hint of pink or strawberry blonde hair. The image of the blank faces of countless strangers remained stuck in her mind the entire time she danced in front of them.
Although she should have been used to it by now, her heart ached at the thought of having to experience that all over again.
But with Mama and Papa so busy with work, I guess it can't be helped, Sakura thought as she exited the amphitheater with her plus-one ticket in hand. While walking, she studied the date that marked when the show would be.
Just as she was contemplating whether to throw the ticket away, a rain drop hit the corner of the paper. She blinked in confusion before raising her face to the sky. Pregnant grey clouds were quickly sweeping the sun from view. Without warning, fat drops of rain started pelting her, prompting Sakura to tuck the ticket in her purse and scurry down the street for cover.
From above, the clouds rumbled low and angry, the sound of which raised goosebumps across her arms. Summer thunderstorms in Konoha city were not unusual, but she hadn't expected one at the end of summer. And this time there was no bed to hide in.
Crack!
Thunder boomed over her shoulder just as Sakura reached safety beneath the awning of the flower shop that she just now recognized was a branch shop of Yamanaka Flowers. She thought of stepping inside to wait out the storm, but another roar of thunder had all her muscles locking up in fear.
How childish of her, she silently rebuked herself. To still be so afraid of thunder at this age?
Sakura balled her hands into fists, sucking in deep breaths to keep herself calm and collected. Her dress was soaked and clinging to every inch of her body, the skirt heavy and slapping against her thighs as she paced side to side. Some people running down the side with their bags over their heads gave her passing glances as they passed by. A group of boys chasing each other through the puddles even leered at her for a brief moment.
Before Sakura could wonder why, she heard the tinkle of a bell from behind as someone exited the flower shop. She glanced over her shoulder to give the stranger a polite smile and scoot over to make space, but her smile twisted into a grimace the moment her eyes landed upon Kakashi's astonished face.
They stood staring at each other for too long a moment until the bell of the shop tinkled aloud again and another customer squeezed past them. As the stranger stood between them to snap open an umbrella, Sakura took the chance to shuffle all the way to the edge of the awning, carefully—but not too obviously—breaking her stare away from Kakashi and to the cars zooming by them.
With their umbrella in hand, the stranger ambled away, leaving the space between Sakura and Kakashi awkward and empty. Without a human barrier between them now, Sakura could feel the stiff silence quickly take its place, oppressive and stifling. Not even the heavy 'pitter patter' of the rain was loud enough to cover the deafening silence between them.
I really do have the worst of luck, Sakura inwardly bemoaned.
How was it that she kept running into him at the most inconvenient times? Given that they now lived in the same neighborhood, she knew it was to be expected that they'd bump into each other every once in a while, but still!
At this rate, he might think I'm stalking him! And with the way I practically sexually assaulted him the other day... oh gods, it's a wonder how he hasn't got a restraining order against me yet.
The crinkle of plastic snapped Sakura out of her thoughts and she dared to peek at Kakashi from the corner of her eye. He wore dark jeans and a white shirt that fit him way too well even under his jacket, but it was really the bouquet of flowers he held that caught her attention. White lilies protected by a gold sleeve.
Her heart stuttered at the sight.
He... bought flowers for someone? A woman?
That monster that was jealousy immediately reared its ugly head back and Sakura had to rip her eyes away. She was well aware that she had no right to be jealous, but it still stung nonetheless. It wasn't like they were dating or anything, but some part of her felt possessive over those soft smiles and kind gestures Kakashi granted her outside the classroom. After all, it wasn't often that he showed his gentle side, usually hiding his kindness behind that mask or even behind that porn book of his.
But for a guy as handsome as him, it should come as no surprise that Kakashi wouldn't remain a bachelor for the rest of his life. Perhaps he was only just starting to see someone and tonight would be their first date. He was just old enough that Sakura wouldn't put it past him to be the kind of guy who bought a girl flowers on the first date. Though the romantic within her normally would've swooned at the idea, Sakura's stomach continued twisting in knots.
"It's raining cats and dogs," Sakura said in an attempt to lighten the mood.
Kakashi hummed but didn't say anything, effectively ending the stilted conversation right there.
She shut her trap and watched the rain wash down the darkened pavement of the streets, contemplating whether she should just run for it. While meditating on the plan, she observed Kakashi in her peripheral vision. His posture was strangely tall and rigid like that of a scarecrow, and when she allowed her eyes to stray back to him, Sakura noticed that the bouquet of lilies he held were trembling. If she listened hard enough, she could hear the plastic sleeve rustling from the movement despite the noise of the rain.
At first, she thought it was the wind tousling the flowers until she saw how his other hand trembled with the same fervor. She frowned, wondering if Kakashi was shivering because he was cold. But summer thunderstorms were as balmy as the one right now. So, if anything, a little rain would be a great reprieve from the humid weather.
The next clap of thunder abruptly cut through her thoughts and shook Sakura to the core. She yelped and pressed both hands over her ears, desperate to shut out the noise of what sounded like an impending doom.
She hated thunderstorms with a passion. Every year they came, and every year they flooded her with sheer, irrational terror. She hated that childish side of her almost as much as she hated how she had no one to reassure her. No father or mother to hold her close and call her a silly goose for fearing Mother Nature.
When the next clap of thunder boomed in the distance, Sakura squeezed her eyes shut, squeezing back the tears as well. It took only a second for the low rumble to fade in preparation for the next one, but she remained frozen in fear for a second longer. The sudden crinkle of plastic at her side drew her attention and Sakura's eyes darted back to Kakashi.
He stared wide-eyed into the beyond, looking but not really seeing. It was that thousand-yard stare again, but this time accompanied by a set jaw and a bone-white grip on the bouquet.
No way. Is Professor Hatake... scared too?
The flash of lightning answered her question as they both flinched in unison. But the longer Sakura observed the military veteran beside her, the more her fear subsided into befuddlement. Here was a former soldier who had probably faced down the jaws of death countless times in his career in the military, and he was twice her age... yet he shared the same fear of thunder just as her?
She had thought such fear made her childish, but it seemed she was wrong. Everyone feared something no matter how ridiculous that fear was. That didn't mean they were childish for it, she knew that now. Because fear, Sakura remembered, was a natural human reaction. And fear did not discriminate.
When the next boom of thunder rumbled across the city, Sakura wanted to both laugh and cry. Laugh over how she and Kakashi were both huddling in terror beneath this tiny awning. And cry over the fact that, for once in her life, she did not have to be afraid all on her lonesome this time.
Kakashi, on the other hand, squeezed the bouquet of lilies harder to the point that Sakura worried he would break the stems.
"What's your favorite color?" she blurted out.
The random question had Kakashi blinking out of his stupor. Like a scarecrow on a swivel, he stiffly turned his head to finally meet her gaze. His eyes were still dark and glassy, but at least she had caught his attention.
Thinking he hadn't heard her properly over the hush of the rain, she repeated her question. It wasn't the most brilliant question to prod your teacher with, but Sakura remembered that her mom had often taught her to think of her favorite things whenever she got scared. International phone calls were expensive, so there was no time to hold a conversation and hear her mother's soothing voice for long. The best she could do as a little girl, all alone in the house, was think of favorite things like the red ribbon Ino had gifted her, or the cherry blossom necklace her parents had bequeathed upon their departure. Sometimes she thought of memories like rolling down a hill with Tenten and walking away with grass staining their pants and itchy cuts. Or learning how to braid her own hair with Hinata's help.
Kakashi remained gaping at her.
"M-My favorite color is red!" Sakura stammered out over the deafening roar of more thunder. "Which is also the color of my favorite fruits—apples, strawberries, tomatoes, and cherries. Mrs. Yamanaka baked me a cherry pie last year for my birthday and I keep forgetting to ask her for the recipe. Oh, but my favorite kind of pie is actually pumpkin pie. Do you like pumpkin pie? I wouldn't say it's sweet, so maybe you'd like it. I also like pumpkin ice cream and I can't wait for when stores prepare for Halloween so that they can start selling pumpkin ice cream and pumpkin pie-I think I asked you already but do you like pumpkin pie?"
"... I've never tried it," Kakashi answered slowly, still dumbfounded by her sudden barrage of random questions.
"Well, do you like pie?" She mentally berated herself for not asking that first.
He was slack-jawed for a moment longer, still processing the thought of pie of all things.
"I-I don't know," he shrugged. "Pie was a bit of a luxury back then during the war, so I grew up not eating it in the orphanage."
"Oh..."
The reminder about their glaringly large age difference stabbed Sakura in the gut. It was sometimes too easy to forget how Kakashi was practically twice her age when he had no wrinkles to show for it and he never talked down to her like she was a child.
Before she could dwell on the issue of their age gap, the sky cracked with thunder once more—closer this time. She bit back a scream as she clapped both hands over her ears again. This time she recovered faster and glanced back at Kakashi, a blush already building on her cheeks as she fought back a wave of embarrassment. But Kakashi's eyes had gone glassy again, tempered dark by the gloomy clouds rumbling before them. Like earlier, he stood staring at her, but not quite seeing her.
He looked like a scarecrow, bracing himself for a coming storm after surviving far too many that had wrecked devastation all around him.
It unsettled her, if she had to be honest, but Sakura hesitated only a second before reaching over to let her fingertips graze with his. His fingers twitched around the bouquet's sleeve but he didn't stop her as she gingerly tucked his free hand into both of hers. Her fingers were small and feeble compared to his, but they were much warmer as she wrapped her fingers around his and squeezed his hand gently.
"So what's your favorite color?" she tried again, asking softly.
Kakashi blinked owlishly as he slowly came back to her. This time, he seemed to seriously contemplate her question as he tilted his head thoughtfully. As she waited for him, Sakura felt the trembling of his fingers subside and the iciness of his skin seep away.
"I guess... maybe grey?" he said, seemingly sheepish about his answer.
Perhaps he thought the color was too dreary to impress her. But Sakura was more puzzled at the fact that he wasn't even sure what his favorite color was. Stuff like favorite colors were usually asked about in primary school, so it was concerning to think that Kakashi would be uncertain with something that he would normally be asked about as a child.
Then again, he'd been orphaned at a young age and even once mentioned how he'd never seen a woman wash dishes in a kitchen until her. Could it be that his childhood had been far from normal?
Sakura smiled at him. "I think grey is a beautiful color," she assured him.
The tips of Kakashi's ears reddened and he pulled his hand out of hers as if realizing their current situation. His eyes dropped down to break away from her gaze, but then the tops of his cheeks reddened to match the same shade as his ears as he eyed her dress. Just as quickly, he looked away, raising a hand to press his knuckles against his mouth to mull over something.
Before Sakura could question his sudden bashfulness, his eyes flicked back to her dress and then up to her face. "Your dress is, ah... wet," Kakashi mumbled behind his knuckles.
She raised a brow before peering down at herself. At the sight of how sheer the thin white cotton material had become, soaked from the rain, she gasped in mortification. Her arms flew across her chest to cover up the fact that she'd forgone a bra this morning, choosing to rely on the dress's built-in bra instead. But the built-in bra was so thin that it did nothing but emphasize the shape of her small breasts and her cold, hard nipples poking out.
The skirt of her soggy dress slapped around her thighs as Sakura pivoted around, her face burning hot with humiliation. It was already enough that her hair was knotted and tangled, and her mascara smudged. She must've looked like a drowned rat, but she hadn't realized that she'd looked more like a drowned naked mole rat.
Was that why those people had been looking at her that way earlier? Oh gods...
Something warm suddenly settled over her shoulders followed by the familiar scent of crisp pine trees. Sakura glanced down as Kakashi finished draping his jacket over her shoulders, shielding her from the leers of any men or boys that might pass them by.
Hesitant, she fingered the soft material of the jacket just as Kakashi let out a heavy sigh behind her. She peeked over her shoulder to find him looking off into the distance, his hand clamped across his neck as he seemed to weigh some sort of decision.
His shoulders then sagged in defeat. "My house is just around the corner...?"
Sakura's brows shot up to her hairline. Had she heard that right? It was difficult to tell when his conflicted expression implied that he wanted nothing more than to run away.
"Are you... inviting me to your house?" she rasped out, almost at a loss for words.
The idea of a teacher inviting his female student to his house... well, they both knew what the implication usually was. But Sakura wasn't worried that Kakashi would try to drug her or anything because she knew he would never do that. She was merely worried that he would change his mind at the last minute or give her a lecture on why she was supposed to reject his offer.
As if thinking the same thing, Kakashi's lips twisted under his mask. "Just so that you can dry yourself off," he clarified for her, his eyes darting side to side as if he expected a squad of police cars to screech onto the street any moment now.
Chewing her lip, Sakura eyed the heavy fall of the rain that had yet to wane. Though the thunder and lightning show had stopped, it didn't look like the rain would be ending anytime soon. She supposed she could just wait it out an hour or so, but standing around drenched to the bone with her soaked dress leaving nothing to the imagination did not sit well with Sakura either.
She gripped the lapels of Kakashi's jacket tight and nodded at him. Wordlessly, he stepped out of the awning and into the pouring rain. He seemed unbothered by the torrent of raindrops pelting his shoulders and quickly dampening his white shirt so that the material clung to every curve of his muscles like a second skin.
With a pause, Kakashi peered back at her over his shoulder and tilted his head in the direction he was heading.
Sakura bit her lip, knowing that what she was about to do was wrong. That this was the time to say 'no' and walk away, with or without his jacket. But it wasn't often that she got to be selfish like this. Tired of holding up the image of the good girl her parents had told her to be in their absence, Sakura raised her chin and pulled Kakashi's hoodie over her head.
His warmth and scent encased her like a shield as she darted out of the awning to join him at his side, her feet splashing water with every eager step towards him.
They walked in silence at first, and any stranger who glimpsed them on the street might've thought they made the strangest duo. A man walking calmly under the onslaught of the rain, his hair limp and pressed down under the weight of the water while his shirt and pants were soaked through that he dragged the water with him. And then there was the girl trotting one step behind him, wearing a jacket much too large to belong to her, especially since the sleeves almost reached her ankles.
As they walked, Sakura couldn't help but notice how Kakashi had slowed down his pace for her. He usually walked at a languid pace but, with his long legs, he still would've been home much quicker without her at his side. It touched her that he would be so considerate as to walk more slowly so that she could keep up with him. At the same time, it only made the jealousy burn hotter in her chest as she eyed the bouquet he still held.
Try as she might, she couldn't think of any woman Kakashi might be seeing. Professor Kurenai was already married to Professor Asuma, and Sakura could not imagine that Kakashi might be getting the flowers for Mei Tanaka. She didn't want to imagine that. Kakashi himself had reassured her that nothing had happened between him and Mei, and she believed him.
But who could the flowers be for?
Sakura shook her head, knowing that it wasn't good to torture herself with that question. Besides, she doubted Kakashi would give her an actual name. Especially not when things between them were still awkward—and even now, she could feel the awkwardness stifling the single foot of space she had put between his back and her front. It cloyed her lungs, leaving Sakura's mouth flapping up and down as she struggled for something to say.
An apology was in order for what she had done. Except the problem was that she wasn't sorry at all. How could she be apologetic when she had seen the same hunger in Kakashi's gaze? Had felt the pressure of his fingers digging into her hips and thighs? This morning, she had slipped into the shower and noticed the slightest discoloration of her skin where Kakashi's fingers had been; little bruises that served to remind her that whatever feelings she had for him were mutual.
Staring at his back, Sakura eyed the ragged scars that were visible beneath the shirt now as sheer as her dress from the rain. There were so many things she wanted to say to Kakashi. And far too many things she wanted to ask him.
But the first thought that came to mind was the idea that perhaps now was a better time to extend an olive branch of peace to him.
Taking a step to close the gap between them, Sakura rummaged in her purse for the ticket she'd put away earlier. "Um, have you ever been to a school's talent show, Mr. Hatake?"
Kakashi glanced at her as they waited at a crosswalk. "No," he said once the pedestrian light flashed for them. "I didn't really bother for school events. It's kind of hard to have time for those things when you're busy training for a war."
She deflated at that answer but was still too stubborn to give up just yet. "Well, my friends and I are going to perform and... I-I was wondering if you'd like to watch..? I got a plus-one ticket for free to give to a family member, but... I don't have any family around to watch me perform," Sakura said, smiling wryly. "So... so here!"
With the last of her courage, she shoved the ticket towards Kakashi, nearly punching him in the gut as she did so. The ticket was crumpled in her grip, and maybe a little soggy now from the rain as she held out the piece of paper to him. Afraid of his imminent rejection, Sakura kept her eyes trained on the chipped mint nail polish on her toes. After the first week of school, Ino had asked about going out to search for a nail salon but they had yet to find one that fit their college budget.
Maybe I could ask-
A warm hand touched hers, gently prying the ticket out of her grip.
She whipped her head back to Kakashi who was already tucking the ticket safely into his pocket, his face deceptively blasé under her scrutiny.
"Y-You don't have to go if you don't want to!" Sakura shook her hands. "You can throw it away or... your choice."
She hoped with all her heart that he would go.
"What will you be performing?"
Not expecting a question as his response, Sakura stuttered through her answer. According to Tenten, Ino wanted them to perform the same two-minute hip hop dance they had performed in their senior year of high school. While the choreography was complicated, they had performed it mere months ago that most of the moves were still fresh in their minds.
But that was the least of Sakura's concerns. Right now, her only concern was whether Kakashi would say yes... or no.
"I'll think about it," was his answer. And he left it at that.
Her head hung low at his neutrality, but there was no time to mope any further as Kakashi drew them to a stop. Sakura raised her face and her jaw nearly dropped at the house splayed out before them.
It was two stories, but larger than normal to the point that the square feet could possibly match that of a small mansion's. And the many windows hinted that there were just as many rooms inside—and she was only looking at it from the front side!
As she trailed after Kakashi, following him on a set of cobblestone stairs, she eyed the white cement of the driveway. It was so crisp and clear of any streak of dirt with only his Toyota parked; she guessed his motorcycle was kept within the garage—which looked as if it could fit around four cars. Heck, considering the size of his house, she wouldn't be surprised if he did have four cars.
She was surprised by how dreary the house's paint job was though. The walls were shaded a powder blue that was so muted and pale that it nearly bordered on grey. The color of a sky darkening with animosity.
There wasn't even a single potted plant to line the stairs or guard the door. The front lawn was a bright shade of viridian, but it had been trimmed down too short and too neat that she thought it would be very uncomfortable to play on.
The inside is probably more cozy, Sakura told herself while Kakashi unlocked the door.
She was wrong.
The moment the door swung open for them, she was greeted by the dark mouth of the house yawning open, ready to consume her. It was so dark inside that, for a moment, she hesitated to follow Kakashi in.
When she toed off her sandals, the icy floorboards met her bare feet and Sakura had to suppress a shiver as she found herself wrapped entirely by the cold shadows of the house. Why was it so cold in the first place? Sure, summer was ending, but Konoha City boasted hot and humid weather almost all year round, prompting random thunderstorms.
Kakashi guided her down a hallway empty of any paintings or picture frames, his hair leaving a trail of droplets in his wake just like hers. He looked like a wet dog, and she bit back a giggle when he shook his head to let the water fly everywhere before running a hand through his hair.
But Sakura's eyes drifted past him to study her surroundings as they delved deeper into his lair.
She hadn't known what to expect, but somehow she was disappointed either way. The house was so neat and tidy but also hardly lived in. Very spartan-like.
Save for a boring shade of creamy white, the walls were naked of any decorations.
There was a lone table upon which a bowl for his keys and an alarming number of leashes were folded across, but otherwise... nada. Not one frame of a parent or relative, and just like at his office, there was not even a diploma in display despite the numerous accolades he was rumored to have.
And doesn't he have a dog? She remembered he had been pushing a large bag or two of dog food in his cart at Target but there was no barking dog to greet them at the door or a stray toy littering the floor. It was disappointing to say the least.
He stopped just at the threshold of the living room where she could see just past his broad shoulders a... couch. Or the arm of it, at least.
"It should take maybe half an hour tops to dry your clothes," Kakashi said, jerking a thumb over his other shoulder to where she assumed was his laundry room.
Heck, in her house, she had a laundry area but not a whole freaking room.
Biting her lip, Sakura fingered the dripping hem of her dress. "Um, do you have a laundry bag?"
"A laundry bag? Like those little mesh bags?" Kakashi's brows drew together as he stood perplexed by the strange request. "I do, but I don't think your dress can fit in that..?"
Sakura shifted on her feet. "No, it's just that, um... my panties are wet," she said quietly, peering up at him through her lashes to catch his pale cheeks deepen in color. "A-And the lace is delicate, so..."
His throat bobbed and she swore Kakashi flicked his eyes down her body for just a split second. "I see," he said in a thick voice.
Literally.
Her blush deepened and she laced her hands together over where he could see the fiery red lace panties she'd made the mistake (or not?) of choosing to wear today. Although she would be hard-pressed to admit that she wanted him to look and see all he liked.
As if ashamed of having been caught looking even for a brief moment, Kakashi looked at the bare wall beside him and cleared his throat. "Well, then let's get you out of your clothes—I mean, I-I'll get you some clothes to change in the meantime," he quickly corrected himself. "Come with me."
Kakashi turned and bumped into the wall before correcting his course. If only her face didn't feel as if it would explode any minute now, Sakura would've cracked up at his slight fumble. It would've done well in releasing the tension that'd been charging the moment she'd stepped foot in his house.
Before Sakura could take a proper gander at the living room space or kitchen, Kakashi was taking her up the stairs. With one hand trailing the polished wood of the banister, she clasped a hand over her chest to try and still her heart racing with anticipation.
She'd never imagined one day she would be entering her professor's house let alone to the second floor. Then again, she never imagined she'd be crushing on her teacher at all.
On the way up the stairs, she caught a glimpse of the backyard through the window, including a wagging tail. There was no time to linger and see what kind of dog Kakashi had as they reached the second floor.
She was absolutely gobsmacked by the number of rooms lining the hallway—not even counting the bathrooms. Her own house wasn't so small that it was lacking anyhow, but it was still just a home built for working-class people like her parents who could afford only the standard three bedrooms and two bathrooms.
But Kakashi had one... two... three... four... five... six... seven bedrooms?!
All the doors were closed so Sakura couldn't see if he was hiding any girlfriend or one-night stand in any of the rooms, but right now she was still trying to figure out why a single man like him would have this many rooms in the first place.
Instead of taking her to the room at the end of the hallway, which she guessed was the master bedroom, Kakashi tilted his head towards the sixth room. She followed him in, eager to see the private space of her professor who tended to keep his privacy well-guarded otherwise.
But as soon as Sakura slipped into his room, she found herself just as disappointed as downstairs.
Even here, there wasn't much to look at.
The same bare walls greeted her again, but this time accompanied by a black dresser and bedside tables that held a single frame which she couldn't see quite clearly, and... oh, Mr. Ukki!
Out of glee, she dropped her purse aside and hurried over to check on the plant enjoying the breeze spilling through the window that had been cracked open. "You've been taking care of him!" Sakura said, grinning as she noticed how a couple of new leaves had sprouted since passing ownership to Kakashi.
"Ah, he's been taking care of me too," Kakashi said behind her. She heard him suck in a breath as if he wanted to say something, but then he released a sigh that bordered on another awkward cough. "Um, I'll go prep the dryer then. There are some clothes you can grab in that dresser."
It took a while for Sakura to register those words. By the time she turned around to verify what he'd just said, the door was already closing shut as Kakashi retreated, the latch clicking loudly in place. The stillness of the room immediately settled in and Sakura spun in a slow circle to make sure she was truly alone. That there was no girl naked and dozing under his sheets or some guard dog waiting for her beneath the bed.
After confirming she was alone, her eyes fell back to the queen-sized bed covered by... She tipped a brow at the design on the duvet. Are those kunais? Like the weapons that ninjas use in cartoons?
Chuckling softly, Sakura moved closer to stroke a finger against the soft material. "He really is a dork."
Somehow, the sight of his kunai-patterned duvet was heartwarming to see. Compared to the rest of the house, at least this duvet was proof that her professor wasn't secretly an android posing as a human. Upon closer inspection, she even noticed a few strands of thread fraying at the corners. As if someone—perhaps not a professional but a novice—had taken the time to painstakingly sew the whole thing together by hand.
She looked over to the pillows cased in black silk and lining the head of the bed in a very organized manner. The space between each of the three pillows was so meticulous that it seemed as if Kakashi had taken a ruler and measured out the exact inches.
Well, I hear that people in the military are trained to make their beds super neat and tidy, so maybe that's why? And that was also probably why the corners of his sheets were so crisp and sharp that she was terrified of even grazing her knee against any of them.
Staring at Kakashi's bed a little longer, Sakura's lips started to turn down at the corners. She couldn't help but wonder how many women he'd brought to bed with him in the past years. Or even during this year.
She shook her head and turned her attention to the closet. The doors also doubled as mirrors, Sakura realized as she looked upon her wan face colored by only the barest blush still lingering in her cheeks. She raised a hand to rake through the stringy clumps of hair, cringing at how all her hard work from this morning had been made undone by a little water.
Her eyes trailed down her petite figure, drinking in the horrifying image of her nipples hard and pointy and perfectly visible through the sheer cotton of her dress. Just as visible as her panties.
Sakura groaned aloud.
No wonder Kakashi had taken her to his house despite his reluctance. It was either that or let her walk home practically buck-naked. Sometimes, she really hated how much of a good guy he was because it just made things all the more complicated for her. For the both of them.
With a shake of her head, she turned away and ambled over to the dresser. The first few drawers she opened were gym clothes which he had many sets of, no surprise there. Upon opening the fourth drawer and glimpsing the rows of boxers neatly tucked together, she quickly slid the drawer shut. Thankfully, the next drawer she opened was full of simple white shirts and black shirts which she assumed were for wearing at home, judging by the random hole or two she found in a few.
At the back of her mind, she wondered if her father's shirt was folded away somewhere in the many other drawers she had yet to open, but Sakura tried not to dwell on that. She'd given Kakashi her father's shirt on the first night they'd met, and to wear that shirt now would be... strange. She'd only ever worn on it on the few nights she'd missed her parents terribly. But now that it was Kakashi's, wearing it now would just feel different.
Too intimate.
Grabbing a black shirt with a decently-sized hole just beneath the collar, Sakura dipped her face in and inhaled deeply. Kakashi's scent, dampened by whatever detergent he used, flooded her senses and her lashes fluttered as she drew in another deep breath.
Ugh, I'm such a pervert!
But she was more than content to breathe in the shirt a third time anyway before setting it down to take off her clothes. After setting Kakashi's jacket aside, she nudged the straps of her dress off her shoulders first. The material clung so tightly to her skin that she had to shimmy the dress off until it landed with a wet plop on the floor. Next came her panties, which Sakura was more than glad to be rid of merely for the fact that wearing wet panties was not the most pleasant feeling in the world.
She'd only just folded her dress when Kakashi came knocking again to request her clothes. His hand slipped through the crack of the door as she passed the items to him, and then he was gone, shutting the door for her before Sakura could even say a word of thanks let alone ask where the bathroom was so that she could change there instead of in his bedroom.
It should have felt wrong to change in this room of all places. It should have terrified her, to get naked in another man's bedroom. An older man's bedroom.
What if he had cameras installed to spy on her? That was the sort of question she'd worry about had it been another man's house or even a hotel. But with Kakashi, she knew he was not the kind of man to do that. For sure, he was a pervert, but not that kind of pervert.
To Sakura, this only felt right. Risque, but right.
Which was why she didn't mind wearing Kakashi's shirt either.
She could tell the quality was rich the moment the length of the shirt slid down her breasts and stomach like silk, prompting a hum of pleasure from her. The material was so soft that it felt like she was wearing nothing. Well, besides the shirt itself, she really was wearing absolutely nothing.
Sakura smiled as she ran her hands down the front of the shirt, her nipples still stiff but tingling as Kakashi's scent engulfed her. Briefly, she wondered if his scent would stick to her skin for the rest of the day.
She hoped so.
Turning to the closet's mirror, she eyed herself in the reflection. The shirt hung just above her knees, but the collar hung so far off her shoulder that it almost reached her elbow. She wasn't aiming for the bedroom look, so she tried adjust the collar to have it balance on both shoulders. It only made things worse as the collar drooped so far down her front that it just barely covered her nipples.
Okay, off-shoulder look it is then.
After adjusting the collar back to the first position, Sakura slid aside the mirrored door to rifle through for some pants that might fit her.
Her eyes skimmed past the same shades of blue, grey, white, and black as if Kakashi was as depressed as the house. And the house was depressing enough as it was on the outside, but that was no excuse to have such limited range in colors! The only exception in his closet was an olive-green dress shirt that looked far too expensive for her to even breathe on, so she stepped aside to peer at the small shelf lined with some trinkets.
The bottom levels of the shelf held boxes filled with rolls of camera film, probably for the camera that was sitting on his bedside table. It was the expensive kind of camera too; the kind that professional photographers touted around for work. Sakura was tempted to turn on the camera and scroll through the gallery, curious of what kind of photos someone like Kakashi would take, but she didn't want to touch something that had a price tag worth a whole year of college.
She moved onto the next levels of the shelf which were more flashy with a display of watches, some of which were engraved with random letters, numbers, or insignias that she couldn't decipher. For some reason, all the watches had their minute and hour hands positioned at the 7:27 time mark.
Was Kakashi that neurotic or was it just one very strange coincidence?
Sakura squinted at one of the insignias that marked a pocket watch. It was simple in design with one line curling into a spiral and a second line sweeping out from the bottom, the image reminiscent of a flame.
She raised her gaze to the next shelf right above her head, only to step back in concern at the sight of a small velvet box teetering over the edge of the platform. The box seemed too small to fit a wristwatch like the collection below, but it definitely looked too expensive for Sakura to just let it fall to the ground the next time Kakashi opened his closet.
Standing up on tiptoes, she grabbed the box and moved it back into a more secure spot, but then paused. Curiosity itched within her and, before she knew it, she was setting back down on her heels with the box cradled in her palm.
Carefully, Sakura pried the container open, and then nearly dropped it the moment her eyes landed on the ruby ring nestled within. The gemstone glinted brightly even in the dark room, its brilliance matched by the silver band it sat upon. And if Sakura angled the box just right, she could make out the words engraved on the inside of the band.
"Always and forever," Sakura whispered the words aloud, feeling as if she'd just recited a curse.
Kakashi stared at the lace red panties he'd been holding in his hand for far too long now. Half of him wondered when the FBI was going to come bursting through his door, and the other half of him wondered what would it be like to take a whiff of that particular wet spot at the very center of the panty's bridge. And it was a very thin bridge, considering the entire item was made of lace that Sakura reminded him was delicate.
She didn't need to remind him, of course. He knew very well how delicate lace panties could be. And she also hadn't needed to point out how wet her panties were—he could see them clearly on her whether he'd wanted to or not. With that fire truck red color, it had been impossible to not notice, though he'd tried to be discreet... at first.
She's wearing hipster style today, Kakashi mused to himself.
He'd been studying her panties for longer than necessary (which it wasn't necessary at all), unable to move the moment he'd picked the precious item up with his bare hands. And it wasn't as if he'd wanted to touch her panties with his bare, greedy hands! It would be excessive to wear gloves or use tongs.
Besides, it was just a pair of panties.
Her panties, to be exact.
This is jailbait, he warned himself. But he couldn't bring himself to put the panties down the same way he couldn't bring himself to pull the panties closer. The last time he'd been stuck in such a difficult conundrum was when he'd had to defend his team's bomb specialist from a squad of insurgents closing in on them. No, actually that was much easier than the issue he faced right now.
Kakashi swallowed hard, still eyeing that specific wet stain on the center of the bridge. His nose twitched as he could pick up just the faintest notes of a sweet musk; a scent so light but compelling enough to keep him frozen like a statue, just inhaling the trace of her with as much restraint as he could muster.
Yeah, taking on a squad of insurgents would be far easier than holding his student's wet panties.
Honestly, he wasn't sure if Sakura had done this intentionally. Accept his invitation to step inside his house—alone with him—with her dress soaked through and clinging to her every curve, her colorful panties swaying side to side as she walked around like a red flag.
His fingers pinched tight on either side of the panties as Kakashi warred with himself for a moment longer before the sound of footsteps interrupted him. Panic erupted, but it was enough motivation to make him finally move and shove the panties into the mesh laundry bag and chuck it into the dryer along with the pretty little dress she'd dared to wear today.
And why was she dressed up today?
"Mr. Hatake?" Sakura called to him, sounding just a little ways away but also lost.
He watched the panties spin around and around in the dryer for a second just to gather enough courage to step outside and meet Sakura.
He followed her light scent into the living room, but froze at the sight of her standing around in nothing but his shirt. The clothing was so large on her petite frame that the collar hung dangerously low off one shoulder, nearly reaching her elbow. If she sat down, the whole thing might swallow her up. But even though the fit was horrendous, Kakashi had to admit that his shirt looked damn good on her.
Or rather, he liked his shirt on her. It might've stroked his male ego to see something personal of his wrapped around her otherwise nude body, and he quickly tried to reign in that ego of his before it got the best of him.
But she looks so good wearing nothing but my shirt, that perverted side of him spoke up. She'd look even better wearing nothing at all though, Kakashi mused back before shoving such depraved thoughts all the way to the far corners of his mind.
Her hair was still damp, the droplets falling onto the black fabric as she pivoted in a slow circle to drink in the space around her. She jolted when she caught him standing there, watching her like some creep, but she said nothing as she stared back at him almost warily.
"Professor Hatake," Sakura started while he tried very hard not to ogle the stiff peaks of her nipples pointing through his shirt.
But it was that word, 'Professor', that had finally slapped some sense back into Kakashi.
Needing to put some space between them, he almost tripped over his feet in his hurry to the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink while waiting for the rain to let up?" he called to her as he rummaged through the cupboards for the sugar he kept specifically for guests. Glancing over his shoulder, he crinkled his eyes at her. "Just some hot chocolate though. You're not yet legal for the grown-up stuff."
Silence was his only answer, but Kakashi grabbed a mug and a packet of hot chocolate powder to make her that drink anyway. If only to keep himself distracted and away from her.
The noise of the spoon clanging around inside the ceramic mug filled the charged silence, each 'clang' resonating painfully aloud in the house.
"Profess... Mr. Hatake," Sakura said quietly from the living room. "Why are you doing this?"
The spoon froze in his hand at the question. For a moment, all Kakashi could do was stare at his reflection dancing in the chocolate liquid as he struggled for an answer—a lie. But for some reason, he just couldn't lie to her. Even if it would be for her own good.
He gripped the handle of the spoon tighter to start mixing the drink again. "I... I care about you," he managed to say, keeping the spoon clanging loud to cover up the croak of his voice. "Because you're my student, so I... I have a degree of responsibility over you," he added at the last minute.
Finally, Kakashi turned around only to find Sakura smiling at him, yet the corners of her mouth were tinged with a strange sadness. For him or for her, he couldn't tell. She looked away to wander over to a shelf filled with novels, her small fingers daintily tracing the spine as she hummed aloud.
He stood almost mesmerized by Sakura's strange behavior, watching as she paused at the end of the shelf to study a collection of vinyl records that had been collecting dust for ages now. She picked up one of the records wedged at the bottom of the stack and blew the dust off the cover.
Something in Kakashi's chest squeezed at the sight of the old but familiar cover art decorating the record. It was one of Obito's.
"Do you mind?" Sakura asked, gesturing to the turntable propped beside the shelf.
Clenching the mug in his hand, he nodded and watched on as she slipped the record in place and adjusted the stylus over the disc. He was surprised she knew how to handle a turntable, having expected that young people nowadays preferred their headphones instead. But if there was anything he'd learned about Sakura since meeting her that night, it was that she was full of surprises.
The vinyl stuttered for a second before the first few notes began to play, low at first until Sakura twisted the knob at the side to raise the volume, flooding the house with life and music.
She started to bob her head in time to the music's beat, and then her shoulders and hips followed with a rhythmic sway.
"Do you dance, Mr. Hatake?" Sakura asked him over the music.
"No, I don't dance," Kakashi automatically said, but he found his feet stepping closer and closer until he was leaning against the side of the couch to watch Sakura jive away.
She gave him that same smile from earlier, sweet and mischievous with a hint of sadness. "Hm, that's a shame," she purred before twirling on her feet.
Her shirt—or his shirt—ballooned dangerously high up her thighs as she spun, giving Kakashi the perfect view of her long, toned legs.
Feeling himself falling into temptation again, Kakashi tried to look away and pay no heed to her. But it was impossible. Soon enough, his eyes were drawn back to her lithe form dancing about his living room as if she was some fairy flitting about without a care in the world after the storm had washed her up for him to find. She was graceful and light on her feet, and when she crooked a finger for him to come join her, he couldn't help but quirk a smile.
His finger started to tap a rhythm against the mug he still gripped as Kakashi felt a sudden feeling surge through him, light and exuberant. Even though he'd kept the windows shut and the blinds closed, somehow the room was brighter and warmer.
"C'mon!" Sakura pleaded with him, giggling as she spun around the room with her arms with open. "You have to—"
"—dance with me at the wedding," Rin insisted, pouting up at him as he kept himself balanced on the stool at the back of the tailor's shop.
"Says who?"
"Says the bride!"
Kakashi threw her an exasperated look over the tailor's bald head. "Obito will be dancing with you."
As if in punishment for that, the tailor's needle pricked the thin skin of his ankle. Kakashi held back a wince as Rin glared at him.
"But you have to be the one to dance with me first," she pressed him. "That's the rule!"
"I've never heard of this rule," Kakashi said, turning to face the mirror and study his outfit.
"And I've never had a wedding before either!" Rin retorted as she swept around the tailor to stand between Kakashi and the mirror. "C'mon, the wedding has been in the works for months now and I'm about ready to walk down the aisle. Just seven more months and then once we come back from our last tour, I'll be hearing wedding bells instead of bomb alarms," she sighed sweetly, her eyes taking on a dreamy stare at his cufflinks as she fantasized the dress she'd been getting measured for.
Noticing his disinterest, she broke out of her reverie and propped both hands on her hips, signaling to Kakashi that she was dead set on this decision and there was no way he could get out of it. He sighed back at her stubbornness and pretended to dust some lint off the gawdy tassels of his suit's ornamental shoulder pieces.
"Are you even listening?"
"Hat or no hat?" he asked her, grabbing his suit's matching cap and tucking it over his head before taking it off. He honestly hated wearing hats since it meant wearing a whole tub of gel in his hair to keep every lock slicked back and in place, but military ceremonies were especially keen on formal attire and his position often required him to wear hats. Still, he could make an exception for the wedding this time.
"We have seven months until the wedding," Rin reminded him, stealing the hat from his hands to force his attention back onto her. "Meaning we have seven months for you to learn how to dance."
Kakashi froze and eyed her mischievous smile in the mirror.
Oh, no.
As if reading his mind, Rin's smile widened as she nodded at him. "Oh, yes."
Kakashi's smile faltered at the memory, but he continued watching Sakura until the last notes of the song faded away, leaving the vinyl spinning in silence.
Sakura flopped onto the couch, letting her legs dangle over the arm as she panted for breath. Her chest rose and fell as she ran a hand through her rosy locks. She smiled up at Kakashi, and there it was again. That very picture of temptation and innocence as she lay stretched out across his couch with the hem of his shirt pooling precariously on her lap and leaving little to the imagination.
With her legs slung over the arm of the couch, she swung her feet back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...
Kakashi felt spellbound in place as he gripped the mug so tight with both hands that he feared the ceramic would shatter. But he would rather that than allow himself to stroke a hand across one of her bare legs.
One of his recent dreams had been eerily similar to this where Sakura had been laying on his couch and wearing one of his shirts exactly as she was now. Except instead of panting for breath after her little dance break, he'd dreamt of her panting for him as she hooked a knee over the back of the couch to keep her legs spread and slide a hand down, fingering herself for both her pleasure and his. She had been soaking wet, just like she probably still was right now even though it was just from the rain. And she'd call his name, hips rocking into the heel of her hand as she filled his dream with sweet moans, sighs, and squelches.
Kakashi was disgusted with himself.
He was supposed to be ensuring Sakura's wellbeing and safety. Not having depraved thoughts about her.
Moving past her, he set the mug of chocolate on the table, wishing he could just spill it all over himself and let the pain punish him.
The scent of chocolate had Sakura sitting up, and she flashed Kakashi a grateful smile as she reached for the drink to take a sip. Warmth flooded her insides, but she had already been feeling hot anyway. Hot and aching.
There was something arousing about laying down on your professor's couch wearing nothing but his shirt. Or maybe it had been the titillating way Kakashi had held her gaze as he loomed over her from behind the couch.
She thought that hunger in his eyes—the same one from the pool—had returned again, but then he'd moved to set the mug down for her and sit himself in the armchair opposite of the couch. The coffee table kept them separated like a barrier, but Sakura bided her time as she sipped at her chocolate.
'You're not yet legal for the grown-up stuff.'
The comment had stung, and she would've preferred that Kakashi punch her in the gut than say something so patronizing like that. He'd never spoken to her like a child before, so what had compelled him to say such a thing? Was it possible that he was mad at her for what happened at the pool? But hadn't he wanted the same thing?
But what about the ring? The 'always and forever' that was engraved on the band?
"I'm sorry," Sakura said quietly. She lifted her stare from her reflection in the mug to Kakashi's confused face. "For what happened between us at the gym."
Sucking in a breath, Kakashi leaned forward to rest both elbows on his knees, looking ready to finally discuss what had happened.
"And with your girlfriend," Sakura shook her head, her lips pressed together to hold back the bile within. "I-I'm so stupid! I don't know why I thought you didn't-"
"My girlfriend?" Kakashi was frowning now. "I don't have a girlfriend."
"You... don't?"
His frown deepened and he leaned back to cross his arms. "What made you think that I do?"
Well, she had seen the ring and he had been carrying flowers around. Of course she would assume he had started seeing someone! "I-I mean, I know you said that you don't have a wife or kids, but it still wouldn't be unusual for a man of your age to already have a girlfriend at least."
"No, I don't have a girlfriend," Kakashi affirmed. "It's just me... and my dogs," he added, casting a look aside to the sliding door which likely led to the backyard.
"Oh." Sakura nodded slowly, relieved but also somewhat sad for him.
In a house as large as this one, it was meant to be full of life and laughter. Not act as a shell housing a lonely man whittling his days in the dark, cold gloom.
If she had the chance to live in it for free, she would have refused the offer, to be honest. A house was a house, but a home was something that you made for yourself and your loved ones. This was not a home; this was a prison. And despite its beauty and generous size, the whole house was just way too big, way too empty, and way too depressing.
The longer she stayed here, the more Sakura felt as if her soul was being eaten away by something.
She eyed the record player, wishing she could pop in another vinyl record to brighten up the room again.
"I should be the one who's sorry," Kakashi said, his voice soft but bitter. She looked to him, seeing the way he stared at his palms with what seemed like great enmity. "What happened at the gym was my fault. Not yours."
"But I was the one on top of you," argued Sakura.
"But I'm the adult here," Kakashi contended.
She scowled at him. There it was again. "Just because I'm a lot younger than you, that doesn't mean I'm a child. I knew exactly what I was doing."
"I don't mean to infantilize you, Miss Haruno," Kakashi tried to appease her, but that he called Sakura by her last name even though they were outside of school did the opposite of appeasement.
"Then don't," Sakura snapped at him, standing up to ball her hands. "You didn't treat me like a child then, so don't start doing it now."
She didn't know how their apologies had somehow devolved into an argument, but she felt awful when Kakashi wearily scrubbed a hand down his face. She didn't mean to be stubborn or rude, but Sakura believed this was the only chance she had to assert the truth of her feelings. If she didn't do it now, she would've regretted it forever.
"You know that there is something going on between us," she spoke gently, taking slow and steady steps closer to him. Kakashi stood up, alarmed by her approach and looking more than ready to bolt out of his own house. Sakura didn't stop. "At the beginning, I thought I was imagining it. But then, at the pool, I felt you and..."
Once she stood mere inches apart from him, Sakura raised a hand and pressed her palm against Kakashi's chest.
"Your heart," she whispered, feeling his heartbeat race beneath her fingertips, "it's beating so fast. Just like mine."
His thick lashes fluttered as Sakura took his other hand and drew it to her chest, allowing him to feel how quickly her heart beat for him. She watched Kakashi as he closed his eyes, his throat shifting at the feel of her heart thumping wildly under his hand.
Sakura waited for him to admit the same. Wanted him to confess exactly what his heart was telling her right now.
Instead, Kakashi shook his head and pulled his hand back to shove it into the pocket of his sweatpants. "This relationship between us... Our relationship as student and teacher," he emphasized, "has become inappropriate and, as the teacher here, that's on me. I'm sorry for—"
"For what?" Sakura scoffed. "If you think we're being inappropriate and you're so sorry about that then why are you letting me wear nothing but your shirt? In your house?"
Kakashi at least had the decency to look ashamed as he swept past her to position himself behind the couch as he did before. To put a barrier between them again. "Because you're... wet," he said weakly.
They both knew how pathetic of an excuse that was.
"You're nice to me and then you're cold. You touch me and then you suddenly don't want to touch me. You say our relationship is inappropriate but then you keep… doing things that make me feel special and important to you," she said, her voice starting to wobble now. The lump had returned and Sakura swallowed it back down along with the bile. "You keep making me think that you care about me—"
"I do care about you," Kakashi told her even as his face slipped back into that cold mask of indifference.
He might as well have slapped her.
With a shake of her head, Sakura barked out a cold laugh. "You see? That's exactly what I'm talking about. And I know what you're going to say next is that you only care about me as a teacher would with his student. Tell me the truth—is this just a game to you?"
Kakashi, damn him, merely glanced at the mug of hot chocolate she had left on the coffee table. As if he wanted to offer her a second cup just to end this conversation. "I'm your professor," he replied, running away from the elephant in the room exactly as she'd predicted.
Her blood was boiling mad now.
"A professor shouldn't know his student's menstruation schedule," Sakura reminded him, seething with fury and impatience when he didn't even flinch at the accusation. "A professor shouldn't be reading porn novels in her presence, giving her rides in his car and taking her to his house, or... or having erections around her. He shouldn't be touching her or looking at her in ways that make her feel… special," she spat the word out, spiteful of it now.
It abhorred her, to have her professor witness her throwing a tantrum like this. And the fact that Kakashi looked upon her as if she was proving his point only made Sakura's face flush hotter and redder. From humiliation and from anger.
"This is all my fault," Kakashi said, sighing heavily and shaking his head either in disappointment or disapproval at himself. It made him look like a teacher who blamed himself for his student's failing grades, and the image only incensed Sakura further.
"You say that it's your fault, but you don't take responsibility!" She strode over to him and Kakashi reeled back from her as she jabbed a finger in his face. "Every time you try—every time you push me away to stop it—you just go back to pulling me in again! And I know I'm partly to blame for that too since I... I can't stay away from you even if you begged me to—"
"No, that's my fault too." He gently took her finger and moved it aside so she could bear witness to the shame heavy in his gaze. "I'm the adult here and—"
"There you go infantilizing me again!" Sakura snarled, absolutely done with his shit already. She buried her hands in her hair, wanting nothing more than to yank the hair out. "Just stop it already! How many times do I have to tell you that I knew exactly what I was doing?" she demanded, but seeing Kakashi's crestfallen face sapped away some of her anger.
It wasn't entirely his fault. It was her fault too. It wasn't as if he'd forced her to do anything she hadn't wanted to do, and she had always known every decision of hers had been wrong and immoral. Neither of them was blind to the problem at hand, but they had both chosen to ignore it.
"But even though I'm so pissed at you... I don't hate you," Sakura admitted, her words frail and weary but enough to have Kakashi raising his face for her. She peered over to the mug on the table and let out a dry laugh. "I don't hate you for what you're doing because I know you're just trying to do what's right. And now I realize it's really all my fault. I should have never... I should have never let you into my heart."
Kakashi started for her. "Sakura-"
BEEEEP!
The abrupt noise of the dryer announcing her clothes were done snapped Sakura back to reality.
And the reality was that Kakashi would always see her as a student he felt obligated to protect. To him, his feelings didn't matter when he first and foremost would always maintain his position as her professor. Nothing more and nothing less.
"I want to change back into my clothes," Sakura told him. "Right now."
"It's still raining," he muttered.
"I don't care."
"Let me drive you."
"There you go again!" she snapped at him. "You do things that make me feel special! If you're going to push me away then at least do it properly!"
His eyes hardened into a steely gaze that normally would've set her back in her place, but Sakura was far too enraged to care. They were like oil and water, staring hard at each other, mentally clashing and insisting for the other to cave in.
"Then what do you want me to do?" Kakashi asked, his jaw feathered with tension beneath the mask like he himself was just as pissed as her.
"Take responsibility and... and kiss me," she breathed out, her gaze softening into a silent plea.
Kakashi violently jerked back as if she'd just asked him to punch her instead. He grabbed onto the back of the couch to steady himself, his knuckles whitening as he grounded out, "You don't know what you're saying."
"I do," Sakura murmured as she barely had the courage to even say such a thing. "I told you, I'm not a child."
"Then you know I can't kiss you," he retorted through gritted teeth.
"Yes, you can," Sakura whispered to him, inching closer to reach a hand for his chest again, driven too much by desperation and need to care about the immorality of this whole thing anymore. Kakashi's jaw remained clenched shut as she laid a hand on his chest to feel his heart that was still jumping wildly as earlier, revealing the truth he refused to say. "I know you want to, and so do I."
"I'm twice your age," he croaked out.
"I don't care."
The answer caught Kakashi off guard as if he'd expected his age to deter her. Little did he know that it was the exact opposite.
His eyes searched hers, his gaze smoky with the same need she shamelessly bore for him. But just like Sakura, Kakashi was a stubborn man too, and he wrenched himself away from her. His chest rose as he drew in a ragged breath and gripped the roots of his unruly hair still limp from the rain.
"The last thing I want," he said, voice thick and gravelly, "is to kiss my own underage student."
Sakura gaped at him, his words cutting deeper than any other insult that had ever been slung her way. It was one thing for him to hurt her unintentionally, but this had definitely been intentional. And that, she would not stand for.
As if sensing her rage heat up the room, Kakashi took a step back from her, wedging some distance between them again. "Don't be upset. You're asking me to kiss you because you think that's what you want. It's not. You don't know what you want."
There he was, treating her like a stupid kid again!
"I know what I want, Kakashi!" Sakura beseeched him, wishing he would just find reason in this madness. "I want you... and I know you want me too."
"You don't know anything," Kakashi retorted, but he refused to meet her eye.
"That's your best defense?" She glared daggers at him. "I don't know this? I don't know that? No, it's you who doesn't know anything! I know that for almost my entire life, I have been wanting something that I thought was impossible to have... until I met you. So don't tell me I don't know anything. I'm young, but not dumb."
"No, you're not," Kakashi said, finally meeting her eye. "But you are a virgin, and that's the last thing I want from a girl."
Sakura's stomach dropped at the words—the insult—the lie he had dared to throw in her face. He knew very well that she was sensitive about that, and he'd played it to his advantage to hurt her feelings. To push her away as he liked to do when it was convenient for him.
How dare he use that against her? How dare he mock her for something that was completely out of her control? It wasn't her fault that she had been forced into an engagement that she had no agency over! A part of Sakura wanted to shout the truth and beat it into Kakashi if she had to. She wanted to tell him that she was still a virgin because of a stupid piece of paper binding her to Sasuke Uchiha of all people.
But Kakashi had looked away from her again, and she knew he couldn't be bothered to listen to her anymore. It was bad enough that he had tried to gaslight her about the truth of her feelings for him—try to tell her that what she felt for him wasn't real. But that he had the gall to lie to her face when they were both aware of the truth was just as hurtful.
"Give me my clothes back," she demanded.
This time, he heeded her and left to retrieve her clothes from the dryer. When he returned with her dress and panties neatly folded in his arms, she snatched at them and didn't wait for him to turn around as she grabbed the hem of his shirt to yank it off herself.
Goosebumps broke across her arms the moment she slipped his shirt over her head and threw it onto the couch. The house had fallen deathly silent and cold again, leaving her shivering and itching to leave more than ever.
Kakashi kept his back turned to her as she pulled her dress on and then stepped into her panties.
As Sakura collected her purse from where he'd placed it on the couch, she stared at Kakashi's back a little longer. His shoulders were hunched into a slouch again, and pity twinged in her chest briefly at the sight of him standing alone in such an open space.
But he had chosen this, and she couldn't change his mind just as he couldn't change hers.
Pushing past him, Sakura made her way to the door, her eyes burning hot with tears she struggled to hold back with every step she took. Releasing the deadbolt over the knob, she paused and glanced back to find Kakashi staring forlornly at her from the hallway.
The darkness seemed to curl in around Kakashi's shoulders, tugging him away from her and into its embrace.
"The last thing that I want," Sakura said to him, "is a man who lies to himself."
He flinched, and Sakura didn't bother to bid him goodbye as she left.
The door shut behind her, locking Kakashi in the prison of his own house once more.
A/N: The next update will be in April as I will be very busy for the rest of March. I'm about to move, which is why this update was late because I've been slogging through a lot of paperwork and phone calls. Your patience is much appreciated!
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