Chapter 4 — Together Again

Casey was waiting for Ryo by the front set of doors. Without a word he lead Ryo thought the darkened club, up the set of stairs and down a hallway, through a door into the light of a small, but cozy, flat. As soon as the door closed they embraced. A thousand questions raced through their heads, but only one came out: "I'm so happy to see you!" They laughed and broke apart, but not far.

"Tea?" Casey moved towards the small open kitchen to the left. "Or something a bit stronger? I've got lots of wine, beer, liquor...?"

"Ah, sure...tea's fine."

Casey bustles about the kitchen, heating water and getting mugs while Ryo let himself move about the room. It was an open flat, only the bathroom was its own room. The bed lay off to the right in the corner, bamboo wall hangings separating it from the rest of the apartment. In front of Ryo was a table, chairs, usual stuff for a living room/dining room. Posters of rock bands, old and new, adored the wall; the Ramones, David Bowie, Goo Goo Dolls, No Doubt, The Beatles. Even a poster of Gackt.

"Here," Casey's voice broke Ryo from his inner thoughts. He turned around and accepted a steaming mug of tea. "It's just regular black tea. Do you want milk, sugar, or honey?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks."

The awkward silence followed until Casey motioned Ryo to sit at the table. Once seated he spoke, "It's so good to see you."

"And you. I—I hadn't expected to see you again.........when you said I wouldn't......" Ryo blushed and looked down at the mug.

"I hadn't expected it either. Even though we're in Tokyo.......I didn't think you were much of a big city person."

"I'm not, just that the guys and me had some time off together for once so we opted for a trip to Tokyo. Since when did you become so good in Japanese? You didn't seem to speak it at all, last time."

"Oh," Casey said into his mug. "I took a class...couple years back. Right after I left Japan. It is a very cool language. I love to sing in it."

"Would you—nevermind." Ryo said hastily.

"What? Tell me, please."

"Would you sing for me, sometime?" he looked at Casey though his bangs.

Casey smiled, "Yes, I'd like that."

"Is there where you live?"

"No, not really. This is just a place, incase I'm too tired to drive back or if someone wants a place to crash."

"So you still live in the house?"

"Oh, no. I sold that place a year ago. Wasn't using it, got a great deal on it too. Used that money to open this place up. I got a complex on the otherside of town, almost out of the city."

"Oh."

"Enough about me, what about you? How are you?"

Ryo shrugged, "Not much to say, really."

"Ryo, don't lie to me. Please, you can talk to me. I want to help, if I can."

"It's not...wrong. Not in the way it was. Sage has remained truthful and hasn't laid a hand on me in hate. And for all reasons it is perfect. Except...." Ryo broke off.

"Except?" Casey urged.

"There is no passions, no spark anymore. It's all so predictable. So boring." Ryo sat down heavily in a chair. "Christ, when I say it like that. I—I never thought," he shook his head and took a big gulp of tea. "I don't think I've admitted it to myself. But now that I've voiced it out loud, I guess there really is no turning back, is there?"

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"And say WHAT exactly? Sage, I'm sorry, but after all we've been through I loved you more when you were being abusive? I want to call it quits? No. I can't."

"Because he'll hurt you?"

"No, because I'd hurt him. We've tried so hard.....we can't give up now. I still love him, just, it's not the same. And I wish to God I knew why."

"I'm sorry."

"No, I lied. I think I do know why. I didn't realize it until now. Not until I saw you again."

"Ryo. Matte. Stop. Don't go there. We had this conversation before, remember?" Casey pushed himself up from the table and walked a few feet off.

"It was fine for back then but what about now! Things change, Casey. People change. Feelings change. And sometimes they don't at all. I still have feelings for you—"

"Ryo. Don't." Casey abruptly turned to face him. His face was stern.

"Why not? Don't you dare tell me you don't have any feeling for me. I'm not stupid. I've been around the block long enough to recognize what those looks mean. And you know them too."

"Alright. So what do you want? You want to go behind Sage's back? Have an affair? Call me over while he's gone to the store for a quickie?" Casey's voice went cold.

"No, it wouldn't be like that....."

"Would you leave him? Is that trust Ryo? Is it?"

"Why are you getting so upset at me?"

"Because I need to know! How can I trust you if you'll just up and leave me like that? Would you do it to me if something better came along?"

"I wouldn't!"

"What would Sage do? Can you tell me that? Would he just gracefully step aside? Or would he turn on you? On me?"

"Where is this coming from? Case, please. Don't be like this."

Casey sank back down into his chair. "Something my sister brought up. She's not usually wrong about stuff."

"That may be, but she can be wrong." Ryo reached across the table to lay a hand over Casey's.

"And frankly I wouldn't care to have some bullets shot into my head. Because that's what he might do. He's fully capable. He could turn to be no better then—then Julian."

"Casey, no, he wouldn't, he couldn't!"

"I don't want to see you get hurt! And contrary to popular belief I'm not all that immortal. A few bullets to the head is all that it would take. And he could turn on you. Maybe he'd rather see you dead then with me....I can't have that happen again. Don't you see?"

"You really need to stop over dramatizing everything."

Casey let out a long sigh. "I can't help it."

"Drama Queen."

"I know, I've always got to have the spot light."

"Now that you have that out of your system. We won't know until we try and frankly I want to give it a go. I still love you."

"Who could resist such a face." A slight pause. "You might as well come over here and kiss me."

Ryo gave him a big silly grin and practically flew into Casey's lap. Coming together again felt wonderful. Felt right. Felt secure. The passion Ryo so missed with Sage was found again in Casey. The kiss left them both breathless. "I love you." Casey whispered.

They stumbled and fumbled for the bed, leaving a trail of clothes in their wake.

"Are you sure? He'll know—." Casey asked.

He was silenced by Ryo's fingers on his lips. "Make me feel again."

Casey asked no more questions.

Across town Sage rolled over and expected to find a warm body to cuddle close to. When his arms touched cold, empty space he woke. "Ryo?" his voice was hushed, worried. When no reply came he said it louder. "Ryo?" The static of the room was enough of a reply for him. Ryo was gone. He had left him. He expected to be angry, but he did not expect the tears to come or the overwhelming sadness to grip his chest like a vice. He wrapped his body around Ryo's pillow and cried alone in the darkness. Anger would come later. Tonight all he had was his grief.