The Anatomy of Love
Written By: Banana007
Chapter 27: Love and Loneliness
The soft strum of a guitar roused Kakashi from the darkness, prompting him to peel his eyes open. Or rather—one eye.
His left eye remained strapped shut by something light and soft, but itchy against his face.
Kakashi bolted upright, one hand reaching for his throbbing eye and the other reaching for the gun under his pillow. He stopped when a hot throb of pain lanced through his shoulder, preventing him from leaping straight into action. But the momentary pause gave him the chance to realize he was laying in a medical cot, surrounded by white hospital curtains hardly thick enough to conceal the figures moving about on the other side.
A fly buzzing by the crate beside his bed caught Kakashi's attention and he squinted through his one eye to study the fly flit over to the discarded pile of soiled bandages. He scooted closer to the bed's edge only to wince from the hot prick of pain just above his right hip. He glanced down at the bandages wrapped around his stomach—fresh but tinged red where the pain continued to stab him.
Touching the bandages wrapped snug around his shoulder, Kakashi peered around the edge of the curtain to glimpse a young woman wearing a white-collared dress and a white cap with a red cross sitting atop her head. He watched the nurse tend to a man moaning in agony and flailing the bandaged stumps of what remained of his legs.
With the stench of rot starting to get to him now that he was awake, Kakashi slipped off his bed and past his privacy curtain. The medical tent he'd been taken to was clearly past max capacity, and the nurses and doctors were obviously overrun by the number of patients still flooding in by stretchers. Nobody minded the young Hatake as he shuffled by the medical staff running around to perform triage, their smocks smeared with blood and sometimes what looked like puke.
He took his time to peek into as many cots as possible, but each soldier Kakashi laid eyes on only set his heart racing with worry. He couldn't tell if it was a good thing that Obito wasn't in any of these cots, or if it was a bad thing. The more he thought of Obito's body pulled off a cot to free up space and dump him with the other dead soldiers who hadn't made it, the faster Kakashi rushed through the curtains, ripping them back and prompting shouts of protests from the nurses.
"Can somebody fix my radio?" someone asked amid the chaos.
Gripping his bandaged hip, Kakashi spun towards the male voice. It had come from behind a closed curtain further down the tent where he could hear someone else's radio music faltering. When he ripped back the curtain, Obito was already sitting up and trying to shake some life back into the radio sputtering in his one free hand.
"Ah! Nurse, could you..." The words died on Obito's tongue as he looked up.
The surprise was soon wiped away by a grin as Obito drank in the sight of the bandaged soldier standing before him.
"Well, look who's finally up! Took you long enough! When I dropped by your cot this morning, I was so bored of waiting you for that I almost pulled your mask down to doodle a mustache on you. But it seems you've already got one growing anyway," Obito chuckled, gesturing to the exposed half of his mouth where a bit of stubble was beginning to grow around. The other half of his mouth—or face—was covered with a white cloth stained with red and piss-yellow splotches.
Kakashi touched his jaw, feeling his own stubble scratch his fingertips through the thin mask.
"You missed breakfast," Obito casually continued, still banging the top of his dying radio. "They were feeding us bricks again."
"Peanut butter flavor?" Kakashi asked as he sat down at the edge of the cot, mindful of his friend's right arm and leg that were both propped up in casts.
Obito's nose wrinkled in disdain. "Nah, it tasted like shit this time. Like, actual shit."
"Hm, why do I smell bull?"
"Must be my breath," Obito glanced up from his radio to give him a ghost of a grin. "Told you breakfast was shit."
Kakashi felt his lips twitch with a smile. Despite his friend's current crippled state, he still hadn't lost his humor at least.
"So what did the doctors say?" Kakashi waved a hand towards the leg and arm suspended in casts, though his focus was the bandaged half of Obito's face.
"That I'm still the most handsome man alive," Obito began to chuckle only for his grin to stretch into a grimace. He sucked in a deep breath to let the pain pass first before setting his radio aside. "I still gotta go through a couple more surgeries, but they said I would've needed an amputation had she not arrived in time to help me."
"She?"
Obito's face took on a dreamy look. "My angel."
Kakashi tipped a brow. "How hard did that rock hit your head?"
Just as he asked that, the rings of the curtain screeched as the privacy screen was yanked aside, revealing a young woman with her olive shirt stained with sweat and blood. She was already glaring at them both and Kakashi stood up quickly but not because he'd been caught loitering around.
"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to find you already up and about," Rin sighed, tugging off a pair of very bloody medical gloves.
"Rin..?" Kakashi stepped closer to her, uncertain if whatever drugs he was doped on was making him hallucinate now. Because the last time he'd seen Rin was almost a year ago when they'd argued about her joining field duty rather than staying safely in a hospital wing or behind an office desk. "What are you doing here?" he demanded, grabbing her arm to make sure she was real.
She gave him a comforting pat on the hand like a mother calming her upset child. "Same as you. I got top marks in my class so they decided to have me graduate earlier than scheduled. Isn't that wonderful?"
No, Kakashi thought over the wave of panic slowly crashing down on him. No, to see her so close to danger—to the front lines—was not wonderful at all.
"Guess you're not the only prodigy in town now," Rin smirked, oblivious to the color draining from Kakashi's face. While he was still processing the feeling of doom that followed her words, she proceeded to pick up a clipboard holding Obito's chart. "Nawaki's here too, by the way. Doctor Tsunade is going to be so stoked to see him! He's excited to see you too!"
"They deployed you to the frontlines?" he rasped out, still focused on her earlier words rather than her mention of Tsunade's brother.
Rin gave him a 'duh!' look. "Well, yeah, I asked them to!"
"You asked?" Kakashi had to sit himself back down lest he sprint over to the nearest officer and demand for an evac. Feeling Obito gawking at them, Kakashi raked in a deep breath to calm himself down. "But you barely just graduated, Rin. It's too soon for you to be deployed."
Sensing the disapproval in his otherwise neutral tone, Rin frowned. "But you were seventeen when you deployed."
"That's different."
"Why?" She tilted her head, her once-warm smile now seemingly frozen on her face. "Because you're a guy and I'm a girl?"
"Yes."
The smile on her face twitched. Grabbing a pen, she started jotting something down on the clipboard, her strokes harsh and loud.
"That's sexism," she commented lightly.
"That's realism," Kakashi countered her. He gestured to the rows of soldiers laying on their cots, some staring listlessly at the flies buzzing around them and others weeping over their lost limbs. "You think the enemy would treat you the same way they would with these men? Think again. As a woman, you'll have it worse than any other guy here. If you get taken as a prisoner, you'll realize death is a mercy."
Rin's pen froze in her hand as Kakashi leaned closer to her.
"They'll keep you as their bitch," he muttered to her, watching her lips press together. "They'll torture you, fuck you, and probably even brainwash you—but never kill because that ends their fun. And to pass the time, they'll pass you around too until everyone's had their fun playing with their toy. Until one day you break, and then you're useless to them. Only then will they kill you... I've seen it happen to girls far younger than you," he added more solemnly.
Rin stared at him over the clipboard, her expression calm and serene but her fingers had whitened as she gripped the clipboard tighter and tighter. People always assumed Rin was a sweet and docile girl with a seemingly never-ending fuse. That wasn't true at all. Like everyone else, she could get pissed off too. She just liked to disguise it with a smile—that same smile she still wore as she walked over to Obito to begin changing the bag of fluid at his side.
Obito, thankfully (but also strangely), seemed to pay no heed to their conversation as all of his attention remained fixated on Rin like she was the most interesting thing he'd seen all his life. Even more interesting than seeing people's limbs get blown off.
"I'm not a little girl anymore, Kakashi," Rin said, her voice dropping all decorum so that she sounded just as weary as she looked. Standing on the opposite side of the cot, she turned to him with those kind eyes hardened with a determination he'd never seen before. "And you're not my father, so you can't tell me what to do. I'm going to do what I want to do, and either you can join me or watch me. It's your choice just like this is my choice."
"I won't be able to protect you all the time out here, and especially on the field," he warned her—pleaded with her.
"I know, and I don't expect you to," she said with not an ounce of fear wavering in her voice.
"You're not afraid?"
Rin paused as she weighed her answers. "No," she eventually answered. "There are far worse things than death. For me, being left alone is one of them."
Lifting her eyes to his, she smiled softly, knowingly.
"It's like you said: sometimes death is a mercy."
Kakashi levelled his stare with hers for a moment, searching for any semblance of fear in her gaze. There was nothing but resolve.
Gone was that terrified little girl who'd often clung to the back of his shirt every time a stranger passed by. Gone was the girl who used to demand piggyback rides from him whenever her feet ached. Gone was that girl he'd spent his whole childhood looking after, and in her place was a woman who had chosen to follow him to the gates of hell.
Her newfound determination was aggravating, but impressive. There was no denying the pride that swelled in his chest as he sized her up. Truthfully, he knew she was right; that there would be no stopping her if she could help it.
"You've grown up a lot since I left," Kakashi admitted softly.
She nodded in acceptance of his silent apology. "I'm a combat medic now. That means I have to be where people need me most. People like your friend here because he would've needed an amputation had I found you guys a moment later."
"I told you an angel saved me," Obito finally spoke up, wearing a dreamy smile to match his dreamy expression.
Kakashi glanced at his teammate who was still unabashedly ogling Rin. "How much morphine did you give him?"
She rolled her eyes and nudged him by his good shoulder. "You're the one who needs more morphine if that's what it'll take to keep you in bed."
With that, she began herding him away from Obito's cot and back to his own corner. Along the way, other soldiers greeted the young combat medic with some expressing their thanks aloud. Other nurses and even doctors stepped aside or smiled at Rin as they hurried by. Kakashi observed from the corner of his eye, impressed but not surprised that she'd only been deployed a short while ago but had already garnered the respect of the soldiers and staff alike.
Despite her tragic upbringing, Rin was a sweet girl who offered too much compassion to everyone like free candy, regardless if they were worthy of it. Even now, she still wore those rose-tinted glasses that made her hopelessly hopeful of the world whereas Kakashi was cynical. Maybe that was why she so easily gained the love and respect of others; she was their light in the darkness.
Still, their respect wasn't enough to quell the worry twisting in Kakashi's gut. Because he knew very well that respect wasn't enough to save you from death. Respect only got you a large crowd at your funeral, and Rin's funeral was the last thing he wanted to think of.
"You shouldn't stay here long," Kakashi warned her as she helped him back into bed. "There have been reports of air raids on the medical camps. They're using mustard gas."
"Then all the more reason you need me while you're stuck in bed," she replied, leaning in close to study the bandages wrapped across his left eye. "You're lucky you didn't lose your eye, y'know. If that blade had been any closer, then I'd have to buy you a pirate costume for Halloween. So be careful next time."
He frowned at the way she was taking the news so lightly. "Rin, did you hear me? They're bombing the medical camps."
With an exasperated huff and a roll of her eyes, she gently shoved Kakashi down to lay him against the pillows. When he tried to sit up, Rin shook her head and tapped a finger to the dog tags hanging from her neck. The metal tags clinked together as she pointed to her engraved name: NOHARA RIN.
"You have a duty, Kakashi, and now so do I," she said. Her hand landed on his and she gave him a reassuring squeeze. "Since we were little and we met that day in the orphanage, you always had a sense of duty to protect me. I was just a little girl back then with nobody to look after me. Nobody but you. You always watched my back, but now I've grown up and I've grown strong enough to watch your back too. And that's what I'm going to do from now on."
"But—"
"But you're still worried," Rin continued. "You're scared for me after what happened with your father—I get it. But I promise, Kakashi," she released his hand only to wrap her pinky finger around his, "I promise I'll never leave you behind like that. You jump, I jump—and I jump, you jump."
"I jump... you jump," he repeated.
She smiled at him until the beep of her wristwatch drew her attention away. Seeing the time, she jumped to her feet, already smoothing back the stray wisps of her hair to return to work. "Actually, I do have to leave you right now, but once it's my lunch break, I'll be back with a ration bar for you!" she pointed a finger at him while backpedaling out of his corner. "And I'll see if the cook can whip up some of that weird rice snot you like!"
"Rice pudding," he corrected her. She gave him the thumbs up and reached for his curtain to draw it close again. "Rin," Kakashi called to her. She paused and looked expectantly to him. "Just... be careful," he said with a meaningful look.
A small part of him hoped Rin would relent and take up a position at a hospital instead. Even a job stationed at a military base would be fine. Instead, she merely smiled at him in answer before pulling the curtain shut.
Kakashi leaned back against the pillows, listening to her footsteps join the bustle of the other feet parading up and down the rows of the wounded. She would return eventually, and with those peanut butter ration bars—or bricks of shit as Obito liked to call them—in hand along with his medical chart. She would suggest bed rest for a few months, but they both knew he'd be assigned another mission in a few days.
After all, war waited for no one; if they weren't the ones to end the war then the war would end them. He had accepted his orders of deployment with the expectation that he might die any day, so he'd always been prepared for death in some way. But he hadn't been prepared to expect that someone he loved might one day be taken from him too.
Obito was at least different but only because they'd shed blood together on the battlefield. Rin, on the other hand... it was hard to see her leave the nest on her own. It was hard not to worry after taking care of her for so many years. And for so many years after his father's suicide, protecting Rin had at least given him some sort of direction in his life. She'd been his reason to live; his own light in the darkness when Kakashi had felt hopeless and lost.
Because for almost all his life, it had been just the two of them—a pair of street rats, as some would say—against the world.
He couldn't imagine himself having to carry her coffin... having to pin his badge on the polished casing... and then lower her coffin to the ground to bury her in a mound of daffodils and dirt.
He'd seen the mourning families of soldiers who'd fallen in battle. Everybody pitied the dead but, really, it was those left behind who suffered the most.
Kakashi was still mulling over that thought when the sudden 'thunk!' of something hitting his bed post interrupted him.
He sat up with a wince to see some sort of makeshift ball woven from strips of fabric and rope sitting by the foot of his bed. Glancing around at the curtains, Kakashi waited for someone to slip in to retrieve the ball. The seconds began to build, however, and the ball remained by his bed.
With a sigh, Kakashi scooted his ass off the bed and picked up the ball to tell the kids outside that they weren't supposed to be here. Likely, the kids were orphans themselves with no one to supervise them. The guards stationed around camp should've caught the little rascals and send them on their way though.
Come to think of it, how could a ball get this far inside the medical tent?
Gripping the ball in hand, Kakashi yanked aside his privacy curtain, half-expecting to find one of the medical staff already giving the children a scolding. But instead of seeing a nurse—or any soldier for that matter—he found himself staring out into the burning planes of a battlefield.
Ash rained down from the sky, burying the bodies that littered the blood-soaked ground and blotting out the sun.
Kakashi's throat went dry as he slowly took a step forward, his foot sinking into the ground with a sickening squish. Stepping past the curtain, he walked amid the fields of death and decay. A murder of crows cawed together in the distance like a black cloud. They were pecking and screeching at a pile of corpses, hopping from one limb to another. When Kakashi drew near enough, they dispersed in an instant, flapping those dark wings and sending up a wave of flies at his face.
He was just as quickly hit by the powerful stench of rot, but it was seeing the faces of Obito and Rin among the dead that had Kakashi collapsing to his knees. The ball tumbled out of his hand and rolled away from him until it suddenly stopped... and was picked up by a small pair of hands.
Kakashi peered up at the small figure standing before him, but the sun cast a harsh glare over his one good eye. He raised a hand to shade his face, squinting at the toothy grin spread wide behind the ball.
"Hey, mister!" The boy held the ball out to him. "Wanna play a game?"
Kakashi jolted awake and whipped out the gun from beneath his pillow.
The room seemed to be spinning as he sat up quickly and took stock of his surroundings. Once he was certain the bedroom was his, he glanced over to the gun gripped tightly in his hand and still pointing at the mirror of his dresser. Where his reflection held its own gun pointed right at him.
Eyeing his opposite self, Kakashi slowly lowered the gun to his lap. He'd grabbed the pistol so quickly that he hadn't had the time to flick the safety off. Which was good because the last thing he needed was a bullet hole in his wall and the neighbors calling the cops on him.
He looked over to Sakura who still remained in her chair but had fallen asleep slumped across his bed.
The very last thing he needed was the cops finding his underage student in his room.
I should wake her, Kakashi thought as he studied her sleeping face.
Her lips were parted ever so slightly, allowing the soft puffs of her breath to tickle his fingertips. His fingertips... which were conveniently laced firmly between hers.
He felt a new sort of heat fill his cheeks as he considered their joined hands. It was impossible to tell who had grabbed whose hand first, but maybe it was best not to know.
Slowly, Kakashi pried his fingers off her one by one. But when he tried to pull his hand away, he was met with resistance and a displeased frown from the person holding his hand captive.
"You idiot..." Sakura mumbled in her sleep.
Kakashi raised a brow. Is she calling me an idiot?
'Only an idiot would have to ask that' her words from earlier replayed in answer.
He sighed and reached with his other hand to free himself from her hold, but the weight of the gun stopped him in his tracks. Though the safety was still on, his index finger was hooked firmly over the trigger as if he'd been about to pull it.
But you did pull it, that voice within reminded him. You pulled that trigger and killed that boy.
His fingers curled tighter around the handle of the firearm as Kakashi heard the faint 'bang!' of the gun firing off. He tried to drop the gun, but it remained glued to his hand like the blood that had coated his fingers that day. A shudder rolled through him and he hung his head down in shame... disgust... and anger. So much anger that tempted him to just pull that damn trigger.
Grinding his teeth, he raised the gun and pressed the length of the barrel flush against his forehead. The cold bite of the steel wasn't enough to soothe the hot panic welling up inside him, but he dug the gun's barrel harder alongside his forehead to stave off the nightmares pounding between his temples.
His head was aching and it had nothing to do with the remnants of his fever. Memories of that boy continued to play in his head like a roll of film superimposed over his brain.
He cracked open an eye to look at Sakura. Over the sound of his own ragged pants, her soft snores remained steady as she slept on in peace and unaware of the danger lurking at her side.
Don't touch her, Kakashi reminded himself as he watched his hand tremble against hers. Don't touch her or you'll hurt her too.
'Hey, Mister!' the boy's giggles echoed in his head. 'You wanna play a game?'
He swallowed hard, swallowing back the bile threatening to rise up. With one last squeeze of the gun, he wrenched his other hand free from Sakura's. His fingers were still warm and tingling where they'd been laced together with her own small fingers, but the coldness of the room quickly seeped her warmth away and left a cold numbness behind.
I can't let Sakura get hurt. I can't fail her too.
Kakashi watched his fingers tremble until he slowly curled them into a fist. Tighter and tighter, he clenched his fist so that he could feel the pain of his nails biting into his palm. So that the pain replaced the warmth of Sakura's kind touch.
But he'd decided long ago that it was better that way. Loneliness was a curse, but so was love, and everything he ever loved always turned to ash at the tip of his fingers. And if he had to choose between love and loneliness, he figured that the latter was less painful.
The feeling of someone firmly shaking her shoulder stirred Sakura awake. She was still a little drowsy as she slowly rose up from where she'd laid her head on the bed with the crick in her neck reminding her that this wasn't her bed in the first place.
"You need to leave."
Rubbing the remains of sleep from her bleary eyes, she glanced over to Kakashi. His face was cast in shadows since the sun had gone down, but the soft glow of the moon highlighted the cold silver of his eyes.
"How's your temperature?" Sakura asked. Holding back a yawn, she reached over to touch his forehead but he instantly pulled away from her as if her touch was poisonous. "Professor...?"
He cast his eyes down to the hands folded over his lap before turning his face to the window where the moon outside watched them. "My fever's broken so I'm okay now. I've already called a cab for you and it should be here any minute."
He... what?
Sakura sat up straighter in her chair, more awake now as she registered the meaning behind those words... as well as that icy stare he gave her.
"You need to leave," Kakashi said. "Right now."
She swallowed lightly, wishing that apathetic expression of his was just a trick of the moonlight. Or maybe she was just dreaming right now. Because this Kakashi had his mask on again and was looking upon her like they were just strangers. Even more than the strangers they had been that night they'd met.
But honestly, she should've known better. She should've seen it coming. Because that was the kind of person Kakashi was; someone who always wore a mask.
"I see," Sakura laughed quietly to herself. "You're so eager to get rid of me now that you no longer need me?"
His brow twitched at the accusation. "That's not what I... You know what our relationship is."
"Yes, you're my teacher and I'm your student," Sakura snapped at him. "That's the label on our relationship but that's not what our relationship is!"
He narrowed his eyes at her and she glimpsed the way his hands twitched from their neatly folded position. "I am a thirty-one-year-old man, Sakura, and you are a seventeen-year-old girl who is also my student. You do realize the position this... thing between us puts me in? Puts you in? Do you not understand the ramifications, the power imbalance, the immorality and unethical—"
She shot up from her seat so fast that the chair was knocked back, but she was too enraged to care.
"You think I don't know that this relationship we have—that we could have—is wrong?!" she hissed at him through the darkness, glad that the shadows hid the tears welling up now. "You think I don't understand what could happen if we get found out?! Of course I know! Of course I understand! Our relationship is wrong but that... that doesn't change how we feel towards each other..." Sakura dropped her voice to a whisper, daring to reach for his hand once more.
"Your feelings are wrong too," Kakashi responded sharply, his words cutting through the tension and making her freeze in place.
Her feelings were wrong...? Sure, she couldn't clearly explain these feelings of hers, especially since she'd never felt this way towards someone before, but...
"But how can that be when my feelings have never felt more right?" She smiled at him, though her smile wavered as she struggled to hold back any more of the tears now streaming down her face.
Kakashi fisted the blanket over his lap, but he maintained that stoic gaze of his that stabbed at her heart like an ice pick. "Because you're young," he said in that cold, collected manner normally reserved for misbehaving students, "and that makes you emotional. I told you, it's just your hormones talking. When you're older, you'll understand."
No, Sakura understood the truth of her heart just fine. She also understood that it was breaking right now as she realized that no matter what, Kakashi would never open up his own heart to her.
Her voice broke on the edge of desperation as she asked, "What about you? How do you explain your feelings?"
"There's nothing to explain when I don't have any feelings towards you."
Wiping her tears away with the back of her hand, Sakura glared at him—at that masked mouth spitting lies. "You're lying again."
He shrugged. "If that's what you want to believe."
His callous dismissal only proved her theory true and she balled her hands in anger.
"Then why treat me so special?" Sakura demanded. "Why be so nice to me? Why touch me in ways that make me feel good? Why look at me like you want more?!"
Because you do want more—just say it! Just tell me the truth, she silently begged him through the tears in her eyes.
"Because you're young, impressionable, and... beautiful," Kakashi murmured, skimming his eyes up and down her figure although his gaze remained absent of the heat that had often made Sakura press her thighs together. Right now, she felt nothing but betrayal as he said, "I was tempted by you and your innocence... but I've come to my senses now and realize that was a mistake."
A mistake... He was calling them a mistake.
She opened her mouth to call him a liar again, but he leaned back into the pillows—into the moonlight—and she caught the somber expression he wore. How he was ashamed to even look her in the eye.
This was no lie. He truly believed that they—no, she was a mistake for him.
How funny. She'd made plenty of mistakes in her life—on quizzes and exams, during P.E. whenever she overshot the ball, or when she bought the wrong size dress. But she'd always been able to fix those mistakes by erasing her wrong answers, scoring points for her team, or exchanging her dress for the right size. Mistakes were meant to be made in life, her mama had once said, but there was always a fix to them.
But her mama had never taught Sakura how to fix a broken heart.
"It's the first time I've ever had these feelings for someone," Sakura whispered, having lost the strength to even be angry anymore. She clutched a hand over her chest to still her beating, bleeding heart but it was futile. It hurt to even breathe in the same space as the man before her. "You can't just play with my heart like this, pulling me in and pushing me away when it's convenient for you and..."
A small whine drew their attention to the doorway where the dogs had gathered. No doubt they'd sensed something was wrong and had come upstairs to check on their master and his student. At the front of the pack, Pakkun's ears flapped up and down as he looked between Sakura and Kakashi, confused as to who to comfort first.
Sakura turned back to Kakashi who seemed perturbed by their little audience.
"Maybe I really am a naïve girl," she admitted with a shake of her head. "But not as much as you want to believe. I know it's not just about our teacher-student relationship! There's something else that's stopping you! What is it—your scars?! I'm not disgusted by them, so what's the matter?! Why are you so afraid to even touch me now?!"
Kakashi slammed a fist onto the bedside table, throwing the picture frame of him and his teammates onto its face.
"Mizuki almost raped you!" he raised his voice into a near shout. "Your own professor was going to hurt you, and you didn't even know it. You were his favorite, so he wanted to save you for last. You were his dessert, Sakura."
"So—what?—you're saying you're some sort of rapist too?!" she shot back. "You're different from him! You're a good man!"
"I am not a good man!" Kakashi shouted this time. "The fact that I lust for my underage student like some pedophile—like Mizuki—isn't that proof enough?!"
"Any pedophile would have taken advantage of me and even taken my virginity by now—but you haven't! You never have!" Sakura insisted, taking a few steps closer so that she stood right at his side.
Despite his cold gaze, he seemed so afraid to even look her in the eye, especially this close. As if he was afraid she would truly see right through his lies. See him for the monster he claimed to be.
"There's something else that's stopping you. Something else that has nothing to do with our student-teacher relationship," she spoke softly to him, urging him to accept her and the truth. "Tell me what it is."
Her hands reached over to cup his face and feel the tension in his jaw. His lashes fluttered and cast spider-like shadows across his cheeks as she stroked away the tension in his muscles. He closed his eyes briefly under her gentle touch. For a moment, sitting still under the pale light of the moon, he looked like a statue carved by a grieving artist—the very picture of a beautiful tragedy.
"Don't touch me," he muttered. But when he opened his eyes and peered up at her, she saw no anger—only great fear. "You have to stay away or else... I'll taint you too."
Swallowing back her anger and confusion, she sat herself down next to him. Her hand strayed higher up his cheek until her thumb grazed the edge of his eye scar, feeling the rough tissue line at her fingertip.
"What if I want to be tainted by you?" Sakura pleaded with him, letting her hand slide across to touch his. Just at the fingertips. "So what if these hands are dirty? You can make me dirty all you like. I'll accept every part of you—both the good and the bad. I don't want perfection. I just want... the real Kakashi."
She must've said the wrong thing because he froze up for a split second, and then crinkled his eyes at her, smiling distantly like they were strangers about to part ways for good.
"The real Kakashi..." He mused aloud, using that deceptively friendly tone normally used for strangers. With a tilt of his head, he gave her that parody of a smile she'd grown to hate so much. "If you knew the kind of man I really am, you'd walk away."
She held his hand tighter in defiance. "Never! Everything you've ever done has always only ever been for my sake and even now, I know you're still just trying to protect me—"
A strong hand shoved her flat onto her back so that Sakura found herself staring dazedly up at the ceiling. Kakashi crept into her peripheral view, looming above with his eyes having darkened like a storm roiling with fury. Before she could even think to sit up, his hands clamped down over hers to pin her down.
She opened her mouth to object but was cut off when he dove down to nip at her neck—hard.
"Ow!" she instinctively squirmed from the sudden pain but Kakashi kept her held down. "Professor, stop it!"
He ignored her protests as he continued to nip and bite at every inch of her exposed skin just like he'd done so this morning during the haze of his fever. Except last time, his lips had been gentle against her skin, his sharp teeth scraping along her body with a delicate lust. This time, he was nothing but cruel to her—so much so that the pain had Sakura tearing up.
"Do you feel protected now?" Kakashi snarled against her belly. He peered up at her wet face, his eyes flashing with a rage under the thin streams of the moonlight.
Sakura could only shake her head in reply, her voice stolen by sobs now.
Kakashi huffed at the sound of her sniffling, but he peeled away from her finally so that she could curl up defensively. He watched her cry with the sounds of her soft sobs filling the room. Behind them, the dogs continued to whine quietly from the hallway, but they dared not step inside to interrupt their master.
"See?" Kakashi chuckled bitterly. "You think you want this, but what you really want is to just fool around. You only want to know what it's like, but you don't actually want it. You don't want me. You don't even know me."
"Then tell me who you are!" Sakura sobbed. "If you think I won't accept the real you, then tell me why! Help me to understand—"
"Why? So that you can help me? So you can redeem me?!" He scrutinized her like he was the one who felt betrayed. "Is that why you came here today?!"
"No, I came because I was worried for you!" she tried to remind him, sensing the tension in the air shift.
"Because you think I'm broken?" Kakashi said with such scorn.
"I-I didn't say that!"
His accusation confused her and so was the way he stepped back as if she intimidated him.
"But you were thinking it weren't you?!" His eyes were wide and wild now as they flitted side to side, searching for something or someone. Raking a hand through his silver locks, he tugged at the roots of his hair in distress. His chest rose and fell quickly as if it was suddenly a struggle for him to breathe. "What is this—an intervention? Did you call Inoichi or someone?!"
Sakura was already shaking her head but he pressed himself into the darkest corner of the room as if to hide. "I didn't call anyone! I don't even understand what you're talking about!"
"You could never understand!" he lashed out at her, prompting her to curl tighter into a ball. "You're too young, too naïve, too... too innocent!"
"Then how can I ever understand if you will never give me a chance?" she sniffed.
He froze at that, and just for a moment, it seemed Kakashi was at a loss for words. He leaned back, caught between her logic and his own or perhaps their back-and-forth had just exhausted him. His shoulders sagged as he stood with his face flushed red from the remnants of his fever and from shame. The silence between them was so oppressive, almost choking Sakura of her last sobs while Kakashi took the moment to eye his shaking hands.
Slowly, he clenched his hands, squeezing them tight so that his knuckles bled white. "It's for your own good," he muttered.
White hot fury coursed through Sakura as soon as she registered those words. Those very words that her parents had told her when she was just a little girl struggling to understand what a marriage contract was.
"For my own good?" Sitting up, she snatched one of the pillows and threw it at Kakashi to let it smack him in the face. "Who the hell are you to decide that for me?!"
Before Kakashi could respond, Sakura was already grabbing another pillow to throw at him. He raised an arm to shield himself from the sudden barrage of cushions as she threw his third pillow, his fourth—and then grabbed the last pillow to start smacking against him.
From the dogs' perspectives, the whole spectacle probably looked like one very intense pillow fight with their master somehow losing against this young woman's wrath.
The debacle didn't last very long, and when it did, Sakura threw aside the pillow, huffing and puffing with her anger still not quelled. And Kakashi, despite how beat up he looked with his disheveled hair, didn't say anything as she climbed off the bed and marched right past him.
Not one word of lecture for how inappropriate it was for her to assault him like that.
Neither did he try to stop her once she reached the doorway where the dogs stepped aside to make way for her.
Sakura cast him one last look over her shoulder, eyeing his crestfallen face. But she had no more room in her heart for pity anymore.
"I told you, you're not my father," she spat out. "So stop acting like you know what's best for me because you don't!"
With that, she darted out the bedroom to make her escape. The house was silent and gloomy as Sakura ran through it, feeling like the shadows were nipping at her heels to swallow her whole. From behind, she could hear the dogs whimpering and howling as if they were calling for her to come back—come back!
She didn't.
.
.
.
.
.
The boisterous cacophony of laughter and conversation filled Sakura's ears the moment she stepped into the bar. Even though it was still early in the noon, the local bar was jampacked with patrons—most middle-aged or older—already relaxing for their Fridays. Ino had to dig her way into the crowd, allowing the girls enough room to slip into the crowd after her and hunt for a free booth.
Sakura trailed along, yanked by Ino into the mass of bodies reeking of expensive perfume and cologne while Tenten nudged her forward. From the rear, Hinata offered apologies to anyone whose toes had been stepped over by Ino who miraculously managed to snag them one of the tiny little tables squished in between the private booths and the bar.
The bartender working the counter was surprisingly an elderly man. Despite his age, he shook, mixed, and served colorful drinks with a dexterous hand for the many patrons crowded around to watch the basketball game on the TV.
"See? I told you this place is a popular joint," Ino said as they settled down in their high seats. She shot her hand into the air, already waving down one of the servers juggling platters of drinks on both arms. "Dad and his friends used to frequent this bar when he was our age. He said this bar has been running for a century, so everyone in the community and their mother goes here."
"No wonder this place feels like it doesn't have air conditioning," Sakura grumbled and leaned her cheek against the heel of her palm. Ino was too busy thanking the server for the menus to bother for a retort, but Sakura sensed it was also because she was in a good mood.
She knew exactly why: tonight was her date with Kankuro. Her first date ever (not counting the ones when she'd been stood up).
With the way Ino had been squealing and giggling the entire time during dance practice this morning, Sakura sometimes thought her friend was more excited than her. Well, she was excited too... in a way. If fear counted as excitement.
She could count on one hand the number of times a boy had ever asked her out on a date. That number also matched the exact number of times a boy had stood her up on those dates. Although Kankuro was a nice enough guy, she didn't want to bring her hopes up again only for them to be dashed—again.
Ino, on the other hand, was far too optimistic and her bubbly attitude for tonight's date was starting to grate on Sakura's nerves. Or maybe it was because she just hadn't been getting a good night's sleep for the past week already. In fact, ever since Wednesday's whole fiasco with Kakashi, her body had been sore in places she'd never been sore before. Which left Sakura confused because physical fitness class had been canceled the entire week. Yet here she was, sulking at the menu in her hands instead of paying attention to Hinata detailing her lunch date with Naruto the other day.
Honestly, Sakura just wanted to go home and curl up on bed and stay in bed until the end of semester. Normally, she would've whipped out her flash cards or pored over a text book to forget all her problems. But studying Anatomy was the last thing she needed when it meant having to see Kakashi's name—or Professor Hatake's name—on every assignment or think of him.
Him and his stupid masked face, stupid lies, and stupid accusations!
"Geez, Sakura, you're supposed to read the menu—not strangle it..."
She peered up at Ino who was giving her a weird look. Realizing she was gripping the menu hard enough for the paper to crinkle under her fingertips, Sakura dropped the menu onto the table and pretended she'd already picked her drink.
Not that it mattered anyway when they couldn't even pick anything from the alcohol section. But Ino had insisted on checking out the place because her father, a frequent patron during his own college days, had recommended it... as well as their signature strawberry lemonade. Non-alcoholic, of course, since they were underage, so juice was pretty much their only option.
Sakura felt the hunch in her back deepen as she listened to her friends drone on about what kind of outfits should she wear for tonight's date.
A casual dress? Shorts and shirt? Or skirt and a halter top?
Hinata's suggestion for a simple skirt and long-sleeve seemed to win their little poll, but then the girls started discussing theme. Go for the sexy librarian look? Or the mischievous schoolgirl?
As the girls debated, Sakura took a gander at the adults chatting away at their own tables. There were many men and women still dressed up from work in their professional business attire with only a few ladies wearing cocktail dresses for their dates.
She stood out like a sore thumb. While all these people dressed like the adults they were, she sat among them wearing a plain off-shoulder shirt and cotton shorts with tattered sneakers. While they looked like they owned cars and houses, she looked like a girl who had just finished the extracurricular dance class she attended only for college applications.
Ino, Tenten, and even Hinata seemed more than comfortable sitting at the kid's table waiting for their kid's drinks though. Still, Sakura couldn't shake off her own insecurity that she was a child playing dress up here. And she hated herself for feeling that way.
"No way!" Ino gasped at her side. "Is that Professor Hatake?!"
Just the mention of his name ripped Sakura out of the gloomy pit of her thoughts and she raised her head to find her friends facing the direction of the bar. At first, she saw nothing but a row of men and women flirting with each other over their drinks. She scanned each person, looking for a tall, muscled figure until her eyes found one such person sitting towards the end of the bar where the shadows of the corner nearly encased him.
Him... and the woman he sat with.
"We should totally say hi to him!" Ino proposed, already scooting off her high chair to do just that.
"No!" Sakura snatched her friend's arm to hold her back, but her focus remained on the woman speaking with Kakashi very intimately, judging by the curl of those pouty red lips. Very closely too. "I-I think he's busy," she mumbled, dropping her stare to an old stain on the table.
"Somebody's scared of Professor Strict and Sexy," Ino teased her, but she stayed in her seat to call the server over and make their order.
Scared? Sakura almost scoffed. Far from it—she was pissed! So pissed that she didn't want to see his stupid face even if it was just half of it!
Sitting in her chair, Sakura shoved her hands beneath her thighs, hoping that none of the girls had seen the way her fingers had trembled and curled into fists. It shouldn't have been so much of a shock to see Kakashi here given that they had the misfortune of running into each other quite often in this neighborhood, and Ino did mention this bar had a history as a hotspot. But what was more shocking—and gut-wrenching—was seeing Kakashi with a woman.
A woman who was clearly not Konoha U faculty or else someone at their table would've recognized her. As it was now, everybody seemed fascinated by the thought of Konoha U's #1 bachelor engaged in what looked like a very intimate conversation considering how close his face was with this mystery lady.
It's because the bar is noisy, so they have to speak closely together, Sakura tried to reason with herself even as her stomach twisted in knots. She tried not to look at them—tried not to ogle in despair, especially in front of her friends. In the few seconds she'd eyed Kakashi's friend, Sakura had glimpsed long amber locks and a full, curvy figure that even a blazer and pencil skirt couldn't hide.
"Hey, I thought you said Professor Hatake doesn't have a girlfriend?" Ino piped in, equally intrigued by this other woman.
Sakura gripped the edge of her seat tight, squeezing the life out of the cushion. "He doesn't."
Or so he'd claimed. Had he lied about that too?
But she doesn't look like that woman in the photo..?
"So if he doesn't have a girlfriend..." Tenten spoke up. "Then who's that chick who just kissed him on the cheek?"
Sakura's eyes shot back to Kakashi just in time to see him wipe at the bit of lipstick smudged at the top of his cheek. Her eyes widened as the woman beside him laughed softly and reached over to help him clean off the cherry red stain. And Kakashi let her.
"She's probably just a friend. Like Professor Kurenai," Sakura croaked out because her mouth had gone dry at the sight of those two. Damn, she was really thirsty for some drinks now.
At her side, Hinata frowned as she too was invested with this scene. "I've never seen Professor Kurenai greet Professor Hatake with a cheek kiss?"
There were many times when Hinata was too shy to speak her mind. Sakura wished this was one of those times because she really did not need her friends' commentary adding fuel to the fire burning down all of her confidence.
"Oh, someone's getting touchy," Tenten pointed out as the girls watched the woman place a manicured hand on Kakashi's knee.
Ino nudged Sakura with her elbow. "You should take notes, Forehead. You could use a few pointers for your date tonight. But if things don't work out with Kankuro, you still have a chance at Neji's frat party."
Sakura hummed in response, but her mind was all the way at the bar where the woman's fingers were gently stroking Kakashi's knee, almost running up his thigh. The first and only thought that crossed her mind was: get your claws off my professor!
But that wasn't very appropriate to shout in the middle of a bar, on a Friday noon, with her friends gobbling up the whole scene like it was some daytime soap opera. Hell, if it had been a soap opera, Ino would've pulled out the popcorn by now and hooting for the woman to take off Kakashi's damn jeans already.
Funnily enough, Kakashi didn't seem so perturbed that his knee was currently the property of this woman. Then again, it was impossible to tell what he was thinking when his stupid face was still stupidly stoic as ever. Which, for the first time, Sakura was glad for.
"Y'know... that woman kinda looks familiar?" Tenten mumbled, squinting hard at the woman.
Sakura was already praying that this woman was not a new teacher at Konoha U because she could already imagine her dropping by Kakashi's office after class and heading to the bar together for some drinks. Or maybe even belly shots...
Tenten snapped her fingers in recognition. "Now I remember! That's Oyama Sakae! The award-winning journalist who spearheaded the campaign for feminist investigative journalism?" she tried to explain, but was met by blank faces at the table.
"Then do you think she's interviewing Professor Hatake?" Hinata asked.
Already fixing her hair in case there was a camera man nearby, Ino snorted. "Well, I guess dates are technically interviews. She definitely looks like Professor Hatake's type, but those boobs are too big to be natural," she said before pausing to glance at Hinata's chest. "Or maybe they are natural."
Hinata blushed while Sakura tried not to peek down at her own chest where her thin bralette could be seen beneath the collar of her even thinner shirt. She'd grabbed a comfortable shirt to wear for this morning's dance practice, but hadn't thought to consider how unflattering it looked on her thin figure.
"How do you know big boobs are his type?" Sakura asked before she could stop herself.
"Because I don't think a full grown man like Professor Hatake is into kiddie titties, Forehead," Ino said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
And it stung Sakura more than she would care to admit.
"Just because my chest is small, that doesn't make me a kid!" she snapped back.
Ino shrugged. "Hey, there's nothing wrong with representing the Itty Bitty Titty Committee!"
"I'm a B!"
"Barely. You wore an A cup for most of high school though."
"Ino, I'm not a little girl anymore!" Sakura said sharply, her voice cutting through the gentle hubbub of the bar.
Several heads turned in their direction for a second before the pace of the bar resumed as if nothing happened. But Ino and even Hinata and Tenten remained staring at Sakura as if their best friend had grown a second, monstrous head.
"Sakura, I didn't say that you are...?" Ino looked apologetic as she shook her head. "I only mean it's okay to have a small chest, and I really mean it!"
Seeing Ino so remorseful over a comment that was through no fault of her own only had Sakura dipping her head in shame. "Right... I-I'm sorry, I'm just... tired from class and dance practice," she mumbled, standing up from her chair to excuse herself. "The server is taking too long. I'm gonna go check on our drinks."
Her shame followed Sakura across the bar as she fumbled her way through the throng of patrons milling about.
She knew that Ino had only meant to jest lightly, but the 'kiddie titties' remark had still hurt. Of course, Sakura was old enough to understand that it was completely fine to be flat-chested and—as Ino had often reminded her throughout high school—all shapes and sizes were beautiful. But it was easy for Ino to say that when she wasn't the one constantly infantilized because of her petite frame.
Whereas men had ogled and women had adored Ino's curves on the streets, those same people would often mistake Sakura for a prepubescent girl or, even worse, a child. And while they treated Ino with the respect any lady deserved, they often treated Sakura dismissively for the child that they assumed she was.
With her short height and flat chest, she'd grown somewhat used to it. Enough to have begrudgingly accept it, at least. But seeing a busty woman next to Kakashi had opened that old wound. And hearing Ino claim that busty women were Kakashi's type had only served to rub a shit load of salt on that wound so that she felt the sting of it all over again.
All her insecurities from her childhood felt like they were flooding her stomach, churning around as she squeezed past a server juggling drinks. Spotting the server for their table, Sakura made her way towards him, noting that he was flirting with a group of women while preparing their sake bombs.
"Excuse me," she tapped his shoulder, "how soon do you think our drinks will be ready?"
The man peered over his shoulder, his smile faltering with ire as he considered this girl interrupting his little performance. He shot a quick glance at the bar. "I'll be there in a jiffy," he said before returning to the ladies.
Following where he'd looked, Sakura rolled her eyes when she spotted a tray of tall glasses—all four of them filled with the Pretty Pink Lemonade drinks that she and her friends had ordered.
Making her way to the bar, she paused at the sight of Kakashi raising his hand. At first, Sakura thought he was waving at her and panic turned her stomach over. Then the bartender nodded in response and slid a drink down the counter for Kakashi to catch.
She sucked in a shaky breath and continued towards the tray of drinks, making sure to stay out of Kakashi's line of sight. Which was hard to do when he was facing her direction with only his friend's face blocking her own from his view.
But as soon as Sakura picked up the tray, she heard a peal of laughter from Kakashi's direction. On instinct, she looked over and her heart dropped.
The woman was laughing—deep and husky like whatever he'd said had reached deep into her belly to pull out those hearty chuckles.
She could see how despite Kakashi's face was stoic as ever, he was rubbing the back of his neck as if shy of something. Sakura didn't know why, and she didn't want to know why... but her curiosity won her over anyway.
Balancing the tray of drinks in both hands, she crept closer to one of the patrons standing up to holler at the losing team on TV. She kept a close watch on Kakashi from the corner of her eye, noting with satisfaction that he now seemed more interested with his own drink than whatever the woman was saying to him.
But despite his nonchalant attitude, that hand on his knee was still there.
Investigative journalist, my ass! Sakura thought to herself. What's she investigating—his muscles?!
Using the sports fan still groaning at the TV to keep herself hidden, Sakura inched closer around the side, hoping to catch even just a few words of their conversation. She felt awful prying into someone's business and could already hear her parents scolding her for doing something no good girl would do. At the same time, she practically could hear Ino egging her on because they were both just that nosy bitch.
Apparently, so was karma.
Sakura wasn't sure what happened next, but only because it all happened too fast. With all her attention on Kakashi and his friend, she hadn't noticed the sports fan cursing in distress of his losing team and angrily waving his mug of beer. The beer splashed onto the floor, exactly where her foot would land.
Her only warning had been the sharp 'squeak!' of her sneaker slipping on the floor—and then her drinks were flying into the air. She fell splat onto the ground, and so did a wave of Pretty Pink Lemonade. All over her.
It was the crash of glass breaking that killed off all conversation in the bar as every person's attention snapped to Sakura and the mess she laid in.
The chilled juice soaking into her clothes nor the ice cubes that'd found their way down her shirt were not enough to soothe the heat of humiliation burning her cheeks and all the way to the roots of her hair. Blinking back the tears and juice, Sakura raised a shaky hand to wipe her face. To wipe away all sign of embarrassment and keep what remained of her dignity.
The sound of glass tinkling filled the choking silence as Ino, Tenten, and Hinata rushed to her side. Their comforting hands hauled Sakura back onto her feet and smoothed away the hair sticking to her face.
"What the hell are you all looking at?!" Ino hissed at everyone still ogling them. "Don't you all have a sports game to watch instead?!"
As if on cue, they all looked away to give the girls a semblance of privacy even as servers rushed to clean up the mess. Someone shoved a towel into Sakura's arms, but she was too busy picking ice cubes off her boobs to thank them. In hushed voices, the girls comforted her and ensured no glass pieces clung to her frame.
Although Sakura was more than grateful for her friends' rescue, truthfully, she felt stifled by their coddling. By the way they cooed at her as if she was a child who'd dropped her ice cream cone. And that was it.
She was sick and tired of people—even her own friends—constantly finding ways to infantilize her. Not even giving her the chance to act the part of a maturing, young lady. They flocked to her as if she was some helpless damsel who would cry over a broken nail. What Sakura had wanted to do was walk away with her head held high and not make an even bigger scene than needed. Yet, her friends continued to fuss over her even as she insisted that she was fine.
Unable to take it anymore, Sakura shook off her friends' hands and quietly but firmly excused herself. Ino tried to follow after but, surprisingly, it was Hinata who grabbed her hand and gave a subtle shake of her head, allowing Sakura to make her escape.
Having withstood the test of time for many years even through a world war, the bar was homely in appearance but also outdated with its facilities. The restroom was nothing more than a little outhouse at the back of the establishment, its walls painted over with graffiti and only a tiny little window to vent out the funk.
Still, Sakura was glad for the breath of fresh (but not really) air as she dove out of the bar and into the modest restroom.
The towel was already damp in her grip but she continued wiping her face clean of any leftover juice or tears. When her face was dry and her sniffling had stopped, she lowered the towel to study herself in the mirror.
Her shirt was soaked through and her eyes were red around the corners, making the teary green pop out even more. At least her hair had survived nearly unscathed with only a few sticky bangs.
She reached for the faucet and let the water gush out so that she could splash some onto her face. With the cold rivulets running down her chin and neck, Sakura sucked in a breath and closed her eyes.
'There are two ways you can handle your embarrassment', her papa's words came to mind. 'Either you hold your head high, or throw a tantrum on the ground. How you react is how people will really remember you.'
"Right," she nodded to herself just as the door of the outhouse squeaked open.
"Here, kid."
Something soft smacked her shoulder but Sakura caught it before it could hit the floor. It was a shirt, and she held it up to let it unfurl, revealing the words 'CHUG CHAMPION' in bold atop of the image of two full mugs of beer clashing together.
Her nose wrinkled in distaste.
"Yeah, not exactly the latest fashion trend, but thought you could use it."
Sakura shot her eyes back to the mirror and nearly dropped the shirt at the sight of Oyama Sakae standing before her—or rather, behind. And while Sakura had thought the woman was already beautiful from behind, she realized 'beautiful' was an understatement. She was drop dead gorgeous.
Forget about her curvy figure or those amber locks professionally framing high cheekbones ; just those warm caramel, bedroom eyes were enough to have any man or woman mesmerized. And seeing the soft curl of those full red lips, Sakura could already feel a blush rising in her cheeks until she realized she was staring.
"U-Um, how much for the shirt?" she asked, patting herself down for her wallet at least for the distraction.
The so-called journalist waved a dismissive hand. "Nah, it's on the house. Literally. The bartender and I go way back," she chuckled, deep and husky like earlier. "Besides, he likes free promotion."
Sakura glanced at the trademark logo printed in the corner of the shirt. "Thanks."
And she meant it.
"No problem," the woman shrugged. She took a step back to make her leave, but paused at the last minute as she seemed to contemplate Sakura's face. "You're not from this neighborhood, are you?" she noted.
Sakura was more taken aback by such keen observation rather than the random question. "No, I just recently moved here for college."
"Hm..." the woman nodded slowly, still scrutinizing Sakura like she was a mystery to be solved. Whatever she saw wasn't enough to satisfy her as she spun around to leave. Holding open the door, she peered back at Sakura over her shoulder. "Just be more careful," she murmured.
And then she left, leaving Sakura perplexed by the comment.
Be more careful? She repeated the warning in her head while stuffing wads of tissue into her soaked bralette. It's not like I wanted to slip on someone else's mess. But maybe that's what I get for trying to eavesdrop...
With a sigh, Sakura pulled on the free shirt; it was large on her but at least it was dry. She spent the next few minutes combing a wet hand through her sticky locks of hair. Once she looked more like herself and not like a mess anymore, she exited the restroom to meet the crisp air outside.
And one stern-looking professor in the middle of smoking a cigarette.
She'd almost mistook him for a stranger since the smoke of the cigarette had curled closely around him, masking almost the rest of his face from view. And yet it was impossible to miss the tall, muscled figure standing just out of her way, but his presence imposing nonetheless. Seeing Kakashi up close now was almost enough to have Sakura spin right around to head back inside the squeezy restroom. Maybe it was because of her shock that she was able to stay her ground instead.
They considered each other for a moment as if they both needed the time to collect their thoughts first. A strategic play after their whole fallout on Wednesday.
Wearing the ugly CHUG CHAMPION shirt, Sakura had to remind herself to keep her head held high even as she watched Kakashi lift two fingers to take out the nasty stick from between his masked lips (how did that even work?).
"Are you all right?" he asked in that rich, deep voice that always resonated deep inside her.
She could feel her body yearning for him already—yearning for his warmth and strength—and Sakura had to take a second to school herself.
"I'm fine," she answered, proud of how calm she remained. But then the smoke tickled her nose and a small cough escaped her, breaking her façade.
Kakashi's eyes widened and he hurriedly dropped his cigarette to the ground to snuff it out with the heel of his boot.
Sakura gaped at him. "Did you just litter?"
His boot froze and he peered up at her, looking more sheepish and even somewhat younger now as he rubbed the back of his neck. He even mumbled an apology for her. "Old habits die hard, I guess."
"Apparently bad habits too," she snorted and crossed her arms. "Smoking is bad for you, y'know."
Kakashi sighed as he quickly glanced around their surroundings. "Can we talk?" he asked after making sure the coast was clear.
"Oh, now you want to talk."
He frowned at her tone. "If our relationship is going to jeopardize your education—"
"It's not," Sakura grounded out, feeling that familiar hot lick of rage flicker to life once again. "You wanna know why? Because we don't have any relationship, Professor Hatake, and we never will. You made that very clear for me so let me remind you."
He scrubbed a hand down his face and she watched his other hand tap anxiously against his thigh. Maybe he really did need that cigarette.
"You're too young to be pursuing an old guy like me," Kakashi spoke quietly to her.
Her fingers dug into her upper arms from the patronizing comment.
"I'm at least old enough to know what I want," Sakura hissed at him, "and that's respect—which you threw out the window the other night!"
"I apologize—"
"I don't want an apology—I want you to take responsibility, damn it!" She shoved a finger forth and began poking him hard in the chest. "And next time, don't you ever tell me how I feel about you! You don't get to dictate to me what my feelings are when they are my feelings! You got that?!"
Kakashi looked up from the little finger still pressed hard against the muscled wall that was his chest, but didn't lift a finger to move hers out of the way. "I'm sorry for the way I behaved that night," he said softly. "I thought you were trying to stage an intervention or... Never mind. But I meant what I said the other night. I'm not the man you think I am. I'm far from the hero you want to see me as..."
Sakura gritted her teeth. "That is for me to decide, but I can't even do that when you keep hiding behind that mask of yours!"
He was so afraid to reveal the truth of his heart that she couldn't help but wonder how suffocated he felt under that mask. Didn't he ever tire of putting up a front for others? What would it take for him to let those walls crumble down and let her in?
As if thinking the same thing, Kakashi shook his head. "Then you need to find someone else. Someone who doesn't hide behind a mask."
"I am trying!"
He scoffed at that. "Apparently not hard enough. Mr. Suna? Really?"
Her anger faltered as Sakura struggled to come up with an argument. "Kankuro is... nice," was all she could say.
Kakashi was clearly less than impressed. "You can do better than him. A lot better."
"And who are you to decide that for me?!"
There he was again, acting like he knew better than her just because he was older and more experienced.
"I'm not deciding for you," Kakashi tried to explain, raising his hands placatingly for this girl huffing and puffing now. "I'm just pointing out what you already know deep down. And what you know is that you need to find a better man. A good man."
"How can I when I'm surrounded by boys?" Sakura growled. "The only good man I can think of is the same one who refuses me!"
Which was really annoying when he had to be a jerk about it! Well, she knew why he was acting like a jerk—to discourage her and push her away—but it was still mean of him!
"Look, I get that we're teacher and student and you're afraid of the legal consequences and tainting my purity or whatever, but it's more than that, isn't it?" she insisted, observing his own mask of apathy fracture with a simple eye twitch.
Kakashi trailed a hand across his clenched jaw as if to ensure he didn't slip up with the truth she was asking for. "I warned you, Sakura. I'm not a good man, and I'm certainly not... I'm not good enough for you," he rasped out, choking on the words like he'd inhaled too much smoke earlier. "For your sake, it's best to stay away from me and move on."
What was this nonsense he was talking about?! He wasn't good enough for her?! He wanted her to stay away from him and move on?!
Uncrossing her arms, Sakura reached for the space between them, making strangling motions to fight back the urge to strangle him. "You're literally the one who followed me to the bathroom to make sure I was all right! You're the one who can't stay away from me! You're the one who can't stop lying about his own feelings! And you keep saying you're a bad man but you won't explain why and you keep proving to me otherwise... and I hate it," she seethed out. "It's stupid. You're stupid."
"I am your professor," Kakashi wearily reminded her.
"Yeah, keep telling yourself that. If it makes you feel better."
She could tell it did not.
He heaved in a deep breath and then let out a long sigh, clearly sick of how old this tune was getting. "You would do well to remember the consequences of... of any relationship between us beyond teacher and student," Kakashi urged her but, at this point, it sounded like he was just reading off a poorly written script. "We have to put this thing behind us and just... move on."
She raised a brow and peered past his shoulder to the back door of the bar. "And is that what you're doing with that woman? Moving on?"
A beat passed and then he gave a subtle nod. "Yes."
Sakura stepped closer to him. Close enough so that she stepped on the remains of his cigarette too. Close enough to the point that she could almost taste the smoke that clung to the outline of his lips. Close enough so that she witnessed those grey eyes brighten with panic and something more as they flitted across her face before landing on her own lips.
"Then why are you looking at me like you'd love nothing more than to kiss me right now?"
She watched those eyes go round from her accusation before she slipped past him to return to her friends. Just before pulling the back door open, however, she twisted around to face Kakashi who had already turned to watch her go.
"And by the way, I hate when people smoke," Sakura added angrily. "It's disgusting."
With that, she yanked the door open and slipped inside, leaving him standing there to come to terms with the truth.
Ino, Hinata, and Tenten were already waiting anxiously back at the table and they stood up as soon as she returned. Before any of them could ask what had happened or if she was okay, Sakura shook her head, declining to say anything other than that she was tired and preferred to go home. Alone.
Tenten and Ino opened their mouths to protest, but it was Hinata again who stopped them and nodded to Sakura. Flashing her friends a smile, she tossed a bill on the table to pay their drinks—partly out of gratitude for their help earlier and partly to apologize for her earlier bitchiness too. They didn't protest this time, and promised to see her later to help prepare her for tonight's date.
But on the way back to the apartment, all Sakura could think of was Kakashi smoking that cigarette.
The image was unbecoming of him but only because she'd never seen him smoke before let alone carry a pack on his person.
She'd always hated the sight of a cigarette in a person's mouth.
She hated the thought of those cancer sticks rotting away the lungs within. She hated seeing the yellow and brown stains of the teeth—the obvious signs of a smoke addict. She hated their rancid breath that lingered in the air and the tendrils of smoke that grabbed onto her clothes just for staying in a five-feet radius.
But Sakura also hated how so damn sexy Kakashi looked with that stupid cancer stick tucked in his mouth with that stupid mask still on. She hated how the smoke had curled around his enigmatic face, enshrouding him like a second mask. She hated how the grey plumes matched perfectly with the beautiful grey of his eyes. She hated that, when she walked away from him, his stinky smoke clung to her clothes for many more hours.
Most of all, Sakura hated when his smoke left her later.
The bed creaked beneath Kakashi as he laid back against the pillows and stared up at the ceiling fan. Beside him, Sakae made herself comfortable as she grabbed her own pillow to lay her head on.
"So? Can you see it?"
"... No," he admitted while studying the dark blades of the fan. "You hid the camera well but... I'd fix the one in the clock," he suggested, pointing at the digital clock sitting on the rickety nightstand.
Sakae swore and the bed squeaked sharply as she twisted around to disassemble the clock and adjust the little camera she'd tucked within.
Kakashi still eyed the fan's blades, wondering how dusty they were after all these years. Motel 6 had always been one of the more dingy establishments, but unlike the neighborhood bar, it hadn't exactly aged with grace.
The wallpaper was peeling and cracking down the walls like shredded strips, the room smelled more musty than usual, the TV still ran on cable programs—many of which clients had to pay for themselves, especially the porn channels—and Kakashi didn't trust the bedsheets to be as clean as they appeared to be. Then again, he'd never been a fan of plaid.
Still, he had many fond memories of this motel, and especially this room. Well, maybe 'fond' was the wrong word...
The bed squeaked harshly as he sat up and glimpsed the bright light flooding through the crack of the door down the little hallway. "Did you bug the bathroom too?"
Sakae gave him a pointed look. "My guy's a druggie. What do you think? It's always best to err on the side of caution and I've been double-crossed too many times to not bug every corner of the room. If he ever thinks to sell me out then I'll know the second he makes that call. Thanks for meeting me today, by the way," she added after fixing the clock. "I needed someone who has experience with all this spyware shit."
"I wasn't exactly a spy, but happy to help anyway," Kakashi said, watching her from the bed as she stood up to mess with the wires of the TV.
Truthfully, he hadn't really been so eager to return to this room. Not for the reason that it had always been rundown, but because of the memories associated with the place. He'd come here many times before and for many years since his time in the academy, but it had only ever been for sex. Not once did he ever stay the night, and if he ever did stay after sex, it was only to smoke.
Which he badly felt the need to right now. And that old urge left him feeling like he was in his twenties again, screwing Sakae in this room after a long and strenuous tour on the field. He always used to carry a pack of cigarettes on him back then. And he always used to borrow Obito's lighter too...
"Here, I got one." Sakae offered him an opened pack, having noticed the way he subconsciously patted his pockets for them.
Kakashi automatically reached for her pack.
'Smoking is bad for you, y'know.'
His fingers froze against the stick.
"No, never mind," he muttered, drawing his hand back. "Smoking is bad for you."
"That's not what you said when I gave you a smoke at the bar," Sakae laughed. But when she saw he was serious, she gave him a weird look before shrugging. "All right, suit yourself. But second-hand is just as bad, you know."
Kakashi watched her pull out a cigarette for herself before redirecting his attention to the supply of spy cameras and listening devices she had splayed out across the foot of the bed. The other half of her equipment already decorated the hidden corners of the room right now.
"How long will you be staying in town?" he asked her.
Sakae smiled around the cigarette already snug between her lips. "Aww, you did miss me! I used to ask you the exact same question each time you returned from your tours. Mmm, I remember we used to fuck all day long in this room with your uniform still on. I can still hear your dog tags jingling. You don't wear them anymore, huh?" She frowned at his bare neck. "Did you bury your team's—"
"How long?" he asked again.
She flicked her lighter on and lit up her cigarette to take a drag first. The smoke clouded the space between them as she blew it out and reached for the nightstand to retrieve the glass ashtray. "I'll be here for just a week or so to meet up with my lead for the story I'm covering. Drug cartels and gang rivalry shit."
"The Akatsuki?"
She blinked in surprise. "How'd you know?"
"Inoichi mentioned that their network has been growing," Kakashi explained, remembering how stressed his friend had been over their last chat on the phone about Mizuki's trial.
Sakae nodded over another puff of smoke. "My leak says they've been sighted around the borders of the city. I'm hoping that's true because the closer they are then the closer I am to the action. You wouldn't happen to have any dirt on them by any chance?"
He looked down at the scars all over his hands. "No, I dropped their case years ago."
"Oh yeah, I heard you were tailing that Akatsuki member with the..." She gestured to her neck. "He had a shark tattoo, right? What happened to him?"
Kakashi scratched his cheek. "He committed suicide before we could get anything useful out of him."
"Mm, damn shame that is." Sakae shook her head before reaching for the laptop she'd left perched next to all her spyware stuff. "These people are like fucking ghosts, so any lead on them is like hitting gold. To be honest, I'm surprised I even found someone willing to speak up at all. I'm thinking either my druggie's a liar, or he knows he's going to die. Either way, if he knows anything then I have to take my chances."
"The Akatsuki are dangerous. Why are you chasing a story on them?" he asked, watching her type some notes on her laptop.
"They're connected to a case I've been covering for the past few years," Sakae replied. "You know how abortion is illegal in Water country? Well, women end up selling their unwanted babies on the black market. My mole tagged one of the babies sold and tracked the girl to Wave country—the hub of the black market's illegal baby trade. A childless family then bought the baby girl to adopt her, but..."
"They were actually a crime syndicate just posing as a kind and loving family," Kakashi guessed.
She raised her hand with a thumbs up before taking another drag from her cigarette. "I had my mole monitor the girl for the next several years. I needed to know the full scope of what was going on. There were many other babies bought off the black market too—some boys but mostly girls. And by the age of five, they were already raised to be the perfect child soldier, sex slave, or drug mule. Can you guess who raised them?"
"The Akatsuki," Kakashi mused aloud, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Inoichi said he's been having trouble with his own case. His men keep coming up dead."
Meanwhile, Inoichi himself kept hitting dead ends.
"You're worried for me?" Sakae smiled at him over the screen of her laptop. Putting out her cigarette on the ashtray, she set aside the laptop to lean closer to Kakashi, letting the corners of her lips curl as they often did whenever she wanted something. "You could help me this time," she suggested. "Work as my bodyguard again. Remember you did that for me on that sex trafficking case I investigated in Wave? We had a lot of fun every night in our hotel."
Kakashi eyed the manicured fingers trailing up the sleeve of his arm, massaging the muscle to entice him. He pulled away from her touch, and proceeded to pull out Make-Out Tactics from his back pocket. "I'm a teacher now. Nothing more..."
"Mm, and how is that working for you? Transitioning from an Anbu Black Ops commander who slays terrorists to an Anatomy professor who grades papers?" Sakae snorted in laughter but caught herself. She waved a hand as he gave her an unamused look. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh at you or disparage any teachers. It's just... teaching is so not you."
"It's boring," Kakashi admitted, staring at the pages of his book but not quite reading. Not when a certain student with vivid green eyes and cherry pink hair crossed his thoughts. "But... I suppose it's not all bad," he added more quietly.
Sakae was still rubbing his arm as she scooted closer to settle her chin on his shoulder and watch him read. Or try to, at least.
"Why are you even working as a teacher?" she asked him. "You don't need the money when you're fucking rich."
"I'm not rich."
He could practically feel Sakae roll her eyes over his shoulder. "Oh, please. You became the richest twenty-one-year-old in the city after your first tour as Anbu commander. And by eighteen, you were already making bank as a prized soldier in the military."
"After the war ended, the military budget was cut," Kakashi explained. "And that meant our salary too."
"Yeah, but you were in the Anbu Black Ops for over a decade. You did the dirtiest, most dangerous, highest-paying missions. You're also a Hatake," Sakae hummed, letting her hands trail up and down his shoulders. "You were able to repossess your house and everything else in it as soon as you turned legal. Out of all of us from the orphanage, you were the most successful. And even after your discharge, I heard you inherited everything from your teammates too."
He turned his cheek to give her a dark look over his shoulder. A warning to stop right there.
Sakae backed off instantly, peeling away from him but only just enough to shrug. "Look, I know your bank account is overflowing with ryo. I'm just saying you don't need this silly teaching position when you already have enough to retire at just thirty years old."
"Thirty-one."
"Mm, we're getting old..." Smiling wide, she crawled back to him and slung her arms over his shoulders, hugging him from behind. Kakashi eyed their murky reflections on the television screen, feeling her lips ghost his ear as Sakae whispered, "So quit teaching and come away with me. We'll have fun together every night... and morning, if you have the energy for it. Which I know you do," she said with a playful nip to his ear.
Kakashi's hands gripped his knees tight before he stood up, breaking free of her hold on him. He turned around and surveyed the equipment on the bed, feeling nostalgic just looking at them. "Dr. Sarutobi recommended that I take the teaching position," he said when Sakae's expectant gaze became too burdensome.
Ever the persistent woman she was, Sakae shook her head. "But you don't really need to. And if it's because of what happened with OPERATION: CASTLE—"
"How do you know about that?" he demanded, whipping his attention back to her.
Unfazed by his darkened demeanor, she rolled her eyes. "I'm an investigative journalist, Kakashi. I investigate shit. And you know I don't believe what they said about you. Not everything, at least."
"Why not?" He slowly tilted his head, watching the confusion flit across Sakae's face. "It's all true."
Her brows drew together as she weighed his words. "What? You mean you actually killed all those people...? Even the children? All by yourself with your bare fucking hands?"
Kakashi turned his back to her and peered down at his scarred palms. Even now, he could still feel the weight of that boy's tattered ball. "Yes... even the children."
Behind him, Sakae fell silent. "Well, if you ask me, those little fuckers had it coming for them," she eventually said without a hint of remorse.
Kakashi frowned and turned to look at her, surprised to see such solemnity in her expression. But although he disagreed with her, he knew exactly what she meant. And he knew she wasn't exactly wrong either.
Sighing, Sakae climbed off the bed and pulled off her equipment before gesturing for him to help her lift the mattress. "So Sarutobi thinks—what?—that having you work with a bunch of spoiled kids is gonna magically poof away your trauma with children? Sounds almost like the same bullshit my therapist tried with me," she muttered, untangling the wires of her equipment. "And now here I am, still carrying around my baggage of trauma and meds."
Still holding up the mattress for her, Kakashi studied his old friend. How she disguised the bitterness in her gaze with eyeshadow and mascara. How the smile on her lips always bordered the edge of scorn.
The thing with trauma in children was that they never grew out of it. No, even as adults, they'd only ever been taught to survive with it.
Kakashi knew that was why Sakae was able to smile at him like there was nothing wrong in the world. It was all just an act. The same act he put on every day, every morning, every time he stepped out of his house and into the hustle and bustle of society. Because if they didn't fight to keep up all semblance of normalcy, then they would be left behind. If they didn't keep pulling their own weight, everyone would leave them in the dust.
Neither of them said nothing for a while as Sakae took the time to bug the bottom of the mattress with a listening device. Kakashi remained a silent spectator all the while, chiming in only to advise her how to position the wires so that the mattress didn't muffle the audio too much.
When they were finished, Sakae joined him at the little coffee table in the corner where she offered him a bottle of sake to share. Kakashi had already had his fill of alcohol back at the bar, but he accepted the drink anyway. Better alcohol than a smoke, he supposed.
Sakae propped her feet up on the edge of the table, taking a sip from the bottle first before passing it to him. "Hey, remember that girl from the bar?" she asked as Kakashi eyed the liquid he swirled around in the bottle. "The one that tripped and spilled those drinks all over herself?"
"Sakura?" he said before he could stop himself.
"You know her?"
Shit.
"She's my student," Kakashi mumbled before taking a swig from the bottle.
"No fucking way? Seriously?" Shaking her head in awe, Sakae chuckled, "Damn, she looks so young I thought she was a high school freshman. I mean, she looks like fresh meat. Or maybe I'm just getting old."
Kakashi raised the bottle to his lips to hide his discomfort. "Why? What about her?"
Sakae shrugged, stealing the bottle back from him. "I just thought she reminded me of Rin and Obito is all. There's something about her… I mean, besides the similar hairstyle and eye shape with Rin—but her clumsiness is all Obito. When I saw her on the floor, I remembered the story of when Obito took out your ring and he almost tripped off the cliff because he was just so nervous. Do you still have the photos?"
She was laughing, but Kakashi didn't laugh with her.
"No," he lied. "I don't."
Maybe all the alcohol had finally gone to her head because, despite Sakae's keen eye for liars, she didn't blink at the one in front of her. Instead, she smiled at the sake in her hand as she seemed to reminisce the old days. Back when she'd been a fresh-faced journalist trekking across war-torn countries and dogging after soldiers in the middle of a battlefield.
"That Sakura's got that same clumsy earnestness like Obito, but she's got that pretty next-door-girl look like Rin—prettier, actually," Sakae mused aloud while Kakashi opened his Make-Out Tactics book again, using the pages to hide behind. "Bet she caught the attention of every pervert at the bar when she got drenched with those drinks. When will people learn that even the flat-chested need bras to cover up their mosquito bites?"
Kakashi's brow twitched. "I doubt anyone paid much mind to her chest."
The bottle of sake slammed onto the table harder than needed as Sakae leaned forth to frown at him over his book. "You couldn't be more wrong. Some men prefer mosquito bites like hers. They like the little girl look." He swallowed lightly as she scrutinized him over the pages, her lips spreading into a knowing smile. "But you prefer your type to be just like the leading lady in your Make-Out books, huh? Beautiful and busty."
He crinkled his eyes back at her. "Of course. More to play with," he lied straight through his teeth, already imagining sucking one of Sakura's 'mosquito bites' in his mouth which he often found himself fantasizing nowadays when reading the Make-Out series. It was why he had trouble reading the books now, and that was just as torturous.
Sakae's mouth twisted wryly as she sat back in her chair. "Men used to look at me like that when I was that girl's age. Did you see the way so many of them stood up to help her?"
"I wasn't paying attention."
"Really? I felt your knee jerk under my hand when she fell though."
He inwardly scrambled for an excuse while maintaining his composure on the outside. "Reflex," Kakashi answered nonchalantly. "Old habits die hard. You know how it is."
"Well, not really. It's not like I was born with the same acuity as you."
Sensing the bitterness in her tone, Kakashi lowered his book. "What do you mean?"
"I mean I was a stupid girl back then," Sakae tried to laugh it off, but he pressed her with an unrelenting stare. Picking up the sake bottle again, she checked the remaining liquid before polishing it off with a long draw. After setting it down, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, wiping away all traces of her smile too. "When I was thirteen, I... I lost my virginity to a store employee. He caught me stealing makeup and said I could either go to jail where I'd lose my virginity to a mop handle or I could pay him up. My first thought was what kind of fucking orphan has money during a war? But then he said I can pay him with my cherry, and I... I realized he wanted me to pay with my body."
Kakashi set his book down on the table, closing it as he listened to Sakae.
"And when I arrived back at the orphanage, you were teaching Rin how to ride a bike and... and Mrs. Matsuda—that bitch—caught me and took one look at the blood still staining my legs and all she said was to clean up for dinner," Sakae finished, eyeing the empty bottle with years of spite.
"Why didn't you ever tell me this?" Kakashi asked her gently.
While he'd spent plenty of time in this room with Sakae in their youth, he never really hung out with her. Not like he did with Guy, Asuma, and Kurenai. He never took her as the kind of girl who would like to go fishing, or building castles with mud, climbing trees like monkeys, or fist fighting with the neighborhood bullies. Even though she hadn't been part of his group, he'd still considered her a friend nonetheless. A comrade in the sense that they'd both grown up as orphans fighting to survive in a war-torn era.
Sakae smiled sadly at him. "You were only a nine-year-old brat, Kakashi. Nine-year-olds don't kill."
He grunted at that. "You'd be surprised."
"Okay, point taken," she nodded slowly. "But I knew if I'd told you, you would've beaten that man to the brink of death. I was scared Mrs. Matsuda would send you to a reformation school for boys where they would... Anyways, you already had little Rin to look after."
And yet I still failed her, Kakashi thought bitterly, flexing his hands into fists. "You didn't deserve what happened to you. None of us did. We were just children with nobody to look out for us."
They'd only had each other; raised like wolves to support the pack as a whole.
Sakae looked past his shoulder and to the window overlooking the motel parking lot. The sound of children giggling as they tailed their parents to their room had the corners of her mouth twitching down. "And now look at the kids these days. So fucking privileged that they only know about the years of the war through their parents or history books. And I can't help but think that it's not fair—not fucking fair that we had to suffer and sacrifice ourselves just so that this new generation can live in bliss and ignorance."
"Their safety is more important than their ignorance," Kakashi gently reminded her.
"Is that why you joined the war effort? To ensure Rin's safety and ignorance?" she asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Yes."
A burst of laughter poured out of Sakae and she clutched her chest, shaking her head at him. "No, that's the reason you use, but that's not the real reason. The real reason you chose to fight in the war is because you didn't know what else to do with your life."
Kakashi leaned back and crossed his arms. "Did Kurenai tell you that?"
Knowing full well of his tactic of deflecting conversation topics he disliked, Sakae shrugged off the question.
"You knew Rin would have grown up and be able to live a life just fine without you," she said, pointing at him like he was guilty. "Because she was the least damaged of us all—the most hopeful. So you decided to follow in your father's footsteps because you knew nothing else. Because you needed a reason to live. That's why when Obito came into the picture, you created your Anbu unit. You knew Rin and Obito would be just fine without you, but you still needed your unit, your missions, your duty to serve and protect—your true reason to live."
Kakashi had lowered his gaze to the bottle sitting between them. There was a buzz building in the back of his head but it had nothing to do with the alcohol.
"But times have changed," Sakae continued. "You're here teaching instead of out there fighting, I'm chasing ghosts, and these kids are partying every night while we go to bed with our demons."
"At the very least, the new generation doesn't have to suffer as we did. We broke the cycle."
And that should have been enough. That should have made him feel proud. In the end, however, Kakashi had only felt more lost than ever.
"True... girls these days don't have to suck a dozen dicks a day for food anymore," Sakae laughed dryly.
She reached for the bottle and stuck her tongue out to catch the leftover droplets even though a slight flush of pink was already creeping up her cheeks. Pink like Sakura's hair.
Kakashi blinked hard and pinched the bridge of his nose, forcing the buzz in his head to subside.
"That Sakura girl probably would've had men lining up to use her if she had been born in our generation," Sakae said, waving a hand over herself. "She has the pretty face and petite body of a model. If only she wasn't so short though—but that pink hair of hers... very unique."
Very pretty, Kakashi wanted to add. He pressed his lips together instead.
Hugging the bottle to herself, Sakae contemplated a scratch on the coffee table. "Mhm, she would've been fucked over so bad if she'd been in our age group. That's why I followed her to the bathroom. Had to make sure no pervert would corner her there and fuck her over like they did with me."
Kakashi ran an anxious hand through his hair. Now that Sakae mentioned it, he had no doubt Sakura would've suffered greatly had she been born in his time. For once, he was glad they'd been born in separate generations. He couldn't stomach the thought of Sakura growing up so bitter and angry at the world just like Sakae.
"Sakura can handle herself," he stated, more so to reassure himself than Sakae. "She's not as weak as you might think. Besides, that was wartime back then—it's a different time now."
If Sakae was curious why he was so defensive of his student, she didn't question it. Not when she was too far deep reminiscing the past as she strangled the neck of the bottle almost violently.
"War gave men the excuse and power to act out their carnal desires," she spat out. "Men still have those desires, but they're just forced to hide it now in the name of peace. It doesn't mean they've stopped acting on it. Nowadays, men are wolves in sheep's clothing just like Mizuki—oh yes, I heard of what happened with him. So don't be surprised if your student stops showing up to class one day."
The alcohol in Kakashi's stomach churned up a wave of nausea at the thought of Sakura falling victim like that. How close she had been.
"Sakura's smarter than that and..." he trailed off, remembering their earlier argument.
He'd hoped that Sakura had learned her lesson with Mizuki, but he wasn't so sure about that anymore when she was still infatuated with him. He who was just as much a monster as Mizuki, if not bigger and badder.
Sakae seemed even less convinced as she pursed her lips. "Kakashi, who are you kidding? If it was about smarts then Rin would still be with us."
He was still reeling from the sharp blow of her comment when Sakae stood up and marched over to the fridge to pull out two bottles of beer. She returned to him, setting the bottles down and popping the caps off with the edge of the table.
"Besides, there are different types of smarts and just look at that kid," she prattled on, oblivious to Kakashi staring hard at the beer before him. "I've seen all sorts of people in my years of journalism and I know Sakura's type. She's spent so much time studying with her face stuck in books that she excels in academics but not so much in street smarts. I'm not saying she lacks common sense—she looks like she's got a good head on her shoulders—but her intuition might not be as developed. Pretty little freshman girls like her? They get raped at parties. They're thrown into situations they've never experienced before because their parents were too busy emphasizing school over life experience. I bet you that Sakura will get shit-faced drunk at the first frat party she attends because she wants to try alcohol but doesn't know her own limit until it's too late. And then she's getting dragged into a bedroom or the rooftop by some dude—
"She won't," Kakashi spoke sharply, catching Sakae off guard. "She won't touch alcohol—not anymore. She's... a good girl."
But Sakae was already smirking at him. "Ah, so she's already touched alcohol. You see? Even good girls go bad sometimes, especially when a boy is involved. In fact, I bet there's already a boy in one of her classes eyeing her up."
Kankuro...
Kakashi passed a hand down his face, weary of this conversation and the anxiety it was causing him. "Why are you so interested in this girl?" he demanded.
The smirk on Sakae's face slowly fell away. "Because I'm an investigative journalist. I know a story when I see one and I know that girl is trouble. She may not be the kind that looks for trouble, but she's the kind of girl who falls right into it."
"But why care so much about her?" he pressed her, confused why Sakae was so invested in someone she knew for less than a minute.
"Because I'm a woman, Kakashi," she simply said. "And as much as I envy these girls for living the life I was robbed of, I don't want them to ever experience what I did when I was their age."
Turning his palms over, Kakashi examined the scars once more. "I'm just her professor. I can't part-time as a bodyguard for her."
Not that Sakura would ever want him to anyways. No, she'd probably report him for stalking.
"Yes, you're her professor," Sakae reached over to touch his hand. "But, more importantly, you're a Hatake."
"What does that even mean?"
"Everybody knows the Hatake legacy," she replied, gently knocking her beer bottle with his. "It's practically in your DNA to serve and protect."
To serve and protect; an oath he had made the day he'd graduated from the academy. An oath even his own father and his fathers before him had sworn to their brothers and sisters before plunging into the heat of battle.
But Kakashi was unable to say it anymore. Because he'd broken that promise. He'd failed the very people he had sworn to protect with his life. He was no longer worthy of speaking that vow now. And if anyone asked, he'd say he wasn't even worthy of the Hatake name.
"Listen," Sakae leaned closer, her honey gaze glinting with a bright keenness. "I'm telling you all this because my investigative instincts are telling me that girl's got a story brewing. And I know your instincts are telling you the same thing."
Kakashi raised a brow. "You're saying Sakura's hiding something?"
"You're her professor—what do you think?"
"I think everybody's got a story and it's not our business to pry," he answered dryly.
Also, he really did not need an investigative journalist of all people to discover the illicit relations budding between him and Sakura. If he even looked at Sakura the wrong way, Sakae would be able to put together all the pieces of their story in an instant.
Sakae berated him with a scathing look. "I'm being serious. You know something's up with that girl. Something big and bad," she cautioned him, cracking a grin when he raised a hand to clamp it across the back of his neck. "So what are you going to do about it, Professor Hatake? Or should I say Commander?"
A/N: If you remember from Chapter 12's side story, Sakae is a character who grew up alongside Kakashi at the orphanage and is the one who took his virginity. Also, the black-market baby trade issue that Sakae explains in this chapter is actually based on the real-life illegal baby trade. In the Philippines where abortion is illegal due to religion, women who cannot successfully get an illegal abortion done often resort to selling their babies to the black market. Last I checked, Malaysia is the hub for the illegal baby trade where the unwanted babies are put up for illegal adoption. The issue with this illegal ""adoption"" is that anyone can buy the baby and crime syndicates often pose as childless families to buy these unwanted babies and put them into human/sex trafficking so that the babies are raised to be sex slaves, beggars, criminals, etc. Also, women who are forced into prostitution are denied contraceptives so that they are forced to breed and birth babies who are then sold into the black market where other syndicates can buy the babies and groom them for the sex trade and whatnot.
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