The Anatomy of Love
Written By: Banana007
Chapter 32: Shoot Your Shot
The pen spun between Sakura's fingers as she stared listlessly at the blank page of her notebook. At the corner of her desk, her laptop had long since fallen asleep, the screen fading from a view of her midterm study guide to a pitch black. The speakers hummed low with the faint notes of a song from her playlist, but the lyrics came in through one ear and out the other.
She wasn't normally a fan of playing songs while studying, especially songs with lyrics, but Ino's absence had left a silence in the apartment that was far more discomforting than usual. And yet, playing music wasn't enough to raise Sakura's spirits anymore, let alone distract her from all the dilemmas of life that seemed to pile on her shoulders with each day.
She sighed and dug the tip of the pen into the margin of the page, leaving little dots of black ink in between the light blue lines. She'd woken up early to do some studying, but had written practically nothing but today's date in the corner.
A whole week had passed since her date with Kankuro and nothing had come of it. No phone call despite his promise. Not even a brief text. He hadn't even showed up to class both on Monday and Wednesday (strangely enough, neither had Mei).
Had the date really been that bad that he'd decided to avoid her altogether? She was somewhat used to boys standing her up or ghosting her, but this was a new all-time low.
A part of Sakura wanted to just shoot Kankuro a text, but her pride wouldn't let her. After all, he'd been the one to promise he'd follow up with her. If he was really avoiding her or had lost complete interest in her, then the more she would look pitifully desperate if she reached out to him, begging for answers with dozens of unanswered texts. Worse if he just ignored her calls.
Seriously, why do I have such bad luck with boys?!
And it wasn't just boys either, but men too. She didn't know how Kakashi was able to play it so calm and cool in class while she was too flustered to even dare look him in the eye. It'd been days since that sudden kiss they'd shared in his office, and yet it felt like the whole thing happened just this morning. She hadn't had the courage to drop by his office since then. Not even today to pop a question over the midterm study guide.
Just thinking about the feel of his mouth warm and desperate against hers left Sakura's lips tingling all over again. Every time she closed her eyes and remembered that moment, it made her feel both giddy and terrified. Made her want to grab Kakashi by his tie again and yank him in for another kiss.
She wasn't normally so aggressive like that; she'd always imagined a sweet romance like sharing a deep kiss while being embraced by her lover on a moonlit night. Cheesy, cute stuff like that. Not teeth nipping as they hungrily devoured each other's mouths and fought each other for dominance.
But the more she and Kakashi danced around each other like this, the more Sakura discovered herself. The more she found courage in times she would've normally ran away or shut up. The more she found out what she wanted versus needed, and liked versus loved. It was exciting to be exploring this other side to herself that she'd never had the liberty or courage to explore before.
However, it was also exhausting to be constantly dancing around each other like this—and never together. So exhausting that Sakura had found herself drained of her anger at this point. Or maybe it was because she'd been angry for too long now that it was too tiring to hold onto that anger anymore.
Either way, she couldn't find it in herself to concentrate on her studies right now. Or rather, it'd been difficult for her to concentrate at all since the kiss.
It was like the passionate heat of his mouth had fried every last brain cell of hers. Now she was just moving on autopilot, too dazed to make sense of anything anymore but also too freaked out to even look Kakashi in the eye.
It was funny. She'd fantasized her first kiss for so many years. Even since she'd been a precocious little girl and her mom had said she'd find her own prince charming someday. But Kakashi wasn't anything like the prince charming from the books. He was more like the mysterious knight character whose true face always remained hidden behind the helmet.
And she'd kissed him.
Did it even count as a real kiss when his mask had still been on? Ah, it didn't matter—she'd kissed him!
It had been unexpected, dangerous, and full of carnal hunger. And yet, it'd been so much better than she'd hoped for.
A soft giggle escaped Sakura before it subsided into a weary sigh.
She pinched herself again for the thousandth time this week, wondering if this was just a dream. The inner side of her arm was raw with red marks from the many other times she'd pinched herself this week, confirming once again that this was no dream.
A soft, dreamy smile pulled at Sakura's cheeks and she touched a hand to her face, feeling the blush warming her face. She quickly shook herself back to reality, reminding herself that she still hadn't forgiven Kakashi for lying to her about his true feelings even if she already knew the truth.
No matter how amazing it'd been, even a kiss couldn't erase his lies and hypocrisy. Although the kiss had certainly worked in wiping her mind clean of all rationality, leaving her absolutely speechless around him and her friends as well.
Ino must've noticed her odd behavior by now but had said nothing. Did she chalk it up to the bad taste Kankuro's disappearance had left in everyone's mouths? If so, better that than finding out Sakura was just in shock over a kiss from her teacher.
Heck, she still had no idea what to think or how to feel about the kiss. There was hot anger, a hum of pleasure, the thrill of need and desperation, and sparks of joy with a hint of heartache. All bundled into a few of the most erotic seconds of her life.
Sakura was just overwhelmed by it all. Nobody had warned her that a first kiss could leave such an impact, leaving her too dazed and disoriented to even know how to react. Then again, she doubted anyone knew how to react to sharing their technically first kiss with their professor.
All this time, she'd hoped for a kiss but it had happened out of nowhere and she'd never considered what to do after the kiss. It wasn't like she could ask Ino for advice on what to do next. Usually this was the part where they'd become an official couple, right? But those were the rules for regular people—what were the rules for when a teacher and student kissed?!
Taking the pen back in hand, she scrutinized the blank page of her notebook before her. Still, her mind remained just as blank as the paper and it took a full minute to realize she was gripping her pencil compass instead of a pen.
Better that than pouring coffee into my cereal again, Sakura grumbled to herself as she switched the compass for her pen.
But even if she tried to focus on her work, her mind kept taking her back to the feel of his lips so warm and firm against hers. She remembered tasting the faint notes of the coffee he must've drank that morning—bitter, and yet oh so sweet that she craved to taste more of it. To taste more of him and his kiss. Without that stupid mask in the way next ti—
Oh, what am I doing?! Sakura groaned, inwardly berating herself for even thinking of Kakashi. Stop thinking of that idiot already! I'm supposed to be studying for midterms! Not thinking of his lips and... how good they felt—gah, I'm doing it again!
Huffing in frustration, Sakura rolled her chair back from the desk and stood up, raising her arms high to stretch out the kinks in her back and shoulders. She stepped a foot back to stretch out her calves, but her heel bumped into the basketball that had snuck its way beneath her bed. She bent down and picked up the ball, studying the spider cracks across the orange rubber covering.
The ball was old, having been passed down to her by her father and his father before him. She'd used it throughout her years in junior high and high school, practicing late-night sessions before a big game came up. With the way the rubber surface was fraying and bits of it coming off with each bounce, it was high-time Sakura bought a new one. But this was one of the few mementos her father had left her. Although it had been purchased for a cheap price, its sentimental value was too high for her to replace it with another cheap ball from the store.
Smiling fondly at the tattered ball, Sakura decided it wouldn't hurt to shoot some hoops for a while. Maybe she just needed to take a break from school stuff.
The walk to Kage park helped to clear her mind as well. A light shower in the morning left a cool dampness hanging in the air, and she sucked in a deep breath of it to relish the peaceful ambiance of the afternoon. Very few kids and parents were at the playground at this time of day as they didn't want to play on the equipment that was still wet from the rain.
A crisp wind blew through Sakura's locks and she pulled her hair into a ponytail, somewhat regretting that she'd worn shorts when the weather was no longer that hot anymore. The October wind was still warm, but she felt a slight chill in the air and watched a little girl sneeze before her father called her back so they could grab lunch.
That left Sakura to have the park all to herself. Bopping her head to the music blaring in her headphones, she dribbled the ball on her way to the basketball court behind the playground, eager to be alone with her ball and her thoughts. Or so she thought until she raised her gaze from her ball and spotted a familiar shock of silver hair that flounced around as the individual raced down the court and leapt with a graceful jump to slam dunk his ball through the hoop.
The headphones almost slipped off as Sakura jerked to a halt. Memories of his masked lips on hers short-circuited her brain again and her hand missed the ball. It bounced away for a few seconds as she stood disoriented, her mind replaying the kiss over and over again until the sound of Kakashi's ball slamming through the hoop snapped Sakura out of it.
Her face felt hot as she frantically chased her basketball before it could bounce over to Kakashi and give away her presence.
Judging by the way he kept on dribbling the ball around the court and tossing it into the hoop, Kakashi was still too deep in his own head to have noticed her.
Sakura took a step back, torn between the urge to flee in a panic and the urge to gravitate towards him and those absolutely kissable lips of his.
Or maybe she should just hide behind the slide and observe him like a stalker? No way, she wasn't in primary school anymore!
Ugh, she desperately needed a Plan D but her brain felt like it'd turned into mush and she was afraid that if Kakashi tried to strike up a conversation with her—probably to talk about the kiss—then she would just open her mouth and drool like a zombie in reply. Or say something utterly stupid. Honestly, she wasn't sure which was worse.
She took a quick gander around to make sure none of Kakashi's colleagues were coming to join him in his game.
They were alone.
Chewing her bottom lip, Sakura debated if she should leave and head to the college campus to borrow the courts there. With how the courts were always populated with students, she was sure that would be the safer choice.
And a few weeks ago, she would have chosen the safe route. She would have walked away from this moment, wondering 'what if?' at the back of her mind and never knowing the answer.
Did she really want that...?
Fixing her headphones back in place, Sakura took her ball and marched over to the other half of the court, staking her claim on it with a resounding 'bam!' of her ball bouncing on the damp pavement.
Her heart raced wild as she dribbled the ball around her half of the court, getting a feel of the wrist motion before stopping to make a shot for her side's hoop. The ball sailed through the air, and Sakura breathed a sigh of satisfaction when it swished cleanly through the chain net.
She could feel Kakashi's eyes on her now even though his own basketball continued thumping on his side of the court. While Sakura hadn't wanted to run away and ponder the 'what if' of today, neither was she ready to talk to him about the kiss. After everything that had happened between them, she wasn't ready for anything else anymore. Even if she wanted to talk with him, just the thought of his mouth short-circuited her brain all over again.
Keeping her eyes trained on the hoop, Sakura tossed the ball in again... and again... and again, never letting her attention stray to the other side of the court.
Until, finally, her ball missed its mark and bounced off the rim. Sakura chased after it quickly, but it ricocheted past her to bounce into Kakashi's half of the court... and right into his arms.
She froze in place, watching him examine the fraying rubber of her ball with his own ball—pristine with its rich leather covering—tucked under his arm.
Grey eyes lifted from the ball to land on her face and she felt a knot start to form in her stomach. A few seconds passed as Sakura maintained her gaze with Kakashi's, waiting for him to toss the ball back to her.
He didn't.
Her mouth flapped open and close as she struggled to put her thoughts together. At least enough to string a sentence. "Um..."
Her cheeks reddened even as she struggled to maintain her composure.
Crap. She was still disoriented from the kiss. Still too discombobulated to talk to him.
Too late to hide behind the slide now...
She resorted to raising her hand in a gesture for him to return what belonged to her.
He didn't.
Sakura licked her lips and his eyes dropped to follow the movement of her tongue while she raised her hand higher to pull the headphones down to her shoulders. With the music no longer distracting her, she was able to pay full attention to him and see the way his chest rose and fell sharply as he couldn't seem to catch his breath. A dark trail of sweat stained the front of his tank top and she couldn't help but inhale deeply through her nostrils, subconsciously hoping to catch a whiff of his scent.
She didn't. She wasn't close enough. The white paint dividing the entire court into two sides left them separated.
Sakura cleared her throat and gestured with her hand again. "Give it back," her voice came out in a weak rasp but at least she hadn't spoken gibberish.
Kakashi didn't even look at the ball he held captive in his hands. All his attention was on her, his gaze firm but somehow soft at the same time. "You have every right to be mad at me," he started to say, catching Sakura off guard.
She shook her head to stop him, afraid to find out where this was going. "You know what's really maddening?" she spoke up, tapping into that bit of anger still tangled around her heart like thorns. "What's really maddening is that I keep running into you whether I want to or not!"
Kakashi blinked at her, surprised that of all the things she could've said, that was her response. "Uh, well, we do live within a fifteen-minute walk of each other."
"Oh, you are infuriating!" Sakura snapped at him, irritated by the way he was acting so nonchalant now.
This whole time, she'd been so flustered by the kiss that it took every ounce of her strength to speak coherently to him right now. Meanwhile, he had the gall to be so calm as if kissing his own student hardly fazed him?!
Kakashi bowed his head low before her anger. "... I'm sorry," he said with such conviction that, for a moment, it drained her anger away.
He peered up at her through his lashes, and Sakura faltered as she found the sight oddly reminiscent of that of a dog that knew he'd done wrong and was giving his master puppy eyes to plead for her forgiveness.
Having not expected this turn of events, Sakura remained speechless. She didn't know what he was apologizing for specifically. Was he apologizing for lying to her about his feelings? For interrupting her date with Kankuro? For the kiss from the other week—if she could even call it a kiss (she still didn't know if it counted as one)?
"I'm sorry for everything," Kakashi said, his sincerity clear in the way he looked her right in the eye.
Much to her surprise, she still sensed no bullshit from him. No lie, no frustration—nothing but sincerity. His apology was authentic and it came straight from the bottom of his heart. She knew just by the way those words carried so much weight, so much meaning in how he spoke them without breaking eye contact.
For the first time, he was the one putting his walls down instead of her trying to bulldoze through them. And he was doing it for her.
"A-Are you going to give my ball back or what?" Sakura demanded, but only because she didn't know how else to respond. She hadn't known what to expect the next time they talked, but it certainly hadn't been this.
Kakashi tilted his head, studying the flustered heat crawling up her face now. Then he glanced at her ball that he still held and a strange, mischievous glint lit up his eyes. Sakura looked on in confusion when he tossed his own ball aside in favor of hers.
"Hm..." Spinning her ball on his fingertip, Kakashi gave her a roguish grin and she was surprised by how much of a boy he looked in that moment. "You're going to have to steal it from me," he hummed.
Her mouth dropped open and he took that chance to pivot away, taking her ball with him as he dribbled it and slam-dunked it through the hoop in emphasis of his challenge. It snapped Sakura out of her daze and she shot after him, already driven by her instinctive need to answer the challenge with her own victory.
Like the last time they played a match against each other, Kakashi kept her at bay with a strong arm. Never one to back down from a challenge, she tried to steal the ball back multiple times. But with his lightning speed and tall height, it was almost impossible to get an opening.
She tried to make quick feints and relied on her smaller stature to break through his defense, but he always pivoted away at the last second to pull the ball out of her reach. Only a few times did her fingers manage to graze the ball, telling her that if she ever did play a serious match against him, it would only be a matter of time before she figured out his pattern and breached his guard.
Having seen how well he played that day with his colleagues, Sakura would be hard-pressed to admit that she would love a rematch against him. She'd always loved a good challenge and Kakashi had given her that just like he was right now.
A smile started to tug at the corner of her lips, battling the grumpy frown that hung above it as she smacked the ball finally. Just by her fingertips.
The ball started to hop away and lead them on a merry chase across the other side of the court. Sakura only managed to steal it for a few seconds before Kakashi captured it again too soon and bounced it between his legs, catching it from behind himself to keep it away from her.
Her sneakers slid against the wet pavement of the court, but Sakura kept her eye on Kakashi's feet instead, waiting for him to slip up the moment he turned too fast. With how lightning-quick he moved, there had to be a chance for error somewhere. A miscalculation or roll of the ankle—something.
Because she refused to be beaten by a pervert who very likely read porn books more often than he played basketball.
"Careful not to break your ankles, old man," Sakura smirked at him, egging him on in the hopes that it would distract him.
"Old man?" He raised his brow at the insult and she lunged forth to smack the ball away. He pivoted again, hugging the ball close as she tried to weave around him for a better angle. "And you be careful not to—"
Her foot slipped on the slick ground and Sakura fell back.
"—fall on your ass, Miss Haruno," Kakashi finished, dropping his guard to give her a pointed look.
Still rubbing her sore ass, Sakura scowled up at him. "The ground is slippery from the rain," she said despite knowing the real issue was that he was just a margin too fast for even her.
He'd always had really quick reflexes—almost inhumane, really—that she didn't think could be entirely chalked up to his military training. But he didn't need his ego stroked, and she scowled harder when he started spinning her ball on his fingertip again without even looking.
"Wanna go again?" He offered his free hand to help her up.
"Why?" she scoffed, "so you can make a fool of me again?"
Leaving his hand hanging, Sakura got to her feet by herself.
Kakashi stopped spinning the ball, his face sobering up as he observed her frown. "Don't be mad," he said quietly, pleadingly. Somehow, she had a feeling he was referring to something other than their basketball match. "Tell you what? I'll let you do a slam dunk. You've never done that before, right?"
Sakura turned her frown to the hoop before her. No matter how hard she jumped, she had never been able to touch the rim with even her fingertip. "Because I'm too short for that," she mumbled angrily.
Even on her high school basketball team, she'd always been one of the shortest players on the court. Which meant she'd always had to work twice as hard as her teammates to be as good as them, if not better than. And yet everyone had been shocked when the coach had chosen her as team captain for senior year.
Kakashi held the ball out to her. "I'll give you a boost."
Heat bloomed across her cheeks at the thought of him lifting her by the armpits like a child. "I told you, I'm not a little girl anymore!"
She abhorred the idea of him infantilizing her whether he meant to or not. Neither of them needed the reminder of their glaringly large age gap.
"No," Kakashi replied softly, unexpectedly. "You're certainly not..."
Again, her anger drained away as she watched him skim his eyes down her shirt and shorts, and then back up to her face as if he was drinking in the sight of her. A light shudder ran through Sakura, settling into an achingly familiar heat in the pit of her stomach.
"A-All right then," she snatched the ball from his hands and swept by him before he could catch the blush warming her cheeks. "Just one dunk."
Standing beneath the hoop, Sakura sucked in a breath to ready herself first. What was she doing? She was supposed to be mad at him—not playing basketball together! But she cleared her throat, signaling to Kakashi to boost her.
She drew in a shaky breath upon feeling his hands slip around her waist instead of beneath her arms. The warmth of his palms was a scorching heat through the few centimeters of cotton that separated her skin from his. A soft gasp escaped her as Sakura was suddenly lifted high in the air, feeling his fingertips pressing around her ribs to hold her up. The sensation felt ticklish, leaving a funny feeling in her stomach.
She raised the ball and shoved it past the rim of the hoop, watching in satisfaction as it fell cleanly through the netting.
Her first slam dunk.
There was no denying the ball of happiness bouncing inside her now and putting a giddy smile on her face.
"Haruno: two. Hatake: two," Kakashi announced from behind.
Her smile faltered. She hadn't realized they were keeping score.
"I wanna go again!" she told him when he set her down to retrieve her ball.
Humming lightly, Kakashi handed her the ball again and lifted her high into the air once more. Sakura grinned with glee as she slam-dunked the ball a second time, letting the rush of adrenaline fill her.
Once she was set back down on her feet, she turned around, grinning proudly now. "Haruno: four. Hatake: two."
Kakashi's eyes crinkled as he met her grin with a gentle smile full of pride for her. "I guess that settles our match then?"
There was another question underlying the one he'd just asked, and suddenly Sakura remembered their current predicament. She hadn't realized how hard she was smiling until she glanced down where his hands were still settled comfortably around her waist and saw how close they stood together. So close that she could now smell the musky notes of his fresh sweat.
Sakura abruptly drew back. His hands fell away from her body as she stepped out of reach from him, putting distance in between until she stepped behind the white half-court line to separate themselves from each other once more.
"Wh-What are you doing?" she asked, eyeing him warily.
The outline of the smile beneath his mask faltered. He peered down at the half-court line that divided them, but didn't move as if he knew to respect her space. "I want to apologize," Kakashi told her. "I want—"
"No," Sakura shook her head, feeling the tears start to come on now. "N-No, you don't get to do that. Not when I'm still mad at you. And I hate that I'm mad at you because that means I care about you—and I hate that too."
Kakashi's shoulders sagged and he looked upon her like a kicked-down puppy. But no amount of puppy eyes could stop her now.
"I hate that you're always late to class," Sakura seethed out, almost choking on a sob. "I hate that you smell so damn good even when sweaty. I hate that you're charming even when you don't try to be! I hate how dorky you can be and how cute it is! I hate that you're my teacher! I hate that you're so nice, and patient, and protective of me even when it gets too much! I hate that you almost took my virginity with your stupid ruler and I hate that I would've let you! I hate that I like you and I hate that I know you like me too—and I really hate that you refuse to be honest with me about that! I hate that you keep pushing me away but then pulling me in when it's convenient for you! I hate how much I loved it when you kissed me and I hate that I want you to kiss me like that again! I hate this! And I... I hate you!" she cried out, letting the tears fall free now. She wiped them aside with the back of her hand before pointing at his face. "And I hate your stupid mask too!"
But with each time she said "hate", the word itself seemed to weaken more and more, losing its power so that Sakura didn't know if she actually meant it.
It was tiring to be angry. So tiring that all she had now was her sadness and tears.
She wished Kakashi would reach out and wipe her cheeks clean for her, but he didn't. She knew why he didn't, but it still hurt nonetheless.
Whatever. She'd never had parents around to wipe her own tears. She'd learned to do it herself and she would keep doing it for the rest of her life if she had to.
"I'm sorry, Sakura," Kakashi said gently, his voice so achingly tender with her name. "For everything. It was never my intention to play games with you."
'Tell me the truth—is this just a game to you?' she remembered asking him that rainy day at his house.
Sakura swallowed lightly but the lump in her throat remained. "Why... Why did you kiss me, Professor Hatake?"
He closed his eyes and released a quiet, weary sigh. "You already know why."
She did. She'd known deep in her heart, buried beneath all the thorns of her anger. Had felt the answer sitting on his lips the moment they'd kissed.
"But I need to hear you say it," Sakura told him—not begged him like last time, but told him like a command. "I need you to be honest with me and yourself just this once. Stop lying—stop trying to protect me from the truth because it won't change a thing between us anyway. No matter how painful it is to say it... or to hear it... we need it."
His throat shifted and with the way Kakashi stroked his clenched jaw, it looked as if he'd swallowed glass. "The truth is..."
Sakura waited for him, her own heart thundering loud in anticipation as she listened to Kakashi suck in a shuddering breath to brace himself. She squeezed her hands into fists to brace herself too.
Grey eyes deepened into a somber, graphite shade as Kakashi met her expectant stare. "The truth is I do have feelings for you," he confessed to her in a whisper. As if afraid the wind would carry his words away and deliver to the ears of everyone in town.
Sakura swallowed again and this time the lump in her throat disappeared. As did the weight on her chest and that thorny pain that'd been tearing at her heart these days.
But for some reason, Sakura didn't feel as victorious as she thought she would. How could she when Kakashi looked absolutely crestfallen? As if she'd told him to cut out his own heart and serve it to her on a silver platter?
The sorrow tugging the outline of his mouth down served as a reminder of the real issue at hand and Kakashi shook his head at her. "But these feelings... I can't act on them as your professor. Or even as... as I am now."
Her heart squeezed painfully at those words even as Sakura nodded slowly in understanding.
"These desires of mine are wrong for so many reasons," Kakashi struggled to tell her like he spoke every word around a mouthful of glass shards. "But I promise you these are good reasons."
She continued to nod, believing in every word he said even though it pained her to hear it as much as it pained him to say it.
He was still too scared to cross the line all the way. Still too scared to care again. And especially too scared of the possibility of hurting her.
Professor Iruka had explained this to her that night on her date with Kankuro. That Kakashi had failed a mission that cost him the lives of his loved ones, and now he preferred to hold people at arm's length for his sake and theirs.
Much to her shame, she had let her anger cloud her judgment. So much so that it had taken Sakura a while to truly understand Iruka's words. To understand the mental trauma Kakashi suffered that stopped him from crossing this line between them. She couldn't push him either; her mama always used to say that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
Kakashi simply wasn't ready. Sakura had to respect that and his boundaries even if it meant that Kakashi might never be ready. She had to look outside of her own narrative—her own opinions and wants—and consider the other person who had a story of his own. She had to quit acting like a main character—stop expecting for the world and everyone in it to cater to her.
She had to be patient with Kakashi. Exactly as Professor Iruka told her.
"I know that you have feelings for me," Sakura said softly, tucking a loose lock behind an ear to smile faintly at him. "I know it's wrong—illegal even. I know you want me anyway. I've known all along even when you tried to deny it."
"How?"
"When a guy says he's not attracted to you but treats you special and then even kisses you..." She rolled her eyes. "I mean, your hypocrisy made it pretty obvious how you truly feel about me. At first, I thought it was stupid. But with some time apart from you, I've had time to think everything over and I... I think I understand now why you were acting that way. You're my professor," Sakura began to explain, "so of course it would be unethical of you to encourage a relationship between us by confessing your feelings for me. And you said you've done bad things during your military service, so it makes sense that the more you thought a relationship between us would be immoral. You thought you're undeserving of me because of whatever you did in the past... So you felt you had no choice but to lie, but lying doesn't change the fact that you have feelings for me. You just couldn't help yourself, could you?"
Like a man convicted of a crime he'd committed, Kakashi's face flooded with guilt. He nodded once.
"I had a feeling it was only a matter of time before you'd lose control," Sakura admitted, flashing him a sly smile. "It's one reason why I could never give up. I knew I could get you to admit the truth eventually."
But she didn't disclose the fact that she had her doubts at times. Rarely, but at times when she'd remember all the boys who'd ditched her at the last minute and all the girls who'd bullied her.
"Your keen intelligence never fails to amaze me," he said, smiling sadly at her. "It's true. You make my resolve fray. You make me lose control. You make me... want," his voice deepened into a low rasp, so rich with desire that it sent another shudder rolling through her. "I've never wanted for something so badly before until I met you... and it scares me," Kakashi admitted, stroking his jaw as if he realized that only now.
As if bewildered that an innocent girl could evoke such raw fear and other unfamiliar emotions in a battle-hardened soldier like him.
Sakura took a step closer to him, letting her feet toe the white paint line dividing them. "What's so scary about wanting something?"
"It's scary when you know you can never have it... or her," Kakashi answered, letting his yearning gaze roam up and down every inch of her, especially her face... and especially her lips. "It was never my intention to confuse you or to play with your heart. If anything, it was because I was confused myself. I've never experienced these feelings before but I knew these feelings were wrong, so I tried to draw the line while trying to keep you safe. But somewhere between protecting you and wanting you, the lines blurred. So I kissed you... because I was frustrated by your determination—by your desire for me and... by my desire for you."
He glanced at her lips again, his Adam's apple bobbing sharply. The urge to grab him by the front of his sleeveless turtle neck and yank him down for another kiss hit Sakura. She swallowed hard as well, fighting back that almost primal urge and watching him do the same.
"What if I said that I wanted you to kiss me?" she asked him, dropping her voice to a near-whisper so that her question didn't echo across the court. She took another step closer, and another. "What if I wanted you to use that ruler on me? What if I was glad that you walked in on my date? If I had to tell you the truth from the very bottom of my heart..."
He peered down at how close her feet paralleled his now and Sakura realized she'd subconsciously neared him, wanting to be near as possible without touching. Now she stood so close to him that she could see the silver flecks that peppered the grey of his eyes. She could see the pain gleaming brightly in his gaze and how even a mask could not disguise the agony writhing within him.
"There," Kakashi whispered back, his breath stirring her bangs. "You see why I've struggled to distance myself from you? You make it so hard to resist... you."
His resolve had been fraying this entire time. Right in front of her very eyes.
Sakura could practically smell his desire for her, mingling with the salty notes of his sweat. It left her head feeling light and the pit of her belly throbbing hot. "I'm sorry, Professor Hatake," she breathed out, resisting the need to press a hand to his chest if only to steady herself. "I never intended to make things hard for you."
The little nod to their inside joke that had run on between them since day 1 of school prompted a quiet chuckle from Kakashi.
"No, you promised me you wouldn't when the semester started," he gently reminded her and she couldn't help but give him a bashful smile in return. But his own smile faded as he raised a hand to lightly touch the ragged scar line running down his eye. "Sakura, I've made some serious mistakes in my life and failed the people closest to me. I... I don't want to fail you too."
His words trembled with an underlying terror and Sakura was quick to reach over and pull his hand away from his scar. To touch his calloused fingertips and reassure Kakashi that he was not a failure—not to her. Never.
"Everybody makes mistakes but that shouldn't have to define who we are," she said, delicately stroking his knuckles without a care in the world if anyone passing by the park saw them right now. "What we can do is focus on the now. And right now, I see a man who wears a mask and acts like a jerk to push people away from him. Because the truth is he cares too much. That's why I really like that man behind the mask."
Kakashi peeked down at her fingers loosely grasping his. Her hand was so small in comparison, but she carried far more strength than his own hands did. "You still like me? After everything I did to you?"
He seemed genuinely bewildered by the thought that anyone could like the real him beneath the mask and fake smiles.
With a smirk, Sakura propped both hands on her hips. "Remember that I am a very determined person. But as I recall, you've always liked that about me."
They chuckled over that, and that funny, ticklish feeling in Sakura's stomach returned as she watched Kakashi's eyes crinkle with mirth. None of that fake smile shit that he sometimes pulled around those who didn't know any better.
"Actually, Professor Iruka was the one who warned me that you act like a jerk but that you only ever mean well," she told him once their laughter subsided. Feeling somewhat embarrassed for some reason, she laced her hands together. "At first, I was pissed by your hypocrisy. You'd tell me to stay away from you but then you'd jump into my own affairs. I worried that you were infantilizing me—that maybe you didn't see me as an equal because of my youth. But then I remembered what Professor Iruka said and I realized you were honest in telling me you didn't see me as childish. You were sincere in wanting to protect me. To make sure nothing like what happened with Mizuki never happened to me again."
Kakashi had been right all along; she'd been too caught up in her emotions—in herself—to understand his perspective of things. She had been reckless in that sense and, much to her shame, even immature in refusing to see things outside of her own narrative.
"When I was your age, times were... violent," Kakashi said distastefully as if that word wasn't nowhere near enough to describe the brutality of such violence. His gaze swept slowly across their park surroundings. "This neighborhood wasn't always this nice. The war brought out more bad than good in people. I grew up having to constantly look over my shoulder while also watching the backs of my friends, and it seems I was projecting that onto you."
'Kakashi was walking with me and he took off his backpack to shield me from the gunfire,' she remembered Professor Iruka describing the incident of a drive-by shooting he'd got caught up in. How he wouldn't be alive if it hadn't been for Kakashi.
Sakura shook her head. "If I had to be honest, I didn't really mind you being protective over me."
In truth, deep down, she'd liked the attention. Liked that it proved how much he cared for her.
"The only reason I didn't want you protective of me is because I interpreted that to mean you were infantilizing me," she explained to him, expressing the insecurities that had followed Sakura from her childhood. "I see now I was just my projecting my insecurities onto you too. But otherwise... I liked that you wanted to keep me safe," she added shyly, feeling a blush rise across her cheeks as she met Kakashi's ashy gaze.
"Or my jealousy?" he murmured.
She couldn't help but snort at that. "Well, like you said: I'm very hard to resist. I knew you couldn't stay away from me even if you tried."
He gave her a wry smile, silently praising her keen intellect and bullheaded determination once again.
"The truth is..." Sakura wet her lips, suddenly nervous with what she was about to say. "I really just wanted you to be honest about your feelings for me. It's the first time I've ever felt this way to a guy—to my professor, no less. It's just that every single boy who has ever shown an interest in me or asked me out always stood me up or ghosted me at the last minute—even Kankuro! And it really hurts a girl's ego, y'know?" She tried to smile but it felt more like a grimace. "I got sick and tired of it... in a way, I'm traumatized by it. And then I met you and you'd treat me special but then claim you have no feelings for me, and... I just didn't want my feelings played with. Even though I knew of your true feelings for me, a part of me was still afraid of you playing with my feelings just like those boys played with mine."
Kakashi winced, her accusation stabbing him deep.
"And I didn't want you to shelter me with lies either," Sakura told him. "I know I've been asking so much from you... wanting too much for my own good... but more than anything, I just wanted the truth for once."
And now, for the first time ever, she finally had the truth. There was no ghosting or standing up this time. Just an open, honest conversation between two people.
She felt a smile come on but Kakashi seemed to reprimand himself with a shake of his head.
"I'll do better," he said. "I'll stop—"
"Don't." She shook her head frantically. "No, please don't. I don't want our relationship to change."
Because 'for the better' only meant 'for the worse' for them. It meant having to pretend their feelings for each other never existed. It meant distancing themselves from each other all over again and then parting ways like strangers once the semester ended.
Even though they couldn't have more than what they had now, she didn't want any less of it either.
Besides, it was too late to change things between them now. The both of them had waded too deep and too far into this ocean of desire and depravity that it was nigh impossible to turn back now and return to safe shores.
"Can't we at least stay the way we are now?" Sakura begged him. "Please?"
She placed her hand against his chest, feeling the dampness of his shirt as well as the warmth of him beneath her palm. Her fingertips tingled, aching to let her hand roam up his chest and then further down south to warmer regions. But she ignored that urge, having let the reigns of her control slip a little but not completely.
Kakashi peered down at the hand that felt the frantic beat of his heart pounding at her fingertips. "You mean... toe the line, but never cross it?"
She nodded.
He exhaled lightly as if pricked by something and now he was trying to cope with the pain. He raised a hand, letting his fingers skim along her soft jawline so gently that it lit up every nerve along the way. He lifted his hand higher to raise it over her head, pausing only for a brief moment of hesitation before lowering his hand to give her that familiar pat.
Sakura hadn't realized how much she'd missed that touch of his. So innocent, but one of his few expressions of open affection.
His fingers burrowed into the crown of her head as he gingerly ruffled her hair. "Are you sure about this, Sakura?" Kakashi murmured to her, his gaze a swirling smoke of danger and desire. A reflection of his own answer.
She nodded again. "I like what we have... even if it hurts to have it," she added with a sad smile.
"We can't have more," Kakashi warned her. "We can't cross the line all the way."
"You mean... kiss?"
"And anything more than that..."
Even though she'd seen this coming, her heart still sank, burdened by the new chains that restrained it. But this was the path they chose, and so this would be the path they'd have to walk together—side by side but never hand in hand.
"Okay," she breathed out, and then forced a smile on her face to prove it was okay for her. As okay as it would ever be. "And Professor? I'm sorry too. For everything."
Kakashi frowned and opened his mouth to insist she didn't need to apologize but Sakura shook her head. No, if he had to apologize for his own errors then so did she. Because she was just as responsible for her own mistakes and other mishaps that had happened between them. He could not be blamed for everything when she knew exactly what she was doing too.
"I never wanted to get you in trouble but... it's hard to resist you too," she divulged with a weak smile.
Kakashi chuckled in agreement.
This magnetic pull that drew them together... she'd always known it was dangerous. But the Sakura right now wouldn't understand just how dangerous it was until it was too late.
Peeking past his shoulder, Sakura's smile brightened and she stepped past him. "So, how about a rematch? Or are your joints aching already?" she threw him a smirk over her shoulder.
Kakashi watched her pick up his own basketball, his brow tipping as she bounced it between her legs in a silent challenge. The deep green of her eyes glimmered like sharp-cut emeralds and his mouth quirked into a determined grin. "Just be careful not to fall on your ass again, Miss Haruno," he hummed.
"And you be careful not to break your ankles, Professor Hatake," Sakura purred back at him.
And so their game began again. But this time, it was not a competition of skill or points. It was merely a match to familiarize themselves with the other person all over again. Remember the cadence of the other's voice, the pitch of his chuckle or her giggle, the heady scent of their sweat mingling together, the rhythm of their ragged pants breathing out in harmony, and their eyes—most especially their eyes. The way their gazes locked together with the whole world falling away around them.
They were back to dancing around each other again, but this time closer than ever and in sync to a tune of their own.
For a couple of hours, it felt like it was just the two of them with the little basketball court acting as their entire world.
The game itself was honestly a blur to Sakura. She didn't remember how many times she scored a shot or got past Kakashi's guard to swipe the ball from him. But she did remember each time he'd pick her up and lift her high in the air to let her slam-dunk. She remembered laughing so hard that her belly ached. She remembered smiling so much that her cheeks hurt.
She also remembered the sun beating down on their brows so that the sweat dripped down her chin. She remembered the chill wind tickling goosebumps across her bare arms as she glimpsed Kakashi's abs when he leapt high for a slam dunk of his own. She remembered sticking her tongue out at him teasingly the one time she did a backwards 3-pointer trickshot (for an hour, his jaw remained slack with amazement). She remembered their shadows stretching longer, and longer across the now dry pavement of the court as the afternoon wore on.
Neither of them kept track of the time that passed as they continued playing. Neither of them wanted to end the game and leave.
But it had to end at some point, and Kakashi was the one to signal a time-out when he heard the first growl of her traitorous stomach.
"I guess I should get home now before it gets too dark," Sakura said reluctantly. "I need to get back to studying for the midterms anyway."
Kakashi nodded slowly, just as reluctant as her.
With their respective basketballs in hand, they headed to the back parking lot where Kakashi had parked his motorcycle. The homeless war veteran—Satoshi—whom Professor Iruka had pointed out to her the night of her date with Kankuro was nowhere to be seen, but that was the least of Sakura's concerns.
They walked extraordinarily slow together despite Kakashi's long legs. Their feet almost seemed to drag across the gravel, the both of them desperately trying to drag the moment on far longer than needed. If only to steal just a few more precious seconds of time together.
Sakura silently worried at her lower lip, feeling like she was always running out of time for everything. Every grain of every second seemed to slip through her fingers and rush her towards her eighteenth birthday.
"This is me," Kakashi announced once they reached his motorcycle.
They stared at each other for an awkward moment. As if waiting for something to happen that would give them an excuse to stay together longer. If only for an extra minute or two.
They were afforded only an extra second before Kakashi ran a hand through his silver locks and then reached for his helmet. Sakura stood aside, watching him straddle the leather seat of the bike.
"I... I don't think it's a good idea for you to give me a ride home this time," Sakura told him when he returned his attention to her. "I might be too much of a distraction."
"Distraction?" He fiddled with the helmet on his lap as if he'd planned to have her wear it so that she could ride with him.
"I'll want to kiss you again," Sakura struggled to confess. "But more than just on the cheek."
"Sakura—"
"I know what we said about not crossing the line but, right now..." She bit her lip, letting the pain stop her from doing something stupid. Especially in such a public setting. "Right now, I just don't trust myself to only toe it."
Kakashi glanced down at his helmet in disappointment before finally slipping it on. In the shadows of the helmet, his eyes were dark and drawing her in.
Oh, how badly she wanted to answer his silent call. How she wanted to take his helmet in her hands and lift it off and see the face she so badly wanted to kiss all over and map with her fingers.
"Then... I guess this is goodbye," Kakashi spoke quietly. He flipped the visor down, covering his gaze from hers.
Sakura squeezed her hands hard, willing herself to stay strong for just a little longer. "It's only goodbye until we see each other again at school," she tried to joke, but her smile trembled.
Kakashi's throat shifted again under the shadow of his helmet. Then, without warning, he lifted a hand towards her. Sakura couldn't help but close her eyes, relishing the feel of him gently sweeping her hair back behind her shoulder. At some point in their game, her hair had fallen loose from its ponytail and now he was combing his fingers through the rosy locks.
Her heart stuttered in her chest when she felt his fingers graze along her cheek the moment he pulled his hand back.
"Give me your ball?" Kakashi suddenly asked.
She opened her eyes and blinked at him in bewilderment before obliging. A bit of heat flooded her cheeks once Sakura passed her tattered, well-worn ball over to him. Wordlessly, Kakashi reached back for his saddlebags and pulled out his own basketball, tossing it to her.
She glanced between his helmeted face and the ball in her hand. The rich leather material felt smooth and soft to the touch, but firm and durable. "You're giving me yours...?"
Already tucking her ball into his bags, Kakashi shrugged. "We're switching. We can switch back after our next match."
"Our next match...?" Sakura echoed him, perplexed at first until it dawned on her.
He was giving her an excuse to see each other more outside of school.
Hugging his ball tight to her chest now, Sakura smiled and nodded.
With a jangle of his keys, the White Fang awoke with a low roar before settling into a quiet purr. Kakashi raised the kickstand with his toe and grabbed the handlebars. He then looked expectantly towards Sakura who stepped back for him.
"Sakura?"
"Hm?" She tilted her head upon picking up on the faintest note of urgency in her name.
Kakashi seemed to hesitate as he merely stared at her for a few seconds longer. Then, rubbing the back of his neck, he cleared his throat and said, "If... If you could wait for me...?"
"Wait for you?" she asked, still not understanding what he meant.
The one hand Kakashi kept on the handlebar of his bike flexed until his bones bled white. He cleared his throat again, awkwardly asking, "If you could wait for me for just a semester or two... O-Or maybe... until you graduate?"
Her heart leapt in her throat once she realized what he was asking of her. "Y-You want me to wait until I'm legal for you?"
"Ah, not necessarily until you're legal—although I-I guess that would be ideal too," Kakashi stammered over his words, seemingly nervous for some reason. "I meant if you could wait for me until I sort out my, uh, issues. I-I don't know how long it'll take me, but..." he trailed off, acting uncertain now as if he expected her to reject his idea.
He was probably thinking: what sort of young woman would waste her years of youth waiting for an old geezer to sort out his personal issues?
Sakura absolutely would in a heartbeat... if she only could.
She clasped a hand over her chest, touched that Kakashi wanted to give her only the best version of himself if they were to enter a relationship. With the way his hands fidgeted, she could tell that it had taken him great courage to ask such a question despite the fear of rejection. He reminded her of the way a teenage boy would nervously ask out his crush for the first time and she couldn't help but smile at that innocent, almost childish part of him.
Still, if only Sakura had the courage to reject him right now, it probably would've saved her so much trouble down the line.
But even though she knew her 18th birthday was coming up in a couple of months, she just couldn't bear to destroy Kakashi's hopes and dreams right now. Not when he'd worked up the courage to ask her to wait for him. Not when he'd finally, after who knows how many years, resolved to deal with his trauma and guilt—for her.
She chose her words carefully then, very particular in avoiding the word 'yes' even when her heart jumped for it. "I would love to wait for you for as long as I can," Sakura replied instead.
She could see the tension in his shoulders seep away as they sagged in relief.
"Thank you," Kakashi said.
She wished he hadn't. She didn't feel deserving of his thanks.
While Kakashi pulled his gloves out of a pocket, Sakura's mouth fell open as she was hit with the urge to tell him everything about her arranged marriage with Sasuke. But at the last second, she pressed her lips together, choosing not to say anything.
Not right now. Not when they'd finally mended things between them. It wasn't the right time. It wasn't the time to wipe the smile from his face and rain on their little parade.
Kakashi slipped his gloves on first before giving her a meaningful stare from behind his helmet. "... Be safe on your way home, Sakura."
Upon hearing the gentle tone he took with her, she gripped his basketball tighter. She eyed her reflection in the polished visor of his helmet. The girl before her somehow looked older, and more mature than the last time Sakura saw her.
Her heart was beating wild within its ribcage, but then it soared when she stepped forth and raised herself on tiptoes to kiss the cheek of Kakashi's helmet.
Just like him, she couldn't help herself either.
The black surface was warm and smooth against her lips—not anything like the hot, demanding masked lips she'd kissed last week. When she drew back, her lip gloss stained the helmet in the print of her lips. Like a kiss that lasted forever.
As she retreated, he caught her hand gently in his. His gloved fingertips were warm and tender as he held her own fingers, his thumb stroking her knuckles in an odd way like he was silently communicating a message to her. What that message was, Sakura wasn't entirely sure, but it left her feeling like a princess bidding her black knight farewell only until next time.
She tucked back her hair and smiled at him. "Goodbye, Mr. Hatake."
The leather of his gloves separated their skin, serving as a reminder that there would always be a line that they had to maintain between them. Still, she gave his hand a small but reassuring squeeze.
Kakashi stared at her from behind his visor for a moment longer before finally releasing her hand. Then he revved up his motorcycle and shot away, his engine roaring down the street until she could no longer hear him.
But unlike last time, Sakura didn't feel left behind. If anything, she felt... well, not free, but lighter.
There was a hop to her step as she began to make her way back home, bouncing Kakashi's basketball along.
Were things perfect between them now? No, of course not.
Truthfully, Sakura didn't know if things ever would be. She had developed feelings for her teacher whose traumatic past held him back while she herself was held back by a marriage contract.
But these were problems to worry over later.
At the moment, she just wanted to focus on the gifts of today and enjoy them while she still could. The weight on her chest had lifted and Sakura inhaled deeply the crisp October air. Kakashi's ball bounced rhythmically beneath her hand as she turned a street corner, taking her sweet time walking home.
On her way, Sakura plotted strategies to use against Kakashi for their next basketball game. She giggled aloud, remembering how offended he had looked when she'd called him an old man earlier. Just as she was contemplating what other ways she could tease him to put him off his game, a more chilly wind suddenly lashed out at her.
Her hair whipped across her face and she lost sight of the ball for a split second.
Spitting a stray lock out of her mouth, Sakura looked on to see Kakashi's ball bouncing further down the sidewalk. She chased after it lest it enter the streets, and the ball's bounces subsided into a fast roll onward...
And onward...
And onward...
And onward...
Until a man's dress shoe caught it in place.
"Oh!" Sakura smiled as she caught up to the stranger and his companion, relieved to see Kakashi's ball was safe. "Thank you!"
The man bent over to pick up the ball, his slicked-back grey hair staying perfectly in place as he did so. "Excuse me, lil' lady..." he began to say, standing straight to level his dark violet gaze onto her. Behind Kakashi's ball, he smiled and asked, "Do you have time to hear the word of Jashin?"
Sakura blinked in bewilderment at the strange question.
Jashin? She'd never heard of such a religion.
"Oh, I'm not religious," she said, holding her hand out for Kakashi's ball in the hopes that would end the conversation there.
Her response only served to excite the man as his grin widened. "Oh, a nonbeliever? Even better! I can tell you—"
"Hidan," his companion finally spoke up and Sakura was startled by how deep and gravelly—almost wheezy—his voice came through from behind the black medical mask he wore. "The girl is not interested."
"Only because she doesn't know what Jashin is about!" the other man, Hidan, retorted back haughtily. "Geez, have a lil' faith, Kakazu."
Sakura's attention remained glued to the guy with the medical mask—Kakazu. She was disconcerted by his strange eyes; they were a pale green but the white surrounding them was tinged red by angry veins. Did the guy have some sort of eye condition or something?
As if sensing her silent appraisal, Kakazu turned to meet her gaze and another cold chill raised goosebumps across the nape of her neck. Sakura fought back a shiver, blaming it on the cool October weather.
"Sorry, I'm in a hurry," she told Hidan, her ire building the longer he held onto Kakashi's basketball. She reached for it again but Hidan tugged it away from her. "Hey! That belongs to my friend!"
His grin seemed to border on a sneer now as Hidan started to spin Kakashi's ball on his forefinger. "Does your friend believe in Jashin, by any chance?"
A wave of unease started to churn in Sakura's gut the longer she watched this asshole play with Kakashi's basketball. From the corner of her eye, Kakazu stepped past until she sensed him stop at her back.
"No, he doesn't," she answered Hidan firmly, dropping all sweetness and politeness now. "But he does believe in kicking the ass of people who harass a lady. I'm a firm believer of that too."
For a split second, the deep violet of the man's eyes flashed with what seemed like a violent bloodlust as he appraised her indignance. But it passed all too quickly for her to determine if it was just a trick of the light as Hidan stopped spinning the ball to assess her and the frown that had replaced her courteous smile. The heat of frustration was spreading quickly across her face and he seemed to take amusement in that as well.
Sakura fought the urge to glance over her shoulder to where Kakazu still stood behind. Slowly, she reached into her pocket, preparing to spray these guys with jerk repellent. Her fingers met only lint and she inwardly cursed herself for leaving the pepper spray in her backpack.
Hidan eyed the hand in her pocket, and the tilt of his lips curled higher into a devious smirk. He looked to Kakashi's basketball he still held captive in his hand, and then to Sakura who was now glaring at him.
Just as she considered kicking this asshole in the balls, Hidan tossed Kakashi's basketball to her and she caught it out of reflex before it could hit her face.
"I'm just messin' with ya, Pinky," Hidan drawled out, chuckling as he swept past her to join his companion.
This time, Sakura didn't say a word of thanks to him. Her eyes followed the strange duo as they walked on ahead. When she was sure they were out of earshot, she gave their black-suited figures the middle finger.
"Assholes," she muttered, hugging Kakashi's basketball securely against her stomach now.
Her heart continued pacing anxiously. Not because of the guy's shoddy attempt to proselytize her but there was something about him—the both of them—that set her teeth on edge.
She decided to take a different route home just to be safe.
By the time she slipped back into her apartment, she'd forgotten all of her worries as the adrenaline of her basketball match with Kakashi surged anew. She blasted music in the empty apartment for the rest of the day, dancing and prancing in and out of the rooms while feeling as light as a feather.
Even though her heart remained burdened by new chains, to let go of the anger that had been squeezing hot in her chest was a breath of fresh air. This was not exactly a step forward nor was it a step backward, but rather it was a step... sideways?
It was a step in an entirely different direction that she hadn't thought existed. Was it what they wanted? No, not at all. But with their current circumstances, she understood that this was all they could afford to have at the moment. Right now, she would take all that she could get and cherish every second of every moment.
Later that night, Sakura went to bed still hugging Kakashi's basketball. His initials were scribbled along the edge of a line and she'd dozed off with her fingers repeatedly tracing the two letters. She hadn't written her name on her own ball, but her five-year-old self had once doodled a cherry blossom somewhere along the ball's label. The ink had probably faded already to a faint outline, but Sakura had a peculiarly strong feeling that Kakashi, too, had spent the better of his night holding her ball in hand and stroking the edge of her flower's petals with a gentle finger.
She fell into a peaceful slumber, smiling at that thought and clutching his basketball tight in her arms. It wasn't him, but it was a piece of himself that he'd gifted to her and she wanted to hold onto it for as long as she could.
The next day, however, Ino and the girls dropped by for their final dance practice and Sakura had to make sure to hide the fancy basketball beneath her bed. It served as another reminder that she would always have to hide her feelings for Kakashi from everyone else.
.
.
.
.
.
The heat of the stage lights had many other students lined up behind the curtain fanning themselves despite the auditorium's air conditioner. The seats were jam-packed with parents, siblings, boyfriends, and girlfriends who had all come to watch their loved ones perform for tonight's talent show.
At the moment, the show was only a couple of performances in with the current stage occupied by some students rocking it out on stage with their electric guitars.
Even Mr. Yamanaka had taken the night off to cheer his daughter on. Peeking from behind the curtain, Ino groaned aloud in embarrassment, grumbling that her father had made a poster with her face plastered all over it.
Sakura studied the audience over Ino's shoulder, scanning the shadowed figures for anyone who bore a semblance to her professor. She didn't expect to see her own parents among the audience. She'd long ago since given up hope that they would one day show up to at least one of her school performances.
But she'd still latched onto a fragment of hope that at least Kakashi would show up. If not for her then at least for the free food and entertainment.
The music faded as the current performance came to an end. Behind her, Hinata was helping Tenten fix her braid into a bun while the audience clapped, signaling for the people managing the soundboard to prepare for the next performance.
Still no sign of Kakashi.
She hadn't bothered to ask him again if he was coming. Hadn't wanted to pressure him into it if he didn't want to go. Besides, he had the ticket she'd given him, so his decision to come was entirely in his hands now.
"Sakura," Ino spoke up from behind, "are you sure you're okay to perform? I know you've had a lot on your plate these days, so just say the word and we can tell the emcee—"
"I'll be fine," Sakura replied distractedly, still searching the audience for Kakashi.
She missed the way Ino gave Tenten an odd look, but she did hear Ino's anxious sigh and felt it tickle the back of her neck.
Before she could say something to either friend, Hinata was already whispering that it was their turn to perform now, and Sakura was dragged away by Ino.
Her heart pounded away in tandem with her sneakers pounding aloud across the stage.
The hot stage lights made her squint while she knelt into position beside Hinata, her white shorts riding higher as she did so and giving Sakura a wedgie that she did her best to ignore. She bowed her head slightly, letting the brim of her hat block the harsh light spearing down her face.
"Ladies and gentlemen," the emcee's voice rang into the microphone, "prepare to let your hearts be stolen!"
Sakura held her breath, waiting for the curtains to part and for their performance to begin.
"Give it up for the Shinobi Sisters!"
The curtains swept open and Sakura presented a sly smile to the first row of the audience as part of her shinobi character. But her smile faltered the moment her eyes landed on that handsome face that always pulled at her heartstrings, half-obscured by the mask her lips had become familiar with since the kiss.
Sandwiched between two moms, Kakashi crinkled his eyes and smiled at her.
A grin broke out across Sakura's face.
He was late, as usual, but he'd come. For her.
Music poured out from the loudspeakers, signaling for their dance to begin.
For the first time in her life, someone had come to watch her—to support her and specifically her. While everyone had their parents, siblings, or partners to cheer them on, she had her teacher. She had Kakashi.
That night, Sakura put on the best performance of her life. With her eyes never leaving his and his eyes never leaving hers, she danced for him and only him.
A/N: Sakura's "Shinobi Sisters" dance group and performance are taken from the promotional video of a Naruto mobile game.
You can watch Sakura and the girls dance by searching the video "NARUTO: SHINOBI SISTERS" on Youtube.
On a completely different side note, if you ever want to impress anyone in basketball, it's actually not that hard to do a backwards 3-pointer trickshot that Sakura does when playing with Kakashi. First get into position at the half-court line, make sure you stand directly parallel to the hoop, and bend those knees as you toss the ball over and behind your head. From there, it's all a matter of adjusting the power of your throw to let the ball fall through the hoop at the right angle.
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