Learning to Trust
"Accept yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, your truths, and know what tools you have to fulfill your purpose."
-Steve Maraboli
Chapter 9: What Tools You Have
It honestly took Toshinori a moment to process what the young man had said. Both sat in silence listening to the sounds of people moving around in other corridors and offices, and Cementoss quietly leaving Nezu's corner office a bit further down the hall, all of it a murmur of insignificant background noise.
Miraculously this hallway was nearly empty, allowing for their quiet conversation to remain relatively undisturbed.
Toshinori rubbed his eyes tiredly. It's programmed to target All Might. Seek and capture. Of course it is… He had admirably managed to keep his expression completely blank as his mind struggled to process the words in any kind of meaningful way.
His first thought of course was, What the hell? His more rational thoughts came a bit more slowly as the logic of the situation sunk in. Of course he would target me. I'm the last person he would expect to arrive on campus. I never even take interns or work study students at my agency. And he'd have plenty of media of me to feed into that program of his.
And that's when the obvious finally struck him. Wait! That means the kid's program worked! It actually recognized me, even as I am. The surprise of that final realization caused Toshi to start coughing hard. He covered his mouth with his elbow, turning away from the boy as he fumbled in his pocket for his handkerchief. The black fabric of his suit coat blocked most of the blood from view, but some must have been visible, because the boy suddenly cried in alarm and jumped to his feet.
"Oh, crap! You're bleeding!" Tetsu yelped, eyes wide and panicked. "The principal said there wasn't lasting damage! I'm so sorry. You need to see Recovery Girl or-"
The alarmed boy broke off at the firm shake of Toshinori's head as he struggled to bring his coughing under control. Carefully he wiped his face, still turned mostly away from the boy as he took a couple of steadying breaths. Then finally, in a hoarse voice, he managed to rasp out, "I'm fine, young man. This isn't your doing."
Tetsu just gaped incredulously, asking in a shaky voice, "What do you mean, you're fine? You just coughed blood!"
"I'm ill," Toshi replied quietly. "That's all. Nothing contagious. No need for panic. Don't worry." He motioned back to the chair. "Now sit."
The boy plopped back down in the seat, a tight frown frozen on his face. "You should tell Recovery Girl," he said quietly. "Maybe she can fix it."
Intense blue eyes shifted back to study the boy in surprise. Is he actually concerned? Toshinori allowed a small smile to soften his habitually harsh expression. "Thank you, my boy. But I'm afraid she can't fix me. I'll be fine, though. Don't you worry."
He'd meant those words to put the boy's mind at ease, but the hoarse, weak quality of his voice and his ragged breathing seemed to be having the opposite effect.
More to distract the boy than anything, Toshinori brought the conversation back to their original topic. Awkwardly clearing his threat, he prompted gently, "So tell me, young man, is there a particular reason you programmed a hero support item to kill the Symbol of Peace?"
The boy went ashen-not exactly the reaction that Toshinori was going for, but, in retrospect, probably the most logical response. "I wasn't! It wasn't meant to actually hurt him! I mean-I don't even think it can…"
"You don't think it can…?"
Tetsu leapt to his feet and began pacing. "I needed to test the device in as safe but realistic an environment as possible. That's why I had to choose All Might as a target. I needed someone that I could get enough video and audio footage of for the program, but it had to be someone who would never come near the device. All Might has no reason to show up at UA. He's way too busy to visit a school. And even if he did come, those blades would barely scratch him. He was the safest possible choice. I figured once I got everything fine-tuned, I could just erase his footage from the database."
Toshinori sighed. So I was right, then. "And that's why you repeatedly broke the rules about where you are allowed to test it? To make sure it was in a location where All Might would never actually be?"
Testu flushed, but nodded. "It seemed like a good idea at the time…"
Toshinori blew out a loud sigh and covered his face with his long, slender hand, first rubbing at his eyes, then pinching the bridge of his nose. In a soft, incredulous voice, he muttered, "It seemed like a good idea…" His blue eyes shot over to the boy who had meekly settled himself back into the seat beside him. "And Power Loader approved this device?"
Tetsu wouldn't make eye contact at those words. "Kind of…"
This time Toshi said nothing, instead dropping his hand into his lap and allowing his stern gaze to speak for him.
The youth fidgeted awkwardly, muttering, "I may have forgotten to mention the blades…"
"Young man," Toshinori began seriously. When the boy didn't look up, he repeated, "Young man… look at me, please."
After a long, awkward moment, the boy finally made eye contact. "Sir?"
"That was stupid and dangerous."
"Yes, sir." Tetsu sounded very small. His eyes dropped back down to the floor.
"I say this as someone who wass known for doing stupid and dangerous things."
"Yes, sir." Violet eyes flicked back up to glance at the frail man beside him-not someone who looked like he could survive much stupidity and certainly no real danger.
"That said… it was also extremely smart."
Tetsu's head snapped back up. "Sir?"
"You're right. All Might was the safest target, and the device is useless if it isn't tested. He's not as invincible as you seem to think, but blades like those usually wouldn't cause him lasting damage in a fight." He stroked his chin thoughtfully. "However that also means that they wouldn't do much damage on anyone with a hardening quirk or any sort of shield either, which-" He shot a pointed look at the boy beside him. "-Power Loader would have immediately pointed out, I'm sure, if you had been honest with him in the first place."
"Yeah…"
The boy sounded so dejected that Toshinori tentatively put a hand on the boy's shoulder, uncertain how he would react. He was unused to anyone accepting much physical contact from him in this form, given his overall appearance, and Toshi didn't want to make him uncomfortable. The boy didn't flinch away, so he allowed his hand to remain there for a moment. "Your device doesn't sound like a complete failure. It sounds like it just needs some adjustments. Why don't you go to your teacher with the design and let him help? Personally, I'd recommend removing the blades and adding something to immobilize the enemy. An electric field, like a blanket taser, or maybe a sound pulse. Remember, a hero's goal is not to kill the villain, but rather to incapacitate him, so he can no longer harm others." He flashed a toothy grin at the boy. "No need to make a 'not-murder' device with death blades."
Tetsu's eyes met Toshinori's and he smiled faintly. "Right." He stood as Toshi let his hand drop. "Thank you, Yagi-san."
Toshinori's smile grew. "Any time." As the boy took his leave, looking far less dejected than he had, another thought struck Toshi, and he called, "Young Tetsuya?"
The boy stopped and turned back to him once more. "Yes, sir?"
Toshinori was still smiling. "Be honest with Power Loader, but… you may want to skip the part about using All Might as target practice from now on when you tell people about your device. Just a thought." His smile grew. "You never know who might find out."
Nezu sat quietly in his office, waiting for All Might to come in. Quiet as a mouse, he thought with a little smile, amused by his own cleverness.
Cementoss had left Nezu's corner office not long after Tetsuya had. Since then, Nezu had been patiently waiting, his sensitive ears catching a conversation down the hall that he'd not wanted to interrupt.
There was a tentative knock on his office door, which had been resting slightly ajar, and All Might's head poked into the room. "You wanted to see me, Sir?"
Nezu motioned for him to enter and shut the door behind him. His friend complied, stepping almost silently into the room. Certainly the man hadn't lost his stealth. The principal's black eyes narrowed slightly as he pondered the frail hero who eased himself into a chair as though he were a very old man.
Honestly, it was still a shock for Nezu each time he saw his old friend in this state, and he knew it would take time for any of them to adjust to this new reality. Still, even taking that into consideration, All Might looked terrible today, not that Nezu was greatly surprised, given the various accounts he'd heard about the afternoon's events. All Might was pale with dark circles under eyes that appeared even more worn and shadowed than usual, if that were even possible. There was an audible wheeze to his breathing and a slight tremor to his hands. And Nezu's sharp nose detected the metallic scent of blood.
Still, from what he could tell, All Might's intelligence and skill seemed as honed as ever. If nothing else, this failure of his body seemed to have forced him to improve what abilities were left to him. Not that he probably even recognizes that. Nezu sighed. You've relied on your physical prowess and speed for so long that you never even realized your other strengths, did you, Toshinori? He took in his friend's pained exhaustion coupled with the strained, almost defeated look on his face. And it wouldn't even matter if I pointed any of it out to you, would it? You'd find some other reason to hate yourself, you fool.
Nezu took a sip of his tea. "So tell me, All Might. Have you eaten today?"
At the sickly man's stammered confusion, the principal explained. "I've been given various reports of the incident this afternoon. In our previous meeting you mentioned to me needing time to eat between classes. With all that you've been through today, I suspected you may not have had that time."
All Might chuckled softly, but there was no laughter in his expression. "I'm fine. I'm not helpless, you know."
"I don't understand."
The exhausted hero's smile spread. "First Recovery Girl and then Aizawa forced me to eat. Even Yamada got in on it. Now you. I'm a grown man. I promise I can take care of myself."
"Recovery Girl disagrees. She called me shortly after you left her office and yelled at me for ten minutes straight because I hadn't thought to warn her about you. Then, after hanging up on me, she texted me for another half hour about your unhealthy habits."
As if determined to prove Nezu's point, the cell phone on his desk pinged just then to alert him of another message. He glanced down. "Hmm. I'll be giving her your phone number as soon as you are an official staff member. You realize that, don't you?"
All Might crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair, twisting to adjust his back, his expression turning serious. "You know, that may be all it takes to get me to resign."
Nezu smiled, relaxing a bit as he saw the twinkle again in his friend's eyes and a loosening of his shoulders. "Perhaps I'll just ignore these messages for now," he replied lightly, turning his phone to vibrate. "In all seriousness though, I was concerned to hear about the incident today. And I was relieved to hear that the injuries were minimal. Are you well, All Might?"
"Yes, sir. Fine. Recovery Girl patched me up. Aizawa took me home for my medications." He paused. "Everyone fed me." His lips twitched again. "I'm still a little shaky, but my system should level out soon as long as I take it easy."
"Well, I'm truly grateful for your quick response with that runaway support item. Had you not been there, I shudder to think what would have happened to those students."
All Might winced slightly at those words. "I'm not so sure about that," he replied carefully.
"No?"
All Might glanced away. "Young Tetsuya apparently programmed his device to seek specific… characteristics. It seems my presence may have actually triggered it."
"I see… so what shall we do about Tetsuya-kun?"
"Do about him, sir?"
"There needs to be some consequence for his actions, All Might. Don't you agree? People could have gotten seriously hurt. As a matter of fact, from what I heard, you were injured, at least superficially."
The lanky man tugged at a ragged strand of his long, blond bangs. "Seems to me that the young man is doing a pretty good job of punishing himself already."
"That isn't enough, All Might, and you know it. Does a villain get to skip a prison sentence because he feels bad?"
All Might's brow furrowed and he frowned. "But this isn't a villain, sir. It's a child. And children make mistakes. I seem to recall breaking an entire building in my time here."
"And Gran Torino punished you. Soundly, if I recall."
All Might twitched at that memory, as though the very thought of his old homeroom teacher brought back instinctual reminders of pain. "Gran Torino punished me for doing anything, good or bad." He snorted. "I'm not Gran Torino. This boy's biggest mistake was trying to do everything alone. He needs support and guidance. Punish him too much, and he'll just do it again somewhere else." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Or he'll give up entirely. I'm honestly not sure which is worse. It would be a better idea to make him work with Power Loader to fix the support item he created. Redesign it with a pro to streamline it and reduce the danger. Give him a safe place to test it, so he has no reason to sneak around in the first place."
The passion was blazing again in his blue eyes. "You know why I became a Symbol, sir. Because just punishing criminals doesn't work. The trick is preventing negative activity in the first place. That's how I've always operated."
There you go, All Might. And you thought you weren't suited to this profession. "Very well," was all Nezu said. "That sounds fair enough."
At All Might's baffled look, Nezu smiled and replied, "I said he needed a consequence, All Might, not a punishment. And you're absolutely right. We need to encourage him while still being able to properly monitor his work. This seems like a good balance." The principal chuckled at the bewildered hero across from him. "No one expects you to be Gran Torino, All Might, least of all me. All anyone wants from you is that you try to be the best teacher you can. Connect with the students. Earn their respect. Teach them what you know."
"I don't even know how to connect with them. My childhood was hardly what you'd call normal. Coming to UA helped, but not enough. Aizawa is right, sir. I'm a bad fit here. I'm not going to be teaching the students anything. They will just try to be me. That's not what I want." His voice lowered. "Even from my successor. They need to find themselves, not copy me."
Nezu stroked the glossy white fur of his chin. "All Might," he finally began after a long silence, choosing his words carefully. "Eraserhead is an excellent teacher, but he's rational to a fault and has his own way of doing things. Just because he and you have different ideals and philosophies doesn't mean that he is right and you are wrong. You are both very different heroes, but each effective in your own way. Every student is different, and they will all need different kinds of guides. That's one reason I've hired such a diverse group of heroes to teach here. It's also one of the reasons I asked you to come five years ago." At All Might's startled expression, he added, "Did you think it was only for your health? You know me better than that, All Might. I'm not that altruistic." He leaned forward, his expression serious. "I want heroes of all types here. People with Eraserhead's rational mind and shrewd perceptions, Present Mic's energy and enthusiasm. Midnight's concern and interest in the young. Your strength of character and heart. I want our students to be ready for anything. To do that, they need to learn from all of you."
"But sir-"
"And," Nezu continued, as though the Number One hero hadn't spoken, "despite what you think, you do connect with people, even in this form-perhaps even better in this form, actually. Togata-kun finds you intriguing. And Tetsuya-kun actually listened to you out there."
Toshinori's sharp blue eyes met his.
"Yes. I was listening. You recognized a need in him that, to be honest, the rest of us had ignored in our hurry to fix what we saw as the bigger problem. You noticed and responded to his need to be heard. Tetsuya-kun is a polite young man with good intentions, but he's easily distracted and doesn't listen well. You, however, had his undivided attention out there. You gained his trust in a very short time, and he spoke frankly with you."
All Might glanced away, seemingly unsure of how to process this. Finally, he replied quietly, "With all due respect, I think you're reading too much into that, sir."
Nezu sighed. You're the Number One hero for a reason, Toshinori. And you generally have such a brilliant mind for a human. You may be known by the public for your strength and speed, but any hero worth his salt knows that a top-ranked hero needs keen perception and intellect as well. He studied what was left of the hero before him silently. Your physical form isn't the only thing that was damaged when you faced All for One, was it, Toshinori? You've got psychological trauma as well. We all do, but yours is different somehow. It's the reason you're so skilled at seeing everyone else's strengths and needs, while still remaining so blind to your own.
He glanced back at his phone as it vibrated against the desk once more, most likely another message from Recovery Girl.
It seems we may need to do something about that.
Author's Note: Thanks to all who read and commented this (and all other chapters). I really appreciate all of the support! And thank you to lolo popoki for once again betaing this chapter. I couldn't get this done without you.
I hope you all enjoyed the new chapter!
Sincerely,
Sirius:)
