Note: Unedited version on AO3.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Keeper of His Heart
"Who's there?" he asked, turning towards the sound of a creaking door. It was the servant's entrance, but no one but mother and father were permitted to visit him while he healed. The only other person who snuck in even knowing they risked the queen's anger was his one friend, "Cedric?"
There was the familiar sound of the taller boy's longer strides as he walked over to Phobos' bed, where he sat next to him, making it dip slightly. The scent of something sweet hit his nose, and Phobos heard his stomach growl. He had been so hungry for so long. Mother said he was not well enough to eat. That his body could not break it down, and she did not want the food sitting in his gut to rot. But it hurt, having nothing to stop the endless clenching of his insides.
Yet, everything hurt, so his stomach often was the least of his problems.
"I brought you some sweet rolls," Cedric said, voice low, as he placed something on Phobos' lap. "They have honey on them, so they are sticky."
Phobos felt for the warm object sitting on his lap. The roll was fresh, and he could feel some indents from Cedric handling the soft bread.
"Mother said I cannot eat," he protested, sadly, mouth watering as he still picked up the food.
Cedric huffed. "She says a lot. She's telling everyone you are away at Farshore for the season." He was quiet for a moment before Phobos felt his hand on his, nudging the bread to his face. "You are hungry. You should eat," he said simply, like that was the only answer.
And so he did. He ate the bread in a few, quick mouth fulls, and was happy as Cedric handed him three more.
His stomach turned, angry at the work it suddenly had to do, but it all settled into a slightly uncomfortable stretch of his belly.
"See," Cedric said, knowingly. "The queen doesn't know everything."
Phobos frowned, not liking how much he agreed with that. His mother had been wrong a lot.
Like when she said he was safe.
He never was safe.
Never.
"Can you see anything yet?" Cedric asked. Phobos felt air hit his cheeks as his friend waved his hand across his face.
"I can see some light," he confirmed, happy to see anything other than darkness. "Maybe shapes, too? It is hard to make sense of it sometimes."
"That is still good," Cedric encouraged. "Maybe you can leave the room soon? Magic studies are so boring without you. Some noble houses are visiting the castle right now, and some weird kids are joining the lessons. There is this really mean girl there, something Moondall." Cedric gave a thoughtful hum. "Actually, she would make you cry, so maybe it is good you do not meet her," he teased.
"I would not cry," Phobos defended, annoyed.
Cedric laughed. "You cried when we had to kill the fairies to harvest their wings."
Phobos shrugged. "I know how much it hurts when…" he stopped, not liking to remember all the times before… before….
Cedric grew quiet, shifting on the bed, before he said, "You look better. Your skin is really pale, but it is not, um, peeling."
"It still itches," he admitted, not wanting to talk about the pain. "But it feels better."
"That is good. Can you walk?"
"No, I keep falling down. But I can move my arms more."
"That is good, too!" Cedric said, excited. "I can bring some cards next time, and we can play a few rounds."
"I cannot see," he dryly pointed out.
"I can see for both of us," Cedric said proudly.
Phobos laughed. "You always cheat!"
"No, I do not!" Cedric quickly defended.
"Yes, you do! Last time you grew your tail and stole extra cards!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Did too, but you still lost, so I guess it does not matter."
"I did not lose! I let you win! I am actually smarter than you, you know," Cedric said with a huff. "I just let you win because you cry if you lose."
Phobos pouted, feeling moister along the rim of his eyes. "No, I do not!"
"You are crying right now!" Cedric said as he bounced up on the bed and sat next to him.
They bickered and talked for a while until Phobos grew tired. Cedric told him he would be back tomorrow with more food and some playing cards. Phobos, even with how overwhelmed he felt with his death and recovery, was happy he still had his friend.
Phobos woke to a gentle green glow. It was the same glow he recalled seeing before losing consciousness. It was soothing, and it took away the pain that always seemed to linger deep within him. There was a sweet smell that tickled his nose, and the air felt crisp and clean.
Opening his eyes, he was met with the sight of the Earth Guardian. She was sitting at his bedside, hand holding his left, body glowing with green magic. Her hair was longer, spreading across the white floor, with radiant flowers blooming along the strands. As Phobos often found comfort and solitude among nature, he could put names to the flowers that bloomed.
Elderflower, chamomile, roses, calendula, arnica, lavender, geranium.
All flowers of healing.
Glittering phantom forms of butterflies and other insects fluttered around her, drifting in and out of reality as they floated around the room and balanced on her extended, large wings. It was from following the path of one ethereal butterfly that he saw the other occupant in the room. He did not know what to think, seeing the Keeper curled in a chair, a white blanket tucked around her.
Looking back at the woman next to him, he saw she was now watching him. Blue eyes filled with magic and power.
They silently assessed the other before she pulled her hand away, letting her magic fade and she returned to her human form, wearing a nightdress and a robe.
"It might take you a few days before your arm feels normal," Cornelia said, voice low, mindful of the sleeping occupant. "Physically, it's healed, but severing nerves affects the connection to the brain. You might notice a… delay, while your brain processes it's reattached." She glanced at Wilhelmina before going on. "I know you said it wasn't necessary before, but I repaired everything internally. There was a lot of scar tissue and…" she sighed. "Just know you're starting with a blank slate."
She was staring hard at him, lips a thin line. "Don't waste it by being who I think you are. Be who they both hope you can be."
"Thank you," she went on. "For saving Elyon. I'm grateful that I was wrong, at least about that." She looked back at her sleeping friend before she stood, eyes tracing his face. "Prove me wrong again, got it?"
She left, leaving him to stare at the sleeping red-head at his side.
Gingerly, he sat up, pulling the covers back to sit at the edge of the bed. The Guardian was right about his arm, as it felt sluggish, with his fingers having a slight delay in responding. Clad in just thin breeches, he slid down, feeling otherwise alert and… good. Being healed by one of the best magical healer in the known universe, second only to Queen Kadma, was probably the best outcome this could have had.
Pulling the covers aside from the chair, he carefully lifted Wilhelmina up, but the movement still woke her as he laid her on the bed, where he sat back down. Her warm eyes widen seeing him and she was up instantly, arms desperately hugging him to her and, unexpectedly, she started crying.
It was just quiet sobs into his shoulder, but it still shook him, feeling her hot tears on his skin.
It was strange, seeing how much she cared.
And, even stranger, was how much he cared in return.
"You're so fucking stupid," she whispered, angry, arms tighter. "You can't keep doing this shit," she admonished, fingers digging into his flesh. Suddenly, she pulled back and kissed him hard, hand gripping the nape of his neck. He kissed her back, arms around her shaking frame. "You can't keep…" she tried again, lips leaving his, voice breaking, brown eyes searching his for something. Something meaningful.
Could he give her that?
He now realized he wanted a life with her, but could they really have that? Did she want that? She turned down the Earth Regent, because her duty to the nymph came first. So what could they have, with him shackled to not just Meridian, but to this castle? And something he had to consider was his immortality. He would outlive everyone. Outlive her. Before, that was just a somber fact he knew. Yet, now, the thought of her only being a fuzzy, distant memory was not something he wanted to come to pass.
He had wants beyond that, beyond Metamoor.
Prince Phobos had grown to envy the Keeper. He had mentioned at the start of their courtship that the tales of her victories around the universe were told within the castle walls. And it made him want to know the vast magical worlds that existed. That she traveled to and fought to protect. It was a thrilling life, fighting and learning. Adapting to new, smarter foes instead of rehashing the same fights over and over. He rather die a good fight than live forever as a pawn of a kingdom that rejected him. Let Meridian replay the same power struggle until the end of time. He wanted no part of it anymore.
Phobos wiped the streaks from her cheeks, the urge to comfort her stronger than ever before.
"I seem to have caused trouble for you. I must apologize, my Keeper," he said affectionately, embracing the warmth he felt for her in his chest. Why fight it? When she was there in his arms? When she was always too eager for his company. It felt good, being wanted by someone like her. So good and pure. Maybe his life wasn't pointless if she saw value in him. "I did not want to ever bring tears to your eyes."
Wilhelmina only looked more upset at his words. "You say things like that and I forget that you… that I…" she was fighting back tears as she hugged him again, unable to look at him, face buried against his neck. "I'm sorry. I can't do more for you."
He frowned, not liking the tone of her words.
"You have done a great deal for me," he assured. "My plight is not yours."
She let out a weak, muffled laugh. "And I can't just watch you get hurt, Phobos." Pulling away, he saw the depths of the sadness in her, how it dulled the brightness in her eyes. "I can't keep doing this." He felt his heart skip as a new worry crawled up his spine.
"You keep trying to keep me away from things, away from your problems… and it's… I can't just watch from the sidelines anymore." She looked so heartbroken as she reached up and cupped his cheek. "These last few weeks have changed a lot. More than I could have expected. And I'm so grateful I saw you in that courtyard that day." Her fingers traced his jaw. Softly. Lovingly. "You remember what you said? You asked was I going to run away again. Called me a coward. And I am. I am a coward. Because I can't stay and watch you hurt yourself anymore."
"What are-"
She pressed a thumb to his lips to stop him.
"Please, let me finish," she near begged, eyes wide, and he slowly nodded.
"You could have told me at dinner about the poison. But you ate it, just to keep it hidden, just so you could send Achilles to kill them later in secret."
Ah, so more had happened than he expected.
"You know how shitty that is, Phobos? Ignoring how fucked up it is you're so damn used to this crap you just fucking ate poison, but you put me and Achilles in some real shit too."
He wanted to ask where the frog was now, but he stayed quiet as she watched him for a reaction. She let out a sigh of frustration at his lack of emotion at her revelation and went on.
"I have trusted you, Phobos. I… still do. Even after finding out about Achilles. But I don't feel like you trust me. I know you like me," she stressed.
"But you don't trust me to do my damn job. You said you're not my mission, that I don't need to save you. But have you thought helping people is just a part of me? That I was literally chosen to help every damn body in the fucking universe? And I love it. Helping people, saving lives, making places safer to live. So can you imagine how awful it makes me feel, knowing the man I want to share my bed with can't even tell me he's been poisoned?" She gave a strained laugh.
"Look, I'm not trying to make you feel bad about all the shit that gets thrown at you. Like you have… things are bad for you, even when you don't have your head in your ass. But I need you to know what I can't handle. And I can't handle watching you suffer alone."
She took a deep breath and let it out. Her next words were shaky and slow. "I can fight a lot of things, but I can't keep fighting you… not anymore."
Phobos knew what she was saying. What she was asking of him.
No more secrets.
To stop pushing her away.
To stop keeping her at arm's length.
"I have lost a great deal of things, including my own life," he said, now knowing what he wanted after fighting for so long. "But I shall not lose you," he declared, pulling her to him, lips smashing against hers. Wilhelmina returned the embrace, but she was still downcast as they parted.
"Phobos," she said slowly, pulling back to run a finger along his lower lip. "You can't just kiss me like that's the answer. I don't want to… lose you, either. I really like you. Being with you. But that's not the problem. I need you to let me in. Let me help. Really help you."
He frowned, feeling frustration building at her hesitation. What more could he say? He didn't want her help in the way she was offering. He wanted her separate from that bitter part of his life. But it was either let her in or lose her.
Reasonably, he knew she wasn't asking for a lot. She wasn't prying into his past or his emotions. She just wanted to keep him safe. But that was a task even he failed at. Letting her in would only hurt her more.
She knew that, though. After everything, she saw the hopeless battle he had been waging his whole life. So, maybe… maybe….
"Do you know what it meant when Elyon said you were a formal guest of mine?" he asked, reaching out to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear.
She shook her head, raising a brow at the new topic. "I kinda forgot to ask why people freaked out about that."
Phobos smiled, reminded of the events of dinner. "You have openly courted me, to the point it is known in both our kingdoms. Becoming my formal guest shows not only do I welcome your advances, but they are approved by the queen," he explained. "I know this wasn't your intent, and I have spent enough time on Earth to know customs differ in this area, but this action is normally the first in the steps of a formal union."
"Union? Like…?" She trailed off, face deepening in color as her eyes wouldn't meet his. He felt a spike of desire, seeing her rare shyness.
"Yes," he acknowledged, eyes drifting to her pink lips. "Elyon most likely did this so you would save face with more proper kingdoms, like Metamoor and Nune Boreal. It is not uncommon for courtships to dissolve overtime, but this way gives you more freedom to do as you please without backlash," he purred out, leaning closer to her, noticing her chest was heaving as her breath quickened.
There were little rips in her sleep top along her collarbone, and he reached out and traced the skin peeking out. A small gasp escaped her lips.
"I know Elyon wasn't thinking of my status when she thought of this," he admitted. There was not much he could do to ruin his own image at this point. "But I find I do not wish to dissolve anything with you."
Her eyes met his, and he saw that same yearning that she looked at him with for sometime now. That he hoped would never leave her brilliant, warm eyes.
Phobos couldn't help but kiss her again; the feel of her soft lips parting almost reflexively against his sent a surge of fire through him. Her hot mouth only fanned the flames more as his tongue invaded, stirring needy moans from within her shaking frame. Pulling away, he kissed along her jaw while he pushed her back on the bed.
He needed her.
Now.
She had been so close to saying goodbye, and he was shocked at how deep that dread burrowed in him.
He needed to assure himself she was still his. Still within his reach. Their time together was something that started by chance. That was foolish to think would live past the scorching heat the sun pressed under their skin at Farshore. But that heat was still there, blistering now in his heart, making him think of her when he thought of his future.
"I trust you," he assured, laying her down fully, body over hers. She was both soft and lean. A fighter and a swimmer. A warrior and a woman. There was still a thrill, knowing she was revered for her almost unmatched strength, yet here she was, a quivering mess underneath him, collapsing at his touch, his wants. It was a victory that he never knew to chase, earning her trust like this.
She was staring up at him, warm brown eyes so deep and drowning. Soft, pink lips so tempting.
"For you, I shall do better. I shall try."
Was it wrong, as he slipped down his breeches and pushed her loose sleep shorts aside? They were in a medical ward, where any nurse or doctor could walk through that door. But he didn't care. How could he as she wrapped her arms and legs around him, welcoming his touch as eagerly as ever?
"Yes," he could not stop himself as he moaned out in approval, her limbs still a vice around him. "Ah, my Wilhelmina."
"P-Phobos," she called, working hard to keep her voice low. He chuckled as her skin flushed an even deeper color, her eyes darting to look nervously at the door.
Phobos wondered why he was never bothered by the thought of others overhearing their lovemaking. He was a private person by nature. Even if he wasn't bothered by other's thoughts or opinions about him, he always wanted privacy and solitude. Yet, with Wilhelmina, he craved for all to know she was his. That she chose him and was still by his side, even after everything.
Maybe… maybe he didn't have to live a life of endless loss?
So close.
She had been so close to ending things between them when they just started.
No, he was too selfish for that. He wasn't sure if he could ever trust her fully like she wanted, but he would never admit that. Now that he's tasted her, embraced her, he would always have her.
"Ngh, Phobos, s-someone might hear, ah, they… might c-come in," she whimpered in weak protest, only to hold him tighter. "Phobos!"
She collapsed into a withering, mewling heap, eyes rolled back, hands covering her mouth to stop her beautiful cries of delight.
No, things would not end here for them. They were just getting started. She was a part of his plans, his thoughts, his future.
A part of him.
His mind was numbed by the electric burn that she invoked in him, that made him feel alive again.
Phobos planned to keep her in his life now, after she stubbornly forced her way in.
She was his.
He may never understand what love was, but he knew what he felt for her was the closest he would ever get.
